Clothes and advice for an early developing 10 yr old girl.

[SpecialClassical]

I've been thinking about asking for advice and links for a while. Yesterday pushed me over the edge. My 10 yr old daughter has developed very early. (Could be because of FAS) Her chest is not just growing, it is quite large. Also, she no longer has a little girl figure because of puberty. She is totally a little girl in tastes, though. Also, she is muscular. She always has been solid and strong.

 

Yesterday she was trying on a medium sized shirt in the junior department at Kohl's. The arms were too tight, She got mad and told me she hates how her body is and haven't I noticed she looks different than all the other girls? Poor baby. She is beautiful, just striking and people mention that. I think she knows, but that doesn't change the fact that she is so different than the other girls her age. I told her she always has had muscles and it is good to be strong, but she does not care at this point.

So, I would love advice on what to say to help her. Also, can you think of some female athletes or stars who are stocky because of muscle? Lastly, please point me to any source of clothing that could properly fit a chesty 10 year old who just wants to be a little girl.

PS. Her pediatrician mentioned concerns about wieght gain in front of her a few months ago. It was in reference to some medication she is on that increases appetite. Yeah, I was ticked. However, her therapist asked about her eating habits last week and mentioned that she was a good size and didn't think she looked overweight at all.

She is overweight by the charts, but nobody would guess that looking at her. She just looks like the size of an average 15 yr old.

[SpecialClassical]

Oh, and I'm running out the door soon, but will check this when I get home later tonight. I don't want anyone to think I'm ignoring them! Thank you!

[kewb]

My dd developed a little earlier then her peers and has always been a chart topper for height and weight. It was difficult. For my dd it was not easy being the big girl amongst all her waif friends. Waif is not in the gene pool. My dd is a competitive swimmer and has very broad shoulders on top of everything else in her life.

 

We talked a lot about how every body is different and that is okay. We talked about personal space, unwanted attention due to body, friends being mean because of something she has no control over, how sometimes it will feel lonely and odd and angry. All normal, all okay, and part of growing up. Basically, keep those lines of communication wide open.

 

Junior clothes never really worked for my dd as they tend to be cut very narrow and for someone who was older then the age of 10. I did have luck buying her staples from the petite department.

 

It is a challenging time on your dd's life just keep talking to her.

[*Lulu*]

My daughter is also taller and more curvy than other girls her age.

 

I no longer shop in juniors for her. (Except a few brands at Target)

 

I buy what is well fitting through her curves and make alterations to length if needed.

 

Old Navy's women's clothing styles are well suited to younger girls.

[texasmama]

We had good luck in the petite department of Kohl's.  Juniors was a no go.  Ironically, we are not short so it was funny to shop in the petite department, but it was what fit my dd at this age/stage until she grew into regular ladies' sizes.  Old Navy jeans might work depending on her size.  They have short lengths.

[*Lulu*]

We talk a lot about how the number on the tag is not as important as fit. And that a healthy body is the goal, not a number on the scale or rack.

[SKL]

Aww.

 

First of all I would not shop in the Junior department.  The clothes there aren't a good fit for most females at any stage of their lives IME.  I never could shop in the Jr department; I went straight from Girls' to Misses (and sometimes I even bought from the boys' department - still do, in fact).

 

If you have trouble finding anything in the misses' department, try online.  Hopefully some parents here can suggest some good sources.  I'm sure there are products out there, because many kids in that age group are developing nowadays.

 

I have a very slim daughter who has an above-average BMI due to being muscular and having a big chest (just bone structure, no development yet).  I don't think that's uncommon.  If your dd looks healthy and is active, I would ignore the BMI and the comments.

[EndOfOrdinary]

This is more about the idea of sexuality and not objectifying women.  I do not know if that is something you are looking for, but since she is developing early and beginning to get self conscious, knowing that she is not the sum total of her parts might be something you want to touch on.  We have watched and talked about this with my 10 year old son.  There are a few language bits, but not much.  The "c" word is written and flashes across the screen in one section but there are many other words as well.  My son did not pick up on it at all.  That is the only part which I can think of as very objectionable and caused me a bit of pause.  Totally flew over his head.  Any other language is something she has more than heard before at 10.  It was not enough that I haven't let him watch it.  The information is just too well presented.

 

Link:  http://youtu (DOT) be/H0qRDXBsoU0

 

replace the (DOT) with a period and remove the spaces.  I didn't want to actually post the video in case anyone might be weird about it.

[SKL]

Re possible role models, would the Williams sisters be of any help?  They wrote a book for girls that seemed helpful (I saw it some years ago).  It talked about self-esteem, taking care of one's body, fitting clothes, personal style.

[SKL]

This might be the one I'm talking about.  One review says it's for grades 7 and up, another says grades 5-8.  For the girl in the OP, possibly it would make most sense to pick out pertinent parts and read them together.

 

http://smile.amazon.com/Venus-Serena-Serving-Living-Winning/dp/0618576533/ref=sr_1_fkmr1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1417994012&sr=8-1-fkmr1&keywords=venus+serena+williams+book+for+girls+kids

[Mommy22alyns]

Have her look at some elite gymnasts, like Simone Biles, Aly Raisman, or Jordyn Wieber.  They're not petite little things, but their muscles  serve an amazing  purpose!

[maize]

I was thinking gymnasts too--top performers tend more towards the stocky, muscular look than the thin, willowy type. They can be great role models.

[Starr]

Yes to proper fitting undergarments and skipping the juniors. Dd was a little older but we spent many hours going through racks for young styled clothing in petites. 

[SpecialClassical]

Thank you, thank you! I appreciate each reply and the links. We will head right to petites next time. We did find jeans for her at Old Navy, so that was wonderful. I'll check into all the other recommendations as well.

 

The replies about body image are also helpful. I'm going to look up those gymnasts and show her that they are built like her. I wonder if I can find a young equestrian built like that. It might encourage her as she starts lessons.

[Cammie]

Look at women skiers - very strong, muscly bodies.

 

I think excelled professionally fitted bras are the most important.  She should not feel that sports or any activity cannot be done because she doesn't have the necessary support.

 

She will probably face jealousy from girls at some point and early advances from boys.  Prepare her. 

 

I agree with shopping in the petite section of the women's department. 

 

Also, with weight gain at that age - it often happens before a height gain.  My daughter was definitely a bit chubby at age 10-11.  However, now at 14 she has slimmed down considerably.  No dieting.  A little bit of height added.  She is the goalie on her soccer team so some physical activity.  But I think mostly it was just pre-puberty weight gain and natural slimming down.

[Ali in OR]

I once bought my wheelchair kid a plaid shirt in the junior department because she was outgrowing kid sizes. That thing was so small and skinny! I thought for sure that juniors would be bigger than kids, but I had to hand that shirt down to my scrawny 9 yo. The arms were particularly small. So yeah, junior sizes are problematic.

 

When my middle dd was developing early, I tried to find shirts with gathers or something so they weren't tight across the chest. It wasn't easy to find them. For a strong, athletic build, you might try athletic clothing. Many of my youngest's soccer teammates like to wear sporty clothes all of the time. And for roll models, you might check the US women's soccer team. Pretty sure Abby Wambach is not a stick.

[Laurel-in-CA]

Fitting the bra has been a big deal for my now-11yo dd. Her older sisters are nowhere near as well endowed, and we have had to buy bras frequently as she grew. Now that the bust development has slowed down a bit, we are focusing on better fit. For us, that is Pennys; altho' my older girls say Victoria's Secret does a great job with fittings, I am just not ready to take a pre-teen in there. Pennys has been pretty good. I also recommend the petitie department. I don't buy anything in juniors or at kohl's....just too skimpy in design to fit dd, who needs a more generously cut fit on top. She really is liking loose but colorful sweaters from the thrift store right now, and of course it's great weather for layers. They help her feel less self-conscious.

[lovinmomma]

I'm so happy to see this thread. I've been heartsick over my dd9 who came back from Thanksgiving break with her dad (we're divorced) thinking she's "fat".   :crying:   DD has always been average to skinny in size, but she started her period back a couple of months ago (at 9!!!) and the hormones have obviously meant that she has a little bit of meat on her now. Her BMI is great. She's not overweight. She's just turning into a young lady. DD9 came back saying that she was fat and clothes didn't look right on her because her Dad was making fun of her on the trip about her "big belly". :cursing:  I had to refrain from doing this  :smash: to my ex's head. :glare:

[SpecialClassical]

Lovinmomma, that is so frustrating. Your ex needs to use his brain! My dad used to call me Thunder Thighs. The funny thing is, I was quite slim. And he's a great father, just not thinking.

 

It sounds like our girls are similar. Growing up can be so hard!

 

Thanks to all for the continued advice and recommendations. I'm not sure where to go for a bra fitting around here, but I will look into it. She's been wearing athletic bras because the training bras were too small.

[unsinkable]

(((Jvander)))

 

I'm sorry. My DD went from the girls department to misses. We skipped over Juniors entirely, especially at Kohl's.

 

She hated jeans, which was a good thing because it was really difficult to find jeans for a smaller curvy girl. Our best bets were pull on pants, pull on skirts and casual T-shirts.

 

I've found that the worst is over after the first couple years. Her growth stopped by about 14 and by then she knew what she liked and was comfortable with.

[unsinkable]

I'm so happy to see this thread. I've been heartsick over my dd9 who came back from Thanksgiving break with her dad (we're divorced) thinking she's "fat". :crying: DD has always been average to skinny in size, but she started her period back a couple of months ago (at 9!!!) and the hormones have obviously meant that she has a little bit of meat on her now. Her BMI is great. She's not overweight. She's just turning into a young lady. DD9 came back saying that she was fat and clothes didn't look right on her because her Dad was making fun of her on the trip about her "big belly". :cursing: I had to refrain from doing this :smash: to my ex's head. :glare:

(((Lovinmomma and DD)))

 

I'm really sorry. I hope your ex will STheckU.

[maize]

I'm so happy to see this thread. I've been heartsick over my dd9 who came back from Thanksgiving break with her dad (we're divorced) thinking she's "fat".   :crying:   DD has always been average to skinny in size, but she started her period back a couple of months ago (at 9!!!) and the hormones have obviously meant that she has a little bit of meat on her now. Her BMI is great. She's not overweight. She's just turning into a young lady. DD9 came back saying that she was fat and clothes didn't look right on her because her Dad was making fun of her on the trip about her "big belly". :cursing:  I had to refrain from doing this  :smash: to my ex's head. :glare:

 

 

Oh I am so sorry. 

 

I'd want to  :smash:  :smash:  :smash:  :smash:  :smash: dad's head as well, girls need support not mockery from their fathers.

[The Girls' Mom]

I'm sorry.  It is such a hard age/stage.  My girls are tall and hit puberty at an early age.  10-12 was a hard age for them as they were adjusting to new bodies while all of their same age friends still looked like little girls.  Some things that helped their self image:  Knowing that it was NORMAL to pudge up a bit before a growth spurt.  Knowing that the other girls will go through similar things, just at a different age.  Shopping at thrift stores and in the women's departments and avoiding the junior department. We also avoided the scale, BMI calculators, etc.  We focused on what healthy looked like, and how to eat well and be active.  

 

Also, as a previous poster mentioned, be prepared for grown men flirting, unfortunately.  I have one child in particular that looked 18 at 12 and carried herself as much older than she was.  (not in a sexual way, she just has an "old soul' personality) Anyway, we often dealt with/deal with men being a little too flirty.  Most are appropriately horrified when they realize she is so young, but it is still uncomfortable.  She is 14 now, and has mastered the unapproachable glare when someone starts making assumptions.  

[texasmama]

Hearing a negative message from my father regarding my body as a girl/teen would have devastated me. 

 

Girls/women have enough body issues without parents heaping on more.

 

My older dd was a bit chunky much of her growing up years.  She became really overweight in high school.  Then she decided she didn't want to be overweight and put herself on an appropriate diet and lost 50 pounds.  She has the same weight struggle I do with the 20 pounds that doesn't want to go away, but she is not obese now in college.  It was hard to deal with for me and to know how to help and support her during her childhood and teenhood regarding these issues.  They were overlaid with my own issues.  Mostly, I said nothing and just loved her.  I didn't want her to get a negative message from me.  Her weight and eating choices were hers, not mine.  They did not reflect on me.  They reflected on her genetics combined with her own choices.  I repeated this message a lot in my head because I have a lot of skinny relatives, both due to genetics (not blood relations) and strong beliefs that thin is good and chunky is bad.  Older dd is pretty okay with herself now. :)

[The Girls' Mom]

I don't know if this would help her feel a bit better, or not...but this is my dd at the ripe old age of 12, with me.  She was wearing heels, but yes, she is tall.  I'm 5'7.5".  She felt like a giant when she was that age.  Now that her peers are finally hitting puberty, she says she doesn't feel that way any more.  She is still tall, but not the TALLEST of every kid she knows.  

 

[SpecialClassical]

I don't know if this would help her feel a bit better, or not...but this is my dd at the ripe old age of 12, with me. She was wearing heels, but yes, she is tall. I'm 5'7.5". She felt like a giant when she was that age. Now that her peers are finally hitting puberty, she says she doesn't feel that way any more. She is still tall, but not the TALLEST of every kid she knows.

 

That is a very nice picture of you both. So pretty! Thanks for sharing it.

[SpecialClassical]

(((Jvander)))

 

I'm sorry. My DD went from the girls department to misses. We skipped over Juniors entirely, especially at Kohl's.

 

She hated jeans, which was a good thing because it was really difficult to find jeans for a smaller curvy girl. Our best bets were pull on pants, pull on skirts and casual T-shirts.

 

I've found that the worst is over after the first couple years. Her growth stopped by about 14 and by then she knew what she liked and was comfortable with.

You know, my daughter hated jeans for a long time as well. She liked those little girl pull on pants until they got too tight really fast! We found her some jeans at Old Navy, but she kept looking at me with big eyes when she would pull try a pair on and they were skin tight on her legs. (And way too big around the waist.)

[plansrme]

Does she participate in a sport in which being muscular would be an advantage?  I find it  helps to focus on what awesome things one's  body does rather than what it looks like.  I have ridiculously muscular girls as well (clothes shopping--I feel your pain), but they are both very involved in a sport and are proud of the arms, shoulders and thighs they've earned.  They are not your typical teenager build, but they are fine with their bodies. (If I had their bodies, I would just walk around naked all the time.  Which is why God will never let me look like that.)

.

As everyone else has suggested, we mostly skipped juniors for a while.  They can wear some juniors things now, but we go in to comfy boutiques and prepare to try on half of the store.

 

 

[FriedClams]

I'll write more later, but my kids and I found this article shocking and excellent. http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5923274

 

We talked a lot about society and it's view of women, the absolute insanity of the sizes, and modesty. We should all strive to be healthy, but this may help get to see that it's not her!!! :-)

[Rebel Yell]

For many years I have taught my girls that the size tag merely helps you figure out whether to get a higher or lower number of the same item if the one you're trying on doesn't fit. At one point, the jeans in Diamond's closet were: girls 12, 12+, 14, 14 slim, & 16, ladies 2, & 4, Juniors 00, 0, 1, 3, 5, 7, and she tried on a pair of *9*s that were too tight! :confused1:

 

Justice has girls sizes up to 20. Plus sizes will be wider but not longer, so she could wear a "smaller" size but it will give her more room and still be kid-styled like her friends wear. http://www.shopjustice.com/detail/sizechart

 

Pay whatever you have to to get a good bra- well-fitting. You can't hide 'em, but you want something that isn't push-up or 'bouncey'. A thin/cheap sport bra over it (think hanes from Walmart) can blend in/cover the straps a little and look like a cami.

 

If there is room in the budget and it's important to her, try to get the one "name brand" thing that "all" of her friends have or want- it might be UGG boots, or Sperry loafers, or a Vera Bradley wristlet. Something that is more of an accessory that she can wear/carry almost everyday- let that be her "feature" rather than her shirt or jeans, KWIM?

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[Ottakee]

If you have one near you, my daughter find that clothes from Cato fit her curves well and aren't too old looking.  They had hoodies and other younger looking stuff as well.

 

Another option might be a thrift store where you could try on many different brands/styles, etc all at once and find what works.  You might have to go through several different sizes as they are not standardized but you might come out with several cute things.

[SpecialClassical]

Thank you for the Cato and Justice suggestions. We do have a Cato and I think the mall has Justice. 😀