Ria Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Especially when you are 45 and your parents are 72. And somehow you are still 14 in certain eyes. And it's just. not. good. That is all. Ria Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chelle in MO Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Oh, bless your heart, Ria! I know it's so hard. There's just no way around that. I'm sure you're a great daughter! Chelle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RebeccaS Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 :grouphug: My dear sil is an only child, born late in life. She is just about the same age and dealing with her mother (In her 80's if I'm not mistaken), who really needs a lot of help and still views her as 14. (She calls to vent occasionally:001_smile:) Knowing what she tells me, I can sympathize.;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ria Posted January 16, 2009 Author Share Posted January 16, 2009 Thanks. It's just sometimes so hard...more so since my dad's been in the hospital and rehab (he comes home tomorrow...thank God). Case in point: my mom got a new car. A Lexus...not her first one, btw. She would not let me drive it...I might wreck it. I can't stand it. Ria Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 :grouphug: I am an oldest too. It's not just the way I relate to my mother; it's also the way my siblings and I relate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMCassandra Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Yah, feeling your pain here. Except, try being an only. It stinks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 :grouphug: from another firstborn. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chelle in MO Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Thanks. It's just sometimes so hard...more so since my dad's been in the hospital and rehab (he comes home tomorrow...thank God). Case in point: my mom got a new car. A Lexus...not her first one, btw. She would not let me drive it...I might wreck it. I can't stand it. Ria O.k., Ria. Now I'm even more sorry for you! You're 45 and can't drive her new car??? That puts things in a whole new perspective! Big, giant hugs to you! Chelle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 If family would just listen to us firstborns their lives would be so much easier. We know it all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colleen in NS Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 If family would just listen to us firstborns their lives would be so much easier. We know it all. :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol: from another firstborn. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 If family would just listen to us firstborns their lives would be so much easier. We know it all. Absolutely! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose in BC Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Thanks. It's just sometimes so hard...more so since my dad's been in the hospital and rehab (he comes home tomorrow...thank God). Case in point: my mom got a new car. A Lexus...not her first one, btw. She would not let me drive it...I might wreck it. I can't stand it. Ria She's 81 and I'm 43 and your example sounds exactly like my mom, and she's not driving a lexus but you'd think she was! lol!:001_smile: It is hard. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Buckin' Longhorn Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Oh, yes. I feel your pain. :grouphug: I too am a firstborn. To add insult to injury, my Mom is mentally ill and called and cussed me out yesterday for allowing people at her church to put cameras in her house, because she needs her privacy. :confused: Lordy, Lordy! Just once, I wish she'd call my little sister. Just once. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Thanks. It's just sometimes so hard...more so since my dad's been in the hospital and rehab (he comes home tomorrow...thank God). Case in point: my mom got a new car. A Lexus...not her first one, btw. She would not let me drive it...I might wreck it. I can't stand it. Ria LOL! :lol: So Ria, are you a *wild* driver?? My mother tried to tell me how to organize my kitchen cabinets when I was in my thirties and when my son was born she actually said this on the phone while I was in the hopital:" Make sure to support his head and don't bathe him in too hot water!" If my belly hadn't been hurting, I would have hollered out loud. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 At least your parents are relatively healthy, all things considered! Mine are both battling different forms of dementia, and that makes it always interesting to deal with them on any front. They're convinced that "not a thing" is wrong with them and the that the doctors are out to get them. My mother is going through a period where she's convinced that she should be driving again even though she can no longer give directions to the house where she's lived for 45 years, and she no longer recognizes friends unless she sees them several times a week. She suddenly blacked out 8-10 times in 2008, and the doctors thankfully refused to let her keep her license last January. She still tells me, "Not a thing is wrong with my brain, and I should know." And even though I live thousands of miles away, have a disabled husband, work, and homeschool -- everyone calls me expecting me to "fix" them because I'm the oldest. Ah well... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 She's 81 and I'm 43 and your example sounds exactly like my mom, and she's not driving a lexus but you'd think she was! lol!:001_smile: It is hard. :grouphug: If she's driving anything at that age I'm impressed. For Petes' sake, does she want to come and live with me??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aggie Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 If family would just listen to us firstborns their lives would be so much easier. We know it all. As a firstborn, I agree! And my firstborn would agree, too.:glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colleen Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 I'm sorry, friend. I'm the youngest and yet I can wholeheartedly identify and sympathize. It's hard, I know.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flyingmommy Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 I am the third child and I have always felt like the oldest because I have always been the one who is supposed to solve every problem and avert every crisis! And to make matters worse, I am 40 and my dad is 69 and if we went into a store together tomorrow, he would still tell me not to touch anything! ARgh! Jeannie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sharon in SC Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Especially when you are 45 and your parents are 72. And somehow you are still 14 in certain eyes. And it's just. not. good. That is all. Ria :grouphug:, friend, from a fellow firstborn whose parents are 67. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mad Jenny Flint Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 My mom is often like a whiny child, and she lives with me. I think it's just never easy. I only hope that my relationship with my kids is such, throughout our lives, that we can be close enough so that when things come up, we can work through it together... and they don't feel like they can't talk to me about it, but must instead just find a way to cope with me and my difficult behavior. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 (edited) It seems like in my family it's the child who lives nearest who bears the burdens (that would be me!) and the youngest (a sister) who gets the least respect. My younger sister really hates that my parents are so dismissive of her input. My oldest sister definitely is the one who most believes that problems should have solutions, and she's always struggling to find them. Maybe that's the burden of being the oldest? But since she doesn't live here and I do, I feel like she's trying to come up with new things I could do to make problems with my parents better, and at times it's sort of hard. Anyway, aging parents are a really really hard challenge and my heart goes out to you. There was a time when being with my parents was a pleasure - they were younger and braver and I felt safe with them and in their house. Now I am in that time of life when it's just really hard and sad and burdensome, and my heart goes out to you. Edited January 16, 2009 by Danestress Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 :grouphug:ITA....Hugs and prayers hang in there.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom2GirlsTX Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Oh I'm sorry...hugs... The part about you might wreck her new car is really funny though :lol: I was the youngest, but the only one who took care of my parents before they died. I came along when my mother was 45 and my father 50. I lost my parents quite a few years ago, but in their eyes, I really never quit being the baby that they needed to protect. Growing old is hard -- for everyone :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose in BC Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 If she's driving anything at that age I'm impressed. For Petes' sake, does she want to come and live with me??? You know you're absolutely right. My mom is spry, independent (makes us crazy sometimes) and we often forget her age. We are very thankful that she is an active and relatively healthy senior. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sagira Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 :grouphug: I'm an only, and only 32. It's hard when my mom is 70 and her health is starting to fail her and I live in the US when she lives alone in another country (with free healthcare). This is a reason I had another child. At least to have someone to share it with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dorothy Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 the middle or the baby. I am the youngest in my family and I am on the FRONT LINES in dealing with my mom's totally wacko behavior. My sister (middle) fought her way out of the line of fire a long time ago and my brother (eldest) checked out mentally 30 years ago. To add insult to injury, they both act like I have had such an easy time because I am the baby! AAAGHH! Oh, yeah, it was so easy to be at home alone with mad mother (I am much younger than sibs) and take the brunt of everything solo and deal with her now because I am the only one who puts up with her antics. Just want to stand up for the often misunderstood babies of the family!!! By the way, my dh - also the baby - has the same crappy situation with his sibs and parents. We two are fully responsible for our elderly parents and our sibs are NOT a help. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 By the way, my dh - also the baby - has the same crappy situation with his sibs and parents. We two are fully responsible for our elderly parents and our sibs are NOT a help. :glare: I'll agree that double birth positions are double whammies. Dh and I are both firstborns and often find ourselves in the position of "parenting" both sets of parents. And none of our parents are even retired yet!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ria Posted January 16, 2009 Author Share Posted January 16, 2009 LOL. You guys are great! I guess what I should have said is that it's very hard to be a child in your aging parents' eyes, eh? Ugh. My dad is being released from the rehab hospital today, and that means my mom won't be over here for dinner every night. I love her dearly (despite not being allowed to drive the d*mn car) but 12 days of togetherness is pushing it. I must say you have all made me laugh and feel much better. Maybe the next time I mop something up off the floor with a dishtowel and she says to me, "You AREN"T going to hang that back up and use it on your dishes, are you?" (I 'm 45, remember? I do have some sense!!) I'll be able to grit my teeth a little less loudly. LOL. Ria Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 I just finally got behind the wheel of one of my parents' cars for the first time in my life in October. I was 50 at the time. Grrrrrrrr... And I think that the only reason they let me is that my brother was visiting from out of town, and they were afraid to look too ridiculous in front of him. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... Like being pecked to death by ducks--that's me and the rents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catherine Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 nt Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Staci in MO Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 Not only do my parents think I'm still 14, my older sisters do, too. :) Sorry you're going through a rough time. At least you can find some humor in it, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawn in OH Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 Wow. I was kind of hoping that when I turn 40 in a few years my parents would finally stop treating me like I'm 14. I guess I should give up that crazy idea! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.