When couples fight in public

[DawnM]

Man, what a weekend.

 

*I* had a great weekend at the beach, but I did witness THREE different couples fighting.  They were all in parking lots.

 

One was a woman and a man screaming at each other.  We drove off before we found out the outcome of that one.  Another was a man in a car and the woman outside, again, screaming at each other.  I don't really know what they were saying, but she eventually got in the car and they drove off.  The third really bothered me.  The woman came out of McDonald's and put the large drink in the truck.   The next thing I know, a drink comes flying out of the truck, at her, hits the door, and goes all over the place.  He starts screaming at her and calling her an F-ing B, and then proceeds to berate her and said something about her being ashamed of him and they can't even go anywhere together anymore because of her being embarrassed by him, etc.....then he called her names and got out to go into McD, I guess maybe to use the restroom.

 

It didn't get physical, except for the flying drink and it didn't hit her directly.

 

Would you have called the police?  

 

It definitely stressed me out to witness it, but it didn't seem police worthy.  Was I wrong?

 

It has been eating at me and I have been worried about the girl.  She seemed a little on the cowering side, but I wasn't there long.

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

I would not have called the cops for any of those.  

 

I called the cops once when walking by a bus stop and witnessing a man pushing around a woman until she eventually fell on the ground, where he began to kick her.  It was terrifying.  I actually would have stepped into it, because I'm the confrontational type, but I was wearing my first child in a front carrier and didn't know what that weirdo would do.  It was pretty clear either drugs or alcohol were involved.  

 

Chances are very good that had you called the cops, they would have either ignored the call, or showed up and the woman would have denied any abuse.  (Obviously I consider that behavior abusive (going both ways if both are screaming at each other) but I don't think verbal abuse is something the police can really step in and deal with, kwim?).  

[Lanny]

Approximately 2 weeks ago, after a (American Airlines ?) flight landed, 2 women who had been arguing during the flight, were wrestling on the floor of the aircraft, as passengers were trying to deplane. The Captain  got involved and he tried to separate them and he was suspended for one week, while the airline investigated and found that he was only trying to stop them from fighting...   Both women declined to press charges.

 

ETA: It was a Delta flight: 

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2017/04/29/delta-defends-pilot-smacking-brawling-female-passenger-in-video.html

Edited May 8, 2017 by Lanny

[marbel]

I wouldn't have called the police.  The third incident sounds like a possible abuse situation, true.  But most likely the people would have gone by the time the police arrived.  Even if you had gotten the license plate, the cops would be unlikely to go looking for the car.  They could look up the owner, who may or may not reside in that jurisdiction. So they may not even talk to them.  Or, if they did, most likely it would be as Monica said:  the people would say that everything is fine.  

 

I probably would have called child protective services if there had been a child in the car and if I had been able to record the license plate. Though most likely that wouldn't go anywhere either.  

[SKL]

I would not have called the police for the reasons mentioned above.  I would worry about the individuals though.

 

Sometimes I say something from a distance when I see people going overboard in public.  Like "whoa, that's not necessary" or similar.  Mainly to make them take note that their behavior is over the top as well as public.

[creekland]

It would not have even occurred to me to call the police over that.  People fight.  They're human.  

 

Some humans are also in bad relationships, but they'll almost always cover for their sig other - esp if the fighting is "just" verbal.  It's even tough to get them to do something when the fighting is totally physical.  There's nothing the police can do TBH.

 

I'd have probably said prayers for them.

[Anne in CA]

I do think the third scenario sounds abusive, but I don't think the police would be able to do anything about it. Public humiliation is very fun for abusers and they are super good at not crossing the line of illegal in public, while reducing the person they are with to nothing. They do it get make the other person feel like no one will help them. And when the abuser gets really ugly, the abused is too discouraged to call for help. 

[winterbaby]

Throwing things is not just verbal. But I wouldn't call the police for the drink incident. I would stop and do the old "ma'am, are you OK? you know he shouldn't be treating you that way, you don't deserve that" kind of thing.

 

BTW abuse situations can often look like "mutual fighting" as the victim attempts to stand up for her (usually, not always, her) self. This can be difficult or impossible to judge from a snapshot glimpse of behavior in public.

[Farrar]

I might have called the cops on the third, honestly. It would depend. I have called the cops a couple of times seeing couples fight in the street in front of my house. One was obviously abusive - the man outright hit the woman. I could hear the sound of it from inside. But in the other case, the guy was screaming obscenities at the woman and he shoved her. It wasn't super violent, but... I'd say it was maybe on the level of the drink thrown at her. Good grief. Of course, I had the added excuse of, it's the middle of the night and people are screaming.

 

I can't imagine having a drop out fight in public like that with anyone. It's just so bizarre. But people do it.

[wintermom]

There is a reason many couples don't play doubles tennis partnered together. Fighting in public, on the tennis court, would be much more common, otherwise. ;)

 

These situations in the OP are far beyond this, of course, but it does illustrate that under stressful conditions, tempers can explode. Casual onlookers don't have any clues about what is causing the pressure.

Edited May 8, 2017 by wintermom

[luuknam]

Maybe if it seemed like it was hot coffee. Otherwise, definitely not.

[bethben]

We had a couple behind us in church have an argument while the sermon was being preached.  They weren't whispering.  They were talking somewhat softly, but I'm sure we weren't the only ones who could hear them.  Dh went up to them and told them that maybe this wasn't the time and place and maybe they should go somewhere else.  They continued.  Dh tried...

[katilac]

No, based on what you're reported, I would not have called the police for any of the incidents. 

[LucyStoner]

A man and a woman were having it out in the Target parking lot last night. Nothing physical but he was being incredibly loud and derisive. My old son was with me because I'd taken him to get sheets, socks and underwear (life's essentials ;)) He was disturbed by it. I waited a minute in the van to make sure it wasn't physical but I didn't see anything that I felt warranted calling the police. Based on what you said, I wouldn't have called on the incidents you described either. Maybe the last one.

Edited May 8, 2017 by LucyStoner

[Ananda]

We have neighbors.  They regularly scream at each other from either side of the street.  At first I thought it was scary, but now it is just "how they are".  They say terrible things and disturb everyone, but I think they are pretty harmless.  One time the lady was yelling "call the police, someone call the police," so I did.  You shouldn't yell stuff like that, people might actually you know call the police.  They were so angry with us.  And honestly, while I kinda knew she was fine, she might have actually been in danger.

[Melissa in Australia]

Once I had just come from refereeing Basketball and still had my refereeing clothes on, unfortunately I had taken off my whistle. I went into the supermarket and there were a couple fighting at the chips/junk food isle. I so wished I still had my whistle on as I would have called a time out on them both so I could get my items that were right behind them.