"Is homeschooling hard?" How do you answer that?

[8filltheheart]

Garga, your post is similar to what I am thinking. Right now hard for me is defined as watching someone I love go daily to a job they hate. Work, as in requiring effort, is not the same to me as hard when I hear it in the context of that question. I might say homeschooling is hard work, but when someone is asking that question it just seems more derogatory than just commitment and effort. I can't imagine that they are really thinking in terms of the opposite being "easy." How can educating a child well and taking on the sole responsibility for that every be thought of as easy?

 

I guess hard/easy are just poor qualifiers for me.

Edited September 21, 2016 by 8FillTheHeart

[Arcadia]

How can educating a child well and taking on the sole responsibility for that every be thought of as easy?

 

I guess hard/easy are just poor qualifiers for me.

When a friend is seriously considering, her "hard" translates to "will I fail at it" when I ask her what she means. She teach part time at community college which is different from teaching her firstborn who is in early intervention to read.

[hepatica]

For me, it's not just something that takes time and commitment, but rather, it does fit more with the dictionary definition of "hard" - i.e. something requiring a great deal of endurance or effort (synonyms: exhausting, wearying, grueling, strenuous). Perhaps it's not good for the image of homeschooling to say that, but I really do feel it takes an enormous amount of just plain hard work. Nothing wrong with that.

 

Maybe how hard it is is also a function of personality. It may be harder for some than for others. I would definitely take personality/temperament into consideration if I were advising someone. And, certain times are easier than others. I found younger children easier than adolescents. But, other things make it hard too, like learning differences. The answer might vary over time and from family to family.

 

Sometimes, even just saying how hard it is feels like an admission of failure. Isn't homeschooling supposed to be just plain awesome! (sarcasm here)

[My3girls]

I guess, I am odd man out.  I think it is very hard.  I tell people that yes, it's the hardest job that I have ever had and the most worthwhile.  I find it very stressful to be solely responsible for my children's education.  Of course, I started homeschooling 3 children at 3 different levels all at one time.  I never had the ease into at pre-K and add another one in a couple of years that some have had.  I think that would have been awesome and so wish we had been able to do that.  I, also, wish that we had the funds to sign up for different classes and coops to take some of the upper level teaching burden off me.  I wish my husband lived with us full time so that I had his everyday assistance.  Unfortunately, I don't have any of that.  I have 3 very strong willed intelligent girls with their own set of needs and quirks, I teach (guide really) all academic subjects and only pay for teachers for art and music (I find writing and science very difficult, especially.), and my husband works in the field 100% of the time to be able to afford for me to stay home and do this for our children. 

 

All that being said, I wouldn't have it any other way.  I love being home with my kids. I know they are getting one on one attention, they get remedial help immediately when needed, are mastering the material before advancing, aren't being spoon-fed the government agenda, and I am there when they need a hug (the best part).  I have made friends that understand what I am going through and give me moral support, and thankfully, there were enough pioneers that I have tons of choices in curriculum and activities so I can find what suits us best.  Everyone is capable of homeschooling, but it is hard work.  Just because I love it doesn't mean it's easy.

 

 

[MerryAtHope]

In a situation like that (passing conversation where we probably aren't going to get into depth), I'd say, "Yes, it's hard work, but definitely worth it!" I have found each stage to have it's own challenges and rewards.

[J-rap]

I'm done now with homeschooling (my youngest is in college), but I never thought homeschooling was hard.  It just took a certain mindset and dedication.

 

Now, parenting is hard.  Not when they were younger so much, but as they got older and life and their psyches became more complicated.  But they are beautiful people and I wouldn't change having children and our time homeschooling for anything!

[mamiof5]

I usually say "it's not easy, but I love it" type of thing. And I am very honest and elaborate more when needed.

[Mimm]

I would say, "Yes, but fulfilling." :)

[theelfqueen]

They also supposedly learn all the swear words and bad manners from you because they couldn't have learnt that from school. If they are quirky, it is because they are over sheltered homeschoolers.

 

That's why I mentioned upthread about finger pointing. My kids were in public school before homeschooling so that shuts many mouths up.

Yup, my kids were in public school a long time... I just blame issues on them 😄

[Shred Betty]

That does seem to be what I get the most questions about, once the normal you-must-be-supermom silliness is out of the way. So many families in this area are habituated to dual incomes even though they could actually shift down to one without much more than curbing some spending habits, but the entire thing is a huge shift that is hard for some to even contemplate. There are justifiable monetary security worries but oftentimes its more not realizing how much is actually spent in the day to day working family/public or private school crunch. In some cases it entirely says the wife'a income, especially with daycare costs and differences in food prep added in.

 In my opinion / experience, it may have more to do with women giving up the illusion of freedom (as they see it,) compared to what they think it means / says about a woman who decides to be a SAHM. Or what they feel is actual freedom, compared to spending all day with kids vs. other adults.

I would say that it's just like any job, that it requires work, and sometimes it's hard, but overall, it's a good experience, and if it becomes not a good experience, than we change what we're doing.  Every job has its ups and downs, and it's not going to be sunshine and roses every single day.

*snip*

 

 

I have done more mental acrobatics than ever before since deciding to homeschool. I keep wondering what skills I'm developing here for myself. Discipline, planning, scheduling, independent problem solving, interpersonal skills, leading from behind, what else? It should be considered special training! Every homeschooling parent should claim some kind of specific thing on their resume... Not sure what thou but it sure shouldn't be empty looking years!

[Arcadia]

Homeschooling while on single income is emotionally hard because of the loss of financial security that even my kids felt when hubby was retrenched. He did get his current job before unemployment started but our kids were old enough to understand and remember.

 

If my working friend's spouse is in the private sector, I would be blunt and tell her to consider working part time and keeping that job just in case because hiring a part time nanny is less than half the full time annual pay.

 

I have seen how someone has to take every babysitting job available when her husband was retrenched just to tide over and she was lucky because all her friends asked her to babysit and also asked their friends to call her to babysit when they heard about the layoff.

 

So I won't tell someone it is okay to quit her job just to homeschool unless they have a lovely nest egg or parents to bail them out if the breadwinner is retrenched. If being a SAHM was decided on even if kids stay in school, that is different because the financial hit is not due to homeschooling.

 

I know a few girlfriends who choose afterschooling over homeschooling because of that financial fear. Academic may not be top notch but school was safe. When I calculated, unemployment benefits for hubby was $400/wk and the COBRA plan offered through his ex-company for layoff workers was almost $600 just for hubby. Monthly mortgage and rents are typically over $2k locally.

 

ETA:

Since we are at the library most days, spending all day with kids isn't even an issue. There are two hour kids only events often at the library. So I can get my mommy coffee chat time at the library courtyard almost daily.

Edited September 22, 2016 by Arcadia

[regentrude]

I have never found homeschooling "hard". I guess I am a slacker; I never prepared lecture notes to explain my kids the textbook content before they read it nor did I ever preview TC lectures. And of course I have only two kids whom I pulled out of school in 5th/6th grades, at an age when school was delightful and easy because they were already literate. The one part that I found hard was the college application stuff with DD; that was intense. 

It was frustrating occasionally, and it required organization to fit it around my job, but not actually hard. Except for foreign language; there I failed with one.

Edited September 22, 2016 by regentrude

[eternalsummer]

I think some kids in some subjects are harder than other kids.  I have found that the subjects or skills where the kid excels is not hard (yet, anyway)  - I just find or present material and it is soaked up like a sponge and I find more material.

 

For subjects/skills that require more careful teaching or remediation there is a learning curve on my part.

[TX Native]

I haven't read any replies, but I would liken it to the question "Is life hard?" The answers are highly variable. Currently, homeschooling is easy for me because I have eager learners, no learning delays, no littles, no physical challenges, a dh fully on board, social support, no job outside the home, I like teaching, I keep a tight budget/live simply but we are paying the bills just fine, and I have access to materials that help me teach effectively. The addition of a job, having to care for a loved one, my getting sick or physically limited, the removal of social support, marital stress, kids' developing a negative attitude or disability, and million of other things could change my answer to hard.

[JessReplanted]

Ever since having #4 I just laugh at that question. Yes, it's very difficult. It's a circus. Every day is a step of faith, trusting that this is God's best plan for our family. And there are moments when I feel like I can see the benefits.

[Valley Girl]

I would say that--for us--it's hard. I'm aware that's not the case for everyone. While I hope to be able to look back one day and say it was the necessary and better choice under the circumstances, there are many days I'm just not sure about that when I compare the costs and benefits. I'm not talking strictly about financial costs either. "Hard" is such an individual thing.

[Clemsondana]

I think that it depends on so many factors!  I sometimes tell people that part of it is how you're more comfortable/happy spending your time.  I know people who spend 2-3 hours a day in carpool lines - I'm happier doing math with my kids, but I can see how one might choose otherwise (on days when one of my children starts wailing that they don't want to do math, I'm ready to choose otherwise, too!).  If I weren't homeschooling I'd be teaching somewhere, so the reading and prep is kind of fun for me - it's what I'd choose to do if I had a full-time job.  I think the biggest struggles at my house aren't the academics, they're the difficulties I'd have in raising my particular kids, only magnified becasue I'm doing it more hours each day.  There's also the difficulty in trying to manage the house - there is never a point at which it's 'clean and put together' because there is always somebody home to mess it up.  But, if I worked as a teacher, it would be hard because I wasn't home enough to get things done, and if my kids were in school, I'd be fighting the 'homework battle' at night...for me, it's mostly about which challenges you're dealing with, because whatever path you choose will have rough spots.    

[SereneHome]

Yes, for me it's hard.   It's a huge responsibility.

 

Education is very very important in our family, raising children with certain values is very very important in our family.  Knowing that is 90% on me makes it scary and hard.  Striking a balance so I don't loose me  is hard.

 

Other things like living on one income - can be figure out.  Schedules and logistics  - can be figure out. 

[Wabi Sabi]

"I've always found it more time consuming than difficult or hard."

[Sahamamama]

I was at my 25 year high school reunion this weekend and I got that question over and over again. Everyone asked in a way that seemed genuinely curious and waited for an answer, so it wasn't a springboard for them to launch into why homeschooling is a bad idea. Even after 16 consecutive years of homeschooling and graduating 2 kids who were homeschooled all the way through, I still feel stumped.  I know they don't want an in depth analysis, but it's too complicated to answer meaningfully. My response was my typical, "Some of it is and some isn't." That seemed to satisfy them but it felt like it was lacking and I'm not completely sure why.  I'm rarely at a loss for words or an explanation. I'm curious how other people answer it when asked by someone who isn't interested in homeschooling their own kids. 

 

I'm also curious how you would answer that question if someone who was seriously considering homeschooling asked you. Since homeschooling mixes so many different aspects of life: personalities, family dynamics, intuitive ability, learning, teaching techniques, and other things like those, I was wondering how others articulate a response to all that.

 

Most of the time, for the Genuinely Curious, I respond as you did, sort of "yes and no." I agree with you, that question is too complicated to answer meaningfully, without telling our story, and most people are not actually asking for that. They are simply on the outside, peeking in, and they wonder what it's like inside. So what I usually say is, "It depends on how a parent defines homeschooling, for herself and for her children, and what level of effort she believes ought to go into it. For us, yes, it is hard work -- for the girls and for me -- but then so is a good life in general. We hope we can go right on homeschooling."

 

With someone considering homeschooling, I would probably still begin with the above statement, then see what follows from there. I like to give others the benefit of the doubt -- that they want what is best for their children. No one knows a child like a parent, you know? I think we need to begin with letting "newbies" or "wannabees" talk about their children, for it is from this that the most effective friendships and mentoring can flow. Who are these kids? Why do their parents think homeschooling will serve them best? IMO, this is a better way to begin, rather than launching into particular materials, curriculum, or co-ops, however much devotion (or revulsion) we have for them. ;)

 

I might also mention some observations I've made over the years about the impact of number, spacing, and special needs of the children*; a family's available resources**; a parent's health and personal habits***; and God's calling+.

 

* Number, spacing, and special needs of the children -- In this area, I feel as though my situation is the "easiest," out of all that I've seen. We have three healthy, neurotypical children, less than two years apart, all girls. I've watched my friends with only or "only" children (who may have older siblings, but are the only one at home), and I've watched my friends with several children spaced farther apart, or with boy-girl-boy-girl distributions. From my perspective, their situation seems harder. For one thing, I am only teaching two grade levels each year (the twins are neck-and-neck). For another, we do so much as a group. I try to imagine teaching, say, 8th, 6th, 4th, 2nd, and K all at once, and I'm like  :leaving: . I'm not implying anything about such spacing, or number of children, or having both sons and daughters, or special needs -- except to say that I think it's easiest with two or three closely spaced children. This definitely impacts my daily existence, LOL! Two years ago, I babysat an energetic toddler for one day, as a favor to a friend. In the morning, the girls were all like, "Oh, we wish we had a baby brother!" By evening, they were all like, "Oh, Mommy, promise us you will not get pregnant." :lol:

 

** Family's resources -- In this area, we may be somewhere in the middle, so to speak. We are not able to enroll the girls in online or outside courses, but at the same time, we can always purchase good quality materials to use at home. This does create a certain kind of homeschooling environment, one that we have come to enjoy and embrace. While some families we know have their kids in multiple online classes, private tutoring, music lessons, sports, co-ops, and so on, we are at home, probably working on composition or math. If we were truly destitute, I would feel my primary responsibility to be helping to make ends meet. I would go out to work, and the kids would go to school. As it is, having to be somewhat frugal seems to increase the number of things that I either (1) drop (hello, Latin) or (2) directly teach (everything else). For now, this is working out well.

 

*** Parents' health & personal habits -- For me, personally, this area was for a long time woefully neglected. I put my own health last. No longer. I decided this summer that my daughters need a living mother, more than they need a dead language. Something had to go, so it was Latin. If a parent's health is in some way a challenge, this doesn't mean the family can't pursue homeschooling. I do think that poor health makes everything harder. As to good habits, IMO, it is important to go to bed on time, to get up in the morning, to get to work, to establish good routines for learning. I think the parent is responsible for initiating these in the home.

 

+ God's calling -- The crux of it is, "Is God calling you to homeschool your children?" If he is, then he will make a way for the diligent disciple to do well with it. He will strengthen, provide, give wisdom, teach, and help us along the way. He will do a work within our hearts and in our children's lives that no amount of knowledge alone could do.

[AdventuresinHomeschooling]

I think it will depend on the individual and their circumstances.  I would find homeschooling one second grader with no other children fairly easy compared to homeschooling a 5th, 2nd and K-4 with an infant.  Circumstances within a personal life matter a lot.  I, personally, find homeschooling easier than doing all the car lines and waking up toddlers from their naps and early alarm clocks and Mom taxi and shouting, "we're late!" and packing backpacks and lunch boxes and doing an hour or more of homework in the evening.  Truly.  Does that mean homeschooling doesn't have challenges?  no.

 

Each person has a unique personality and approach to homeschooling.  Homeschooling looks different to everyone.  Some purchase a paced system of workbooks for their child to work through.  Others pour their life into lesson preparations, unit studies and craft projects.  Some get overwhelmed at the mess, and others love the messy fun their children have.  It depends on the personalities and relationship dynamics of the family, community, etc.  It depends on the strengths, weaknesses and personalities of your child.  No two home schools look alike.  Some do co-ops.  Some do charter schools and have lots of support.  Some do online classes.  And some do it all alone.  And homeschooling elementary is very different from high school.

 

If you are a mom who has little education and struggled all the way through school yourself, you might be more intimidated than a mom with several graduate degrees who can do algebra in her sleep.  (I am not suggesting a mom without an education shouldn't homeschool, but the mother's own knowledge and experience do contribute to the difficulty in teaching some of these things to children...and that would apply to any type of homework any school would give, too.)  My husband and I are academics, but we are not science people.  Our two boys LOVE science and would prefer to do experiments every single day.  I learned that it isn't my strength, and even though I want to have all these living science experiments and nature walks, only so much will actually get done.  So I outsource this, and they are participating in lots of science classes this year.

 

It's all a balance.  It is mentally challenging in the sense that it consumes your thoughts as it is your responsibility to give your children an education.  But the difficulties lie in the details.  Your attitude, approach, mistakes, and tools you choose correlate with your perception of difficulty.  Some find it very challenging, and others find it an organic part of their life in their parenting style.  It's not without challenges or rewards, but it's really what you make of it.

 

I do recommend having one or two main goals at the beginning of the year that truly define success for you.  For me, if I don't get to every project or read every book, I will feel successful if my fifth grader starts writing more academic papers and my second grader is reading chapter books fluidly and frequently by the end of the year.  The other stuff matters, too, but these are my most important goals.  And it helps shape my days and focus my attention.

[BlsdMama]

I was at my 25 year high school reunion this weekend and I got that question over and over again. Everyone asked in a way that seemed genuinely curious and waited for an answer, so it wasn't a springboard for them to launch into why homeschooling is a bad idea. Even after 16 consecutive years of homeschooling and graduating 2 kids who were homeschooled all the way through, I still feel stumped.  I know they don't want an in depth analysis, but it's too complicated to answer meaningfully. My response was my typical, "Some of it is and some isn't." That seemed to satisfy them but it felt like it was lacking and I'm not completely sure why.  I'm rarely at a loss for words or an explanation. I'm curious how other people answer it when asked by someone who isn't interested in homeschooling their own kids. 

 

I'm also curious how you would answer that question if someone who was seriously considering homeschooling asked you. Since homeschooling mixes so many different aspects of life: personalities, family dynamics, intuitive ability, learning, teaching techniques, and other things like those, I was wondering how others articulate a response to all that.

 

 

How about,  "Yeah, absolutely.  But it  is worth every bit of the hard work.  It is an investment.  I put in the capital and got it back with interest." ;)

 

You know I've struggled with this "Is it hard?" question my entire adult life - homeschooling, big families, etc.  And for a long, long while I said nope, because I didn't want to discourage someone else.  But it's not entirely the truth.  It *is* hard.  But it's good.  What else can you ask for in life?  A mission that is both incredibly difficult and incredibly good.  I like doing hard things, I always have - they are very - fulfilling?  

[Plink]

My answer is always, "Sure it's hard. Just like any other job, it requires a lot of work. The one difference is that you are emotionally invested in the outcome, so you will constantly doubt whether you are doing enough. That said, it is the most rewarding hard work I've ever done."

Edited September 28, 2016 by Plink