“Protest behavior”

[heartlikealion]

Just now, maize said:

Do you think you might enjoy DnD?

If you get into it, It could be a good way to develop more of a social group locally. I've never played myself but have a lot of family and friends who play.

I don’t know but I’m trying not to say “no way.” I started looking into it at work and saw our copy of the player handbook was missing so requested a replacement lol For me I think I may not be a great fit (I was pitched a DnD scenario and asked how my character would react. I said I probably wouldn’t get involved - witnessing a dispute. But apparently a lot of players would. I don’t know if I’d be any good at the fantasy scenarios as I don’t think I care?) And developing a character sounds like a pain. Learning rules etc. Sounds like homework! But I may just ask to sit in part of a game one night to witness it. 

I’ve been busy enough lately that I haven’t stressed too much about my social circle. I met a woman at Walmart a few weeks ago and we’re gonna get together soon. A friend from MS was here a few days ago for a concert so we met up for a meal. And pretty soon the kids will be home every other week for summer. 

[heartlikealion]

This guy is established in his career, has some similar interests and has always wanted a family. He knows I don’t want to have any more biological kids, though. Just saying this gives some possibility of a future. He is a welder and showed me some of his work in the city. I thought that was very cool. Although he knows several people and introduced me to some females, I didn’t feel threatened at all. One of the bartenders asked if she knew me (she actually may have waited on me once as I’d been there before). I think he just knows a lot of people (some of whom are attractive ladies). 

[heartlikealion]

He seems to be making real effort. He’s taking me to this placed called The Foundation Room on top of the House of Blues 🤷🏻‍♀️ I deliberately didn’t google it so it’s more of a surprise, only asked him appropriate attire. I plan to wear a dress. 

[Heartstrings]

On 4/21/2024 at 4:10 PM, heartlikealion said:

I don’t know but I’m trying not to say “no way.” I started looking into it at work and saw our copy of the player handbook was missing so requested a replacement lol For me I think I may not be a great fit (I was pitched a DnD scenario and asked how my character would react. I said I probably wouldn’t get involved - witnessing a dispute. But apparently a lot of players would. I don’t know if I’d be any good at the fantasy scenarios as I don’t think I care?) And developing a character sounds like a pain. Learning rules etc. Sounds like homework! But I may just ask to sit in part of a game one night to witness it. 

I like to play sometimes but I don’t feel like I’m very good at it, role playing isn’t my strong suit.  I do like being around while other people play, it can be fun to watch.  I like the lore and the stories.  

Edited April 25 by Heartstrings

[katilac]

7 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

He seems to be making real effort. He’s taking me to this placed called The Foundation Room on top of the House of Blues 🤷🏻‍♀️ I deliberately didn’t google it so it’s more of a surprise, only asked him appropriate attire. I plan to wear a dress. 

The Foundation Room is real effort for sure! I think you should like the vibe. 

[heartlikealion]

We had a good time and their internet/server? was down so after several attempts to pay using the app as instructed, they let us in the place for free. We ate dinner there. I am a simple person, I don’t eat half the menu. But I got a burger & fries and they were good. 

[heartlikealion]

I sat through a confusing hour of DnD. Not for me lol but it was nice to see grown men having fun doing something so wholesome. 

[Rosie_0801]

What's confusing about it?

[heartlikealion]

18 minutes ago, Rosie_0801 said:

What's confusing about it?

The fact that it is made up week to week or campaign to campaign? I’m used to games with concrete rules, goals, options. Now you can argue that there are concrete rules (roll to see damage or whatever) but it’s a lot for me to process.  

I arrived mid game so that may be part of it but they have multiple dice on the table and I didn’t realize they use so many. The players are making their way up to this floating thing (everything was sketched out by the guy I was with) and they were able to use leaps, magic beans and who knows what else.

As a general rule, the more complex a game the harder it is for me to enjoy. It starts to feel like I’m juggling too much in my brain. 

[Rosie_0801]

Think of it as a story with props being co-written by everyone at the table rather than a board game, one chapter at a time.

Coming in midway doesn't really make a difference, it just feels like it does.

The dice don't matter at all as a spectator, and you'd get the hang of which to use pretty quickly if you were playing, because the DM (dude running it) would tell you.

Really, by the end of the second session playing, you'd have most of it figured out. It's slower as an observer because you're not invested at all. With your own character, that you've created yourself, you have something to care about. I haven't played for 20 years and it was the ex's hobby, not mine, and I can still feel sad about two of my long dead characters if I think about it.

[Heartstrings]

5 hours ago, Rosie_0801 said:

Think of it as a story with props being co-written by everyone at the table rather than a board game, one chapter at a time.

Coming in midway doesn't really make a difference, it just feels like it does.

 

That's a really good explanation.  I told a friend once it was like a group choose-your-own adventure book but with dice to add a random element to it.  

[heartlikealion]

He needs to figure out how adamant he is about settling down with someone that will give him biological kids. I told him I’ve been there, done that, and even with a super supportive active partner it’s a lot. I just don’t wanna sign up for that or waste his (our) time if he could be searching for that with someone else. 

He’s been pretty great. Today we rode bikes, went to the French market & other shops, bowling, got drinks at this carousel bar that literally spins, saw a “second line” (basically mini parade) go down the street and went dancing/mingling with fellow goths at a monthly goth event. He’s introduced me to a million people, too. We never even got in a car to do anything. 

[heartlikealion]

TMI probably but I suggested he get a fertility test because it’s possible the bio kids thing is a moot point. In the meantime we’re just gonna continue going out and try to put that out of our minds. Last night we did dinner & a movie. It was my first time going to the movies in this city. We had the whole showing to ourselves which really confused me. He said probably because Jazzfest is going on. Anyway we had a great night. 

[Scarlett]

1 hour ago, heartlikealion said:

TMI probably but I suggested he get a fertility test because it’s possible the bio kids thing is a moot point. In the meantime we’re just gonna continue going out and try to put that out of our minds. Last night we did dinner & a movie. It was my first time going to the movies in this city. We had the whole showing to ourselves which really confused me. He said probably because Jazzfest is going on. Anyway we had a great night. 

How old is he? 

[heartlikealion]

11 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

How old is he? 

He just turned 50.

[Faith-manor]

1 hour ago, heartlikealion said:

He just turned 50.

He would be 68 when a child graduated from high school IF he had a child this year. This is not good. He will be potentially retired and on fixed income by then which is fine if he has amazing retirement savings, but otherwise not the best plan for sure unless he wants to work to 70 or 72. 

Gently, if he says he absolutely must have a baby, and you are not comfortable with that, I would recommend you put him the friend zone and be willing to do something fun once in a while as friends, but absolutely nix any possibility of romantic relationship. Financially, for you, it doesn't make sense. You are trying to get out of debt and build savings, and need to make up for lost time saving for retirement. Taking time off for gestation, birth, recovery, and then child rearing as it is quite likely a sick child will side line you not him, is going to really delay making financial strides forward. 

[heartlikealion]

1 hour ago, Faith-manor said:

He would be 68 when a child graduated from high school IF he had a child this year. This is not good. He will be potentially retired and on fixed income by then which is fine if he has amazing retirement savings, but otherwise not the best plan for sure unless he wants to work to 70 or 72. 

Gently, if he says he absolutely must have a baby, and you are not comfortable with that, I would recommend you put him the friend zone and be willing to do something fun once in a while as friends, but absolutely nix any possibility of romantic relationship. Financially, for you, it doesn't make sense. You are trying to get out of debt and build savings, and need to make up for lost time saving for retirement. Taking time off for gestation, birth, recovery, and then child rearing as it is quite likely a sick child will side line you not him, is going to really delay making financial strides forward. 

I’m not sure if you misread… I am not going to give him babies. I have made that very clear and I’ve told him he could miss out on seeing potential grandkids etc. He has no living family (the guy he introduced me to is like a little brother but not actually related) so he says it would be worth it to continue his bloodline. 

If his dr says what I think, he might let go of the idea of pursuing a biological family. 

[heartlikealion]

Oh and financially speaking etc he said he is in a good place (welding since a teen and has 2 homes) and would even be willing to be the stay at home parent if I wanted to work. But I know I can’t go through all that again. I explained how hard it would be with a healthy child and how you don’t even know if you’ll get a healthy one. I told him mine are relatively healthy but both had colic, needed therapies (speech, occupational) and as a child I often was embarrassed to have older parents. My mom had me at age 41. I’m 41 now. I emphasized how exhausting it is and how even finding a trustworthy babysitter is a struggle. But he always wanted a family so you know his perspective is different. He’s quite healthy overall (fit, exercises, cooks healthy). 

My idea of reality and my ability to see the forest despite the trees, is often better than the guys I go out with. I think he’s partially influenced by a guy he knows that just got a baby at an older age and is excited about it. I asked how old the mom is and he isn’t sure. I said that makes a huge difference. 

I hope that we can see eye to eye on this but if not, then I am prepared to be single. I wasn’t even looking for anyone when we finally met. 

[Heartstrings]

Is there a reason to think he can’t have kids? Men can be fertile into their 90s.  
 

Kind of an aside, but there is some thought out there that the increase in birth defects and chromosomal abnormalities that women experience after 35 is also tied to the age of the father.   That’s not usually what people want to think about though.  

[heartlikealion]

9 minutes ago, Heartstrings said:

Is there a reason to think he can’t have kids? Men can be fertile into their 90s.  
 

Kind of an aside, but there is some thought out there that the increase in birth defects and chromosomal abnormalities that women experience after 35 is also tied to the age of the father.   That’s not usually what people want to think about though.  

My guess isn’t so much that he can’t have kids but that at his age it’s not recommended and the time it takes to achieve pregnancy is longer or may not happen due to sperm count  and mobility of sperm naturally slowing down as you age (just based on googling). 

[KSera]

24 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

If his dr says what I think, he might let go of the idea of pursuing a biological family. 

At 50, i’d be expecting it to be more likely he could father a child if he wanted to, which it sounds like he does. I wouldn’t be trying to talk someone out of that if it’s important to them.
 

 

12 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

Oh and financially speaking etc he said he is in a good place (welding since a teen and has 2 homes) and would even be willing to be the stay at home parent if I wanted to work.

You two move fast! Didn’t you just start seeing eachother? If you’re enjoying the company, I would just continue enjoying hanging out together while making it very clear you won’t be having any more children and he can make his own decisions about your relationship based on that.

[KSera]

29 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

If his dr says what I think, he might let go of the idea of pursuing a biological family. 

I should add, with the additional information that you’re 41, the combo of you being 41 and him being 50 would make the likelihood pretty low, but not low enough to count on that as birth control!

 

 

 

[heartlikealion]

Just now, KSera said:

At 50, i’d be expecting it to be more likely he could father a child if he wanted to, which it sounds like he does. I wouldn’t be trying to talk someone out of that if it’s important to them.
 

 

You two move fast! Didn’t you just start seeing eachother? If you’re enjoying the company, I would just continue enjoying hanging out together while making it very clear you won’t be having any more children and he can make his own decisions about your relationship based on that.

He began to refer to himself as my boyfriend and I said is that what you are? This was a couple days ago. We never labeled it. I essentially told him I don’t want to take him off the market if he’s looking for a mate to mother children. He didn’t want to part ways and I almost just went home that day after that conversation. But instead we continued with our plan and went bowling and dancing and he said thanks for not breaking up with me… not that you still can’t. 

ughhhh. It’s hard. In my experience, men will not pull the trigger so I usually break things off when I see it going no where. In our case I guess I’m stalling to see what he thinks after he sees the dr. 

This week we went out Thursday night, hung out all day Friday (we were both off work), I worked Sat and then we went out after work. We’re not seeing each other today. He told me the kid thing the first day we discussed family (as in, do you have local family etc) and it sorta came up organically. When I told him I was not wanting any more bio kids I figured he wouldn’t pursue me but he did anyway so that’s why I thought maybe it was not a dealbreaker. But then I saw he still wants them. The thing is we’ve both had lousy luck with relationships and I think he’s sorta scared to lose me to find someone else and then maybe never find that. And I said I don’t want you to look back and wonder if you wasted time on me because you didn’t get kids and maybe could have met someone else. 

[heartlikealion]

8 minutes ago, KSera said:

I should add, with the additional information that you’re 41, the combo of you being 41 and him being 50 would make the likelihood pretty low, but not low enough to count on that as birth control!

Nope, not counting on that as birth control!!! My parents gave up on having a third when they didn’t get pregnant. Then I was made when my mom was 41. I know anything is possible. 

[Heartstrings]

40 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

And I said I don’t want you to look back and wonder if you wasted time on me because you didn’t get kids and maybe could have met someone else.

I would think that if he wasted any time it was the past 20-30 years prior to meeting you.  At 50 he’s at the point where if children are extremely important to him he needs to be looking at much younger women, which is going to get awkward.   Whatever he was doing to get to 50 without kids is why he doesn’t have kids, not because he is dating you.  He’s just bumping up again the biological realities women in his age range are not exactly the most fertile even if they also want children or more children, which a lot of women our age don’t.  
 

 

[heartlikealion]

20 minutes ago, Heartstrings said:

I would think that if he wasted any time it was the past 20-30 years prior to meeting you.  At 50 he’s at the point where if children are extremely important to him he needs to be looking at much younger women, which is going to get awkward.   Whatever he was doing to get to 50 without kids is why he doesn’t have kids, not because he is dating you.  He’s just bumping up again the biological realities women in his age range are not exactly the most fertile even if they also want children or more children, which a lot of women our age don’t.  

Thank you 

I just never like to feel like I’m holding someone back and they will harbor resentment. I think I needed to hear this. Likewise I don’t want to change my life goals just to appease some guy as I know that could lead to resentment on my end. 

He said much of his adult life he was helping care for other family (elderly I think) and kids. I know one summer he had someone else’s kids with him. I can’t remember the exact relationship. Anyway he said he didn’t feel like he could focus on his own family goals with all that going on. And it sounds like he didn’t really date women that were good for settling down with. Not a lot of long-term relationships. 

I don’t want to give up too easily on him but I also am guarded. At least we both agree on several things. One of the first nights we hung out he said he needed to buy something at the grocery store which was in walking distance. When I saw how he shopped I thought oh ok so he’s kinda healthy. He does enjoy beer and dining out but his day to day he’s doing manual labor, exercises, cooks at home, reads, sketches, takes care of his pets… just seems very grounded and down to earth. I was quite impressed as many guys I meet just don’t take care of themselves. 

[heartlikealion]

He didn’t schedule the dr visit but he brought up the kid thing again and how making a family is a life goal. Out the other side of his mouth he says he wants me. I said those are contradictory things. I ended it. I can’t handle this. Will only be more painful later. Unless he does a 180 later on the topic and reaches out.

😞 

I always have to pull the trigger because they will drag it out.  

[Scarlett]

18 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

He didn’t schedule the dr visit but he brought up the kid thing again and how making a family is a life goal. Out the other side of his mouth he says he wants me. I said those are contradictory things. I ended it. I can’t handle this. Will only be more painful later. Unless he does a 180 later on the topic and reaches out.

😞 

I always have to pull the trigger because they will drag it out.  

What you see as dragging it out I see as him  working things out in his  head. Girl you might give it a minute. 

[heartlikealion]

34 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

What you see as dragging it out I see as him  working things out in his  head. Girl you might give it a minute. 

He texted me saying he was thinking about what I said Saturday and how he wants a family.

i don’t see how I’m in the wrong here. I don’t want to be the “f**k no”… that’s what it feels like. Referring to the f yes/f no law upthread. It just feels like if he wanted to give it a min he wouldn’t bring it back up.  

[annandatje]

2 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

 

Decided against giving any advice or opinion on matter.

Edited May 8 by annandatje

[heartlikealion]

18 minutes ago, annandatje said:

Decided against giving any advice or opinion on matter.

Your opinion is valid. I meant 180 if the visit with the doctor affected his mindset. But I don’t want to hold my breath. I really liked him but this is a huge compatibility issue so I’m just trying to protect my heart. 

[Scarlett]

19 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

Your opinion is valid. I meant 180 if the visit with the doctor affected his mindset. But I don’t want to hold my breath. I really liked him but this is a huge compatibility issue so I’m just trying to protect my heart. 

You are correct it is a huge compatibility issue.  HUGE!  I am just suggesting his life goal is probably unrealistic at this point unless he finds someone with no kids in which case she is probably very young and then that is just weird.  
 

I think you could have kept seeing him with a firm no to kids and see where it went for just a few weeks.  Not months or years….but a few weeks.  He seems to really like you and you him.

[heartlikealion]

14 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

You are correct it is a huge compatibility issue.  HUGE!  I am just suggesting his life goal is probably unrealistic at this point unless he finds someone with no kids in which case she is probably very young and then that is just weird.  
 

I think you could have kept seeing him with a firm no to kids and see where it went for just a few weeks.  Not months or years….but a few weeks.  He seems to really like you and you him.

I thought about it. We had plans to meet this Thursday. But then he texted me and brought up the kid thing and his life goals. It really soured any future dates for me. Thinking the whole time, “I’m not really what this man wants in life.” I don’t want someone to settle for me. I deserve to be an “f yes” 

[heartlikealion]

One of my guy friends brought some levity to the situation. He said he hasn’t even met your kids and wants to add a third? Your kids are still young and he’d get the benefit of a family minus the diapers and crying. Guys are dumb, give him time. He might reach out later after he realizes he shouldn’t have let you go. 

I know that may not be true but it was sweet. 

[Clemsondana]

My take would have been that the guy was struggling to figure out what to do with the life-long idea of wanting a kid and trying to figure out how set you were about not wanting more kids since, to make this relationship work, one of you was going to have to change their goals.  He needed to know if the person to change definitely needed to be him.  It's a lot to process and I'd think that most people would take more than a few weeks - I know that when I had a dramatic shift in career plans it took a few months and much conversation to think through and adjust.  

I could be way off base, but if he's thinking anything along those lines then I wouldn't necessarily expect to hear from him again - if somebody walked away when I was trying to figure out how to make things work I would probably not pursue them.  If they initiated contact I'd probably continue to think about what I was willing to change to continue the relationship but I'd be hesitant, worrying that they would walk away rather than talking through the inevitable differences that come up.  

[marbel]

I understand why you ended the relationship. The fact that he, at 50, is so set on starting his own family, when he could potentially make you and your kids his family, would be concerning to me. I get having life goals and dreams, but at some point things become unworkable. It sounds as if he has been so set on that dream for so long, he can't see the downsides of starting a family at his age. (I had my kids at 41 and 42 and I know the downsides.) 

I am sorry. 

ETA: What makes him think it would be guaranteed he'd have kids with any woman anyway? Even if he passed a fertility test, that's not a guarantee. Lots of couples can't have kids for various reasons not necessarily related to one person's fertility test. 

Edited May 8 by marbel

[heartlikealion]

1 hour ago, Clemsondana said:

My take would have been that the guy was struggling to figure out what to do with the life-long idea of wanting a kid and trying to figure out how set you were about not wanting more kids since, to make this relationship work, one of you was going to have to change their goals.  He needed to know if the person to change definitely needed to be him.  It's a lot to process and I'd think that most people would take more than a few weeks - I know that when I had a dramatic shift in career plans it took a few months and much conversation to think through and adjust.  

I could be way off base, but if he's thinking anything along those lines then I wouldn't necessarily expect to hear from him again - if somebody walked away when I was trying to figure out how to make things work I would probably not pursue them.  If they initiated contact I'd probably continue to think about what I was willing to change to continue the relationship but I'd be hesitant, worrying that they would walk away rather than talking through the inevitable differences that come up.  

I feel like you missed a memo. He literally said, “my goal in life is to make a family.” He said that on Tuesday. There was no wiggle room in anything he said. 

To keep going on dates would probably be a disservice to us both. 

I feel like if he’s going to change his mind I don’t need to be there. He needs to weigh his options without someone standing there holding their breath. 

I’m trying to practice dating that brings me peace. This was starting to bring me confusion and heartache. 

If you love someone let them go. Blah blah. If it’s meant to be it will work out. I’m not gonna kick myself over it. 

The last thing he told me was that if I ever need help don’t hesitate to call him. He’ll drop anything. 

[Clemsondana]

Just now, heartlikealion said:

I feel like you missed a memo. He literally said, “my goal in life is to make a family.” He said that on Tuesday. There was no wiggle room in anything he said. 

To keep going on dates would probably be a disservice to us both. 

I feel like if he’s going to change his mind I don’t need to be there. He needs to weigh his options without someone standing there holding their breath. 

I’m trying to practice dating that brings me peace. This was starting to bring me confusion and heartache. 

If you love someone let them go. Blah blah. If it’s meant to be it will work out. I’m not gonna kick myself over it. 

The last thing he told me was that if I ever need help don’t hesitate to call him. He’ll drop anything. 

I understand.  Spouse and I have found that we always work towards a goal, until we change goals.  My goal was to be a professor...until I decided that I'd rather go a different direction.  One day I came home from work and said 'I don't want to work towards this any more.'. I started looking at different jobs and made plans to wind up my work over the next few months.  But until I saw a path I wanted more and had time to ponder it, I kept moving forward with plan A.  I just wondered if he was in the 'starting to ponder' phase. 

[heartlikealion]

5 minutes ago, Clemsondana said:

I understand.  Spouse and I have found that we always work towards a goal, until we change goals.  My goal was to be a professor...until I decided that I'd rather go a different direction.  One day I came home from work and said 'I don't want to work towards this any more.'. I started looking at different jobs and made plans to wind up my work over the next few months.  But until I saw a path I wanted more and had time to ponder it, I kept moving forward with plan A.  I just wondered if he was in the 'starting to ponder' phase. 

A few people have blurted out “of course he can still have kids at his age” and my immediate internal was “then I shouldn’t stand in his way.” This is my weird way of showing love I guess. 

[Hyacinth]

If this man is 50 years old and hasn’t yet moved toward his supposed lifelong goal of starting a family, I’d say he’s a poor planner and/or a poor executioner. Or he’s simply keeping this in his back pocket as a get-out-of-the-relationship-free card when things get serious and possibly difficult (as relationships do): “I told you I wanted kids.” 

I think you’re wise to step away. 

[heartlikealion]

2 minutes ago, Hyacinth said:

If this man is 50 years old and hasn’t yet moved toward his supposed lifelong goal of starting a family, I’d say he’s a poor planner and/or a poor executioner. Or he’s simply keeping this in his back pocket as a get-out-of-the-relationship-free card when things get serious and possibly difficult (as relationships do): “I told you I wanted kids.” 

I think you’re wise to step away. 

I didn’t get the vibe he’d use it later as an excuse but my guy friend also suggested that as a possibility. 

[Spryte]

I think if his life goal has been to have kids, he’s left it a bit late. Maybe this is a new goal, and he wasn’t there 20 years ago. Maybe there’s some regret mixed in, I don’t know. Sure, he could have kids now, but it’s not ideal. There are other ways to start a family, too.

I’m a stepmom, maybe I’m biased, but my kids are my kids.  My kids are every bit my kids, and DNA has nothing to do with love and shared experience. He could’ve had kids with you, too, heart, they are just a bit older and it’s a less conventional family. 

I love that you said you want to practice dating that brings you peace. What a good plan. And I love that you can see that this kid issue could cause problems in the future. I like that you are firm that you don’t want more kids and confident in owning that choice. I think you are smart, and solid, and making good choices. Stay strong!

Edited May 8 by Spryte

[heartlikealion]

I feel pretty confident that I could birth a child if I wanted to (I am relatively healthy right now) however that would be the least of my concerns. I suffer from fatigue often and it is so much harder with demanding cries and other things. I lost out on being just a wife. I went straight from gf to pregnant so when I got married I was already expecting. If I ever marry again I want to enjoy the wife phase without new motherhood. And you don’t have the luxury of time if you/your mate has a ticking clock. I mean there are so many more things I could say on this matter. That’s just a few of the reasons. 

For some reason bloodline is very important to some people. This man has no living family and wanted to pass on his bloodline. I don’t quite think that way. 

[Faith-manor]

43 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

I feel pretty confident that I could birth a child if I wanted to (I am relatively healthy right now) however that would be the least of my concerns. I suffer from fatigue often and it is so much harder with demanding cries and other things. I lost out on being just a wife. I went straight from gf to pregnant so when I got married I was already expecting. If I ever marry again I want to enjoy the wife phase without new motherhood. And you don’t have the luxury of time if you/your mate has a ticking clock. I mean there are so many more things I could say on this matter. That’s just a few of the reasons. 

For some reason bloodline is very important to some people. This man has no living family and wanted to pass on his bloodline. I don’t quite think that way. 

I agree with your decision. First, you should be a hell yes for the right man. Second, you have two children that you want to have confidence in your partner to be invested in step parenting very healthfully. Third, you have every right to want something from the relationship you didn't have with your stxh - may he be covered in honey and encounter a fire ant hill (😁). Fourth, pregnancy, birth, and post partum will make a big hit to your financial plans and building a career. Someone can be a truly lovely person, and still not be compatible as a life partner. I am not a fan of stringing people along in the hopes they change their mind about a major issue like this.

 

[fairfarmhand]

5 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

I feel like you missed a memo. He literally said, “my goal in life is to make a family.” He said that on Tuesday. There was no wiggle room in anything he said. 

To keep going on dates would probably be a disservice to us both. 

I feel like if he’s going to change his mind I don’t need to be there. He needs to weigh his options without someone standing there holding their breath. 

I’m trying to practice dating that brings me peace. This was starting to bring me confusion and heartache. 

If you love someone let them go. Blah blah. If it’s meant to be it will work out. I’m not gonna kick myself over it. 

The last thing he told me was that if I ever need help don’t hesitate to call him. He’ll drop anything. 

This. This is it.

I honor how hard this decision is and how you are standing firm on what your values and goals are, even if this is difficult. I think you're doing the right thing.

[heartlikealion]

3 hours ago, fairfarmhand said:

This. This is it.

I honor how hard this decision is and how you are standing firm on what your values and goals are, even if this is difficult. I think you're doing the right thing.

Unrelated to us, he has a vacation coming up. So I’m sure he’ll have plenty of time to reflect but I won’t hold my breath. At the end of the day I just want everyone to be happy and no one to feel like a consolation prize. I couldn’t shake the consolation prize feeling which is why I couldn’t just go with the flow. 

[heartlikealion]

We were supposed to attend goth prom together (May 18). I don’t know if he’ll go at all but I might still go. I’ve always been curious. It’s an annual thing. “Prom of Doom” 😂

[heartlikealion]

I went to the prom event. I told him I was going. He took that as a “stay away” move but it wasn’t. I saw his friend and introduced myself. We hit it off and hung out all night. But we left the event (the music didn’t even match the way it was marketed). She’s my friend now lol also thinks he’s being stupid letting me go haha. 
So if nothing else, I got a new girlfriend out of this failed romance. 

[heartlikealion]

We saw each other at another event and spoke all night and hung out part of the weekend. We know we’re not compatible due to differing life goals (kids) but we might try to continue to spend time together. I don’t know, what a mess. We rode bikes all over the city, watched a parade, read our books in each other’s company, and more. It’s bittersweet. 

[Scarlett]

15 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

We saw each other at another event and spoke all night and hung out part of the weekend. We know we’re not compatible due to differing life goals (kids) but we might try to continue to spend time together. I don’t know, what a mess. We rode bikes all over the city, watched a parade, read our books in each other’s company, and more. It’s bittersweet. 

I am over here SMH, because he is going to have a difficult finding this mythical age appropriate woman who wants to have his child while he is spending most of his free time with the age appropriate woman he appears to be fond of who does not want more children.