Mother's Day -- Who do you celebrate?

[Kay in Cal]

It is Mother's Day weekend... I love Mother's Day. Even though I always have to work in the morning, I usually get breakfast in bed, choose what we do that afternoon (tomorrow, due to budget constraints, will be a P&P home film festival--or a museum. I can't decide.), pick a place for dinner, and receive gifts from my dh and children (since they are young, helped by dh). Since we live cross-country from our extended families, we also send gifts to our moms (my mom in-law, mom, and step-mom) and call, sent a gift to my sister-in-law (a new mom), and will call grandmas as well (fewer of these now).

 

My question:

Obviously for us Mother's Day includes celebrating our moms and mothers in law, my dh celebrating me as the mother of his children, and celebrating other family moms (sister, grandma). I remember reading that others approached this holiday differently--who do you include? You can also post what your family does to celebrate. (poll)

Edited May 9, 2009 by Kay in Cal

[Catwoman]

I have to admit that I used to resent it a little bit when Mother's Day was all about my MIL and my own mom. After my MIL passed away, I started to realize that it was only one day of the year and my MIL really loved it, and I wished my feelings had been more charitable. (I don't think she ever knew I was anything but happy to celebrate with her, though. I never said a word to her about it.)

 

Well, my own mom passed away last October, and I would give anything to go back to "taking a back seat" on Mother's Day. I feel so sad that there aren't any Moms to spend the day with and buy gifts for.

 

I'm trying to act happy about Mother's Day for my ds's sake, as he's excited about buying me gifts and making a card, but honestly, my heart is broken this year.

 

Cat

[elegantlion]

We celebrate our mothers, me, and dh's grandmother. Ironically my dh will be at my aunt's (several hours away) this Mother's day. He's working on their house. My mother's day will be very quiet and peaceful until my boys return home.

 

Thanks for the reminder. Her only child is several states away, I'll have dh get her a card and some flowers.

[Remudamom]

I love it, the more the merrier. And today is my birthday too, so we're having an all weekend celebration. Tonight we're going to take the children and grandma and an aunt out to dinner for my birthday, then tomorrow we'll start all over with the same group for mother's day with a dinner here at our house.

 

My mom will get flowers when she returns from a trip she's on right now.

[Catwoman]

:party:

 

Happy Birthday, Remudamom!!! I hope you have a wonderful weekend!!!

 

:party:

 

Cat

[FunnyFarmMom]

I wish we could just ignore the whole thing altogether. Even though I do pretty well the rest of the year, Mother's Day brings home for me that I'm missing some of my children and that my best friend's children are missing their mother. Unfortunately, my mom and MIL don't understand this so I drag myself around to buy them a gift. On the day itself, I just smile and appreciate whatever the kids do and tolerate all the nonsense at church. Blech - this is absolutely my least favorite "holiday".

[Catwoman]

Even though I do pretty well the rest of the year, Mother's Day brings home for me that I'm missing some of my children and that my best friend's children are missing their mother.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I'm so sorry, Nancy. I can't believe that your mom and MIL can't empathize with you on this.

 

Cat

[i.love.lucy]

I try really hard not to make it about me or expect anything. Of course my kids are excited, but as for *me* I want to keep the focus on my mom and MIL. They have both already lost their mothers and I know they are thinking about them on this day, as it should be.

 

I just wish I was with my mom on some holidays. She's several states away and I miss her so much most holidays. It's just too expensive to see each other very often. And I have the added guilt and shame of letting this weekend kind of sneak up on me (no excuse!) and didn't get her gift or card in the mail on time. I hate when I do that!!!!!!:glare:

[AuntieM]

Hmmmm.... this day marks a very painful miscarriage for me.... my first Sunday back at church was on Mother's Day including on that morning, of all things, a baby dedication ceremony. I also do not enjoy being the center of attention. So, I am not crazy about this holiday. I do understand that I am to honor my mother, but it seems rather forced when she is miles away and the distance is not only physical, but emotional as well.

 

I love the idea of acknowledging the love of a mother. But, like so much of what we do at Christmas, I feel this is "obligatory" gift giving and, perhaps just due to my personal temperament, I feel it could diminish the true sentiments one might have, especially if the celebrant's expectations are high. I would rather enjoy spontaneous words and acts of appreciation than have my children and husband feel the pressure to put on a good show for me.

 

DH takes his mom out the day before for a one-on-one lunch date. No one else, just the two of them. She really appreciates that, because it is rare that there are not others around.

[Hathersage]

I never liked the holiday. Never can spend my birthday with who I want to. Can spend it with my family, but never my firiends. (This year its on Tuesday, which happens to be the day my extended family is getting together for Mother's Day.) Umm, No.

[myfunnybunch]

I send my mother a gift because she's across the country this time of year. I usually call and thank her for being a wonderful mother.

 

We buy a small gift for my MIL, and the kids make her cards.

 

I get to sleep in, breakfast in bed, handmade cards and flowers from the yard. Sometimes I get a gift, but really I'm happy with the cards and hugs.

 

The best part of the day, though, is the middle. We all go to visit with MIL and eat lunch with her. I give her a hug and thank her for raising my wonderful husband.

 

Then I go home. I get the house to myself for 2-3 hours. I nap or read or garden. Mil gets a house full of children and noise and excitement. I get a house full of peace and quiet. It's a perfect gift for each of us.

 

Then everyone comes home and we eat dinner together. :party:

 

Cat

[cathmom]

I love it, the more the merrier. And today is my birthday too, so we're having an all weekend celebration. Tonight we're going to take the children and grandma and an aunt out to dinner for my birthday, then tomorrow we'll start all over with the same group for mother's day with a dinner here at our house.

 

My mom will get flowers when she returns from a trip she's on right now.

 

 

Today is my birthday too!

[nukeswife]

My dh may make me a card and have the kids sign it if he's home, but usually it's no big deal around here. I usually call my mom because she's 800 miles away but that's about it. My dh will sometimes call his mom, but lately that's not happening as much because of the way she treats me and our children. I knew she never liked me, but tolerated me since I gave her, the first 2 grandchildren, but now my 3 kids are pretty much ignored except for the yearly birthday and xmas presents my ILs send because my Brother in Laws now have kids so they are all more important in her eyes than mine because she likes my SILs.

 

Sorry if I've been a downer about this holiday. I really just hope it passes quickly since my dh is away and it's just me and the kids.

[*********]

Wow, I'm SO relieved to find that I'm not the only mom who doesn't enjoy Mother's Day.

 

First, you have my biological mom, who lost custody to my dad when I was 4, quit coming to visit when I was 8, and whom I have neither seen nor spoken with in over 13 years.

 

Then, you have my stepmom, who married my dad when I was five, who always resented me and my two sisters, told us so to our face, said things like 'I could have a nice life if it wasn't for you kids' and 'I can't wait until you're 18 so I can kick you out', etc. (Ha, I guess we all showed her, every one of us moved out when we were 17). Did I mention she now tries to act like she can't understand why we don't have a relationship?

 

And finally, my mil, who is in very poor physical health (like she has COPD and is on the lung transplant list), who has always despised me because she wanted my husband to marry the mother of his two older children (which never happened). She recently went on a rant to dh about how awful it was that I homeschool our two boys. That's who I'll be spending my day visiting, since dh is trying to show his mother the love of Christ, and we both want to take every opportunity we can to share the gospel with her, as it appears her time left here on earth may be very short.

 

So, yeah, I just told my dh the other day how much I HATE Mother's Day.

Edited May 9, 2009 by bethanyniez
grammar

[Luanne]

We aren't celebrating on Mother's Day. We are going to take my mother out for lunch later in the month. My brother-in-law starts arguments every time we get together with them (my sister and him) and my parents so we aren't getting together with them anytime he is going to be there. I don't know why he has to be so difficult, but he doesn't like my daughter and he can't seem to keep it to himself.

[TCoppock]

I love the idea of acknowledging the love of a mother. But, like so much of what we do at Christmas, I feel this is "obligatory" gift giving and, perhaps just due to my personal temperament, I feel it could diminish the true sentiments one might have, especially if the celebrant's expectations are high. I would rather enjoy spontaneous words and acts of appreciation than have my children and husband feel the pressure to put on a good show for me.

 

The forced gift giving and pressure to be together often makes me miserable any holiday. I hate being pulled from one family to the next. I seem to be the only one who feels we don't HAVE TO celebrate on the assigned day some random person bestowed upon us. Last year I was pressured into going to brunch with DH's family even though I had just worked for 12 hours and been up for over 24. Sadly, my situation will probably never change because I am a people pleaser and hate to make waves.

 

 

Sorry for the rant.

[Kathleen in VA]

I think the founder of Mother's Day was trying to be sweet to her mother, but the holiday has morphed into another commercial nightmare in my opinion. It just seems so fake to buy gifts and flowers and cards one day a year, although for many I know they are sincere - in order to make sure their mother/wife/whoever doesn't feel slighted.

 

It also has the potential of being hurtful to so many others. I think it would be better for individuals to show love and appreciation to their mothers whenever it springs from their hearts and not to feel pressured to make a big deal out the second Sunday in May. I think of my sister on this day and it truly grieves me. She had to have a hysterectomy in her twenties and has no children - I know it breaks her heart.

[Amber in SJ]

Over the 15 years that I have been a mom I have had a love/ hate relationship with Mother's Day. On the one hand I love the concept on the other hand I hate to sit in church and listen to talks about "perfect" mothers, that I can never live up to. I love to have a day off, but I hate the idea that my family is "obliged" to do this for me. I love to get presents (there, I said it!) but I hate the fact that my dh tends to get me presents that seem more for him, or bear no resemblance to anything I would like.

 

Our solution is the Mother's Day Weekend plans:

 

On Thursday before Mother's Day I make 3 lists. One is a menu of food I would like for breakfast, lunch and dinner for Saturday & Sunday. These are usually meals dh & the kids can make or places I like to eat. I try to keep it simple. The next list is things I would like to do on Saturday & Sunday. I list things like going to the movies, browsing a bookstore, taking a nap, going to the beach, etc & then I indicate if I want to do these things alone or with the entire family. The final list is a list of chores that I would like done for me. This ranges from dh required (fence building) to easy (fold the laundry without complaining) there are usually only 1-2 things for each person. Even the 4yo likes to help do "mommy's job" for one day. The lists are turned in to dh so on Friday he can assemble any supplies necessary. I am sure he would rather give me grocery store flowers like other dads do, but we turn around and do the same thing for Father's Day.

 

My mom & MIL are not close enough to visit so their packages go out earlier in the week & they get calls on actual Mother's Day.

 

I hope everyone has a great Mother's Day,

Amber in SJ

[Impish]

Mother's Day is all about me! My mother and I have a...strained...relationship at best. And we live several provinces apart. A phone call or email is all that is exchanged. MIL is a province away. I used to send her cards, but after a few snotty remarks, dumped that responsibility back in dh's lap. How is it that marriage makes me suddenly responsible for buying cards for his mom anyways? It is HIS mother! So, I refuse to take responsibility for any Mother's Day card/gift whatever for MIL...whatever gets done is by him, so usually thats a phone call too.

 

Mother's Day, like on my birhtday, I go on strike. Not a meal do I cook, not a thing do I pick up, wash, etc. I laze about, cuddle and snuggle with the kids, read a book....its lovely. :D

[Chris in VA]

Gosh.

I feel really lucky.

I have a great mil, I'm close emotionally to my mom, and my husband and kids acknowledge me on MD with cards and sometimes flowers or a special activity. We use it as a day to express thanks and appreciation. No pressure, no obligation, we just do it, like we remember birthdays. Just because a day is set aside special doesn't mean it's the only day to be kind and appreciative. I don't feel a bit fake. If anything in this world should be celebrated, it's motherhood.

Still, I do understand the heartbreak of those who can't be moms, or have crappy moms, or whatever. Like I said, I feel lucky.

[sassenach]

Today is my birthday too!

 

It's my ds's as well. He's in great company!

 

Happy Birthday!

[Danestress]

I hate when they do the smarmy "Moms are so great" thing at church. I don't want church to be about mothers.

 

But I like having my MIL and Mom over, and since MIL moved to town, I enjoy shopping for them at the same time - it's a special challenge to get the same thing for both of them but that both of them will like.

 

My kids always give me lots of love, and DH has them get me a present, but I don't really want more than that. I definitely don't want to go out. We will go to church and then DS has a tennis match and then the Moms will come over here for a light supper.

[cathmom]

then the Moms will come over here for a light supper.

 

 

That's very nice! Appreciate it! Our moms probably will never speak to each other again.

[Rosie_0801]

We don't go in for mother's day much, as it feels too forced. My mother lives on the other side of the country so I usually send the obligatory text message. She's over at the moment, and will be coming around for breakfast when she gets herself out of bed, probably bringing her mother too. I usually nag dh to ring his mother, but she's been so unpleasant lately I merely reminded him last week and left it at that. I always send a "Happy Godmother's Day" to dc's godmum. She doesn't have any kids of her own, so I like to do that.

 

Rosie

[Pajama Mama]

I sent my mom flowers for Mother's Day because she doesn't live close by. Actually, it's a flowering plant that she can put in her garden.

 

I took the kids out to buy my MIL a present and card today. Dh has a crazy schedule so I picked out his card as well. We'll take over her present with some flowers tomorrow.

 

As for me--we're going to see Star Trek tomorrow. I know the kids bought me something but I really just wanna go see the movie with my family. It's an improvement over last year. Last year, I wanted to be by myself as my Mother's Day present:)