EC break over the summer, now one place wants to give free

[Janeway]

I had a hard time coming up with a good title. 

 

We had said no extra curricular activities this summer. This is partly due to the fact that we have always taken the summer off so we can relax and reboot and also, have a financial break and/or try different things. But, karate goes year round. It does not even have a school year only option with summer being an extra. It is set up on a yearly membership basis and then you pay by the month. Our yearly membership ended this month. And we let the older kids continue their activities through May. This is because dance has a recital and oldest was testing for his black belt. But we had fully intended to be activity free for June through August. To top it off, we already pulled 5 and 7 yr old out of swim lessons. It feels morally wrong to take away swim lessons that costs $135 per child for the session while allowing the older kids to do karate (155 a month) or dance (about 150 a month). Swimming is a life skill and the younger children do not have extra activities during the school year. 

 

The person who owns the karate dojo came to me and told me that my son can continue without paying. She said she knows my husband does not have a job right now and thinks my son has worked hard to get to where he is and doesn't want him to lose his momentum. 

 

OK, this is nice and all, but brings on a few problems. One) I guess if it is free, it would be bad for me to withhold it, but the rest of the kids have nothing. However, I supposed this is not a HUGE deal and we can deal with this. TWO) With job offer coming in, we would start paying. What then? Tell her even though we have income again, we do not wish to continue? That seems to rude and cheesy  THREE) Maybe I should see if I can get the younger kids back to in swim?

 

I looked up keeping 13 yr old in dance over the summer, and it costs even more than both kids in swim lessons put together.

[maize]

Under the circumstances I would just politely tell her that you really appreciate the generous offer but have other summer commitments; you will look forward to coming back in the fall.

 

She does not need to know that your commitment is to taking an activity break for the summer.

[ashfern]

Once my son got his black belt we no longer paid for karate, other than belt testing. He has his 2nd degree now & also teaches there. So he gets paid and also takes his classes for free. It's great advertisement for the studio to have their black belts there. 

[Daria]

This is for the teenager?

I would make the right choice for him.   If you think he'd like and benefit from karate, send him.  If you don't think so, then don't.  I don't get the connection, or the sense of "being fair" with the younger kids.  Teenagers and little kids need very different things.

[Hilltopmom]

This is for the teenager?

 

I would make the right choice for him. If you think he'd like and benefit from karate, send him. If you don't think so, then don't. I don't get the connection, or the sense of "being fair" with the younger kids. Teenagers and little kids need very different things.

This. My teen "needs" her main extracurricular. It's her thing. If he wants to continue, let him continue.

[Mergath]

Why don't you let your son decide? If he's a teenager, it should be up to him.

[Arcadia]

Doesn't karate emotionally stabilize your older son? Given that the owner wants your son to continue for free since your son is a long time customer/student, I'll let your son do karate over summer.

Can your 13 year old be his/her dancing teacher aide for a kinder/beginner class to reduce his/her dancing instruction cost?

 

I'll worry about paying for karate when your husband has gotten his first pay check. You could then let the karate dojo owner know that your husband is employed again and you would like to pay going forward. For what it's worth, my kids German Saturday school has hardships scholarships which waive tuition on a semester by semester basis.

 

ETA:

From old threads, OP's second oldest child is a boy but I'm not sure.

Edited May 27, 2017 by Arcadia

[Rebel Yell]

I'm mixed on this. When I'm having a hard tim making a decision, I try to look at it without having cost be a factor (even though in our budget is is almost always a huge consideration)

 

When my oldest was 12, I also had 7 & 5 yos. It worked for one more year to be free of regular summer classes, but after that, Diamond really needed the summer classes to keep up in dance. There was zero need for the youngers to do so.

 

Over time, their interests changed and seasons overlapped, were year round, or just didn't mesh like they used to when they were younger. Advanced levels were only offered on certain days, while younger or beginner levels were available nearly every day.

 

So still not considering the cost of the activities, it sounds like you have some kids (swimmers) who can only "do their thing" in the summer, one (black belt) who would greatly benefit from continuing year-round, and another (dancer) who would benefit from a summer session.

 

It may be time to relax the rules or rethink the summers free of extra curriculars, mainly because of the swimmers.

 

Some alternatives:

Thank the Karate dojo for their offer. Simply explain that you were planning on taking a summer break for several reasons, including cost and family time. Perhaps he can continue with just one day/week instead of a full schedule?

Dance: similar thing. Can she take ballet only, or a new style that she doesn't do during the regular season? (For example, My girls took the 6-week summer jazz classes to learn technique, but we didn't have the time, money, or interest in taking it for the 33-week regular year)

Swimming: any chance of lessons during the school year? If not, and you have the money, I would keep the lessons. Not swim team, just learning to swim? If you do keep the older kids out of summer classes, and your main goal is learning to swim, could the same amount of money be spent splitting private lessons for a shorter but more effective plan for learning to Swim?

 

Good luck! This is good preparation for the future when work schedules, rehearsal schedules, dance class, shows, karate class, Buble study, youth group, and everything else make family dinner together at 6:00pm every night a rarity. (Don't worry, we find plenty of ways to be together, it just isn't always dinner)

[maize]

This is for the teenager?

 

I would make the right choice for him.   If you think he'd like and benefit from karate, send him.  If you don't think so, then don't.  I don't get the connection, or the sense of "being fair" with the younger kids.  Teenagers and little kids need very different things.

 

I agree with this. My earlier response assumed that you had made the decision to take a break based on what was best for the entire family in terms of summer commitments. If that is accurate then the offer of free lessons shouldn't change things.

 

If, however, karate is important to your child's wellbeing and continuing over the summer would have a significant positive impact, then go for it. And no, children do not need some kind of equal treatment when it comes to activities; what they do need is for each to have their personal needs and desires to taken into consideration, and weighed against the cumulative needs of the entire family.

Edited May 26, 2017 by maize

[SKL]

I agree with letting the child decide.  If your other kids complain, explain that it's no extra charge and that they are free to do "no extra charge" things such as playing at the park etc. (whatever counts in your situation).  You could also offer to give them lessons yourself in some outdoor stuff or a musical instrument.  :)  I would also look for some free stuff like library summer programs that they could do.  But, of course not so much that you find yourself back in the rat race.

[Daria]

As far as the fairness thing, I would make sure your younger kids know that this is something your son has earned.  That they made the offer because of how hard he worked, and that you hope that when they are older they also earn opportunities.  

[marbel]

I don't know the ages of all your kids.  The karate kid is older than the dance kid, who is 13, and then there are the 5 and 7 year olds?

 

Opportunities for older kids shouldn't hinge on fairness to younger kids.  If karate is a good thing to continue with, and it won't disrupt other plans, then go on with it, and be thankful to the owner for offering it.  Explain this to the 13 year old dancer, and tell him he may have similar opportunities at some point.  The younger kids can understand, or at least be told, that this is a perk of being older, working hard, etc.

 

 

Edited, sorry to assume wrong gender of child.  

 

Edited May 27, 2017 by marbel

[foxbridgeacademy]

I wouldn't deny my child the opportunity to continue working on something they love because younger kids might feel "left out".  My mother did that to me and I still resent it 30 years later (although I try real hard to deal it was part of an over all issue).  Couple options to consider- You could see if Dojo Master will "hire" DS as an unpaid assistant with an eye to eventually teach?  Then it's a job not an EC.  Take the youngers 1X per week to do something fun, free, or cheap while older is "working" (art in the park, you can get messy, nature walks etc...).  See if there's any other artsy type activities that are free/cheap for 13 y.o. something like theater would go nicely with her dance interest. Or like PP said explain that the older you get the more of these type of opportunities come along IF you work hard for them.

[bettyandbob]

I'd let him continue.

 

If an explanation needs to be offered to your dancer DS, I'd say as simply that DS earned a free summer based on his hard work at the dojo, so essentially DS did pay for it himself.

 

Eta: I apologize that I assumed your dancer was a DD, but my answer is the same: your older child earned his summer spot himself. My dd's ballet studio did have older students who got free classes in exchange for assisting with preschool classes, costume inventory, birthday party groups, etc. I think these sort of things can be arranged in a variety of programs, based on a student's hard work and skill.

Edited May 27, 2017 by Diana P.

[maize]

I'd let him continue.

 

If an explanation needs to be offered to your dancer DD, I'd say as imply that DS earned a free summer based on his hard work at the dojo, so essentially DS did pay for it himself.

Off topic a bit but...I've noticed a couple of posts assuming the 13 year old dancer is a dd. I don't think we should make that assumption; quite a few of us have sons who dance :)

[Arcadia]

Off topic a bit but...I've noticed a couple of posts assuming the 13 year old dancer is a dd. I don't think we should make that assumption; quite a few of us have sons who dance :)

Going by old threads, OP's secondborn is a boy. Isn't it easier for boys to get dance studio scholarships (as in fees temporarily waived)?

 

I think OP has a baby too so five children?

[Arctic Bunny]

Off topic a bit but...I've noticed a couple of posts assuming the 13 year old dancer is a dd. I don't think we should make that assumption; quite a few of us have sons who dance :)

From a thread about boys in dance:

Did I reply already?

 

I am in TX and we had a horrible time finding ballet, not hip hop. You can PM me if you like and I can tell you where my son goes.

Edited May 27, 2017 by arctic_bunny

[QueenCat]

With the issues you've mentioned having with your son, I'd think karate would be a great place for him to be. Kids do not need equal activities or equal money spent on activities. Fair and equal are not the same.

[justasque]

When your olders have left the nest, you will still be doing ECs with your youngers.  It doesn't have to be exactly equal, all the time.  In most areas there are plenty of free activities for youngers - concerts in the park, library programs, etc.  You can find things for your youngers that aren't paid activities.

 

[LauraBeth475]

We frequently made different activity choices for my oldest child compared to younger siblings. Honestly, the kids always accepted that without much fuss.