Working 10 hours per week outside the home? I need your thoughts.

[athomemom]

Update in #61

 

Hi all, 

 

I haven't posted in forever. I do occasionally stop in and read a few post, however. Life has been keeping me busy and things are going well with my 10th graders. All positive! 

 

I haven't worked outside the home in 17 years. I was recently hired as a library shelver 10 hours per week. I work 12-3 on Mondays and Wednesdays, 9-1 on Thursdays. I honestly don't know if I can continue do it. I have been working since December 12th. I like the people, and there is opportunity to move up eventually. It's only 5 mins from home.

 

BUT I still have things that I need to do with my homeschoolers and it seems that we work better in the afternoon rather than the morning.  I need to find time to do driver's ed., ACT prep scheduling... I am struggling to find a balance between job, cooking for the teen that goes to work at 4, karate, etc. I guess I feel overwhelmed and guilty that I am not home. The guys don't need me like they did when they were 7. However, I didn't realize that I already have a full-time job. LOL As my hubby says, "You are the ring-leader." It is so true. I take care of almost everything around the house, running the boys, scheduling everything. Hubby goes to work and comes home.

 

I hope I don't sound whiny. I don't have to work. This was a job that I thought that I would enjoy. There is more to the position than shelving books. I had thought I would go in, shelve books and go home. That's not the case. There are classes they want you to take, etc.

 

I need feedback. Can I make this work? Should I make this work? Please be kind, I am torn.

[LibraryLover]

I think you can do it. It sounds like a great way to have some pleasant interactions out of the home,  earn some money, and perhaps prepare you for the time when your children are off to college.

 

 But can you do it with without anxiety?  I'm currently working after not working for a few years. Part of me misses not having to be dressed and presentable each day, and I miss some old freedoms. I also have a bit of anxiety at times knowing that people are truly depending on me to do my job well. However, once I am at work, it feels great. Good people, nice atmosphere, needed money. It's a funny thing after working so hard at home for no pay, to all of a sudden making money to work hard.  Every time I get a check, I think, "Oh, wow. They pay me!"  lol Every two weeks, even. It's still a bit of a surprise. ;)

 

Full disclosure: I am not hsing anymore, although I am still the ring leader. I also make lunches for my young teen to take to school, although the older child  (who is in college) makes hers because I'm not home when she leaves for school.  Maybe your dc can take over making his meal on that/those days you work?  How many hours of classes do they need you to take? Would this lead to more money, more hours, more work satisfaction when the kids are done hsing (only two more years!)

[SparklyUnicorn]

I wonder if you could ask to change the schedule at the library.  I think I'd find myself having the same problems. 

[Annie G]

I went back to work part time when my youngest was in 10th grade. After a few months of adjustment, it became the best decision ever. It came at just the right time- he needed to step it up in terms of being more responsible for his education, study habits, food prep, managing chores, etc. Without me always available, he learned to do more on his own. 

In addition, dh had grown used to me being home all the time and had forgotten that cooking, laundry, cleaning bathrooms, etc. were truly chores. Her ended up taking some of that on when needed, and it was great for HIM to once again realize how much work I was doing. 

 

Having said that, after 5 years, dh was ready for me to quit and be home full time. I'm loving being back home, but I think it was a perfect job for that period of time. Ds matured so much...he wasn't a bad kid by any means, but he needed a push to take on more.   I also needed to be out and not be someone's mom or teacher or wife. It was great for my self esteem.

 

So, yes, you can do it, but there will be some adjustments.  Especially at first, it does seem overwhelming. The classes they want you to take might the making you anxious. I'd hold out a little longer to see how much you like the job. I think it sounds great because there are no nights, holidays, or weekends...and in the world of part time jobs, that's a pretty rare find. 

 

But if you can't handle it, no big deal. In another couple of years they'll be done with school and you can find another job to try. 

[J-rap]

That was around the age my youngest kids were when I went back to work outside of the home, part-time.  I worked M - F, from about 3:5:30.  So, about the number of hours that you're doing.  I was really nervous at first, and it seemed like a lot to throw in initially.  After a few months though, we got into a routine and it went fine.  I probably wasted that much time at home.  :)  My kids were pretty independent and they had to learn to rely on each other for a few things.

 

Can you give it a little more time and see if it starts feeling better?  On the other hand, if you don't need the extra income and you're not really enjoying it, then I suppose it wouldn't matter if you decided to quit. 

 

 

[hornblower]

I think this is a brilliant opportunity for the other people in the home to do more things. Are you the only person responsible for shopping cleaning & meal prep? Stop it. Your boys & your dh are more than capable of getting lunches & dinners ready for themselves. 

You will be doing your sons a favour to learn these skills & learn to manage their own time and realize they're not living in an all inclusive resort :)

[LucyStoner]

Your sons are both in the 10th grade? I think that they should be able to work on stuff you have assigned in that time, provided you check it regularly. Some of the stuff you say you need to do is stuff they can do on their own, like fixing a meal for themselves before work.

[Tsuga]

What they said.

 

Of course you can't continue to be the only cook, cleaner, etc. in the house and work outside of it. That's hectic. I mean--you can. :) But you shouldn't have to.

 

They can step up to cover that 10 hours.

[regentrude]

I don't see why you should not be able to work 10 hours per week with two high schoolers.

They can do independent school work while you are gone.

They could also cook their own meals, you know? There is no reason why you should have to do that.

You still have two days where you are not working and can be home full time. Totally doable with neurotypical kids.

 

Just to give you some encouragement: I have been working 20+ hours per week ever since I brought my kids home from public school, in 5th/6th grade. With high school aged students it is so much easier, because you just have to check in with them and be available for questions, but they do not need constant supervision for their school work. I am at work for a few hours every day of the week, and since last fall have increased hours to almost full time, including working two evenings. It just takes a bit of getting used to the new schedule, but is no big deal. A few days a week, I actually go home in my lunch break and cook. But if I could not, DS is old enough to fix himself an easy meal.

[SparklyUnicorn]

See the big issue here is I do do most of everything around here.  That definitely would have to change.  And then I think my husband would rather I not work.  Which, unless I enjoyed the job I wouldn't bother.  I think shelving books at a library sounds about as exciting as watching trees grow.

 

 

[hornblower]

See the big issue here is I do do most of everything around here.  That definitely would have to change.  And then I think my husband would rather I not work.  Which, unless I enjoyed the job I wouldn't bother.  I think shelving books at a library sounds about as exciting as watching trees grow.

 

I've never understood that phrase because watching trees grow is fascinating. :)

 

And being in a library for me is always fun. I used to work shelving books at my highschool library (back when schools had large libraries & a f/t dedicated librarian to boot). I loved that job.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I've never understood that phrase because watching trees grow is fascinating. :)

 

And being in a library for me is always fun. I used to work shelving books at my highschool library (back when schools had large libraries & a f/t dedicated librarian to boot). I loved that job.

 

I don't know.  I've spent a lot of time doing filing and it's horrifically boring.  A library might be more interesting though.  Of course this isn't about what I like.  If I liked it I would do it and everyone would have to deal.  I know they'd be supportive.  And if not..well I'd just let them figure it out.

 

Although I imagine if my kids were relying on me for transportation that would be something more difficult to deal with. 

[regentrude]

Although I imagine if my kids were relying on me for transportation that would be something more difficult to deal with. 

 

But working part time for a few hours in the middle of the day, like the OP, it should be very easy to work around her work schedule. That's when kids would normally do school work anyway.

 

My kids needed me for transportation, so we fit it around our work schedules. If they wanted to go some place while I was at work, they'd have to organize alternative rides, or it was not possible for them to go. Shrug. Not a big deal.

 

[hornblower]

filing is dead dull.

 

but books?  Hardest part for me would be stopping myself from reading them instead of shelving them.....  :lol:

[SparklyUnicorn]

But working part time for a few hours in the middle of the day, like the OP, it should be very easy to work around her work schedule.

 

My kids needed me for transportation, so we fit it around our work schedules. If they wanted to go some place while I was at work, they'd have to organize alternative rides, or it was not possible for them to go. Shrug. So not a big deal.

 

 

Probably not a huge deal, but I'm thinking of if they are taking CC courses or something like that.  I would think maybe the library could be somewhat flexible too. 

[Murphy101]

I don't care whether you keep the job or not. I mean, I do as in, "Yay you and I hope you love it!"

 

But if you feel the sacrifice isn't worth the price, however small or great either are, then it isn't and there's nothing wrong with that.

 

But I am far more concerned that you feel you can't leave the house by yourself for 10 hours a week. I don't care if it's a job you love or just need the money or a hobby or meeting friends for coffee or a volunteering at church. Everyone needs to feel they can do that even if they don't. Because at some point, they will need to do it and it's rather traumatic when their family can't cope with it!

 

If you can't because you are busy doing things you feel are priorities in your life - then that's great too. I get that. Been that way for most of 20 years here for us too.

 

If you feel you can't bc then how will they have dinner? Um no.

 

What did you hope to gain from this job? Spending money? Getting a social circle outside of kids? Just trying to not be stuck home (much as we love our homes, we can still feel that way)? Or?

 

If you don't feel this job is going to give what you were needing, then by all means leave the job to someone it might do that for.

 

If you are scared it's going to deminish you as wife and mom somehow bc you won't be there to make dinner or whatever? Go fearlessly, my friend, if not there than in some other endeavor that fills you. Becoming more of yourself isn't going to make you a lessor mom or wife.

[regentrude]

Probably not a huge deal, but I'm thinking of if they are taking CC courses or something like that.  I would think maybe the library could be somewhat flexible too. 

 

Well, my DD had to be on campus way too early or stay later after her classes were out to wait for us to get done and give her a ride home. They just have to bring a book or some school work and sit in the CC library or an empty classroom - or find friends who would be willing to share rides.

I would cross this bridge when it comes to it - not preemptively stay home to be full time available just in case it might be needed at some point in the future.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Well, my DD had to be on campus way too early or stay later after her classes were out to wait for us to get done and give her a ride home. They just have to bring a book or some school work and sit in the CC library or an empty classroom - or find friends who would be willing to share rides.

I would cross this bridge when it comes to it - not preemptively stay home to be full time available just in case it might be needed at some point in the future.

 

Yup.  Well and in my case my kids are too far apart in age.  I can't leave the 9 year old alone yet.  At the rate he is going I'm not sure if ever.  LOL

[regentrude]

Yup.  Well and in my case my kids are too far apart in age.  I can't leave the 9 year old alone yet.  At the rate he is going I'm not sure if ever.  LOL

 

That is certainly more difficult; I had my kids with me at work quite a bit when they were younger. Kid being able to stay home alone is a huge help.

 

But then again, the OP's kids are 16 and should be able to stay home unsupervised ;-)

[athomemom]

You all have given me much to ponder. My boys do quite a bit around the house, but not cooking. It is difficult for hubby to help out. He works 10 hours per day at the least. He isn't available to do to much around here. He is exhausted when he comes home.

 

One son works 20 hours per week, participates in karate, and youth, plus high school - he doesn't have too much time at home to do too much either. Thus, I WANT to cook for him before he goes off to work. This is challenging when I get off at 3. And because he works evenings, it makes it really hard to get started at 8 am. I let him sleep in this morning because he hasn't been feeling well.

 

My back and legs (veins) have been hurting since I started the job. I am definitely out of shape. It isn't very exciting. LOL I definitely do not feel like I am "making friends", but I am out of the house. On the other hand, it is nice making a little money.

 

I also feel like the next two years are what I have left with the boys, and I know it is only 10 hours per week, but I feel guilty and feel like I should be here for/with them. 

 

 

[SparklyUnicorn]

You all have given me much to ponder. My boys do quite a bit around the house, but not cooking. It is difficult for hubby to help out. He works 10 hours per day at the least. He isn't available to do to much around here. He is exhausted when he comes home.

 

One son works 20 hours per week, participates in karate, and youth, plus high school - he doesn't have too much time at home to do too much either. Thus, I WANT to cook for him before he goes off to work. This is challenging when I get off at 3. And because he works evenings, it makes it really hard to get started at 8 am. I let him sleep in this morning because he hasn't been feeling well.

 

My back and legs (veins) have been hurting since I started the job. I am definitely out of shape. It isn't very exciting. LOL I definitely do not feel like I am "making friends", but I am out of the house. On the other hand, it is nice making a little money.

 

I also feel like the next two years are what I have left with the boys, and I know it is only 10 hours per week, but I feel guilty and feel like I should be here for/with them. 

 

You are still there for them though.  If they were in school full time, you wouldn't see much of them at all.

 

Sounds like you could go either way with this.  Flip a coin?  ; )

[regentrude]

You all have given me much to ponder. My boys do quite a bit around the house, but not cooking. It is difficult for hubby to help out. He works 10 hours per day at the least. He isn't available to do to much around here. He is exhausted when he comes home.

 

One son works 20 hours per week, participates in karate, and youth, plus high school - he doesn't have too much time at home to do too much either. Thus, I WANT to cook for him before he goes off to work. This is challenging when I get off at 3. And because he works evenings, it makes it really hard to get started at 8 am. I let him sleep in this morning because he hasn't been feeling well.

 

My back and legs (veins) have been hurting since I started the job. I am definitely out of shape. It isn't very exciting. LOL I definitely do not feel like I am "making friends", but I am out of the house. On the other hand, it is nice making a little money.

 

I also feel like the next two years are what I have left with the boys, and I know it is only 10 hours per week, but I feel guilty and feel like I should be here for/with them. 

 

Just curious: how is your day WHEN you are home? I don't see much of my 10th grader even if I am home. 3 hours mid day? He would not notice whether I'm home or not.

 

As others have already said: you need to decide whether you want to make it work or not. Family is a team effort - I would not permit my teen's extracurricular schedule to dictate when I can work and when not. That is something the entire family has to decide; it can't be that you can't work because you have to accommodate his working. Always assuming you actually want to, which does not sound like it is the case.

 

If you want to make it work, you could, for example, precook the meal the night before, or precook on your day off, or cook in the morning before you go to work.

 

But honestly, it sounds as if you are looking for reasons why it won't work. Then just decide that you do.not.want. to. That's fine too.

 

[Murphy101]

And I will say from personal experience...

 

Just like all the millions of little things I do for my kids draws me closer to them, that's true for them and their father too. The times when I was out of the picture (or more accurately puking unconscious in a blurry corner of the picture) and dh and the kids had to hold the fort and do it for longer than just ocassionally until mom arrives? Those were huge times of stress. And of bonding stronger. And of building more confidence.

 

Maybe you can set a deadline to decide? Like 6 months? If in 6 months you feel things are getting worse or just ready to try something else, then I def think you should regardless of everything else.

[athomemom]

I should add that I am the means of transportation. Period. No one will be driving here alone until at least June. In the fall both are hoping to take CC or Tech classes and that will add a whole new dimension to the scheme. 

 

Apparently, I do not do well with change. This has been good and weird all at once for me. I wish I had tons of littles still in my house. Being a mommy is what I love to do the most. Sigh. 

[Annie G]

Are karate and youth held during the hours you work or after? Around here, that kind of thing is late afternoon/evening. So other than fixing a meal for ds and being away during their most productive hours, it really sounds like guilt is what is bothering you.  

 

 Meal prep is easy. He can eat whatever the rest of you had the last day you worked. So on Wednesday he eats what you guys ate Monday after he went to work. Same on Friday- whatever you made for dinner Thursday, set his portion aside for the next day.  

 

But I really think you just feel guilty. And if you want to quit, just do it.  But I couldn't muster any guilt for being away from my family so I could take a part time job.  If my kid had really needed me, yeah. But as a high schooler, he needed to get ready for being away at college and learning to juggle everything that he needed to do in a day. Without me being the ringleader. 

 

It's ok to feel guilty and quit. Just own it, though. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

I should add that I am the means of transportation. Period. No one will be driving here alone until at least June. In the fall both are hoping to take CC or Tech classes and that will add a whole new dimension to the scheme. 

 

Apparently, I do not do well with change. This has been good and weird all at once for me. I wish I had tons of littles still in my house. Being a mommy is what I love to do the most. Sigh. 

 

I have a hard time with change.  Even positive change.  I got a new car recently and had driven the old one for 15 years.  I was literally distraught for about 3 weeks because I wasn't used to the car.  I thought I would not get used to it.  I just kept trying and trying not to freak out.  I did.  I actually like the car a lot better than my old car now.  I don't have to worry that it might not start!

 

Maybe you'd like to do child care or be a nanny?  Or work in a daycare. 

[athomemom]

I don't care whether you keep the job or not. I mean, I do as in, "Yay you and I hope you love it!"

 

But if you feel the sacrifice isn't worth the price, however small or great either are, then it isn't and there's nothing wrong with that.

 

But I am far more concerned that you feel you can't leave the house by yourself for 10 hours a week. I don't care if it's a job you love or just need the money or a hobby or meeting friends for coffee or a volunteering at church. Everyone needs to feel they can do that even if they don't. Because at some point, they will need to do it and it's rather traumatic when their family can't cope with it!

 

If you can't because you are busy doing things you feel are priorities in your life - then that's great too. I get that. Been that way for most of 20 years here for us too.

 

If you feel you can't bc then how will they have dinner? Um no.

 

What did you hope to gain from this job? Spending money? Getting a social circle outside of kids? Just trying to not be stuck home (much as we love our homes, we can still feel that way)? Or?

 

If you don't feel this job is going to give what you were needing, then by all means leave the job to someone it might do that for.

 

If you are scared it's going to deminish you as wife and mom somehow bc you won't be there to make dinner or whatever? Go fearlessly, my friend, if not there than in some other endeavor that fills you. Becoming more of yourself isn't going to make you a lessor mom or wife.

 

I had hoped to gain more of a community feel. We've been here 4 years almost and I am not getting that from my homeschool community or church. I don't think I will gain that shelving. 

 

And then I think of my 'babies' that will be gone shortly. I want all the time I have left with them to be good. I feel torn. 

[Murphy101]

You all have given me much to ponder. My boys do quite a bit around the house, but not cooking. It is difficult for hubby to help out. He works 10 hours per day at the least. He isn't available to do to much around here. He is exhausted when he comes home.

 

One son works 20 hours per week, participates in karate, and youth, plus high school - he doesn't have too much time at home to do too much either. Thus, I WANT to cook for him before he goes off to work. This is challenging when I get off at 3. And because he works evenings, it makes it really hard to get started at 8 am. I let him sleep in this morning because he hasn't been feeling well.

 

My back and legs (veins) have been hurting since I started the job. I am definitely out of shape. It isn't very exciting. LOL I definitely do not feel like I am "making friends", but I am out of the house. On the other hand, it is nice making a little money.

 

I also feel like the next two years are what I have left with the boys, and I know it is only 10 hours per week, but I feel guilty and feel like I should be here for/with them.

Is it 10 hours as in 2 x 5 days a week or?

 

5 days a week would be a right pita. But if it's 2 afternoons? Could you prep a meal the nights before or the morning before you go? I've had to put a lot of work into meal planning around work and school schedules. It's quite challenging sometimes even with being a sAHM! We can share foodie ideas! :)

 

And give friendship time. You haven't been there very long. 6 months or so would be typical to get relaxed enough to start feeling more comfortable with people. Takes me forever. Like years.

[athomemom]

Are karate and youth held during the hours you work or after? Around here, that kind of thing is late afternoon/evening. So other than fixing a meal for ds and being away during their most productive hours, it really sounds like guilt is what is bothering you.  

 

 Meal prep is easy. He can eat whatever the rest of you had the last day you worked. So on Wednesday he eats what you guys ate Monday after he went to work. Same on Friday- whatever you made for dinner Thursday, set his portion aside for the next day.  

 

But I really think you just feel guilty. And if you want to quit, just do it.  But I couldn't muster any guilt for being away from my family so I could take a part time job.  If my kid had really needed me, yeah. But as a high schooler, he needed to get ready for being away at college and learning to juggle everything that he needed to do in a day. Without me being the ringleader. 

 

It's ok to feel guilty and quit. Just own it, though. 

 

Karate is after hours, but it is trying to get everything done beforehand that is stressing me.

 

Yep, I feel guilty. Plus, my greatest joy is being a homemaker. I truly enjoy it. I also thought I would enjoy this part-time position.

[Murphy101]

I'm the primary driver here too. In fact. I have to leave now to take a kid to work....

[athomemom]

I'm the primary driver here too. In fact. I have to leave now to take a kid to work....

 

I don't know how you do it! You could run a taxi service...

[athomemom]

Just curious: how is your day WHEN you are home? I don't see much of my 10th grader even if I am home. 3 hours mid day? He would not notice whether I'm home or not.

 

As others have already said: you need to decide whether you want to make it work or not. Family is a team effort - I would not permit my teen's extracurricular schedule to dictate when I can work and when not. That is something the entire family has to decide; it can't be that you can't work because you have to accommodate his working. Always assuming you actually want to, which does not sound like it is the case.

 

If you want to make it work, you could, for example, precook the meal the night before, or precook on your day off, or cook in the morning before you go to work.

 

But honestly, it sounds as if you are looking for reasons why it won't work. Then just decide that you do.not.want. to. That's fine too.

 

When I am home, I do the necessary homework with the boys before I leave. It is a struggle for them to sit here and try to be awake at 8 am. They are typically busy doing school most of the day. I am here though if they need me. 

 

Also, we have no family here. So, I feel completely responsible for them. Hubby can't do much; he works further away and many hours per week.

 

Perhaps you are right, I am looking for excuses. 

[athomemom]

Is it 10 hours as in 2 x 5 days a week or?

 

5 days a week would be a right pita. But if it's 2 afternoons? Could you prep a meal the nights before or the morning before you go? I've had to put a lot of work into meal planning around work and school schedules. It's quite challenging sometimes even with being a sAHM! We can share foodie ideas! :)

 

And give friendship time. You haven't been there very long. 6 months or so would be typical to get relaxed enough to start feeling more comfortable with people. Takes me forever. Like years.

 

Yes, it is 12-3 Monday and Wednesday. 9-1 on Thursday. 

 

Most of the ladies there are older. Which isn't a bad thing, but I don't see me making real connections. Plus, I am shelving books. There isn't much interaction. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

When I am home, I do the necessary homework with the boys before I leave. It is a struggle for them to sit here and try to be awake at 8 am. They are typically busy doing school most of the day. I am here though if they need me. 

 

Also, we have no family here. So, I feel completely responsible for them. Hubby can't do much; he works further away and many hours per week.

 

Perhaps you are right, I am looking for excuses. 

 

We have no family either.  And we homeschool.  So I too often feel like "I'm all they got". 

 

But again, it is only 10 hours.  If you don't like the job though, maybe look for something else.  It doesn't sound like you like it enough.  Otherwise I think you'd figure it out.  KWIM?

 

But then there is the fact it gets your foot in the door.  Maybe not just the library door, but the door elsewhere.  Ya gotta start somewhere.  And you have to think of yourself too because soon enough your kids will be off doing their own thing without you.  This is not to say your thing has to be a job exactly, but maybe you want to do something. 

 

Just remind me of this when I come here asking about this a few years from now.  LOL  None of this is easy. 

[athomemom]

We have no family either.  And we homeschool.  So I too often feel like "I'm all they got". 

 

But again, it is only 10 hours.  If you don't like the job though, maybe look for something else.  It doesn't sound like you like it enough.  Otherwise I think you'd figure it out.  KWIM?

 

But then there is the fact it gets your foot in the door.  Maybe not just the library door, but the door elsewhere.  Ya gotta start somewhere.  And you have to think of yourself too because soon enough your kids will be off dong their own thing without you.  This is not to say your thing has to be a job exactly, but maybe you want to do something. 

 

Just remind me of this when I come here asking about this a few years from now.  LOL  None of this is easy. 

 

It's true. I don't want to be sitting here when they are gone wondering what to do. On the other hand, I want to cherish and have every moment that I have left with them. The job isn't what I thought it would be. It's not awful, but it isn't great either. 

 

I will remind you!

[regentrude]

It's true. I don't want to be sitting here when they are gone wondering what to do. On the other hand, I want to cherish and have every moment that I have left with them.

 

I have just gone through this process with my firstborn leaving for college. The best advice I received from women who BTDT was to make plans, and to start something new, before they leave.

I put that into action and it really helped me deal with the first semester with DD gone. I hear what you say about cherishing the time, and I definitely wanted to savor every minute while she was home - it is a balancing act.

But I believe it is very smart to begin thinking about what you would like to do with your life. For me, as soon as DD started taking outsie classes, she did it all on her own and I was barely involved in her schooling. So, if this job is not a job you love, and if you decide to quit, you may still want to take the opportunity to think and try out a few things to discover how to fill that void... for a void there will be.. or even a gaping abyss.

Best wishes.

 

[LucyStoner]

I'm the primary driver here too. In fact. I have to leave now to take a kid to work....

If you put a paymeter on your car you could fund your retirement just by charging your kids for rides. I only have 2 and I am seriously considering it...

[Murphy101]

I had hoped to gain more of a community feel. We've been here 4 years almost and I am not getting that from my homeschool community or church. I don't think I will gain that shelving.

 

And then I think of my 'babies' that will be gone shortly. I want all the time I have left with them to be good. I feel torn.

Idk. Community takes a long time. At least to me it does. I've lived here my whole life and I don't think I have much more community than you feel you do. And my community has shrunk a lot as I've had teens. Because my time to develop or maintain friendships has dwindled. I think my teens are more time consuming of my emotions and energy and time than they were when I had 5 under 6. Seriously. I'm not exaggerating. That's what it really feels like to me. And like you say, before long they will be leaving the nest so I also feel I should savor as much as I can while I can. The days of everyone being here for Sunday dinners or even holidays are going to be rare before I know it.

 

If you want to quit bc it's just not the right fit for you, then quit. No excuses necessary.

 

And about wanting to make dinner...

 

Do you watch The Goldbergs on TV? My dh loves that show and we were cracking up over the Asian diner episode bc tho it hasn't been dinner, it's been different things like that over the years for both of us.

 

Honestly it sounds like you found your career (me too!) and are looking for a hobby and friendships.

 

So.

 

Have I mentioned how wonderful it can be to learn to crochet, knit or sew lately? ;p

[Murphy101]

It's true. I don't want to be sitting here when they are gone wondering what to do. On the other hand, I want to cherish and have every moment that I have left with them. The job isn't what I thought it would be. It's not awful, but it isn't great either.

 

I will remind you!

Uhhh. That just sounds like a job to me! LOL

 

But yes, it's hard to strike that balance of savoring these not quite grown up years with also fostering our personal not just a mom needs. I don't think any of us want to be sitting at home alone or bored for the majority of our older years.

[Murphy101]

If you put a paymeter on your car you could fund your retirement just by charging your kids for rides. I only have 2 and I am seriously considering it...

Which would be more effective if they wouldn't need to ask me for money for the paymeter.

 

I tell them all the time they are my retirement plan and decades from now I don't want to hear any whining about how mom's nursing home is just too much of a daily drive to visit unless that's their excuse for having me move in with them. :D

[Murphy101]

Annnnd as long as I'm serial posting...

 

Have you mentioned feeling like you haven't found community at your church to your pastor? Is it lack of involvement or inclusion or?

 

My pastors always just gave me the "oh this is a season in your life.." theme bc I have so many young ones, which was never helpful and rather not family friendly either. But THAT is another topic.

 

But I would like to think if I wasn't in that situation they'd make an effort to point me to where I am needed/wanted or what might be my niche.

[athomemom]

Annnnd as long as I'm serial posting...

 

Have you mentioned feeling like you haven't found community at your church to your pastor? Is it lack of involvement or inclusion or?

 

My pastors always just gave me the "oh this is a season in your life.." theme bc I have so many young ones, which was never helpful and rather not family friendly either. But THAT is another topic.

 

But I would like to think if I wasn't in that situation they'd make an effort to point me to where I am needed/wanted or what might be my niche.

 

I just sent you a PM. Yes, it is lack of participation on my part. But I do not get warm fuzzies from anyone there either. It's weird. People are cold.

 

I wish I had young ones. Sigh. That would cure lots of ailments around here. LOL For me anyway.

[Murphy101]

I just sent you a PM. Yes, it is lack of participation on my part. But I do not get warm fuzzies from anyone there either. It's weird. People are cold.

 

I wish I had young ones. Sigh. That would cure lots of ailments around here. LOL For me anyway.

I am so sorry they are cold. Sadly I don't think that is weird, just really sad. I don't need the warm fuzzies (sure I'd like them tho!) but yeah cold sucks the warmth out people and it's a shame they've done that to you. Cold is lonely painful place to be. (((Hugs)))

[MSNative]

I so understand that feeling of what am I going to do when I'm no longer a homeschooling mom vs I don't want to miss any time cause these kids are growing up so fast! Hugs to you!!

Sounds like you don't enjoy the job. It's not giving you the community you were looking for and it's not intellectually stimulating. If you don't need the money, I'd quit.

Have you thought about what you want to do? I love coaching and training people but after being out of the professional training (not fitness) training field for a couple of decades, I knew it would be tough to go back and find a job. I ended up finding a network marketing job I love. I get to connect with great ladies, help coach and train them and be their biggest cheerleader. I love it. Plus I can work from home right with my kids while building their college funds. It's been a win win for me. Maybe you could find a job that would be like that for you? You sound like you love little kids. What about working in a place with little kids? A nursery, the hospital, etc? Maybe there is a non profit group or community group you could join. Maybe you could even start a group for almost empty nesters at your church. If you are feeling left out others might be too. I'd follow your passion. Even if you are just volunteering or getting paid minimum wage while working very part time, you would at least be building a resume in the area you want to work.

[MSNative]

If you put a paymeter on your car you could fund your retirement just by charging your kids for rides. I only have 2 and I am seriously considering it...

I love this idea. Maybe along with cash it could ring up chores they have to do in exchange for a ride. ;)

[Jaz]

It sounds like you want to be home in this stage of life and would like someone to give you permission to quit. I give you permission, enjoy your life!

[myfunnybunch]

I work. Sometimes more than ten hours a week. Often less. I'm involved in a big project this week so I'll be gone most of the week.

 

You're right, it is a lot of juggling. There are so many little things that I do throughout the day that just don't get done when I am out. I didn't realize how many little things I managed to fit in, like folding a basket of laundry or tidying a space between lessons, until they were all waiting for me at the end of the day.

 

But I love my job. The pay is certainly a plus, but the "hidden" benefits are nice too. My boys have the opportunity to miss me and need to take responsibility for their own learning (their dad is home with them, but working). We have to all work together and be flexible to make lessons and meals and chores work. I like getting out of the house. I work with nice people. The work is fun and challenging.

 

If I didn't enjoy it, I would quit in a second. No regrets.

 

If things weren't working at home and I really wanted to make it work, I'd rally my family to step up to support me. ('Cause, um, my job helps pay for some of those extracurriculars...so they can do the math there.)

 

If you're missing little ones, do you think you'd enjoy a job working with children? Child care/preschool sub, work with a welcome baby home visit or parent support program for parents of little ones, maybe an hour a week with the library storytime....?

 

Cat

[SKL]

I think it should be reasonable, but there will be a learning curve as you and your sons figure out what needs to change around the house and get into a new groove.  You can't continue to do everything you did before when you're working.  And that is more than OK.

[lmrich]

Another point to consider, what will you do when they are in college? Even if they live at home you need to let them go. Please do not be the mom does her kids' laundry until they move out. Giving your kids repsonsibity makes them repsonsible. If you are always there to solve thier problems, they will not learn problem solving skills. For example, your son needs to eat early, give him instructions on how to turn the crockpot on or how to heat something up. You can teach him to cook one meal. Another thing to consider is that if you quit this job so early on, how will it impact the next time you try to get a job? Maybe not at all, but it is something to think about. You also started this job over the holidays; give it time doing it with your real scheudle. If your kids can drive in June, they should be fine by Sep. to drive to CC. 

Change is hard. It is just plain hard. 

[athomemom]

I so understand that feeling of what am I going to do when I'm no longer a homeschooling mom vs I don't want to miss any time cause these kids are growing up so fast! Hugs to you!!

Sounds like you don't enjoy the job. It's not giving you the community you were looking for and it's not intellectually stimulating. If you don't need the money, I'd quit.

Have you thought about what you want to do? I love coaching and training people but after being out of the professional training (not fitness) training field for a couple of decades, I knew it would be tough to go back and find a job. I ended up finding a network marketing job I love. I get to connect with great ladies, help coach and train them and be their biggest cheerleader. I love it. Plus I can work from home right with my kids while building their college funds. It's been a win win for me. Maybe you could find a job that would be like that for you? You sound like you love little kids. What about working in a place with little kids? A nursery, the hospital, etc? Maybe there is a non profit group or community group you could join. Maybe you could even start a group for almost empty nesters at your church. If you are feeling left out others might be too. I'd follow your passion. Even if you are just volunteering or getting paid minimum wage while working very part time, you would at least be building a resume in the area you want to work.

 

I actually thought I'd enjoy working at the library. Lots of employees advance to other positions. My current boss started out as a shelver. Now that I am there though, it isn't very enjoyable. It isn't awful, but I am not in love with it. I don't need the money. I took the job because I thought I would enjoy it & it would get ME out of the house a bit.

 

Before I had the boys, I was an administrative assistant. I enjoyed that very much. Most positions available for such work are full-time. That is a no-go for now. I don't know what I'd like to do beyond the library. I haven't worked in 17 years. Maybe I am in shock. LOL