I think I made a mistake

[TexasProud]

37 minutes ago, Rosie_0801 said:

So Tex, when do you feel - is entitled the right word? - to veg out? 

 

Rosie and everyone really.  If I were to spend a whole day doing nothing, I would be totally okay with it.  If I was productive 4 or 5 days out of the week and "wasted" 2 or 3, I would be fine.  Actually, without my husband around, I would feel great just working hard until noon and then doing fun stuff the rest of the day every day.  Any of those scenarios feel normal to me.  

The issue is that isn't what happens.  I take a day off and not only am I watching movies, but I am bored and fixing all kinds of bad crap:  pancakes where you put pads of butter and a couple of tablespoons of sugar in them (from my childhood. Mom made them that way.), making the entire inside of a French Silk Pie and eating the entire thing within 24 hours which totally tears up my digestion, but I seem to do it anyway.  I will lie on the couch or in my bed eating and watching tv.  Or being on here.  The next day, I will think, today I am going to be productive, but then I get on here or turn on the tv or whatever.  

If I were to spend 3 out of the 4 weeks like that before I got into panic mode to clean house and get a few things done on the last week or half a week, I would have completely gained back all of the weight I lost and possibly added more, which would make me feel even worse about myself.  I stayed home instead of serving to rest, yes, but also to work on some of those projects I just cannot seem to get done. Do I need to be productive 24/7.  Absolutely not.  But I will feel horrible about myself when it is over if I do that. I am not sure how to prevent it. 

 

Edited July 11, 2023 by TexasProud

[Melissa Louise]

I guess if I felt unable to prevent it, I'd be curious about why.

Maybe I'd set up a little writing dialogue with that part of myself that could overpower me, and make me gain weight.

I'd feel interested in this part of myself. It's a bit wild and chaotic, and that makes it more compelling as a subject.

I might treat the weeks as a science experiment. Here's my hypothesis, here's my record of what happened each day, and here's how I felt at the end. Were there any surprises?

What if you gave yourself permission to let it happen?

I wonder if you did, how that would change the seemingly compulsive energy of eating and binging on 'things that are no good'.

 

 

[Melissa Louise]

You are inspiring me to write about loving the inside of a French silk pie. 

I don't know what that is, so I'm going to have to bake one to find out. 

[TexasProud]

Just now, Melissa Louise said:

You are inspiring me to write about loving the inside of a French silk pie. 

I don't know what that is, so I'm going to have to bake one to find out. 

LOL.. no baking.  You take a stick of butter and mix it with sugar.  Then you put some melted bitter chocolate in it. You put a couple of eggs in it and beat it really well.  Then you put it in the fridge.

Some people don't put eggs in it because of the danger of.. ( salmonella...something like that)

Normally you put it in a regular pie crust and put whipping cream on top of it...not Cool Whip, the real thing.  Cool whip would make it too sweet. 

[fairfarmhand]

Are you like me? I’m someone who if I get started, I’ll stay productive but if I start out the day unmotivated I’ll be a slug.

so, in your shoes, I would schedule something out of the house with people in the morning so I would get going first thing and then I could ride the wave of energy for a decent part of the day.

(This could  be anything that gets me out of the house and interacting on a schedule—calling the nursing home and telling them I’m dropping flowers by at 9 am, or a dr appointment or making an appointment to get the car serviced or planning coffee with a neighbor)

[Melissa Louise]

3 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

LOL.. no baking.  You take a stick of butter and mix it with sugar.  Then you put some melted bitter chocolate in it. You put a couple of eggs in it and beat it really well.  Then you put it in the fridge.

Some people don't put eggs in it because of the danger of.. ( salmonella...something like that)

Normally you put it in a regular pie crust and put whipping cream on top of it...not Cool Whip, the real thing.  Cool whip would make it too sweet. 

OMG, no wonder you eat the whole thing!

I think you should make it, enjoy it and write about how it feels to truly enjoy it.

[Pam in CT]

application of the scientific method (with a bit of poetry on top)

8 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:

I guess if I felt unable to prevent it, I'd be curious about why.

Maybe I'd set up a little writing dialogue with that part of myself that could overpower me, and make me gain weight.

I'd feel interested in this part of myself. It's a bit wild and chaotic, and that makes it more compelling as a subject.

I might treat the weeks as a science experiment. Here's my hypothesis, here's my record of what happened each day, and here's how I felt at the end. Were there any surprises?

What if you gave yourself permission to let it happen?

I wonder if you did, how that would change the seemingly compulsive energy of eating and binging on 'things that are no good'.

 

 

This sounds like an excellent idea, both for its therapeutic potential and as a writing prompt.

 

 

[TexasProud]

3 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said:

Are you like me? I’m someone who if I get started, I’ll stay productive but if I start out the day unmotivated I’ll be a slug.

so, in your shoes, I would schedule something out of the house with people in the morning so I would get going first thing and then I could ride the wave of energy for a decent part of the day.

(This could  be anything that gets me out of the house and interacting on a schedule—calling the nursing home and telling them I’m dropping flowers by at 9 am, or a dr appointment or making an appointment to get the car serviced or planning coffee with a neighbor)

Yes, exactly.  I will just have to figure out what that is... All of my friends will be gone that first week to youth camp. So much is closed down for the summer. But I will look at it.  Actually, though, I hate to waste those good writing hours.  A brand new coffee shop opened in town ( small town, not a chain, looks beautiful in an older downtown building) and I thought about figuring out if I could make myself go there to write in the morning. 

[marbel]

6 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

Yes, exactly.  I will just have to figure out what that is... All of my friends will be gone that first week to youth camp. So much is closed down for the summer. But I will look at it.  Actually, though, I hate to waste those good writing hours.  A brand new coffee shop opened in town ( small town, not a chain, looks beautiful in an older downtown building) and I thought about figuring out if I could make myself go there to write in the morning. 

Yes, do it! That is a great way to get your day started, welcome a new business, and get some writing done. There is no downside to this.

Set a date, go, and report back here.

[Carol in Cal.]

39 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

LOL.. no baking.  You take a stick of butter and mix it with sugar.  Then you put some melted bitter chocolate in it. You put a couple of eggs in it and beat it really well.  Then you put it in the fridge.

Some people don't put eggs in it because of the danger of.. ( salmonella...something like that)

Normally you put it in a regular pie crust and put whipping cream on top of it...not Cool Whip, the real thing.  Cool whip would make it too sweet. 

Yeah, no, mine is even more decadent.  Same filling but on a sweet meringue crust with grated walnuts baked into it.  Then filled.  Then topped with whipped cream sweetened with kahlua.

[Rosie_0801]

41 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

 A brand new coffee shop opened in town ( small town, not a chain, looks beautiful in an older downtown building) and I thought about figuring out if I could make myself go there to write in the morning. 

A charitable act indeed. They could use the business.

 

 

So Melissa will write an ode to the silk pie, and I think Tex needs to write one to the hills hoist. 

The movement of hanging a load of washing is one of the first steps towards health and morale I can make myself take when I'm recovering.

[Innisfree]

Okay, I’ve just caught up (mostly) with this thread. I don’t think I have an awful lot to contribute, but for reading material, I have the same problem of going through books too fast (though I don’t avoid the things you do). The old classics work for me: Vanity Fair; the Brontes; Dickens. 

In the semi-modern realm, I really love the Forsyte Chronicles, all nine books and assorted interludes. There’s plenty to sink your teeth into.

Since you enjoy children’s and YA books, if you’re not familiar with them and like historical fiction, give Rosemary Sutcliff’s books a try. They’re really not just for kids. I particularly like her kinda-sorta realistic Arthurian story, Sword at Sunset. I can’t swear there aren’t any curse words, but there won’t be any of the modern variety. Go back and read Little Women, Robinson Crusoe and Heidi, and Ivanhoe. (Little Women, of course, has lots of references to Pilgrim’s Progress, and some to Vanity Fair, so you could tackle those as a unit. Some nineteenth century kids did some serious reading. Then move on to the rest of the Alcott books if you want more).

[Pam in CT]

re airing the laundry

10 hours ago, Rosie_0801 said:

...The movement of hanging a load of washing is one of the first steps towards health and morale I can make myself take when I'm recovering.

I read this sentence four times and I still can't definitely decide if it's literal or metaphoric.  It works either way.

[Laura Corin]

1 hour ago, Pam in CT said:

re airing the laundry

I read this sentence four times and I still can't definitely decide if it's literal or metaphoric.  It works either way.

Sounds literal to me. Hanging clothes outside, watching the weather, bringing them in, shaking and folding.  There's a rhythm to it.

[Pam in CT]

physical sensory... interior catharsis of airing the laundry

Quote

...The movement of hanging a load of washing is one of the first steps towards health and morale I can make myself take when I'm recovering.

2 minutes ago, Laura Corin said:

Sounds literal to me. Hanging clothes outside, watching the weather, bringing them in, shaking and folding.  There's a rhythm to it.

Yes, and also the words "movement" and "step" both strongly suggest physical sensory meaning.

Airing one's laundry is so strong a trope though; and the disinclination to do it is such a strong taboo, particularly when one feels the laundry is dirty; and that disinclination has been so very evident in this thread. And healing is so often all about washing out the taint of shame and secrets and coming out into the fresh open air.

For me it works either way, as often happens when poetic souls speak. 

 

(Likes for Rosie, Likes for Rosie, We Want Likes for Rosie...)

[Laura Corin]

27 minutes ago, Pam in CT said:

physical sensory... interior catharsis of airing the laundry

Yes, and also the words "movement" and "step" both strongly suggest physical sensory meaning.

Airing one's laundry is so strong a trope though; and the disinclination to do it is such a strong taboo, particularly when one feels the laundry is dirty; and that disinclination has been so very evident in this thread. And healing is so often all about washing out the taint of shame and secrets and coming out into the fresh open air.

For me it works either way, as often happens when poetic souls speak. 

 

(Likes for Rosie, Likes for Rosie, We Want Likes for Rosie...)

I think the vocabulary 'hanging' suggests that Rosie, like a lot of Australians, doesn't use a-tumble dryer.

[fairfarmhand]

17 hours ago, TexasProud said:

Yes, exactly.  I will just have to figure out what that is... All of my friends will be gone that first week to youth camp. So much is closed down for the summer. But I will look at it.  Actually, though, I hate to waste those good writing hours.  A brand new coffee shop opened in town ( small town, not a chain, looks beautiful in an older downtown building) and I thought about figuring out if I could make myself go there to write in the morning. 

I want to encourage you to look at your tendencies and personality traits as features and not bugs. Yes, you and I are going to fall into the hole of self harm (overeating, not getting the things done we need to do) if we don't learn to work around some of our personality traits, but these things can also be gifts and an essential part of who we are. 

For instance, your lack of a structured life was a real blessing to the girls who stayed with you a few weeks ago. Of course, it did leave you at loose ends in your own personal life, but they benefitted from that. It was a blessing to them! 

My own lack of structure means that my kids or friends can call me at pretty much any time and ask for help or just for fun and I'll be up for it. Of course, that can bite me in the butt, like it did with Covid. (I was a wreck because I need the out of the house time to stay productive or I snowball into very unhealthy habits) But it can also be a good thing.

It's not evil or good to have this particular personality style. It's what you do with it.

I have learned "hacks" for my personality. Like going to the YMCA gets me out of the house, and just that one hour that is accounted for during the day gets me moving. Yeah, I know you don't have a YMCA, but I know you can probably work things like that into your day. 

My dh's driven personality has gotten him where he is. HE's very successful. But sometimes, he can't sleep when there's a particular issue he can't solve and he struggles sometimes with personal relationships because he can't fix everything with the people in his life. This drivenness may give him a stroke or heart attack some day. 

Please try to stop hating on yourself because you're different from other people and you have to learn tips and trick to push yourself into doing what's healthy and productive for you. Not everyone is self motivated and some of us need outside structures to force us into doing what's best for us. Programs like weight watchers and the Tackling thread on WTM exist for this reason. You're not the only one who needs that and it's okay. You're not a horrible person with poor character because you struggle in this area. We all have struggles and that's fine. 

I think if you could approach your dissatisfaction with yourself with a mindset of "I struggle with this and need some tricks to help keep me on track" vs. "I'm a disgusting, horrible, lazy person who is a failure because she can't white knuckle things in ways that it seems other people can."  You might have more success. We can't hate ourselves into good health and a happy life. 

So if you struggle with bingeing (I do from time to time) ask for tips on how to deal with that tantalizing urge, especially when you are alone.  Not because you or I are ***insert whatever horrible thing my brain wants to label me as*** but because we need hacks to learn to short circuit our natural cravings.

(BTW, I struggle with bingeing when I am alone as well. For me, it's not that I need the outside accountability because my dh or someone will see me and be ashamed of me or fuss at me. Rather, when I am alone I either "bored eat" or start feeling anxious and can't escape my anxiety because nobody is there to distract me, so I eat my feelings. Rather than deal with those feelings, it's easier to start stuffing my face. Sweets give me that dopamine rush.--yes a scientific fact that sweets make our brains feel good. And that's what I'm craving. Because it feels SOOOO GOOD to eat those delicious things. )

Bingeing is often a matter of biology and we have to figure out ways to manage those urges. 

You are not a horrible person. You are not lazy. You are not less than. 

You are worthy. You are good enough. You are beautiful. I'm sure you are a wonderful friend, wife, and mother. And that includes your faults and flaws.

Imperfectly beautiful.

Flawed and still fabulous.

[TexasProud]

Thank you @fairfarmhand😘❤️

[Denise in IN]

13 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said:

Please try to stop hating on yourself because you're different from other people and you have to learn tips and trick to push yourself into doing what's healthy and productive for you. Not everyone is self motivated and some of us need outside structures to force us into doing what's best for us. Programs like weight watchers and the Tackling thread on WTM exist for this reason. You're not the only one who needs that and it's okay. You're not a horrible person with poor character because you struggle in this area. We all have struggles and that's fine/

I think if you could approach your dissatisfaction with yourself with a mindset of "I struggle with this and need some tricks to help keep me on track" vs. "I'm a disgusting, horrible, lazy person who is a failure because she can't white knuckle things in ways that it seems other people can."  You might have more success. We can't hate ourselves into good health and a happy life.

So if you struggle with bingeing (I do from time to time) ask for tips on how to deal with that tantalizing urge, especially when you are alone.  Not because you or I are ***insert whatever horrible thing my brain wants to label me as*** but because we need hacks to learn to short circuit our natural cravings.

Bingeing is often a matter of biology and we have to figure out ways to manage those urges. 

You are not a horrible person. You are not lazy. You are not less than. 

You are worthy. You are good enough. You are beautiful. I'm sure you are a wonderful friend, wife, and mother. And that includes your faults and flaws.

Imperfectly beautiful.

Flawed and still fabulous.

Because one like is not nearly enough to express how good this whole response is, just quoting to highlight some key parts.  This is so wise, and so true!

"You are not a horrible person. You are not lazy. You are not less than. 

You are worthy. You are good enough. You are beautiful. I'm sure you are a wonderful friend, wife, and mother. And that includes your faults and flaws."

Edited July 11, 2023 by Denise in IN

[freesia]

5 hours ago, Laura Corin said:

Sounds literal to me. Hanging clothes outside, watching the weather, bringing them in, shaking and folding.  There's a rhythm to it.

Yes! I find the rhythmic act of hanging clothes out on the line to be very soothing. Texas, maybe you should hang some clothes out. Productive, yet soothing. It might hit all the places. If you don’t have a line, putting one up is a pro to solve that might shake your head loose. 

[math teacher]

@TexasProudthe coffee shop idea is a great one!! A lot of your activities are things that you can/must do at home, so going to the coffee shop will break this up. If you could get into nature at the while you were out, that would be even better, but I know what Texas is like right now (actually it's rotten most of the time with the humidity.)

[TexasProud]

9 hours ago, Innisfree said:

 

In the semi-modern realm, I really love the Forsyte Chronicles, all nine books and assorted interludes. There’s plenty to sink your teeth into.

Since you enjoy children’s and YA books, if you’re not familiar with them and like historical fiction, give Rosemary Sutcliff’s books a try. They’re really not just for kids. I particularly like her kinda-sorta realistic Arthurian story, Sword at Sunset. I can’t swear there aren’t any curse words, but there won’t be any of the modern variety. Go back and read Little Women, Robinson Crusoe and Heidi, and Ivanhoe. (Little Women, of course, has lots of references to Pilgrim’s Progress, and some to Vanity Fair, so you could tackle those as a unit. Some nineteenth century kids did some serious reading. Then move on to the rest of the Alcott books if you want more).

I will check out the Forsyte Chronicles.  I have quite a few Rosemary Sutcliff's books on my shelves. Yeah, I tend to read Little Women every few years.  I have an excellent hardbound book for that one.  I don't know that I own Ivanhoe, so I may have to get that one.  Thanks for the suggestions.