lovinglife Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 I posted last week about the difficulties my daughter was facing in her first grade classroom. 4 of my 6 children go to a Classical charter school that I adore. The youngest two are home, primarily with my husband, and he does a wonderful job working with them with the Letter of the week preschool curriculum. When he was working I home schooled them for about five- six years. If you recall, my daughter has been struggling with anxiety and outbursts that have been worsening as the school year has gone on. She also recently had an outburst at school and was sent home. Her teacher approached me abut holding her back, which freaked me out, and since then we have initiated testing with the school. I spoke with my daughter in third grade who told me this first grade teacher has a reputation for being mean. Then I spoke with some friends who had/have children in her class. Two have pulled their children to home school due to concerns! Another said her child asks every afternoon if he can be home schooled. He is quite bright but absolutely miserable at school right now. Sending my six year old to school this morning knowing what I now know broke my heart. I feel strongly about getting her tested so I can get her necessary help, but as a child that struggles with anxiety I know that this is not a safe or beneficial environment right now. My husband is concerned about homeschooling her because it's a struggle to work with her on reading, etc. She fights it tooth and nail. Her teacher told me last week she also has a very difficult time with it at school and is not cooperative. However, I can't help but think that if we can find the right curriculum and resources and get her out of the negative environment (apparently she is known to be a yeller :crying: ), she will find her love of learning and her anxiety will begin to improve. I"m not sure if I"m posting just to vent or ask for advice. :confused1: Just putting this out there. Parenting is a rough job! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeachyDoodle Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 ((((HUGS)))) It sounds to me like the teacher is a major part of the problem here. Two families have already pulled their children from her class, and a third is considering it? She has a reputation among third-graders as being "mean"? I take it that since it's a small school, changing teachers is not an option? Have you shared your concerns with the administration? 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravin Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 I'm a big fan of addressing the emotional/mental health issues ahead of academics, especially that young. I would pursue testing, but also get her out of the toxic environment for sure! 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 If there is only one 1st grade teacher and you can't change to another teacher, I'll just pull her out and let her sit in at home while your husband teach the younger two. Maybe she will feel motivated to learn if the younger ones pick up reading. Maybe she won't but there are many audio visual media to learn from at home unlike school. If the only thing bad about this school is the 1st grade teacher, you can always put her back next year. With three kids still in the school, I doubt the school would reject your 6 year old for 2nd grade this fall. In the meantime, you can work on her anxiety first. K-5 is very spiral in schools. Once the anxiety is addressed, catching up is not hard assuming it is only anxiety holding her back. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LLMom Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 You don't have to answer to us, but how is your relationship with this child? Do you feel like you can manage her difficult behaviors at home? Parent-child relationship is very important imho too. I have a difficult child and if she had problems in school, I would have to find a different school option besides homeschooling because her being home would hurt our relationship. Good luck. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 My personal feeling, as the anxious mom of anxious kids, is that no real learning takes place until there's some improvement in the anxiety. Mental health before reading, imo. Phonics will still be there, waiting, for when she's well again. Good luck! You're right - it's hard, this parenting thing. Please, please have a serious look at the anxiety. You can't rely on merely the right environment to cure it. Your DD needs to learn strategies to help herself when she is under stress. Please don't forget this piece if you choose to bring her home. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 (edited) When my kids were 6, homeschooling was 15 minutes of reading practice where they were at. 15 minutes of math of some kind. Some copy work/journaling. And then everything else was much more casual, hands on, and read alouds. And my kids tested WAY ahead every step of the way. If things weren't going well, we'd set them down and pick them up the next day. With an anxious child, I might unschool for a bit. I certainly wouldn't let her stay in that environment even I thought we might re-evaluate in 6-12 months. Edited January 25, 2016 by WoolySocks 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovinglife Posted January 25, 2016 Author Share Posted January 25, 2016 She has already begun seeing a counselor to help with the anxiety, and will be visiting with her weekly. There is one other teacher- I will look into switching- although I substituted as a Para in the other classroom and SHE seemed a bit harsh - but I've heard better things about her. To continue testing I assume she has to remain in school? My relationship, and my husband's (who would be the primary educator), with her is okay- but I do think it's a bit of a worry as she can be difficult. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MooCow Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 As a parent to an anxious child, I wish I had pressed the issue harder and gone with my gut, instead of waiting....for things that never got better. Pull her now. :grouphug: 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 In my area, you can get testing done through the public school system regardless of where you attend, so check into that. I wouldn't be concerned about homeschooling her, because she's in the first grade. There's nothing that can't wait (and I am not an unschooler or even a relaxed homeschooler). Don't let her come home and watch TV all day, of course, but if you minimize screen time and maximize opportunities for hands-on projects and active play, she will be fine for a few months while you suss out some of the anxiety stuff. She could deschool for a few weeks - just tell her you don't have anything planned, so right now she is going to help with her sisters and work on some games and projects. If you can get a feel for where she is, then you can back up to a point where she will start off with success when you do start again with phonics and such. If she has some ideas of what she'd like to do, all the better (some kids enjoy simple workbooks, others hate them, etc). Games, projects, outdoor play, read alouds, copy work - they really don't need much at this age. I would keep her active and engaged, with no worries about progressing to the next stage. At this point, it's more important to figure out where some of the problems are stemming from. What does your dd want to do? You might have to bring it up, she may not know it's an option. Parenting IS a rough job. It hurts to see them hurt. I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you that I am extremely confident that not worrying about academic progress for a few months in the first grade will not cause any long-term harm. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RootAnn Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 I'm so glad you are continuing to pursue this issue. If the other teacher isn't great, you might want to just pull her. I personally would continue to try to get her tested, pull her out (now), let her listen in/join in at home for awhile with no specific obligations on either her or your husband for at least a month or two to decompress. I'd also let her have audiobooks to her heart's content. I'd de-school her for awhile. From now until March or April, I'd find something very, very gentle to help her daily with her reading. I'd add math in March & reading stuff in April. If your husband can handle it, I'd make sure he was doing a lot of read alouds to the kids at home, including this dd. Whatever you decide, :grouphug: . 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reefgazer Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 I had a niece who was a model student at a private school in K and 1st. She didn't like the teacher in 2nd ("mean") and just. stopped. cooperating. Wouldn't lift her pencil So my brother transferred her to another school and she was fine for the rest of her career. So maybe it is the teacher. Is there any harm in withdrawing her for the rest of the year and seeing how it goes? You can always send her back to school if it doesn't work out as you would like. I posted last week about the difficulties my daughter was facing in her first grade classroom. 4 of my 6 children go to a Classical charter school that I adore. The youngest two are home, primarily with my husband, and he does a wonderful job working with them with the Letter of the week preschool curriculum. When he was working I home schooled them for about five- six years. If you recall, my daughter has been struggling with anxiety and outbursts that have been worsening as the school year has gone on. She also recently had an outburst at school and was sent home. Her teacher approached me abut holding her back, which freaked me out, and since then we have initiated testing with the school. I spoke with my daughter in third grade who told me this first grade teacher has a reputation for being mean. Then I spoke with some friends who had/have children in her class. Two have pulled their children to home school due to concerns! Another said her child asks every afternoon if he can be home schooled. He is quite bright but absolutely miserable at school right now. Sending my six year old to school this morning knowing what I now know broke my heart. I feel strongly about getting her tested so I can get her necessary help, but as a child that struggles with anxiety I know that this is not a safe or beneficial environment right now. My husband is concerned about homeschooling her because it's a struggle to work with her on reading, etc. She fights it tooth and nail. Her teacher told me last week she also has a very difficult time with it at school and is not cooperative. However, I can't help but think that if we can find the right curriculum and resources and get her out of the negative environment (apparently she is known to be a yeller :crying: ), she will find her love of learning and her anxiety will begin to improve. I"m not sure if I"m posting just to vent or ask for advice. :confused1: Just putting this out there. Parenting is a rough job! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Okra Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 I agree with the mental health over academic issues. I would pull her out, and immerse her fun, cuddly, reading environment. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted January 26, 2016 Share Posted January 26, 2016 Another vote for mental health over academics! She won't be able to effectively learn with anxiety issues all of the time. Anxiety, in addition to feeling terrible, affects memory and attention, so any academics might not stick right now anyway. I will say that her personal life, as opposed to academic life, will be much stronger when the anxiety is treated. To me, that matters much more than the academics. Continue the counseling, I think it's wonderful you have access to professionals who can help her. If you decide to pull her out and don't want to give her "free reign" you could structure her day somewhat. This might help with her anxiety as well if she knows what to expect in a given day. Some ideas for that would be having meals at consistent times, giving her responsibilities like maybe being her dad's helper as he fixes lunch, either in the kitchen or playing with her younger siblings. If it would work for her she can have a designated "quiet time" to draw, look at books, play a quiet game (she could use a book on "tape" or some calming classical music during this time if she wants). She can have some game time with dad - rotate a few different board games. If you want to make them educational, look at Muggins Math games, they are really good and versatile. You could also have her do games that require her to recognize patterns or sequence things - I think that helps with reading comprehension. How is her handwriting? A little bit of time with Handwriting Without Tears would be easy for your husband to implement if she needs some help there. I wouldn't push either the academic games or the HWT, though, at this point. Do them only if it works smoothly. Of course, if you have a yard, playing outside, riding her bike and activities like that would be great for her. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
City Mouse Posted January 26, 2016 Share Posted January 26, 2016 Since this is a charter school, you may want to consider waiting until after the testing is complete to pull her. The local public school should provide testing, but a charter school will most likely only be responsible to test students who are enrolled at the school. One she is withdrawn, the charter school would not test, and you will have to start the process all over again with the public school district. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovinglife Posted January 26, 2016 Author Share Posted January 26, 2016 I'll definitely wait until I know a bit more about testing. But I'm getting a bit excited- I hope we can work out a situation that will help her blossom- that's all any mama wants! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted January 26, 2016 Share Posted January 26, 2016 (edited) Emotions over academics. She's 6. I'd have her home on the couch, forgetting that school even exists for at least 6 weeks before I even think about re-introducing school-like work. Is the anxiety a new thing since school started? Or has she always been anxious? You say it's getting worse as the school year goes on, so school sounds like a bad place for this child at this time. This teacher sounds like a bad teacher - at least for first graders. If you're only testing based on her recent feedback, I'd forget all about testing and just keep my baby home where she feels safe and secure. Honestly, if I felt testing was necessary, it'd be worth it to me to go through the whole process again elsewhere just so my child would not have to return to what sounds like a seriously damaging environment for her. Edited January 26, 2016 by fraidycat 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kroe1 Posted January 26, 2016 Share Posted January 26, 2016 Homeschool is my vote. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicMom Posted January 26, 2016 Share Posted January 26, 2016 (edited) I had a bad gut feeling about the first school DS was in. It looked like a perfect place on paper and when touring it, but the administrator and teacher changed last minute. DS started suffering nightmares, higher anxiety, etc and I pulled him after a week and a half. Something didn't feel right, but he couldn't tell me. Months later one of the mom's who volunteered at the school called me and told me I did the right thing. The teacher was setting up DS to fail, picking on him, and laughing at his autism. Her own daughter was hospitalized in a children's hospital for stress ulcers. At 6. She pulled her out of the school too. Trust your instinct. Edited January 26, 2016 by MedicMom 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted January 26, 2016 Share Posted January 26, 2016 Don't let it go a whole week. I'd either get her switched to the other classroom today or pull her today. Knowing you're on her side and will take care of her immediately might go a long way in helping her trust you and feel less anxious in general. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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