Have you dealt with teen boy drama? Mostly needed to write it out I guess.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

I thought boys were easier in the drama world! Just in case you only read bits and pieces, I will be following my son around for a bit before this gets serious. We are in a very small town. There are only so many places the kids can go to just hang out.

 

My son hangs out with a big group of kids. Just in the last few months (maybe as long as a year, but winter keeps us indoors a bit changing timeline perceptions) my son has gone from rounding up little kids at the parks for tag, to hanging with a peer aged group. He didn't grow up hanging with same aged peers. He has played these same kids over the years, but when the other kids switched from running and playing to hanging out, my son stayed behind.  

 

He's also never cared about arguments between big kids. He doesn't pick sides and is happy to hang out with any fighters individually. Until recently, he just seemed to never get involved, or there wasn't much to get involved with.  

 

Outliers of the group are C&J (brothers. C is 10. J is 13 and the one my son got into a fight with), and F (F is the not liked kid my son was defending). Oh, there was this other J at one point who is also 10. (the rest of the group is 13-15. I don't know how these younger kids fell in.

 

Anyway, it seems that F is causing trouble. He's mouthy (coming from ME, that's a lot!). He's been "beat up" by other J (other J has been in martial arts most of his life. He says he had no choice but to drop F to get him to stop. I'm inclined to believe because it's the same story all the time from everyone else!), J, and my son punched a wall over him. He curses a lot at the playground. It's possible he's intentionally trying to stir the pot by telling people that x said he's doing this, and telling x that people are going to do this. This has not been confirmed, which is why I left it vague. (Completely separately, F was suspended from school over another telling x and people issue, so it is confirmed that he's done the same thing to other people).

 

F moved on our block in August, and it's been drama ever since. My son's far from an angel! But he has a reputation as a great kid in public, and he knows the public eyes will come back to me. He always played with little kids at the parks. He broke up little kid fights. He got "attacked" and had a blast. He even played with his psychiatrist's son for many years. Every summer, I get compliments from older adults who walk the park, other parents, and even the police. He was allowed to stay at the pool alone from 11 instead of the required 13 because he not only followed rules, but helped a lot while Y camp was there (new guards are always told that if a Y camper is doing something, just yell for my son and point. Lol). At home though, he can be a mouthy little snot, so I know it's in him to be a punk. 

 

So I have no idea what to do about all this. I spoke with F's mom, who seems to accept that F is a little wild, but doesn't understand that he has done some potentially vicious things. I have personally caught F in 2 lies, and he does so with this fake deer in headlights look trying to play innocent little 10 year old. 

 

I was going to just leave it, but F's mom just texted and it's clear she doesn't know how much trouble F is getting in. She just said she did the same thing; ring and run, getting into fights, and eventually going home. She said C&J's mom is trying to deflect what J did to F. I don't see that. J's mom initially wanted to involve the police over the black eye my son gave J, but once she found out my son was stopping J from beating F, and her other son C was a witness, she decided we just handle it as a boy fight. She never once denied J's fault in the fight. We do agree that our boys were wrong, but we also think F may be fueling some of this for fun.

 

When I tell my son to stay away from F, he says he can't because F keeps following them. Separately, I get the same thing from other kids! After a kid says something about F, I ask "why don't you just stay away from him?" I get "OMG! I TRY SO HARD BUT HE JUST FOLLOWS US!"

 

I will follow my son around a bit for a while. I will encourage the group to use our yard and porch as a hangout place.

 

But beyond that, I have no clue what to do. My son's SLP has already been working on how to handle conflict verbally and appropriately, and now is able to bring real life scenarios to the table (I message her with the drama of the day). My son and the kids really do seem to be running out of acceptable social ways to tell this kid off. 

[Amy in NH]

My kids would suddenly be very busy elsewhere to avoid having them hang out with this crowd. Ime, when they go from playing tag in the park to hanging out in a group there is nothing good to come from it.

[JumpyTheFrog]

These kids don’t sound like a good influence. I agree with the above post that if it were my kids, they’d be busy, busy, busy.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

I think tag/playing like kids, to general hanging out is a normal progression. I just got lucky that my son was content with playing for so long. He just turned 13. He’ll still run around and play.

 

I do keep him at least a little busy. He’s got Young Marines, volunteers at the library, goes to the gym, and will be starting martial arts. But not being in regular school means he doesn’t have hours of homework and he can get chores done during the day.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

Ok. I’ll observe and have them come here for a while. I know the core group is a decent bunch. It seems the newer to the area kids, or group outliers are more of a problem. Maybe.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

He does drum lessons as well.

 

I just called the martial arts school I am considering for him.

 

They have classes 5 nights a week, but they're after curfew, so it doesn't pull too much time from his free time. 

 

We're going to check out a class on Tuesday or Thursday (after I get my fuel pump fixed. Ugh!).

 

It's getting cold, so there won't be easy ways for general floating around. 

He loves to swim. I'll check the schedule and see if there's open swim in the early afternoon.

[BarbecueMom]

Not going to be popular but...

 

Based on personal experience, there is no "decent bunch" of 13-15yo boys who are just hanging out with kids much younger simply because they are in the neighborhood, not socializing because they share an interest or activity. There are decent kids individually. There are those becoming decent kids. But there are those who are are not and will not be decent people, and they set the tone for the social atmosphere. This isn't church youth group or co-op.

 

There is a reason why so many people have problems with "neighborhood kids". Those kids are around because they aren't being kept busy with anything else.

 

It would horrify people if I went into detail of what happened in my middle school years with the "neighborhood kids" - from inappropriate talk and bad behavior to bullying to sexual assault to murder. Plain old suburban middle class neighborhood. Seriously.

[MysteryJen]

Generally, from my own experience, nothing good comes from 12-14 year old boys hanging out. It is like all good sense, manners, and ability to forsee consequences flies out the window.

 

This is why my kids had to keep swimming through those years. 6 days a week, adding mornings if they got squirrelly. Because stupid things happen in the after school hours.

 

 

[teachermom2834]

I am agreeing with the posters that say the group of boys hanging out is just a bad idea. Structured activities are better and even then groups of teenagers can just be ugh.

 

I am a bit of the mind that teenagers are not good for each other in general. Mine socialize and have phones and go on retreats, camps, etc. so I am not denying them peer interaction but my highly unpopular opinion is that they just do not uplift each other and bring out the best. Even good kids.

 

Limited social activity in the teen years. Lots of time with family with teen time sprinkled in limited amounts. The more structure and adult supervision the better. I actually know lots of great young people, but none of them need to be hanging in groups without a purpose.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

I guess I knew this. Sigh.

 

I’ll slowly pull him back.

[unsinkable]

I'll be blunt:

 

My dad used to call this kind of activity "running the streets." As in: "Nothing good comes from running the streets."

 

You're trying to police or supervise the unsupervisable. A group of 13-15 yo boys is NOT going to stay around where a mom is going to try to make everyone play nice. They are so beyond that!

[Bluegoat]

I'll disagree, I think it's bad to have kids in structured stuff all the time, particularly to avoid things like this.  There will be social problems in groups.

 

It does sound like F is the problem, and I don't think that is uncommon, but it seems to happen more with girl groups.  But some kids are just always trying to stir others up.

 

One possibility is for them to try and find a place to hang out without F.  I'd make it very clear that violence is just not an option unless it is self-defence.  I'd try and think through responses to scenarios - what is F trying to do, and how can he be foiled without bringing about a direct confrontation?  Maybe if the group breaks up any time he starts to do his thing, F might just lay off, for example.

[JumpyTheFrog]

I'll disagree, I think it's bad to have kids in structured stuff all the time, particularly to avoid things like this. There will be social problems in groups.

 

This doesn’t sound like kids arguing over the rules in sandlot baseball. It sounds like the group is getting steered into fights and violence. I don’t see what good will come from a group of unsupervised 10-15 year olds running around and fighting.

 

If I remember correctly, the OP already has trouble with her son, aside from this group. He doesn’t need to be hanging with a crowd that is already going downhill. (Apologies to the OP if I got her and her son mixed up with another poster.)

[amo_mea_filiis.]

This doesn’t sound like kids arguing over the rules in sandlot baseball. It sounds like the group is getting steered into fights and violence. I don’t see what good will come from a group of unsupervised 10-15 year olds running around and fighting.

 

If I remember correctly, the OP already has trouble with her son, aside from this group. He doesn’t need to be hanging with a crowd that is already going downhill. (Apologies to the OP if I got her and her son mixed up with another poster.)

It’s likely me. He’s a butt at home when there are demands, but is honestly a good kid (which is why he defended a kid he can’t stand!). Strong empathy, but very “behavioral.†And if anyone ever said my son did x (any one of a billion long standing home behaviors) I would never say he did not do it. Like the whole fight. The first story I got from the boy and family was that my son walked up to him out of the blue and kneed him in the head. Not a chance! I didn’t deny involvement, just sequence of events.

 

I do want him to navigate stuff without me, but not to the point of fighting. The boys of the group play fight and wrestle a lot. This is how mine knew the attacking 13 year old was way stronger than the trouble making 10 year old.

 

It’s a boy/girl mixed group, and they’re the better behaved group. Some of the other kids he played with years ago have moved over to the smoking/drinking/vandalizing group. Most other kids do not live within walking distance of town.

[Catwoman]

I don't think it's your son's place to punch another kid, even if he's doing it to defend another kid. He could get into serious trouble for that.

 

I respect your son's integrity and sense of fair play, but he really needs to get an adult when fighting or bullying get physical. I can understand that he might have no choice but to fight back if he is the one being attacked, but it sounds like that wasn't the case here.

 

If the situation is the type where he knows the smaller kid is going to get hurt before an adult can be called, perhaps your son can get another kid to help him break up the fight without actually throwing punches.

 

But again, I admire your son for not wanting to see a smaller child being hurt by an older, bigger kid.

Edited November 10, 2017 by Catwoman

[mom2scouts]

I'm wondering why 15 year olds are hanging out with 10 year olds. There's a HUGE difference between boys those ages.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

I don't think it's your son's place to punch another kid, even if he's doing it to defend another kid. He could get into serious trouble for that.

 

I respect your son's integrity and sense of fair play, but he really needs to get an adult when fighting or bullying get physical. I can understand that he might have no choice but to fight back if he is the one being attacked, but it sounds like that wasn't the case here.

 

If the situation is the type where he knows the smaller kid is going to get hurt before an adult can be called, perhaps your son can get another kid to help him break up the fight without actually throwing punches.

 

But again, I admire your son for not wanting to see a smaller child being hurt by an older, bigger kid.

We’ve talked a ton and role played, so I’m not excusing at all!

 

What happened... 13 and 10 were verbally arguing. 13’s English is poor, 10 likes to push buttons. 13 pushes 10 to the ground. Mine told 13 to stop, they all continued walking.

 

Now they’re in front of 13’s house with his 10yo brother; no adults home. Mine was sitting with that 10yo while the other two were still verbally arguing.

 

13 threw 10 to the ground again, mine told them to seriously stop, mostly telling 10 to go home.

 

13 grabbed 10 and went to pin and punch (frequent wrestling so they all know each other’s moves). Mine jumped up and grabbed 13 in a low headlock, which usually ends it. 13 was still swinging at 10. Mine is yelling at 10 to go away, and 13 to calm down. Right before 13 was going to get his pinning grip on mine, mine brought his knee up (wether or not he intended to knee him, he got yelled at by me and knew it was wrong).

 

13 went down and mine grabbed 10 and forced him to leave (physically pulling him away, because now 13 was throwing rocks), and mine went to the Y to beat the punching bags, mad at 10. He didn’t realize he’d actually hurt 13 until he got home where he started freaking over 10’s behavior (similar to yelling in your car over being cut off, but the other driver can’t see or hear you).

 

He stopped when I told him what 13 looked like. He spent the afternoon upset and crying, before I told him he was grounded.

 

13’s brother admitted to seeing the second half that happened at his house, and that 13 was truly going after 10. Mine and the brother have no idea how the verbal part escalated. Mine, 13, 13’s family, and me are all good. It happened. All the boys were wrong, no true harm came, none of them should be around 10 (but at the same time we acknowledge 10 is dealing with abuse/neglect of some kind and still want to protect him a little).

[Catwoman]

We’ve talked a ton and role played, so I’m not excusing at all!

 

What happened... 13 and 10 were verbally arguing. 13’s English is poor, 10 likes to push buttons. 13 pushes 10 to the ground. Mine told 13 to stop, they all continued walking.

 

Now they’re in front of 13’s house with his 10yo brother; no adults home. Mine was sitting with that 10yo while the other two were still verbally arguing.

 

13 threw 10 to the ground again, mine told them to seriously stop, mostly telling 10 to go home.

 

13 grabbed 10 and went to pin and punch (frequent wrestling so they all know each other’s moves). Mine jumped up and grabbed 13 in a low headlock, which usually ends it. 13 was still swinging at 10. Mine is yelling at 10 to go away, and 13 to calm down. Right before 13 was going to get his pinning grip on mine, mine brought his knee up (wether or not he intended to knee him, he got yelled at by me and knew it was wrong).

 

13 went down and mine grabbed 10 and forced him to leave (physically pulling him away, because now 13 was throwing rocks), and mine went to the Y to beat the punching bags, mad at 10. He didn’t realize he’d actually hurt 13 until he got home where he started freaking over 10’s behavior (similar to yelling in your car over being cut off, but the other driver can’t see or hear you).

 

He stopped when I told him what 13 looked like. He spent the afternoon upset and crying, before I told him he was grounded.

 

13’s brother admitted to seeing the second half that happened at his house, and that 13 was truly going after 10. Mine and the brother have no idea how the verbal part escalated. Mine, 13, 13’s family, and me are all good. It happened. All the boys were wrong, no true harm came, none of them should be around 10 (but at the same time we acknowledge 10 is dealing with abuse/neglect of some kind and still want to protect him a little).

As I understand it, 13 and 10 are brothers. I don't think it's your son's place to get in between two brothers. The boys' parents should be dealing with their fights, not your son or any of the other kids.

 

Honestly, the 10yo should find some other kids his own age to hang around with. He's too young for the older boys. And 13 needs to deal with his anger issues and learn how to express himself without violence.

 

And really, I would discourage all of the wrestling and fighting (even if it's play fighting) among these boys because it seems pretty clear that it's leading to more aggressive behavior.

 

Are there any other kids your son could hang out with? These particular kids don't sound like they are a particularly good influence on him.

 

Again, I don't think your son is at fault here, but I am afraid he will end up in trouble -- or worse yet, seriously hurt -- if he keeps hanging around with those kids and feels the need to intervene during fights.

[kiwik]

As I understand it, 13 and 10 are brothers. I don't think it's your son's place to get in between two brothers. The boys' parents should be dealing with their fights, not your son or any of the other kids.

 

Honestly, the 10yo should find some other kids his own age to hang around with. He's too young for the older boys. And 13 needs to deal with his anger issues and learn how to express himself without violence.

 

And really, I would discourage all of the wrestling and fighting (even if it's play fighting) among these boys because it seems pretty clear that it's leading to more aggressive behavior.

 

Are there any other kids your son could hang out with? These particular kids don't sound like they are a particularly good influence on him.

 

Again, I don't think your son is at fault here, but I am afraid he will end up in trouble -- or worse yet, seriously hurt -- if he keeps hanging around with those kids and feels the need to intervene during fights.

No the brother 10 was a witness not the 10 in the fight.

 

I think your son did the right thing OP (or at least the least wrong thing) but now he needs to move on to other activities or he will always be being dragged in to things.

Edited November 11, 2017 by kiwik

[amo_mea_filiis.]

No the brother 10 was a witness not the 10 in the fight.

.

Correct. Had the fight been between 13 and his brother, ds would have stayed out. While the older brother is still stronger, if they’re allowed out and about alone knowing they fight, that’s different.

[Bluegoat]

This doesn’t sound like kids arguing over the rules in sandlot baseball. It sounds like the group is getting steered into fights and violence. I don’t see what good will come from a group of unsupervised 10-15 year olds running around and fighting.

 

If I remember correctly, the OP already has trouble with her son, aside from this group. He doesn’t need to be hanging with a crowd that is already going downhill. (Apologies to the OP if I got her and her son mixed up with another poster.)

 

It sounds to me like there is really only one kid who is causing most of the issues.  It would be a shame, I think, if a group of kids that gets along ends up broken up because of that.

 

If there are other issues, of course, that might make a difference.  But I think this sort of thing with one kid can crop up in all kinds of teen friend groups, so to me it's worthwhile to learn how to deal with.  I even met people like this as a university, and I think part of the reason I managed not to get too drawn into their drama is that I had some experience with other kids who were like that.  There were others who were, though, sometimes to pretty serious effect.

[BarbecueMom]

It sounds to me like there is really only one kid who is causing most of the issues. It would be a shame, I think, if a group of kids that gets along ends up broken up because of that.

 

If there are other issues, of course, that might make a difference. But I think this sort of thing with one kid can crop up in all kinds of teen friend groups, so to me it's worthwhile to learn how to deal with. I even met people like this as a university, and I think part of the reason I managed not to get too drawn into their drama is that I had some experience with other kids who were like that. There were others who were, though, sometimes to pretty serious effect.

Even then, there is a serious difference between drama between college kids and the toxic subculture that you find in groups of teens roaming neighborhood streets.

 

Ever seen the movie Kids? Take the plot and characters, remove the HIV and city setting, and add drugs and guns, and plop it in a suburban subdivision. I watched it in college and almost threw up because of how scarily accurate it was.

[unsinkable]

A few more thoughts:

 

"The good kid who is always in the wrong place at the wrong time" (kinda like the Hooker with the Heart of Gold movie Archetype)

 

We've all known that kid.

 

You don't want your kid to be that kid.

 

The kid gets breaks from adults and authorities at first bc he is a "good kid." But eventually, the incidents pile up and the breaks stop. People will stop caring about the details of why another kid got kneed in the face by your kid and just call the police or whatever.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

A few more thoughts:

 

"The good kid who is always in the wrong place at the wrong time" (kinda like the Hooker with the Heart of Gold movie Archetype)

 

We've all known that kid.

 

You don't want your kid to be that kid.

 

The kid gets breaks from adults and authorities at first bc he is a "good kid." But eventually, the incidents pile up and the breaks stop. People will stop caring about the details of why another kid got kneed in the face by your kid and just call the police or whatever.

That’s been our biggest talking point. He IS a good kid, but that’ll change if he’s kicking everyone’s ass. This is his second “good kid†incident, but the first didn’t involve adults or injuries. Not good at all.

 

From this point on, back off. Call me if needed. Walk away from the park. Sit on the sidelines. Whatever.

 

I’ll know next month, hopefully, if I can stick him in martial arts. The one place I called sounded exactly like what he needed. I know he wants and needs the physical side of the play fighting/wrestling, but not with the group he’s getting it from.

 

He’s not in the local school, and he’s not allowed in other peoples houses, so he misses a good bit of the drama. He only sees what the other kids are doing away from adults, which is worse, but also means he’s not as worked up if something happens.

 

The one kid is a big trouble maker (he was also involved in the first incident), but I really can’t put all the fault on a 10yo kid with a history of abuse and neglect.

 

The brothers are very rough and hyper and gossip is that they’ve been booted off other buses (I don’t know that I believe that, because the school will usually use a van for kids kicked off a bus). Those 3 boys are just not a good fit, and mine is now generally staying away from them. Generally, because he’d been grounded, then found a new computer game, so hasn’t even been out much to test this.

[unsinkable]

I don't envy your position. I wish he could get into the martial arts place right away but I get it that it can't happen right now.

 

Do you have running clubs nearby? There are groups here that "adverise" at locally owned running stores. They meet 2x or more a week and it is free. All levels, all ages. The stores also have beginner running groups.

[Garga]

Not going to be popular but...

 

Based on personal experience, there is no "decent bunch" of 13-15yo boys who are just hanging out with kids much younger simply because they are in the neighborhood, not socializing because they share an interest or activity. There are decent kids individually. There are those becoming decent kids. But there are those who are are not and will not be decent people, and they set the tone for the social atmosphere. This isn't church youth group or co-op.

 

There is a reason why so many people have problems with "neighborhood kids". Those kids are around because they aren't being kept busy with anything else.

 

It would horrify people if I went into detail of what happened in my middle school years with the "neighborhood kids" - from inappropriate talk and bad behavior to bullying to sexual assault to murder. Plain old suburban middle class neighborhood. Seriously.

 

Murder?    

[Catwoman]

No the brother 10 was a witness not the 10 in the fight.

I think your son did the right thing OP (or at least the least wrong thing) but now he needs to move on to other activities or he will always be being dragged in to things.

  

Correct. Had the fight been between 13 and his brother, ds would have stayed out. While the older brother is still stronger, if they’re allowed out and about alone knowing they fight, that’s different.

Thanks for clearing that up -- sorry I misunderstood the situation! Now that I went back and reread the posts, I can see that there were two 10yos, but somehow I missed that until now. :)

[amo_mea_filiis.]

Only running is through the Y, and he’s not interested. :( I may force it though (I’ll blame it on having read Spark. Lol).

 

I don’t want to stick him in MA without being confident in the instructors. The one I can absolutely afford, I don’t like what I’ve seen. The classes through the Y are also not discipline focused enough. I’d rather pay for a class where he stands there getting poked at and is t allowed to respond, over a class where he learns technique without strong direction.

 

He’s got the beginning discipline from Young Marines, but our unit is too little and not a lot comes out of it. It’s more a status symbol at this point. Because the meetings are no longer consistent, he fights going (too bad).

 

He can’t do school sports because we’re cyber, not home anymore. His best/favorite friend is in cross country, so maybe I can convince them to do the Y’s running club together.

 

He’ll know what I’m doing if all of a sudden he’s got scheduled activities daily from 3-6pm, which would lead to refusals and home behaviors. So I have to be careful to not push him away.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

Murder?

Woah. I missed that part.

 

These kids are a bit rowdy, sure. But they’re not running the streets as a whole. I don’t know what they do when mine comes home though. The group as a whole is made up of different small friend groups.

 

They hang out at the park by the courthouse. Get bored, walk to the other park and play basketball. Get bored again and maybe skateboard in the no hoops basketball court (old, used as a parking lot before 3). They’ll go to the Y and play basketball or go down to the gym. They’ll walk back and forth from park to Y for hours.

 

So even though there’s not a lot of direction, they’re not running the streets and getting in trouble as a group.

[BarbecueMom]

Deleted.

Edited November 11, 2017 by BarbecueMom

[amo_mea_filiis.]

 

Thanks for clearing that up -- sorry I misunderstood the situation! Now that I went back and reread the posts, I can see that there were two 10yos, but somehow I missed that until now. :)

This isn’t a group that’s absolutely always together. So kids come and go.

 

There are 3 10yos. Then 2 younger siblings of one of the 13yo girls. I’m not sure how old they are. Mine is 13, best friend is 14, 14’s brother might be a 4th 10yo.

 

The younger bunch are in the elementary school together, and for the most part, the rest are in the middle school, with maybe a HS’er or 2 here and there.

 

A lot of them are related. Cousins, far off cousins, whatever. Most have parents and entire families grew up here. Just mentioning because it makes more sense that the group is so age diverse, despite most being in different schools together.

[Catwoman]

Woah. I missed that part.

 

These kids are a bit rowdy, sure. But they’re not running the streets as a whole. I don’t know what they do when mine comes home though. The group as a whole is made up of different small friend groups.

 

They hang out at the park by the courthouse. Get bored, walk to the other park and play basketball. Get bored again and maybe skateboard in the no hoops basketball court (old, used as a parking lot before 3). They’ll go to the Y and play basketball or go down to the gym. They’ll walk back and forth from park to Y for hours.

 

So even though there’s not a lot of direction, they’re not running the streets and getting in trouble as a group.

Basically, they sound like normal kids to me. I don't really understand the need for the wrestling/fighting aspect of it, though, because that's not what I see among the boys my ds knows. Physical activity is one thing, but rough physical contact isn't something my ds would be interested in at all.

 

Basically, it sounds like the good kids need to try to separate themselves from the troublemakers. I know it's not necessarily an easy thing to do, but if the same few kids are consistently causing problems, the other kids need to tell them if they don't knock it off, no one is going to want them around any more. But it can't just be your son. It has to be other kids, too.

 

I disagree with those who say that it's a bad thing for teens to be hanging out together without anything constructive to do. I do think it's bad when one or two of the kids are trying to be a bad influence on the group, but overall, the things you're describing sound like typical teen boy stuff to me. They're not drinking, doing drugs, or vandalizing the neighborhood -- they're just wandering around town doing a little of this and a little of that, and mostly just spending time together.

[Bluegoat]

Some kids seem to really like the wrestling type stuff,  I don't think it's that unusual.  It might be better if they put that energy into a game like basketball instead.

[Catwoman]

It was hanging out and being bored until suddenly it wasn't.

Wow! That was horrible! :eek:

 

But honestly, I think most average teens can hang out and be bored without doing anything at all wrong -- something like the incident you linked would absolutely not be something the vast majority of human beings (kids, teens, or adults) would ever consider doing, no matter how bored or unsupervised they were.

 

(I hope it's ok that I quoted the one line from your post. I'm deliberately being vague here because I know you may delete later, but if you want me to delete the one line I quoted, just let me know and I'll do it immediately.)

 

 

Edited for typo! :)

Edited November 11, 2017 by Catwoman

[amo_mea_filiis.]

Mine was never into the rough physical play. It caused some issues when he was little (still in the fully always supervised years). But recently he’s been begging for it. Sometimes they play football, so they’re beating each other with an overall purpose. Lol

[amo_mea_filiis.]

My ds says he’ll never touch drugs, if for no other reason than his intense drug allergy history! Lol. He also said he’s sure his psychiatrist would beat him. :)

[Guinevere]

Maybe winter will be a bit of a natural break, and the kids will mature just enough to help before they are out together in the spring.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

Just had a nice walk with ds (‘cause my damn fuel pump is dead!).

 

Most of the kids he floats around with he doesn’t even know their names. Lol. So no close relationships going on.

 

Also found out that they actually have rules in place for their wrestling! No choke holds, kicking, or punching. Maybe more, but it’s easier to pull teeth by hand than get him to casually chat.

 

I do hope that through winter there isn’t school drama to escalate the spring reunions.

[BarbecueMom]

My ds says he’ll never touch drugs, if for no other reason than his intense drug allergy history! Lol. He also said he’s sure his psychiatrist would beat him. :)

Smart kid! My brother didn't try drugs or even drink alcohol until he was well over 21, because he's such a picky eater! It was hell to feed him growing up but worked out well when he wouldn't even succumb to peer pressure to try Taco Bell, let alone marijuana and beer.

[katilac]

I thought boys were easier in the drama world!  

 

 

I've been very involved in teen homeschool activities for about 12 years now. Boys win the drama trophy, hands-down.

Edited November 11, 2017 by katilac

[amo_mea_filiis.]

I've been very involved in teen homeschool activities for about 12 years now. Boys win the drama trophy, hands-down.

 

Very not cool!

 

(that boys are worse. Not looking forward to this)

[katilac]

Very not cool!

 

(that boys are worse. Not looking forward to this)

 

I have definitely had more teen boys come to me crying than girls. That's not a sarcastic way of saying that they were complaining, they were literally crying. 

 

The girls tend to go crying to their friends, so they probably do it just as often, it's just a plus that they don't involve me. 

[Amy in NH]

Murder?

Yep. Here too.

 

Unsupervised teens "hanging out" are into liquor, sex, and drugs. This is just my experience with multiple groups of "good" suburban and rural kids - even the kids who volunteer that they will abstain from these activities are trying them if they get a chance.

Edited November 13, 2017 by Amy in NH

[Dmmetler]

Honestly, even with a similar aged girl, this is one reason why DD went from doing rec cheer and a tumbling class or two to doing a team at a gym. By doing a team, she can go and spend time with similar-aged kids, but they share a goal and a motivation, and the coaches keep a handle on social stuff. It's not all structured, but it keeps some limits on it.

[Guinevere]

Add me to the list of people whose peer group murdered someone. The boy had asked me to be his girlfriend, but I felt like he was on a bad path and stepped way back from him. Less than a year later, he was murdered. He lived just down the street from me. I suspect it was drug related, but I'll never know.

 

I totally agree that kids running around by themselves is a bad recipe. Structured, with some free time, seems to be a better way to go.