Is anyone else rather baffled by the whole Riot-Boy mom thing?

[Melissa in NC]

I saw an interview of the mom.  She talked about how she sat on the couch WITH her son that evening and watched the chaos on TV and they talked about the craziness.  She LOVES him and wants him to be safe.  She also said she has kept him in the house sometimes to keep him out of trouble.  People are applauding her for her love and her actions to keep him safe at any cost.

[Tsuga]

What *does* bother me are the comments (elsewhere) that, in a nutshell, say the rioting wouldn't be happening if more parents were beating their kids. Sounds like an awesome strategy--teach your kids to avoid violence by making them the victims of violence at home. Uh, ok.

 

And of course the inverse. "If nobody had ever spanked, world peace."

 

I don't blame mom. I was smacked once. Did I deserve it? Probably. I don't blame this mom. Honestly? I don't blame most moms for this level of crap going down.

 

However you spin it, there are massive social problems we have in this country, that are happening in spite of, not because of, what most loving families do on a day to day basis.

[Tammi K]

I like the 'I'm gonna' march right down there and drag that boy out of trouble!" attitude but I'm a little taken aback by the 'whack you up-side your head' approach she took when she got there.  At any rate, it was a mom who saw her son heading into trouble and she didn't hesitate to get in his face and make him re-think his decision, for the better, I believe. That deserves some applause or at least some grudging admiration even if her method was slightly unconventional.

[Arcadia]

Haven't seen smaller riots as a kid and being very familiar with seeing riot vans on standby near football stadiums when a game is on, I would say the mother did what she had to do to get her kid out safe.

 

Flip-flop and slipper is common discipline technique in DH's culture too.

So are stilettos when I was a kid. Even teachers had thrown a few.

[KrissiK]

I have no problem with what she did. Drastic situations call for drastic measures. I'm not saying she's a role model, but I also don't think that quietly drawing him aside and asking, "Son, now what would be an appropriate response in this situation?" would have gotten the job done.

[Murphy101]

Haven't seen smaller riots as a kid and being very familiar with seeing riot vans on standby near football stadiums when a game is on, I would say the mother did what she had to do to get her kid out safe.

 

 

So are stilettos when I was a kid. Even teachers had thrown a few.

Yikes! That's a lot more pointy than a slipper or flipflop!

 

I remember a teacher who would throw chalk board erasers. A kid once caught it and threw it back at her. It was THE talk of the playground for a week. In 8th grade I had a teacher who would flip rubber bands at students.

[Slojo]

I have no problem with what she did. Drastic situations call for drastic measures. I'm not saying she's a role model, but I also don't think that quietly drawing him aside and asking, "Son, now what would be an appropriate response in this situation?" would have gotten the job done.

 

With a different kid, different relationship, sure it would. Not every parent is a "hooper and hollerer."  Sometimes it does not take all that. I very well could imagine approaching my child more calmly (on the outside - I'd be very intense on the inside). I could imagine staring my child down, and dare him to let his momma come to harm in this mob because "I won't leave without you. And if you want to strike out at someone, you have the guts to strike me first."  I am generally not a hooper and hollerer, and have learned through several different experiences that calm can be just as effective in tense situations (including removing a child from a drug house). Or maybe I'd go all crazy on my child... we never know until we are in that situation.

 

Not a better or worse thing, just not a fan of "if more parents slapped and cursed at their children, this whole rioting thing would never happen" type commentary -- that I will not applaud. No, this whole thing gets better because a lot of complex things work together at once, starting with addressing the root causes surrounding this case.

[Farrar]

I guess she was scared. Adrenaline rush due to fear. I think her actions were normal, viewed through that lens. 

 

I don't like the way her actions have been hijacked to suit particular purposes.

 

Agreed. I have no real judgement of her actions. She was scared. She freaked out. It was an extreme situation. She sounds like she's a loving, caring mother who lives a tough life.

 

I can't stand many of the sentiments expressed by people on the internet in support of her. Particularly that if more parents had beaten more boys beforehand this wouldn't have happened. Or the giddy glee that some people have had over it - they clearly enjoyed seeing her, not just remove her kid, but hit him, even if she didn't really hurt him.

 

I also find some of the racial stereotyping issues to be pretty complex there about the "scary black mother" sort of stereotype and how the media like her in part because she fits that stereotype.

[Kari C in SC]

All I got in comparison is that once when my dd was 13, she left a church thing and walked a few blocks to the Burger King with 2 boys. When I found out she was not where she was supposed to be, I went straight to the Burger King to snatch her up. She got in the van and started telling me her reasons. I was so freaking scared that something bad could have happened to her that I back handed her right in the mouth. Not something I typically would ever do. I was so completly pumped with fear and emotion. I needed her to understand why it is NEVER okay to go off like that. Am I proud I did it? Nope. It is what it is. I am a human mom that has had worst happen to one kid and fear got the best of me. I applaud this mom for doing whatever it took to get him out of there.

[kiwik]

The kid is alive and he knows his mum will cross police lines to save him from himself. That is probably a good thing. She did what worked and I think she only had one chance to do it - if he said no and walked away she couldn't have talked him round. I think the circumstances called for all guns blazing so that is what she did.

[Catherine]

Chiming in here without reading the rest of the thread.

 

My friend opined that she's waiting for the video footage of the mom slapping up her misbehaving police officer son. 

 

What bothers me slightly about the public reaction to the video is the implication that it's completely the parents' fault if a child does something wrong.  I think that it's *mostly* the parents' fault, but I also think there are other important social factors that are part of the picture. 

 

 

[Murphy101]

Chiming in here without reading the rest of the thread.

 

My friend opined that she's waiting for the video footage of the mom slapping up her misbehaving police officer son.

 

What bothers me slightly about the public reaction to the video is the implication that it's completely the parents' fault if a child does something wrong. I think that it's *mostly* the parents' fault, but I also think there are other important social factors that are part of the picture.

I think blaming OTHER parents is what people do to convince themselves they don't have to worry about this. Because of course their kid is parented so much better and that means they are safe from having to worry about their kid being an idiot (edited out my inner Red Foreman) or a jerk. So it's a double shocking kick in the teeth when they realize their kid got the same dose of free will as everyone else's and they couldn't parent that out.

 

Don't get me wrong. I think parenting matters. But no, it does not always work like some people think it does. And even if it did, keep in mind something like 60%+? of those kids are only getting 50% or less of the parenting that most in this board are giving their kids. There is no dad in the picture and mom is likely working multiple jobs.

[ktgrok]

.  So many of these rioters were young people that should have had parents and grandparents dragging their behinds home.

 

MOst of them couldn't. The busses were shut down in several places, which is why this situation happened. The cops were worried about kids getting out of control, and shut the bus system down, trapping the students who ride the bus (they use city busses, not school busses there). The kids wanted to get home, were dealing with possible riots, and the police were standing in their way. 

 

It was a bad situation. 

[Slojo]

The kid is alive and he knows his mum will cross police lines to save him from himself. That is probably a good thing. She did what worked and I think she only had one chance to do it - if he said no and walked away she couldn't have talked him round. I think the circumstances called for all guns blazing so that is what she did.

 

She did what she did - and it's fine in the big scheme of things, bigger fish to fry and all that. But let's not pretend that it's the only effective parenting strategy in the book. This whole, "should she have left him to the street?" strawman acts as if the only two parental modes available to her - OR ANYONE - were to do nothing or to slap him silly. And, yeah, as for the footage for the moms of the cops in question -- I'm waiting, too -- or more seriously, I would LOVE for a parent of just one of the cops to explain on national TV "how they didn't raise their sons that way."  Seriously, I have wondered about their parenting and their upbringing, too, in addition to the state of police training. 

[SKL]

She did what she did - and it's fine in the big scheme of things, bigger fish to fry and all that. But let's not pretend that it's the only effective parenting strategy in the book. This whole, "should she have left him to the street?" strawman acts as if the only two parental modes available to her - OR ANYONE - were to do nothing or to slap him silly. And, yeah, as for the footage for the moms of the cops in question -- I'm waiting, too -- or more seriously, I would LOVE for a parent of just one of the cops to explain on national TV "how they didn't raise their sons that way."  Seriously, I have wondered about their parenting and their upbringing, too, in addition to the state of police training. 

 

The majority of parents in the USA hit their kids at some time or other, often when something really bad or stressful happens.

 

There are other ways, some would say better ways, but this is how most kids have been raised up to today.  The Baltimore riot wasn't the place for this mom to go all zen and try something new.

 

I think talking about gentle parenting is a distraction here and takes away from a potential message.  And I don't mean "people need to beat their kids more."

[Joanne]

http://www.washingtonpost.com/posteverything/wp/2015/04/29/why-is-america-celebrating-the-beating-of-a-black-child/

[mom2scouts]

Oh, please!  Now a panicked mother hitting her son is all about him being black?   My 20 year old son told me that moms would be more effective than the National Guard.  I texted, "You know it's true." and  he texted back "It is SO true!"  He knows that I'd probably out there doing the same thing in that situation.  Desperate times call for desperate measures no matter what your race. I don't make a habit of hitting my kids, but she was scared and angry.

[SKL]

Well, if beatings originated in black slavery, I must have some black ancestors that I didn't know about, because my mom had no problem whacking her kids like that at times.  (Just not in public.)

 

Corporal punishment is extremely common in families of all races and social classes, in the US and elsewhere. 

[Lanny]

My wife and I were talking about this, a few minutes ago. My wife believes that woman could easily be elected Mayor of Baltimore, or for some other office. Had she been the Mayor last Monday night, probably she would have allowed the  Baltimore Police Officers to wear their protective gear, which the current Mayor prohibited the police to do...She has the respect of a lot of people, including I believe, that of her son.

[livetoread]

I don't think she is a terrible parent for hitting him. I applaud her for getting him. I just seriously doubt that she needed to hit him and I wish she hadn't. I disagree with people hitting other people, especially when one is a kid, or even a teen. That only somewhat detracts from an overall job well done, but I still wish she hadn't hit him.

[SKL]

It struck me that this discussion is an illustration of "white privilege."  The idea that this mom should have calmed down and gotten a grip on herself before going and extracting her rock-carrying black teen from an active riot.