S/o names.....what about hyphenated last names

[Ottakee]

What do you do with hyphenated last names? Do you go by both? The first one? The last one?

 

Our 12 year old foster boy has a first name, two middle names, and a hyphenated last name. It can be a mess as in some places bio mom has it hyphenated, in other places both names with no hyphen, medical insurance is under the second of the last names but he goes by the first of the last names now. Filing taxes was a nightmare as it had to match his SS card....which we don't have.

 

His name is V (first) L A (2 middle names) and then S-L (hyphenated last name). He typically goes by V S.

 

Then his 1/2 brother has 2 last names but no middle name and is a junior....but no one is clear if last names are hyphenated or not....as 2 of those siblings have hyphenated and one does not.....all with the same birth father and same 2 last names.

 

How do you handle hyphenated last names? Is there a correct or legal way?

[Minerva]

My kids have two last names though the names are not hyphenated. For casual every day use they only use their first last name, for all legal or official documents they use both last names. It has never been a problem (knock on wood). 

Edited June 26, 2016 by Minerva

[JFSinIL]

Since he is 12 now, I'd let him decide which name to use, bearing in mind that insurance needs to use whatever gets him medical care if needed (this year, BCBS thinks I am my husband's b'date, so providers have to use it to get paid.)

[SparklyUnicorn]

For legal stuff I'd go by the first and full last name(s).  Usually you don't need to include middle names.

 

 

[madteaparty]

My kids have two last names though the names are not hyphenated. For casual every day use they only use their first last name, for all legal or official documents they use both last names. It has never been a problem (knock on wood).

Same here

[Miss Peregrine]

My youngest has a hyphenated last name. Anything legal has both names. Socially he us known as M ourlastname.

[Miss Peregrine]

Dp.

Edited June 26, 2016 by Miss Peregrine

[Janeway]

I just do not. And if 2 last names MUST be used, hopefully they are both short so they can just be smooshed together. Like Fairsmith or Fairbrook. But SullivanSpunskinski is terrible, as is Sullivan-Spunskinski. 

 

i think parents so a huge selfish disservice to the child when they give them a name like that. If Sullivan-Spunskinski marries Valdiev-Montego, then the children become Sullivan-Spunskinski-Valdiev-Montego? Then what happens to the grandchildren? It is just terrible! They need to pick a name and not force this on the child. Ultimately, somewhere down the line, there is a big chance the child will have to pick between the two surnames given and that is an unfair choice to expect the child to make. 

 

I like the idea of a married couple coming up with their own name. https://www.yahoo.com/style/husband-made-last-name-got-150000299.html  I tried to get my husband on board with this. An "ours" name. But he thought it was too weird. Whatever. I am still working on him! LOL Maybe by the time we move to the nursing home....

[J-rap]

I always thought that if it's hyphenated, then both names are used.  But, if he likes to just go by S, then I think that's fine in most cases except when it is a legal document.

 

If they're of hispanic origin, or at least from some Latin American countries, people often have two last names.  For example, in Costa Rica, a baby is given his father's family name as a first last name, and his mother's family name as a second last name.  I think often they use only one, although on any legal document they use both last names. 

 

[Ottakee]

I always thought that if it's hyphenated, then both names are used. But, if he likes to just go by S, then I think that's fine in most cases except when it is a legal document.

 

If they're of hispanic origin, or at least from some Latin American countries, people often have two last names. For example, in Costa Rica, a baby is given his father's family name as a first last name, and his mother's family name as a second last name. I think often they use only one, although on any legal document they use both last names.

They are Hispanic. He has birth father's last name as his 2nd part of his last name. We have no idea where the first part of the last name (the one he uses) comes from. It is not moms or dads or any other known relative.

 

It is just a pain legally as we don't have his social security card to know how it is written on that card.....hyphen or no hyphen.

 

I let him chose what to go by at school, camp, sports, etc but use the legal name where required.

 

Anyone know how that works in the military? He is in Civil Air Patrol right now and his uniform has his first last name on it but not the 2nd last name.

[J-rap]

They are Hispanic. He has birth father's last name as his 2nd part of his last name. We have no idea where the first part of the last name (the one he uses) comes from. It is not moms or dads or any other known relative.

 

It is just a pain legally as we don't have his social security card to know how it is written on that card.....hyphen or no hyphen.

 

I let him chose what to go by at school, camp, sports, etc but use the legal name where required.

 

Anyone know how that works in the military? He is in Civil Air Patrol right now and his uniform has his first last name on it but not the 2nd last name.

 

The Hispanic people I know who have two last names (our SIL from Costa Rica, and others) do not hyphenate their two last names.  But again, they primarily use only one except in legal documents, so I don't think that's unusual for your foster son to want to do it that way.

 

Not sure how it works in the military!  

 

Our SIL generally uses his first last name.  I think using the first last name, the father's, is more the tradition.  

[MrsWeasley]

My kids have hyphenated last names. They get insurance through their dad, so for all their medical records they use his name. All legal documents have the hyphenated name. I wasn't married when we had our first, and now I'm separated. I'm glad I didn't capitulate and give her just her father's last name. Women change their names all the time. I won't be offended if she takes a partner's name or chooses to use just her father's name as an adult, and I hope she knows that. However, right now? All of us sharing a last name (or at least one of them) helps us feel like a family, which is especially important for my family right now.

[OhanaBee]

Socially I am known as MarriedLastName-MaidenName.  Legally I am only MarriedLastName.  Our children all had MarriedLastName on their legal stuff. 

 

Oldest took her husband's name when she got married.  Middle and her fiance are talking about creating a new name for themselves.  I think that's fine, but dh and grandparents are horrified.

 

It's not as if any of us have unusual last names.  Ours are probably some of the most overused last names in the English [me] and Spanish [dh] speaking world.

[catz]

My legal name is hyphenated - MaidenName-MarriedName.   I honestly just wish I had kept my maiden name.  It's confusing and they're 2 short easy names - 3 syllables total.  It doesn't help that son's name is MaidenName when I'm calling to make appointments etc it's confusing.  I use both names but rarely correct is someone calls me MarriedName.  Although, I always want to say they must mean my mother in law and do in the case of telemarketers asking for Mrs. MarriedName.  ;)

Edited June 26, 2016 by WoolySocks

[kewb]

I have 2 last names. No hyphen and I normally go by both. Sometimes for expediency I choose one of them to give. Like a restaurant reservation.

 

I tried to get do to take my last name too when we got married. He wasn't forward thinking enough at the time. Friends of ours took each others names and their kids have hyphenated last names. There take on marriage is when they get married they can choose what they want their last names to be. The hyphenated children's last names is not so uncommon where I live.

[Crimson Wife]

My parents saddled me with a clunky hyphenated name and I couldn't wait to dump it after marriage. Trying to find records from before I was married is a nightmare. Imagine my name was Jane Doe-Smith. The records could be under:

 

Doe-Smith, Jane

Smith, Jane D.

Doe, Jane

Doesmith, Jane

Smith, Jane-Doe

 

I just had to complete a background check for the speech & language pathology assistant clinical coursework and after listing various "aliases", I got flagged because somebody had records listed under my married name hyphenated with dad's surname. So imagine in the hypothetical example my married name was Brown. The records were listed under "Jane Brown-Smith". :glare:

Edited June 26, 2016 by Crimson Wife

[SKL]

If it is part of their culture, I would keep it as is.

 

This would be difficult for me (if my kids had a dad), because I wouldn't want to change my last name, but I'd want my kids to have the same last name as both parents.  I'm not sure which is more trouble - the mom having to change all her life documents to a new name, or the kids having to carry both names around (and figure out what to do with that when *they* have a family).  But maybe nowadays people are no longer confused by the idea of a kid and parent having a different last name.

 

I had an employee from Brazil whose name was this long (substituting different names but same # syllables):

 

Roberto Montenegro y Caldiz Rios de Mendez  (his last name is 6 words).

 

And that was before he got married (to a local girl in Hungary).

 

The Hungarian marriage officials had a really hard time deciding how to handle that.  I'm afraid to ask what his kids' full names are.

Edited June 26, 2016 by SKL

[amo_mea_filiis.]

I just do not. And if 2 last names MUST be used, hopefully they are both short so they can just be smooshed together. Like Fairsmith or Fairbrook. But SullivanSpunskinski is terrible, as is Sullivan-Spunskinski.

 

i think parents so a huge selfish disservice to the child when they give them a name like that. If Sullivan-Spunskinski marries Valdiev-Montego, then the children become Sullivan-Spunskinski-Valdiev-Montego? Then what happens to the grandchildren? It is just terrible! They need to pick a name and not force this on the child. Ultimately, somewhere down the line, there is a big chance the child will have to pick between the two surnames given and that is an unfair choice to expect the child to make.

 

I like the idea of a married couple coming up with their own name. https://www.yahoo.com/style/husband-made-last-name-got-150000299.html I tried to get my husband on board with this. An "ours" name. But he thought it was too weird. Whatever. I am still working on him! LOL Maybe by the time we move to the nursing home....

When my son was born, his father had a near tantrum in the hospital. He was whining that he wouldn't have rights to the baby since I was giving him my last name.

 

So to shut him up, because logic was useless, I wrote mylastname-hislastname, shoved the paper in his face, and told him to give it to the nurse.

[Miss Peregrine]

My son's is Hispanicsoundingname-Germansoundingname. It doesn't sound great. Lol

[fdrinca]

I just do not. And if 2 last names MUST be used, hopefully they are both short so they can just be smooshed together. Like Fairsmith or Fairbrook. But SullivanSpunskinski is terrible, as is Sullivan-Spunskinski. 

 

i think parents so a huge selfish disservice to the child when they give them a name like that. If Sullivan-Spunskinski marries Valdiev-Montego, then the children become Sullivan-Spunskinski-Valdiev-Montego? Then what happens to the grandchildren? It is just terrible! They need to pick a name and not force this on the child. Ultimately, somewhere down the line, there is a big chance the child will have to pick between the two surnames given and that is an unfair choice to expect the child to make. 

 

I like the idea of a married couple coming up with their own name. https://www.yahoo.com/style/husband-made-last-name-got-150000299.html  I tried to get my husband on board with this. An "ours" name. But he thought it was too weird. Whatever. I am still working on him! LOL Maybe by the time we move to the nursing home....

 

Yep, we also selfishly saddled our children with a hyphenated last name.

 

I kept my name as I was established professionally under that name. I was guided by other females in my academic department, based on their experiences and mistakes, to keep my name, and I believe it was the correct choice.

 

We were also guided by the experiences of other peers who ran into social problems when their children had one last name of a mixed-name family. (Lots of: oh! you're their **real** mother! varieties.)

 

So our children have two last names; both names are common as mud (imagine: Smith-Jones), but together form a unique name. 

 

They go by both names, abbreviate their names using the two initials, but will have the freedom to chose whatever name they'd like as they get older. We sincerely do not care which name they chose.

 

So far, we've had zero problems with record keeping, social situation, or any other possible complication.

[Crimson Wife]

 

We were also guided by the experiences of other peers who ran into social problems when their children had one last name of a mixed-name family. (Lots of: oh! you're their **real** mother! varieties.)

 

My mom kept her maiden name and us kids having the clunky hyphenated name did not eliminate this issue. The only thing the hyphenating did was make record-keeping a huge PITA and force my brothers to go to court as adults to legally dump it (I was able to avoid that by taking DH's name after I married).

 

[Tita Gidge]

My parents saddled me with a clunky hyphenated name and I couldn't wait to dump it after marriage. Trying to find records from before I was married is a nightmare. Imagine my name was Jane Doe-Smith. The records could be under:

 

Doe-Smith, Jane

Smith, Jane D.

Doe, Jane

Doesmith, Jane

Smith, Jane-Doe

 

I just had to complete a background check for the speech & language pathology assistant clinical coursework and after listing various "aliases", I got flagged because somebody had records listed under my married name hyphenated with dad's surname. So imagine in the hypothetical example my married name was Brown. The records were listed under "Jane Brown-Smith". :glare:

 

I kept my maiden name upon marriage and considered hyphenating the kids' names. But I asked around and nearly everyone shared with me the same experience you just shared. So I nixed the idea and gave them their dad's last name. We spent years as a military family and the last thing I wanted to deal with were (extra) logistical nightmares every time we moved - doctors, schools, everything. My dad laughed because until then he didn't realize my stubbornness had a ceiling! The ceiling was personal convenience LOL.

 

As it ends up, I have one son who wishes to change his name to my maiden name. I said he had to wait until he was 18 and could legally do it on his own. I have another son who is likely to follow that same path. I'm sure that will generate an entirely new set of logistical chaos, but it'll be theirs to deal with - not mine!

 

My SIL changed her name at marriage but regretted it later. She hyphenates the kids' names HERS-DADS. And it's true! Some places alphabetize it by HER letter and some by DAD's letter. I guess there's no standard? Or is there a standard that they'd have used in the 10s or 40s or something when we still learned cataloguing and old-school grammar stuff, and it's just a skill we no longer know? They're military also, should be fun.

[Amber in SJ]

I kept my Scottish maiden name & added my married last name which is two words (Oh, those silly Dutch) without hyphenating so my full name is....

 

Mrs. Amber MiddleName McSmith Van Doe.  

 

It has caused some hilarity and makes for a long signature.  Also most official forms don't have room so they end up dropping parts  and they don't match up so every time we have to do something official I have to get an AKA form notarized, because my name could be:

 

Amber MiddleName Doe

Amber MiddleName Van

Amber MiddleName VanDoe (no space)

Amber McSmith Van Doe (no middle name)

And so on......

 

To further torment my children I gave them my maiden name as a second middle name leaving Van Doe as their last name.  When my dd got married last month we lobbied hard for her to add just the Van to her new husband's very English 3 syllable last name for them to share.  He was for it but dd said it was too weird.

 

I tell my kids they can use whatever combination of names they want.

 

Amber in SJ

 

 

[Ottakee]

Sounda like there are no real standards. I obviously have nothing to say about this legally. I just get stuck trying to figure out what name/combination things are listed under. Then to add to it, some places just put the foster kids under our family name for even more fun.

[Janeway]

I will admit, we selfishly did it too! That is why I call it selfish, lol. We couldn't agree. I suggested a combo name or a whole new name. A combo name would be taking part of both names, not all? And putting them together. So Sullivan and Splunskinski would have a baby with the surname Sullinski or Splunvan. ROTFLMAO. Those combo names are actually better than how ours would have been!

 

So, one of the older kids had both surnames, no hyphen. Well, everyone always dropped one. And it sounded ridiculous. And I saw a movie where the parents got divorced and made the child pick between the parents and it was awful!' Suddenly, I saw a future where the children felt like they were picking between the parents when dealing with their names. So, we dropped one. Now all the kids only have one surname.

[Tap]

Use both.  Always.

 

I don't know if you can as a foster, but I would start changing the records everywhere you can to have both names listed.  Start with social services and the insurance company (assuming he has state insurance), and once that is fixed then do the doctors offices, pharmacy, therapists etc.  If he gets free meals at school, it will likely be based on him having social services, so you will need to do that before fixing the school records.

 

Teach him to use both names. Always. 

 

 

If a person decides to hyphenate the name that is the legal name.  They shouldn't use variation of that name at will.  It would be like someone having the last name Van Winkle, deciding to use Van in  some places and Winkle in others.  

 

 

It is a huge nightmare in the medical field for people to use 2 different names.  Socially, use what ever you want, but for any legal purposes, please use the full legal first name and  last name. 

[bettyandbob]

People who are Spanish or Latin American have specific naming patterns using two last names. However someone born in the US may not have these naming patterns correctly reflected on legal documents for a variety of reasons. (for instance I don't believe hyphens are used)

 

In college one friend told me it was very important to her to give her dc both last names because she always felt the mothers side of the family is forgotten. I don't think this is true in my family. I changed my name, and my dc all have dh's name.

 

I see making up a new name is becoming quite popular. I'm sure about sociological implications , but it must be a nightmare for anyone interested in genealogy.

 

When I taught 25 years ago I had a student in a family where everyone had a different name ( mom, dad, son , daughter). The parents thought this was important to their dc being recognized as individuals.

 

Also when I was teaching, many school documents had child's name. If I didn't have a whole file I often didn't get the mom's name correct.

 

I do think it's nice not to have a long cumbersome name, but I wouldn't say anyone's choice is selfish. There are so many reasons for naming choice other than selfish that I wouldn't just jump to that.

[Mabelen]

I am from Spain. Our system is followed in many other Spanish speaking countries. Under Spanish law, everyone has two family names, no hyphen. The first family name is derived from the father's first family name, while the second family name comes from the mother's first family name. All legal documents will reflect both family names.

 

As an example, Roberto González Moreno marries Isabel García Pinto. (ETA: under Spanish law the wife never takes the husband's last name, it simply is not possible.) They decide to give their child a first and a middle name: Luis Diego. So the kid's full name is Luis Diego González García.

 

I have a first and a middle name plus my two non hyphenated family names that are different from my husband's last name. Yes, it is a pain when you have to explain and often things will be filed under my second family name instead of my first but it is what it is.

 

In the OP's case, it looks like they changed the family names order, since the dad's first family name should also be the kid's. I would treat the two family names as a unit for practical reasons but not hyphenate them. That way their own kids will be able to take on the first family name only instead of the two as it would have to happen if it were hyphenated. Does this make sense?

Edited June 28, 2016 by Mabelen

[Ottakee]

Loving the cultural lessons and various experiences. He doesn't know where the first of his last names games from. It is not dad's or moms family names. He doesn't know anyone with that name.

[Mabelen]

Loving the cultural lessons and various experiences. He doesn't know where the first of his last names games from. It is not dad's or moms family names. He doesn't know anyone with that name.

Well, that is an interesting situation. Who registered this child's name? There has to be some legal basis for the family name! Maybe the supposed dad wasn't the dad? So the kid's first family name is the real biological dad's first family name?

Edited June 28, 2016 by Mabelen