Suggestions for the tender headed?

[Mimm]

My 12 year old is extremely tender headed and doesn't handle pain well. She has kept her hair cut short and it's really cute but she would like to grow it out. But she hates brushing it when it's long. Seriously, I've had her in tears many times in her life just from gently brushing it. Is there some magical product that helps with this? I remember someone talking about some amazing detangling brush a while ago but I don't remember anything about it. Her hair is straight and thick and pretty amazing.

[Amy in NH]

Put the conditioner in after she has toweled her hair.

[gardenmom5]

I have not as thick as it used to be hair, but prefer longish. It tangled so much mom would chop it off regularly. I changed how it was dealt with and everything changed. My dd's is very thick and used to be super long - currently it's only past her shoulder blades.

 

Conditioner.

Finger comb under running water.

Big tooth comb.

Start at the ends and work up.

Don't scrunch hair around scalp when washing. Only wash the scalp.

Braid or French braid for sleeping.

 

It's not just what you use, but how it's handled.

[Caribbean Queen]

Here is how to brush long hair:

 

Take a section of hair.  Hold it with one hand while you comb the two bottom inches with the other hand.  She should not be able to feel any tugging on her scalp because you are holding the section of hair.  Next, comb the bottom three inches.  Then the bottom four inches, and so on, until you can comb by the scalp all the way down to the ends. Once you've combed a section of hair, put it in a quick twist or braid so it doesn't get tangled up. After you have combed all her hair, untwist it and style it. 

 

Use combs with wide teeth that aren't rigidly set in place.  The teeth need to "give" a little.  In other words, an afro pick.  If it can comb through an afro, it can comb through your daughter's hair.  If that is too weird for you, I'd recommend a brush with spikes coming out of a padded surface that will "give."  If you want to use a normal comb, use it after the wide toothed comb, or brush with "give."

 

Putting her hair in some quick, loose braids or twists at night will help it not to tangle.  Less tangles = easier combing.  It also helps hair not to break off and get too dry.

[Spryte]

In addition to the above: while in shower, and conditioner is in hair - use the Wet Brush. My kids call it the magic brush. :)

[SparklyUnicorn]

It should hurt less if she brushes it herself.  I cannot tolerate other people brushing or combing my hair, but I have no problem doing it myself.  I think I'd tell her if she isn't willing or able to do that herself she should consider that very long hair might not be the best idea for her.

 

 

[Guest]

My son has very thick, curly, tailbone length hair.

 

We finger comb, use baking soda and vinegar rinses instead of commercial cosmetic products, and food grade oils for moisture.

 

He never wears it loose except for photographs and very brief special occasions.

 

I learned this after losing most of my own hair, which used to be very thick and something I "battled" with and tried to "tame".

 

I had long hair as a young child and always wanted to grow it back. I never did get to. Hair is part of a person's body, not just a favourite colour or a new style of pants.

 

I am glad that you are letting your daughter try this and asking for help on how to make it work.

[PinkTulip]

My best suggestion is this: when she is in the shower and has conditioner still in her hair, comb through it with a wide-tooth comb, starting at the ends and moving up, while holding the section with the other hand so it doesn't tug. Once you can comb through it all freely, then rinse out the conditioner. This makes it so much easier to comb through once she is out of the shower.

 

One other: have her brush through her hair multiple times a day, especially underneath at her neck line. This is where I get my worst tangles.

[AK_Mom4]

Dd14 combs out her hair in the shower with conditioner in. That's it.

 

If she does a ponytail for sports, she just does a loose one and finger combs it in place. She is very tender-headed.

[Annie Elle]

I have a very tender head and thick hair. When I was young, I could not stand to have my mother brush or comb my hair and took control of my hair at a young age. It hurts so much less when I brush it than someone else. When my hair is long, a good conditioner is key. Also I use a large pick to comb my hair when wet. When my hair is long, if I am going somewhere where my hair could tangle easily, such as swimming or a windy place, I would braid my hair to keep tangles down. Brushing my hair before I wash it helps tremendously. It has been difficult to find brushes that that work for me. I need a brush whose brissels are flexible but strong enough the brush through my thick hair. I can't tell you the brand of brush I use now because I have had it for decades and have forgotten where I got it from. I guard it closely and no one in my family is allowed to use it( and potentially lose it). :-)

[kbutton]

One other: have her brush through her hair multiple times a day, especially underneath at her neck line. This is where I get my worst tangles.

 

Oh my, yes! Especially on a windy day. Clothing and jewelry can make this worse too.

 

Don't let her go out in the wind with her hair loose. (And be kind about car windows being down and such.) I try to keep hair ties with me at all times in case I'm caught with it down in a situation that will make things tangly.

 

I found that tenderheaded had a lot to do with brushing technique and keeping up with the brushing (which you've heard about already). Keep up with split ends. 

 

I really think that good vitamins contribute to good hair. My hair is the nicest it's ever been other than while I was pregnant, and I think it's the vitamins I've taken the last couple of years (Shaklee, but probably any good multi would help). I have fewer tangles when my hair is silky and nice like this. When I was in college, the water was over-softened hard water, and it was horrible for my hair. I learned to braid it loosely, and then I would rinse it all, but only wash the oily parts near my face and scalp. I'd just kind of rinse the shampoo water through the rest. It helped with tangles coming out of the shower, and it helped my hair not have so much damage from chemicals and stuff. I switched to natural shampoo, and I condition my hair maybe once per week now. You can also get spray-in conditioner that is basically like a detangler (or at least you used to be able to--I haven't used it in a while).

 

I like Trader Joe's tea tree oil shampoo the best for my straight, oily hair. Oh, and blow dryers are just not my thing--I make a wadded mess of my hair with them. You can get chamois-type hair towels if you want to get a lot of water out of your hair and not use a dryer.

[Suzanne in ABQ]

Pay for good products.  They really do make a difference.  Suave just doesn't cut it.  Good products aren't that much more expensive when you realize that you don't need to use nearly as much.  Use a gentle shampoo that doesn't strip hair (avoid sodium laureth sulfate), and a really good conditioner.  May also need a leave-in conditioner, applied after excess water has been removed.

 

Don't pile hair on head when washing; just let it hang straight while gently working suds from the scalp to the ends.  Comb it out in the shower with conditioner still in, and rinse gently, pulling hair to one side, then the other to rinse around the ears and neck, then part gently to rinse the back of the neck.  Comb again under the water, then gently squeeze the water out.  Upon exiting, wrap a towel around head from the top down (don't flip upside down).  Just place it like a scarf over head, slightly off-center, and wrap it around, tucking in ends.  This will minimize tangling.  After it's towel dry, either comb it out (if it's straight hair), or just let it dry naturally (if it's curly).

 

I agree that she is old enough to care for her own hair.  Make it clear that she can have it as long as she can tolerate, brushing it herself several times a day.  

[Caribbean Queen]

Has anyone used products called detanglers?  I guess they are like leave-in conditioner.  I've never tried them.

[Mimm]

Yes I have no intention of caring for her hair for her. She's had her hair short for two or three years now. Before that she was in ballet for a couple years so I put her hair in buns all the time. While short, her hair is incredibly low maintenance. She washed it 2-3 times a week, and it's brush and go after that.

 

The wet brush is the brush I was talking about. Thanks for that! I have a wide tooth comb that I use in the shower with conditioner (my hair is about waist length). I would like some kind of detangling product she can use though. For a while, I kept her hair in a braid all the time, taking it out to brush it morning and evening. It worked really well, actually, but she got tired of it always being like that.

[Mimm]

Any suggestions for good quality shampoo and conditioner are welcome. I use herbal essence mostly.

[Chris in VA]

We like Tresseme, but it irritates our scalps, so we have quit using it.

 

Wen is expensive, but I've heard it is really good. Maybe you could try it and see.

[PinkTulip]

I swear by Purology hydrating shampoo and conditioner. It is super expensive, but worth every penny in my opinion.

[gardenmom5]

also - when towel drying - let the hair hang down and squeeze, don't rub.

 

you can get a moisture absorbing towel (more so than cotton) to use as a head wrap.  I wrap mine in a towel after a shower until I'm ready to comb through.  the towel will absorb a lot that way.

 

I wear my hair up.  I decided short hair isn't any easier than long hair, so I might as well have it long.  and wearing it up is as cool as super short hair (which I hate.)  and I don't have to pay for a monthly haircut.  

[gardenmom5]

Oh my, yes! Especially on a windy day. Clothing and jewelry can make this worse too.

 

Don't let her go out in the wind with her hair loose. (And be kind about car windows being down and such.) I try to keep hair ties with me at all times in case I'm caught with it down in a situation that will make things tangly.

 

I found that tenderheaded had a lot to do with brushing technique and keeping up with the brushing (which you've heard about already). Keep up with split ends. 

 

I really think that good vitamins contribute to good hair.

 

you left out riding in convertibles . . . :glare:  :glare: :glare:  :glare:   dh loved his tiny thing.  (he no longer has it.   :001_cool: ) I HAD to always have my hair french braided, or very securely pulled back/up or it would be a mess.  if the hair is long enough - a pony tail is inadequate.

 

 

I agree with good nutrition/vitamins affecting hair.  also, my thyroid was low - and after starting rx, my hair thickened up again.

[alisoncooks]

Has anyone used products called detanglers? I guess they are like leave-in conditioner. I've never tried them.

My youngest has a tender scalp. We use detangling spray, as well as a brush called a Tangle Teezer. (We call it the Magic Brush.)

[abacus2]

The Wet Brush

 

We now have five of these. My girls won't use anything else.

[Farrar]

We use detanglers. They help a little.

 

I think the biggest thing is, as suggested above, she has to learn to do it herself. And she should do it every day. This has been a struggle with ds10, who has long hair. I know this should be something that he knows by now, but it's only been in the last few months that he's finally gotten to where he can do a decent job on it himself. The other day, I actually danced a jig because he brushed it out perfectly and it looked really good. First time ever. No joke.

[tomandlorih]

The Wet Brush

 

We now have five of these. My girls won't use anything else.

Seriously third-ing Wet Brushes!  These are small miracle for our family of tender heads!

[Tap]

We use:

 

Matrix Amplify Shampoo/Conditioner

Wet brush

For a detangling spray, I just add a good squirt of our own conditioner to a spray bottle of water that gives a good mist (not a stream spray).  I don't like heavily scented kid themed detangling sprays, so the conditioner and water is cheaper and lightly scented.

We have a hand sprayer on the shower head to make sure rinsing is done is running water, not with the kid trying to lay back into bath water. 

 

We try to do a light hurt free brushing before the bath, but don't work on any tangles.  I wash with minimal movement of hair and honestly if it is really a 'rats nest', I condition the hair first to get out the tangles, then wash, then recondition. 

 

I wash the kid's hair myself until 8yo or so so I can make sure they don't make it worse.  Then as they get better at washing .... they wash and I am the final rinse. I use the water and conditioner together with my fingers to get the tangles out.  Over time, the kids have been able to do it all themselves.

 

I pat it dry  (never rub and no towel piled on the head) and make sure every single tangle it out before they go to play.  We rebrush once it is dry.  

 

 

Head bands created tangles under the nape of the neck so headbands....were banned.

 

 

I don't like my girls hair to dry in braids because when they take them out, they have wavy hair witch is worse to tangle than straight hair.

 

 

 

 

[xixstar]

I am glad I finally got the Wet Brush. It helped a lot.

 

I have found that you have to stay on top of brushing with that brush because it is so gentle that it will smooth over tangles if you're not being diligent to brush them out. Sometimes my girls will go a week before I notice they've only been lightly brushing their hair and I will have to sit down and brush through the tangles - luckily it isn't painful with the brush, just takes some time because it is so gentle.

 

We also bought Perfect 10 leave in hair conditioner and that had helped a ton. It goes in after towel drying from a shower and brushed through. It helps make up for the less than great shampoo products we have tried. It felt pricy to buy at the salon but we have been using it for about 5 months now and very happy with it. I am guessing we will use about 1.33 bottles a year the way it lasts (3 people use it). And I saw it at Walgreens recently.

[SparrowsNest]

Sorry if it's already been mentioned, but the Tangle Teezer  has been a lifesaver here.  One of my girls has long, fine, wavy, tangle-prone hair and she is *extremely* tender-headed.  It is the only brush she can tolerate.

[ktgrok]

Any suggestions for good quality shampoo and conditioner are welcome. I use herbal essence mostly.

 

Kirkland brand! It's supposedly a knock off of Pureology. It's AMAZING. My daughter's hair, that tangles easily, combs through like butter when I use it on her. It makes hair SO smooth and soft. It's not as cheap as say, suave but lasts forever. (buy it at Costco)