Sports/extracurriculars in the early years

[Momof4sweetkids]

My oldest DD is 5 and I'm considering gymnastics or dance for her in the fall. I think she'd like it but we live 30 min from any classes (or other sports) so I'm trying to decide if we start then or wait. DH and I both did recreational sports and enjoyed them. I don't see us becoming an intense sports family. DH thinks she could do dance/gymnastics for the fall season and then stop until the next fall like soccer but idk if that would just have her behind every year.

 

Did you start your kids' sports young? Anything you would have done differently?

[Clarita]

DS has been doing baseball since he was 2. Not because I'm gunning for superstardom for him or anything, it was just because I needed him to have a safe place to throw balls. 

For that sport there are two different things you can do a league with teams/games and skills-based stuff. I feel like the skills-based stuff especially for young kids there is no behind. They just sort of coach you through where-ever you are at and there is less feeling of being behind. Where as the league more team/competition/games the "behind" ness is more pronounced. Both because you are doing a lot more competing/games and also because there are a lot more parents/coaches who mention the level of skill kids have. 

I think even for dance/gymnastics there are more recreational places and more competitive places and I would 100% suggest picking a recreational place vs. competitive place. 

[HomeAgain]

Oldest ds wasn't interested much beyond the social part at that age.  He did a different activity every few months because he just didn't click with one thing.  I only insisted he spent time in swim lessons every summer.  It was good for him (and us!) to find things that had short commitments to see if he actually liked it or not.

Youngest ds was hyper rules oriented.  We did not put him in sports until age 7, because he was the child who would have had a meltdown at others on his team "not doing it right". We let him do classes/clinics, but no competition, until he was old enough to separate his ideals from the concept that everyone was learning.  He entered his current sport "late", learning to skate at age 7/8, then learning to play hockey after that.  Up until age 9, they're all pretty much learning at their own level.  By age 10, children become less kind to the ones they feel are holding them back.  That's actually an attitude ds responds positively to and worked his rear end off.

Our initial rule for activities is one year long, one short term is allowed at a time.  That gave our kids the ability to do two things at once, but one has the opportunity for real growth and one has the opportunity for exposure.  And they can change at any time after the commitment is up.  Over the years that rule changed, but it was important to keep it really lowkey at the beginning.  I never wanted to feel like i was "investing" in my kid's future with these things.  I was just making sure they were well-rounded.

[Vasha]

There are virtual dance classes that our 4 year old girl enjoys available at outschool.com that might be an option.

[Clemsondana]

Our kids started doing something at 4-5.  Some activities are easy to start at any age, while with others it's hard to be a beginner after age 8 or so.  After each season we stopped and talked with the kids about whether they wanted to continue or whether to try something new or if they wanted a break.  Normally we took summers off except for maybe a day camp.  We did something during the whole school year.  My kids did 2 things each usually a sport or dance and then something different - music for one, scouts for the other.  We wanted them to try different thiings if they wanted to so that they could see what they enjoyed.  One kid mostly kept with the same things, while the other tried several different activities before settling into a few favorites.  

[ScoutTN]

My kids did a sampling of various sports or physical activities through the elementary years. Never all year long. Rarely in the spring when we mostly just played outside. Only rec level, until Ds went to ps in 9th. We had homeschool PE at the YMCA for several years, which was great!
 

Dd started ballet at 5 and has danced for fun and recreation til now, almost 18. She also tried soccer and basketball.

Dd played a little baseball, then fell in love with flag football. He’s played rec basketball too. He’s now in ps and plays football and lacrosse - he’s a contact sports kid. 
 

Both kids did several summers of swim team after having lessons and learning the basics. Best thing ever for developing strong, confident swimmers. Our pool is great and the coaches are super fun. 
 

No regrets!

Edited April 9, 2023 by ScoutTN

[Momof4sweetkids]

Thanks everyone, these are helpful thoughts! I like the idea of dabbling in different things for seasons until she's older. 

[ScoutTN]

Swimming was my non-negotiable, because it’s a safety issue. We started lessons around age 3 and joined summer swim team when they were 6 and 8. 

Edited April 9, 2023 by ScoutTN

[bookbard]

Do what is easiest for you. For example, we've never done horseriding lessons because we know we couldn't afford it long term. We did kiddy dance but never went further - we are not able to put in the time and money that real dance parents can. Dabbling when they're young is a great idea to get a picture of what's out there and what kind of commitment is necessary. We're in Australia, so swimming is 100% necessary, and so we've committed to that for years (but not competitive, which is daily 5am starts). We've also done Scouts (which is not religious in Australia) but not felt like we've had to do everything - if there's a camp that doesn't suit or a fundraiser we can't do, we don't do it. Basically there are so many options out there that you can end up burning out. We've done music, dance, gymnastics, soccer, scouts, art classes, martial arts . . . all these things take up a lot of time, so there's a cost even apart from money. And another thing - you'll be surprised what ends up being their 'thing'. We've done music lessons for years on years but neither of them are keen at all. I don't regret it - I think a good music education is worthwhile - but it's been a lot of effort and I wish I hadn't felt I needed to start at age four. 

[ScoutTN]

We knew we wanted our kids to be involved in scouting and music and those were higher on our list than organized sports. For both time and money. Our kids had loads of outdoor, unstructured play all the way through the elementary years. 

We started piano at age 7 and scouting at 3rd grade. Dd went all the way through with both. Ds dropped piano in 7th and scouts in 9th. Sports are his ECs now, which is fine. 

We also knew that midweek church would be a priority for our family and did not let anything else impinge on that time. 

Edited April 10, 2023 by ScoutTN

[alysee]

For us we don't start any recreational thing until age 5 except for swimming because that is a safety issue. We also only allowed one activity per kid for a while. This may sound harsh but for us we didn't allow any competitive tracks unless we see that they have a natural talent. Everything has been local/recreational My kids have changed activities a few times. 

My 1st dd was in ballet from 5-10. At almost 13 she now does Equestrian.

My 2nd dd was in Girl Guides we moved to Ontario in 2019 and she now does Equestrian with her sister. 

One of my boys has done karate since he was 5. His twin changes activities every 2 years. He has done Archery, karate, gymnastics.

My 5th kid just turned 5 at the end of March and has started Girl Guides. She started her swimming lessons late thanks to covid and only started them this past October. 

[Brittany1116]

Our older boy waited until 5 to start because he just seemed too little to me. Younger one started at 3 because we were already going to be at the fields and it made more sense to include him instead of wrangle him. Aside from 2020 and 2021, they have both played spring and fall until this year. Right now, younger is in soccer and older is waiting til fall for flag football (his last year eligible and under his favorite coach). This was equal parts finances, schedule, and his lack of desire to play baseball or soccer this season. 

[Momto6inIN]

Prefacing this by saying I am not slamming people who choose differently than I do. We all find fulfillment for our families in different ways. You do you, and I sincerely hope you rock it!

Now for my unpopular opinion: EC's for children under age about 10 are more about what parents want than about what kids need and most kids are in waaaaay too many. Their purpose should be exposure and physical movement, both of which can be done at home and/or recreationally. The purpose should not be "what can get us to the next level". There are a few exceptions/child prodigies but those are few and far between and chances are very high that your kid - as well as my kid and probably all the kids we both personally know - are not one of them.

So, with that in mind - we did what seemed doable for me as a mom and what didn't wreck the family schedule/routine as a whole.

Having large amounts of unstructured time and figuring out worthwhile things to do with it on their own is one of the joys of childhood!

Edited because pronouns/antecedents are important

Edited April 10, 2023 by Momto6inIN

[Momof4sweetkids]

1 hour ago, Momto6inIN said:

Prefacing this by saying I am not slamming people who choose differently than I do. We all find fulfillment for our families in different ways. You do you, and I sincerely hope you rock it!

Now for my unpopular opinion: EC's for children under age about 10 are more about what parents want than about what kids need and most kids are in waaaaay too many. Their purpose should be exposure and physical movement, both of which can be done at home and/or recreationally. The purpose should not be "what can get us to the next level". There are a few exceptions/child prodigies but those are few and far between and chances are very high that your kid - as well as my kid and probably all the kids we both personally know - are not one of them.

So, with that in mind - we did what seemed doable for me as a mom and what didn't wreck the family schedule/routine as a whole.

Having large amounts of unstructured time and figuring out worthwhile things to do with on their own is one of the joys of childhood!

I think this is what I'm processing through. It's pretty common for kinders to be in multiple activities where I live so I worry I'm making her miss out. But it would also be a lot for me to add much more out of the house.

 

I also like other's suggestions of swim lessons as the sport. She definitely needs those.

[medawyn]

1 hour ago, Momto6inIN said:

Prefacing this by saying I am not slamming people who choose differently than I do. We all find fulfillment for our families in different ways. You do you, and I sincerely hope you rock it!

Now for my unpopular opinion: EC's for children under age about 10 are more about what parents want than about what kids need and most kids are in waaaaay too many. Their purpose should be exposure and physical movement, both of which can be done at home and/or recreationally. The purpose should not be "what can get us to the next level". There are a few exceptions/child prodigies but those are few and far between and chances are very high that your kid - as well as my kid and probably all the kids we both personally know - are not one of them.

So, with that in mind - we did what seemed doable for me as a mom and what didn't wreck the family schedule/routine as a whole.

Having large amounts of unstructured time and figuring out worthwhile things to do with on their own is one of the joys of childhood!

Yes to this!  I have four, and I limit the amount of running around we have done as much as possible in the early years.  Swim lessons have been non-negotiable; it's an area that frustrates me to teach but we live in a place where the kids have access to lots of pools and water.  Since we can afford it, swim lessons year round!

As my kids have gotten older (and they are all still pretty young), I have let the older ones pick an activity and then (if budget and time permits), I usually sign the littles up too.  For example, our rec soccer league guarantees siblings can practice on the same night and offers a really generous sibling discount.  My oldest LOVES soccer, so boom, all four kids play, because it's one night of practice and one of three game times on Saturday.  Predictable and still gives us plenty of family time.  Dance for my girls works the same way.  The oldest really wanted to try ballet at age 9, and class times were also available for her younger sister simultaneously.  

My younger kids have definitely done activities earlier than my older.  We didn't start until 8 with the oldest, and then we signed up siblings because it was easy and fit in our budget.  I'm all about supporting a passion or extreme talent, but I mostly just have kids who enjoy it enough for a season, like the friends they meet, and move their bodies in a structured way once or twice a week.

ETA: My oldest didn't start baseball until he was almost 10, and most of the boys had already played for YEARS by then.  He really wanted to play, so we practiced in the yard, warned him that most of the boys would have lots of experience, and went for it.  The first few practices were rough, but he enjoyed it enough to stick with it despite having less experience.  You wouldn't know this season that he started 4-6 years behind most of the other kids.  I'm sure there's an age where jumping in to a sport might not be possible, but it's definitely later than today's super busy kids might lead you to believe.  And trust me when I say that my kids are not athletically gifted!

Edited April 10, 2023 by medawyn

[Clarita]

1 hour ago, medawyn said:

ETA: My oldest didn't start baseball until he was almost 10, and most of the boys had already played for YEARS by then.  He really wanted to play, so we practiced in the yard, warned him that most of the boys would have lots of experience, and went for it.  The first few practices were rough, but he enjoyed it enough to stick with it despite having less experience.  You wouldn't know this season that he started 4-6 years behind most of the other kids.  I'm sure there's an age where jumping in to a sport might not be possible, but it's definitely later than today's super busy kids might lead you to believe.  And trust me when I say that my kids are not athletically gifted!

I think it's just between the ages of 14-18 where you are either really good at a sport or you don't get to play. I think that's really sad. When you get to college and adulthood suddenly you can do the sports recreationally again and not have to be good at them. 

[AnneGG]

For us it’s more about the time commitment and money. I don’t want to sign up for any activity that requires multiple practices every week and then spending all weekend at games. We like to go on adventures and explore, and sports would really cut into that. We also value family dinner and most team sports we’ve looked into practice between 5-7pm. 
 

We’ve enjoyed swim classes, art classes, karate, bowling league, chess club, lego club, robotics, nature clubs, and ice skating lessons (rec level). Two of my children like to participate in seasonal plays at church.  They all take homeschool PE at the YMCA once a week. We go to the Y a lot actually, it’s been well worth it for us. 

[Momto6inIN]

13 minutes ago, AnneGG said:

 We also value family dinner and most team sports we’ve looked into practice between 5-7pm. 
 

Totally agree. Quality family time is exponentially more important and valuable than any EC.

[Meriwether]

8 hours ago, Momto6inIN said:

Prefacing this by saying I am not slamming people who choose differently than I do. We all find fulfillment for our families in different ways. You do you, and I sincerely hope you rock it!

Now for my unpopular opinion: EC's for children under age about 10 are more about what parents want than about what kids need and most kids are in waaaaay too many. Their purpose should be exposure and physical movement, both of which can be done at home and/or recreationally. The purpose should not be "what can get us to the next level". There are a few exceptions/child prodigies but those are few and far between and chances are very high that your kid - as well as my kid and probably all the kids we both personally know - are not one of them.

So, with that in mind - we did what seemed doable for me as a mom and what didn't wreck the family schedule/routine as a whole.

Having large amounts of unstructured time and figuring out worthwhile things to do with it on their own is one of the joys of childhood!

Edited because pronouns/antecedents are important

 

4 hours ago, Momto6inIN said:

Totally agree. Quality family time is exponentially more important and valuable than any EC.

Philosophically I mostly agree with you. Lol

And yet here we are. I do feel like family time is different for homeschoolers, especially since my kids do their main activity with their dad. The part I disagree with a bit is that kids can definitely be the ones to push for activities before age 10. My 8 year old would really love to be doing "real" ballet and gymnastics as well as TKD (real meaning full programs that are both bigger time and money commitments than what she does) if we would let her.

[Meriwether]

On 4/8/2023 at 3:04 PM, Momof3sweetgirls said:

I don't see us becoming an intense sports family. 

 

Did you start your kids' sports young? Anything you would have done differently?

You might not become an intense sports family, but, alternatively, you might. Both dance and gymnastics both have a way of becoming bigger commitments as time goes on. I never thought our lives would become heavily invested in an activity. My family does TKD, and I remember when my husband and I wondered why people would go to a tournament one hour away. 🤣🤣 On four of the five weekends before Easter, my family competed in Dallas, Minneapolis, Chicago, and Lincoln. My 16 year old also traveled to Fargo for a special training seminar the other of those five weekends. We started with going to one class per week in four 8 week sessions per year thirteen years ago.

Edited April 11, 2023 by Meriwether

[Arcadia]

My kids did recreational gymnastics to improve their balance and also to have fun. They went to Little Gym when they were toddlers until they age out of the little kids class. Then they went to a gymnastics place near our home that has recreational and competition classes. Both my kids did not walk until around 18 months old and have some balance issues. So we treat gym classes as a form of physical therapy for them. 
For swimming, my husband was unsuccessful teaching them at our condo pool so they attended swimming lessons at YMCA and at a sports complex depending on lesson schedule. Like others mentioned up thread, swimming was a non negotiable safety issue. My kids did not have any extracurriculars. They preferred to stay home and play. 

On the other hand, I am an extrovert with too much energy as a kid. My parents paid for piano, swimming, ballet, art and I still had too much time on my hands. So it’s very personality dependent. Swimming was non negotiable, the rest was to keep me out of trouble. 

[Momto6inIN]

7 hours ago, Meriwether said:

 

Philosophically I mostly agree with you. Lol

And yet here we are. I do feel like family time is different for homeschoolers, especially since my kids do their main activity with their dad. The part I disagree with a bit is that kids can definitely be the ones to push for activities before age 10. My 8 year old would really love to be doing "real" ballet and gymnastics as well as TKD (real meaning full programs that are both bigger time and money commitments than what she does) if we would let her.

Yeah, I knew it was a unpopular opinion 😂 And seriously, I'm glad for your family that it works and you find fulfillment in it!

I just wanted to push back a little bit on the growing idea that the standard of normalcy is to be sooooo busy and have little kids in sooooo many things from a young age. It doesn't have to be normal if we don't make it so.

[ScoutTN]

12 hours ago, Momto6inIN said:

Totally agree. Quality family time is exponentially more important and valuable than any EC.

For us this is a false dichotomy. We have had both. Perhaps with more than two kids it could be harder to balance? 

My kids have done various sports (All rec until Ds started ps as a high school freshman.), had piano lessons (which we actually consider part of our homeschool) and been in scouting. None of it has been overwhelming in terms of time or money and it did not wreck or steal our quality family time.  We have had fabulous fun camping together, working on and listening to music, and enjoying games and recitals. My kids have learned so much and grown through challenges that just hanging out as a family could never have given them. ECs were are huge plus in our homeschooling. 
 

 

Edited April 11, 2023 by ScoutTN

[wendyroo]

18 minutes ago, ScoutTN said:

For us this is a false dichotomy. We have had both. Perhaps with more than two kids it could be harder to balance? 

My kids have done various sports (All rec until Ds started ps as a high school freshman.), had piano lessons (which we actually consider part of our homeschool) and been in scouting. None of it has been overwhelming in terms of time or money and it did not wreck or steal our quality family time.  We have had fabulous fun camping together, working on and listening to music, and enjoying games and recitals. My kids have learned so much and grown through challenges that just hanging out as a family could never have given them. ECs were are huge plus in our homeschooling. 
 

 

I agree.

My kids are in a ton of activities, but other than occasional one-off parks and rec classes, they never interfere with family dinner or evening/weekend family time.

Now that my 9 year old is entering a lot of piano festivals and competitions, there are some Saturday commitments, but typically just for a couple hours, and DH can spend that time with the other kids. Plus, since DS's goal is to be a concert pianist, I consider his piano performances to be part of his schooling rather than extracurricular.

[HomeAgain]

22 minutes ago, ScoutTN said:

For us this is a false dichotomy. We have had both. Perhaps with more than two kids it could be harder to balance?
 

I think the more kids you have, the harder it is.  We know a family with 5 kids that all do the same activity.  At first it was fine.  The kids were grouped in large age spans.  As they got older, the requirements changed as did the commitment.  5 kids, 2x a week for 2 hours became 5 kids, each with 2-3x week at 4 different times/days.  Same place, but it got hard.  The parents and grandparents got together to divide and conquer: each took a kid or 2 and their schedule.  Right now they don't have family dinners or anything else because they all move in different directions.

I can just imagine having 5 or 6 kids and them all having different activities.  Even our rule of 1 long, 1 short would be hard to manage with any sort of commitment outside the home.

[Ting Tang]

I started my daughter out very young in an artistic sport.  At first, I didn't understand how competitive it is as my mother did it on a recreational level.  The downside to so many activities for kids these days is they have deleted defined seasons and made it all very competitive in a way that does make it harder for children to start at later ages.  My daughter started at age 3 and is now 8. 

She began as a soloist, but I felt a lot of pressure to have her be on her coach's team as I started to feel she wouldn't get the same coaching without joining.  The coach started a beginner team this year that you can be on for only a year, so we had her join that because it was supposed to be less of a commitment.  But there have been a couple of surprises, such as an extra out of state competition and looking ahead two weekly practices starting in June.  We travel 1.5-2 hours each way.  Sometimes you think something isn't going to be intense, but it turns out to be too intense for your situation. I do not want to do the team thing every year, and the beginner team is an option for only a year, then you have to move up to the one with more expense and competitions.  I don't think we can do that as a family of 6 every year. 

My sons have tried a few different things.  My oldest played t-ball, but baseball didn't last.  He also did cub scouts, but the troop disbanded.  He tried tennis young, too.  Now he's been doing Tae Kwon Do, which he started at 10 and has been doing for a year.  It is local and low key compared to my daughter's sport.  Same with my middle son, except he is doing piano, which he started at 8.  My youngest is now 6 and hasn't done anything yet.

I have seen the benefit of my daughter starting her sport on the younger side in terms of progress, even with a Covid break, but I also see the downside as this trend is pretty much with many kid activities.  They're expensive and time consuming.  

 

[ScoutTN]

16 hours ago, Momof3sweetgirls said:

I think this is what I'm processing through. It's pretty common for kinders to be in multiple activities where I live so I worry I'm making her miss out. But it would also be a lot for me to add much more out of the house.

 

I also like other's suggestions of swim lessons as the sport. She definitely needs those.

At Kindergarten, 5 or 6 years old, swimming was the only EC my kids had and that was seasonal. We had church midweek (in addition to Sundays), library story time, and some homeschool field trips. It was plenty! I loved the pace we had from babies throughout late elementary school. 
 

We chose ECs that were close to home and affordable. We added things slowly as my kids got older. We did not live at the crazy busy pace that is so common. We have had family dinner interrupted by evening activities, but not until middle and high school age. We just rearranged and made another meal our gathering for the day. Nbd. 

Honestly, outsourced classes at middle and high school ages were far more disruptive to our homeschool vibe and pace than all of our ECs combined.,

[ByGrace3]

I get that every family is different. We didn't start out intending to be a sports family but my kids bought in and are talented and competitive and here we are with 3 competitive athletes with the first graduating this year and going onto college athletics...

We started all of our kids in gymnastics at age 2-3 just for balance, exercise, socialization. My girls loved it and ended up competing for years. They eventually moved on to other sports but we are forever grateful for all they learned in gymnastics. 

I enjoy going to their sporting events. I enjoy the lessons they have learned, the self discipline, the goal setting. We are ok being a sports family. We have some boundaries to protect our family time . . . My husband doesn't love it as much as I do, but that just means I take them more than he does. 

I don't think when you sign up for gymnastics at 5 that you are making a long term commitment. Plenty of kids do recreational sports. Even when my kids were competitive when they were little, I made them try one new sport every few months to be exposed to new things and just see if they really wanted to stay with what they were doing. For the most part however, we kept it to one sport at a time and one musical instrument at a time. In the early years I just saw it as part of our homeschool --PE and Music.

[Alice]

We have done lots of different activities at different levels over the years. We prioritized evenings at home when they were littler, most of the time but had seasons where the activity interfered with dinner. I've tried to mostly let my kids drive the bus as far as how much and what they want to do. 

I required swimming and being on the summer swim team until I thought they were strong enough swimmers or about age 8. They all three got hooked and have loved swimming. An advantage of swimming as a summer sport is that it's all ages/genders together for meets and such. So our summer is very pool focused and we aren't at home much with swim meets and functions almost every day but we are all together. Even when our youngest was too little for the team she would hang out with the big kids and cheer and was sort of a team pet. 

The only other thing I've required is music because I am tone deaf and felt like musical education was important but not something I could provide as a homeschool parent. Two of my kids really enjoyed piano and continued by choice. One quit fairly early and dabbled in other instruments by his own choice. 

I don't think there is one right answer to this or one way to do it.

[ScoutTN]

Definitely one size does not fit all!

Budget, available options, location/driving, family size, kids’ interests and talents, parents’ priorities, interests, and work schedules, so many variables. 
 

I am thankful to have had many choices and to have been able to keep a good balance. Loved the pace of our toddler-late elementary years!

[gck21]

I think about this all the time, even though we've already done what we've done with our older two (at 10 and 8). It hasn't been an easy balance for us to figure out. Our two older children do 1 sport each, and we are still out of the house at dinner time at least half of the week right now.

 

Others have expressed the pros and cons that I also see, so the only thing I'd add is that I would consider your child's personality along with what you want your family life to look like. In my ideal world, I'd like my kids to run around outside with the neighborhood kids every afternoon when they are little. But, there are no neighborhood kids where we are; they are at sports and activities. I hate that 8-10 is considered "old" to start certain activities, but I can't change that for my entire area. The barrier to entry is very low when you are 5! Does your child need a low barrier? My oldest did, so I don't regret signing him up for a team sport at that age. He is not naturally a super athlete, but he works hard and has had success in his primary sport. He has also been happy to try other sports and classes in the off season without too much anxiety. He would not be the kind of child who had the passion and confidence to start activities/sports for the first time at 10 and find that experience enjoyable (or even tolerable). Yet being a decent player in a team sport has been a huge positive in his life.

 

On the other hand, my middle is a Covid kid who didn't have the opportunity to start anything at age 5, and she is totally different. She just discovered that she adores a sport, and she is the oldest in the beginner class. She is simply irritated by the 5 year olds who cry or don't pay attention, and I don't think it would ever occur to her to be embarrassed being in the beginner class while many 8 year olds are 2 or 3 levels above her. She loves whatever she is interested in at the moment.

 

Just something else to think about!

[Clemsondana]

I really think that there isn't a right way to do this.  I come from a long line of 'joiners'.  Two of my 4 grandparents played school sports.  My mom did orchestra, dance, and cheer, dad played a couple of sports.  This was at a time when they often walked to school, so minimal parental involvement was needed - my parents are in their 70s.  All of my cousins (I'm 1 of 5 on one side, 1 of 9 on the other) played a sport, cheered, or were in the band.  Spouse...his sibling ran a little bit of cross country, but otherwise they have no family history of doing any activities.  They thought nothing of driving an hour to try a new restaurant, but would never have signed their kids up for an activity if they'd have to drive 20-30 minutes to get to it.  Meanwhile, my grandmother talked about getting off work at the mill and loading the relevant teens into the car to drive 2 hours for an all-star game.  The differences in what people perceive as 'normal' are huge.

I don't think that activities necessarily affect family closeness, but they will affect family routines.  I love road trips, so I'm perfectly happy to be traveling an hour or 2 or sometimes more for the kids to compete, and we find that we are sometimes more likely to talk in the car, with no distractions or chores to occupy us, than we are at home.  That likely varies based on the personalities of the family members.  We enjoy finding diners and local restaurants to try and have gotten to know some great families.  When the kids were young, we found that the sports added structure to our days.  When the kids were too young to stay at home alone and spouse was traveling, I sometimes packed dinner and had 1:1 time with each kid while we waited for the other to do their activity.  I remember those as chaotic but good years.  But, we had friends whose response was 'I don't see how you do that', and they were happy to be home every night.  Nobody was wrong, just different.  Part of this is also influenced by the fact that my kids completed their school work relatively quickly - we were done by lunchtime most days during elementary.  They had all afternoon to play before we headed out for the evening.  We don't have nearby homeschool friends, so they were happy to get out and see other kids.  Our summers were largely unscheduled so that was also downtime.  

We always got feedback from them about whether they wanted more or less time spent on activities.  As they got to middle, we talked about what would be needed to play high school sports and told them it was up to them whether they wanted to do it.  Other than talking about the schedule, we try to give them a lot of control over their level of busyness.  That was something that my parents did and I've always been grateful, since when I went to college I was already used to doing it.   

[Clemsondana]

I'll add one more thought...from the time my kids were tiny, my husband was out of town M-F 2-3 weeks/month.  This absolutely shaped our routines.  We both grew up in families where there was a family dinner most nights.  But, with me flying solo so often, I had 2 schedules - family dinner of some sort when he was home, and a variety of different things when he was gone.  We developed different patterns to break up the 'just me and the kids' thing in the evening.  I packed picnics and we walked to the park.  We did dinner in front of a movie once/week.  I'd let them take plates out to eat in the fort part of the swingset.  In the summer we might have another mom and kids over and we'd have the kids eat outside to avoid messes.  So, it wasn't a big routine shift for us to not have family dinner.  For some families this is a really important time to catch up with each other.  For a homeschool mom with a traveling husband...it was just another meal.  I often fix the biggest meal of the day at lunchtime now.  We may or may not eat it together, depending on workload.  So, activities could lead to new schedules with good family time, or they could disrupt a good routine.