Perimenopause and anger?

[lauraw4321]

I'm pretty much just angry all the time. I can sometimes get over it or out of it, but it is nearly always there, in the background. 

DH said to be that he's scared that our kids will want to avoid us when they are adults because of my anger. That was a wake up call.

My anger feels both justified but also something that I don't know what or how to deal with. Most weekends I try to stay very busy and away from everyone because I know it's a problem. 

I'm going to talk to my therapist about it (of course), but I'm wondering how much if any of it might be hormonal? I've started having perimenopause symptoms. Anyone else experience something similar? I have been on the same antidepressant for many years and I'm wondering if that might need to change?

Other ideas?

[almondbutterandjelly]

Absolutely.  That's why I went on birth control pills.  Took care of it.

[Carol in Cal.]

I had this all through peri.  I took borage oil capsules and that took care of it completely.  

[regentrude]

Oh yes! Irrational, out of proportion anger was my main perimenopause symptom.

Tons of physical exertion outdoors helps somewhat.  As does recognizing the pattern; mine was worst right before a period.

[fairfarmhand]

Yes, talk to your therapist and physician. I'm glad youre doing something about it. My dh's mother had a hysterectomy when he was 15. Her anger during his teen years led to a lot of hard feelings and horrible memories for many many years between the two of them. If you lose it, be sure to make things right. Anger can be justified, but the way that I often choose to handle my anger can't be. 

It helps me to know that anger is a feeling that I don't have to act on. 

I'm on the pill for various perimenopause stuff. Are you sleeping? That makes it doubly hard for me to manage my feelings when I'm dealing with hot flashes and night sweats.

[Katy]

My mom had this. She had a lot of relief from a progesterone only birth control pill. She stayed on it until blood tests indicated she was through menopause. 

[regentrude]

15 minutes ago, Katy said:

My mom had this. She had a lot of relief from a progesterone only birth control pill. She stayed on it until blood tests indicated she was through menopause. 

This is time for my PSA about progesterone. Be very very careful if you already suffer from depression. I used topical progesterone cream, and that tiny dollop gave me the bleakest, scariest episode I ever had. I can't imagine what ingestion would have done.

[lauraw4321]

Thank you so much, Hive. You're like the older sister I never had. I really appreciate it. 

[MEmama]

Yep. The anger is **unreal**.

After suffering silently for way too long, I finally started an antidepressant (the depression and anxiety were seriously scary) and that's helped a lot. I've gone from basically mute and hiding under covers + throwing things across the house and screaming uncontrollably into the void to a reasonably DGAF version of myself. 
 

The anger and anxiety are still there, but they are simmering rather than explosive. I think if I can get out of bed and be reasonably productive (do dishes and laundry, maybe make dinner, do my part time job), I'm doing okay for now. A good day has me keeping in touch with a friend, or cleaning the house. 

Im not sure how I feel about HRT. I talked to my doctor recently and she isn't a fan; her first line of defense, as it were, is an antidepressant but she's willing to prescribe HRT if desired. I'm sticking with what I'm doing for now, but keeping in mind it might all change at any time. From what I understand we could have a decade or more of this BS. No wonder no one one warned us.

[MEmama]

2 minutes ago, lauraw4321 said:

Thank you so much, Hive. You're like the older sister I never had. I really appreciate it. 

Community is *everything*. If you do Reddit, r/menopause is incredible. Knowing we're not alone has literally saved me.

[GoVanGogh]

My mom walked out and left us when I was a teenager. I never understood that. Then I went through peri menopause and, while I still couldn’t make sense of her leaving us, I understood it. My mom would have been around peri menopause age when she left. When I was going through it, I remember telling my spouse and doctor that my skin always hurt, like it hurt to be in my skin and that angered me. 
I think it does help to think of peri menopause as the reverse of puberty, when hormones are raging and there aren’t enough words to express all the angst. 

[busymama7]

Consider bioidentical progesterone. 

[kbutton]

1 hour ago, regentrude said:

This is time for my PSA about progesterone. Be very very careful if you already suffer from depression. I used topical progesterone cream, and that tiny dollop gave me the bleakest, scariest episode I ever had. I can't imagine what ingestion would have done.

Similar experience here, and it also flaked out my blood sugar (made it soar).

There is no consensus on progesterone if there is a family history of blood clots, though estrogen is a bit no for people at risk. Lots of people are at risk and don’t know—know your family history if it’s accessible, know your history (migraines, etc. raise risk), and know the signs and symptoms of a clot.

My cortisol is high as well as my estrogen, and I think that makes the anger worse.

My elders said not being able to suffer fools is the definitive sign that you’re in perimenopause.

[Mom_to3]

Yes, that is unfortunately a symptom. 

[ScoutTN]

Acupuncture can handle that symptom, along with hot flashes etc. It helped me feel like myself again, not like my evil twin. 

[Ginevra]

I had that. Treatment for breast cancer cured it, though I can’t recommend that approach. 

[Ginevra]

There’s a scene in the Harry Potter movie, Order of the Phoenix, where Harry tells Sirius he’s afraid he’s becoming bad and that he, “…feel so angry, all the time!” That line always makes me think, “I get you, man.” 

Edited November 14, 2023 by Ginevra
Yes, phone, I really mean Sirius

[KatieJ]

Someone I am very close to went thru anger issues since she started menstruating. Brith control pills, depression and anxiety meds, etc for years. She was happiest when she was pregnant.

 

 

She has been on bio identical  hormones for 6 months and she is off all the other meds.

[hshibley]

2 hours ago, regentrude said:

Oh yes! Irrational, out of proportion anger was my main perimenopause symptom.

Tons of physical exertion outdoors helps somewhat.  As does recognizing the pattern; mine was worst right before a period.

Physical exercise (hard and a lot) helped me. Recognizing that my anger was out of proportion to the situation helped me remain silent when that was the most appropriate response. Also having friends my own age helped tremendously - shared suffering. I don’t know your family size but sometimes those of us with large families tend to spend the most time with moms the age of our youngest children (I’m 55 my youngest is 11). As I get older I more appreciate friends my age we share more in common. 

[KSera]

2 hours ago, MEmama said:

Im not sure how I feel about HRT. I talked to my doctor recently and she isn't a fan; her first line of defense, as it were, is an antidepressant but she's willing to prescribe HRT if desired.

There’s a lot of more recent research on HRT that modifies what a lot of doctors learned in med school. Kbutton has some good warnings for those with clot risks, but there are also cardio protective aspects of hrt, so it’s mixed. But it’s very helpful for quality of life for a lot of people, often with less side effects than SSRIs.

[MEmama]

4 minutes ago, KSera said:

There’s a lot of more recent research on HRT that modifies what a lot of doctors learned in med school. Kbutton has some good warnings for those with clot risks, but there are also cardio protective aspects of hrt, so it’s mixed. But it’s very helpful for quality of life for a lot of people, often with less side effects than SSRIs.

Yeah, I'm open to it eventually, I just need to learn a lot more. In general I'm wary--I was on birth control for around a year at 15-16 yo and then never took it again (no side effects, I just didn't like the idea), but also I understand hormones can be beneficial. I wish my mother was more honest and trustworthy about her health and experiences, but it's not to be. I don't know any other women in my family of origin, unfortunately. 

[Sunshine State Sue]

4 hours ago, regentrude said:

Irrational, out of proportion anger was my main perimenopause symptom.

Ditto.

I remember driving down the road and the car in front of me had a flag flapping out the window and it irritated me. And if a flag flapping out a car window irritated me, what do you think dh and ds were doing to me?

For me, a few appts with an acupuncturist made a remarkable difference. Also, an herbal concoction called Change of Life at a local natural product store.

[Scarlett]

Mine was anxiety. I called it creeping anxiety because I could feel it move up my body into my hair, crawling like bugs. 
 

I took a small dose of hrt for a couple of years and then an  even smaller fuse for another year. 

[Shoeless]

Yes, anxiety and white, hot, anger. It didn't help that I'd had a falling out with my FOO and then lockdown happened.  I felt like I was drowning, every day. 

Birth control helped a LOT. My quality of life is so much better now.

I have a lot of empathy for tweens and teens hitting puberty. 

[Melanie32]

Yes! I’ve never been one to struggle much with anger until perimenopause. I hate it and don’t feel like myself at all much of the time and sometimes I’m scared that I’m turning into a different person! But then I’ll get some relief and feel normal for a little while and am reminded that it’s just hormones. 
 

My perimenopausal symptoms come and go, thankfully. If the anger were sticking around all the time for an extended period of time, I would definitely seek help. Mine had been more common as of late. I’ve been experiencing it on and off again for about 5 years now. For the first year or two I would get so angry whenever I had to wait in line for anything and it was so bazaar and unlike me! Thankfully that passed. 
 

I’ve found it extremely helpful to exercise, do yoga, clean and do yard work when I’m really struggling with anger. It helps. I’ve also cut out a lot of caffeine and that’s made a huge difference. I drink mostly decaf with a bit of caffeinated coffee thrown. I still get angry but it’s easier to control without the caffeine.