Settling in

[Scarlett]

9 hours ago, BusyMom5 said:

Hugs- it's hard when kids get older and have their own agenda.  Getting a job can be a great way for him to gain maturity and independence- get that bank account, save for a car.  Speaking as someone with kids both younger and older than your two kids, it's not going to get better.  Once they are 16 something changes, and your roll changes.  They crave more independence and I feel that should be encouraged.  This is the beginning on the new chapter- 16-18!  Then there is the Beyond High School phase.  Hugs- this phase can be hard.  

I agree and it totally is terrible for divorced parents.  
 

By the time my son was 14 1/2 he no longer went to his dads EOW but I did insist he have dinner with him twice a month.  And we were long distance too.  It was hard and I put the majority of the travel on my xh which I know you can’t do.  There is not any one size fits all solution….I did tell xh he needed to preserve the relationship over asserting his legal rights.  

[katilac]

14 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

I asked what day orientation is and he said he doesn’t know and it doesn’t matter because they already declined him. 

This is the job by dad's house?

[heartlikealion]

13 hours ago, katilac said:

This is the job by dad's house?

Yes. Apparently the morning after I heard about this mandatory orientation, they decided not to move forward with him because he’d already said he couldn’t make it that week. He never learned the exact day/time. 

Personally I think just get ONE job. And focus on adjusting to the learning curve for that one place. I told him I think it’s best to just focus on one. We’ll work on the job permit application when he comes next week. He doesn’t need that permit in MS IIRC. We only needed it under 16 I believe. 

[heartlikealion]

I actually try to make him exert independence. I told him do not let them dismiss you and send to the online application. Tell them you have a unique circumstance and need to know if they’d work with your schedule first. He asked me to come inside with him at the fast food place and we approached the manager together. 

His stepmom encouraged to apply to the fast food places in walking distance (though his father had previously said he’d have ds wait til fall to apply). He landed that interview but the orientation messed it up. 

It’s ok. He’s getting out there and trying things. Something will stick. 

I’m way more feisty and assertive and act as an advocate but try to make him do some things on his own. I showed him how to work the washers and dryers at the laundromat last time he was in town. I don’t want him to be helpless or clueless. I’ve had to fumble through a lot on my own and that’s not always bad but it’s nice when someone guides you. 

[heartlikealion]

Kids are here. Ds didn’t bring his student ID and isn’t 100% sure where exactly it is. Then said stepmom said it’s not legal for me to do the job thing with him as I’m not the guardian. We googled it and supposedly I need his written consent. Ds said xh is ok with it but now he thinks he’ll just focus on the YouTube channel and pass on the job stuff. 

I was prepared to ask for written consent (just so it was documented… I don’t think anyone here would have requested it). But now seems pointless. 

Ds said the scholarship he won last year at a summer camp probably would have cost too much to redeem on dad’s taxes according to dad so ds never accepted it (it was a few hundred dollars). What the heck, let the boy accept his well-earned scholarship.

I asked if the school ever got him the documents for his driving permit. He said dad keeps saying they’ll go get the driving permit “tomorrow” but tomorrow turns into days then weeks then months then years with Dad (or maybe he said turns into never). I nodded and said I know. 

It upsets me how xh strings people along but I am so relieved I’m not dealing with it in my daily life. I will keep my word with my kids. I will follow through with things. They deserve at least one reliable parent. 

[Heartstrings]

Over time the kids will see who their dad really is, he can’t hide that from them and they’ll only buy his BS for so long.  

[heartlikealion]

34 minutes ago, Heartstrings said:

Over time the kids will see who their dad really is, he can’t hide that from them and they’ll only buy his BS for so long.  

Yup. And I wouldn’t be surprised if his dad and stepmom are trying to rub it in my face that I am not the guardian (bringing that up to ds about the work permit) but I don’t react outwardly. I accepted that a while back.

——

dd got her bloodwork results and they see no signs of allergies so feel confident removing the tonsils and adenoids will address her issues. Her surgery is scheduled in July. Last visit I was instructed to give her vitamin D drops (we got the D3 + K2 combo). I accidentally left them at my home and xh said he’d need to order more so I told him I’d send him money (I’m waiting on pay day). I pulled over at GNC to see if they sold them but they didn’t have what I needed. Dd said she hasn’t even been taking the vitamin anymore as dad forgets to administer it. She isn’t sure if he ordered more liquid drops but thinks they have some pill form at that house. I said well you were low in vit D so you need to continue. I know from experience. I just found it amusing how he was adamant we get them and I almost drove back home for them. 

[Rosie_0801]

You're paying child support. Don't send him extra money for vitamins, especially when he won't give them to her.

[saraha]

1 hour ago, Rosie_0801 said:

You're paying child support. Don't send him extra money for vitamins, especially when he won't give them to her.

Yup

[heartlikealion]

1 hour ago, Rosie_0801 said:

You're paying child support. Don't send him extra money for vitamins, especially when he won't give them to her.

Originally it was to replace the bottle I left at my house. He bought those. Then we’d each have a bottle. 

But now … I don’t see any point. 

[Rosie_0801]

Can you start teaching your boy a bit of woodwork? Pick up some old furniture off the kerb and restore it? It might help him feel a bit better about the job situation. He'd be learning some skills, able to finish a project without dad's permission, use it to furnish his own place when he moves out, get himself a labouring job over the summer when he's a bit older, etc.

[heartlikealion]

18 hours ago, Rosie_0801 said:

Can you start teaching your boy a bit of woodwork? Pick up some old furniture off the kerb and restore it? It might help him feel a bit better about the job situation. He'd be learning some skills, able to finish a project without dad's permission, use it to furnish his own place when he moves out, get himself a labouring job over the summer when he's a bit older, etc.

I’m not sure. But I’ll look more into it. 

[heartlikealion]

Tell me I’m sane, please. 
upon realizing that my museum reservation lands on Father’s Day I canceled the passes and re-read the visitation agreement. Xh gets the kids Friday night for Father’s Day weekend. But he’s trying to tell me to keep them to make up for dd’s sick days and bring them to him on Sun night. I said no, I plan to bring them to you Friday as it’s stated. 
 

you know there’s no such thing as a nice gesture here… I’m not taking the bait. Pick another weekend, good grief. 

[Scarlett]

1 hour ago, heartlikealion said:

Tell me I’m sane, please. 
upon realizing that my museum reservation lands on Father’s Day I canceled the passes and re-read the visitation agreement. Xh gets the kids Friday night for Father’s Day weekend. But he’s trying to tell me to keep them to make up for dd’s sick days and bring them to him on Sun night. I said no, I plan to bring them to you Friday as it’s stated. 
 

you know there’s no such thing as a nice gesture here… I’m not taking the bait. Pick another weekend, good grief. 

Sounds like he has plans for that weekend not including the kids. Of course you are not insane.  I would however, in the future,  decide to take them any time he offers regardless of how much it messes up your plans ( to which you have a right of course).  

[heartlikealion]

1 minute ago, Scarlett said:

Sounds like he has plans for that weekend not including the kids. Of course you are not insane.  I would however, in the future,  decide to take them any time he offers regardless of how much it messes up your plans ( to which you have a right of course).  

I refused because I don’t want him to come back and say he gave up his Father’s Day weekend for me. The kids should be with him Father’s Day weekend and that’s what the settlement says. Seems messier to flip it on that weekend of all weekends. 

[Scarlett]

2 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

I refused because I don’t want him to come back and say he gave up his Father’s Day weekend for me. The kids should be with him Father’s Day weekend and that’s what the settlement says. Seems messier to flip it on that weekend of all weekends. 

To me it is only looks messier on him. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Rosie_0801]

But now he can say you didn't want the kids.

He can say anything he likes, any time he likes, so there's not much point trying to outmanoeuvre that.

If you have it in writing that he wanted you to take the kids on Father's Day weekend, the court isn't going to blame you, should you end up there again. He is allowed to give up his rights. The court order is about the minimum you owe each other. You can both give each other more.

[Scarlett]

1 minute ago, Rosie_0801 said:

But now he can say you didn't want the kids.

He can say anything he likes, any time he likes, so there's not much point trying to outmanoeuvre that.

If you have it in writing that he wanted you to take the kids on Father's Day weekend, the court isn't going to blame you, should you end up there again. He is allowed to give up his rights. The court order is about the minimum you owe each other. You can both give each other more.

Exactly. 

[heartlikealion]

Just now, Rosie_0801 said:

But now he can say you didn't want the kids.

He can say anything he likes, any time he likes, so there's not much point trying to outmanoeuvre that.

If you have it in writing that he wanted you to take the kids on Father's Day weekend, the court isn't going to blame you, should you end up there again. He is allowed to give up his rights. The court order is about the minimum you owe each other. You can both give each other more.

My kids might realize it’s Father’s Day weekend and I don’t like the idea of keeping them away from their dad. If that makes sense. 
Im not dealing with the lawyer right now but in the past he’s advised me to stick with the schedule. I have them all summer, I can do make up days another week if he wants me to take some. 

[heartlikealion]

Saw a dr this morning that’s gonna research sleep study for me. I’ve always needed a lot of sleep and often need a nap on a typical day or go to bed early. The last time I researched my vitamin levels etc the only thing I changed was D3 (D3 + K2 now) and B12. But it doesn’t feel like it ever totally addressed my issue. This guy has a theory that I could have a thyroid problem which is not found on every test. So despite having normal labs last time I could have an underlying problem. He thinks the sleep study would be covered under this insurance 🤞🤞he wants me to come back for lab work. 

[heartlikealion]

I feel like that doctor might be reaching with this thyroid theory… thinning hair? I just shed when I wash it and he assumes it is a sign. I literally have the hair dresser thin my hair because I have so much. Not sure I’ll go back to him or not but I’ll see what he says about the sleep study. I looked at my insurance site and it says I have a $750 deductible so I bet the sleep study isn’t coveted unless I meet that. And my out of pocket cost wasn’t great this week. 

Happy news I saw I get 5 free mental health sessions??? I left a message with one provider a few days ago and never heard back. I clicked a link through the website to request an appointment with another provider and hope I hear back soon. 

[maize]

On 6/10/2024 at 9:59 PM, heartlikealion said:

Yup. And I wouldn’t be surprised if his dad and stepmom are trying to rub it in my face that I am not the guardian (bringing that up to ds about the work permit) but I don’t react outwardly. I accepted that a while back.

——

dd got her bloodwork results and they see no signs of allergies so feel confident removing the tonsils and adenoids will address her issues. Her surgery is scheduled in July. Last visit I was instructed to give her vitamin D drops (we got the D3 + K2 combo). I accidentally left them at my home and xh said he’d need to order more so I told him I’d send him money (I’m waiting on pay day). I pulled over at GNC to see if they sold them but they didn’t have what I needed. Dd said she hasn’t even been taking the vitamin anymore as dad forgets to administer it. She isn’t sure if he ordered more liquid drops but thinks they have some pill form at that house. I said well you were low in vit D so you need to continue. I know from experience. I just found it amusing how he was adamant we get them and I almost drove back home for them. 

Vitamin D is not like water-soluble vitamins that need to be taken regularly. The body stores it well, so you can give her extra doses when she is at your house and not worry about her taking them at dad's house unless future blood work shows that her levels aren't improving.

[heartlikealion]

23 minutes ago, maize said:

Vitamin D is not like water-soluble vitamins that need to be taken regularly. The body stores it well, so you can give her extra doses when she is at your house and not worry about her taking them at dad's house unless future blood work shows that her levels aren't improving.

I know I took way more than recommended for myself to get my levels up but xh said there is a cap on how much kids can take so I was nervous to give get extra 

[maize]

1 hour ago, heartlikealion said:

I know I took way more than recommended for myself to get my levels up but xh said there is a cap on how much kids can take so I was nervous to give get extra 

Vitamin D toxicity is very rare and is associated not with a large single dose but with excessive daily intake over time. This study for example found that a bolus dose (large single dose) of up to 600,000 IUs did not result in harmful effects:

https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamanetworkopen/fullarticle/2791031

If your daughter's weekly intake doesn't exceed the recommended daily intake x 7, there shouldn't be any risk at all of overdose regardless of how the doses are administered (one dose each day or 7 doses all on the weekend).

[heartlikealion]

Input welcome

this is kinda nuts and maybe can’t even happen but was brought up 

This guy I was seeing (we’re trying to transition to platonic friends because he wants babies and I’m done). We were running around town yesterday to do an errand using my car and it started acting up badly. He started asking me questions about how I’d replace it if it dies. I said honestly I’d try to swing a car note with future pay (increase end of year if I get promoted which I should be approved). And even then I can’t guarantee that would offset the cost. 

he said what if you rent my empty house (cheaply)? To save money. 

Remember we got my landlord to agree I could break the lease early and just forfeit sec deposit. So technically I could move out early to switch homes. I would save money and he’d get some enough to cover utilities and a little more. It’s further from my job but would save me hundreds each month. It might be short term, dunno how long I’d do it. He’d move his furniture into his garage. 

Too weird? Smart? 

[Scarlett]

3 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

Input welcome

this is kinda nuts and maybe can’t even happen but was brought up 

This guy I was seeing (we’re trying to transition to platonic friends because he wants babies and I’m done). We were running around town yesterday to do an errand using my car and it started acting up badly. He started asking me questions about how I’d replace it if it dies. I said honestly I’d try to swing a car note with future pay (increase end of year if I get promoted which I should be approved). And even then I can’t guarantee that would offset the cost. 

he said what if you rent my empty house (cheaply)? To save money. 

Remember we got my landlord to agree I could break the lease early and just forfeit sec deposit. So technically I could move out early to switch homes. I would save money and he’d get some enough to cover utilities and a little more. It’s further from my job but would save me hundreds each month. It might be short term, dunno how long I’d do it. He’d move his furniture into his garage. 

Too weird? Smart? 

Why does he have an empty house?

[Frances]

On 6/13/2024 at 5:46 AM, heartlikealion said:

I feel like that doctor might be reaching with this thyroid theory… thinning hair? I just shed when I wash it and he assumes it is a sign. I literally have the hair dresser thin my hair because I have so much. Not sure I’ll go back to him or not but I’ll see what he says about the sleep study. I looked at my insurance site and it says I have a $750 deductible so I bet the sleep study isn’t coveted unless I meet that. And my out of pocket cost wasn’t great this week. 

Happy news I saw I get 5 free mental health sessions??? I left a message with one provider a few days ago and never heard back. I clicked a link through the website to request an appointment with another provider and hope I hear back soon. 

Several people in my life have thyroid issues, one was the worse case the Dr had ever seen in his practice and he was forbidden from driving until the numbers improved due to slow reflexes. None had issues with thinning hair. The most recently diagnosed one, based on symptoms rather than strict test result guidelines, has incredibly thick hair.

[heartlikealion]

27 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

Why does he have an empty house?

He owns it and it’s an heirloom home. But for various reasons likes staying a lot at his rental (he was at one point flip flopping between the rental and house). He wants to keep the house. It’s sentimental. Someone was renting a month or so ago, but they moved out recently. He was thinking of moving out of the rental to save money but would rather keep it and let me rent the house so we both save. I’ve been to the home. It has a working washer/dryer. Nice neighborhood. Yard. 

[Scarlett]

20 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

He owns it and it’s an heirloom home. But for various reasons likes staying a lot at his rental (he was at one point flip flopping between the rental and house). He wants to keep the house. It’s sentimental. Someone was renting a month or so ago, but they moved out recently. He was thinking of moving out of the rental to save money but would rather keep it and let me rent the house so we both save. I’ve been to the home. It has a working washer/dryer. Nice neighborhood. Yard. 

I would probably do it. It’s not like he’s using the house to entice you into a relationship.

[bolt.]

In my opinion, you are far too mixed up about this man, and he is far too mixed up about you, for it to be wise to enter a landlord-tenant-cheap-because-he-cares type of relationship.

If you were desperate for housing and could not otherwise support yourself, in that case whether or not it was 'wise' might be eclipsed by it being a last resort -- but you are not in need of a last resort. I would not do it (right now, with the undefined relationship) just to save money.

In a few months, if he becomes solidly a friend, solidly an acquaintance, openly interested, or something else: then you can properly evaluate what it would be like to have him as a landlord-plus-that... Right now, it's too complicated for my comfort.

(My sense is that he both wants to 'back burner' you -- in case he can't find a baby-maker -- and buy/obligate you to keep him in your life on those terms. That's going to go south very fast if you become interested in someone else, or if you and/or he have fluxuating levels of interest in one another that don't match up. Nobody needs drama with their landlord.)

[heartlikealion]

6 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

I would probably do it. It’s not like he’s using the house to entice you into a relationship.

Yeah he’s not. He’s genuinely caring and rented it cheap to the last tenant. She never had anything romantic with him. She just was in a bad spot financially and he trusted her to not trash the place. 

[KSera]

I can understand the appeal, but would feel pretty uneasy about the many ways for it to potentially go wrong having him as your landlord. 

[heartlikealion]

2 minutes ago, bolt. said:

In my opinion, you are far too mixed up about this man, and he is far too mixed up about you, for it to be wise to enter a landlord-tenant-cheap-because-he-cares type of relationship.

If you were desperate for housing and could not otherwise support yourself, in that case whether or not it was 'wise' might be eclipsed by it being a last resort -- but you are not in need of a last resort. I would not do it (right now, with the undefined relationship) just to save money.

In a few months, if he becomes solidly a friend, solidly an acquaintance, openly interested, or something else: then you can properly evaluate what it would be like to have him as a landlord-plus-that... Right now, it's too complicated for my comfort.

(My sense is that he both wants to 'back burner' you -- in case he can't find a baby-maker -- and buy/obligate you to keep him in your life on those terms. That's going to go south very fast if you become interested in someone else, or if you and/or he have fluxuating levels of interest in one another that don't match up. Nobody needs drama with their landlord.)

These are all similar thoughts I’ve had. He had a similar rent agreement with the last tenant. She spoke well of him when I met her (he wasn’t present). 

I actually might be in last resort mode. I have a high balance on 2 ccs. One with zero interest but it’s practically maxed out as other expenses accrue. I just sent xh money for dd’s ENT visit. I’ve bought extra groceries because the kids are here 50% of summer. My car is acting up. I have to finish paying off my recent colposcopy. I’m drowning. And I don’t know how much I’ve spent at the laundromat since this unit’s W/D don’t work. 

[Scarlett]

1 minute ago, heartlikealion said:

These are all similar thoughts I’ve had. He had a similar rent agreement with the last tenant. She spoke well of him when I met her (he wasn’t present). 

I actually might be in last resort mode. I have a high balance on 2 ccs. One with zero interest but it’s practically maxed out as other expenses accrue. I just sent xh money for dd’s ENT visit. I’ve bought extra groceries because the kids are here 50% of summer. My car is acting up. I have to finish paying off my recent colposcopy. I’m drowning. And I don’t know how much I’ve spent at the laundromat since this unit’s W/D don’t work. 

Yes, this is part of my reasoning. I do feel like you are in a pretty desperate situation. And he does seem like a nice guy. I can totally understand him, wanting someone in there that he can trust to not trash it.

[cjzimmer1]

2 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

These are all similar thoughts I’ve had. He had a similar rent agreement with the last tenant. She spoke well of him when I met her (he wasn’t present). 

I actually might be in last resort mode. I have a high balance on 2 ccs. One with zero interest but it’s practically maxed out as other expenses accrue. I just sent xh money for dd’s ENT visit. I’ve bought extra groceries because the kids are here 50% of summer. My car is acting up. I have to finish paying off my recent colposcopy. I’m drowning. And I don’t know how much I’ve spent at the laundromat since this unit’s W/D don’t work. 

I'm in the take the offer and move camp.  Seems like you need all the help you can get.  Just make sure whatever terms you agree to are in writing so if the relationship stuff causes a problem you have some protection.

[heartlikealion]

4 minutes ago, cjzimmer1 said:

I'm in the take the offer and move camp.  Seems like you need all the help you can get.  Just make sure whatever terms you agree to are in writing so if the relationship stuff causes a problem you have some protection.

My local gf said the same. I asked if we could put something in writing. He was taken aback a second because he didn’t do anything formal before but he said that’s totally fine. And he made a comment basically saying he doesn’t expect me to stay single and never invite anyone over. He’s trying to be professional and respectful about it. Only thing he asked was that I do yard work. He’s gonna replace the mower and there’s a weed eater. I’ve hung out in the house. I’ve used the washer/dryer. He said he’d leave the x box in the house if the kids want to play. 

He even offered to help me move insisting his car fits a ton and he doesn’t want me to rent a truck. He said he’s put his friend’s motorcycle in the back before. It’s just my huge couch I am unsure of. Might have to take apart or get a truck. 

He said he likes the idea of someone occupying the house. It makes him sad when it’s vacant. 

I texted my boss a few min ago to ask if I could get an exception to live outside the boundary we’re supposed to live in for our job if I find a new rental due to hardship. She said HR has a form and I’d just need to show proof. I think I would get approved. Most people I know do not have kids and share rent with someone. I’m the odd man out paying all my expenses on my own and child support so I’m sure they’d see it’s definitely a struggle. 

[bolt.]

54 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

These are all similar thoughts I’ve had. He had a similar rent agreement with the last tenant. She spoke well of him when I met her (he wasn’t present). 

I actually might be in last resort mode. I have a high balance on 2 ccs. One with zero interest but it’s practically maxed out as other expenses accrue. I just sent xh money for dd’s ENT visit. I’ve bought extra groceries because the kids are here 50% of summer. My car is acting up. I have to finish paying off my recent colposcopy. I’m drowning. And I don’t know how much I’ve spent at the laundromat since this unit’s W/D don’t work. 

With this info, and the rest of what you have added (him being aware you might date, him being open to a proper lease agreement) I've changed my thoughts towards it maybe being a risk worth taking. I'd follow up with the paperwork needed for your workplace, then cautiously go ahead.

[KungFuPanda]

2 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

Yeah he’s not. He’s genuinely caring and rented it cheap to the last tenant. She never had anything romantic with him. She just was in a bad spot financially and he trusted her to not trash the place. 

I would not underestimate the value of a tenant that doesn’t trash the place.  If he can buy peace of mind with a discounted rent it’s win-win. It’s not ideal, but your whole situation isn’t ideal and hopefully a few months of breathing room can help you catch up. If you can start an emergency fund by saving the difference it can help prevent setbacks when things inevitably come up. 

[heartlikealion]

16 minutes ago, KungFuPanda said:

I would not underestimate the value of a tenant that doesn’t trash the place.  If he can buy peace of mind with a discounted rent it’s win-win. It’s not ideal, but your whole situation isn’t ideal and hopefully a few months of breathing room can help you catch up. If you can start an emergency fund by saving the difference it can help prevent setbacks when things inevitably come up. 

I’m trying to get cc debt down, set aside money for taxes on my tutoring gig, put money into car fund, etc. Right now there’s no easy way to do that… just snowballing out of control. I get a little break the months that have 3 pay days, but no real progress. In July dd will have tonsils & adenoids removed and I’ll get 50% of the bill on that. I’m spending more on gas in summer as I take or pick up the kids at the halfway point every weekend. The lump sum I give him will include water, electricity and internet. It will save me immensely. 

[Spryte]

My initial thought was that the whole thing is too emotionally messy. But with your circumstances — it might be a win-win. I would want to have a lease with clear terms for both of your sakes.

[thatfirstsip]

Get it in writing and go for it. These are the kinds of chances poor people take when we can, or must. It sounds as good an idea as anything else, and the breathing room is really important when you're living in the financial edge.

[maize]

I think saving money on housing would be a huge blessing--you've been barely scraping by for so long with no margin.

[KSera]

What are the terms for breaking your current lease and how difficult would it be to find another place you could afford if you have to move back out of his house? I didn’t realize your money situation was still that close to the edge, so I can understand this could be a real benefit, while at the same time it would be ideal if you have a back up plan if you can’t remain there long term. You’d want to be sure any fees that you have to pay for breaking your lease early would be made up for in a relatively short time of being in the new rental and that breaking the lease isn’t going to hurt your ability to obtain a future lease due to a poor landlord reference.
 

[heartlikealion]

7 minutes ago, KSera said:

What are the terms for breaking your current lease and how difficult would it be to find another place you could afford if you have to move back out of his house? I didn’t realize your money situation was still that close to the edge, so I can understand this could be a real benefit, while at the same time it would be ideal if you have a back up plan if you can’t remain there long term. You’d want to be sure any fees that you have to pay for breaking your lease early would be made up for in a relatively short time of being in the new rental and that breaking the lease isn’t going to hurt your ability to obtain a future lease due to a poor landlord reference.
 

We got the current landlord to edit the lease before I signed so it allows me to break it without owing the remainder of the 12 month lease. If I break it he just keeps the security deposit. I’m waiting for this to be 100% happening before putting in my one month notice. Landlord would have July to advertise it. I’d move into house in August but possibly move over items before. I don’t know how long I’d stay at house to get on my feet. The house won’t have a strict X number of months lease. More like month to month. 

if I were to try to move anywhere else I’d need deposit money and possibly need to pay at least one activation fee for a utility. Small square footage. Potentially less kid-friendly location. I just don’t see any other moves I can make to save money.

As soon as I’ll eligible I’ll put in for promotion but that’s a few hundred more a month at most and I will take forever to get ahead just on that. Especially if I have a car fiasco. Buses won’t replace a car in my situation. Need to pick up kids. 

[Spryte]

Could you get a commitment for at least six to twelve months, then go month to month? It would be expensive and hard for you to move, then need another move two or three months later.

[heartlikealion]

10 minutes ago, Spryte said:

Could you get a commitment for at least six to twelve months, then go month to month? It would be expensive and hard for you to move, then need another move two or three months later.

I think he would be agreeable to that. 

[JennyD]

2 hours ago, Spryte said:

My initial thought was that the whole thing is too emotionally messy. But with your circumstances — it might be a win-win. I would want to have a lease with clear terms for both of your sakes.

I had the same thoughts.

Your friend is sensible to want the house occupied, and by someone he's confident will look after the place, even if it doesn't maximize his income.  IME, old houses deteriorate quickly when they are unoccupied.  

I really hope it works out for you, OP.  You've had such a difficult road.

[Heartstrings]

8 hours ago, Scarlett said:

Yes, this is part of my reasoning. I do feel like you are in a pretty desperate situation. And he does seem like a nice guy. I can totally understand him, wanting someone in there that he can trust to not trash it.

I completely agree with Scarlett here. 
 

 

He’s renting you a house for below market rent, he isn’t asking you to move in with him. I think it could be fine.   

[heartlikealion]

Just now, Heartstrings said:

I completely agree with Scarlett here. 
 

 

He’s renting you a house for below market rent, he isn’t asking you to move in with him. I think it could be fine.   

The last tenant and him had an arrangement where he’d come over sometimes to do his laundry (he would let her know ahead and she was usually at work I think) but with me he said he planned to just use the laundromat. I can tell he’s trying to give me space. 

[maize]

10 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

The last tenant and him had an arrangement where he’d come over sometimes to do his laundry (he would let her know ahead and she was usually at work I think) but with me he said he planned to just use the laundromat. I can tell he’s trying to give me space. 

He sounds like a thoughtful and decent sort of human, the kind you want in your corner.