An unhealthy relationship with food....

[Ann.without.an.e]

I never binge eat.  ever.  That isn't my problem.  If I take an online test for an eating disorder, I test very highly likely to have one.  

I can't think of a time in my entire life (from even a small child) when I felt neutral about food.  I can't eat without feeling some sort of guilt.  I try to eat healthy and I am not anorexic physically.  At the same time, I am never free of it.  The thought of how many calories or points or whatever must be on a particular plate, the question of how much exercise will be needed to counter this or that, the wonder if maybe I shouldn't eat ____________ or ________________ because maybe it makes me sick, etc, etc.  I understand how someone could have a full blown eating disorder.  How I feel about myself is 100% wrapped up in my size.  

 

I just want to be free of this all and I wonder...Is there a website or book or some sort of help for this?  or is this just life as a woman and you are all just shaking your heads going "oh yea, it stinks but that is life".

 

ETA: I dont like to think about food.  I don't fixate on it or dream about it.  I actually tend to put off thinking about it as long as I can.  I am terrible at meal planning because I would just rather NOT think about food.  My struggles with food begin when I am faced with the decision of whether to eat, what to eat, how much to eat, etc.  

Edited July 27, 2017 by Attolia

[AnnE-girl]

I honestly haven't read the whole book (someone else had a hold on it at the library so I couldn't renew it) but maybe "Food Freedom Forever" by Melissa Hartwig would be helpful? She and her ex-husband started the Whole 30. This book is more about eating to feel good and take care of yourself, and not associating guilt with food choices, at least the parts I read. Maybe someone else who has read the whole book can give a better answer.

Edited July 27, 2017 by AnnE-girl

[maize]

You might look into resources for dealing with OCD; this sounds like it could be a manifestation of OCD centered around food and weight. Whether a mental health professional would view it that way or not I don't know but the basic mechanism--intrusive thoughts/obsessions that you can't shake--is how OCD works.

Edited July 27, 2017 by maize

[Guest]

I was just thinking about a friend of mine who is like this, too. Her relationship with food is just always a matter of angst. She texted me because she was "caught" buying food at a fast food restaurant by my DS who works there. I really pondered that. My son does not care if she gets a cheeseburger. People come and buy food there and sometimes, it is people he knows. It would never "mean" anything to him. But it means something to her.

 

A poster here - sorry, I forget who said this - recently said she notices how much our language surrounding food is religous in nature, because we are eating a "guilty pleasure," or this food is "bad," while this is "good" or we're "being good" for eating a salad and "being bad" or "cheating" when we eat _____________(insert "bad" food). Since I am a person who believes that the words we choose both reveal and reinforce our state of mind regarding anything, this might be one place to focus some attention. But also, scrupulosity in eating a certain way can be an OCD component, so it is possible you need preofessional attention if you really want to be free from it.

 

I don't have guilt feelings associated with food, but I do pay attention to everything I eat and drink and I think about whether or not it's optimal. Actually, it begins before that even, because when I am in the grocery store, I am debating certain foods. If they come to my house, I will almost definitely eat them. So at any given time, I am weighing (lol, punny) whether it is worth it to me to have this food in my house. I most often get treats (like for the kids) that I don't tend to care about. (Oreo cookies, for example.)

[regentrude]

I have no resources to recommend, but wanted to let you know that no, this is not "just life as a woman". Many women can enjoy food without guilt and are not consumed with thinking about calories and their size.

Have you thought of getting counseling from an actual human? I am not sure that books will help with a deep seated problem you had your entire life.

Edited July 27, 2017 by regentrude

[Rosie_0801]

Maybe you need to study other people's food paradigms. That might give you some more choices to choose from. Not in what to eat, but what you could think about eating.

 

Kitchen witches

The Cult of Pre-Pasteurian Preservation and Food Preparation (if you're on Facebook)

 

Stay away from the Jewish food laws though. One needs to be in a healthy place before tackling them!

 

 

[kwickimom]

I would recommend the podcast Primal Potential by Elizabeth Benton. She delves into the psychology of eating/food choices etc and talks about changing our language and thoughts about food. She also does classes and other things and has a website  primalpotenital yuo can check out. 

[Ann.without.an.e]

I honestly haven't read the whole book (someone else had a hold on it at the library so I couldn't renew it) but maybe "Food Freedom Forever" by Melissa Hartwig would be helpful? She and her ex-husband started the Whole 30. This book is more about eating to feel good and take care of yourself, and not associating guilt with food choices, at least the parts I read. Maybe someone else who has read the whole book can give a better answer.

 

 

I would recommend the podcast Primal Potential by Elizabeth Benton. She delves into the psychology of eating/food choices etc and talks about changing our language and thoughts about food. She also does classes and other things and has a website  primalpotenital yuo can check out. 

 

 

 

I did two years of whole 30/primal/paleo and about 8 months on top of that of AIP.   To simply cut out so many foods and narrow your list of acceptable foods to such a small list is more difficult (in some ways).  Every time you go somewhere you have to pack a meal/snack that is compliant, and think so far ahead about food.   I only think about it when it is in front of me and then I obsess over what and if I should eat.  I never day dream of food, I rarely have cravings or plan food or events around food.  I don't want to have to think so hard about how to stick to a super strict diet.  I am gluten free and dairy free as it is.

Edited July 27, 2017 by Attolia

[MamaBearTeacher]

Personally, I think this attitude is common in our health-conscious society and more common in women, and more common in people who are goal oriented/high achieving and/or prone to low self-esteem. Maybe it's a sign that it's time to step back, relax, enjoy life in general, live in the moment and love yourself and then enjoying food might come more easily.

[MercyA]

You might look into resources for dealing with OCD; this sounds like it could be a manifestation of OCD centered around food and weight. Whether a mental health professional would view it that way or not I don't know but the basic mechanism--intrusive thoughts/obsessions that you can't shake--is how OCD works.

 

That was my thought, too. I wonder if one of Dr. Jeffrey Schwartz's books would be helpful.:

http://discovermagazine.com/2013/nov/14-defense-free-will

 

https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_2?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=jeffrey+schwartz&sprefix=jeffery+schwar%2Caps%2CNaN&crid=1C3EYP33O2IVI

[fraidycat]

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1401945139/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1501131144&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=tapping+for+weight+loss&dpPl=1&dpID=51bo5sObQ4L&ref=plSrch#productDescription_secondary_view_div_1501131267441

[KungFuPanda]

I never binge eat.  ever.  That isn't my problem.  If I take an online test for an eating disorder, I test very highly likely to have one.  

I can't think of a time in my entire life (from even a small child) when I felt neutral about food.  I can't eat without feeling some sort of guilt.  I try to eat healthy and I am not anorexic physically.  At the same time, I am never free of it.  The thought of how many calories or points or whatever must be on a particular plate, the question of how much exercise will be needed to counter this or that, the wonder if maybe I shouldn't eat ____________ or ________________ because maybe it makes me sick, etc, etc.  I understand how someone could have a full blown eating disorder.  How I feel about myself is 100% wrapped up in my size.  

 

I just want to be free of this all and I wonder...Is there a website or book or some sort of help for this?  or is this just life as a woman and you are all just shaking your heads going "oh yea, it stinks but that is life".

I don't think it's normal or healthy to fixate on your food this way or to be hyper focused on your size.

[Joyofsixreboot]

Sadly, I don't think your issues are uncommon. That doesn't mean it's easy to live with. As a culture we're screwed up. I think that if your feelings are this deep seated professional advice may be necessary.

 

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using Tapatalk

[Pawz4me]

I only think about it when it is in front of me and then I obsess over what and if I should eat.  I never day dream of food, I rarely have cravings or plan food or events around food.  I don't want to have to think so hard about how to stick to a super strict diet.  I am gluten free and dairy free as it is.

 

Those first three sentences indicate to my non-professional self that you aren't too far into this obsession/disorder/whatever you want to call it. And that's good. But getting it under control now, before it escalates, is definitely the thing to do. If you want to nip it in the bud and seeing a therapist who deals with this sort of thing fits in your budget then I'd consider doing that.

[Carrie12345]

I would think that talking to a professional therapist could help you uncover WHY you feel that way and how to work on the underlying causes.  

Websites/pages/blogs like Girls Gone Strong, Lift Like a Girl, and Body Positive Fitness Alliance may be helpful in showing you how and why many women live healthy, happy lives without calorie counting, (non-medical) food restrictions, or constant self-judgment.

[fralala]

I have no resources to recommend, but wanted to let you know that no, this is not "just life as a woman". Many women can enjoy food without guilt and are not consumed with thinking about calories and their size.

Have you thought of getting counseling from an actual human? I am not sure that books will help with a deep seated problem you had your entire life.

 

Agree with this. It's not normal. What is (unfortunately) normal is for women to have this kind of conversation around food, about guilt, about being bad, about feeling fat, about having eaten too much (when they really didn't), and so forth...but in my experience most of that is just a weird kind of socializing thing that women do. Don't mistake other women's chatter for your feelings, which sound serious.

 

A friend of mine works with people with eating disorders in her therapy practice. You would not be out of place there, and although it is a true struggle to overcome this kind of relationship with food (partially because of the way women socialize over food-- argh! partially because we must eat) I think it would be very valuable to seek out a therapist to talk to.

[Spryte]

Chiming in to say not normal. I fought hard against an eating disorder as a teen and young adult. Therapy, in person, helps.

[Ann.without.an.e]

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1401945139/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1501131144&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=tapping+for+weight+loss&dpPl=1&dpID=51bo5sObQ4L&ref=plSrch#productDescription_secondary_view_div_1501131267441

 

 

This looks really good.  I bought a copy.  Have you personally read it?

[OH_Homeschooler]

Intuitive Eating. 

 

The text: https://www.amazon.com/Intuitive-Eating-Revolutionary-Program-Works-ebook/dp/B006ZL3P4G/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1501163911&sr=8-1&keywords=Intuitive+Eating

 

The workbook: https://www.amazon.com/Intuitive-Eating-Workbook-Principles-Relationship/dp/1626256225/ref=pd_bxgy_14_img_2?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=1626256225&pd_rd_r=CDH981GADS2FDV0XQBE4&pd_rd_w=ME915&pd_rd_wg=kOuE6&psc=1&refRID=CDH981GADS2FDV0XQBE4 

 

I'm like you. I'm not a binge eater, but my thinking is definitely disordered. These are written for a general audience, but with special sections for those in eating disorder recovery. One of the very first exercises in the workbook convinced me that dieting has only harmed me and actually caused me to gain weight over time. I had heard that before and generally bought into that line of thinking, but listing out all my diets in my life and the outcomes made it very real to me. This book acknowledges that we have been convinced to go on diets for so long to solve our problems, that it takes deprogramming to just have a natural relationship with food. I highly recommend. 

 

ETA: This book is sort of a dummy version presenting the same ideas (even though it mentions binge eating on the cover, you can benefit from it even if you don't binge eat): https://www.amazon.com/Have-Your-Cake-Skinny-Jeans-ebook/dp/B00B9JKNBC/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1501165023&sr=8-1&keywords=skinny+jeans+book

 

And the original Intuitive Eating authors do have a website if you want to look it over: http://www.intuitiveeating.org/

Edited July 27, 2017 by OH_Homeschooler

[MBM]

That was my thought, too. I wonder if one of Dr. Jeffrey Schwartz's books would be helpful.:

http://discovermagazine.com/2013/nov/14-defense-free-will

 

https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_2?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=jeffrey+schwartz&sprefix=jeffery+schwar%2Caps%2CNaN&crid=1C3EYP33O2IVI

I was going to recommend Jeffrey Schwartz, too. He works with people who have tough cases of OCD that don't respond to medication. His simple 4-step method changes the parts of the brain that lead individuals to have deceptive thoughts, urges, feelings. The brain controls the mind but the mind can be used to reshape the brain. Before and after brain imaging scans show the changes that take place. The 4 steps are an active process that must be done regularly to work but they're not complicated to do. I use his method quite often to tweak automatic thoughts, ingrained habits and situations where I tend to procrastinate that get in the way of my goals. The book Mercy linked is excellent. Everyone in our family has a copy.

 

Schwartz studied philosophy, medicine and neuroscience as well as religions. He is a research psychiatrist at UCLA.

[Kassia]

I've struggled with food/weight/exercise/body image for as long as I remember - even as a child.  I've had anorexia, exercise bulimia, binge eating disorder, and compulsive overeating.  My life is absolutely consumed with thinking about those issues.  It's very sad.  I remember reading a book years ago about a woman who had an eating disorder and it talked about how she didn't want her headstone to be, "Wanted to be thin."  That's me.  I'm thin now and look very fit and healthy, but I'm not mentally.  

 

 

[fraidycat]

This looks really good. I bought a copy. Have you personally read it?

Yes, I have. I personally used it for the "body confidence", not so much the weight, so that is what I can speak to as far as a review - it was really good. It's not just a book - it's a workbook, so you have to actually do the exercises, and even if one doesn't seem like it pertains to you, do it anyway - it can be surprising how much you benefit from anyway or find out it does pertain to you more than you realized.

[wonderchica]

Something that's important to remember about eating disorders is that it isn't about your size. You don't have to be skeletal, or even thin to have an eating disorder. You mentioned that you are not "anorexic physically". That's not really a thing.

[fraidycat]

Here is an intro to the book video and mini exercise:

 

[xixstar]

I was also going to recommend Intuitive Eating book.

[Ann.without.an.e]

Y'all have been a great resource.  I am looking into what you have suggested.  Thank you  :hurray: