skimomma Posted December 8, 2020 Share Posted December 8, 2020 Title says it all. How are you navigating still-at-home and not-quite-adult teens and long-term relationships during Covid. Disregard if you do not allow teen dating. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hippymamato3 Posted December 8, 2020 Share Posted December 8, 2020 We have allowed the relationship to continue normally. She is our family, and she is in our "bubble." Even when we have seen no one else (which is most of the time) their relationship has been unrestricted. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mlktwins Posted December 8, 2020 Share Posted December 8, 2020 My boys are almost 15.5 and I'm glad we aren't dealing with this yet. I would allow some dating at 16, but not with how Covid is at this point in time. Will be interesting for sure when the time comes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acadie Posted December 8, 2020 Share Posted December 8, 2020 (edited) We've also bubbled with dd18's boyfriend's family. It wasn't a hard call because their family rules are similar to ours, they've been dating for a year and dd is a total extrovert who nearly lost her mind in the spring shutdown. Actually early in the pandemic I learned some things about rotating and cleaning masks from his mom. Trying to figure it out with dd14's girlfriend. This is a newer relationship and they're younger. They were getting together once a week outdoors when school was in person, but have recently asked about indoor get togethers. I'm thinking we might start with indoors, masked and distanced, since that's what they were doing at school before they went remote. I don't know their family as well, so when the mom says they're being very cautious I'm not totally clear what that means to them. Will give her a call to discuss before committing to indoor masked/distanced get togethers. It's tough to navigate and would be especially so if the significant other or their family had very different beliefs or practices regarding Covid. At one point I had to call dd18's boyfriend's mom over the summer because dd14 had an exposure at basketball practice and was asked by her school (not the Board of Health) to quarantine. It was painful, but for me agreeing to bubble means being up front with any questionable exposure too. If my young people were older I'm not sure how/if communication with parents would happen. Also dd18 was tested the day before she left her college campus where there were only 5 cases this semester, and her boyfriend got tested after being home for 7 days. When his results came back negative on day 11 they shifted from distanced get togethers to bubbling together again. I'm grateful to his mom for insisting on that because his college had more cases. Edited December 8, 2020 by Acadie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted December 8, 2020 Share Posted December 8, 2020 We’re letting our teens have normal dating lives and choosing to not have Covid overtake a finite and important social and emotional developmental stage. #unpopularopinion 12 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngieC Posted December 8, 2020 Share Posted December 8, 2020 (edited) We are allowing our daughter to see her boyfriend as normal. My husband and I have been cautious since March; however, we are not requiring quite the same level of caution from our kids (though our son isn't seeing people by his own choice). As much as we are believers of the seriousness of Covid, we also have to balance that with the social-emotional needs of teenagers. Edited December 8, 2020 by AngieC typo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teachermom2834 Posted December 8, 2020 Share Posted December 8, 2020 My nearly 18 yo ds is in a long disance relationship (about a two hour drive). This has made it easier in that they don't see each other often except when they do make plans to see each other it is an all day thing. With how long this has dragged on I don't think it is fair to just say we will see her when it is over. When they have seen each other they have kind of talked through their contacts for the previous week or so. One time they did not get together as planned because half of the girlfriend's dance team was positive. I also have stressed that they are not to visit if there is so much as an inkling of illness. (I do understand that some people have constant allergies but that is not the case). I have said that if she comes to visit and is coughing or visibly ill at all that is going to be a trust breaker for me for the future. We also are careful after the gf has visited in that we do not visit with any of the older folks we occasionally do see until a week or so has passed. I do understand all the risk and holes in this plan but it is the best we can do right now. I'm not comfortable with telling ds he can never see his girlfriend of a year and half until this is over. It will have been over a year at that point. I'm not comfortable telling them they have to mask all the time or sit on different furniture. So this is a risk we take. Mental health of young people is important too. I'm not sure how I could just tell ds who is otherwise extremely responsible and cautious that he effectively has to end his relationship in the interest of public health. So we do our best. Also, the prospect of a local girlfriend who he would want to see frequently is a whole lot worse. So I'm going to roll with the long distance relationship for now. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ali in OR Posted December 8, 2020 Share Posted December 8, 2020 My college kid's boyfriend lives in another state, so no daily issues to think about. We did allow him to visit here in July. Dd really wanted to visit him after her school term was over--about now. When the surge really hit hard we had to tell her that wasn't going to happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cjzimmer1 Posted December 8, 2020 Share Posted December 8, 2020 Eldest's girlfriend lives over 1500 miles away. So flying is the only option. She was here twice this summer. He's going there right before Christmas, she'll be here in January and he's going there in May. I'm not crazy about the exposure but there really isn't any way around it. It's not like I can so no visits until the pandemic is over and driving just isn't feasible. So we just do the best we can with the rest of our life and hope for the best on the visits/travel. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted December 8, 2020 Share Posted December 8, 2020 I know a family that has a parent with immune system issues that has a teen living in a basement so he can see his girlfriend. I'm pretty glad not to be dealing with this right now actually. I have a 16 and 20 year old here and though they are connecting with friends/activities online regularly, they haven't had a particular need or desire to meet people in person the past couple months (well my college student has been back about a month, he got some social with 8-9 weeks on campus with 2 roomies, plus some outdoor college/very small group meet ups). We did have some relatively safe outdoor stuff over the summer into fall. Anyway, families need to decide individually what works with their values, mental and physical health, and teen/young adult socio development right now. I wouldn't fault anyone for thoughtfully made decisions. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted December 8, 2020 Share Posted December 8, 2020 Dss19 isn't dating, but we are allowing him to get together with friends safely. He made a big meal and took it to a camp site one day recently. And a few other times he has gone to visit a friend of his on her front porch for several hours. Her family is strictly isolating and she is very very careful. I do believe he is social distancing and wearing masks when he should. I have seen him a WM a few times when he didn't know I was there and he is always properly masked. And earlier this summer my parents saw him in a friend's yard all standing about 10 feet apart. They had been bike riding and were back and visiting for a while. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEmama Posted December 8, 2020 Share Posted December 8, 2020 1 hour ago, Seasider too said: We joke that our teen gets to use up all our family’s covid exposure budget. Dh and I more strictly self-isolate. This is us too, except DS does sports (not yet dating, boo). I imagine we’d approach dating the same way. I’ll give up anything for him to get any bit of normality. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skimomma Posted December 8, 2020 Author Share Posted December 8, 2020 Interesting responses so far. Is anyone, or has anyone, asked their teen to completely isolate from a significant other? We have been allowing unmasked interaction with dd's best friend and SO. Dd is 17. Her best friend's family has actually bubbled with us as they are also our best friends, so while still super risky IMO, we at least have a protocol and agreement with the other family. The SO is a bigger issue. He is in college locally (with all remote classes) but he shares a house with four other students (also all remote classes). I don't have a bead on what the housemates do or how careful they are. As cases skyrocket in our area and we have had to use more of our own "risk bank" to deal with a couple of family emergencies, I am getting much more nervous. They have a nearly 4 year history so I am really struggling to find the right answer. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy Gen Posted December 8, 2020 Share Posted December 8, 2020 I allow Ds to go to his girlfriend’s house and she comes here. They alternate weekends. She works from home, but lives with her mother who does leave the house for work. This is not ideal, but just like I spent hours at the doctors office getting chemo because the benefit outweighed the risk, I feel about their relationship. We would give up just about everything else in our COVID budget before asking them not to see each other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teachermom2834 Posted December 8, 2020 Share Posted December 8, 2020 20 minutes ago, skimomma said: Interesting responses so far. Is anyone, or has anyone, asked their teen to completely isolate from a significant other? We have been allowing unmasked interaction with dd's best friend and SO. Dd is 17. Her best friend's family has actually bubbled with us as they are also our best friends, so while still super risky IMO, we at least have a protocol and agreement with the other family. The SO is a bigger issue. He is in college locally (with all remote classes) but he shares a house with four other students (also all remote classes). I don't have a bead on what the housemates do or how careful they are. As cases skyrocket in our area and we have had to use more of our own "risk bank" to deal with a couple of family emergencies, I am getting much more nervous. They have a nearly 4 year history so I am really struggling to find the right answer. I think it would be reasonable to shut down contact for a limited amount of time. For instance if you have things coming up that you need to be well for (like we wouldn’t have allowed a visit when my dh was about to have surgery) or if you felt like things were getting really bad and you need to shut things down for a month to see it through or something like that. You have been allowing contact all this time so it wouldn’t be a year like it would be for people who shut it down in March and are waiting for things to improve. So while I wouldn’t deny ds visits with his girlfriend for a year I would for a month depending on circumstances. It’s hard with it over the holidays because obviously they are going to want to see each other. Also difficult if you are allowing some things and not others. My 22 yo Ds got Covid from a housemate. Ds and his roommates were careful but one had a job outside the home and he brought it into the house. All four got sick (they are ok now!). I think that living situation for young people is ripe for spread if anyone is going out at all and it really is unusual to have a house of young people that are all able to work remotely and choose to exercise caution consistently. This is so hard. I think people coming to different conclusions is reasonable. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
matrips Posted December 8, 2020 Share Posted December 8, 2020 33 minutes ago, skimomma said: Interesting responses so far. Is anyone, or has anyone, asked their teen to completely isolate from a significant other? We have been allowing unmasked interaction with dd's best friend and SO. Dd is 17. Her best friend's family has actually bubbled with us as they are also our best friends, so while still super risky IMO, we at least have a protocol and agreement with the other family. The SO is a bigger issue. He is in college locally (with all remote classes) but he shares a house with four other students (also all remote classes). I don't have a bead on what the housemates do or how careful they are. As cases skyrocket in our area and we have had to use more of our own "risk bank" to deal with a couple of family emergencies, I am getting much more nervous. They have a nearly 4 year history so I am really struggling to find the right answer. As someone who dated a few people long distance (military), I think it’s perfectly okay to make rules you’re comfortable with. A relationship can survive. They can talk, zoom, hand write letters, and perhaps find more things to discuss than if they were physically together. If they are serious about each other, this could be a good challenge and experience for them to grow together in a different way. just a thought. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted December 8, 2020 Share Posted December 8, 2020 We don't have teens, but college students. We are not isolating them completely from their SOs. Due to distance they do not see each other often, and the families seem to be on the same wavelength with regard to distancing. When my daughter first started dating her boyfriend, they didn't see each other for months at a time. They talked and texted, etc. It has survived well despite that or maybe even because of that. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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