Which kind of change works best for you? All or nothing or a gradual approach?

[Laurie4b]

I am thinking that people are different in how they successfully make health-related changes (ie changes in diet, exercise, or sleep) in their lives.

 

Hopefully, I've set up a poll, and I did not leave an "other" choice. I suspect lots of us use some combo of the two, but probably lean more toward one or the other and I'm interested in what approach has been predominant when you've succeeded in making a change long-term. (I am also interested in hearing people share what they've learned from their failures using a certain approach.) 

 

I am thinking there are probably two groups (more or less): those who do best long term with a "make the decision and implement a major changes all at once" approach and that there are others who do best with a "make changes gradually" approach. And I am interested in finding out if there are ways to figure out which you are without first failing over and over with the wrong approach. 

 

While I'm interested in percentages, I'm also interested in whether or not there are correlations with other parts of life that would help people predict which approach would work best for them. For instance, do people who are good at keeping a routine do better with gradual changes? Do people who get bored easily do better with an abrupt change? How does self-confidence or a history of not succeeding affect our approach? I don't want to think up all the possible correlations, just throw out a couple to get you thinking about what approach has resulted in the most success for you. ETA: what about perfectionism? Do you consider yourself a perfectionist or a "Good enough" kind of gal? 

 

I'm also interested in hearing about whether a certain approach failed for you and what you think the failure was linked to? Not seeing results quick enough? Expecting results too quickly? Bit off more than you could chew? Not enough planning? Something about your personality? 

 

 

Edited January 12, 2016 by Laurie4b

[Tap]

When I went off of nightshades (a food group that includes potatoes, peppers and tomatoes), I just implemented it overnight.  It was a HUGE change for me. I didn't realize I ate one of those food items at almost every single meal.  When I started, I had some successful days and some days that were failures....and now years, later...I have some successful days and some that are failures.  The difference is that now, I control my failures more.  

 

I prefer to make big changes all at once, because I find that most major changes in life have some large components and some small components.  If I try to change it all at once, I can see that sometimes the parts of the change that I expect to be hard, aren't always what trip me up.  And sometimes the easy things, turn out to be the thing I struggle with.   If I change it all at once, the simple changes just settle in to the new routine without much notice.  The hard things then become very, very obvious for what they are.  Then I can tackle my demons, as I encounter them. 

 

For instance, I love Mexican food. A few nights ago we had tacos.  My chicken was made without traditional taco seasonings, was tomato/pepper free, and that was completely fine with me. I didn't think twice about it because those are small things to me. But all week I had already been craving fresh salsa.  I finally sat down and ate 3/4 cup of salsa and chips all by themselves, even thought I know it will cause me a full day of pain. I chose to eat it by itself, so I could enjoy it and so my body would get over the craving.  I find that for me, if I had had a little bit of salsa on my taco, it wouldn't have got rid of the craving. Then I would have continued to find excuses to keep eating little bits of it as long as the salsa was in the house, and would have bought more to keep around if I was in the store without much will power. 

 

It was the same when I quit smoking at 22yo.  Quitting wasn't that hard due to addiction, it was the habits formed around it.  Taking a break was the hardest time, because I was often bored and by myself.  Before break, I wasn't even thinking about a cigarette, but once I was sitting on the bench outside of work, it was glaring clear that something was missing from my routine.  I finally had to stop taking breaks for a few months until I could figure out a different routine.  

 

And just like the tomatoes, if I had a little bit of cigarette on occasion, I would have slowly picked it back up.  But I could go out with friends to a bar, smoke all night long, and then the next day have no interest in picking it back up.  It was like I got my fix, paid the price (coughing the next day) and my body was over it. 

Edited January 12, 2016 by Tap

[regentrude]

I made two health related changes last year: I cut down on bread (cut out store bought bread completely, and allowed myself some homebaked bread after several months of complete bread abstinence), and I began biking to work.

In both cases, there was no "gradual" easing into it - either I bike, or I don't.

I found it difficult to eliminate bread, because my home culture's diet is very bread centered; I slipped a few times and regretted it.

 

I am not dogmatic about these. I bike as often as I can, but I won't bike in the rain or when I have lots of errands. I can now handle small amounts of commercial bread and will occasionally have a sandwich at Panera. So, I can't define "fail", because there is no "failing" with my goals.

I know that if I set a goal I will accomplish it; I have never failed at anything I set my mind to.

 

I could not define "seeing results quickly". With the bread, my symptoms were related to bread, but not as a one-to-one correlation. With biking, the results are long term: to be in better shape, but it is not something I measure.

 

ETA: Not sure whether these even count as "big" changes. I can't think of anything else health related that I would wish to change; I feel good in my body and see no need to change the way I eat, move, or sleep.

Edited January 12, 2016 by regentrude

[rocassie]

It really depends.  Food wise- I need a drastic change.  Sleep-I need a gradual change whether it is about going to sleep earlier or waking up earlier.  Exercise, also, I had to work up to a good intensity, but I make sure I do it everyday.

[Erica in OR]

Gretchen Rubin has a great discussion of some ways to break categories down in her book Better Than Before. She splits it into four tendencies: upholder, questioner, obliger, rebel, and then other distinctions based on the particular habits. She did a post summarizing it here.

 

Erica in OR

[Guest]

I do better with full changes, cold turkey, but in *small pieces*. So for a diet or activity change, I make the change, but only one or two at a time. Maybe it's beginning to fast with my current plan, or lowering my total carb amount, or adding new exercise. Not all three things at once.

[Laurie4b]

It really depends.  Food wise- I need a drastic change.  Sleep-I need a gradual change whether it is about going to sleep earlier or waking up earlier.  Exercise, also, I had to work up to a good intensity, but I make sure I do it everyday.

 

Question about your exercise change: how would you rate the decision to start to exercise as opposed to conditioning your body to do more? Was the decision to start to do it everyday more of an all-or-nothing decision (I'm going to commit to this every day and right now, I can walk 20 min so that's what I'll do every day) or was it more of a gradual decision (I want to exercise every day, so I'll start by exercising 3 times a week?) 

[UCF612]

I voted gradual but that's mainly because I know all at once doesn't work for me. I've tried it year after year and always burned out. This year I decided to approach it with a gradual chanhe and I already feel better. I don't feel like one mistake makes me a failure like I did before.

 

Eta- just read your whole post. I'll expand my answer when I'm on my computer and not my phone.

Edited January 12, 2016 by UCF612

[UCF612]

Okay I am back to expand my answer.  I copied your questions and will answer.

 

For instance, do people who are good at keeping a routine do better with gradual changes? I am not great at keeping routines but can do it when I really set out and make a plan for it.  For example, a few years ago I followed a cleaning schedule for my home.  I printed it out and checked it daily.  I was excellent at keeping up with my home during that time.  Not sure what happened but I fell out of that routine and things got tougher to manage.  I've recently reimplemented that routine but this time I'm trying a different approach.  Other times I tried to reimplement I failed because I was too rigid.  If I missed Monday's cleaning I would basically give up on the week.  Now if I miss Monday, I either keep moving on or I do Mon & Tues's work together.  Do people who get bored easily do better with an abrupt change? I don't consider myself someone who gets bored easily I guess.  Not sure how I could apply this to me. How does self-confidence or a history of not succeeding affect our approach? I have a total lack of self confidence.  I have failed multiple times at losing weight.  Thus far I have ALWAYS tried an all or nothing approach.  I lost about 20 lbs on WW years ago, then quit when I stopped tracking for awhile.  Once I make a mistake I feel like it is all a waste.  Which I KNOW is not right intellectually but yet it has always been a driving factor in me quitting things.  This year I'm attempting the gradual approach and I'm trying really hard to focus on small steps, building habits, etc and not perfection.  This rolls into your next question, I am a perfectionist with many things and am trying really hard to become a "good enough" type.  I've restarted WW and have started off being focused on daily tracking.  That means that I often go over my point count but right now I'm trying to form that habit and see what my normal is.   That has made me far more aware of what I'm eating, what is high points that I wish I hadn't done, what is high points but I'm willing to adjust other things to work around, etc.  In the past I'd have felt a failure if  I went over my points for a day and then thrown in the towel on the whole week/month/year.   I already feel like it is making a difference.  I'm feeling more in control and know that in a short time I'll have adjusted my normal to work with the WW points and will start to lose weight.  But forming that daily tracking habit is key for me. I feel like finding the right healthy normal gradually will lead to more long lasting results.  When I tried to just cut out all junk I struggled a lot.  I don't want to think up all the possible correlations, just throw out a couple to get you thinking about what approach has resulted in the most success for you. ETA: what about perfectionism? Do you consider yourself a perfectionist or a "Good enough" kind of gal? 

 

I'm also interested in hearing about whether a certain approach failed for you and what you think the failure was linked to? Not seeing results quick enough? Expecting results too quickly? Bit off more than you could chew? Not enough planning? Something about your personality? Yes to all of the above!! haha  Like I said before I failed at the all in approach many times for all those reasons you listed.  My husband and I had a long talk about this as we drove 9 hours home rigth after New Years.  We both agreed that we haven't done well with the do it all at once approach and are working together to get better habits established over time.  I want this to be long lasting for both of us and it is so easy for us to give up when the new and shiny wears off.  I'm real good at doing things short term and terrible at sticking with things for the long haul.  We discussed a lot about how we don't want that to translate to our boys.  We want them to learn to commit and work hard at things long term.

 

Hope that all made sense!

[Word Nerd]

I decided to start exercising 3 times per week. To me that is still a major all-or-nothing change, not a small, gradual one, because it's not my goal right now to work out every day. 

Edited January 13, 2016 by Word Nerd

[Laurie4b]

 

Okay I am back to expand my answer.  I copied your questions and will answer.

 

For instance, do people who are good at keeping a routine do better with gradual changes? I am not great at keeping routines but can do it when I really set out and make a plan for it.  For example, a few years ago I followed a cleaning schedule for my home.  I printed it out and checked it daily.  I was excellent at keeping up with my home during that time.  Not sure what happened but I fell out of that routine and things got tougher to manage.  I've recently reimplemented that routine but this time I'm trying a different approach.  Other times I tried to reimplement I failed because I was too rigid.  If I missed Monday's cleaning I would basically give up on the week.  Now if I miss Monday, I either keep moving on or I do Mon & Tues's work together.  Do people who get bored easily do better with an abrupt change? I don't consider myself someone who gets bored easily I guess.  Not sure how I could apply this to me. How does self-confidence or a history of not succeeding affect our approach? I have a total lack of self confidence.  I have failed multiple times at losing weight.  Thus far I have ALWAYS tried an all or nothing approach.  I lost about 20 lbs on WW years ago, then quit when I stopped tracking for awhile.  Once I make a mistake I feel like it is all a waste.  Which I KNOW is not right intellectually but yet it has always been a driving factor in me quitting things.  This year I'm attempting the gradual approach and I'm trying really hard to focus on small steps, building habits, etc and not perfection.  This rolls into your next question, I am a perfectionist with many things and am trying really hard to become a "good enough" type.  I've restarted WW and have started off being focused on daily tracking.  That means that I often go over my point count but right now I'm trying to form that habit and see what my normal is.   That has made me far more aware of what I'm eating, what is high points that I wish I hadn't done, what is high points but I'm willing to adjust other things to work around, etc.  In the past I'd have felt a failure if  I went over my points for a day and then thrown in the towel on the whole week/month/year.   I already feel like it is making a difference.  I'm feeling more in control and know that in a short time I'll have adjusted my normal to work with the WW points and will start to lose weight.  But forming that daily tracking habit is key for me. I feel like finding the right healthy normal gradually will lead to more long lasting results.  When I tried to just cut out all junk I struggled a lot.  I don't want to think up all the possible correlations, just throw out a couple to get you thinking about what approach has resulted in the most success for you. ETA: what about perfectionism? Do you consider yourself a perfectionist or a "Good enough" kind of gal? 

 

I'm also interested in hearing about whether a certain approach failed for you and what you think the failure was linked to? Not seeing results quick enough? Expecting results too quickly? Bit off more than you could chew? Not enough planning? Something about your personality? Yes to all of the above!! haha  Like I said before I failed at the all in approach many times for all those reasons you listed.  My husband and I had a long talk about this as we drove 9 hours home rigth after New Years.  We both agreed that we haven't done well with the do it all at once approach and are working together to get better habits established over time.  I want this to be long lasting for both of us and it is so easy for us to give up when the new and shiny wears off.  I'm real good at doing things short term and terrible at sticking with things for the long haul.  We discussed a lot about how we don't want that to translate to our boys.  We want them to learn to commit and work hard at things long term.

 

Hope that all made sense!

 

 

Thanks very much for sharing your insights! I appreciate it!

[BooksandBoys]

I do best with all or nothing changes, but at heart, I'm an abstainer, not a moderator. I can give something up completely rather easily, but I just cannot control my intake of something (especially food or drink) without great mental effort that exhausts my willpower.

 

Because of this tendency, I've learned that when I start trying to moderate again (I'll just have tortilla chips at this party), I'll quickly slip back to regular consumption, despite not feeling all that well when I eat them. I'm working on acceptance of this in more areas of my life (I already completely abstain from gluten and have for years, as well as a few other things, but I'll be healthier if I add a few more items to that list).

[creekland]

If/when I decide to do something, it's happening, so I voted all or nothing.

 

However, there are things I cut back on in moderation (like caffeine) because to do otherwise causes health issues I don't care for.

 

I'll purposely add caffeine when I need it to change my natural schedule too.  No regrets.

 

I also allow myself to cheat on any "normal" food regime if I want to.  I don't really see where anything has to be cut out completely, but again, that's not lack of willpower.  It's by design and usually for certain circumstances (to be polite, kids home, etc).

 

I rarely have "want to, but don't do it" issues.

[carriede]

I'm gonna say neither. ;)

 

My one (two?) successful health related change came when I temporarily avoided gluten and dairy for more than a year, twice. Both times, the motivation was the most important factor - I was breastfeeding my young babies who were apparently very sensitive to gluten and dairy in my diet. So I quit cold turkey and was very successful.

 

The things I've tried to do for myself (less sugar, more running, less evening snacking) have been much less successful, especially long term. I just didn't have the motivation to do those things for MYSELF only.

 

Of course, after baby 4 is born, I have big plans to run again and complete my first 5K sometime in 2016. But it's very possible that it's just bark with no bite. Time will tell!

[heartlikealion]

I'm gonna say neither. ;)

 

My one (two?) successful health related change came when I temporarily avoided gluten and dairy for more than a year, twice. Both times, the motivation was the most important factor - I was breastfeeding my young babies who were apparently very sensitive to gluten and dairy in my diet. So I quit cold turkey and was very successful.

 

The things I've tried to do for myself (less sugar, more running, less evening snacking) have been much less successful, especially long term. I just didn't have the motivation to do those things for MYSELF only.

 

Of course, after baby 4 is born, I have big plans to run again and complete my first 5K sometime in 2016. But it's very possible that it's just bark with no bite. Time will tell!

 

:iagree: For breastfeeding it was so much easier to cut out dairy for me than if I had been doing it just for myself.

 

Right now dh is on a health kick and he does the grocery shopping. He tends to do these pretty major changes rather suddenly. This can affect everyone in the household. But then we'll get burned out on some type of food and we might change things up. So, long-term? It's hard to answer. But short-term, it's usually a lot of change at once.  I used to play along more with his dietary changes, but now I'm just trying to be supportive without necessarily changing my own eating drastically. For example, he and ds have sworn off soda for now. I have had Sprite a couple of times, but went without soda for a long time during/after pregnancy. In the past he'd say, "no fast food" and we'd all go along with it, til he caved in. Then I'd just be irritated. In front of him I should try to be mindful of what I eat, though. I know it's really hard when we visit family like over the holiday.

[wintermom]

I do best with food and drink by just cutting things out "cold turkey."  If I try to gradually limit my intake, or vaguely say "I want to eat more veggies," I'm never as successful.

 

For exercise goals, I find I do best with a concrete goal, like a 5km race, to work towards. I also set up a training goal of exercising 3 or 4 times a week, for example.

 

 

[Pam in CT]

Interesting question.

 

I voted gradual, because every change I've every launched that I have actually stuck with for 5+ years or longer, has been an incremental direction (less processed food, less animal flesh, sustained exercise habits, making challah for Sabbath, stepping up the quality of my reading) rather than a full-blown Program.  I do tend to roll out full-blown cold-turkey Programs with considerable enthusiasm, but my record on actually sticking to such Programs has been pretty, uh, inconsistent.

 

 

 

I do best with all or nothing changes, but at heart, I'm an abstainer, not a moderator. I can give something up completely rather easily, but I just cannot control my intake of something (especially food or drink) without great mental effort that exhausts my willpower.

Because of this tendency, I've learned that when I start trying to moderate again (I'll just have tortilla chips at this party), I'll quickly slip back to regular consumption, despite not feeling all that well when I eat them. I'm working on acceptance of this in more areas of my life (I already completely abstain from gluten and have for years, as well as a few other things, but I'll be healthier if I add a few more items to that list).

That's a neat way of looking at it, and I think a useful lens... I think at heart, I'm probably a moderator, not an abstainer.  (I mean, of course there are some things I don't do at all.  But if I do enjoy something, I'd rather have it occasionally than feel like I have signed up for a lifetime of deprivation...)

[rocassie]

Question about your exercise change: how would you rate the decision to start to exercise as opposed to conditioning your body to do more? Was the decision to start to do it everyday more of an all-or-nothing decision (I'm going to commit to this every day and right now, I can walk 20 min so that's what I'll do every day) or was it more of a gradual decision (I want to exercise every day, so I'll start by exercising 3 times a week?) 

 

I set aside time each day M-F that I was physical.  For me the best time was right after we finished school for the day because we were almost always done by 11:30.  I could make lunch and while the kids were eating I would take about 15 min to be physical - take all the laundry upstairs, making a trip for each basket, walk around the house, do some yoga stretches, etc.  The next week, I started with our elliptical- 10 min, then 5 min stretching.  Then each week I added 5 min until I was up to 30 min.  Once I was up to 30 min, then I slowing increased the intensity of the workout. Now I'm at about an hour - workout, stretching, and showering.

 

Part of the reason I started slow on the amount of time was because the kids (my youngest was almost 2) weren't used to me doing this and would constantly interrupt me as in physically trying to get to me, at least the youngest.  By the time I got to 30 min, they were used to waiting until I was done working out.  The 2yo played in the room I worked out but left me alone until I stepped off the elliptical.

[RootAnn]

I chose "gradual." I can't implement more than one change at a time. I'm a one-trick pony. So, if I'm trying to drink more water everyday, that's what I concentrate on until it is part of my routine. That could be anywhere from a month to a year depending on the change. If I try to make sure to take all my vitamins, drink more water, and walk on the treadmill 3-5 times a week, I will fail with all three.

 

I do better with routine in my life and with gradual change. I hate change. When my dentist left to go back to school to be a pediatric dentist, I reluctantly accepted his partner as my dentist. That guy retired within a year or two and the new partner brought in all sorts of changes in the office - including people. I couldn't stand it & switched dentists. I didn't like the new dentist, so I've ended up finding the hygienist who cleaned my teeth for 10+ years who used to work for the old dental practice but whom left after the new dentist came in with all the changes. Change is not good! (My eye doctor also retired last year. I can't bring myself to go back in to see someone different. I keep hoping the office will call & say he's changed his mind or that he's filling in for one of the other ones & has an opening for me. Fat chance!)

 

I'm not a perfectionist. I'm definitely a 'good enough' type of gal. If I miss my vitamins one day or don't get to one subject for one kid in a day, I don't beat myself up. It'll be there tomorrow.

 

When I've lost weight previously, it was an all-or-nothing type of thing, I guess. But, that was pre-kids & before my DH lived in the same city as me. So, I could switch everything up all at once & build it into my new routine. Last October, I decided I would eat less (skipping lunch most days) & walk on the treadmill 30 minutes as often as I could (without saying "every day" since I would fail at that). So far, I've almost lost 20 lbs - with a lot of plateauing along the way. I like to see results in what I do - whether it is reading a book, losing weight, or remembering to grade the kids' papers every couple of days.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I try not to make completely rigid changes.  For example, i have been low carb to varying degrees for many years (lot of diabetes in my family and so far so good at 41).  The thought of saying I must be very low carb forever and always just isn't going to do it for me.  Right now I do want to lose some weight.  Dropping the carbs lower works well for me.  So I have been doing that gradually.  AND I do allow exceptions and treats from time to time no matter what.  Better to do that than completely give up and say I can't do it all the time so I won't do it at all.

 

 

 

 

[abba12]

I make complete major changes all at once, but only ever in ONE area at a time, too many different changes at once will fail, but big changes in one area generally work for me. 

 

So at one point I cut out all soda, energy drinks and sugary drinks from my diet completely, and also temporarily cut out alcohol completely. But during that time, any issues with my house, routine, anything else was put to the side for later, I focused only on the complete change in fluid consumption. 

 

Another time I lowered my portion sizes, worked on moving to wholegrain instead of white carbs again, and worked on eating a proper breakfast instead of skipping. But during that time, again, I tried to keep up any previous habits (like the drink one) but did not try to change anything else about my life, our school, anything. 

 

One area at a time, changed completely. 

Edited January 14, 2016 by abba12

[nd293]

Interesting! I'm pondering this at the moment. I'd add another twist by saying the root issue is often eliminating BAD habits to make room for good ones e.g. If I drank less coffee and coke zero I'd be more inclined to drink water. I think eliminating bad habits may also be more difficult because bad habits are often comforting.

 

I think making a change all at once is usually more effective unless there is physical pain involved. If I stop drinking coffee I get headaches, and I just can't manage my motivation and impulse control when I'm feeling ill.

 

Seeing results quickly is really important in motivating me, so I'd rather suffer something all at once and see quick improvements than lead into things slowly but see minimal improvements.

[Carrie12345]

Hmm. Good thing to think about!  I'm not going to vote.

 

I feel like my biggest, all-at-once approach (regular gym time and a diet, not DIET, that leaned Clean Food) had the greatest impact and, even with a bit of a backslide, has remained my "normal".

 

On the other hand, giving up soda was a gradual process that took forever.  I'll still have a Sprite if we go out, or pick up a diet (eek) iced tea now and then, but I haven't fed my 6-a-day habit in probably 6 years.

 

So, a combo, as mentioned.  But I really don't know which option is stronger for me.