goldberry Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 We moved not so long ago that we still get asked to "show around" when people come over. For the last two months we have had to close off DD's room and bathroom when people come, and I never even offer to "show around" because it is awkward to pass over those rooms. We had a smack down the other day where I told DD I was tired of her holding the house hostage with her mess! UGH!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 I HAVE YOUR ANSWER, PEOPLE!!! Read on! This was me a few months ago; well, about my 12 yo. My 18 yo is disorganized and messy, but at least her stuff is contained; my 15 yo's room could be a display for the Container Store; she is an inspiration to us all. But my 12yo son--yowza; he is (WAS!) so clueless. Anyway, my solution: WE GOT A PUPPY! And we learned that unless you want Hank to chew up your stuff, you'd better keep it off of the floor and, now that he's bigger, off of the tables. My son's floor is spotless now because Hank sleeps in his room. The school room floor is pencil-free for the first time EVER! You are so welcome. You are dangerous, woman. Dangerous. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravin Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 We are moving soon. Maybe I'll just start the packing with the things on the floor. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3 ladybugs Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 Okay I updated my blog with the new system. I forgot one thing but I will edit that in a minute. You can find what I am using here: http://ourunplannedlife.com/2015/11/06/new-program-that-helps-control-our-chaos/ Let me know if you want my templets. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 Not to point out the obvious, friends, but you guys weren't any different when you were kids! Kids don't pop out of the womb cleaning. And, if they're really passionate about cleaning either 1) it's their very special -- unusual hobby -- or 2) they're scared and clean to keep the parents mellow. I don't work on turning my kids into something unnatural. But I do "turn the pot up slowly." In other words, I added chores to their list only every six months or so from the time they were little. Plus I post really clear directions on, for example, how to load the washer, how to use the dryer. I see teaching them to clean, reminding them to clean to be one of my jobs as a parent. Occasionally I explain, "Being a good husband to your wife or even a good roommate in college means doing your part. You don't want people furious w/ you because you never vacuum or take out the trash." (Selfishly I want my daughters-in-law to like me.) Anyhoo, I just wanted to put in a word for the kids. And did I see that someone with kids under two is expecting them to fall in line and clean up?? I want to add that my kids are far from perfect and my home is cluttered. I just read Erma Bombeck when I'm really tired of it. Alley 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RootAnn Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 Okay I updated my blog with the new system. I forgot one thing but I will edit that in a minute. You can find what I am using here: http://ourunplannedlife.com/2015/11/06/new-program-that-helps-control-our-chaos/ A ticket system would never work in our house for so many reasons. We'd just end up with tickets all over the place. Glad it is working for you, though. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abacus2 Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 We had a crackdown about this a couple months ago. Things have improved. The attitudes were the breaking point. They were throwing everything on the floor and fighting every single time we reminded or asked them to do anything. We grounded all of them from all electronics until "they started taking ownership" of their house responsibilities. Asking about when they would be ungrounded would be viewed as evidence that they were still too concerned about themselves and not us having a nice place to live. Ungrounding occurred when we parents noticed consistent acceptable behavior for several days in a row. After more than two months they finally all earned their electronics privileges back. In our home with our 6-11 year olds, acceptable behavior consists of not throwing stuff on the floor, clearing the table and running the dishwasher daily, and helping as asked with a good attitude. We have certainly not reached perfection, but general care of their stuff is improved, and the attitudes are worlds better. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
strange_girl Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 I asked my 8 and 6-year-olds to clean up the living room the other day.... My 8-year-old looked up and said, "Why? Who's coming over, mom?" *blush* hides head in bag. I guess I just don't notice the mess as much as I used to. And 8,6, and 3-year-olds are actually much neater than 4, 3, and infants. At least now they can clean up after themselves if I ask. Maybe not without whining. Life's a process. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 A ticket system would never work in our house for so many reasons. We'd just end up with tickets all over the place. Glad it is working for you, though. I have a dollhouse and lego set all covered with stars that were intended for the star chart. Yay. Moxie, I hear you. I remember being a child thinking, "If it's so important to her, why doesn't she clean?" And my mom would say, "I could clean this whole place in 10 minutes!" and we'd interrupt, "So why don't you?" And she'd flip out and say, "I WANT YOU TO KNOW HOW TO CLEAN!" And my thought was just to say, "But I won't care if my house is dirty. My friends won't care either." And you know what is the funniest thing... when I was an adult I just cleaned my house. Because it was mine. I don't know what to say. My kids are the same. I yell, I bribe, I use reverse psychology. Nothing works all the time. Sometimes nothing works at all. I don't believe for a second I'll miss any of it when they grow up. I guess my only wisdom is, if you want a clean house, just get it done and have the kids outside. If you want THEM to clean, then set a timer and everything not off the floor before they finish goes in a bag into storage so they can try again next week. My mom did this once. Then she dumped the stuff back on the floor. After one week I was like... you know, that's okay, let's just toss the bag, lol! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 I HAVE YOUR ANSWER, PEOPLE!!! Read on! This was me a few months ago; well, about my 12 yo. My 18 yo is disorganized and messy, but at least her stuff is contained; my 15 yo's room could be a display for the Container Store; she is an inspiration to us all. But my 12yo son--yowza; he is (WAS!) so clueless. Anyway, my solution: WE GOT A PUPPY! And we learned that unless you want Hank to chew up your stuff, you'd better keep it off of the floor and, now that he's bigger, off of the tables. My son's floor is spotless now because Hank sleeps in his room. The school room floor is pencil-free for the first time EVER! You are so welcome. This feels like a trap. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peaceful Isle Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 I'm a pretty neat and tidy mom, and my oldest takes after me, and my second oldest is getting much better. That's it. The others just let it all go! My dh is pretty clean as well, most of the time, lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto10blessings Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 I HAVE YOUR ANSWER, PEOPLE!!! Read on! WE GOT A PUPPY! You are so welcome. Um... No. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto10blessings Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 A ticket system would never work in our house for so many reasons. We'd just end up with tickets all over the place. Glad it is working for you, though.Same here, along with the neatly hung papers and ziploc bags... 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tita Gidge Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 I like the idea of getting a roving "rover" as incentive. I'd have to name the dog before turning him loose in the living room, so the kids would know I meant business. He's my employee, not their pet! :laugh: I have one who leaves single, balled, dirty socks around the house. Everywhere. I am not a person who minds disarray, but what I cannot stand is laziness. And taking off a sock only to drop or toss it on whichever square inch of carpet is convenient sets me off like an angry kettle. Originally I started collecting them, quietly, because I figured the offender would eventually (soon) run out of socks. I held them ransom for a chore or cash, whichever I felt like at any given time. But then even that started to annoy me, So then I just started throwing them away because I don't think reasonably when I'm highly irritated. These worked briefly, but old habits and laziness die hard and we were soon back to the usual way. What's been working has been to use them as artillery. I had to get over being the one who collected them from around the house multiple times each stupid day. But I keep a stash going and randomly throughout the day I throw those stinky, sometimes wet, always disgusting socks at this kid. Sometimes one at a time, spread throughout the day; other times, I enlist siblings and we bombard him. Then I make him stop everything right then and there so I can personally escort him to the hamper. Then I pat him on the head condescendingly and tell him, "Good Boy" as he puts them into the hamper. He smiles sheepishly, says he'll do better, and we do it all again a few days later. What helped me with the toys when mine were younger, was to have a few garage sales each year. Not grand ones where I'm planning to bring in a significant haul, or anything, but small kid-centric ones centered around an iced or hot beverage (season-depending). They were vested in culling their collections, and loved earning money in the meanwhile. If I had to pick up a toy more than a few times, I chucked it into the garage sale pile. The other thing that helped me, in a things-will-get-worse-before-they-get-better kind of way, was to assign the kids zones for cleaning. They turned on each other initially, not wanting to be responsible for "having" to clean up after a sibling. So the kid responsible for the living room got stuck picking up someone else's legoes, and the kid in charge of the kitchen had to rinse some lazy sibling's dishes left in the sink. It made them all a bit more emphathetic and aware of their actions. After they got a bit Battle Royale on each other, of course. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3 ladybugs Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 Trust me I KNOW I was the kid that had that bomb go off in their bedroom. I know my children are the apple that didn't fall far from the tree. My kids are not special. If you were to see how my living room looked just 2 weeks ago, you would understand. With me going back and forth to NYC every day with my mom because of my step father's stroke, I can assure you cleaning up after my children was the LAST thing on my mind. As a result, it took my husband, my older son and I, 2-3 hours to clean up the living room and organize things to even go into this system. This weekend we hope to tackle the basement. I can show pictures, it is a HUGE mess down there! My children also love to throw things. It is CONSTANT with them. By locking up the dangerous toys to throw (ever been hit between the eyes with a toy hammer?) I have a much more peaceful house! How I solved the problem with my 7 year old, that could loose sunglasses on his head or a toy that is in front of him, is I made him accountable for the tickets. If he lost the tickets, then he can't have ____. It is as simple as that. I have the master tickets hanging where he can reach them, but they don't have to be there. They could be in a cabinet, or somewhere else where neither of my children have access to them. You loose the tickets, you can't have ___. If his brother has tickets and you don't, then too bad. This happened just last night. I told my oldest that he had to finish his dinner, and have 8 tickets for desert. He had the 8 tickets but he refused to finish his dinner (which was apples and pears on his plate, we are not taking, non kid friendly food here!). His brother meanwhile had the 4 tickets he needed (he needs less as he is capable of doing less at 2) so he got desert. Right now I do not punish my children by taking away tickets. It is only positive. So if they do something good, they get tickets, they don't do something, they don't get anything. Simple. My children LOVE the grab bag. The excitement of seeing what they are going to get is so cool! Have there been times when my older son and younger son did the same task (with the 2 year old doing it the 2 year old way, and therefore not as much as the older brother) and the 2 year old got more tickets then the 7 year old? Yep, but the list of things that the 7 year old can get tickets for is WAY longer then the list for the 2 year old. So he can try again easily. What I am doing is not rocket science. After I started this program with my son, my husband (who I didn't talk about starting this, I just did) said that this is a management tool for business. You give constant feedback to people as the boss, so that when you do have a problem with a subordinate, they don't freakout and assume that they are going to get fired the next day. It also makes the subordinate feel valued. It is actually highly effective, according to my hubby. :) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Another Lynn Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 And then 5 seconds later... It's Sisyphus and the wheel. I want my own guest house. No kids, no husband, and my favorite cat. This. But on the beach. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 I will say that once your kids are older and have a place of their own, they often change! That's when they remember all the great organization/cleaning skills we were trying to teach them all those years. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 I have one who leaves single, balled, dirty socks around the house. Everywhere. I am not a person who minds disarray, but what I cannot stand is laziness. And taking off a sock only to drop or toss it on whichever square inch of carpet is convenient sets me off like an angry kettle. Originally I started collecting them, quietly, because I figured the offender would eventually (soon) run out of socks. I held them ransom for a chore or cash, whichever I felt like at any given time. But then even that started to annoy me, So then I just started throwing them away because I don't think reasonably when I'm highly irritated. These worked briefly, but old habits and laziness die hard and we were soon back to the usual way. What's been working has been to use them as artillery. I had to get over being the one who collected them from around the house multiple times each stupid day. But I keep a stash going and randomly throughout the day I throw those stinky, sometimes wet, always disgusting socks at this kid. Sometimes one at a time, spread throughout the day; other times, I enlist siblings and we bombard him. Then I make him stop everything right then and there so I can personally escort him to the hamper. Then I pat him on the head condescendingly and tell him, "Good Boy" as he puts them into the hamper. He smiles sheepishly, says he'll do better, and we do it all again a few days later. We are kindred souls. You are onto something here. I resorted to artillery as well, when 24 year old was a tween/teen. It took the anger out, it made it funny, but it still got the point across. And there was something liberating about pelting him with his own dirty socks. :) He eventually caught on, and if he leaves sock balls lying around his apartment now, I would be surprised, but at least it's no longer my problem! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 Trust me I KNOW I was the kid that had that bomb go off in their bedroom. I know my children are the apple that didn't fall far from the tree. My kids are not special. If you were to see how my living room looked just 2 weeks ago, you would understand. With me going back and forth to NYC every day with my mom because of my step father's stroke, I can assure you cleaning up after my children was the LAST thing on my mind. As a result, it took my husband, my older son and I, 2-3 hours to clean up the living room and organize things to even go into this system. This weekend we hope to tackle the basement. I can show pictures, it is a HUGE mess down there! My children also love to throw things. It is CONSTANT with them. By locking up the dangerous toys to throw (ever been hit between the eyes with a toy hammer?) I have a much more peaceful house! How I solved the problem with my 7 year old, that could loose sunglasses on his head or a toy that is in front of him, is I made him accountable for the tickets. If he lost the tickets, then he can't have ____. It is as simple as that. I have the master tickets hanging where he can reach them, but they don't have to be there. They could be in a cabinet, or somewhere else where neither of my children have access to them. You loose the tickets, you can't have ___. If his brother has tickets and you don't, then too bad. This happened just last night. I told my oldest that he had to finish his dinner, and have 8 tickets for desert. He had the 8 tickets but he refused to finish his dinner (which was apples and pears on his plate, we are not taking, non kid friendly food here!). His brother meanwhile had the 4 tickets he needed (he needs less as he is capable of doing less at 2) so he got desert. Right now I do not punish my children by taking away tickets. It is only positive. So if they do something good, they get tickets, they don't do something, they don't get anything. Simple. My children LOVE the grab bag. The excitement of seeing what they are going to get is so cool! Have there been times when my older son and younger son did the same task (with the 2 year old doing it the 2 year old way, and therefore not as much as the older brother) and the 2 year old got more tickets then the 7 year old? Yep, but the list of things that the 7 year old can get tickets for is WAY longer then the list for the 2 year old. So he can try again easily. What I am doing is not rocket science. After I started this program with my son, my husband (who I didn't talk about starting this, I just did) said that this is a management tool for business. You give constant feedback to people as the boss, so that when you do have a problem with a subordinate, they don't freakout and assume that they are going to get fired the next day. It also makes the subordinate feel valued. It is actually highly effective, according to my hubby. :) Please understand that most of us have tried this and at least in my case my children don't respond to tickets. "But why can't we just do it anyway? So and so gets ice cream without a ticket." It's not hard. It just doesn't work. The battle just moves briefly to the ticket system itself. Your kids are sugar--water melts them. Mine are like sand. Water just makes them damp and clumpy. Different materials, different results even with the same method. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 Also... One or two weeks. That's nice. I don't want to be condescending or discouraging but I can do anything once and it works. It's the long haul. My kids are 6 and 9. I've already tried all the methods. You're going to have to find something my kids aren't over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chalex Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 'Just thinking about Christmas and the fact that these kids are about to get more "stuff", that will need to be picked up daily, makes me cringe. Consumables only Christmas anyone?!!? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slache Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 'Just thinking about Christmas and the fact that these kids are about to get more "stuff", that will need to be picked up daily, makes me cringe. Consumables only Christmas anyone?!!? We have a 2 toys per kid rule. Art supplies? Fine. A kit to blow something up? Fine. A princess crown? Fine. A remote control car? That's a toy that will live on my floor. You only get 2 of those. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 Our pick up time is before meals. Having it 3 times a day means less stuff to pick up. That's exactly what we do. No leaving the space if it is messy. No food and no screens if you can't pick up your stuff. We also pared down things so that no room gets so destroyed it cannot be picked up in ten or fifteen minutes. That's my upper limit. Some days are still a struggle, especially with so many people and half of them make messes but aren't good cleaners yet. But most days it isn't making me want to kill someone, so there is that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomtoCandJ Posted November 11, 2015 Share Posted November 11, 2015 I cleaned the girls' room. Took out 3!!!! Bags of trash out to the fire pit (mostly broken toys/toys who are missing pieces) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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