Tell me a story- everyone welcome, pull up a chair and a snack

[DawnM]

Ok, I have gotten very little sleep the last few nights.   This lingering cough is just not allowing me to get good rest.

I have to go to work in an hour or so.

Tell me a story and keep me awake today.

Here are some ideas:

• Funny things your pet has done
• Funny thing your kids have done
• things that go bump in the night and make you think your house is haunted
• An annoying thing your MIL has done
• Something embarrassing
• Something that your kids did that made you proud
• A ghost story
• A story your grandparent told you 
• A bad experience dealing with customer service

ANYTHING to keep me awake today.

THANK YOU!

[Laura Corin]

I'm sorry to hear you are so sleepless.

My mum was born in 1924.  Her parents were overseas and she was sent to boarding school in Exeter, southern England.  Exeter was bombed during the so-called Baedeker raids because it was a culturally-significant location.

She remembers, aged 18, sitting in the air-raid shelter as the sky lit up, and later the girls from another boarding house that had been hit running through the raid to join them in their shelter.  She doesn't remember it with terror - more like astonishment and wonder.

She went on to work in wartime airplane factories in Bristol, testing the electrics on bombers.  After the war, having turned down a place at Oxford, she studied at RADA and became an actress.  I'll add a photo if I can find one. 

She's alive, aged almost 97.  Still opinionated and astonished at the catastrophes of the world.

[Eos]

Once upon a time, Oldest Child was young and foolish.  He and a friend were somewhere out in the woods, or so I thought, when I heard a knock, knock, knock at the door.  Hello, dear friend and neighbor, said I and she told me YOUR BELOVED AND TERRIBLY WELL BEHAVED SON is out there throwing apples at cars.  Oh my, said I, and thanked her most deeply for this troubling and actionable information.  She departed into the dusk and I began to yell.  "OLDEST CHILD, OLDEST CHILD!"  No answer. "OLDEST CHILD, OLDEST CHILD!"  No answer.  "OLDEST CHILD, OLDEST CHILD, WHERE ARE YOU?"  And finally, faintly, carried on the wind: "WE'RE RUNNING AWAY!  YOU'RE GOING TO KILL US..."  

Edited July 22, 2021 by Harpymom

[Melissa in Australia]

My MIL grew up in Germany. she is 99  

during the war she was working as some kind of office girl in Berlin. she told me that the one day all the office staff worked frantically to shift mountains of paperwork to another building to keep it safe. that night the building that they shifted all the paperwork to was bombed 

 

My FIL, now deceased was a soldier in the German army. he was just 18 and sent to  North Africa. He said he they spend all their day marching, and dug a  hollow in the ground to sleep in at night. One day , when they woke up anyone in command was gone. all that was left were the young guys. he said they didn't know what to do. They had no food. They walked to the coast (I don't know how long it took them ) then used their hand grenades to fish. They thought of waiving down a ship but couldn't work out how to tell which ships were on which side. they dug trenches and were hiding in the trenches. One morning they woke to the sound of an English officer yelling the war is over for you boys come out. He said they were so relieved to have been found and have food etc. He spent the rest of the war in POW camps in first Morocco then Scotland. He said being a POW saved his life. He was from  East Prussia. He said every single boy and man from his village was killed. Every single one. He was the only male from there to survive 

Edited July 22, 2021 by Melissa in Australia

[Guest]

Not sure if you’re still needing a story, but here’s a work story:

My boss is so impulsive. He gets an idea and then tries to immediately implement it. Drives me nuts. So, he was going to sell his house a few months ago. He was acting panicky about all the *stuff* in his house to downsize. So he said to me, “I have three professional-grade chafing dishes from when I had the restaurant. I also have a full-sized bed to get rid of.” I expressed mild interest in the bed because I could put it in dd’s now-empty bedroom for when they need to sleep over. I also said something like, “When we have a party again, the chafing dishes might come in handy.” 

The next day (literally), he had the chafing dishes in the back of his car, drove over to where I park and gave them to me. I swear he would have done the same with the bed except that it was not possible to do that with the bed. 

Then, the house sale fell through, so he changed his mind about the bed. 

So, now that the chafing dishes were in my house, I began to see how very much I hate them. The biggest drawback is they do not stack. So there’s nothing for storing them except to have these big-assed dishes sitting around randomly in my basement.  From parties past, I already have a much lower quality chafing dish set and, while they are not that good-looking, they all fit back into the box they came in and can be stacked away in a closet. I also have something called a Chefman, which is like a big hot plate that you put foil dishes on and it keeps the food perfectly hot. 

I just had a party here last weekend and I didnt use boss’s chafing dishes at all. So I figured I had to give them back to him or at least offer them back to him, because I never gave him any money for them but he did expect that. (I was going to pay for the bed and the dishes together, though we never had a solid price idea.)

Monday I offered them back to him and suggested he could put them in his yardsale, and I explained what I dislike about them. He was so clearly very annoyed, though he was trying not to *look* super annoyed. He certainly wanted to be through with bothering about them and now he is again selling his house. He basically tried to create obstacles to my getting them back to him, including “pretending” that the only way I could give them back was to drive them to his house, which is excessively inconvenient. Remember: when he was giving them to me, he brought them to work and put them directly in my car. *hard eyeroll*. Anyway. I didn’t accept his obstacles and I carried those heavy-assed things one at a time from my car to the office and then draped them all over the reception floor where the issue of them not stacking could not be less apparent. (Yes, I was being petty, but i was paying him back for being petty about accepting them back.)

He did take them back home yesterday, but not before he told me about how much classier his parties have always been than “other people’s”, because he had pro-grade dishes and “not those cheap-looking, crappy ones” (i.e., the ones I have that I like better). More eye-rolling here. He also asked me to help him put them in his car, which was parked right outside the door, which is just laughably ridiculous after I walked them each individually from where I park a half a mile away. But whatever. I put them in his car and am glad to be rid of them. 

So, that’s my story. Sorry for typos; no time to proof. 

[Melissa in Australia]

 

  2 of my adult boys are keen shark fishermen . they  paddles out into a flat bit of plastic that they tell me is called a sea kayak to drop the bait at the end of the fishing line right on dusk. Then paddle back in and wait for the shark to take the bait. they use eels as bait  .

 Once the shark is hooked it can take well over an hour to bring the shark in. After they beach the shark they measure it. Take a photo and release the shark back into the water.

 I asked them how do they release it. They said that is easy. They reach into the shark mouth and remove the hook. They tell me once the shark is on the beach it cannot move at all. I dare not ask them how they release them.

[Rosie_0801]

I dreamed the other night that my son and I went to the supermarket and to the park for an hour.

We could have gone *anywhere* and done *anything* because it was a *dream,* but my subconscious wouldn't let me break lockdown even *imaginarily.* 😂

[Melissa in Australia]

1 minute ago, Rosie_0801 said:

I dreamed the other night that my son and I went to the supermarket and to the park for an hour.

We could have gone *anywhere* and done *anything* because it was a *dream,* but my subconscious wouldn't let me break lockdown even *imaginarily.* 😂

that sounds like a really nice dream even if it was in lockdown

Edited July 22, 2021 by Melissa in Australia

[Laura Corin]

A more fun one.  We were living in Asia and managed to arrange a transfer to Scotland.  Husband had just been on a business trip to Scotland and had taken lots of photos.  We sat the kids down with ice cream (they were aged 8 and 11) to show them the pictures then tell them about the move.  'Hobbes' took in the news, then left the room.  A few minutes later he was back, wearing a backpack containing a box of Cheerios and a book, and announcing, 'I'm going to Scotland right now!'

'Calvin' is a different personality and took longer to convince.  One day after the move we took a walk through fields, then lay down on our backs on a hill.  For a long time we observed the skylarks spiral up, singing, into the sky.  That experience finally reconciled 'Calvin' to the move.

[Rosie_0801]

34 minutes ago, Melissa in Australia said:

that sounds like a really nice dream even if it was in lockdown

Better than the next night, where I wasted the whole dream looking for underwear so we could all have showers. We could have gone out to the park again if I'd been able to find some. 😂

[Carrie12345]

My mom did phone customer service for a big electronics company in the 90s.  A customer needed a dust cover, and wanted it faxed to her.  
“Do you mean FedEx’ed?”  
“No, just fax it over!”

She also helped Barry Manilow with his issue. Coming from a family of Fanilows, that was a big dang deal!!!

 

I dropped a Big Foot pizza on the Pizza Hut kitchen floor one Super Bowl Sunday. Customer saw through the window and asked me to just throw it in the box anyway. So I did. Sorry, man’s party guests!

[DawnM]

I need stories ALL DAY LONG!

Here is one of mine.

DH's grandmother was still living in her own home into her 80's.   She was very into natural "remedies."

One day when we were visiting I walked into the garage to find her peeing in a mason jar.   I quickly walked out.

Later that day she came up to me and said, "Now don't you tell anyone what you saw today.   They all think I am crazy, but I told my grandsons to pee in the mole holes to make them go away and they won't do it, so I have to do it myself!"

🤣😂😝😱

I can't make this stuff up.
 

[Melissa in Australia]

11 minutes ago, DawnM said:

I need stories ALL DAY LONG!

Here is one of mine.

DH's grandmother was still living in her own home into her 80's.   She was very into natural "remedies."

One day when we were visiting I walked into the garage to find her peeing in a mason jar.   I quickly walked out.

Later that day she came up to me and said, "Now don't you tell anyone what you saw today.   They all think I am crazy, but I told my grandsons to pee in the mole holes to make them go away and they won't do it, so I have to do it myself!"

🤣😂😝😱

I can't make this stuff up.
 

my grandma told me when I was a child to pee on my feet to get rid of my chilblains .

 It worked! they went away within a few days. Never underestimate the power of pee

Edited July 22, 2021 by Melissa in Australia

[DawnM]

1 minute ago, Melissa in Australia said:

my grandma told me when I was a child to pee on my feet to get rid of my chilblains .

 It worked< they went away within a few days. Never underestimate the power of pee

YES!   And that reminds me.   We were told urine on sea urchins stings would take away the sting.

Our class at boarding school went down to the beach for a few days and one of the boys stepped on a sea urchin.   We all looked up to one classmate yelling that he stepped on one and another boy peeing on his leg......

That story gets told every reunion.   

And they were TEENAGERS at the time.

[Melissa in Australia]

2 minutes ago, DawnM said:

YES!   And that reminds me.   We were told urine on sea urchins stings would take away the sting.

Our class at boarding school went down to the beach for a few days and one of the boys stepped on a sea urchin.   We all looked up to one classmate yelling that he stepped on one and another boy peeing on his leg......

That story gets told every reunion.   

And they were TEENAGERS at the time.

but did it work?

 

[DawnM]

4 minutes ago, Melissa in Australia said:

but did it work?

 

Yes, the ammonia takes away the sting

[Halftime Hope]

Dd played a lot of tag football and ultimate frisbee with (mostly) boys in high school.

She went to college and joined the co-ed ultimate frisbee group there, but no one would pass to her. (She was tall but quite thin and not particularly fast, so I can understand people not thinking she would be their first choice.) Finally after a couple of weeks, she jumped high and hard to catch a pass, colliding mid-air with a bigger dude. They both landed hard, but the frisbee was in her possession.  She called me later that night, bubbling with happiness, saying, "I was the first one up!"  She never had trouble being one of the team after that. 

 

 

 

[Annie G]

We’re empty nesters except our youngest (son) lives at home. 
Youngest daughter lives 1000 miles away and we have a standing phone call on Tuesday evenings.  So on Tuesday we’re chatting and suddenly we can’t hear her, though the call doesn’t seem to have disconnected. We’re doing typical 60 year old person thing like repeatedly saying ‘are you there’ when ds bursts through the front door like Kramer from Seinfeld. Wild look on his face. He sees we’re ‘on the phone’ and asks if we’re talking to his sister.  Then proceeds to tell us as he pulled into the driveway, it started to rain big fat drops and he hears a voice IN HIS CAR asking “Is it raining? Is that hail?” And since it was exactly what HE was wondering and it sounded like MY voice, it freaked him out to think that suddenly his inner voice was his mother.  
My phone somehow connected to his car’s Bluetooth when he came into the driveway, so that’s how she heard the rain that sounded super loud. 
He had to go back out and park his car- in his panic he kind of Tokyo Drifted it halfway into the grass.  

[MooCow]

This is best one I have: I was taking care of my mother and I had to go inside one of her Doctors office to pick up something. I brought my oldest son with me. He was about 7. So, the waiting room is completely packed. Wall to wall elderly, no place to sit and it's very awkward. No one is talking. Which was surprising because there is always some talking. Anyhow, I was waiting for my turn with the front desk when my son let out the hugest, longest fart I had ever heard.  Without missing a beat, he looks at me and says: "mom!!!". 

 

 

[J-rap]

Well, this is one story we laugh at now but didn't at the time.  It's going to sound kind of crazy, but...    We were living in Amman, Jordan, and were held up in our room during the night by a couple of bandits (not sure what to call them).  My dh whispered to me what I should say in Arabic if I could get away (I was close to the door) to quickly tell others what was going on.  I was able to get away, fleeing in my nightgown and running outside, telling the night watchman (?) my quickly learned sentence to get help.  Apparently one of the crucial words also sounds like the word "cucumber" in Arabic, so my sentence was something like "Help!  We are out of cucumbers!"  Fortunately, he could see that something was urgently wrong and my Arabic was terrible, so he and a couple police officers followed me back to our room, and everything ended fine.  The building manager later was able to tell us about my mis-communication about the lack of cucumbers!

Edited July 22, 2021 by J-rap

[Moonhawk]

I still cringe thinking about this.

So newly married me and DH went to a fancy-to-us Italian restaurant. Anyway, when my food comes out the noodles are really soft. Just overcooked completely, no firmness. I tried to explain this to the very nice waitress, but she was a little confused, "You don't like your noodles cooked?" So after a little back and forth she got the manager. Went through the same story, and he asked how would I like my noodles? And I don't know my full explanation but it certainly ended with, "You know, al dente?" but unfortunately came out like, "you knooow, Aaal den-tayyy?" And unfortunately it was during a lull in the rest of the restaurant conversation and I was apparently sitting in an acoustic area. So tables turned around to see a snotty 20yo seemingly-sarcastically telling the manager of an Italian restaurant about al dente pasta. His face twitched a bit then went to reorder my food. I don't think I said another word, even to DH, for the rest of the meal I was so embarrassed. They comp'd the meal. I left what should have been the price of my meal as a tip. Never went back.

And now whenever DH sees me making pasta he asks if I could make it, you know, al den-tay? 

[busymama7]

We had some people over swimming in our backyard pool.   I was nursing my youngest and my next who was 2 came and told me he needed to go potty. I told him to ask his brother to take him inside. Apparently said brother told him to pee in the pool 🙄😡. Anyways he walked right up to the edge of the pool and dropped his drawers and sent a nice arch of pee into the pool.  In front of everyone 🤣

[Stacia]

Years ago, I was dog sitting for my sister. She and her dh had left a few days earlier and had a couple friends fill in until I could get there.

Early the next morning, the dogs and I are sleeping in the bed. The bedroom door suddenly flings open and I hear a guy telling the dogs to come on, it's time to go outside. The bed had a very high footboard, so I knew the person couldn't see me. In the meantime, the dogs are standing on the bed, barking like crazy, refusing to get off the bed (protecting me). He keeps telling the dogs to get down and come outside.

I'm thinking if I don't sit up and say anything, this dude will be coming closer in a minute to get the dogs. But if I sit up, I will probably give him a heart attack.

I sat up. I can still see the look of complete shock on his face and it still makes me giggle thinking about it. I didn't want to get out of the bed in my pjs, so we're basically screaming to each other over the barking dogs to establish that, yes, I was now in town and, no, he didn't need to come back to take care of the dogs. (I don't know why he didn't notice my car in the driveway.)

I laughed all morning about it. I couldn't wait to tell my sister but she was in a different time zone so I called her a few hours later.

[DawnM]

You guys got me through the day.   Man was I tired!    I came home and took a 2 hour nap and still went to bed around 9:30 and slept until 6:30.   And I only got up a couple of times to cough.

So, today I do next to nothing and recoup.   

but please keep telling stories, I am loving them.

[Danae]

16 hours ago, busymama7 said:

We had some people over swimming in our backyard pool.   I was nursing my youngest and my next who was 2 came and told me he needed to go potty. I told him to ask his brother to take him inside. Apparently said brother told him to pee in the pool 🙄😡. Anyways he walked right up to the edge of the pool and dropped his drawers and sent a nice arch of pee into the pool.  In front of everyone 🤣

My son did something like that around the same age.  My mom had taken him to her sister’s lake house and when he had to go someone (mom was a little vague about this detail) told him he could pee in the lake.  He apparently protested, but was told (again, vague) that fish do it so it’s okay.  He shrugged, climbed up on the dock, pulled down his suit, and peed into the lake.

[Stacia]

20 hours ago, busymama7 said:

We had some people over swimming in our backyard pool.   I was nursing my youngest and my next who was 2 came and told me he needed to go potty. I told him to ask his brother to take him inside. Apparently said brother told him to pee in the pool 🙄😡. Anyways he walked right up to the edge of the pool and dropped his drawers and sent a nice arch of pee into the pool.  In front of everyone 🤣

 

4 hours ago, Danae said:

My son did something like that around the same age.  My mom had taken him to her sister’s lake house and when he had to go someone (mom was a little vague about this detail) told him he could pee in the lake.  He apparently protested, but was told (again, vague) that fish do it so it’s okay.  He shrugged, climbed up on the dock, pulled down his suit, and peed into the lake.

Ds did the same at the ocean.

Gave a couple of surfers and a nearby fisherman a good laugh.