Help me think this through . . . kids and church clothes.

[Rose in BC]

I grew up in a traditional church setting with conservative parents who liked us to wear our Sunday finest to church each week.

 

We attend a small homechurch in someone's home each Sunday.

 

I would like my kids to wear something other than their grubby week day clothes. I don't expect suit and tie, just something set aside for Sundays.

 

My problem? One of my ds has a huge sensitivity issue and has very few clothes that work and when they do he wears them, almost like a uniform. Everyday, all the time.

 

My other ds is just concerned about looking cool.

 

So, my question is, should I make a big deal about what they wear on Sundays (if it's clean)? I know God doesn't look at their clothing and judges them according to how well dressed they are. However, I do somewhat equate their dress with respectfulness. Am I out to lunch? What do others do?

[HiddenJewel]

We view dressing nicer on Sunday as one way of giving God our best. Now I realize that dress is a very small part of that. But it is one way of showing honor. We don't dress fancy but we do have a rule of no blue jeans. Overall we strive for looking modest and appropriate. What is appropriate will vary from family to family.

[Plucky]

We belong to a church where everyone wears informal clothes. We love it. If the clothes are clean and presentable (no holes, not too tight, loose, short, etc.) I'm happy.

[AuntPol]

I personally like to dress nicely to honor God.

 

However, I know so many adults who eschew church because they have bad memories of being forced to wear dresses or suits, etc that I have no clothing requirements of my children, other than it not be obviously dirty. I will suggest they dress nice but I am actually pleased if it matches. My son has sensory issues too so that's another reason not to push it for me. Our church is very laid back about clothes. You will see everything from cutoffs and flip flops to biker leather to very dressy outfits with matching shoes, hats, gloves, etc.

[TrixieB]

I disliked going to church as a child/teen because it meant dressing up. So I decided my kids can wear whatever they want as long as their clothing choices are clean, hole-free, and modest. My kids dislike dressing up and I'd rather not have the clothing issue give them a reason to dislike attending church. Luckily most people at our church dress casually.

[MSNative]

We have found two pairs of pants and two golf shirts for the boys to wear to church. They pick them out when we buy them. They choose then if it's comfortable, cute, etc. They get to pick which they wear Sunday morning. No questions, no chaos.

[mommylawyer]

Fortunately, I have two little girls who LOVE to wear dresses. My son never goes to Mass without wearing a shirt with a collar (unless it's a sweater in the winter).

 

I tend to dress up the children; maybe not in their Sunday finest, but not in rags either.

 

My only solid rule about Sunday church attire: ABSOLUTELY NO DENIM!

[Sharon H in IL]

Of course you're not over the top for wanting your children to dress nicely. Heck, considering the wide variety of 'normal' out there, you aren't asking too much.

 

How that needs to work for your family is up to you to decide. Can Mr. Sensitive help you brainstorm a workable plan? That's what I do with the kids when we need to incorporate several people's needs.

[chaik76]

We grew up wearing our nicest. Oldest ds has sensitivity issues. I allow him to wear what works for him (very, very soft cotton, no collars, soft pants). The baby I dress nicer. He doesn't look like he's going to have the same kind of issues, so he'll probably always be dressed nicer for church.

 

My Nana always said to wear your nicest clothes to church. If those clothes are jeans and a t-shirt, so be it. If they're a suit, you should wear that. So if your son's nicest clothes are "every day" clothes, I would go with that. I found that it made church a miserable concern for everybody when I forced my son to wear clothes he couldn't deal with. It made him hate church, and that just wasn't worth it to me.

[Nestof3]

We housechurch, and for the most part, people wear the same clothes to the meeting as they do at home. For those who farm, they wear their cleanest clothes, but none of us "dress up." Sometimes, I'll wear a somewhat dressier outfit than what I wear around the house (which is usually a comfortable skirt), but nothing like hose, heels, etc.

 

My husband usually wears his Dickies khakis, and our eldest dresses the same as he does for school -- today was jeans and a nice short-sleeve shirt. Our boys wear jeans/shorts and a shirt -- same as they wear any other day.

 

Unless one of us is working in the garden, working out, or actually working (like my husband in his lawn maintenance job), we are usually dressed pretty decently.

 

We don't go to meeting for God or dress to impress Him -- we go to the meeting to teach and encourage one another, so we don't really think in terms of giving God our best. The only rule is that the outfit has to be modest, but then we dress that way every day of the week.

Edited April 13, 2009 by nestof3

[Ellie]

I think it's a useful social skill to understand that we dress differently for different kinds of things. So, yes, I'd make as big a deal of it as is possible, given your dc's circumstances.

[OnTheBrink]

When I was growing up, my mother insisted I wear my best to church. But her motivation was that how I looked reflected on her, and heaven forbid she look anything but perfect. So, I have a bad taste in my mouth for gussying up for the sake of appearances.

 

With my own dd, she must wear clean clothes, modest and appropriate, which means, no jeans for Sunday morning, but she can wear gouchos or skirts, or one of a few pairs of nice capri pants that she has. We do dress up a little more for Christmas and Easter, but not overly. Having said all this, really, her church dress requirements are not that much different than her daily dress requirements of clean, modest clothes, appropriate for what the day's events call for.

[Kathy in MD]

My ds has both sensitivity and "cool" issues. Combine that with a church where the teens tend to be ultra casual, I struggle to get him to dress even in a polo shirt.

 

However, I've convinced him that a wedding and a recent b'day require him to start dressing a bit more as an adult. So soon it's a tie and jacket for him. This I consider training for him, as ties and jackets are still the business uniform and needed for various more formal occasions.

[heart'sjoy]

Church was a good opportunity to teach clothing groups.

 

Clothing groups are kind of like food groups. :confused: maybe this is too far of a stretch. But we've been working on clothes have groups and each child can choose based on what category the day or situation calls for:

ex:

play/at home clothes

casual clothes

dressy/formal clothes

 

My main goal is not what they wear to church but teaching them to consider what would work for each situation.

 

Sometimes my 5 yearold gets himself dressed and says would this work for church then I won't have to pack play clothes for when we to straight to MIL and the playground after church.

 

I've said, yes, to blue jeans and a color block t-shirt. The outfit he's choosing is on the bottom of the scale of what I think is reasonable for the rural church we attend. He has something nicer, but he's meeting my goal of considering what would work for the situation.:hurray:

[ChristusG]

I want my girls to be nice and clean for church, but that doesnt mean dresses. Actually, I usually dress them in jeans and a nice shirt (not just a t-shirt) for church. Maybe a bow in their hair, maybe not. No grubby shoes....but nice clean shoes. I personally hate dresses so I do not even wear them. It's jeans and a nice blouse for me.

[chaik76]

I think it's a useful social skill to understand that we dress differently for different kinds of things. So, yes, I'd make as big a deal of it as is possible, given your dc's circumstances.

I think this is something that we learn naturally (through modeling) as we grow up though. I never wore a suit to church, but I knew to wear one to job interviews and to work. I don't wear a swimsuit to homeschool co-op...I know what clothes are appropriate there. I think it's great to dress appropriately for an event, but that doesn't mean one has to go all out either.

[Ellie]

I think this is something that we learn naturally (through modeling) as we grow up though. I never wore a suit to church, but I knew to wear one to job interviews and to work. I don't wear a swimsuit to homeschool co-op...I know what clothes are appropriate there. I think it's great to dress appropriately for an event, but that doesn't mean one has to go all out either.

Not always. Goodness knows I've seen enough people inappropriately dressed for any number of events to know that some things must be taught, not caught.:)

[Rosie_0801]

If the church you attend has a formal dress code, I think it's appropriate to adhere to it. Suit and tie might be a bit excessive, but a pair of nicely ironed trousers and a shirt with a collar isn't asking too much of them, is it? I was bought up with the idea that one dresses appropriately for church, and my dh always went to church in his every day clothes. We had a bit of an argument the other week about what he was allowed to wear to our friends' daughter's christening and it turned out once he was there and saw everyone else, he was glad his pagan partner had laid down the law and made him dress nicely!

 

Rosie

[Jean in Newcastle]

Ds wears nicer clothes than he does during the week - dockers or khaki pants, sometimes nice corduroy pants in the winter; long-sleeved cotton shirt (I like the clothes at "The Children's Place") or nice sweater during colder weather, short sleeved cotton shirt (button down) or a very nice polo during warm weather.

 

For me - it is a respect issue but I don't put too huge an emphasis on it either.

[Vida Winter]

I have the kids wear modest, clean clothing. In the winter it is most often jeans and a sweater. Two weeks ago we got stuck in the snow and it took us 4 hours to get home from church in a blizzard. When we left for church that morning it was clear. Digging out of the mess, if I had been wearing anything else but pants, snow boots, and a down parka, it would have been dangerous.

 

People in town who go to our church generally don't have to deal with this type of road condition, so they dress up more than we do.

 

In good weather, we wear dresses and skirts.

[ConnieB]

I'm one who holds on to the fact that God sees me n*ked in the shower and still loves me, so I never worried about what I wore to church. And thankfully I went to a church that apparently felt the same as the difference in clothing ranged from grubby jeans all the way through to what looked to me more like wedding reception attire, lol. And everything in between (mostly in between of course, but there were always those who you could count on to be grubby, and those who would always be completely decked out).

 

 

 

I would ask myself a couple of questions in your situation:

 

How do the other people who attend these meetings dress?

 

If your children are dressed in the same manner as others their age, then I would let it go. Especially teens. They have enough issues that I wouldn't want clothing to come between them and the purpose for being at church. I would want them to be comfortable enough to be able to focus on the service rather than on their feelings of being "different".

 

If the other children in the group are dressed more formally, then I'd have to ask myself whether it's a mountain I want to climb. Again, the comfort to hear the message issue would be more important to me, but I think I would also have a discussion about sometimes having to do things that aren't our first choice because it's the appropriate thing to do.

 

I love my blue jeans and don't own a dress anymore.....and we don't tend to do things where jeans wouldn't be appropriate (we also live in the Southwest where blue jeans can actually be considered dressing up, lol). However, if there were some occasion where blue jeans wouldn't be appropriate, I'd go shopping. But, since I don't think the President will be asking for a meeting, nor is anyone wanting to bestow an award on me or anything else exciting like that, I am saving my dress shopping for another century. LOL

 

Good luck with your decision making.....it's never a black and white situation so the answers aren't always as easy either.

[Jenny in Florida]

. . . that we attend a Unitarian Univeralist church, which is not big into what one might call traditional, here's what I think.

 

I think it's fine to designate certain places and events as requiring more formal clothing. And I think it's worthwhile to teach our kids that certain settings call for certain practices. So, I think that looking around at what the other kids are wearing and aiming for getting your kids into outfits that fall within the range of normal at your church is a great goal.

 

In terms of the sensitivity issues, my daughter was like that when she was younger. She couldn't stand anything tight around her neck or waist, got cranky about tags, was miserable in tights, etc. What we did was find a couple of types of outfits that worked for her and then acquire those items in a variety of styles.

 

In her case, the standby items were t-shirt dresses (the kind where you attach fabric to the bottom of a t-shirt) and overalls. So, she had a whole wardrobe of dresses in various types of fabrics, plain cotton prints for everyday and dressier stuff for special occasions. Some were short sleeved or sleeveless, and others were long sleeved. I even made her a bunch of nightgowns using the same approach with flannel and similar soft fabrics. When it was cold and she needed something on her legs, she wore the overalls.

 

I think in your situation, I'd explain that I felt we needed to step things up a notch for church. Then, I'd take the kiddo shopping and let him choose a couple of outfits that he felt he could stand for Sundays that met your standards. The rule would be that he could choose within a range of possibilities, but that he had to wear one of those outfits every week.

 

That's how we used to handle it with our daughter. And the good news is that she did eventually grow out of the sensitivity thing to a large degree. She's still picky about clothes, but it's not nearly as tough as it used to be.

[Hoggirl]

we do "dress" for church. Not formally. But, I do want my ds to have a distinction between church clothes and play clothes. I do only insist on this for "worship" times. I mean it is all worship, but for church and SS he has to wear a collared shirt and dress pants. No jeans. He does wear shorts in the summer, but they are dress (khaki-type). Now, for kids' programs such as VBS, kids choir, and our Sunday evening and Tuesday afternoon kids' programs he can be very casual.

 

Not sure what to say on the sensitivity issue.

[Arch at Home]

My children are creative dressers. To eliminate the need to discuss each week whether an outfit was appropriate for church we acquired "church outfits". This allowed me to have control over what they wore when we went to more dresser occasions and it helped with being sure that they had a clean, matching outfit for church. In my mind that could be whatever is deemed appropriate for your church. I am sure that you would be able to find outfits that would be acceptable to each individual son and to you.

[Melissa in St Louis]

...and I actually did a dance of happiness the other day in the Children's Place dressing room!:D:D We FINALLY found the Holy Grail of Elastic Waist dress pants -- DS6 put them on and said, "These are comfy!" :DAhhh, I smile just thinking about it! We had a tear-free Sunday for the first time because we weren't fighting about "horrid" (his description) pants! :D

 

Here's the link:http://www.childrensplace.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?langId=-1&catalogId=10001&storeId=10001&productId=524200 AND they are on sale right now for $7.50! This would be a good time to stock up justbout anywhere, I bet, becaue of after-Easter sales.

 

HTH!

Melissa in St Louis

[mom31257]

My ds is convinced a tie hurts his neck, even though I can put several fingers in between it and his neck. Keep in mind, I've only required a tie on special occasions. I do expect the kids to dress nicer for Sunday morning, but I feel that this is probably good for them. I do let them go more casual for Wednesday nights, but they usually have more intense games in the children's ministries and need to be more comfortable. I see many teens in our church never dressed up, and it just seems disrespectful. We had one girl who went several months not wearing shoes in the building. UUGGHHH!!!!

 

Some day they may have a job that requires them to dress up, so they need to realize there are standards that have to be kept. My dh is a teacher in public school and has to wear dress pants, dress shirt, and a tie each day. If my kids were in school, it would be a private school in which most wear uniforms. They would have plenty of practice then of wearing what's required of them.

[Nestof3]

Oh, I wanted to add that because we house church and all eat together afterward, the children would be ruining dress clothes each Sunday as they play ball, collect tadpoles in the mud, hold baby lambs, climb trees, play volleyball, etc. They play for about two hours after the meeting. Most of the moms are breastfeeding babies or holding little ones on their laps. We also have to put sunscreen on the boys in the spring and summer, and that ruins clothes.

 

Yesterday, the hosts had a chocolate fountain which made the children look like they had gone through a chocolate war, and we met in an out-building which has more room than their living room.

 

One of the moms was holding a drink when a wasp flew on her head. She was startled because she thought it was the lizard falling from the rafters (we had just seen a lizard), so she dropper her drink all over her skirt and shoes. It was a good thing she wasn't dressed in her finest. :)

 

When it was time to go home, we removed the boys shoes so they wouldn't get mud all over the van, Ben removed his pants and wrapped a towel around himself, and we drove off with a plastic container full of tadpoles in the back.

 

We all know how to dress for certain ocassions.

 

We dress up very nicely for weddings and other such functions.

 

We dress in traditional church clothes when we have to visit another church.

 

I dress up a bit when I go out to dinner with my husband (after all, I AM dressing for him -- in church, I'm not dressing for God -- He's everywhere and only cares that I'm modest in front of others).

 

And, I've been known to wear sexy black lingerie for my husband's eyes only. ;)

[Rose in BC]

I think I'm going to go out this week and find an outfit for each of the boys that is comfortable, relatively casual (given our home church setting) and make sure they only wear it on Sundays (only because if I allow them to wear it every day it'll look grungy after two weeks . . . my one ds is very hard on clothing).

 

Our home church setting does mean that we eat a meal together after worship and the kids do play outside for a couple of hours while the adults socialize. I think I'll get them to pack an extra set of clothing for that.

 

Thanks again for your responses.

[SonshineLearner]

My parents always had us wear dresses, nice pants and tops for my brother. It's a good memory. My dad's friend, when they were talking, said if you aren't wearing your nice clothes for God, then who are you saving them for? I know "nice" is obviously relative, but at least not your holy jeans.

Carrie:-)

[Loupelou]

I appreciated the comment made that children should be able to understand and see that there are different dress standards for different occasions. I know in my case, we've put dresses on the girls and slacks on our 1 boy since they were tiny babies. Yes, I did have 1 daughter who hated the tags, or the high collars, we just found dresses she would wear. Thankfully my son loves to dress like a little man so no problems there either.

 

-Also, I agree that you should look around and see what others' in the congregation are wearing and emulate that.

 

-We all know that the "Lord looketh on the heart..."; so I guess is the motive for not dressing in a special outfit to be rebellious, one of those "wow, I never thought of that" moments, or even dressing in "Sunday best" isn't something you feel is important?

 

I also feel "Sunday best" can be subjective for some people, and really it's not our business how someone else interprets it. Maybe so and so's really nice Levi's is the best pair he has.

[chaik76]

Not always. Goodness knows I've seen enough people inappropriately dressed for any number of events to know that some things must be taught, not caught.:)

You're right! I'm duly corrected.:001_smile:

[Jenny in Florida]

Oh, I wanted to add that because we house church and all eat together afterward, the children would be ruining dress clothes each Sunday as they play ball, collect tadpoles in the mud, hold baby lambs, climb trees, play volleyball, etc. They play for about two hours after the meeting.

 

Yes, at our church the kids spend about 45 minutes on the playground after they leave the service. If they were dressed to the nines, they'd be ruining clothes every week.