Jump to content


What's with the ads?

Photo
- - - - -

Talk to me about young adults moving to NYC


23 replies to this topic

What's with the ads?

#1 Spryte

Spryte

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 9603 posts

Posted 14 November 2017 - 12:33 PM

Potential job offer for our adult kid. He doesn’t know yet, this is through DH’s connections, and it is in DS’s field (similar fields). DH will pass along the info later this week.

There are some concerns we have re: DS’s track history on keeping jobs. Since finishing his degree he has struggled. Mental health and substance abuse issues. He is living at home now. My main concerns are that DS will bottom out into depression and just not get up every day. :( This is a real concern and is factoring into whether DH will even pass along the info. (Sigh)

Here are my specific questions: what kind of salary does a single guy need to live in or near NYC? The offer will be for an amount that I think is doable, but I’ve never lived there. He will have benefits. What’s the best way to find a roommate? Any tips on where to live? The job is located in Manhattan, near Soho, if that helps.

What do I need to know, for my kid with depression issues? He’s going to have those issues wherever he lives, but anything specific to consider re: moving to NYC, or is it about the same as moving to any new place where he doesn’t know anyone? He’s not terribly out going at this point in his life. I fear that he will just bury himself in his room if the depression kicks in hard, though maybe I’m wrong. He could do that anywhere.

DH is there often, for work, and our whole family hangs out there fairly often as well, for fun. So it’s not like he’s going to be terribly far from us, or totally isolated from family.

Any experience or thoughts would be helpful.

#2 3 ladybugs

3 ladybugs

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 1772 posts

Posted 14 November 2017 - 12:57 PM

I don't know where you are coming from (location wise) but honestly with NYC income tax and such I would not want a child of mine to take a job in the city for under $100K a year. Even if I had a child that could commute from home (which there are several neighbors that do commute into the city) I would not go any less then that to make it worth while unless it was an AMAZING opportunity that could lead to bigger and better. Taxes are high, rents are high, everything is expensive so it needs to be factored in. 

 

The rest of your post I don't know about. I think you could have issues anywhere. Are you religious? Maybe you can check out a church that could keep an eye on him (if only on Sundays) for you. You can also make sure you set up a time every week (multiple times a week if you like) where he has to check in to you. I talk to my mom every weekday at 7:42 am. DH talks to his parents every Sunday night. That sort of thing. Yeah things come up, but you let others know about it you know? 

 

Good luck!


  • Anne and shawthorne44 like this

#3 Spryte

Spryte

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 9603 posts

Posted 14 November 2017 - 01:09 PM

Hmmm. The job offer isn’t for $100K, but it’s their standard starting salary for someone in that field, most of whom live in/near the city, so I was hopeful. Definitely a career path with a ton of opportunity. It’s the kind of thing people stick with for decades - great place to work.

We live in a HCOL now, so we’re used to pretty high expenses. I wouldn’t move our family there at the salary offered, for sure. I don’t have any experience at being a single guy with zero expenses though, so was hopeful it might be enough for a single guy with roommates and no other debt.

Ugh. No clue if this is workable.

#4 madteaparty

madteaparty

    Hive Mind Worker Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 4353 posts

Posted 14 November 2017 - 01:36 PM

Juniors at my husband's firm make around 80 grand all in. Two I'm familiar with have the following living situation: one is in a Jersey City apartment (it's an easy commute to where their office is) and the other airbnbs a room in his apartment (while living there) and this almost pays his entire rent. I'm not all up on the legalities of this, though.

Edited by madteaparty, 14 November 2017 - 01:56 PM.

  • Spryte likes this

#5 tess in the burbs

tess in the burbs

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 4548 posts

Posted 14 November 2017 - 01:48 PM

well, after college my sister went to NYC and rented a studio for $2000 a month.  She couldn't find a job even with a degree from UNC and job experience.  Nothing.  She ended up leaving after 2 months. She's prone to depression and then alcoholism and struggled meeting anyone in the city.  She went out alone to places hoping to connect with people but didn't make 1 friend in those 2 months.  So I would highly consider having a well paid job lined up first and be sure the kid will connect with some good people immediately who could introduce them to others...even if later on they make other friends.  It was a hard time for my sister and didn't end well for her.  Depression led to a bad drinking spell and she was home in a few days afterward.  I'm not sure if she was arrested or not...She also went to Boston for a few months and again, ended up depressed, drunk, mom had to go up and deal with the aftermath....  ended up back home again.  

 

If you have concerns, just try to anticipate and meet those needs before he goes



#6 AngieC

AngieC

    Hive Mind Level 4 Worker: Builder Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 392 posts

Posted 14 November 2017 - 02:04 PM

I moved to NYC after college, about 20 years ago.  I was making $38k then and I tend to disagree about needing $100k there now; that certainly would be a nice amount to have, but you can definitely live on less.  Yes, rents will be expensive, but getting a roommate can offset that.  Not having a car saved a bunch on a car payment, taxes and insurance.  I walked to work and to most places I went, but mass transit is plentiful and affordable.

 

As far as having depression, it can be a long, gray winter, which I can imagine could be a problem.  I was inline skating a lot when I moved there and met the people that eventually became my circle of friends on a group skate.  I'm not sure how I would have made friends were it not for that.  We moved in the past year and I located a mom's running group in my new town and they have become my friends, so I would say find an activity that he likes and try to connect with folks with a common interest.

 

I think I found my first roommate by an ad in the Village Voice.  I moved in with a friend after a year and we paid a broker to find us a place.  It was on the 6th floor of a walk up, so the rent actually wasn't that bad ($1350 back then, split by two people).  I think that cost us each about $1000 for the broker fee.  I'm betting there are online (maybe Craigslist?) roommate listings, I would just start doing some web searches.

 

Good luck to your son!  I love NYC and just took my family back there for their first visit in October.  My daughter is already planning for her post college move (in 7+ years!).


  • JennyD, Spryte and Pam in CT like this

#7 Spryte

Spryte

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 9603 posts

Posted 14 November 2017 - 02:20 PM

well, after college my sister went to NYC and rented a studio for $2000 a month.  She couldn't find a job even with a degree from UNC and job experience.  Nothing.  She ended up leaving after 2 months. She's prone to depression and then alcoholism and struggled meeting anyone in the city.  She went out alone to places hoping to connect with people but didn't make 1 friend in those 2 months.  So I would highly consider having a well paid job lined up first and be sure the kid will connect with some good people immediately who could introduce them to others...even if later on they make other friends.  It was a hard time for my sister and didn't end well for her.  Depression led to a bad drinking spell and she was home in a few days afterward.  I'm not sure if she was arrested or not...She also went to Boston for a few months and again, ended up depressed, drunk, mom had to go up and deal with the aftermath....  ended up back home again.  

 

If you have concerns, just try to anticipate and meet those needs before he goes

 

Well, you've illustrated my fears perfectly.  :(

 

I couldn't like your post, because ouch, the content, but thank you for sharing about your sister.  I hope she moved past it quickly, and recovered from a not-great experience.  

 

Yes, he'd have the job lined up first - in fact, if it were not for the job, this wouldn't be on the table at all.  I think, because he'd be working at company where DH knows many people, there would be people to take DS out and do things with him, but I don't know that they would be instant true friends.  That's a chemistry thing, and DS will have to find his people, wherever they are. The company has a lot of younger people, so there's definitely the chance they'd be right there.

 

Really, my primary concern is the thought of him moving - anywhere, really - while dealing with depression that is unrelenting.  But then again, moving forward in his field would have some good motivating factors, and maybe this would be a great opportunity.  It's so hard to tell!  It could be setting him up for success or failure, and I just don't know which.  Aaaaagh.



#8 Tanaqui

Tanaqui

    Qualified Bee Keeper

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 8193 posts

Posted 14 November 2017 - 02:24 PM

So, it's not necessary to have 100k a year to live in NYC. Not even close. I don't know where people get these ideas.

 

However, I'd be concerned about my kid moving far away from his support network when he has existing mental health issues.


  • Jenny in Florida, Eliana, JennyD and 2 others like this

#9 Seasider

Seasider

    anchored

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 8719 posts

Posted 14 November 2017 - 02:25 PM

One of our young adults turned down a recent opportunity based in Manhattan. Cost of living was the main concern. Didn't want to have to go back to feeling like a broke college student again.
  • Spryte and shawthorne44 like this

#10 Jenny in Florida

Jenny in Florida

    Apprentice Bee Keeper

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 10376 posts

Posted 14 November 2017 - 02:42 PM

My daughter has been living in NYC for three years and makes significantly less than $100,000. I mean, like a fraction of that. She lIves in Brooklyn, not Manhattan, and shares a three-bedroom apartment with two other young singles. She lives very frugally, but has managed to support herself by cobbling together part-time jobs.

I will say that she, too, is prone to emotional issues, and is is difficult having her so far away when she is going through a bad patch.

Edited by Jenny in Florida, 14 November 2017 - 02:43 PM.

  • Jenn in FL, Eliana, Spryte and 1 other like this

#11 Catwoman

Catwoman

    Beekeeping Professor

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 29619 posts

Posted 14 November 2017 - 02:42 PM

The mental health and substance abuse issues concern me even more than the salary.

Although Manhattan is teeming with people, it can feel very lonely and isolating if your ds doesn't make friends quickly because there are so many people, but it can be hard to be alone and feel like everyone else is walking around with friends and loved ones.

Also, the work environment is extremely competitive and can be pretty cutthroat. Some people thrive on that, but others get depressed and discouraged.

Sorry to list so many negatives, but I'm sure you already know all of the positives, so I'm trying to point out the potential downsides. And as you know, money is a big issue as well. Many people work in the city for lower salaries, but I'm assuming your ds will want to live near where he works, so you should check the price of apartments in safe neighborhoods to make sure he can afford it. And I don't know what size living space your ds is used to, but he should be prepared that the size of his entire apartment might be about the size of an average living room. Just be sure he chooses the safety of the neighborhood over the size of the apartment. A single guy can live in a small studio with a tiny Pullman kitchenette, but not if he's claustrophobic! ;)

I wish he already had a friend there that he could live with for a little while, to see if he liked it.
  • Jenn in FL, Spryte and SparklyUnicorn like this

#12 _______

_______

    Amateur Bee Keeper

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 4895 posts

Posted 14 November 2017 - 03:01 PM

nm


Edited by _______, 14 November 2017 - 06:00 PM.

  • Spryte likes this

#13 justasque

justasque

    Empress Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 6306 posts

Posted 14 November 2017 - 03:16 PM

On the positive side, there are tons of things to do in NYC.  Good transportation means you have access to a wide area without needing a car.  If he is able to say "hey, I haven't seen such-and-such, anyone want to go?", there should be lots of potential outings that don't involve alcohol.  And there are tons of young people.  In many ways it could be easier to find friends, or at least things to do while you're working on making friends, than a suburb. 

Living in NJ or Brooklyn would be cheaper than Manhattan, and perhaps a bit less isolating.  (While there are a lot of people in Manhattan, the chaos of midtown - tourists, etc. - could feel isolating if you are there alone.)  OP, do you live close enough that he could come home for Sunday dinners, or something similar, at least at the beginning?


  • Jenn in FL, Spryte and Pam in CT like this

#14 Lanny

Lanny

    Powered by Banana Splits

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 7269 posts

Posted 14 November 2017 - 03:33 PM

Depression and Substance abuse would add to the issues anywhere, but in a place like NYC, could be really exacerbated.  It would be nice, if he takes that position (assuming it's offered to him) that he could have the phone number of a Psychologist or Psychiatrist who his current doctor knows personally and could bring "up to speed" on the issues he has. Good luck to him!

 

There was something, here on WTM, or in the news, several months ago, about Software Engineers in San Francisco trying to support their families on USD $150K a year. A very high COL area makes it harder, but many people like to live in places like NYC, where there are so many different things going on, all the time.


  • Spryte and shawthorne44 like this

#15 SparklyUnicorn

SparklyUnicorn

    Beekeeping Professor

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 37166 posts

Posted 14 November 2017 - 03:35 PM

It would scare me to death, but it's his life.  That's how I view all of my kids' crazy arse ideas and issues. 


  • Spryte likes this

#16 Pam in CT

Pam in CT

    Apprentice Bee Keeper

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 5467 posts

Posted 14 November 2017 - 10:29 PM

With a roommate, without a car (you DO NOT WANT a car in the city itself -- aside from the wholly unnecessary expense, you either spend hours every week moving it to escape alternate-side-of-the-street-parking rules, or you shell out loads more $ on parking it) young people can and do live on substantially less than $100K (like 1/3 to 1/2 of that).

 

My 22 year old daughter thrives on the energy the vibe the people the food the poetry slams the parks the rhythms.  She doesn't have a lot money to spare but then neither do any of her similarly-young friends; they find lots of cheap thrills (and there *are* lots).  

 

When I lived there at the same stage in my own life, I was not nearly as good as she is at putting herself out there and trying new things and meeting new people and figuring out places of oasis, and the noise and smells and pressing crowds would get to me.  You have to know yourself.


  • Jenn in FL, vmsurbat, Jenny in Florida and 3 others like this

#17 Spryte

Spryte

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 9603 posts

Posted 15 November 2017 - 12:47 AM

Thank you for all the insight and thoughts!

It’s a lot to think about, here. From what I’m reading, the salary is doable. I think the concern is mental health, and managing that while in a new place, and one that might possibly feel overwhelming to someone already feeling down and isolated. I’ll try to feel him out more this week.

Thanks, all.

Edited by Spryte, 15 November 2017 - 12:47 AM.

  • Catwoman likes this

#18 Lawyer&Mom

Lawyer&Mom

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 1028 posts

Posted 15 November 2017 - 01:04 AM

My best advice would be to help him secure housing. The NYC rental market is unforgiving. Paying a broker's fee is all but inevitable. First, last and a broker's fee is a lot of money for someone starting out. I tried dealing with housing all on my own when I moved to NYC and it ended up causing me a lot of grief. My life got a lot better when my mom paid for me to get into an better apartment in a better neighborhood. I could afford the rent myself, but not all the upfront costs.
  • Catwoman and Spryte like this

#19 GoodGrief

GoodGrief

    Hive Mind Larvae

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 1167 posts

Posted 15 November 2017 - 02:18 AM

I would think that there would be lots of options for therapy in NYC, though it may take some work to identify the right provider. Doing some web searches before the move and checking out the possibilities would be wise, so that he is set up once he arrives.

 

Living with a roommate or two might help avoid that isolated feeling.

 

I don't think there's a solid reason to avoid taking a decent job there, though certainly there are risks.


  • Spryte likes this

#20 RoundAbout

RoundAbout

    Hive Mind Level 6 Worker: Scout Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 939 posts

Posted 15 November 2017 - 08:37 AM

I have tons of younger friends in NYC and all are doing fine on much less than $100K though they tend to have roommates or live in Queens which is substantially cheaper than Manhattan. Taxes and groceries are high but you don't nee to buy/maintain a car and eating out can be cheap because there are a ton of places that cater to people who eat out everyday. Every one of them says its hard to make friends so there is that issue. Some kind of club or hobby that can form an instant social group would probably work best. 


Edited by RoundAbout, 15 November 2017 - 08:38 AM.

  • Jenn in FL, Liza Q, Spryte and 1 other like this

#21 Liza Q

Liza Q

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 1713 posts

Posted 15 November 2017 - 02:33 PM

My daughters have been able to live with roommates for a lot less than 100K. My 24yo has 2 roommates, lives in Ridgewood in Queens, and makes $49K. No student loans to pay back, though.

 

Feeling down and isolated though...I hope that he is able to work things out! It's not hard to find a friendly therapist here as long as he has insurance. Plenty of churches and hobby-based clubs here as well! My oldest, who is married now and lives in Jersey but works in Manhattan, has anxiety and some OCD issues. She sees a great therapist in Brooklyn. And both she and my 2nd daughter swear by joining the Y - cheaper than fancy gyms and they especially love the yoga classes for stress relief.

 

ETA: They rent a 3 bedroom so they each have their own room. Nice sized apt!


Edited by Liza Q, 15 November 2017 - 02:53 PM.

  • Spryte and Pam in CT like this

#22 eternalsummer

eternalsummer

    Amateur Bee Keeper

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 4127 posts

Posted 15 November 2017 - 02:46 PM

My sister has been living in NYC since she graduated college, about 7 years ago.  She lived first with a friend from school in Brooklyn, in a very shady apartment (with prostitution and drug deals and etc. in her building); she quickly moved out to an apartment in Astoria with her boyfriend.  It's 1 bedroom, in a relatively safe neighborhood, and is $1500/month.  I think maybe she pays half of that but I am not sure.  I know my mom sent her money monthly for a long time, and maybe still does.  She's an aspiring actress and pays the bills largely by nannying.  While she's content in NYC for now, I doubt she will stay there to raise kids - rent is just so expensive.



#23 madteaparty

madteaparty

    Hive Mind Worker Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 4353 posts

Posted 15 November 2017 - 02:53 PM

Queens (Astoria especially) is great if you work midtown--for Soho look in NJ or Brooklyn.


  • Liza Q likes this

#24 Tanaqui

Tanaqui

    Qualified Bee Keeper

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 8193 posts

Posted 15 November 2017 - 03:50 PM

Staten Island is also an option, if they can find a spot on the North Shore.
 




  • Liza Q likes this