Do you mix friend groups? And how do you do this well? (good party planners, help!)

[Ginevra]

Say you wanted to have a Christmas party and were thinking of inviting friends from different "areas" of your life. In my case, this would be a mix of DH's motorcycle friends and their wives, and my friends and their husbands, which are homeschoolers or former homeschoolers mostly. One couple is someone I used to work with and have remained friends with.

 

I have never done this before. There isn't anything that makes me expect problems, such as vastly different habits/lifestyles, but I am still nervous about the thought of trying to navigate helping Group A get involved in a conversation with Group B people, say.

 

The food will be served buffet-style and seating will be not controlled, if that helps you picture it. I am not the most social person you ever met in your life. The thought of doing this has made me quail enough in the past that I haven't done it. So help an introvert! What do you/would you do to help this go well?

[The Girls' Mom]

Provide good food and a comfortable place to sit and let the rest just take care of itself.  Be sure to introduce people as you can, but I wouldn't make a big deal out of it.

We routinely mix family, dh's work friends (which can come from all over the world) church friends, and homeschool friends and it works.  People eventually find themselves talking.

[purplejackmama]

For a Christmas party with "mixed company" I think it's best to have an activity. I would do a "dirty Santa" gift exchange. I think a buffet would work perfectly, then quickly after everyone has finished eating I would start the gift exchange. It's always a hoot and would be a great ice breaker.

 

Have fun!

[regentrude]

I mix friends groups. We thrown an annual big summer bbq with 30+ people and invite friends from different circles. Our new years party  is about 20+ people and mixed as well.

 

Contrary to pp's suggestion, I would hate doing an "activity", and most of my guests would as well. Good food and drink and conversation is plenty of activity in and of itself. There was never the need for an "icebreaker" at any of my parties.

 

A few things I do to facilitate this:

I always invite several people from each circle who know one another, not just a single person from any particular group.

I also decide ahead of time whether the event should be a children-welcome or adult-only function; depending on this, it may exclude certain friend groups.

In smaller mixed groups, I make sure there are enough guests whose personality can carry a party, who are good conversationalists, have a sense of humor and love parties. Those are indispensible.

[meena]

Our neighbors annually host a Christmas party like this. They invite people from the neighborhood, their family, scouts, public/private/homeschool (they have kids in all three), and other activities. What I feel makes it work best is that it's an open invite--the hours of the party are from 6-9, come and go as you please. I would feel uncomfortable being at their house with a bunch of people I have little in common with for several hours, but since I know I can politely leave at any time it takes the pressure off a bit. It's easier to mix with any group of people and do "surface" socializing for short periods of time. Other things I like: they usually have appetizer-type foods, desserts, and a hot cocoa bar rather than a meal. They also have several different seating areas--living room, dining room, poolside (we're in FL). So if conversation gets uncomfortable in one area it's easy to go to a different area and strike up conversation with a different group.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I imagine it's pretty typical.  And thinking of any party I've ever been to (or hosted) it has been that way.  It's never been a problem.

 

 

[purplejackmama]

Well I stand by my statement. Dirty Santa is hilarious!

[meena]

For a Christmas party with "mixed company" I think it's best to have an activity. I would do a "dirty Santa" gift exchange. I think a buffet would work perfectly, then quickly after everyone has finished eating I would start the gift exchange. It's always a hoot and would be a great ice breaker.

 

Have fun!

That reminds me-- we had a Christmas gathering a few years ago with some of DHs colleagues who were stuck in our town (and away from home) for work, family, and some close friends from church. We did a "white elephant" gift exchange. I'm normally opposed to activities or icebreakers , especially with people I don't know well, but that gift exchange was a HUGE hit. It helped that it wasn't a large gathering (I think there were about 20 adults) and most everybody there was pretty laid back and had a good sense of humor.

[J-rap]

Have some fun Christmas music playing in the background the whole time.  Also, you can have different "stations" for food, drinks, cookies, etc.  That way people are forced to go to different places and mingle.

[Guest]

I mix friends groups. We thrown an annual big summer bbq with 30+ people and invite friends from different circles. Our new years party is about 20+ people and mixed as well.

 

Contrary to pp's suggestion, I would hate doing an "activity", and most of my guests would as well. Good food and drink and conversation is plenty of activity in and of itself. There was never the need for an "icebreaker" at any of my parties.

 

A few things I do to facilitate this:

I always invite several people from each circle who know one another, not just a single person from any particular group.

I also decide ahead of time whether the event should be a children-welcome or adult-only function; depending on this, it may exclude certain friend groups.

In smaller mixed groups,[b I make sure there are enough guests whose personality can carry a party, who are good conversationalists, have a sense of humor and love parties. [/b]Those are indispensible.

This last point is an especially good one that I might not have thought of myself. Thanks!

[Ellie]

Say you wanted to have a Christmas party and were thinking of inviting friends from different "areas" of your life. In my case, this would be a mix of DH's motorcycle friends and their wives, and my friends and their husbands, which are homeschoolers or former homeschoolers mostly. One couple is someone I used to work with and have remained friends with.

 

I have never done this before. There isn't anything that makes me expect problems, such as vastly different habits/lifestyles, but I am still nervous about the thought of trying to navigate helping Group A get involved in a conversation with Group B people, say.

 

The food will be served buffet-style and seating will be not controlled, if that helps you picture it. I am not the most social person you ever met in your life. The thought of doing this has made me quail enough in the past that I haven't done it. So help an introvert! What do you/would you do to help this go well?

 

I love mixing up my friend groups. :-) So far, it has gone well, both with sit-down dinners and casual, milling-around-the-house potlucks/cook-outs. I don't usually organize things (unschooler here, lol), but one year we did an ornament exchange that all the guests seemed to enjoy. We all sit in a circle with our wrapped ornaments, and I read aloud "The Night Before Christmas." Each time I say a word that starts with "t," they pass their ornaments to the right. It's a terrible mess, some people never figure it out and end up with multiple ornaments in their laps which they eventually realize they're supposed to pass on...and it's great fun. No one is put on the spot and they all go home with an ornament...sometimes their own, but that's how it works. :-)

 

I do organize the buffet line a little, though: plates first, then the food, then napkins and cutlery on another table (guests don't have to juggle napkins and cutlery while trying to fill their plates), condiments on another table (not all of the guests will use salt, or ketchup, and so there's no sense in causing a bottleneck at the table where the food is), beverages somewhere else (ditto). My Martha Stewart tendencies override my John Holt tendencies. :D

[Garga]

Well I stand by my statement. Dirty Santa is hilarious!

 

 

What is Dirty Santa!? I wanna play, but I don't know how!

[meena]

What is Dirty Santa!? I wanna play, but I don't know how!

http://www.celebrations.com/c/read/how-to-play-dirty-santa

 

That link describes how we played. We did kind of a combo Dirty Santa/White Elephant. Some people brought purchased gifts, like a bottle of wine, a low $ gift card, etc. Some people regifted--a remote control helicopter was surprisingly popular among our group of adults-- while some brought gag gifts, such as an old VHS how-to video that was used in my husband's vocation like 25 years ago and a hillbilly spa kit (pinecone on stick for back massager, key for ear wax removal, roll of duct tape for body waxing). Like I said earlier, we had a pretty fun bunch so everyone had a good time trying to stick it to people by "stealing" their good gifts and leaving them with weird stuff.

[marbel]

 Most years I have a big open house between Christmas and New Year's Day and invite pretty much everyone we know.  I don't worry about mixing groups.  Some people will mix, some people won't.  There are enough people from each group and/or enough gregarious people that enjoy talking to everyone, so there's never anyone left out.  It's a lot of fun. 

 

I don't have activities and certainly nothing that puts a person in the spotlight for any amount of time.  Gift exchange?  Shoot me now.

[QueenCat]

Have your food in several areas rather than all in one place. A couple of different drink stations. All places where people will gather and have their first conversations.

[school17777]

I think your WTM friends would mix well!

[The Girls' Mom]

That reminds me-- we had a Christmas gathering a few years ago with some of DHs colleagues who were stuck in our town (and away from home) for work, family, and some close friends from church. We did a "white elephant" gift exchange. I'm normally opposed to activities or icebreakers , especially with people I don't know well, but that gift exchange was a HUGE hit. It helped that it wasn't a large gathering (I think there were about 20 adults) and most everybody there was pretty laid back and had a good sense of humor.

 That is the key!  White elephant/dirty Santa among good humored people is so fun!  We used to do it with our friends pre-kids.  However, we found out the hard way that some people really hate it.  We tried it out for our huge family one year and people were getting mad! lol.  Some people just can't seem to absorb the concept.  

[Guest]

That is the key! White elephant/dirty Santa among good humored people is so fun! We used to do it with our friends pre-kids. However, we found out the hard way that some people really hate it. We tried it out for our huge family one year and people were getting mad! lol. Some people just can't seem to absorb the concept.

I have been involved in gift games where some people were getting upset. There was one that was literally a five dollar price range, yet people were getting upset that their gift was stolen, or they got stuck with a tissue box cover. It was weird. I even said at one point, "Hey, everbody! Remember, these are $5 gifts and I'm pretty sure any of us can go buy our preferred item if we want to, right?"

 

P.S. This was not a party I hosted, thank God!

[Professormom]

We have always done lots of mixed group parties... Maybe because if I am doing a party, I am doing it BIG, lol. I prefer buffet or heavy hors d'oeuvres so that people can meader and mingle. I also like the "open house" concept for time. It allows people to come and go and no one feels trapped if they aren't feeling the love;-)

 

I really make it a point to wander the party though. When I mix groups, I don't feel like I can be stuck in the kitchen or whatnot. I have to be more proactive and give people some common ground with each other. If they group off, it is fine. But, there are usually enough people who like to break out and make new friends that an interesting "in common" tidbit goes a long way.

 

I have to disappear for a short time during parties to have some quiet and regroup. Sometimes, it is going up to my bedroom to "grab something" or taking the trash out. For an introvert, getting the quiet is the important thing. The social stuff doesn't bother me. I just can't be with all.the.people.all.the.time :svengo: Just from knowing you on these boards, Danielle, I would guess that you would probably be pretty good at helping people find commonalities, even if you need to have some quiet now and then:-)

 

We have a pretty decent number of friends that are now friends with each other because they met at our parties:-) That is a warm and wonderful feeling.

 

We don't do games or activities (unless it is summer - then we do boat rides and swimming and put out the bocce and volleyball equipment.) I think it depends on the group. Most of our friends probably wouldn't enjoy them... I really dislike having to participate in those types of things. Just a preference thing though.

 

Oh a pp mentioned the mix of personalities. I think this is really important. I have been to some parties that were downright painful because there wasn't any personality variety.

[Happy]

I love mixed parties! We do a nice sized open house before Christmas each year. (I'm ordering invites today!) Come and go...so we get folks who stay 15 minutes and folks who stay an hour or more.

 

We invite neighbors, friends, church people, a few family people, past and current clients, a few colleague types...etc. We usually have 30 people or so come and go during the evening. It's a busy season--we invite twice that number.

 

One of the keys to me is NOT having a lot of places to sit. There are some, of course, but I want people on their feet, moving and mingling. So someone can park on the couch and love seat, someone may drag another chair or two in there, but mostly, it's a mix and mingle thing. The second year we did this, we had tons of seating available. Our number was small because of the weather...everyone sat in the LR and looked at each other. Yes they talked and laughed but it was not as much fun as it could have been.

 

We do lots of appetizers--the main buffet table is in the 'formal' dining room. But there's food in the kitchen and on the coffee table in the living room, too.  Drinks change places from year to year. If the weather is good, we have a fire in the fire pit out back and a crock pot with hot apple cider in it.

 

Last year's big hit was my son--he had just finished culinary school. He set up a flambé station--creating mini pies. We had prepared crusts, made up two batches of pie filling. He would place a serving of filling in a pan over a flame and add rum or bourbon to flambé. It was a blast to watch. We have a single gas hot plate for just this type of thing.

 

So a lot of people got to know each other around the flambé station. I've found many people will introduce themselves to each other. DH and I make it a point to do hit and run conversations--we keep moving. Talking to each guest several times during their stay if possible. We can not stand and chat to just one or two people....a few minutes here, a few over there, etc.

 

I always breathe a sigh of relief when a few specific people tell me they can come. They have strong outgoing personalities and makes everyone feel good.

 

 

[Guest]

I think the idea of open house style worries me. I can see DH's motorcycle friends staying for hours, because they are very comfortable here and with one another. But I am worried that my hs mom friends will not give it a chance if the time is too open; more of them are introverts and I worry they are more likely to quickly bail instead of reaching within to find the inner extrovert, which could lead to enjoying meeting some new friends.

 

I am on the fence about doing a gift game activity. I did go to a Christmas party once where the couple had this and it was great fun. It was practically perfect! But I also don't want people to feel they have to go to such a lot of effort just to come for a party...but maybe they won't feel that way? Can you see that I have a lot of anxiety about hosting parties? :D

 

Probably overthinking it...

[purplejackmama]

That is the key! White elephant/dirty Santa among good humored people is so fun! We used to do it with our friends pre-kids. However, we found out the hard way that some people really hate it. We tried it out for our huge family one year and people were getting mad! lol. Some people just can't seem to absorb the concept.

Great point! My friends and family are a hilarious bunch. Truly. I'm not sure we could have a bad time if we tried. This makes a difference, I'm sure.

[lewber]

I like the idea of the gift exchanges, but I'll admit I always get way too concerned if people like mine or not! Gift giving causes me a lot of stress! I spend way too much time analyzing my possible gifts.

I think the idea of not too many actual seats and having the food/drink around the house most helpful. Also, if you have friends who are especially outgoing go ahead and ask them to rotate and look for lonely guests. They're usually good at this anyway but some extra direction can really get them motivated:)

[Ellie]

 

One of the keys to me is NOT having a lot of places to sit. There are some, of course, but I want people on their feet, moving and mingling. So someone can park on the couch and love seat, someone may drag another chair or two in there, but mostly, it's a mix and mingle thing. The second year we did this, we had tons of seating available. Our number was small because of the weather...everyone sat in the LR and looked at each other. Yes they talked and laughed but it was not as much fun as it could have been.

 

 

:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

[KungFuPanda]

Worlds are colliding!!!

[Wildcat]

I know the open time (come and go as you please) is a popular thing in my area but we don't go to them. We have been to two of what are called "open house" parties and for both we showed up and knew no one but the hosts. The folks we knew arrived at different times (as we found out later). The guests who were there (different people, different friend circles with no overlaps) all knew each other and it was hard for us to join in. We tried to make conversation with several folks at both places but were unsuccessful as they all talked about things known-to-them (work, sports activities, common friends) and left us out. I can talk to anyone about pretty much anything (I'm good at faking being an extrovert) but these two open house parties left me puzzled. We don't go to those any more and prefer an actual start time.

 

For my own parties, I mention a start time and leave it open. Our friends don't overstay so that isn't an issue.

 

I also employ multiple food and drink stations with a separate dessert table. I hadn't thought of moving condiments before and think that is a great idea so I'm stealing that one for next time. :lol:

 

One thing I try to do is have places for folks to set plates & drinks on, even if it's just a couple of tv trays set out against a wall. Standing is great and forces mingling but juggling a cup while trying to eat is super tricky.

 

As for the mixing of groups, I try to make sure each invited person knows at least one other invited person.

 

ETA I remove the chairs from the tables and use the tables for food items. Once people sit, they tend to grow roots and only hang with 'their group' so the lack of seating is a strategy for people movement.

[KungFuPanda]

I think once your guests get past 40, a shortage of seating encourages early departure more than mingling.

[rocassie]

I think the idea of open house style worries me. I can see DH's motorcycle friends staying for hours, because they are very comfortable here and with one another. But I am worried that my hs mom friends will not give it a chance if the time is too open; more of them are introverts and I worry they are more likely to quickly bail instead of reaching within to find the inner extrovert, which could lead to enjoying meeting some new friends.

 

I am on the fence about doing a gift game activity. I did go to a Christmas party once where the couple had this and it was great fun. It was practically perfect! But I also don't want people to feel they have to go to such a lot of effort just to come for a party...but maybe they won't feel that way? Can you see that I have a lot of anxiety about hosting parties? :D

 

Probably overthinking it...

I went to a party once where it was optional.  Guests wanting to participate brought a wrapped white elephant gift.  When they put the gift under the tree, they were told to take a clothespin off the tree.  Each clothespin had a number on the inside.  That was the order the participants opened or stole each other's gift.  The first year about half of the guests participated, but everyone gathered in the room with the tree (also the host set up a drink station in this room too.)  Everyone had a great time laughing even if they didn't participate.  The next year almost everyone participated.  Only those that really dislike the "game" chose not to bring a gift, and no one made a big deal about it.