teachermom2834 Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 Ds always planned on going away to school. It was a priority for him and us and we feel it is what he needs and is best for him. He has a good situation in the school he plans to attend. Money is working out great- better than we anticipated. He will only be two hours away and we are all excited for him. I truly am happy for him and have been saying all year that I am ready for him to go. I actually had wondered if I would be some strange mom that didn't cry at drop off. This past Friday was his graduation ceremony for his umbrella school. Early in the day he sent me a Snapchat of himself in his gown with the caption "Momma we did it". Tears! Then his graduation ceremony featured a slideshow of baby and childhood pictures the seniors had submitted. Tears! This morning at church our pastor was praying for moms in different situations and he prayed "for all the mothers whose nest is about to get emptier". Tears!! I am not normally a quick cry. My 13 yo ds broke down during the graduation video. He said it finally hit him that oldest ds was leaving and he wouldn't get to see him everyday and couldn't go to him for advice. So sad. Ugh. I guess I am not so cool about this after all. It's going to hurt. Alot. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 Hugs 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hopskipjump Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 I feel ya. Dd will be over *20* hours away. 😳 Still not sure how I feel about that. Excited FOR her. But... Wow. That is gonna take some getting used to, to say the least. For all of us. I didn't realize until recently how often I just pop in her room to say something, or how often we will spontaneously decide to go grab some lunch or go shopping together. And now she'll be spontaneous-ing with people I don't even know! 😂 I've already bought several little stationery / card sets to send her letters, notes, news every week. Mostly, it will be for *me*... lol. I need to feel like I'm doing something. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 I won't lie. For many of us it does hurt - and it keeps hurting each time we see them and they leave again, but the worst is definitely the first time. I've consoled myself a couple of different ways. 1) I recall what I was like at that age - how excited and ready - and try to remember that wanting them to enjoy their experiences. 2) Skype is wonderful, as is texting. It's wonderful when they include us in their lives and we can sort of fly with them. 3) I try to enjoy the little things that come about by the nature of their being gone - less laundry, less cooking/cleaning, more "me" time. But I'll freely admit I get awfully wistful for the good old days when my three boys were home and we were setting up some weekly geocaching or new travel plan. We were all close when they were home. I have no regrets about that at all even if it means their flying away from the nest is difficult for me (and hubby). I'd rather have been close than not. I also have no regrets about them flying far away from home (12 hours, 6 hours, close to 20 hours respectively). :grouphug: for you. 15 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlsdMama Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 ((Hugs)) I think it's even harder for us homeschool mamas. DD didn't even go away and it was just a huge change not having her around a lot. I still can't imagine when one goes away. You have my sympathies. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peso Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 Just reading your post made me cry. Big hugs to you...to ALL of us! I dread that last piano recital more than I can say. The first one was when she was 6! Penny PS: Great idea about the writing daily - I love that. My parents just cut me loose and it was really shocking. The school suggested that, but it was awful. And Creekland - what wonderful advice. Printing out this whole thread for when the times get rough! 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom22ns Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 When my oldest left, I was pretty sure I couldn't breath anymore and that I would eventually stop existing. Yep, it really was that bad. I wanted him to go. I was happy for him. He wasn't going far. The school was a perfect fit and he was excited! Creek's list matches mine. I tried to focus on how happy I was for him and how much he wanted and needed the independence. He wasn't like I was at that age, but he still needed to fly. Ds and I text, a lot. It has been a lifeline and he has been great about including me in his life. I have started a new PT job. I have lost 40 lbs. I exercise more and my house is cleaner. There are a lot of good things that having more time meant to me. And don't kid yourself, I'm so excited about him moving home for the summer! I wish my kids would live here forever, but if there is one thing I know it is that the less I hold on the more they can fly and the more they fly the freer they feel to come back. :) 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vida Winter Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 It does hurt a lot, especially the first weeks. You'll all get through it, though. Hugs. :grouphug: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 Hugs. It is hard. I had a rough time when my DD left for college two years ago. But it is not quite as bad as I feared. Phones are amazing. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest2 Posted May 12, 2016 Share Posted May 12, 2016 (edited) Lots of hugs! I second the texting. We still text frequently, often about silly things. I think it was more difficult anticipating life without him home on a daily basis, than it actually was. As one of my friends kept reminding me, "he's not dead, just in college. " Texting is great because you can text when something funny happens, and they can get used to their new life and read texts when convenient. At first , we did text daily. Two hours away is not too far for a mom/son lunch date. After a few weeks, maybe he has time for lunch in his schedule. Over the course of a year, they really start to appreciate visits more( maybe it is getting off campus food)? We didn't make time for this because of a younger sib's activity and i really wish I would have. I did drive up once in a while, but a bimonthly or monthly lunch would have been great. Edited May 12, 2016 by Silver Brook 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teachermom2834 Posted May 12, 2016 Author Share Posted May 12, 2016 Thanks everyone! He already texts me throughout the day just checking in and sending silly stuff. We all got on iPhones and have a family group text going that as ridiculous as it sounds has been very fun and brought us together as we share just funny and interesting things throughout the day. I expect him to continue to participate and text. It is his personality and he has always stayed in touch when traveling away from the family. He did look at schools farther away but at this point I am very grateful it will be two hours. I do expect us to drive down just for lunch or dinner and he says he wants that. He is playing a sport so we will be able to show up at events even if just to give him a hug and drop off cookies :) Thanks for the support. I know there are many of us here that will be going through this. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest2 Posted May 12, 2016 Share Posted May 12, 2016 One more idea for family transitions: occasional family video games with cell phones blaring. I don't know if this helps, but my two ds are almost ten years apart. They set up occsional video game play where they play a multiplayer games with either just the two of them , or the whole family (civ 5). My ds spends thirty minutes or a few hours with us on the phone, chatting as we all play against one another. It is something that we can still do together even living apart. It is silly, and I am not a gamer, but I treasure just spending that time together. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementine Posted May 12, 2016 Share Posted May 12, 2016 I could have written your post. The feelings of last May are still there for me. The tears fell easily! Our dd is now home after her freshman year & I hope I'm more ready to let her go again in August. Isn't it great when you not only love your kids, but you genuinely like who they've grown to be?? Congratulations to all of you :) 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted May 12, 2016 Share Posted May 12, 2016 Ds always planned on going away to school. It was a priority for him and us and we feel it is what he needs and is best for him. He has a good situation in the school he plans to attend. Money is working out great- better than we anticipated. He will only be two hours away and we are all excited for him. I truly am happy for him and have been saying all year that I am ready for him to go. I actually had wondered if I would be some strange mom that didn't cry at drop off. This past Friday was his graduation ceremony for his umbrella school. Early in the day he sent me a Snapchat of himself in his gown with the caption "Momma we did it". Tears! Then his graduation ceremony featured a slideshow of baby and childhood pictures the seniors had submitted. Tears! This morning at church our pastor was praying for moms in different situations and he prayed "for all the mothers whose nest is about to get emptier". Tears!! I am not normally a quick cry. My 13 yo ds broke down during the graduation video. He said it finally hit him that oldest ds was leaving and he wouldn't get to see him everyday and couldn't go to him for advice. So sad. Ugh. I guess I am not so cool about this after all. It's going to hurt. Alot. Yeah, it's killer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted May 13, 2016 Share Posted May 13, 2016 It's awful. But you are close enough to drive over, take him to lunch or supper, spend a couple of hours and go home. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom22ns Posted May 13, 2016 Share Posted May 13, 2016 I have another way to keep in touch! Send him off with a very unreliable car--it's amazing how much you hear from them... :lol: Not actually planned here, but I got another nice call today... :lol: :lol: :lol: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DebbS Posted May 13, 2016 Share Posted May 13, 2016 Yep. It's bittersweet. I am not a crier - I go for years without shedding a tear. I didn't cry when we dropped off my son mainly because I had to drive for the 4 hour trip home and it's not good to cry and drive. But the next day...I cried when he wasn't in his usual chair. I cried at the dinner table. I must have cried a dozen times. Then I cried when I did laundry and none of his clothes where there. It does get better. I love having him home for breaks and for the summer, but I don't cry anymore when he leaves. He's making good choices and I don't worry beyond the normal stuff that Moms worry about. I'm going to make sure that I'm stocked up on tissue when he graduates because I suspect that I'll cry often the first summer that he doesn't come home for the break. :sad: 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hoggirl Posted May 13, 2016 Share Posted May 13, 2016 (edited) It wasn't as hard for me as I thought it would be. Ds is > 1,800 miles away. We don't have near the level of communication that some of you do, but we always have a weekly phone call (usually about 30 minutes). We do some texting during the week, and I occasionally message/forward him something of interest on FB. I think everyone has to find what is right for their own family. I must say I have been feeling a bit sorry for myself as of late. Probably b/c of Mother's Day. Many friends of mine have kids at our local Big State U. Even for those who have kids farther away, many of them are now home for the summer. Ds did not come home for Spring Break, and he is working on campus through the end of July. We will have gone seven months without seeing him by the time he gets home!!! That's just a long time! Edited May 13, 2016 by Hoggirl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowbeltmom Posted May 13, 2016 Share Posted May 13, 2016 :grouphug: I also could have written the OP's post this time last year. My son is about a 12 hour car drive away. However, it was not the distance that upset me - I would have been the same emotional wreck if he were living on a campus down the street. What upset me was the realization that a phase of our family life was ending. It does get easier. He Face times with me and my husband every night and texts with my other kiddos throughout the week. I try to concentrate on how happy he is, which helps. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkTulip Posted May 14, 2016 Share Posted May 14, 2016 (edited) Oh boy, do I ever relate to you! My oldest DS is only going about 1.5 hours away, but I am going to miss him so much. He had 3 major surgeries last year in the course of about 12 months, with lots of hospital time, and lots of 24/7 care followed by months of weekly PT appointments. We spent Christmas Eve /Day together in the hospital, and then he was in a hospital bed in my bedroom for about 3 months total. So we have spent a LOT of time together, have a lot of silly little inside jokes, etc. I feel like we are closer than most of his friends are with their moms just based on the amount of time we have spent together. My DH also has MS, so my son has really helped me by being "the man of the house" when I needed help but DH was unable. I have relied on him a lot. I am so happy for my son, grateful that he is completely healed and has the opportunity to spread his wings. He is totally focused, knows exactly what he wants to do, and has chosen a University that will prepare him well for his chosen path. But man, I am going to miss him like crazy! ETA: spelling Edited May 14, 2016 by Pink Tulip 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angela in ohio Posted May 15, 2016 Share Posted May 15, 2016 We had similar goals for dc to go away. In theory it sounded great, and it is. But I had a medium-sized breakdown for about three months after first dd left two years ago (I turned 40 at about the same time, so it was a double whammy.) She is twelve hours away. It was the end of an era, and an era I loved SOOOO much. No more whole family traveling here and there together, no more all sitting around the living room reading together, no more working together on projects. We were very, very close, even through the teen years, and now our family is dwindling (second dd leaves in the fall, and though she will be only 45 minutes away, we want to treat it like she is far away.) I go wildly back and forth between "let's adopt a half dozen kids and do it all over again" and "I can't wait until I can have a career and we can travel far and wide." We talk every day at least once, and I send roughly monthly care packages. We have had plenty of parenting left to do... getting her through etiquette questions of first internships and jobs, dealing with issues in groups she runs and learning to lead, filling out paperwork and dealing with money. I think the hardest part was that it was about so much more than missing one child. It was about change in general, and the first step toward a new family structure and a transition. :( 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heart_Mom Posted May 15, 2016 Share Posted May 15, 2016 We had similar goals for dc to go away. In theory it sounded great, and it is. But I had a medium-sized breakdown for about three months after first dd left two years ago (I turned 40 at about the same time, so it was a double whammy.) She is twelve hours away. It was the end of an era, and an era I loved SOOOO much. No more whole family traveling here and there together, no more all sitting around the living room reading together, no more working together on projects. We were very, very close, even through the teen years, and now our family is dwindling (second dd leaves in the fall, and though she will be only 45 minutes away, we want to treat it like she is far away.) I go wildly back and forth between "let's adopt a half dozen kids and do it all over again" and "I can't wait until I can have a career and we can travel far and wide." We talk every day at least once, and I send roughly monthly care packages. We have had plenty of parenting left to do... getting her through etiquette questions of first internships and jobs, dealing with issues in groups she runs and learning to lead, filling out paperwork and dealing with money. I think the hardest part was that it was about so much more than missing one child. It was about change in general, and the first step toward a new family structure and a transition. :( You all are helping me to better appreciate my current stage with all my kiddos here. It's so nutty here sometimes, but also so wonderful ... so full of life and bubbling over with fun and activity. This was the reality check I needed today. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grantmom Posted May 15, 2016 Share Posted May 15, 2016 I agree! Reading this is absolutely making me treasure every minute. We are starting to talk about college with oldest DS, and this is on my mind so much. How different our lives will be! How different younger DS' high school experience will be without his older brother here. I just cannot imagine it. It has been so amazing. Your description, Angela, made me treasure that we do have all of those things for now. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted May 16, 2016 Share Posted May 16, 2016 I miss my guy, but when one finishes their graduation ceremony (semi-graduation for middle son since he's in their Take Five program), it all just seems so right (assuming they go to college and make the most of their time when there - college is not for everyone). I can't count the number of professors, staff, and friends who took the time to come meet X's mom and dad telling us how much they thought of him - yes - even staff. We miss him, but he can and probably will do great things in his life. He already is in his corner of it. There's that side of it all too. He's not the only Hive kid like this. But I'm still glad we had him for the 18 years we had before he left home. :coolgleamA: (I'm glad we didn't rush him out into the world even though he could have done it sooner.) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hopskipjump Posted May 16, 2016 Share Posted May 16, 2016 I responded to this a week or so ago - and now am in full-blown panic mode. I think it's the frantic-ness of this time of year. All the tying-up of loose ends, end-of-year recitals, ceremonies, etc, while planning ahead for next year for the younger two kids - all while also trying to assist dd with college planning. We are all completely exhausted right now, which is probably adding to the instability of my emotions. I still really think it's the right school for dd, and the right choice for her - but it's soooo far away. And we are such a close family! And I hate change! I just wish I could fast-forward (at least for a day) and peek into the future to reassure myself that dd will find friends, enjoy her classes, love her teammates, and not feel isolated from us. If I could have that reassurance, what a load that would take off of my mind right now!!! (I have a feeling I will be saying that about a lot of things from now on - wish I could peek at their future - for just a minute! - to make sure that they are happy. For children to be happy is most mom's #1 wish - or close to it, and the thing that is most out of our hands! ARGH!!) 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luckymama Posted May 16, 2016 Share Posted May 16, 2016 The night before my twins left for college, I took a picture of us all eating dinner around the kitchen table. Why? Because as we were eating it occurred to me that it was our last meal together as a nuclear family. Once they left for college, it all changed. Yes, they still come home and we still eat together around the table, but it's different now. I'm glad I took that picture on my last night or being a sahm to six boys. ...and that made me cry :grouphug: I'm trying not to think about what will happen when youngest dd heads to college in a bit more than a year. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8filltheheart Posted May 16, 2016 Share Posted May 16, 2016 I'm ok with dd going to college a long distance from home within the US. What I am not sure about are her more frequent conversations about 2 full yrs abroad. :( She is only a rising sr, so I am holding her close every day while I can. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TwoEdgedSword Posted May 20, 2016 Share Posted May 20, 2016 Rising senior here too. And me with a big lump in my throat now... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted May 20, 2016 Share Posted May 20, 2016 Rising senior here too. And me with a big lump in my throat now... Enjoy the time. There will be plenty of time to be wistful later. No sense marring up "now." (Good luck actually trying to put that advice into practice. It's easier to rationally figure out than to do at times.) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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