s/o different faiths--when YOU'RE the one who's changed

[Aura]

How do you help your spouse and family deal with the "new you?"

 

(Okay...this turned out quite a bit longer than I intended! Sorry!!!)

 

In the other thread (the one started by Hoppy), there are several comments that the dh was the same person that he was before. Well, in my case, I'm not! THANK GOODNESS!!!! I am so much more happy, free, and content than I EVER was before. I don't struggle with depression so much. (It's more of a side-issue. I can deal with the occasional times it creeps up, as it opposed to it consuming my life.) It's really ironic, because my previous faith taught that the only way to truly be content and joyful is through Jesus. But my joy comes through all aspects of the Divine, including the God and Goddess, not the Jesus that I grew up believing in. I don't think Jesus was ever that person.

 

I was a devout, conservative Baptist, and now I consider myself more eclectic Wiccan. I don't really identify with the label of Christian anymore, because while I actually do believe what Jesus taught in the four gospels, I interpret it vastly differently than I did before, and my personal theory is that most who call themselves Christians (as in, followers of Christ) are actually followers of Paul, and I'm not convinced that he accurately represented what Jesus taught (or maybe, his writings have simply been manipulated by others).  Anyway, I have no problem believing in Jesus and also believing in the God and Goddess and magick. And I find great comfort and peace through the rituals associated with Wicca and in practicing the Craft.

 

My dh is really struggling to deal with this. He feels betrayed and resents the fact that I went on my spiritual journey without him. He feels that I should have talked to him about my questions and doubts. I disagree. I wanted that between me and God only.

 

Anyway, we're trying to figure out how to make this work. Dh doesn't like going to church without me, but I only go to Sunday morning worship service, unless one of the kids have a program or special. I am trying not to be bitter about some of the things I was taught, and it helps to have some distance. I also am slightly offended at some of the views held at church...though I try to accept that they have as much right to believe what they want as I do.

 

Right now, I'm basically a closet witch. Even though dh sort of knows, for his benefit, I try not to flaunt what I do and believe. And I try to keep a Christian point of view when discussing things with the kids. When religious things come up, I usually refer them to what Jesus himself said. However, I cannot continue to hide what I really believe from my children. I won't do that. I don't want to worry about explaining my angel candles or my books or any of my other stuff. If they see a pentacle on my desk, it doesn't mean I'm a devil worshiper and (more surprisingly) it doesn't have anything to do with Supernatural.

 

BUT here's some of the problems I'm facing:

• When I do tell my kids that I'm a practicing witch, this means I'm fully out of the broom closet, and this is going to affect my entire family. I can't expect my younger ones to not mention something to the rest of my family. My parents are going to be devastated. My brother and sil will be, too---and they'll likely restrict visits so that my kids, who are close to their kids, will suffer.  :(
• Dh would like to find a church that would work for both of us---but neither of us are sure that's even possible. I want to try out the UU church (I love their website!) or maybe a local Methodist church that I know is very open...but dh is strongly against the UU church and I don't think he'd like the other one either simply because of how accepting they are. I'm just not sure if it's even possible to find middle ground on this!
• In the meantime, what do I do about church? I feel like a hypocrite because everyone assumes that I agree with what they believe, and I don't! If/when I ask to have my name removed, again, this is going to affect my whole family. I'm considering just having my membership moved to the UU church. But if it comes out that I'm a witch, then I will probably face church discipline. Even if it doesn't go that far, I'm afraid my kids might be (1) ostracized because of me, (2) pitied because of me, and/or (3) told that I'm going to burn in hell because of what I believe.  :mad:
• How do I help dh? He is angry and bitter--and I get that I'm the one who changed, so his feelings of betrayal are not entirely unjustified. While I no longer agree with his faith, I do not want him to reject it because of me, either. I want him to accept that I believe differently and that it's okay---but I'm not sure that's compatible with his beliefs. (FTR--if he had been the one to change, and my beliefs had remained the same, I would have taken the kids and left him. :( So, I understand the gravity of what I've done.)

Dh isn't being mean or snotty or anything! So please don't think that. If you're familiar with the term, he's what you would consider a Mr. Steady. He's also Virgo, and though he's often blunt, he's not harsh or inconsiderate.

 

I know this is a lot to dump on you all.  :blush: This has been something I've been thinking through for a while, and wanting to ask about. I know there are others that are in similar situations and others who have traveled similar roads, so I would appreciate any words of wisdom or voices of experience.

[ktgrok]

First, as to a "middle ground" my only thought would be Episcopal. They would be fine having you there. And would be unlikely to say anything antagonistic. But might be traditional enough for your husband? also, I think you would appreciate the amount of ritual in it. I spend some time exploring paganism once upon a time, and although it wasn't for me in the long term it made me realize how very much people need ritual. I am now Catholic and that fits that need of mine. Honestly, on a fundamental level. 

 

Hugs. 

 

As for changing, I didn't really, but did some. I was Catholic when I met my husband. But not practicing regularly, and so given that he was Episcopal, and I had originally been raised Episcopal, it just seemed easier to get married in that church, attend that church, etc, out of respect for him. I thought it was better for both of us to go together no matter where, than for me to go to the Catholic church alone. But eventually that wasn't working. He didn't really want to go to any church, and I really wanted to be back in the Catholic Church. So neither of us was happy. Now, I go to the Catholic Church, he stays home and does yard work or cleans the house. Sometimes I leave the toddler with him. It works. It isn't perfect, but it works. 

 

I do very much wish he would attend Mass, but he doesn't. He would if I begged him. I know he would. He would if I asked and said it was important. But...I can't do that to him. He will attend holidays though. 

[AimeeM]

I have no clue what advice to give you, but I want to tell you that I admire how much you are trying to consider his feelings about this.

[ocelotmom]

First, as to a "middle ground" my only thought would be Episcopal. They would be fine having you there. And would be unlikely to say anything antagonistic. But might be traditional enough for your husband? also, I think you would appreciate the amount of ritual in it. I spend some time exploring paganism once upon a time, and although it wasn't for me in the long term it made me realize how very much people need ritual. I am now Catholic and that fits that need of mine. Honestly, on a fundamental level.  

 

This was my thought, too. I know someone who identified as a Pagan Christian and attended an Episcopal church.

 

My understanding is that they vary pretty widely by congregation, with some being almost UU and others being much more conservative.

 

United Church of Christ is another possibility, but would probably be too inclusive/liberal for your DH.

[Hoot]

I too read the other thread and really scratched my head at the thought of giving up a belief in god and yet not changing. Fundamentally speaking, I am a totally and completely different person than I was when I met dh and when I wholeheartedly considered myself a Christian.

 

I am in the same place as you, minus the wicca, so I really have no words of wisdom - just love and sympathy for the tough spot you're in. It's a hard road to travel.

[Wheres Toto]

I've been struggling for the past few years about what I believe and where I fit in.  We hadn't attended church for a while but last year Dh wanted to start attending again now that the kids were getting older.  We joined a local United Methodist church (which is what I grew up in and what we attended sometimes when we first married).  The very first sermon was about how there's more than one right path and we need to find what works for us as individuals.  We just two weeks ago became official members of the congregation and during the meeting before hand, it was presented the same way. The group was given some UMC materials and the pastor talked about how not every agrees with everything that is the official stance, and that's fine.  Pick what works for you.  I don't think dh would agree to a UU church but I don't feel like the UMC (or at least our congregation) pushes for agreement that I can't give.

 

I would not be able to attend a more stringent church, which in my case would include Catholic.  My oldest was raised Catholic (including two years of Catholic school and First Communion preparation) so I spent time attending mass but I found it very exclusive.  If you were not Catholic, your participation was limited.

[jenn-]

I don't know how old your children are, but would explaining it as "Mom is just on a different spiritual journey then Dad" work for now?  This might give you the chance to check out some other church settings alone while they still attend church with your DH.  Maybe you will stumble upon one that you think he would also appreciate and then you could ask him to join you.  I wouldn't hold your breathe for him to ever fully understand your new beliefs.

 

Our story isn't all that dramatic.  I was raised and confirmed in the Catholic Church although looking back I never bought into what they were selling.  Confirmation was just the way to make Sunday School stop.  The month I turned 16, I got a job and volunteered for every Sunday morning shift as to avoid the forced church day.  My parents were in the "you're under our roof, you're going to church" category.  After that I only attended Christmas and Easter.  That stopped in college unless I happened to be home and I attended maybe 1 mass on campus in 4 years (and I was at a Jesuit school by choice).  I moved home after graduation and tried really hard to put up with their father on high holidays, but eventually he showed himself to be an obnoxious hypocrite and I haven't been back since. I've been a declared atheist for going on 5ish or so years, although I am only out to my closest friends and I am sure my mom suspects.  She has stopped asking me when I am coming back to church.

 

DH was raised Methodist, I think.  I have no idea how much he attended church growing up, but he still identifies himself as a Christian.  That said, he has only ever attended the masses I went to with my parents back in the early days of our relationship.  He was confused about how my atheism would effect our children when I first came out to him and he suddenly felt the need that they had to attend church.  I researched some of the local churches for him and told him to enjoy taking the kids on Sundays.  Guess who never felt  strongly enough to actually take them?

 

My kids are allowed to go to church with grandparents when they stay with them.  DH does not discuss his religion with them and neither do I.  DD is the only one that knows that I am not a believer. 

[lynn]

I don't know how to pull quotes but you said "your own spiritual journey" and that's just it.  Everyone is on their own spiritual journey seeking out their own paths and truths and there is nothing wrong with that.  Others from a stricter faith may not agree and that's okay.  DH and I went through something in the church and stopped going and we both have had to work out our own journeys.  It has not divided us at all.  He's been there to hear me out when I was hurting through the issues we had and I was there for him but I finally understood that I do have to go my own spiritual journey and if I decide to go to church it's for me and something I am seeking.  Sometimes he comes with dd and I and sometimes not and that's okay we all have to seek out our own paths.

[TracyP]

I am the one who had a change of faith in my marriage. My dh was understandably shocked but completely supportive. He isn't very religious anyway, so it didn't affect *him*. He just couldn't believe that I could change so much. [deleted details of how much I nagged him to find some religion :blushing: ] Suffice it to say, I really pulled a 180 on him.

 

We are continuing to attend our Lutheran church. The people are wonderful and incredibly laid back (i.e. not legalistic). Even though my beliefs have changed I still love the rituals and traditions. I love the sense of community I get there. I do feel like a fraud though, so this is hard. We plan on moving in the next 18 months and I do not know if we will find a new church. We are still trying to work this out. 

 

I have decided to be honest when my kids ask questions, but not offer any more than simple facts. I feel like this is the only choice. Completely "coming out" is too... dangerous (for lack of a better word). However, I refuse to lie to my kids. Plus my beliefs are complicated. It doesn't seem right to say mommy is this or isn't that. I can only take each issue and tell them my thoughts on it.

[Scarlett]

I don't want to be unkind, but as I read your post I thought, there would be nothing you could do to make it 'ok' for me.  :(

[Ravin]

In your shoes, I would be wanting to get my kids out of that church and de-program them. I'd want to unchurch the family, or at least myself.

[elegantlion]

:grouphug:  :grouphug: I know how difficult this must be. Ds and I are doing some spiritual journeying. In our case, this is not something we discuss with exdh or certain other family members. I feel very comfortable where I am spiritually and ds and I talk openly. 

 

 

[melmichigan]

:grouphug: 

 

I'm sad that for so many people faith, or the lack thereof, is a deal breaker in their marriages and relationships.

[HRAAB]

I changed.  I found peace and with that joy and contentment.  I am a happier, easier to get along with person.  Of course I think people change when they make such a major move, but that change can be positive.

 

I never came right out and told my kids that I no longer believe.  I would never do anything to undermine what they're being taught.  My adult dds know.  As my girls get older, if they ask, I will discuss with them.  My middle dd and I have some great conversations.  She is very active in her parish and quite spiritual.  My younger two haven't asked.  I don't have to worry about family, but I have had to worry about my children's friends.  That is another place where I haven't wanted to rock the boat so I keep quiet.  I don't believe my children should suffer in their friendships because of me, yet I know it could happen.

 

My dh will always be Catholic.  Finding another church isn't even anything we ever entertained.  I didn't leave because of Catholicism; I just do not believe the Christian story.  If I ever went to any church it would be the Catholic Church.  I still attend church with my family more often than not.  It's just easier.  I don't partake of the Sacraments.  It's a huge church so I just sort of blend in.  Sometimes I'll go off by myself instead.  I'm not sure if this will change as my children get older, but for right now it keeps the family steady.  I don't want to disrupt my family; I'm the one that fell away so I make an effort.

 

My dh was never angry with me.  I mentioned in the other thread that he has absolute respect for following your own conscience, and that made a huge difference in how he accepted my lack of faith.  I'm sure he wishes I still there, but he's able to give me the room I need.  That's another reason I'm very careful about causing waves in our family.  He's has been there for me, and I love and respect him for that.

 

People might not understand this, but our marriage has actually improved since I was honest and owned up to my lack of faith.  Living falsely put so much pressure on me, and try as I might, it came out in the ways I dealt with the family.  I was often depressed and basically not a happy person to be around.  So while it's not like it used to be, I'm in a much better place, and that is good for the entire family and our marriage.

 

It is a hard place to be.  It helps if you have someone you can talk with.  That's one thing I really needed and didn't have.  I ended up finding some online communities and that helped.  Best wishes on your journey. 

[Aura]

Thanks for all the replies. I will try to reply in general, instead of quoting posts. It might be easier that way.

 

As far as rituals go, I may have phrased that incorrectly. I can really relate to the way the cycles of the moon, seasons, etc. are viewed in Wicca and many pagan beliefs. It's not so much specific rituals. 

 

My dh doesn't need traditional. I don't think that's what is important to him. It's the actual beliefs which would be a deal breaker. And that's the core of the problem. I will look into Episcopal and United Church of Christ, so thanks for those recommendations.

 

As far as the kids: my kids are a wide range of ages. The younger ones, I'm not worried about. I will answer questions as they arise and we'll just deal with things as they come up. The older ones, especially the teens, need more than that, though. They already know that my beliefs have changed and that I don't agree with some key issues that our church believes, and that's why I don't go anymore except on Sunday mornings.

 

Part of me does want to "de-program" the kids! But I can't just do that without regarding my dh's views as well. And the teens in particular have many friends at church and are very involved with the youth group and other programs. I don't think it would be respectful of them as young adults for me to just suddenly pull them out of all that. 

 

I do have two sisters and a brother who have followed very similar paths as I am on, so it is wonderful that I can talk to them, and they totally understand! It's interesting that out of all my siblings, really only one has stayed in the faith that our parents brought us up in. But my siblings' experiences are not quite the same since their differing worldviews didn't impact their spouse and kids like mine (they changed faiths at a much earlier time in their lives)...and I want to be careful how and what I share with them because I don't want to skew their view of my dh. Dh really is a wonderful man!

[Mom-ninja.]

I don't want to be unkind, but as I read your post I thought, there would be nothing you could do to make it 'ok' for me.   :(

There was no need to post this. If it would not be ok for you then fine, but then you have nothing relevant to share to the OP in which case just click elsewhere.

[Mom-ninja.]

Aura, I hope with time everything works out. Being honest is all you can do.

[Aura]

Thanks for the support, Mom-ninja. I was not offended at all by Scarlett's comment. I get where she's coming from. I truly do. And she may be right. There may be nothing that I can do that can make this easier or better for my dh.

[melmichigan]

There may be nothing that I can do that can make this easier or better for my dh.

I don't think there is, other than being honest with him.  I lost my faith.  Again  :grouphug: .

[speedmom4]

What I find interesting is that the common thread for finding peace seems to be finding your own truth and living it. Two years ago I left my evangelical/fundamentalist church and returned to Catholicism. In my neck of the woods that was no easy task. There were and still are judgements from friends and family alike. But for me I could no longer stay in a place that I couldn't agree with. I couldn't walk another Sunday in and smile and act like I enjoyed the worship service and the preaching. When I finally had the courage to do what was right for me I experienced a peace that I wasn't expecting. Even though it caused issues (initially) in my marriage and with my children I had to do what was right for me. I've really come to believe, through my own experience, that everyone has to follow where their heart is leading. My daughters (who stayed Protestant) have even said that I'm a happier person now that I'm Catholic. When I was trying to be what I thought others wanted me to be I was miserable. 

 

OP, I hope you and your dh find some common ground and can build upon that. Maybe he just needs educating about where you're heading. Many Protestant churches equate Wicca with devil worship and infanticide. (((Hugs)))

 

Elise in NC

[Scarlett]

Thanks for the support, Mom-ninja. I was not offended at all by Scarlett's comment. I get where she's coming from. I truly do. And she may be right. There may be nothing that I can do that can make this easier or better for my dh.

Thank you for understanding my intent. I wasn't trying to inflame. I honestly thought you might want to know how it would affect me if I were in your dhs shoes.

[Rosie_0801]

How do you help your spouse and family deal with the "new you?"

 

 

 

My dh is really struggling to deal with this. He feels betrayed and resents the fact that I went on my spiritual journey without him. He feels that I should have talked to him about my questions and doubts. I disagree. I wanted that between me and God only.

 

 

 

In my opinion, your dh is right. I'm not saying you are wrong to feel the way you feel, but he's still right. You should have talked to him. That's what married people do and he has every right in the world to accompany you in at least some aspect of this journey. You might consider apologising for blocking him out and ask what sort of thoughts of yours he wants to know about. You might buy the Higgenbotham's book and use their study questions to get going, if that'll help.

 

It's not hypocritical to go to church. It is a friendly thing to do if it makes your spouse happy. Sure, people will think you are Christian still, but your private thoughts aren't their business anyway. With the kids, "Mom is not Christian any more" might suffice. They don't have to go blabbing to all and sundry all about your private business. Try calling yourself Wiccan instead of a witch if that might sound slightly less like devil worshipping. :p

 

I really would like to know what people think witchcraft is about. I feel all "I do not think that word means what you think it means" about that. :lol:

 

Best of luck.

[Ipsey]

I agree with Rosie.

There's nothing wrong with going to church with the family. 

Also, I wouldn't use the word "witch." You know it's going to cause upset, fear, and hurt, then why give that label?

Be a witch all you want, but not using that term is not being a hypocrite either. Just tell them, "Mama doesn't believe the things she used to believe, but nothing else has changed. I love you and your Daddy very much." It's true, isn't it? :)  Then, that's all of the truth you need to tell, AFAIC.  I think that's how best to keep things calm and help your family.

 

 

[Aura]

What I find interesting is that the common thread for finding peace seems to be finding your own truth and living it. Two years ago I left my evangelical/fundamentalist church and returned to Catholicism. In my neck of the woods that was no easy task. There were and still are judgements from friends and family alike. But for me I could no longer stay in a place that I couldn't agree with. I couldn't walk another Sunday in and smile and act like I enjoyed the worship service and the preaching. When I finally had the courage to do what was right for me I experienced a peace that I wasn't expecting. Even though it caused issues (initially) in my marriage and with my children I had to do what was right for me. I've really come to believe, through my own experience, that everyone has to follow where their heart is leading. My daughters (who stayed Protestant) have even said that I'm a happier person now that I'm Catholic. When I was trying to be what I thought others wanted me to be I was miserable.

 

I understand that! I'm not exactly to that point. I vacillate between "this isn't THAT bad" and "I hate this." 

 

OP, I hope you and your dh find some common ground and can build upon that. Maybe he just needs educating about where you're heading. Many Protestant churches equate Wicca with devil worship and infanticide. (((Hugs)))

 

Elise in NC

 

I think that's where my parents & one brother/sil are at. It was where I was at 5+ years ago.  :blush5: It wasn't until I started questioning things that I learned differently. I can't believe how close-minded I was!!! And I'm glad more people are starting to learn better than that. But down here in the Bible Belt, I think these kinds of old views still have a strong hold over some groups. *sigh*

[Aura]

<snip--will reply to this separately>

It's not hypocritical to go to church. It is a friendly thing to do if it makes your spouse happy. Sure, people will think you are Christian still, but your private thoughts aren't their business anyway. With the kids, "Mom is not Christian any more" might suffice. They don't have to go blabbing to all and sundry all about your private business. Try calling yourself Wiccan instead of a witch if that might sound slightly less like devil worshipping. :p

 

I really would like to know what people think witchcraft is about. I feel all "I do not think that word means what you think it means" about that. :lol:

 

Best of luck.

 

 

I agree with Rosie.

There's nothing wrong with going to church with the family. 

Also, I wouldn't use the word "witch." You know it's going to cause upset, fear, and hurt, then why give that label?

Be a witch all you want, but not using that term is not being a hypocrite either. Just tell them, "Mama doesn't believe the things she used to believe, but nothing else has changed. I love you and your Daddy very much." It's true, isn't it? :)  Then, that's all of the truth you need to tell, AFAIC.  I think that's how best to keep things calm and help your family.

 

Thanks for the advice. I doubt I would actually use that term w/ my kids or even husband, but they consider one to be other, so it wouldn't make that much of a difference. But still, you're right, Wicca sounds "nicer." :glare:  :rolleyes:  I used the word witch specifically in this thread because (1) if you're coming from a conservative fundamentalist view, that conveys the level of heresy I've committed, and (2) for those that do understand, there is a difference between Wiccan and witch.

 

Rosie, I agree, there are a lot of people that I'm like that about, too! This isn't what you think! Even the thought of trying to explain things to certain people is like this:

 

[Aura]

In my opinion, your dh is right. I'm not saying you are wrong to feel the way you feel, but he's still right. You should have talked to him. That's what married people do and he has every right in the world to accompany you in at least some aspect of this journey. You might consider apologising for blocking him out and ask what sort of thoughts of yours he wants to know about. You might buy the Higgenbotham's book and use their study questions to get going, if that'll help.

 

It's not hypocritical to go to church. It is a friendly thing to do if it makes your spouse happy. Sure, people will think you are Christian still, but your private thoughts aren't their business anyway. With the kids, "Mom is not Christian any more" might suffice. They don't have to go blabbing to all and sundry all about your private business. Try calling yourself Wiccan instead of a witch if that might sound slightly less like devil worshipping. :p

 

I really would like to know what people think witchcraft is about. I feel all "I do not think that word means what you think it means" about that. :lol:

 

Best of luck.

 

I understand where he's coming from, and you. But I don't agree. First, when I started down this path, it was to make me stronger in my current faith, not pull me away from it. I wasn't angry or even disillusioned with my previous faith. I just wanted some clarification, and I have a tendency to be easily swayed, so I wanted to make sure I was listening only to God. If God chose to speak through my dh, then great. But I didn't want to be the reason dh said anything. I thought my little question would be answered quickly and I would move on. I never, NEVER expected this! My entire paradigm shifted.

 

After that, I spent maybe a couple of weeks just adjusting to that. Then, I did talk to dh. At that time, I did not consider myself Wiccan/witch or pagan. This was over two years ago. It's been within the last six months that I'm finally fine-tuning my beliefs enough to even put them in a category. Before, I'd just say I was very eclectic in my beliefs.

 

And then, you'd have to understand that my dh is very analytical and doesn't like change. He will break apart everything to tell you why it doesn't work. This is great for his work, not so great for getting people to confide in you. I cannot go to him for help unless I am able to take his telling me why everything is wrong. If I want to try something new, to bring him one board, I must first be able to answer every argument that he brings up and even then, I have to give him time to accept change. It's just how he works. I accept this.

 

(Of course, his resistance to change makes what I've done even harder.)

 

I accept how dh works and thinks, but it does limit our conversations. We have had many conversations about his analyzing and negativity, but while I think he understands what I'm saying on an intellectual level, he also says that's just how he thinks. Okay. Again, I can accept that. I have learned to deal with it, but he also has to deal with the consequences of it. (BTW, I learned this years ago, way before my spiritual shift.)

 

So while I understand how and why dh feels betrayed, I cannot see how I could have realistically done things any differently.

[Aura]

Rosie_0801, I meant to ask this earlier...what book is this?

In my opinion, your dh is right. I'm not saying you are wrong to feel the way you feel, but he's still right. You should have talked to him. That's what married people do and he has every right in the world to accompany you in at least some aspect of this journey. You might consider apologising for blocking him out and ask what sort of thoughts of yours he wants to know about. You might buy the Higgenbotham's book and use their study questions to get going, if that'll help.

It's not hypocritical to go to church. It is a friendly thing to do if it makes your spouse happy. Sure, people will think you are Christian still, but your private thoughts aren't their business anyway. With the kids, "Mom is not Christian any more" might suffice. They don't have to go blabbing to all and sundry all about your private business. Try calling yourself Wiccan instead of a witch if that might sound slightly less like devil worshipping. :p

I really would like to know what people think witchcraft is about. I feel all "I do not think that word means what you think it means" about that. :lol:

Best of luck.

 

[elfgivas]

sometimes it helps me to de-polarize an issue when trying to find a way forward.  

 

so if you do decide to speak with your kids about it, it may help to bring them in part way thru your journey, rather than where it led you.

 

eg.  i believe questioning is a big part of faith.  God means for us to ask questions and make our faith our own rather than just believing what the church or our parents tell us to believe.  so last year i started this study/soul searching/questioning, and it has really opened my eyes and my heart.  i can't believe how close minded i had become.  i am going to keep questioning and learning, and i want you to know that its okay for you to do that, too.  actually, its pretty important for you to do that.  we are each on our own spiritual journey, and we need to go where God leads.  

 

and then a few weeks later you might talk about looking for a new church that is more open to questioning.  

 

and then you might actually change churches.  are you in the usa?  many united church of christ congregations have both the openness and are routed in scripture, (although interpreted differently than in the baptist traditions), and that might make it an easier switch than to unitarian universalists.   in australia, the uniting church of australia, and in canada the united church of canada are that way, too. 

 

but it might be an amazing experience to visit different denominations and faiths as part of the learning about religions.  (when i teach confirmation classes, i take everyone to at least two different denominations of the christian faith, and to worship with people of at least two different faiths.  i really don't think people should commit themselves to something without having seen variations on the theme). 

 

hth,

ann

 

ps.  for one of my baptist friends, she came to a whole different understanding of God and church and scripture when she did a bible study at a theological college and learned how the bible came to be.  she didn't go as far as becoming wiccan, but found a way to remain in the baptist church for a few years.  (her husband was a baptist minister).  she sounded very much like your first post part way thru her journey.