grumpy and tired

[mamashark]

I'm tired. I'm always tired, it seems. My Dr. ruled out any medical cause for the tiredness and has diagnosed plain and simple "homsechool-mom-of-4-who-has-to-wake-up-overnight-to-help-kids-and-simply-doesn't-get-enough-rest". My psychologist recommended that I have my husband try to help out more in the evenings. Which is a grand idea, only he leaves the house before the kids are awake in the morning and doesn't get home until I'm putting dinner on the table in the evening. So his help consists of playtime and bedtime prep. And he doesn't wake up without extreme prodding overnight so he's not much help there.

my kids don't nap anymore and I have trouble napping while being in "alert mode" because I'm the adult in charge. 

My husband's alarm went off twice this morning before he simply turned it off and didn't get up for another 20 minutes. Believe me, I will correct that issue because by the time the alarm went off the second time, I was awake for the day like it or not.

And Wednesdays are my long day - He has a 20 minute break at home for dinner but has responsibilities that require him to leave the house at 7:30 and isn't done and home for the day until 10pm.

I just don't know how to catch up on rest right now, but there's only so much that coffee can help with....... 

[Garga]

If you’re not getting your full measure of sleep at night, then yes, you’ll be super tired all the time.

Adults tend to need between 7.5 and 9.5 hours of sleep a night.  I need 7.5-8.  If I get less than that a couple of nights in a row, I’m pretty tired for a few days.  If I keep getting less than that, I’m exhausted and fall quickly into depression.  On days when I haven’t had enough sleep, I can’t seem to get the simplest of tasks done, like dishes or laundry, etc.  

I’m not sure how much effort a doctor will put into figuring out what’s wrong if you’re consistently not getting actual sleep.  I mean, if you’re only getting 6 hours a night, then it’s an easy dx that the reason you’re sleepy is because you’re missing out on 10.5 to 24.5 hours of sleep per week.  

Other people can probably give you some vitamin ideas of what can help you feel less sleepy, but the doctor is right that it’s not necessarily a medical issue other than the need for sleep is a critical human need.  Without enough sleep, you will have troubles, same as if you’re on a slight starvation diet.

 

ETA:  the above wasn’t helpful.  Helpful: taking naps on the weekends when DH is there.   Seeing if you can get yourself into bed earlier than you’d like (depending on when the kids go to bed.)  To get to bed earlier, you might have to give up keeping up with the house as much as you’d like.  Making sure the kids have a strong bedtime routine, in the hopes they’ll learn good sleep habits.  

Hopefully, the kids will start to outgrow waking up in the middle of the night.  I am sorry for you.  I am very interested in sleep and how it affects us and it makes me feel so sad for people who can’t get sleep when they want it so badly.  

[Jean in Newcastle]

What are the ages of your children?  Do they have good sleep patterns?  Do they sleep through the night?  You can't work on your own sleep until their sleep patterns are stable.  (At least that has been my experience.)

[J-rap]

This is probably a dumb question, but can you go to sleep earlier?  I realized at some point that sometimes I just needed to do that, even before my older kids went to sleep.  And as they got older and didn't need me as much during homeschool hours, I could sometimes use homeschool time to correct work from the day before (instead of late evening).

I also found that doing a monthly lesson plan (instead of daily or weekly) meant that I didn't need to spend as much time in the evenings preparing for the next day.  Just work correction -- which I eventually found I could squeeze in at random times throughout the day.

Also, I don't know what time you get up in the morning, but we started at 9am and I got up as late as possible before then.  I mean, not when when the kids were younger and needed me, but when they were old enough to pour their own cereal, etc.  I know some people have big breakfasts together and all that, but in our home, sleep came first!

We also lived in a messy house sometimes, and ate easy dinners.  :)  Sometimes, even stooping to paper plates is okay!

Lastly, if you're from a northern climate, I found that having vitamin D in the winter really did help.  (Still does!)

I also agree that dh helping taking over for a time on the weekends is important.

I don't know the ages of your kids, and if they're all very young that does become trickier, but then I think you need to try and go to sleep when they do in the evenings.  Best of luck!  A good night sleep can sure make a difference!

 

[mamashark]

I do take a nap on the weekends, it's just not enough to catch up. 

Garga, your post was actually interesting for me to read through - I KNOW everything you stated. And we've placed other areas of our health as priorities but this one hasn't made the top of the list because it seems like there's nothing we can do. I think it's time we addressed the issue and tried to figure out a solution.

3 of the 4 kids go to bed without an issue by 8pm usually at the latest. The 2 year old is going through a phase where he is having night terrors or nightmares or something. He'll cry for a few minutes and then go back to sleep. Half the time I don't even have to go into him but he still wakes me up crying even if I don't have to get out of bed. The 5 year old has some behavioral difficulties that we are working on - seeing a psychologist and an occupational therapist. Some nights he's good, other nights, like last night, he's up until 9pm having defiant issues against going to bed and then wakes at 2 in the morning not able to sleep in his bed anymore and refuses to go back to his room. So we have learned to bed him down next to our bed on the floor. 

[mamashark]

my kids are 2, 5, 7, and 10.

I go to bed at 9 most nights, sometimes earlier if it's been a particularly rough few days.

I get up between 6-7 when my husband's alarm wakes me. If his alarm doesn't go off I still naturally wake up at 7... and honestly I prefer to be up at least 10 minutes before the first kid who gets up around 7 anyway, because my day always feels more chaotic if I've not had a cup of coffee before kids start their morning demands... lol.

I do take Vit. D, and I get outside as much as possible when it's nice. And I drink another cup of coffee ;)

[TABmom]

Can you put a movie on for the kids and take a nap during the week? Sometimes, when I'm tired enough, I can curl up in a chair with my littlest and he can watch a show while I doze off. Maybe you could have quiet time in their rooms for the 5 and 7 year olds and put the 10 year old in charge of watching the 2 year old? If you put on a movie, the 10 yo may just need to refill snacks/drinks for the littlest. The 10 yo could wake you if there was a problem. Desperate times, desperate measures!

[scholastica]

How much exercise is everyone getting? Exercise in the daytime improves sleep. I’m always less grumpy when I get some exercise. Everyone here sleeps better when they’ve been moving, especially outdoors.

[Carol in Cal.]

Sounds like it's time to implement that two hour nap in your rooms thing that SWB talks about so much.

[mamashark]

5 hours ago, Carol in Cal. said:

Sounds like it's time to implement that two hour nap in your rooms thing that SWB talks about so much.

I do this, but have trouble sleeping because a random noise will jolt me awake because I'm in charge, I guess. I can sleep with the kids in their rooms for rest time when my husband is home but not when it's just me and the kids. I guess I need to work on that.

[Kanin]

Did your doc check B12? The acceptable range in this country is WAY below what other countries have. Even if it's "normal" on your lab work, it could be way too low. You could buy some at the grocery store - get the sublingual kind that dissolves under your tongue. It's really cheap, and could possibly help! It helped my fatigue a lot a couple years ago. 

[Ottakee]

Is it possible for you to hire a mother's helper for a few hours a day, a few days a week?  Someone to just be on alert so you can nap or take a walk alone, get a cup of coffee, etc?  I would also do as much outdoor time as possible but if you are like us, the weather has been frightful lately.

[Lizzie in Ma]

No answers but for years I have sung my theme song when I get up at 5:30 every freaking day except Saturday, it goes like this to any tune you like..."Thank God for coffee and I'll sleep when I'm dead".  Believe it or not, it get me through.  My dh slumbers on while I get up and take care of the household, not going to lie, it makes me a little jealous.

[wintermom]

Chronic lack of sleep IS a medical issue in itself. It can lead to other medical issues as well, and it can also lead to you losing your driver's license temporarily.  There isn't necessarily any pill your dr. can prescribe to you, though. You and your dh will have to work on fixing this problem before other more serious issues arise. 

Things to think about:

- dh taking over all evening and night time children dutues so that you have a good shot at getting 7.5 hours of sleep

- hiring a mommy's helper to be in the home while you take a nap 

- cutting back on out-of-the house activities 

All the best with finding a solution. I have 4 dc myself, and vaguely remember those hazy years of lack-of-sleep. I was lucky in that I didn't cause any more than 1 traffic collision and no one was hurt. I really should have been driving a lot less. It's no joke to try and function on too little sleep.

[melbotoast]

No advice, but *hugs*  I'm right there with you. 

[cintinative]

If noises wake you, you could consider a sleep conditioner--we have this one. It's fantastic. https://www.amazon.com/Marpac-Classic-White-Noise-Machine/dp/B000KUHFGM/ref=sr_1_2_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1524146053&sr=8-2&keywords=marpac+dohm+classic+white+noise+sound+machine%2C+white&dpID=41V5oh7WGuL&preST=_SY300_QL70_&dpSrc=srch

It's small enough to even bring during travel.  

Other than that, just agreeing with everyone up thread about doing your best to find a way to get more sleep in. My experience is like Garga's--several days without enough sleep mean that I am having trouble putting together my thoughts and it if keep pressing on my depression kicks in. Also I have a neuro condition that flares whenever I don't get enough sleep.

[fairfarmhand]

So 9 to 7 is like 9-10 hours in the bed. Are you sure you're in bed that long? My dh figured something out, something that was just so obvious to me. He goes" You know, I thought I was getting enough sleep because I was in bed from 8 hours, but if I read for an hour and we talk for 30 minutes, and then I have to wind down, I'm really getting like 6.5 hours of sleep." Mentally, I was like "duh." but till he thought of it himself it didn't occur to him that it was lack of sleep that was why he was so tired.

Do you snore? Does your husband snore? When was the last time your mattress was replaced? Is the bed big enough for both of you to sleep without disturbing one another?

Are you having trouble going back to sleep after being awakened in the night?

And if your 2 yo will go back to sleep, can you use a noise machine (we have them on our cell phones) or a box fan to help with your waking? He can come get you if needed but if he cries, you wouldn't be awakened.

What about blackout curtains?

Are you able to drop off at night or are you struggling with falling asleep?

Lots of outside time for kids during the day with lots of busy activities will help with their sleep.

If you're like me, mentally rehearsing what must be done tomorrow at night interferes with my restful sleeping. For some reason, my brain can't let go of the "Don't forget x,y,z "enough to rest. I solve this by keeping a notepad by my bed and mentally unloading my to do list for tomorrow on it. Then I try to think of all the things I'm glad about for the day to help me rest better at night. A peaceful rest needs a peaceful mindset before sleeping. I also recite the 23rd Psalm when I'm struggling to fall asleep.

Take a B vitamin complex. It's helped my energy a lot. But don't take it after noon, because for me it contributes to insomnia.