Have you ever thought you miss out doing good things because of HS ?

[Ummto4]

Sometimes I feel this way.

 

I have a bunch of friends who are active in organizing religious study, teach weekend/Sunday school, and do fundraising.

 

Sometimes, I feel sort of useless because I'm NOT available at weekdays because of HS. Yes I know that I'm doing good things for my family. I do help occasionally, as long as it's on the weekend (still ... not to much though).

 

Plus, those friends become v. close together because they meet each other so frequently. And they know a lot of people. I have v. few good friends and quite a lot of not-so-good friends (the kind which you meet once in a while in a big setting and you say hi hi hi .....how are you ?)

 

 

I'm actually pretty content o where I'm at, but then a friend gently told me that I need to get involved more and know more people.

 

Have you ever felt this way ? You know ... feeling you're missing out doing the good things and socialization because you HS ?

[ereks mom]

I used to be afraid we'd "get behind" if we didn't stick with the books every day. And most of the time, I was content to just stay home, so we passed up (too many) opportunities to get together with other homeschoolers, sometimes for field trips and sometimes just to socialize. As a result, now that I have only one at home and therefore more time for extra stuff, I often feel isolated because I didn't cultivate those friendships back then. I am trying now to get more involved, but it's not easy. I think I developed a reputation as a loner.

[Annie Laurie]

Honestly, no. If a friend told me I needed to get out more, I'd just consider that her personal opinion. If you're content with where you're at, why worry? My family is my priority during this season in my life and I think I'm doing plenty of good things right here. We volunteer as a family. And I know this is just a season, before I know it all of my kids will be grown and gone and I have a lot of plans for helping out in the community more then and I'm sure I'll enjoy that season too, but for now I'm going to enjoy my kids and this season that I'm in.

[WTMindy]

Sure, but there are always more good things than there is time for. A person can't do ALL the good things in the world and anytime you make a choice to do one good thing (like homeschooling) you are making a choice against doing another good thing.

 

I do understand your feelings, but I wouldn't give a lot of heed to your friend's advice. You can only get as involved as your schedule allows at this point. :-)

[Rhonda in TX]

Once all their kids were school age, just about all of them have gone back to work, so I'm not missing any weekday interaction.

 

Some of them are more involved at church, but I do teach a children's class. I find, though, that cuts me off even more because I'm only interacting with the children. (I don't mind. That's why I'm there.)

 

The only way I could spend time with them helping at church is if I was involved in a committee and that is neither my gift nor my calling.

 

I am making more friends among the homeschool community, but it's taken several years. I am somebody that is content with just a few good friends, so that is helpful as well.

 

Wanted to add: I've been wanting to do more "good things", but I'm trying to concentrate on things the kids can help me with. There is a local food bank that also needs volunteers. My children are almost old enough to do that. Also, meals for the sick in our church would be something the kids could help with, too. They both play instruments, so I've thought of taking them to the nursing home to play for and interact with the residents there. There are a lot of "good things" we could be doing.

Edited January 9, 2009 by Rhonda in TX

[dhudson]

Absolutely. It's hard to home school, it requires self-sacrifice, sometimes I'd much rather be doing something else but I only have so much time with my kids and I figure all those things will still be there when my kids are grown.

 

I have had conversations with my friends who don't home school and just told them that I felt that God was calling me to this and that it has to be my priority at this time in life. They have been really great once I had that conversation and now help to protect me and my time. They don't call during school hours and plan on doing things when school is over.

 

This is a season in life and they'll be other seasons for those things.

[Jumping In Puddles]

You definitely miss out on some things, sure, but you can point out all the things she's missing out on by not homeschooling!

 

It works both ways. Since I am keeping my kids out of school, we are all missing out on certain things. I try not to dwell on it because I love homeschooling.

 

If I decide (or have to) send my kids to school, I'll be missing out on homeschool stuff.

[Laura K (NC)]

I'm a homeschooler who seems to be out of the house way too much. My friends gently try to tell me to stay home more, LOL. It's not that I have a million friends, because I don't. I think busy people don't have time for a lot of good friends!

 

I think the general tendency of society is to be too busy and to keep our schedules too packed. If you have managed to avoid this, my hat's off to you! And if you can even manage to be content at home with a schedule that doesn't overflow your daily planner, then :hurray: . Don't let anyone tell you different. Busy people have their own problems and issues. Having them, myself, I would never encourage anyone to get out more! Life is so short, and our kids are little for such a short time. If we don't savor it and do our best with the very important vocation we've chosen, we'll regret it. Sounds like you are already doing your best at what needs to be done in your life and for your kids. Don't second guess yourself!

[Tracey in TX]

Absolutely! My friends lunch and shop often while I'm cajoling my little cherubs to do their work, stop fighting, and get back to work again...

I sometimes feel left out, but realize the kids will be at home for such a short time before they're gone forever. They'll be an endless amount of time later for lunch, shopping, museums, travel, and idle reading. Until then I try to remember that my children are a blessing (it's been a tough week!) and we *want* to homeschool (again, really tough week here ;)).

 

When I begin to feel resentful I think of how I'll feel when they all leave for college. My house will be clean, quiet, and empty. So will my heart. That's enough to remind me to appreciate the freedom of homeschool. We're free to develop our children and love them while they're still here.

[Jean in Newcastle]

This past year I started to get involved in ministry activities again. How we did it:

 

1. We involve the kids. We have a Bible study at an Assisted Living ministry. My ds11 is old enough to run the sound system and loves doing so. My dd7 is old enough to help in small ways (changing batteries for me in the microphone, erasing the white/erase board, delivering an envelope to someone, and generally being cute). I notice though that my kids are older than yours are. You may have to wait a bit - depending on how your children can behave in certain environments.

 

2. I started small with activities that don't require a lot of study or planning. I started by singing a solo once every few months. It didn't require a lot from me - practice could be done sporadically and at various times of the day. Now I lead music and put songs on Powerpoint too but both of those don't require a lot of advance planning. The powerpoint only takes me about 15 min. max. Occasionally I have helped the seniors in practical ways but I take my kids and they help too. Again that requires no planning or preparation from me other than maybe a phone call to set up an appointment.

 

3. We are serious about school but we are also serious about living a life of service. So we have gone to schooling year around. Wednesdays (Assisted Living apartment day) are short school days and on occasion are "no school" days. I've grown more flexible in our schooling while not giving up my high content standards.

 

4. My outside activities are chosen by my value system. I don't chuck our school day or re-arrange it for something that isn't as high or higher than schoolwork in our value system. In other words, I will reserve shopping trips, and "frivolous" stuff for after hours. Occasionally the person involved (a particular friend who I can only get together with during the day) will be valued higher than school - so we work hard to get school done early so that we can go have lunch with them or something of that sort.

Edited January 9, 2009 by Jean in Newcastle

[Zelda]

My kids started out on the conventional education path so I know exactly what I'm missing. I'm good.

[mktyler]

There are lots of things I would like to do. I gave up a career to be a SAHM and I look longingly at women who have calm, ordered, wealthy lives. I sometimes feel angry that we have to make these choices among many good things. It saddens me that I am never the one called to help out, I am never the one spoken of in respectful tones for my service and work. I am afraid that I will always be an outcast in polite society, even at my church at times. I wish that I had better organizing skills to fit more in.

 

But, its unrealistic to expect one person to do everything. Its unrealistic to think that all people will agree with my priorities. So I just choose to focus on what I can do. My earthly stewardship is first to my children and my family. What time and energy I have left, I give to others as I can. There is a great feeling of loss as time passes and dreams I have had pass away as well. But the joy I feel in doing the right thing for my family gives me hope, harmony, and vitality.

 

That being said, we none of us want to be alone. I have tried to circumvent the loneliness of SAHMhood by homeschooling with other families. We get together a couple of days a week. We share some curriculums, we take turns with the little ones, we help each other with housework, and we make sure to have a nice cup of tea in the afternoon! Its hectic--probably not for everyone, but I don't feel lonely and my kids feel that school is a treat because they get to do it with their friends.

 

Until a larger portion of the community homeschools, we will seem like odd balls. People will treat every problem as though it will be solved by stopping homeschooling.

 

Can some of your occasional friends become more? Are there groups to meet with that will share your priorities. I have come to believe that there is always a solution! Sometimes it takes patience and thinking outside the box--something we homeschoolers tend to excel at!

 

Best wishes!

 

Melissa

Minnesota

Reading Program Junkie

dd(10) dd(6) ds(4) ds(1)

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

Sometimes I feel this way.

 

I have a bunch of friends who are active in organizing religious study, teach weekend/Sunday school, and do fundraising.

 

Sometimes, I feel sort of useless because I'm NOT available at weekdays because of HS. Yes I know that I'm doing good things for my family. I do help occasionally, as long as it's on the weekend (still ... not to much though).

 

Plus, those friends become v. close together because they meet each other so frequently. And they know a lot of people. I have v. few good friends and quite a lot of not-so-good friends (the kind which you meet once in a while in a big setting and you say hi hi hi .....how are you ?)

 

 

I'm actually pretty content o where I'm at, but then a friend gently told me that I need to get involved more and know more people.

 

Have you ever felt this way ? You know ... feeling you're missing out doing the good things and socialization because you HS ?

 

It's a season of life thing.

 

Believe me, you'll have plenty of time for those things. Meanwhile, these *are* the good things.

 

Don't neglect yourself, of course -- get out at night when you can, have people over when you can. But don't beat yourself up about doing what you do vs. not doing what they do.

[ma23peas]

No, do I wish I had more time to be organized and get things done? Yes! I have found with kids under 6, your life is your home and your family...after 6, the world starts to open up for you a bit more, I volunteer as a scout leader, I have a hobby farm now where I work with horses, I teach additional classes for families..I add stuff in when my life allows it..but each season has its special joys and challenges...but, I always try to encourage moms who still have kids under 6, that it does get sooo much better when they're old enough to help with chores, easier to pack up and go on a day trip...etc.

 

What I do think about is how much those who don't homeschool are missing...wow...I think I would have a different view of my children had I not had this time with them and marveled at their growth and progress...think about it..most parents (those working 2 jobs) will see their kids a total of 2 hours a day, and really probably less...b/c the kids run to their part of the house...their computer, their room, outside whatever...we only have them for 20% of their expected lifetime...why it's a huge blessing to be able to be a larger part of their learning and understanding...I'll have 30-40 years after they leave home to contribute in other ways...but whatever you do, homeschool or not, make sure the hours in the day you do have are embraced and responsibly used..it's when I have those down times where I know I'm just so tired and want to take a siesta from all my commitments thatI sit back and slap myself silly b/c I'm so blessed to have the ability to manage this schedule and help as often as I can.

[Lovedtodeath]

Sometimes I really think I miss a lot of socialk opportunities. But DD was in K for a while. It was awful having her gone for so long. Most of my time with her was struggling to get out the door and her watching TV while I made dinner.

 

We go to Disney World while everyone else is in school. No lines!! And we pay less than those poor PS suckers, because it isn't busy season. LOL It's a very nice perk!

 

We get tons more time with Grandparents too. I can pack everything and do school at their house.

Edited January 9, 2009 by Lovedtodeath

[Carol in Cal.]

What I miss is because of having to work fulltime at the same time as I homeschool.

 

I miss having time to homeschool as thoroughly and with as much grace and leeway as I would like. I miss doing spur of the moment field trips. I miss being able to sit and discuss literature, writing, history, science, and even math as it comes up, rather than on a schedule.

 

I miss exercising at all.

 

And I miss taking care of my home, although I have a great, well taken care of office when my DD and I both hang out a lot.

[orangearrow]

Honestly, no. If a friend told me I needed to get out more, I'd just consider that her personal opinion. If you're content with where you're at, why worry? My family is my priority during this season in my life and I think I'm doing plenty of good things right here. We volunteer as a family. And I know this is just a season, before I know it all of my kids will be grown and gone and I have a lot of plans for helping out in the community more then and I'm sure I'll enjoy that season too, but for now I'm going to enjoy my kids and this season that I'm in.

 

:iagree: Exactly how I feel. I sometimes feel a stab of "what if I sent the kids to school - the things I could do!!!", but then I remind myself that life isn't going to be OVER when my kids are out of school. I will still have plenty of years left (God willing) to do every single thing I don't have time to do right now. So, I am enjoying this chapter in my life with no worries whatsoever. I'm happy, I'm content, my family is also happy and content.

 

I can't/won't ask for more than that! :) I DO, however, make lists every now and then with things I want to work toward doing now, while my kids are young - and things I fully intend to do once they're grown! :)

[Guest]

I have struggled with this a lot this last year as I have taken a major step back from ministry to spend more time with my family and my kids. I finally felt peace that God was telling ME that I had the rest of my life to be in ministry at church, but I was only going to have this opportunity to focus on my kids for a short time. This doesn't mean I can't be involved, but I just have chosen to make my kids more important than church activities right now. Also, remember what a ministry you are to your family!

[Desert Rat]

I do get a bit jealous sometimes with the other SAHM's who drop their kids off at school and get together to work out or go to lunch, etc. But then I think that if my kids were in full day school I couldn't stand to be home all day! I'd get a part-time job or something.

I am usually a solitary person and am very happy with just my family and a few very close friends. I don't feel like I'm missing out on socialization. Besides, most of the time I find with social time comes drama and I hate drama!

I too agree with Nicole (attachedto4) that this is my season in life. I like my boys being home. I like them being around. They won't always be. I cherish it while it's here.

[JenniferB]

I experience the same thing with homeschooling and nonhomeschooling people. About once a week I have someone telling me I should get out more, and do things for "myself". Noone has yet told me I need to serve more, though I do have thoughts that I should be serving more. I also feel out of the loop with my friends at church because I'm not involved with co-ops or Bible studies or the various get togethers that happen at church for special occasions. I do find comfort in that this is only a season in life for me, and before I know it the children will be grown and out of the house, and God willing I'll have plenty of time to serve and get together with friends outside of my home.

[G5052]

I'm very careful to put my husband and family first, and if anything needs to be sacrificed in order to meet their needs, it's the outside activities. Of course it's great to do volunteer work like you say, but at this point I can't do a lot and still provide what we need at home. I've been homeschooling long enough to see families where the mother is always running around to the neglect of the childrens' academic progress and probably her husband as well.

 

Also as my FIL used to say -- "A need is not a call." There is always a need for more volunteers in churches and local organizations. The question is whether YOU are the one to meet the need.

[ereks mom]

...Be sure that you develop a life of your own and not just a life centered on your children. I think that is part of the reason that I've had such a hard time since my son went to college this past August. My life was centered on my dc to the exclusion of developing interests of my own, separate from my children. Homeschooling was both my job AND my hobby, and I worked at it pretty much 24/7, but didn't take time for ME.

[Chris in VA]

I think we miss out on some things, but they feel frivolous to me. I do take time to meet with my friends, do a nighttime bible study (well, not so far this year, but I am working this year--I mean when I homeschool), and take care of myself (could exercise more, tho...).

 

I love this little poem by Anne Campbell. It sums up how I feel about raising my kids--and I do think it's a season. I'll have more time for me later--lots and lots of time...

 

"To My Child"

 

You are the trip I did not take;

You are the pearls I cannot buy;

You are my blue Italian lake;

You are my piece of foreign sky.

[ereks mom]

...so that I could stay home with my children. The misgivings I've had are the things I could've given THEM if I had worked and our financial situation had not been VERY tight. But I'm coming to realize that giving them my TIME -- being available to them every day -- was so much more important than being able to give them THINGS.

[Nestof3]

Sure, I know I miss out on free time. My husband works for very wealthy people, women rarely work outside of the home and spend their days having pool parties, shopping, etc. Many of them have maids as well.

 

So, yeah -- I'm missing out, but it's my choice. :)