The big question is upon us....

[C_l_e_0..Q_c]

I hold in my hand my son's Ritalin prescription... The doctor has been mentioning it since DS was 6 or 7yo... So far, we've always said no. But now DS is 11, and still has problems with impulse control. He still has problems "staying on target" when working.

 

Our philosophy is to let kids grow before assuming there's a problem. That's why we didn't go with Ritalin when he was 6yo. But now, we're asking ourselves questions.

 

Impulse control:

just this morning, I was reading a medication box. You know, the fine print on the side? I tend to read those all the time. DS was curious. So he extended his hands, right between my two arms, and grabbed the box. He wanted to read it, and couldn't wait ! The fact that he invaded my personal space, and the fact that I was still reading the box didn't slow him down. Is that still within the norms for an 11yo boy? It felt very 3yo to me...

 

"staying on target":

I'm giving him dictation. His sister (she's 8yo) is in the living room, playing and keeping quiet. He can hear her though. If she mentions a toy, he will get up and run to his room to get the toy and join her game. Right in the middle of dictation! Ok, 6yo, 7yo would do that, and I wouldn't be worried. I'd call them back to the work table. But should I worry with an 11yo?

 

The doctor says he's very jumpy. The neurologist said DS has Asperger. The pediatrician we saw this morning says Ritalin can help with that.

 

Oh, what to think? What to do????

[Ria]

You have nothing to lose by trying it, right? You can always stop if you want to. I'd give it a week or two and then evaluate whether or not this medication is making a positive impact.

 

For what it's worth, I work with a girl who was on similar meds until she was about 17. Then she didn't need them anymore. She remembers vividly how she'd stop taking the meds during summer breaks and the difference it made - to her - when she went back on them in the fall. I guess I was surprised to hear that it made a difference to her. We hear so much about how the parent sees a change in the child, but she says she felt so much better on the medication...she could focus, follow instructions, etc.

 

Ria

[TravelingChris]

Ritalin is a very quick processing drug. You can try it and see if it works. There is no slow withdrawal needed. I do want to caution that too low doses will not help and may give worse behavior. I have had two on ADHD medicines and one is still on them now.

[Diannab]

Firstly, don't take what I say the wrong way. I offer my two cents for what it is worth and nothing more. :D This is a very important decision, not only for your son but for your entire family. We believe in letting the child mature, as you said you do. There are ways to help a child 'train' their impulse controls and their behavior. :) My youngest daughter is on the autistic spectrum so I can tell you that it is a hard road traveled. We were offered numerous pharmaceuticals when she was younger, but we declined and decided a child psychologist was the best option for our family. We also did a ton of therapy! :) It will get better in time, but it is a lot of work.

 

Some children actually benefit from the use of Ritalin. If you have a university near you that will do a brain wave study, that is what I would do. :) From what I understand children that will benefit from Ritalin or other similar medications have a distinct brain wave abnormality that can help identify them.

 

I am sorry if I wasn't much help. I tried to offer advice, but remain as pc as possible. :D That is hard to do!

[Jugglin'5]

OK, those are behaviors that I would totally expect from my almost 11 yr old boy, and behaviors that would be disciplined. To me they are just normal things that demonstrate that they still need help learning self-control. It just takes longer with some kids, and some days are better than others. All that to say, what you are describing doesn't throw up any red flags for me, but I wouldn't shrug my shoulders and ignore the behavior either, iykwim?

[Rhonda in TX]

I definitely understand where you are! I think if DH would agree, I would try it.

 

Something to make you feel better... A good friend has a DS with ADD. He is 11 and they started him on medication a year ago. They also didn't jump into medicating. He has done wonderfully on it. In fact, he LIKES taking it. He can tell the difference himself and how it is helping him.

 

Try it. It often takes some time for the body to adjust, so I'd give it at least a few weeks.

[Heather in the Kootenays]

The Ritalin makes it far easier for him to be socially acceptable. Without it, he'd have no friends because of inappropriate behavior.

 

If it was me, I'd find a trusted friend who knows your son IRL and would be able to judge what's age appropriate. I'd ask her the question.

[Rebecca in VA]

Cleo, I want you to know that I'm wrestling with the very same issues right now. The very same. My daughter's very capable of doing grade-level and higher work, but she has trouble staying on task and checking for mistakes. It's affecting all the areas of her life right now, including her social life (she tends to talk too loudly, invade people's space, and converse on topics no one is really interested in). I could never send her to school because she would be incapable of sitting in a seat all day. Her piano teacher wants to give her advanced-level music, but L. makes too many careless mistakes. My heart is breaking for her. I know that with just a little *something* -- whether maturity, or medication, or both -- she's capable of achieving at a very high level. I'm on a doctor's waiting list right now to have her evaluated for medication, but I don't know if I have the nerve to go through with it. Best wishes to you as you make your decision.

[Carrie12345]

The Asperger's makes the situation rough. You might discover his impulsiveness is curbed with Ritalin. Or, you might discover that the lack of awareness for personal boundaries or other people's feelings remains, due to the AS. They're two very different things.

 

There's really only one way to find out.

 

Lots of luck to you!

[Storm Bay]

The drawback to Ritalin is suppressed appetite and weight loss. I know some who only give one dose in the morning to get their dc through school hours, which may help with keeping your ds's weight healthy.

 

Other ideas to try (which you may have already done) are reading the books Smart Moves: Why Learning is not all in Your Head and Brain Gym. There are physical things that can help some with focus. That said, you've already waited five years to see if he'd outgrow it or learn to focus better, and if you need to try this, go for it.

[Michelle T]

There is no question my DS, 12, is ragingly ADHD (as is DH) along with other LD's.

 

He's been on Ritalin LA for around a year now. The difference is striking in terms of his ability to focus and actually learn when taking meds. I do not see so much improvement in impulsivity, but there is some.

 

There is no difference in his personality, no "zombie" or any such thing. He is always a very cheerful, super-silly, active boy, meds or no. They just help him actually pay attention long enough to learn.

 

Anyway, you have nothing to lose by giving the meds a try. If you see no results, just stop using them.

Michelle T

[Melora in NC]

My ds, age 10, does the same things as your son. He is very distractable (things like blurting out ideas he is having for halloween costumes or about which Yu Gi Oh cards he would like to get in the middle of poetry recitation) and doesn't recognize personal space boundaries. We don't want to medicate but keep being tempted. I hope you will update us with your opinion of the results, if you decide to try the Ritalin!

[mamapjama]

I'm just popping in here for a quick second, but wanted to toss out the idea of seeking chiropractic treatment. Maybe do a search on it. We have REALLY found this to be a tremendous benefit here. Just our situation, and I know each one child is different, but I just wanted to give you another avenue to pursue if you were not sure about medication.

Trust your insticts :grouphug:

[C_l_e_0..Q_c]

I'm revisiting this thread to give everyone an update.

 

Not too long after this thread, I had a dream (while sleeping, an actual dream). I'll spare you the details of the dream, because it doesn't make much sense, but in the dream, my son was condemned to death by hanging, the old fashioned way, where they just kicked the chair from under you and you die of strangulation, not with a broken neck. Anyway, in my son's case, he had to do it himself, no one to kick the chair away from him. It was just horrible to see him try to die that way, and at one point, I (the dream I, not the awake ione) realised he was trying so hard to die just to come up to our expectations of him! We expected him to die, so he tried hard.

 

I woke up at that point (I had time to free my dream-son though before waking up!), and swore I would not medicate him until he's old enough to choose of his own free will. I won't stand in his way then, but now? No way!

 

While I know there are cases where kids truly benefit from Ritalin and like, I think, in our case, it's just that he doesn't 'fit the mold of the perfect child'. Yes, he's distractable, yes, he's fidgety. But so what? That's who he is! He did agree to take the Ritalin, but the dream made me realize he agreed only because he wants to fullfill our expectations of him.

[amy g.]

This thread is so timely for me. My oldest has Asperger's and possibly ADD and possibly a learning disability. I have always handled it by controlling her environment and diet as well as reminding her about appropriate behavior.

 

Now, she's 14, and I wonder if medication would allow her to focus and make everything less of a struggle for her. I'm meeting with her doctor tomorrow to make a plan.

 

Then this afternoon, her Spanish teacher stopped me in the parking lot to beg me not to medicate her. She said that my daughter's problem is simply that she is a genius, and someone that smart is not going to necessarily fit into the expectations of this world. She is afraid that medication will dull her mind and dampen her spirit. She said to let Dd try medication as an adult instead. I promised I would think about it.

 

Now, I come her for one second to avoid washing the dinner dishes, and I read this thread. It really makes me wonder if this message is meant for me.

[EKS]

My son just recently started on ADHD meds. He is 12 and we have tried everything to overcome the ADHD behaviors. The medication was the missing piece. I'm not thrilled with some of the side effects, but his medication is short acting and he only takes it once a day to get through lessons. The change has been amazing.

 

It won't hurt to try and you should know pretty quickly if it is working.

 

ETA: I didn't see your second post until after I posted. I'm glad to hear you were able to make a decision.

Edited November 7, 2008 by EKS

[Chelle in MO]

I'm revisiting this thread to give everyone an update.

 

Not too long after this thread, I had a dream (while sleeping, an actual dream). I'll spare you the details of the dream, because it doesn't make much sense, but in the dream, my son was condemned to death by hanging, the old fashioned way, where they just kicked the chair from under you and you die of strangulation, not with a broken neck. Anyway, in my son's case, he had to do it himself, no one to kick the chair away from him. It was just horrible to see him try to die that way, and at one point, I (the dream I, not the awake ione) realised he was trying so hard to die just to come up to our expectations of him! We expected him to die, so he tried hard.

 

I woke up at that point (I had time to free my dream-son though before waking up!), and swore I would not medicate him until he's old enough to choose of his own free will. I won't stand in his way then, but now? No way!

 

While I know there are cases where kids truly benefit from Ritalin and like, I think, in our case, it's just that he doesn't 'fit the mold of the perfect child'. Yes, he's distractable, yes, he's fidgety. But so what? That's who he is! He did agree to take the Ritalin, but the dream made me realize he agreed only because he wants to fullfill our expectations of him.

Oh, my goodness, Cleo! What an alarming dream! It sounds like it really gave you a sense of peace about your decision, though. That's wonderful!

 

I would like to second mamapjama's chiropractor recommendation. I have always been a traditional medicine type, but began seeing a chiropractor last year and am amazed at his knowledge of the human body.

 

Also, a different chiropractor spoke about wellness at my homeschool group's meeting this week. He mentioned a young boy who was on ADHD meds before trying chiropractic care. The chiropractor (along with the boy's parents) was able to make incredible changes in his life through diet and chiropractic adjustments.

 

I wish you the best with your son,

Chelle

[C_l_e_0..Q_c]

It really makes me wonder if this message is meant for me.

Maybe my dream was meant for both of us? It was stressful enough for two, I can tell ya that!

 

My son has no learning disabilities. In fact, he's advanced. He was playing with hexadecimal notation yesterday. Today, with matrices. He asked me to explain what's the determinant of a matrix. Hmm, son? Momma forgot. :001_huh:

He's 11, having a major blast with Lial Introduction to Algebra. No learning slow down here!

 

He can be part of a group. He's the first boy on the local synchro team, the team that regularly sends synchro swimmers to the Olympics. He can follow a routine, he can tolerate all those girls lifting him out of the water (I saw him today for the first, way cool!)

 

So why would we medicate him? Because he's fidgety and a day dreamer? Because the doctor said so? It's annoying to me but does not seem to stop him from functioning in various situations.

 

Yes there are kids who are 'saved' by this medication. But I can't see the need for our son anymore.

[LilyK]

I am glad you came to the decision that you did. Here is some information to consider in case you want to want to weigh these same options again in the future. In my opinion, these drugs help a very small percentage of the population. I would really want to be certain that my dc was one of those few who could be helped before medicating.

 

http://www.add-adhd.org/ritalin.html

 

BTW, we considered, and were given a prescription for Aderrall for our ds. We decided against it.

[Meliss]

Since you are in Canada, you might want to find out if there is a neurodevelopmental therapist in your area and get him tested. Neurodevelopmental therapy is more available in Canada than in the U.S. and can be quite helpful in dealing with behaviors such as you are describing in your son.

[cin]

I have posted before about this topic. I FINALLY, at age 43, was diagnosed with ADD and started on Adderall. It has changed my life, and I WISH I had been on it 30 years ago. My life would be SO different. Of course, I was NOT homeschooled, but my social life was a train wreck, as were family realtionships. Now that I'm on it, I am, quite honestly, a MUCH better parent, wife, and person.

 

Honestly, I would talk to my child, and give the option to try it. Do it for a week or two, and then discuss how they feel. See how it is from yours AND his perspective. You can both discuss the benefits and drawbacks fully informed, and then decide which route to take. Having been there, done that, I cannot imagine denying someone the chance to function 'normally', without feeling like a failure, having people constantly mad at them, and just NOT understanding what is 'wrong' with them.

 

jmho ;)

[C_l_e_0..Q_c]

I but my social life was a train wreck, as were family realtionships.

 

But that's my point. My son's social life is not a wreck. A bit weird at time because of Asperger, but he does have friends. He does act appropriately in a group environment. He does not suffer.

 

I would not deny medications to all children who may need it, but right now, I realize he would take the medication to please me, not to feel better about himself. And I don't think that's a good enough reason.

[C_l_e_0..Q_c]

Since you are in Canada, you might want to find out if there is a neurodevelopmental therapist in your area and get him tested. Neurodevelopmental therapy is more available in Canada than in the U.S. and can be quite helpful in dealing with behaviors such as you are describing in your son.

 

I wish I could. But we're underground homeschoolers. Therapy would risk that status...

[RhondaM.]

Just keep a close eye on him. Last month I finally gave in and let my 15 year old try it. I had been too afraid to try it when he was younger for fear that he would not be able to explain to me how the medication made him feel.

 

I never wanted to have him take it, period. But he is 15 and has never been able to focus and it won't be long until he is driving...and well, the time came that we felt the need to just TRY it.

 

Within 3 days of being on it my kid was wound up and could not handle what he was feeling. It made him feel so bad that he went to bed in tears. And he said it made him feel very....frustrated...and ANGRY.

 

And it was a low dose.

 

His cousin took it most of her life and did fine with it. It was very helpful to her. So I know that some kids need it..and that for those kids it really can work.

 

Just...keep an eye on him. I know you will...but my kid really frightened me with it and I'm glad he wasn't off somewhere with friends when it finally hit him.

[Storm Bay]

But that's my point. My son's social life is not a wreck. A bit weird at time because of Asperger, but he does have friends. He does act appropriately in a group environment. He does not suffer.

 

I would not deny medications to all children who may need it, but right now, I realize he would take the medication to please me, not to feel better about himself. And I don't think that's a good enough reason.

 

:iagree: I also agree with that Spanish teacher another poster mentioned (well, I'm modifying it here since not all kids that are different are geniuses) that extremely bright/hg/pg kids are just plain different much of the time.

 

I think there are very few who truly need medication and get true benefit; it's great that it's available for them. Honestly, I think in ps more physical activity would help some of the kids that are so fidgety and restless. Around here they get almost none.

[EKS]

Just a question to consider--how can he know *before* he takes the medication whether it will make him feel better about himself? I know my son didn't know how his medication would affect him until after he had taken it. None of us did. It was an experiment and, in our case, it worked like a charm.

 

I completely understand about not wanting to go the medication route and totally respect that. But I don't quite follow your reasoning about how he would be doing it to please you but not because it would make him feel better about himself.

[C_l_e_0..Q_c]

But I don't quite follow your reasoning about how he would be doing it to please you but not because it would make him feel better about himself.

 

Simply because he's quite happy the way he is. Does that make sense? He does not suffer from his fidgeting and does not understand why he should sit to work. And frankly, I can live with those quirks. If he can perform at the pool, in music (it's his 6th year of violin and he's starting playing with an ensemble) and in theatre without medication, and without everyone being on his back all the time, isn't he allowed to be slightly different? (ok I sound like I"m on the defensive here, but I'm only thinking aloud)

 

The main point of my decision is that he is quite happy the way he is. He's just forgetful, but less and less. The other day, he did two hours straight of math, without daydreaming. A very intense 2 hours.

 

I'm just trying to find where this Ritalin would help him. Not me, him. Did you see Zits a few weeks ago? His mom is bickering "do you have this, that, did you do this?etc.." When Zits gets out of the car, he realizes he's got no shoes on! His reaction? "Moms are so forgetful". That strip made me realize that most boys are forgetful, fidgety and day dreamers. My DS is just a little bit more so. http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/fun/zits.asp?date=20081102

Edited November 8, 2008 by CleoQc

[Pamela H in Texas]

My daughter just started adhd medication (concerta) in August. She was 15, almost 16...so I understand waiting really well. However, the difference my daughter felt immediately was worth the medication. I'm glad we finally did it. I kinda wish we had started at 9 or 12, but it was a hard decision and I can't change the past.

 

I say go ahead and try it.

[Rebecca in VA]

Wow, I've been watching this thread with so much interest. Cleo's original post inspired me to take the step toward Ritalin for my 11-year-old. She has now been on Ritalin for two days, and it seems to be helping her a lot. She's more hyper than normal, but there's a sharpness and alertness about her that wasn't there before. She whipped through a pre-algebra test yesterday in record time and didn't make a single careless mistake. She walked into a social gathering yesterday morning and greeted the girls appropriately (meaning she didn't immediately launch into a monologue about the cute things her dog had been doing lately). She baked biscuits from scratch this morning -- she normally never cooks if she can help it -- with a smile on her face and *without burning herself.*

 

Time will tell about whether Ritalin's the right medicine for her, but so far things are looking good.

[Tammyla]

Cleo,

:grouphug: I understand where you are coming from and wanted to thank you for the update. Your son sounds like a very intelligent guy. Y'all are welcome at out house any time.

 

I'm revisiting this thread to give everyone an update.

 

Not too long after this thread, I had a dream (while sleeping, an actual dream). I'll spare you the details of the dream, because it doesn't make much sense, but in the dream, my son was condemned to death by hanging, the old fashioned way, where they just kicked the chair from under you and you die of strangulation, not with a broken neck. Anyway, in my son's case, he had to do it himself, no one to kick the chair away from him. It was just horrible to see him try to die that way, and at one point, I (the dream I, not the awake ione) realised he was trying so hard to die just to come up to our expectations of him! We expected him to die, so he tried hard.

 

I woke up at that point (I had time to free my dream-son though before waking up!), and swore I would not medicate him until he's old enough to choose of his own free will. I won't stand in his way then, but now? No way!

 

While I know there are cases where kids truly benefit from Ritalin and like, I think, in our case, it's just that he doesn't 'fit the mold of the perfect child'. Yes, he's distractable, yes, he's fidgety. But so what? That's who he is! He did agree to take the Ritalin, but the dream made me realize he agreed only because he wants to fullfill our expectations of him.

[Storm Bay]

A very interesting novel (for kids or y/a--not sure--the girl is 11, but I enjoyed reading it even though we took it out for my dd ;)), with a very interesting piece at the end by the author, is called Rainy. The protagonist, Rainy, has ADHD, and her parents refuse to put her on medication. The author has ADHD, but grew up before Ritalin, et al. She asks some interesting questions (for eg, how her life might have been different if she'd been on it, would her mother have chosen it if it had been available, and would her life have been better or not). I recommend it for all ADHD parents & perhaps even kids.

 

I fully believe that ADHD is vastly overdiagnosed; the protagonist in this story is definitely ADHD.

[Rebecca in VA]

I think in our case we just realized that it was "time" to take the medication step. My daughter's issues have been getting worse and not better. Her spaciness and silliness, which were adorable when she was little, are not cute traits in an older girl on the verge of young ladyhood. She gets frustrated by her inability to keep her mind steady on what she's doing. Ballet is getting harder this year -- the girls are expected to do fast-paced step sequences, and my daughter often loses track. She has always done exceptionally well in school with very little effort, but she's doing middle school work this year, which is more demanding, with a great deal of reading. Her inability to focus and keep still are affecting **every single area** of her life.

 

I read in "Girls with AD/HD" that boys often outgrow their problems but that girls get worse as puberty sets in. That seems to be the case here.

 

I've found lately that I'm "managing" my daughter's life for 14 hours a day. She desperately needs someone to remind her to clean her room, pick up her messes, brush her teeth, feed and water her dog, eat her food, and so on. I have to stay with her almost constantly to keep her on task. Believe it or not, she was more responsible when she was younger than she is now! And it's not a question of her being spoiled -- she's just oblivious to everything.

 

By the time I made the decision to go to the pediatrician about this, I was in despair. It wasn't a question of "do you think she might possibly have ADD?" -- it was more like "how fast can you help this poor girl?" The ped asked many questions about family history (positive for family members with similar issues) and asked for educational testing (I had the results from testing we'd done a year and a half earlier, which showed huge discrepancies between her true verbal and math abilities and her ability to concentrate in the short term). These things were enough to convince the ped to try a low dose of Ritalin. As I said in my previous post, it seems to be helping, though on the medication she is more hyped-up than she normally is.

 

But, again, I had to get to a point where I knew it was time to take that step. My husband and I have discussed this issue for years. We have watched our 17-year-old son do a complete turnaround for the better after he began taking antidepressants. But somehow we weren't quite ready to put our sweet, delicate little girl on meds...until her problems were clearly taking over her life and holding her back from achieving her goals.