I think I have a work enemy :-)

[KungFuPanda]

I work at a community college.  My office is directly across from another office and the students are sent back and forth all day because sometimes they don't know which office performs which function, or they don't know in what order they need to see the different offices.  It's a few steps, so it's fine.  The other day the head of the office across the hall personally marches a student and her significant other across the hall because they need to fill out The Form.  Other people in her office will perform this function without The Form, but SHE will NOT because she's worked at X other schools and that is their policy.  Okaaaaay.  She's saying this to me as though I have performed said function without The Form, and I'm not even IN the office that does that.  MY department hands the student the form, then puts it into the system.  This form is absolutely optional and the student chooses whether or not they want it.

I listen to her rant then ask the student directly if she would LIKE to fill out The Form.  All I need is the filled out form and ID to do my part.  Student's ID is in her car.  She makes no move to get it.  Her spouse makes no move to get it.  Campus is not so big that the car can possibly be that far away.  Everyone is just standing there staring at each other.  Work Enemy is now completely exasperated with ME and making no attempt to hide it.  Apparently they don't bother with ID in her department.  I tell the student that if she decides she wants The Form to bring in an ID . . .ANY ID . . . even your Costco card,  and fill out The Form and I'd be happy to process that for her and it will only take about 4 minutes.  After more unnecessary standing around my desk, they finally all leave together.  It was like She wanted me to give up on ID and They wanted her to give up on The Form and I was just content to see how they played it all out.  I had no line and was now curious about how Work Enemy could be so visibly upset while the actual student was completely calm.

That was a few days ago. TODAY when I arrived one of the campus mail guys was chillin at a table outside my office.  I greeted him, but he either didn't hear me or just didn't respond because he was mid-text.  I buzzed myself in and got ready for the day.  He never waved to be let in and we didn't open our doors for another 15 minutes.  I assumed he was waiting for the office across the hall.  Work Enemy comes in to open the office.  I hear her through the closed door tell him "She could have let you in and you could have gone around." (our offices connect through a back hallway) He tells her he's not there for her office but for mine.  Now she's glaring like I'd purposefully locked the guy out and made him wait 15 extra minutes.  

She huffs off.  I go let the guy in and apologize for making him wait.  He tells me that I didn't make him wait, that he intentionally sat down until our office opened because he got there early,  was not in a hurry, and didn't mind getting paid to take a break.  He's super sweet and has a great relationship with our office and my boss specifically.  He was dragging his feet in hopes of seeing her hand wishing her happy holidays before we all go on break.  I definitely filled  my boss in just in case Work Enemy spoke to her about my negligence.  Now I have two strikes against me and I don't even work in her department!

I am both baffled and amused.  I have never once seen this woman smile.  I don't know what she does or why she's perpetually stressed.  I'm not certain she has any idea what I do.  I have decided to charm her.  It'll either work or annoy the hell out of her.  I'll let you know.  I'm trying to imagine what she's telling her husband over dinner about that unhelpful idiot across the hall. 😂

[Tiberia]

I think your plan to charm her is a good one. I have won over a few grouches using this method. Think of her as a future friend who is having a rough day😁

[KungFuPanda]

6 minutes ago, Tiberia said:

I think your plan to charm her is a good one. I have won over a few grouches using this method. Think of her as a future friend who is having a rough day😁

I'm actually hoping to one day be allies who can laugh about the rough start and maybe hear what's really going down across the hall that has everyone so stressed.  I'm trying to cultivate a collection of competent contacts from various offices so I can be super effective at work and have students leave all happy and secure after meeting with us.

[footballmom]

Could you bring her a coffee or pastry and tell her, “I may be mistaken, but I feel like we maybe got off on the wrong foot. I’m (insert name), smile handshake? and say you admire her commitment to her work / efficiency / something and you’d love to learn more about what her office does?

[KungFuPanda]

19 minutes ago, footballmom said:

Could you bring her a coffee or pastry and tell her, “I may be mistaken, but I feel like we maybe got off on the wrong foot. I’m (insert name), smile handshake? and say you admire her commitment to her work / efficiency / something and you’d love to learn more about what her office does?

Oh no. Definitely not. That’s a minefield. You can’t just feed people anymore. You can’t know how or if they like coffee or if they have allergies. In this day and age you need to really know who you’re feeding. 
 

I’m gonna be way more subtle and gather more info. What if she doesn’t think she’s acting annoyed and that’s her default? I can’t risk offending her. Also, I’ve sent zero negativity her way and don’t want to start with an awkward conversation. I plan to learn her name before she strolls over next and I’ll introduce myself. 
 

I know in general what her office does, but not the procedural ins and outs of how that gets accomplished. I’ve never seen her in action, so she’d know if I tried to blow smoke about her work performance. I can’t be that forward with someone who is a few echelons above me. That’s part of what made our initial interaction so bizarre. My exact role in the exchange was so simple and so legally well-defined that it made no sense for a department head to be annoyed about it. 
 

She may be a whole new person after the holidays. We’ll see. We don’t go back to the office for a few weeks. 

[gardenmom5]

She sounds very unhappy.

[Hannah]

34 minutes ago, gardenmom5 said:

She sounds very unhappy.

She does.  It may be that she has the need to control one aspect of her life and make everyone 'stick to the rules' - even though she may be the one making them - because other areas of her life are falling apart.

Edited December 22, 2023 by Hannah

[wintermom]

This woman reminds me of Angela in The Office. There is no telling how long her 'self-righteous annoyance of others' will last. It sounds like it's her motivation for working there. Does she like cats? 😉 

[Lady Florida.]

9 hours ago, gardenmom5 said:

She sounds very unhappy.

This.

[KungFuPanda]

She IS newish. I know some people are VERY uncomfortable with the learning curve stage of a new job. She filled this position in several other schools, but the SOP differences at this college don’t seem to be sitting well with her. It’s possible her department isn’t shaping up as quickly as she hoped. I’m absolutely guessing. 
 

My office is at the end of the line workflow-wise. If everything goes as it should in her office, students finish the process with us. There are a few things that are forgotten often enough that we made stickers to put on the paperwork when we send folks back across the hall to her. Maybe she’s sick and tired of our stupid stickers and wanted to return a student to us 😁

I really do not wish her ill and hope she starts enjoying herself. It’s just that her whole demeanor was over the top and seemed sitcom-ish.  She’s my monolith. I have questions.  (I promise not to intrude on her actual life with these questions.)

[wintermom]

As an aside: I'm kind of gobsmacked that each and every student seems to need to go through a tedious multi-step, multi-location process. Is this possibly part of the issue? It sounds really painful, and I can completely understand students not wanting to comply. Can't someone come up with a more efficient process for the benefit of students and staff?

[KungFuPanda]

43 minutes ago, wintermom said:

As an aside: I'm kind of gobsmacked that each and every student seems to need to go through a tedious multi-step, multi-location process. Is this possibly part of the issue? It sounds really painful, and I can completely understand students not wanting to comply. Can't someone come up with a more efficient process for the benefit of students and staff?

There is a very streamlined process that most students can access. However some courses of study have more complicated paths. They can’t apply their own waivers for testing or pre-reqs. They can’t remove their own academic or financial holds. Sometimes a student just didn’t supply the necessary evidence, but sometimes they did and an office didn’t remove a block from the system.  Some sensitive documents need to be seen in person. Paperwork for veterans is more complex and involves more agencies. 

I think these students are very lucky. Gone are the days of sitting outside the Bursar’s or Registrar’s office for hours. They can do everything from home and the self-serve planning and registration system is a marvel. It’s when the case, or the student, is more complicated that they come in to the office, and half the people who come in could have solved their problem via email communications. We’re VERY responsive to emails and phone messages, but I do understand the sense of security and instant gratification that handling things in person can bring. They like to leave the building with their mischief managed. 

When they DO come in, most of the offices they need to visit are in the same building and the more common ones are on the same floor. So while it sounds chaotic or disorganized, we’re mainly dealing with the outliers and they all present a different puzzle to be solved. So while these special cases comprise 2/3 of my work day, they represent a small fraction of the student body. 

[Kanin]

7 hours ago, KungFuPanda said:

I really do not wish her ill and hope she starts enjoying herself. It’s just that her whole demeanor was over the top and seemed sitcom-ish.  She’s my monolith. I have questions.  (I promise not to intrude on her actual life with these questions.)

I work with someone who can be over the top with grouchiness. It really bothered me for two years and then I decided to befriend this person. I worked my tail off to always say hi, purposefully engage in conversations EVERY time I saw them, etc. and I think it's working, because the person at least seems used to my presence now 🙂 And... surprise surprise, I like them now! (When they're not being outrageously grumpy.)

Remember George's plan on Seinfeld?

[KungFuPanda]

1 hour ago, Kanin said:

I work with someone who can be over the top with grouchiness. It really bothered me for two years and then I decided to befriend this person. I worked my tail off to always say hi, purposefully engage in conversations EVERY time I saw them, etc. and I think it's working, because the person at least seems used to my presence now 🙂 And... surprise surprise, I like them now! (When they're not being outrageously grumpy.)

Remember George's plan on Seinfeld?

I don't even have to click that link to know what you are talking about.  WHY is that show so endlessly quotable?!?!

[MercyA]

Speaking of charming grumpy people (turn on sound):

 

[Ellie]

On 12/21/2023 at 4:21 PM, KungFuPanda said:

I am both baffled and amused.  I have never once seen this woman smile.  I don't know what she does or why she's perpetually stressed.  I'm not certain she has any idea what I do.  I have decided to charm her.  It'll either work or annoy the hell out of her.  I'll let you know.  I'm trying to imagine what she's telling her husband over dinner about that unhelpful idiot across the hall. 😂

See, this is what MIss Manners says: that etiquette has nothing to do with making other people feel comfortable, because you can behave in an excruciatingly correct way and still annoy people, and which one is more satisfying in some circumstances? ::cheeky grin::

[Kanin]

20 hours ago, KungFuPanda said:

I don't even have to click that link to know what you are talking about.  WHY is that show so endlessly quotable?!?!

It just IS! 🙂 

[KungFuPanda]

I saw my work buddy again today.  Remember, I have decided to charm her.  She had this whole folding table situation set up outside our offices in the atrium.  I hadn't been there long enough to know this was unusual.  She got tired of kids crowding her waiting room when they should be in other offices and set up a triage table to redirect them complete with laminated cards that the other offices are supposed to collect and return to her.  (She's kept two people manning that table for the last two days.) After about twenty minutes of a small crowd the students had dispersed.  She was alone at the table and only about 20 feet from my desk. 

Seeing my chance, I smiled, waved and said something along the line of "you finally have some peace out there."  She snapped at me . . . told me "this was very necessary" and that "we could really use some help out here."  😐 A student walked in at that moment so I was spared from responding.  I'm losing my touch.  She was not charmed. 

I later learned that the triage table is her new thing.  When kids come to our office and should be somewhere else, we just tell them where to go.  We point if it's close and hand them a map if they need to leave the building.  My boss certainly isn't going to take people from their computers and sit them at a folding table in the lobby.  That'll kill our workflow and cause our lobby to fill with people.  It would also pull us from our phones and we wee helping the bursars office make some calls today.  We have a skeleton crew, but my boss has super streamlined processes and has been there for twenty years.  She does a lot and is super efficient.  I'm learning tons from her every day.  She's also kind and treats people really well while remaining mission focused.  I have no idea how this table situation is going to play out but I'm super curious.  

[KungFuPanda]

PROGRESS!! After weeks of never seeing the woman smile she was in a good mood today. I’ve slowly worn her down with waves and ‘good mornings’ and ‘this rain is no joke.’ She was relaxed and smiling and seemed like a whole different person. I took another pass at small talk and we ended up joking about setting up a taco cart between the offices on Tuesdays for tacos and margaritas. We felt we deserved it since both offices were hilariously busy the last two days. 
 

 

[alisoncooks]

I love this update. I’ve been following to see if you finally wear her down! 😂

[MerryAtHope]

Did she abandon her folding table?

[fraidycat]

12 hours ago, MerryAtHope said:

Did she abandon her folding table?

Yes @KungFuPanda, we need an update on the folding table and laminated cards. 

[KungFuPanda]

2 hours ago, fraidycat said:

Yes @KungFuPanda, we need an update on the folding table and laminated cards. 

 

14 hours ago, MerryAtHope said:

Did she abandon her folding table?

The folding table is still out there and fully manned. They’re treating it as an office lobby. I’m trying not to be offended but their noise Carrie’s and I can hear conversations I’ve got no business hearing.  I’ve still ne Dr received a single card but they seem to be handing them out to people. Sometimes people headed for our office get confused and stand in their lines unnecessarily. 
 

We had a collaborative and pleasant work conversation today so that was nice.  I think she’s feeling secure that my office WANTS to help and nobody is difficult for no reason. 

[KungFuPanda]

Guys, we had a good run.  There were smiles and banter and it felt like occasional small talk was the next possible step.  We've had a setback and she's MAD.  Now, it's the beginning of the term so people are swamped with work and stressed, so this could blow over.  She came to my desk to ask about how a Thing was done.  She did not appreciate how the Thing affected some students and thought it was unfair.  I knew nothing about the Thing because those actions were way over my head.  She left and I asked my boss's boss about the policy.  It turns out that the lady's whole department, including her, was sent an email giving them a heads up that the Thing would happen on x date unless they took measures to stop it.  

The next time she breezed in I shared this info with her because this procedure is news to both of us (but it's not really a function of my particular job)  We're both new and didn't know this was a thing.  (I'm not on that email distro because it's none of my business.) You could see her short circuit when she realized that she missed the email and nobody in her department mentioned it to her or acted on it.  She went with a very defensive rant about how every other place she worked it was the job of our office to circumvent the Thing and not hers.  She was so mad.  A student came in at that point and she stomped out.  Now I gotta start all over and see if I can get her to smile again.  

[Bambam]

I'm sorry. Hopefully she will calm down tonight and realize that this isn't your fault and come back and apologize.