S/O On Thank You Cards -- Kids

[Nestof3]

I was pretty surprised by the number of "that's tacky" responses in the thank you note thread.

 

So, that got me wondering about thank you notes from children and their parents.

 

I am assuming the thank you notes in the OP's post were Christmas present thank you's.

 

Do your children write thank you notes for Christmas and birthday presents (from friends, family, everyone)? For example, if grandma gave them a present, would they write a thank you note?

 

Do you write thank you notes for the gifts you receive on Christmas and birthdays? In the same example, if your mom gave you a Christmas present, would you write a thank you note?

 

Are the expectations you have for your children and their thank you notes the same as the expectations you have for yourself -- that's what I'm wondering?

[kewb]

If my child opens a present in the presence of the giver and thanks them at that time then no written thank you is required. Any gift received and opened without the giver in attendance gets a written thank you.

[Emmy]

If my child opens a present in the presence of the giver and thanks them at that time then no written thank you is required. Any gift received and opened without the giver in attendance gets a written thank you.

 

:iagree: Same here.

[ThelmaLou]

I didn't read the other thread, but my kids and I all write thank-you notes for gifts given at birthdays and Christmas, as well as any other gifts given throughout the year. I typically write thank-yous to families who invite us over for dinner and fellowship, too. It's no small task to feed our crew, and as a hostess myself, I know the lengths most people go to when it comes to cleaning the house, setting a nice table, and providing a meal. I can't say I write notes without fail, but it's my goal.

[always cookin']

We write thank-you notes for all gifts received. Even if we thanked the giver in person, we still send hand-written (and illustrated) thank-you notes. We also send notes if we went to someone's house for dinner (usually) or to someone who took a child somewhere (golfing, to the movies, to a sporting event). I am sure we forget on occasion, but my kids know they have to do it and usually do it on their own (the older ones). I still help the younger ones.

[Plucky]

If my child opens a present in the presence of the giver and thanks them at that time then no written thank you is required. Any gift received and opened without the giver in attendance gets a written thank you.

 

Same here, except that sometimes we do it by phone instead.

[Zelda]

My children and I write thank-you notes for most gifts even if we received them in person. Some of our notes are tackier than others. :001_smile:

[Tree House Academy]

I actually was totally shocked too at the number of people that said it was tacky. I thought they were cute and a good idea to encourage younger kids to send Thank You cards before they could even write all that well.

 

My kids will send a thank you ONLY if we can not say thank you in person or over the phone. For instance, if some relative of my son's dad's sends something to my youngest son, I have him send a thank you card.

 

I mostly see a lack of respect when it comes to older kids (highschoolers) - especially graduation gifts and such. They almost never send out Thank you cards and most of the time you are sending them to kids you are NOT all that close to. It seems everyone and their brother gets an invite to graduation in order to ask for money. :( The least they could do is send a note thanking those people. I know I did when I was in highschool!

[Danestress]

We all write notes to friends and to family members who live in different households. So I write a thank you note to my sisters and mother, but not to DH or to my own children.

 

My mother has a difficult time writing because of arthritis, so we agreed a while back that we woudn't write notes for every little thing. She lives a mile from me. But she tends to give largish gifts of cash for birthdays and Christmas, and yes, I think a written note is in order.

Edited January 6, 2009 by Danestress

[Danestress]

I really don't mind receive notes of whatever sort. Fill in the blacks thanks are still offering thanks, and it doesn't bother me at all. But I wouldn't personally use them as I do think they are tacky. I guess it's sort of like wearing red pants. I woudn't be caught dead in them and think they are terribly tacky, but if you wore them, I might think, 'oh how cute on her.' I am not thinking negative thoughts *at all* about people who send fill in the blank thanks, but I just would never send them myself.

[Mari]

Hi. We write thank you notes for all gifts received because my husband insists on it. He says it's the right thing to do and by golly, his kids have to learn manners! :)

 

Personally, I think as long as you say "thank you" somehow the manners thing is covered. It seems that letters were the norm before the widespread use of phones and the computer. Sending a letter via snail mail is a nice touch, but I would rather receive a phone call and hear the joy in the recipient's voice. I far more appreciate the time taken to call me personally and chit-chat for a while.

 

--Mari

[Garga]

I agree with Mari. I would much rather receive a phone call about a gift than a card or letter (which I immediately throw away.)

 

Phones and computers are better than letters in my mind. I get to hear the person on the phone, and usually the computer is much faster than a letter in connecting with someone. It brings me closer to my family/friends than a letter.

 

But we're all different. Some people treasure cards and letters.

[Liz CA]

If my child opens a present in the presence of the giver and thanks them at that time then no written thank you is required. Any gift received and opened without the giver in attendance gets a written thank you.

 

Yes, exactly. And I really feel that a child that writes half-decently can expend more effort on a thank-you note than just fill in the blanks. Even if writing or spelling is still a little "bumpy", ds has written notes since he could hold a pen. They were very short in the beginning and then got a little more detailed. Aunts and Grandmas have been delighted to get notes and letters in any kind of penmanship.

[battlemaiden]

We send thank you notes for nearly all gifts. My older three children write their own and I send a note thanking them for all gifts recieved personally or for my younger children- especially the younger crowd.

 

I admit I called my mother-in-law one time and said, "Nanny, would you be terribly offended if I just tell you a great big 'thank you' here on the phone? I'm so busy right now and I'm taking advantage of your understanding." She laughed and said ofcourse she understood. But that was an exceptional time for me.

 

My kids don't always love starting the process, but they are usually proud of their work and happy to get it in the mail. My parents always make a big stink about calling them and telling them how *wonderful* their note of thanks was- like I said in a previous post, I come from a strong thank you note tradition. :D

 

I think thank you notes display gratitude. They aren't just a mechanical, meaningless process. The effort it takes to express my appreciation creates in me a deeper sense understanding towards the person who begifted me or my children in the first place.

[Jackie in NE]

I love receiving hand-written notes, so I try to do the same for others. My oldest dd illustrates her notes beautifully, which adds to the sentiment. I think it is so valuable for my dc to think about the gift (or action), the giver, and the verbalization of their gratitude.

 

Even if we open a gift in the presence of the giver, we still send a note afterwards.

 

When my dc were too young to write their own notes, they would dictate their "thanks" to me, and I would write the note with a little (as dictated by _(name)_). My mil kept those notes because she thought they were so sweet.

 

Another benefit of hand-written notes...... they qualify as a writing, spelling, and grammar assignment. :001_smile:

[Ferdie]

When my children were younger, they didn't write thank yous for gifts that were opened in front of relatives. We just thanked the relative at the event.

They did write thank you notes to friends for birthday gifts.

 

Once my kids were elementary school age, they started writing thank you notes for all gifts - Christmas and birthday. I make a little checklist and they write two notes per day until they are all done.

 

I never write thank you notes to my immediate family for the gifts they give me. I just call my mom or sisters to thank them by phone. I still write thank yous to my extended relatives such as my mil, grandmother and aunt.

 

Interesting.

[lovemyboys]

I didn't read the other thread, but my kids and I all write thank-you notes for gifts given at birthdays and Christmas, as well as any other gifts given throughout the year. I typically write thank-yous to families who invite us over for dinner and fellowship, too. It's no small task to feed our crew, and as a hostess myself, I know the lengths most people go to when it comes to cleaning the house, setting a nice table, and providing a meal. I can't say I write notes without fail, but it's my goal.

 

I'm with you on this, it's my goal, though I don't always achieve it.

 

We write thank-you notes for all gifts received. Even if we thanked the giver in person' date=' we still send hand-written (and illustrated) thank-you notes. We also send notes if we went to someone's house for dinner (usually) or to someone who took a child somewhere (golfing, to the movies, to a sporting event). I am sure we forget on occasion, but my kids know they have to do it and usually do it on their own (the older ones). I still help the younger ones.[/quote']

 

Same here. I used to have dc tell me what they wanted to say so I would write it out for them to follow (mostly for my perfectionist ds who could take an hour with one note to get the spelling corrected).

 

Most of the notes over the years have been all their writing. They know we write notes and we do a couple a day until they're done for birthday or Christmas. Especially for those of us who live far from family, we appreciate the time and trouble to select, wrap and mail gifts. But dc here write notes for the birthday party gifts from friends too.

 

Imnsho, I really feel that it's preparing them for behavior and habits it will be good for them to have as adults. Aren't we all pleasantly surprised (or satisfied) with a note after a gift sent or favor done? And the converse is true too. It's a little frustrating to send something special to a dear (adult) nephew never to hear a word back, then an off-handed comment from his mother months later. It doesn't inspire me to spend time on the next occasion, kwim?

[Tammyla]

We write thank you notes for gifts we receive pretty much across the line. (We do not live close to family btw if that makes a difference.) I don't expect a written thank you note, but some acknowledgement by way of an e-mail, phone call or snail mail is appreciated kwim?

[GailV]

 

Do your children write thank you notes for Christmas and birthday presents (from friends, family, everyone)? For example, if grandma gave them a present, would they write a thank you note?

Yes.

 

And if it's Grandma, she will send an email about how much she enjoyed getting the note. She'll comment on the nice handwriting, or the pretty picture they drew, or somesuch. She'll display it in her home so others can see it. We're talking BRAGGING RIGHTS ABOUT GRANDCHILDREN HERE, PEOPLE!! As in, "oh, my grandchildren are so well-mannered and bright, and I can prove it right here with hard evidence". You can't do that with a phone call. A thank you note in hand is worth 2 casual verbal mentions of when your grandchild called you last week.

 

(My parents live in a retirement community. Can you tell?)

 

Do you write thank you notes for the gifts you receive on Christmas and birthdays? In the same example, if your mom gave you a Christmas present, would you write a thank you note?

 

Yes.

 

Are the expectations you have for your children and their thank you notes the same as the expectations you have for yourself -- that's what I'm wondering?

 

Yes.

[H.S. Burrow]

If my child opens a present in the presence of the giver and thanks them at that time then no written thank you is required. Any gift received and opened without the giver in attendance gets a written thank you.

 

 

:iagree:This is what I was taught growing up and this is how we do things in our home. We do make phone calls to those relatives that send a gift by way of grandparents.

 

I personally would prefer to hear the excitement in my niece & nephews' voices over the phone than to receive a note in the mail. A phone call is immediate and the postal service DOES lose mail every now and then.

 

I once received a rather mangled invitation to a bridal shower - in a baggie with note of apology from the post office - 3 months after the wedding. :glare: Every time I ran into the bride around town, she always gave me strange looks...like I had committed some faux pas. :001_huh:

[Lizzie in Ma]

Gifts, bags of hand me downs, lovely times of fellowship at someones house, when someone has us for dinner, lots to my Mom.

I just want the folks who extend kindness in whatever way, to know that it matters.

[bettyandbob]

We write Thank you notes, whether or not we open the present in the presence of the giver.

 

Oldest ds types his. He started doing this many years ago. He has major fine motor problems. I know some people think typing is tacky. I think not thanking is tacky. Most people close to us know ds can't handwrite. My ds won't show me his Thank yous, but my MIL called after his last bd to read me his Thank you and said it was the best she'd ever gotten.

 

Youngest ds cannot write. He traces "Dear----" and "Love, his name" in his notes. I fill in the body.

 

My thank you notes for wedding presents were all done within the first month after my wedding. I think maybe even the first 2 weeks. I was motivated to do this, because over the years I remember my Grandma harping all the time about wedding presents not acknowledged.

[Colleen]

I really feel that a child that writes half-decently can expend more effort on a thank-you note than just fill in the blanks. Even if writing or spelling is still a little "bumpy", ds has written notes since he could hold a pen. They were very short in the beginning and then got a little more detailed. Aunts and Grandmas have been delighted to get notes and letters in any kind of penmanship.

 

Agreed. When mine are very small, I make dotted lines for the letters and they just trace over those. Sometimes ~ like now, with Kai ~ the words are very minimal, but that's okay.:)

[Desert Rat]

Usually we send thank you notes for gifts not received in person. On the occasion we have a larger birthday party, my ds will give thank you cards to all who attended. He's in 3rd grade and a reluctant writer at the best of times so I do use those thank you cards for kids with some of the body already written out.

It is good manners. I wouldn't mind a phone call but it does bother me to no end that my neice and nephew do not acknowledge the gift we sent at all. Makes me wonder if they get them, KWIM?

[rafiki]

.

[Nestof3]

Thanks for everyone who responded. I really also appreciated those who also answered the part about "Do you write thank you notes for the gifts you receive on Christmas and birthdays? In the same example, if your mom gave you a Christmas present, would you write a thank you note?"

 

Now a little info about me (us):

 

I was brought up in a family that never wrote letters or thank you cards -- with parents who never told me to write a thank you card.

 

My husband does not write thank you cards (I have never met a man who has ever written a thank you card with the exception of our eldest whom I would consider a man).

 

No one in our immediate family ever writes thank you cards within the family except my children. I do at times write thank you notes to parents, in-laws, sister-in-law, etc for Christmas gifts, but not always.

 

I have never received a thank you card from my nephews -- not for Christmas, wedding or baby presents. I never even know if they get the gifts.

 

I am a big thank you card person, but I'm a big card person anyway. I love making cards and stamping, and most often when a card is sent by me, it is handmade. Ben (my youngest) and Nathan will often make their own cards too.

 

I sent my denist a thank you card for working with me over and over again to get the right night guard for my grinding. :) I sent a thank you card to a friend who delivered butter to me.

 

I have my boys write thank you cards for b-days and Christmas, but most of it is just to get them in the habit since they only get a couple of gifts from out-of-town people. I have slipped at times, though. But, no one in my family really gets miffed about that sort of thing -- as I said, no one else ever sends thank you cards.

 

When my boys were really young, I did do the fill in the blank cards, and I'd do it again. They're all writing their own now, in fact I received a couple of comments from people after they received Aaron's graduation thank you cards. Grandma and aunt were particularly complimentary. He even told me that he tried to go beyond just thanking them for the gift by name. So, I guess those fill-in-the-blank cards didn't ruin them. :)

 

Thanks for your answers.

[jamnkats]

I was pretty surprised by the number of "that's tacky" responses in the thank you note thread.

 

So, that got me wondering about thank you notes from children and their parents.

 

I am assuming the thank you notes in the OP's post were Christmas present thank you's.

 

Do your children write thank you notes for Christmas and birthday presents (from friends, family, everyone)? For example, if grandma gave them a present, would they write a thank you note?

 

Do you write thank you notes for the gifts you receive on Christmas and birthdays? In the same example, if your mom gave you a Christmas present, would you write a thank you note?

 

Are the expectations you have for your children and their thank you notes the same as the expectations you have for yourself -- that's what I'm wondering?

 

My kids are all writing Xmas cards of thanks but we usually do email thank yous because the mail is not reliable. People have been reporting success so we're going to try the mail this time. I think that if the kids had opened the presents in the presence of the gifter a thank you would not be suggested. And if my kids don't want to write I do it for them. So far they've all wanted to do their own TYs.

[Hoggirl]

We write thank-you notes for all gifts received. Even if we thanked the giver in person' date=' we still send hand-written (and illustrated) thank-you notes. We also send notes if we went to someone's house for dinner (usually) or to someone who took a child somewhere (golfing, to the movies, to a sporting event). I am sure we forget on occasion, but my kids know they have to do it and usually do it on their own (the older ones). I still help the younger ones.[/quote']

 

AND, it has to be hand-written in cursive! No e-mailing, no typing!!!

 

I am a stickler about this.

 

I would say it is b/c I am Southern, but I am afraid that might cause a civil war! :D:D:D