J-rap Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 This seems so unimportant in the whole scheme of things! :) My (childhood) family is very close, and my sister-in-law just announced today that she is having a big celebration for my brother's landmark birthday, who I am very close to. This is happens to fall on the Sunday of Memorial Day weekend, and I've unfortunately already planned for my own family (4 kids + 2 spouses) to gather several hours away at a cabin for that whole three-day weekend. I have the cabin reserved, and I can't cancel it at this point due to it being a holiday weekend. Ugh. If I had known even a week ago, I possibly could have cancelled, but that deadline has passed. My family (parents, etc.) are very disappointed that I can't attend my brother's gathering, and I'd love to be there! But plans are made. What would you do? I feel badly not being there, but on the other hand, I have my own family (adult children) already planning on our Memorial Day weekend away. I'm generally pretty practical and I think I will just tell my parents and sister-in-law (and brother, of course!) I'm so sorry, but plans are made and that's that. But my brother and I do have a special relationship so this is bothering me. The cabin is about 3 hours away from my where the party will be held so I suppose I could drive there alone for the afternoon to be part of the celebration, but I don't know... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paige Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 I'd skip it and plan a special day with your father another time. You can't make every event and it's not fair to your family to disrupt your prior plans. It's kind of short notice to be planning a Memorial Day event. Surely they know it's a common time for people to make plans. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linders Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 I'm sorry for your dilemma! But SIL gave you less than 2 weeks notice for a holiday weekend. It was a bit hopeful on her part to assume you had no other plans, and unfair of the family to make you feel the least bit guilty about sticking with your original plans (made well in advance). Perhaps you and DB can have a nice meal out before or after the weekend. 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 That's not enough notice! Skip it and celebrate with him another time. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 I'd go to the cabin. It's a birthday party not a wedding. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 You already have plans, and this is announced on short notice, so it is not reasonable to expect you to drop everything and attend the birthday party. Prior commitment trumps new plan, IMO. You can visit with your brother another time, when there isn't a big party and the two can spend some time together and actually talk. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EMS83 Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 Since DH and I skip family gatherings without any previously arranged engagements, I think you're fine. ;) 3 hours isn't anything to sneeze at, but that's up to you and your comfort. Since these are your adult children and their spouses, I'd feel extra justified in going ahead with your own plans and maybe trying to have lunch with your brother the first week of June. Or next week, even. If he wants. Good luck; don't let guilt ruin the weekend! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 I'm pretty upfront with my family. I'd blurt out that I'm so sorry I can't make it but I have plans that are too difficult to change and wish they had given me more notice. I'm sure you can say it more eloquently lol. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lavender's green Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 If you have a special relationship with your brother, then surely he will understand that you cannot cancel holiday weekend plans with your own large family on extremely short notice? I'd go out to dinner with him later in the week and call it good. I'm confused as to why everyone else is so very disappointed over this. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted May 18, 2017 Author Share Posted May 18, 2017 Thanks everyone... I get caught up in trying to please everyone, especially those I care for so much! Thanks for affirming my more practical thoughts about it all. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 I'd feel a little miffed that I didn't get a good "save the date" for a landmark celebration on a holiday weekend. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaybee Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 Is there phone reception at the cabin? Because I would go with my family and enjoy the time together. Then, at some point, give my brother a call (as well as plan that later outing someone else suggested). If I were your kids looking forward to the weekend getaway, I might feel a bit disappointed over your leaving for a whole day once we got there. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 I think someone wanting extended family on memorial day weekend should have made those plans a minimum of a month ahead. It's a long weekend, and people leave town. You made plans with your own adult children, who have arranged their schedules to gather with you. Sorry your Foo is disappointed, but you have plans. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valley Girl Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 Send your regrets and a nice gift if you wish. Enjoy the weekend you've already planned. Your SIL may be a lovely person, but expecting people to drop everything on a holiday weekend with very little notice is unrealistic. Most people make plans for holidays. If she wanted everyone to be available, she really needed to give everyone much more notice than she did. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 Go to the event you already have planned. If you have internet/cell coverage at the cabin, arrange someone to Skype with you so you can give your brother a birthday wish. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vonfirmath Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 Is there phone reception at the cabin? Because I would go with my family and enjoy the time together. Then, at some point, give my brother a call (as well as plan that later outing someone else suggested). If I were your kids looking forward to the weekend getaway, I might feel a bit disappointed over your leaving for a whole day once we got there. Agreed. I would NOT disappoint your kids, their spouses for a last minute invitation elsewhere. It makes it feel like you'd rather spend time with your brother and family than your kids and their spouses if you are willing to cancel plans with them/majorly affect them for a "better offer" that came around at the last minute. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 I'd keep the plans you already have. On your brother's actual birthday can you take him out for breakfast or lunch or coffee? Take him a bunch of balloons or something? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigMamaBird Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 I'd keep the plans you already have. On your brother's actual birthday can you take him out for breakfast or lunch or coffee? Take him a bunch of balloons or something? This is what I'd do. A nice, intimate lunch, just the two of you, would be really nice. You could actually talk and have a nice time. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 If you have a special relationship with your brother, then surely he will understand that you cannot cancel holiday weekend plans with your own large family on extremely short notice? I'd go out to dinner with him later in the week and call it good. I'm confused as to why everyone else is so very disappointed over this. Maybe they're disappointed because it's not just the OP who can't come, but also her DH and her 4 kids and 2 spouses. The party shouldn't have been planned without more notice, but if the OP doesn't come that means that 8 guests can't come. That's a big hit on the guest list. I can see the rest of the family feeling disappointed that they won't get to see OP and her crew at the party. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted May 18, 2017 Author Share Posted May 18, 2017 Maybe they're disappointed because it's not just the OP who can't come, but also her DH and her 4 kids and 2 spouses. The party shouldn't have been planned without more notice, but if the OP doesn't come that means that 8 guests can't come. That's a big hit on the guest list. I can see the rest of the family feeling disappointed that they won't get to see OP and her crew at the party. Yes, I think this is a big part of it. Our family is a big chunk of the guest list! (We would all have gone.) The party is actually on the day of his birthday, which we have not celebrated as a family together for probably 30 years! ha Life happens and we live 4 hours apart and birthdays were never a big deal as we got to be adults. So this was not anticipated at all. We've often done our own thing on Memorial Day weekend. Just wish we had had more notice. Our cabin was cancellable up to two weeks before the weekend, but it's too late for that. They'll understand, certainly, but will still be disappointed. (Although honestly, my db will probably be the least disappointed because he is really not into celebrations like that. :)) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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