S/O of NOOOO-----what foster parents really do, etc

[Ottakee]

There have been a lot of question on the NOOOOO thread about foster parenting, what the kids might be going through, the training of the foster parents, etc. that I thought I would start a new thread.

 

My dh and I have been fostering for almost 20 years now.  Our first placement was a 7 year old boy with special needs whose parental rights were terminated already.  He is now our 27ds.  We had a few other kids short term and then 8 months after our son came we got a call for an almost 8 month old girl who is now our 19dd.  Six months later the bio mom had another baby who came to us at 2 days old and is now our 18dd.

 

We fostered heavily for 10 years, having almost 100 different placements in that time.  Some were as short as 24 hours (until they could locate and criminal clearance relatives, etc) to the one that has been here her whole life.  We have had placements from 2 days old to a 17 year old with her almost 1 year baby.  We have Caucasian, Asian, Native American, Hispanic, African American and mixed race children.  We have had kids from horrible abuse and neglect, those that were drug/alcohol exposed, one whose only parent passed away unexpectedly, a few from juvenile detention (youth jail), single kids and sibling groups of us to 4 kids.  We have had several kids that spoke NO English, some that knew a bit, and some that were very verbal in English very early (like the 15 month old who told a nice elderly lady in the grocery "f*** you".

 

In Michigan we are paid a daily rate which right now is $17.24/day.  They get $200 for clothing when they come into care and then $125 every six months for clothes.  Often Christmas presents are provided.  They do get free lunch at school.  Other than that, the $17.24 a day is to cover all food (0-5 usually get WIC), over the counter meds, haircuts, school activities, sports camps, haircuts, allowance, treats, transportation, and basically anything else that kids need/do.

 

We had to have our home inspected and need to provide 40 square feet of bedroom space for each child---so a 10x12 room could hold 3 children.  0-1 may be in foster parents room and children under 5 may share a room with opposite gender kids until the oldest turns 5 or 6.  Each child must have their own bed but I think that same gender SIBLINGS may share a double/queen bed.  We currently have 5 bedrooms (could have 6 and one "not legal one for my kids to make 7) along with 3 1/2 baths.  In our previous home though we had 3 bedrooms and 1 bath so home size is NOT important.

 

We are currently licensed for 0-18, 4 children, boys and/or girls.  We have the space and have done it in the past but right now we are doing mostly a single boy ages 8-13.  We might take a sibling group of boys but mostly we take kids that have burned through other foster homes due to behavior or needing to split up the siblings (some abuse each other, have very high needs, etc that make it best for them to be alone).

 

We had about 24 hours of training initially and then we have to do 6 hours every year in addition.  The trainings were somewhat helpful but networking with other foster parents is a HUGE help.  They know the behaviors, resources, etc. and have been there, done that.  We can also utilize the social worker and the kids most of the time have weekly counseling so the therapist is there to help us as well.

 

Each child is very different and needs different parents techniques.  NO SPANKING ever as most have been on the end of abusive physical punishment.  We had one child, turning 5 that was "Batman" at all times for the first 6-9 months he was with us as no one could hurt "batman" but they could hurt B.  He even wore batman underoos to school under his clothes for "protection".  Some kids love us, some hate us, and some kids go back and forth between the 2 feelings.

Most of our kids have moved on to adoptive homes or relative placements.  Very few went back home.

We have had kids with mental impairments, LDs, lack of education, ADHD, mental illness, mild CP, asthma, seizures, fetal alcohol, tube feed and a host of other special needs.  Others have been very gifted.

 

Behaviors can run the range of too well behaved to extremely explosive/physically aggressive, to s*xually acting out, lying, stealing, trouble with the law, drugs, etc.

 

Despite all of that, they are still kids that need love and stability.  

As to the group of 10 that were removed, I hope the foster parents are experienced and have LOTS of support.  The kids might have toileting issues (hopefully very quickly resolved), bathing issues, food hoarding (never sure if there will be enough next meal so they hide food all over), educational delays, and likely some physical/medical needs.

You can never really be trained for EVERYTHING as each child is very different and has such different needs.

 

This got very long but hopefully answers some questions.  Other foster parents feel free to chime in here and others feel free to ask questions.  We can't give specifics about names/personal details but will answer what we can.

[OneStepAtATime]

Wow, Ottakee, thanks for taking the time to post this.   And kuddos and hugs for helping so many.  Wow.  Just wow.

 

And kuddos to all parents who choose to foster kids out of a desire to help.  

[Ottakee]

I forgot to had what we do driving wise on a weekly basis.

 

In the beginning it is a lot of doctor's appointments, dentist, eye doctor, setting up counseling, etc. You also need to shop for clothes and shoes as often they come with very little to nothing. Then on a weekly visit we currently have counseling, a mom visit and a dad visit.  Mom gets 2 hours with all 5 kids on one day, dad gets 1 hour a week with our fds (other kids have other fathers) and we have counseling.  Then I run to the school at least once a week get pick him up for appointments.  I also try to attend his class parties, field trips, etc. that the other "normal" parents do.

 

Some weeks are more medical/dental/vision appointments, extra counseling, court, foster care worker visits, after school activities, lawyer, and on and on.

 

For schooling I have homeschooled a few but that is not common.  In our area, if at all possible, the kids finish out the school year in the school they were in when they were removed.  That school district will send a van to come pick up the kids and bring them back home.  After that first year, they most of the time will switch to the local school district unless they are super close to going home.  We try to avoid having to switch schools if at all possible.  Sometimes I end up doing the driving as well.

 

Most of them are behind academically but start catching up with regular attendance, help with homework, stability, etc.  Some though do need special education so there is that process to go through as well. 

 

[Ottakee]

I have a question:

 

Where does your authority as a foster parent end? How much are you allowed to do without the parent's consent? How much are you allowed to SAY to the children about how horrible their parents are? (LOL - j/k, sorta) Where do you draw the line?

 

(Great thread, btw!)

We have quite a bit of freedom.  We can NOT cut the child's hair without the parent's written permission.  We need court permission to start psychiatrist meds or put them in a mental hospital (except for emergencies)---but that is usually not difficult as we go through the local county mental health system.  We can not take the kids across state lines without a letter giving us permission (easy to get, we just have to remember).  We can enroll them in school, take them to church, get routine medical/dental/vision care,   We do need an approved sitter over 18 to watch them for a few hours and an approved/clearance checked home for overnights--so no overnight sleep overs unless the other home is approved).

 

 We can not MAKE a child go to church and the parents' religious views are taken into consideration but we just say up front that the child must be able to attend church with us or they can't move in as we just don't have approved childcare (or the money to pay $5+/hour while we are in church).  It hasn't ever been a problem.

 

If the kids bring it up, we can discuss their previous situation but we try VERY VERY hard not to bash the parents but rather phrase it that "you mom or dad is taking classes now to help them learn to control their anger" or "your mom made some bad choices and now she has to do some things in order to make it safe for you to be with her"...........that type of thing.  Often the little ones never ask.  The teens know.  It is the school age kids that ask more.  We try to use the words healthy and safe quite a bit.

 

Other foster parents are a HUGE help for idea, mentoring, venting, etc.  I try to meet once a week now to walk for an hour with another foster mom friend and we can blow off steam and recharge before hitting the trenches again.

 

It is hard as you often put on your happy face in public and replay "good" when people ask how it is going.  You cant' tell them that the 11 year old boy is still wetting his pants several times a day  during the day, or that a 4 year old is trying to make himself dead (including an attempt to jump out of the van at 55mph) , or 2 year old is acting out what has been done to her, or that you took a teen to the med center as her STDs were flaring, or that another one is physically aggressive, or that only you can do personal care for a child as they might be HIV + or that you child will pee at your through his vesicostomy (opening in the lower abdomen for urine to exit) when he gets mad at you or that bio dad just assaulted police officers and is chained in a chair now for all hearings, or that mom is back to prostitution and drugs.  Much do to the privacy of the child/case, and unless you are in the trenches it is hard to really understand how these really cute kids (and most are SUPER cute) could be reacting that way to their trauma.  After all, they should be thankful to the foster parents for "saving" them. 

 

That all said, it has huge rewards as well.  Sometimes you can only touch a life for a few hours, days, or weeks but we pray that we can be a positive factor in their lives.

[mamakelly]

$17 a day is not nearly enough money for all you do. Thank you â¤ï¸

[imagine.more]

Thanks for sharing Ottakee! Your experience mirrors ours, though we only fostered for 2 years and had one placement who we adopted. But the system works pretty much the same here in PA. We do the same thing with lots of talk of "healthy and safe" when discussing why she was removed from the birth home and such.

 

I think what stood out to me as a foster/adoptive parent of an older kid was how sheltered they can be! We were expecting over-exposure to street smart things, too much freedom, bad language, movies, etc. but what was shocking was how little of normal everyday things the kids had been exposed to. Never been to a beach, never eaten outside (like a picnic), never been told where babies come from, never had a pet, etc. I always thought of helicopter parents as producing sheltered kids but didn't realize how neglectful homes can often produce sheltered kids too. One foster mom in our group had to teach the 3 school-age boys she had what a tooth brush was for! 

 

We're thinking someday when all the current kiddos are grown or nearly grown we'd like to do straight foster care, maybe for teens primarily. Right now DD's needs plus all the little kids keep us hopping :) We have requested though to be contacted if Ana's birth mom ever has another baby who is removed just so the siblings aren't fractured anymore (she has other birth siblings all in different homes). 

[Rachel]

Thank you for sharing! Foster care is something I have had a heart for and have wanted to do for a long time. My husband would like to wait until our children are older.

 

I admire you for doing this for so many years, I can see how some of those situations would wear you down. At the same time I am glad that you seem to see the positive in all the kids. Also, I agree with the PP that $17 dollars does not seem like nearly enough money.

[Ottakee]

 

I think what stood out to me as a foster/adoptive parent of an older kid was how sheltered they can be! We were expecting over-exposure to street smart things, too much freedom, bad language, movies, etc. but what was shocking was how little of normal everyday things the kids had been exposed to.

We see that too.  In some ways they are way over exposed to adult matters and yet are super sheltered and missed out on the simple things---nursery rhymes, books, picnics, how to PLAY, etc.  It makes parenting interesting.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Question:  Do you make reports to CPS on how the kids are doing?  If there are problems?  If you do, do they use this information in making decisions about the kids?  Have you ever had to go to court to testify on the kid's condition?  

[Ottakee]

Question:  Do you make reports to CPS on how the kids are doing?  If there are problems?  If you do, do they use this information in making decisions about the kids?  Have you ever had to go to court to testify on the kid's condition?  

The social worker makes direct reports to CPS and the prosecutor.  We may write letters directly to the judge for each court hearing.  We meet with the social worker at least monthly in our home.  We also email as needed----sometimes several times a day, other weeks not at all.  We can always reach the worker or on call worker---even on weekends, holidays, evenings, etc.

 

The information we provide is used at each court hearing as the worker has to make a report on how the kids are doing, any problems, gains, concerns, etc.  They also include any updated medical information, a report from the counselor, etc.  The people that supervise the visits also write reports on how the visits go (some kids love them, others scream the whole time) as to the parenting, interactions with the kids, etc.

 

I have had to testify many many times.  I don't really enjoy it but in some cases I have been on the stand for quite a while at each hearing, other cases I have not been called to testify at all.  So much depends on the kids, the case, the bio parents, the goal, etc.  If it goes to termination, that is often when they call the foster parents.  Some judges call them more often to testify, others rarely.

[kwg]

Aack my earlier post was judgmental. 

 

Great thread! Thank you!

[Ottakee]

You are one strong woman. All I could think reading all that is what is wrong with people? to do that to their own babies?

I am not really that strong.  Just a mom trying to help kids with the Lord's help.  Sometimes I do it right, other times I look back and see that I really should have handled it differently.  It is HUGE that my dh is totally on board. I couldn't do it without him.  In fact, he was the one that brought a foster care brochure to show me on one of our dates before we were married.

[Little Nyssa]

Thank you for all you do!

One question- do you often feel that you have to advocate for the kids with CPS? I knew a foster mom who felt that CPS was dragging its feet on getting the family reunited in a particular case and she took the initiative to push things along and the case was resolved quickly after that.

 

Also, it seemed in that case that CPS and the SWs wanted the foster mom to keep a relationship with the kids & parents after the reunification. But the bio parents did not want that at all-- they wanted that whole episode to be over. They felt ashamed. Do you ever have a relationship with the kids and parents after the kids leave your care? Or is it supposed to be a clean break? Can you say hello to them if you see them on the street?

[Heather in OK]

 

 

It is hard as you often put on your happy face in public and replay "good" when people ask how it is going.  You cant' tell them that the 11 year old boy is still wetting his pants several times a day  during the day, or that a 4 year old is trying to make himself dead (including an attempt to jump out of the van at 55mph) , or 2 year old is acting out what has been done to her, or that you took a teen to the med center as her STDs were flaring, or that another one is physically aggressive, or that only you can do personal care for a child as they might be HIV + or that you child will pee at your through his vesicostomy (opening in the lower abdomen for urine to exit) when he gets mad at you or that bio dad just assaulted police officers and is chained in a chair now for all hearings, or that mom is back to prostitution and drugs.  Much do to the privacy of the child/case, and unless you are in the trenches it is hard to really understand how these really cute kids (and most are SUPER cute) could be reacting that way to their trauma.  After all, they should be thankful to the foster parents for "saving" them. 

People considering fostering really need to hear this stuff.  Usually the workers won't be completely open & honest with interested parents, especially if they are in need of homes and want to recruit new families.  

 

My mom has been a foster parent for a little over 20 years.   I know two families (one a single mom and the other a young family with a baby and a toddler) considering fostering.  From the posts I've seen from them, they think it's all sunshine. rainbows, and unicorns.  They have no idea what behaviors they may see and what they may expose their child(ren) to.  One family chatted with my mom a bit for info/advice and told her they would just lock their own children in their room at night to protect them.   :scared: 

 

It's definitely not something to go into with blinders on.  

 

[Ottakee]

Thank you for all you do!

One question- do you often feel that you have to advocate for the kids with CPS?

 

Do you ever have a relationship with the kids and parents after the kids leave your care? Or is it supposed to be a clean break? Can you say hello to them if you see them on the street?

Sometimes we do.  I had to testify once that foster son should go to his aunt (worker agreed).  Sometimes we will talk to their worker or guardian ad litem or write a letter directly to the judge.

 

It really depends on the case.  Some kids we never see or hear from again once they leave.  There are a few that 15 years after they left we still have some contact.  There are no hard and fast rules.  We have contact with our son's birth father and his siblings----to various degrees.  It is working out.  My girls we have no contact with bio family anymore and that is for the best.

[Ottakee]

People considering fostering really need to hear this stuff.  Usually the workers won't be completely open & honest with interested parents, especially if they are in need of homes and want to recruit new families.  

 

My mom has been a foster parent for a little over 20 years.   I know two families (one a single mom and the other a young family with a baby and a toddler) considering fostering.  From the posts I've seen from them, they think it's all sunshine. rainbows, and unicorns.  They have no idea what behaviors they may see and what they may expose their child(ren) to.  One family chatted with my mom a bit for info/advice and told her they would just lock their own children in their room at night to protect them.   :scared: 

 

It's definitely not something to go into with blinders on.  

I am VERY PRO foster care and adopting but I would be very hesitant for the family with a baby and toddler.  They might do well with a teen or it could be a disaster.  There is often a lot of competition between bio kids (or adopted ones ) and the foster kids.  The foster kids also take up a lot of time.  We generally suggest that foster kids be at least 2 years younger than the youngest child in the home.  It CAN work to break that rule but it can also make it tougher.

 

We have had violent 2 year olds, not just typical 2 year old stuff but violent/aggressive, etc.  We have had a 15 month old that could cuss like a trooper VERY CLEARLY.  We have had sexually acting out kids (but we had protections in place).

 

We did a lot of fostering when our girls were babies and toddlers and mostly it worked out but I also said NO to many placements.  We still say no to many placements.  Our focus now is on boys 8-12 but with 2 special needs teen girls in the house (one of which is the size of a 10 year old) we have to be VERY careful as to what type of boy we bring in.

 

Foster care is like the peace corp........the hardest job you will ever love.

[Pam in CT]

Thank you for your service, Ottakee.  Your children, all of them, are lucky to have you and your husband, even if only for a short time.

[momto10blessings]

Wow, Ottakee. Fascinating. Hugs to you, you're awesome!!! 😀

[momto10blessings]

What do your foster kids call you?

[Ottakee]

Foster kids usually call us by our first name at first. Many, esp the youngest, fall into mom and dad. We just let them decide and answer to whatever.

[SproutMamaK]

This may seem like a bit of an insensitive question, I hope it doesn't come across that way, but... practically speaking, how did you protect your children from foster kids who are violent or sexually aggressive? I've been giving a lot of thought to fostering when my children are over, but I worry about how to keep them safe when foster children lash out. (No judgment meant to the children for the lashing out; I think it can only be expected in many circumstances, which is why I'd like to know how people deal with it.)

[luuknam]

We do need an approved sitter over 18 to watch them for a few hours and an approved/clearance checked home for overnights--so no overnight sleep overs unless the other home is approved).

 

Can you put them in something like parents' night out at the YMCA or so?

 

How do placements work? You say that you say 'no' to some of them... what kind of info do they give you when asking you to take a kid? Have you ever had to tell the agency that a kid is too much after the kid is already staying with you?

[Serenade]

Thanks for sharing this information.  Lots of things I've wondered about.

[Ottakee]

This may seem like a bit of an insensitive question, I hope it doesn't come across that way, but... practically speaking, how did you protect your children from foster kids who are violent or sexually aggressive? I've been giving a lot of thought to fostering when my children are over, but I worry about how to keep them safe when foster children lash out. (No judgment meant to the children for the lashing out; I think it can only be expected in many circumstances, which is why I'd like to know how people deal with it.)

We try to keep the foster kids younger than our own 1st of all.

 

Our current house is set up so that the girls are upstairs, dh and I on the main floor and the boys downstairs.  We have rules in place that the girls don't go in the boys bedrooms and the boys don't go upstairs.  Blanket rule.  It doesn't eliminate the risks but reduces them.  We have not had older kids that are aggressive/acting out towards others.

 

We can get training in non violent crisis prevention and how to safely hold the child during an aggressive storm.

 

Most foster kids aren't like this though.  About 80% have been exposed to adult behavior or abused themselves but not nearly that many are acting out.

 

We also try to have the foster child if at all questionable have their own bedroom.  We have not done it but you can get alarms to put on the outside of the doors/windows to let you know if the child is up during the night.

[Ottakee]

Can you put them in something like parents' night out at the YMCA or so?

 

How do placements work? You say that you say 'no' to some of them... what kind of info do they give you when asking you to take a kid? Have you ever had to tell the agency that a kid is too much after the kid is already staying with you?

We can use the YMCA but again at $17/day and YMCA charging $5/hour it isn't really feasible.  I have a few friends who have been clearance checked as well as my brother and SIL who can watch him.  If we need more than just a rare overnight, we would use respite where he would stay with another licensed foster family and we pay them the $17/day.

 

There is a HUGE need for respite foster families so even if you don't think you could foster full time, it would be great if you could take a child for a weekend or a few days at a time to give the foster family a break.

 

Placements can really vary.  I have had many calls where the worker has the child in the car driving towards my house hoping I will say yes..........which gives me about 15-20 minutes to be ready for a new placement.  Others I have a few hours of heads up between the call and the time the child comes.  How much the worker knows REALLY depends on the situation.  I have had a call where they didn't know names or ages as the found kids wandering and couldn't find out where they belonged (they were toddlers).  Other times the child might have been in the system/known by the system for years.  Most of the time though information is limited to name, age, gender, race, and maybe a tiny bit about them.............but might not be accurate.

 

We had one child that we were to get that was "African American/Native American little girl, 7 months old, healthy and no developmental concerns"..............well, 45 minutes later I pick up a TINY WHITE baby that was the size of a 2 month old, developmentally about that level and they said as they handed her over "oh yeah, we think she is HIV +".......they did get the girl and age right.

 

Most of the time it isn't that the workers are withholding information but since we have taken a lot of emergency placements (meaning the kids come right to us whem CPS/police pick them up) it is more that the worker just honestly don't know.  They are working on a crisis basis and need to get the kids somewhere safe while they figure things out.

 

A few placements are ones we have gotten from other foster homes and then we know more about the child/situation/behaviors, etc.

 

We had 2 little ones that we had moved as I was just overwhelmed.  They were 9 months and 20 months. The older had significant behavioral issues (later was institutionalized) and I was a new foster parent and didn't have the support I do now.

We have also had several little ones move as they were available for adoption but we knew that there were many homes waiting for healthy white infants and we felt it was best for all for them to move to another adoptive home.  These were ones though that had been with us just a short time.

[luuknam]

We can use the YMCA but again at $17/day and YMCA charging $5/hour it isn't really feasible.  I have a few friends who have been clearance checked as well as my brother and SIL who can watch him.  If we need more than just a rare overnight, we would use respite where he would stay with another licensed foster family and we pay them the $17/day.

 

There is a HUGE need for respite foster families so even if you don't think you could foster full time, it would be great if you could take a child for a weekend or a few days at a time to give the foster family a break.

 

Parents' night out at the Y is free for members here (they charge for sleepovers). Childwatch is also free while you exercise or sit in the member lounge (can't leave the building during that, can during parents' night out).

 

I hadn't really heard of the need for respite foster families, but that makes a LOT of sense, given how I sometimes need sanity breaks from my own kids. I'd totally be willing to consider that. Right now it's a moot point though, since C & B share a bedroom that's 80 sq ft at most, and there isn't room to put a crib in our bedroom, so house size does matter (assuming rules here are the same as where you live).

[momto10blessings]

What happens when they first come to your home? I mean, it must be an extremely awkward time, especially if they were just pulled from their homes. Do you let them unpack, give them a tour, sit around talking, give them space? I don't know. I'm just thinking about those poor kids who must be so scared. I can't imagine my kids being sent to a stranger's house, you know? Silly question, I'm sure.

[Ottakee]

What happens when they first come to your home? I mean, it must be an extremely awkward time, especially if they were just pulled from their homes. Do you let them unpack, give them a tour, sit around talking, give them space? I don't know. I'm just thinking about those poor kids who must be so scared. I can't imagine my kids being sent to a stranger's house, you know? Silly question, I'm sure.

No, it isn't a silly question at all.  It really depends on the child, their situation and the age.

 

For the little ones, we just start playing with toys and show them their room/bed, etc.  Hopefully they came with at least something special--teddy bear, blanket, etc. but often they come with nothing.

 

Older ones we sit and talk a bit and give them a tour and go from there.  Some have nothing to unpack as they literally come with nothing.  I have had babies come to me in the plastic shell of a car seat (cloth cover was missing) in a dirty diaper and no other clothing or clean diapers, etc.  For years I kept rubber maid tubs of clothes sizes newborn to 8 or so in boy and girl as well as packs of diapers in each size.  That at least would get me through the overnight period.

 

The refugee kids we had this summer we went to the office to pick them up, headed right to target to buy some clothes, and then home for a shower.  That was interesting as the kids didn't speak or understand any English and one set didn't even speak Spanish so we did lots of pointing and gesturing.

 

We try to go over kitchen rules----very lax, and a few guidelines.  Often their biggest issues are food and sleep.  Ideally we keep the school age kids in the same school so as to have at least some consistency in their lives.

 

I will admit, the first 2 weeks are CHAOTIC.  Everything from getting them underwear and a toothbrush to figuring out bedtimes to mealtimes, etc.  Then add in social worker visits, emergency court hearings, a visit with the parents, any medical/dental/counseling things that need to be done ASAP.  I am just in survival mode those first 2 weeks.

 

After that we start to settle into a routine which helps.

[LucyStoner]

As a foster parent do you find that there are enough safeguards in your state to minimize the potential for abusive foster parents to be approved and in the system?  I know that there a lot of great foster parents like you and a number of my friends but unfortunately there are kids who are injured in many ways by some foster families.  What should states do to reduce that risk?  

 

[Ottakee]

As a foster parent do you find that there are enough safeguards in your state to minimize the potential for abusive foster parents to be approved and in the system?  I know that there a lot of great foster parents like you and a number of my friends but unfortunately there are kids who are injured in many ways by some foster families.  What should states do to reduce that risk?  

We have to do 24 hours of trainings first so that weed out some people.  There are home visits, stacks of paperwork, physicals, etc. that all need to be completed.

 

All of the foster parents I know now are good ones but I have heard of bad ones.  Just because they are licensed doesn't mean they place kids with them either.  I remember one CPS worker telling me he wouldn't use some homes.

 

I really think that foster parents need to be paid more.  Day care for a preschooler/school age kid for 50 hours a week is MORE than what foster parents get for 24 hour care for 7 days a week.  Day care providers don't have to provide transportation, school supplies, clothing, haircuts, activity fees, etc. either.  Even if they paid foster parents the SAME as day care providers we would get about $10/more a day.

 

I know we are not in it for the money but things really do add up when you are trying to give the kids the same opportunities as other kids in your family and community.

[Melissa in Australia]

.

 

This got very long but hopefully answers some questions.  Other foster parents feel free to chime in here and others feel free to ask questions.  We can't give specifics about names/personal details but will answer what we can.

Hope you don't mind me chiming in.

 

 We are doing Permanent care - which I think is very similar to the foster to adopt that you guys have in US.

 

We did a week intensive training. Then wrote very comprehensive life stories. then had 2 social workers spent a week with us doing a background check, house study etc. they then presented us to a panel of psychologists and social workers and we got approval for adoption/ permanent care of 1 7 year old children. (the training is different for infants and the waiting time much longer).

we then were part of a pool of families waiting for a placement. the children are profile matched to the families  so there is not a waiting list per say but rather a wait for a profile to come up that  the placement agency and DHS thinks will work with your family. We waited 3 years for a placement. some of the people we did training with got a placement after 3 months. The children come out of the foster care system and their family has lost the ability to get their child back. this process usually takes 2 years, so the child has been in the foster system for up to 2 years before moving into permanent care. 

 

 

there has to be a 2 year age gap between your youngest child and the  placed children.

 

After the children are placed into our care for permanent care there is around a 2 year process before we actually get guardianship. Before that we are fostering them. And depending on what type of court order they are on is what type of things you have to get permission for. After the guardianship is granted to us then we will only have to get permission to take the children out of state.

 

Fostering reimbursements vary depending on the complexity of the children's needs-  starts off at $7,448 per year and goes up to $37,647 the higher rate for severely disabled children that require very intensive care. This amount includes all the funding that you get for clothes, feeding the children , trips to all medical appointments and trips to access visits. 

 

 

One of the things we are finding overwhelming is the amount of medical professionals we are needing to travel to. We are traveling 100s of Km fortnightly

[Momling]

We do foster care and have had pretty similar experiences as Ottakee with the exception of slightly higher payments ($25/day) but no clothing allowance usually. Kids with higher needs have an incrementally higher payment.

 

Also, most kids in our county are returned to bio homes. There's a big push for reunification, which is sometimes great. We have gotten kids back in foster care from relapsing parents several times however. Also, judges here love ordering lots of supervised parent visits - again, sometimes great... But driving round trip an hour 4-5 days/week for a visit is pretty inconvenient for us.

 

Most case workers are pretty decent. All are well-intentioned, but some are too overworked or inefficient or new to be helpful.