Blue Hen Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 DS moved into his dorm on Thursday at OSU and participated in the *Move-In Crew* on Saturday. That's when his roommate moved in and they only briefly met. Saturday night / Sunday morning when DS returned to his room at 1:10 am he found his roommate passed out on the floor, room trashed and vomit everywhere. RA was called, DS slept at a rifle team members apartment and returned to the dorm t meet with the RA, Floor Leader and roommate mid-afternoon Sunday. Roommate apologized, said it would never happen again and he cleaned the room with 409. I'm not at all pleased with the action taken --- roommate is not receiving counseling or a sanction or anything other than a slap on the wrist. No, OSU will not move the kid. No, my DS cannot move because the transfer list is very long and he doesn't want to move from this dorm since this is where his rifle teammates live and since he arrived early and worked the move-in crew he has already made a boat-load of friends (his words). In this process of looking for OSU's policy I came across a site that might be helpful to other parents looking at colleges. A grading of schools alcohol and drug policy: http://ssdp.org/school-policies/ They gave OSU a C. The other schools DS considered are not even listed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwen in VA Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 Ouch. So what is the college doing -- nothing? How incredibly frustrating. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Hen Posted August 25, 2014 Author Share Posted August 25, 2014 Yep. OSU is doing nothing. No alcohol counseling. No sanction against the kid. Nothing. OSU does not have anything in their policy about what happens to the offender when they break the rules---and this kid broke about a dozen rules in their policy. DS reported that last night while he was out on the floor socializing with the other kids the roommate was in the room playing video games. He's having fun and hoping that the kid just keeps playing video games. I've suggested to DS that he tell his roommate that if he goes out and gets drunk again to crash where he is drinking and to not come back to the room. That DS should call 911 next time and hit 'MOM' on the cell phone telling her that her son is being taken to the hospital for possible alcohol poisoning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Hen Posted August 25, 2014 Author Share Posted August 25, 2014 "In this process of looking for OSU's policy I came across a site that might be helpful to other parents looking at colleges. A grading of schools alcohol and drug policy: http://ssdp.org/school-policies/ " I'm a little bit leery of their "grading scale". They reduce grades for zero tolerance policies and for referring infractions to local law enforcement. Those are positives to me. Me too but at least the site gives you links to the school policy so that you can make a decision about the school's policy, or lack of one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hoggirl Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 Where do you find the criteria for the grades given on the chart? BYU has a "D" and College of the Ozarks has an "F"??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 Yuck! I do hope the new roommate sobers up and grows up. If not, it's highly possible he won't be returning after he gets his grades, but in the meantime... yuck! Best wishes to your son... glad he has oodles of friends around. He might truly need them. Your idea of having him tell roomie to crash where he was drinking is a good one IMO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 I'm a little bit leery of their "grading scale". They reduce grades for zero tolerance policies and for referring infractions to local law enforcement. Those are positives to me. I'd like to comment on this. The top priority of an alcohol policy should be to keep students safe. We heard from colleges that they do not follow a zero tolerance policy because it will cause students NOT to seek help for an intoxicated room mate or friends for fear of getting them (or themselves) into trouble. In situations where getting medical help for a student with alcohol poisoning may be life saving for this person, a zero tolerance policy may cost lives. To the OP: I am sorry your DS had to deal with this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwen in VA Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 In situations where getting medical help for a student with alcohol poisoning may be life saving for this person, a zero tolerance policy may cost lives. Really good point. Both the college that dd is a freshman at and the college my older two attended had alcohol amnesty programs so that concerned students or friends could call campus police / security for help with an alcohol-related situation without fearing legal repercussions. I think that policy is so smart! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idnib Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 When I was in college I had a woman throw up on me on the shuttle bus the first night because she was so drunk. She lived in my dorm and didn't drink again the rest of the time. I'm not defending the roommate, but I do think some kids go a bit wild with the freedom the first weekend and then settle down, really. It doesn't mean they need alcohol counseling. They may not be used to the freedom or they may be anxious about fitting in. He took responsibility and cleaned the room. If it doesn't happen again, I would show some grace and let it go. Now if it happens again... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reefgazer Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 Blue Hen, meet Elizabeth (from the other roommate from hell thread). Bummer of a first Saturday evening. I think as a first offense, the college dealt with it appropriately. Your DS isn't the first college freshman to have to deal with a drunken roommate and he'll probably see lots of these by the time 4 years is up. It's time to move on and not look back, and from now on your DS should deal with it on his own (since I presume he is a legal adult, or close to it, now). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 Blue Hen, meet Elizabeth (from the other roommate from hell thread). Bummer of a first Saturday evening. I think as a first offense, the college dealt with it appropriately. Your DS isn't the first college freshman to have to deal with a drunken roommate and he'll probably see lots of these by the time 4 years is up. It's time to move on and not look back, and from now on your DS should deal with it on his own (since I presume he is a legal adult, or close to it, now). I'm a cynic frankly, but that's how most state schools would have handled it. Supposedly they're getting more serious about this sort of thing, but I hear a lot of stories still. When I was the head R.A. at a small state school 30 years ago, we would done nothing unless the roommate hadn't cleaned it up. At that school at that time, underage drinking was largely ignored unless a keg was brought in. Kegs were not allowed, individual containers were ignored. Frankly Friday and Saturday night were horrible there. I'm sure that there are exceptions, especially if you choose a "substance free" dorm, although I had ongoing problems in the "substance free" dorm too. One night we had a doozy. He did $2000 of damage to another dorm, tried to take a swing at me, and then ran off and found his R.A. and beat him up while the campus police and I were trying to find him. That character ended up in jail that night, and was sent home a few days later. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 Unless the roommate tells him, I doubt your ds would have any idea if he is being sanctioned in some way. I would try not to let this color my perception of the roommate or the school too much. A young person can misjudge their alcohol intake and still be a good person, kwim? What I would do is document it for myself. Your son should write it up with names, dates, and a description of what he knows occurred. Same for any other incidents if they happen (and for those I would likely email it to the RA, etc). Documentation is your friend, but there's also a good chance it will never be needed. I myself would probably not make a point of telling him to not come back to the room if he gets drunk again. The roommate has cleaned up, apologized, and said that it will never happen again. In the interest of fairness and a non-awkward rooming situation, I would take him at his word until he breaks it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hillfarm Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 Um..., I know I am a somewhat paranoid person, but in addition to the other issues mentioned here, am I the only one concerned about the casting about of bodily fluids from someone your ds doesn't really know? A lot of very nasty viruses and other illnesses (some of them life threatening) can be contained in bodily fluids, such as vomit. If it were me, I would probably have my kid go back over everything with a good antibacterial, antiviral spray also. Even a good wipe down with a mild bleach solution or isopropyl alcohol can help kill these germs. Perhaps the campus health center would be able to provide him with a good disinfectant. I know, I know, not a guy thing. But to me, it's a mom thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raptor_dad Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 I've suggested to DS that he tell his roommate that if he goes out and gets drunk again to crash where he is drinking and to not come back to the room. That DS should call 911 next time and hit 'MOM' on the cell phone telling her that her son is being taken to the hospital for possible alcohol poisoning. I feel your outrage, but you should be aware the 911 operator is *very* unlikely to dispatch. Unless you lie about the situation, a felony offense, they will merely suggest calling campus police and campus health. At a loosely Baptist LAC back in the early 90s, they would have handled this similarly. After a couple more offenses they would bring the hammer down and also switch around housing. Unfortunately this is typical of the first couple college weekends. Luckily this was something clearly illegal like drinking and not more of an social issue like the room mate having sex w/ a female or another male[1]... Either ways RAs can deal with it, but the escalation path is clearer in illegal situations. I'd just give the situation some time to work itself out. If this is a regular, repeated problem I would expect action and would be surprised if the school isn't receptive. The RAs facilitating an apology and the room mate thoroughly cleaning the room seems like a reasonable start... [1] I'm not trying to be provocative. These are all a very small subset of real problems college friends of mine had and needless to say gay rights issues were somewhat different in '91. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Upennmama Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 I know I'm jaded and cynical, but this seems totally normal. I would never expect a college to do anything about underage drinking. I went to an Ivy League college less than 10 years ago, and I never once saw anyone get in trouble for stuff like this, but it was CONSTANT. Drinking, drugs, partying, public you-know-what, etc. It was totally commonplace, and totally ignored. I can't imagine anyone even going to an RA about something like that- good for your son for being so mature. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raptor_dad Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 I know I'm jaded and cynical, but this seems totally normal. I would never expect a college to do anything about underage drinking. I went to an Ivy League college less than 10 years ago, and I never once saw anyone get in trouble for stuff like this, but it was CONSTANT. Drinking, drugs, partying, public you-know-what, etc. It was totally commonplace, and totally ignored. I can't imagine anyone even going to an RA about something like that- good for your son for being so mature. I've certainly never seen them do anything about underage drinking... However, at highly selective schools I have seen them swap around roommates after 3-4 weeks so there are fewer complaints. It is rare... probably 1-2% or roommates. Mathematically it is always possible to do pairwise switches. Whether these are in the same dorm is a statistical problem... A bad roommate may be solvable; An antipathy to a drinking culture is harder to resolve. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 I know many students/former students who have spent a semester or two mopping up after their roommates. Some of our foreign students are completely shocked by college behaviors. Dd found her own swap since she was told changes wouldn't be made early in the semester. The administration agreed once the students agreed to the changes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunshine State Sue Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 I tell people I quit drinking when I turned 19 because I spent one too many nights worshiping the porcelain god. I hope the roommate learns quickly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 Me too but at least the site gives you links to the school policy so that you can make a decision about the school's policy, or lack of one. I don't know that the existence of any policy, or the lack of one, can tell you much about what the actual ground truth is. Polcies can be ignored, or lead to odd unintended consequences. In "Paying for the Party", Indiana University was cited as having a very strict no tolerance policy towards drinking in the dorms. However, there was a waiting line outside the dorm parking lot every night with cars queued up to pick up the girls to take them to off campus frat parties, where there was binge drinking. Everyone knew what was going on, and the kids came back to the dorms smashed, but they weren't drinking in the dorms, and there were never any consequences for their actions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 Gross, but appropriately dealt with imo. These are young adults responsible for their actions, not children needing to be scolded for poor choices. If this was a repeat issue there would be cause to be angry, but it at this point was just a 1 time issue. RA was informed, roommate cleaned it up and apologized, extend some grace and encourage your son to do so as well lest he make an idiot mistake in the next 4 years and faces the over reaction of his roommate and roommate's mom. I always get taken aback when I read that college kids are underage drinking. Out here the drinking age is 18, so when your kid is an adult heading off to college they can drink, vote, etc all as adults. I have to say young adults suddenly having freedom can tend to go more than a little bit overboard. I remember when I rented my first apartment, my roommate and I used to be regulars at several bars for ladies night (as in got the limo package for each one each week, free drinks etc). One night though she got way too drunk and ended up with alcohol poisoning, I had to call a friend to help me get her to the hospital where they flushed her system with IV fluids etc. It was an extremely longtime before she drank again and never as drunk as she was. I only got drunk a handful of times and those times were enough to teach me I hate the feeling, I hate the bedspins I hate the hangover. Some just go overboard at first and then mellow out. I wouldn't worry about sanctions, moving out, 911, calling the mom etc unless this was a recurrent ongoing problem, not for a 1 off during the first weekend of true freedom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phathui5 Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 My little brother had a college roommate who smoked weed pretty frequently, probably in the dorm. I think he was stuck with him for about half the year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 Yep. OSU is doing nothing. No alcohol counseling. No sanction against the kid. Nothing. OSU does not have anything in their policy about what happens to the offender when they break the rules---and this kid broke about a dozen rules in their policy. DS reported that last night while he was out on the floor socializing with the other kids the roommate was in the room playing video games. He's having fun and hoping that the kid just keeps playing video games. I've suggested to DS that he tell his roommate that if he goes out and gets drunk again to crash where he is drinking and to not come back to the room. That DS should call 911 next time and hit 'MOM' on the cell phone telling her that her son is being taken to the hospital for possible alcohol poisoning. I called my dd, the medic, and she said absolutely call 911. He'll get taken to the hospital for potential alcohol poisoning and if this is a case of underage drinking, he'll be referred to police.This is a serious health issue and it is not his job as a roommate to decide if his roomy is or is not in need of medical assistance. The roomy will either get tired of waking up with IV"s in his arms and police waiting to take a statement, or flunk out of school, maybe both. Either way, he is not to put up with this passed out person in the room and it is up to the school to provide all of the cleaning and disinfecting for this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swimmermom3 Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 :grouphug: Blue Hen, I am sorry this was your son's first experience with his roommate. It sounds like your guy handled the situation really well. Since I was the party girl my freshman year, I certainly get that there is underage drinking in the dorms and that you don't necessarily want to prematurely end someone's college career over a bad choice; however, there is a big difference between a drunk roommate and a drunk, vomiting, and passed out roommate. Colleges don't like ambulances to show up at their dorms and they may get a bit shirty with the student that made the call, but I am with FaithManor's dd on this one, call 911. Asphyxiating on vomit is no joke. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlsdMama Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 Not helpful but I'll tell you right now that site is off.... U of Iowa got an A. They are considered the number one party school. Three sexual assaults in the dorms in the last two weeks.... they are not dealing with their alcohol issues in campus. It doesn't help you out, but I think that site isn't accurate. I hope this works out to a positive resolution. I'd be furious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 Sounds like typical college to me. (I'm an OSU alumnus.) It doesn't really surprise me, and I don't think the university did the wrong thing. I might or might not have called 911. Alcohol poisoning is no joke, but the vomiting probably helped him. ITA that the freedom goes to some kids' heads. It sounds like the roommate is sorry about it all. I say carry on. And be grateful your son doesn't have the same outlook. Maybe he'll be a good influence. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idnib Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 BH, how's it going with the roommate since this incident? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest2 Posted September 14, 2014 Share Posted September 14, 2014 Is the rating rubric giving schools known for partying the most an A ? Sorry for the rough start Blue Hen, I hope the other weekends have been better! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FloridaLisa Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 Well, somehow I missed this thread the first time around. This is actually fairly mild compared to some of the roommate stories I've heard and one experience oldest ds had. I know that doesn't help much when it's your son dealing with it. Also, I love the note in your siggy about ds1. Congratulations! Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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