Ask a mom of many

[icollectkids]

What about special needs?  My middle child has processing issues that have not only required a chunk of change for therapy and testing, but also various accommodations/extra help with school work/things that would be difficult to accomplish in a family of many children.  I look at large families and how well they function and can't help but wonder, do they just not have a kid like mine?  What would they do if they did?  And then I wonder if they do and they just manage it way better than me . . . so what do special needs look like in your large family?

 

I have one with Apraxia, set processing and impulse control issues. I also have someone in my life that works in the field that is a long time family friend (over 20 yrs) and has helped me learn to work with him. It's tough and I'd rather pay someone to 'do the not so fun' stuff, but, isn't this what homeschooling is all about?

[icollectkids]

uhm, what curriculums/methods  do you use? :blush5:  I had to ask!

 

a mish mash of stuff that works for ME. lol  (ie: no major prep needed)

[icollectkids]

Mine think we need 12 'so we can be like the family in Cheaper by the Dozen' LOL

 

I don't do that kind of chaos....

[Soror]

Out of all the questions, these are my very favorite!!!

 

It is very hard to give each individual time and attrition. However, and I find this very interesting, I am a hustle and bustle gal. When I had three I did not appreciate their uniqueness. I believed children should be totally shaped, molded into what you, the parent, has as an ideal. I still believe children should be shaped, but out of the material that is there, recognizing the beauty and uniqueness that exists much like an artist working with various mediums. :) I honestly believe that if I had stopped at three I would not be the mother I am now... I think I would have ran right over my children and not really KNOWN them to the degree I do now. What's a better way to explain it? I want interested so much in knowing who Good created them to be so much as I was interested in having them in X, doing Y, and running to A, B, and C. Having so many made me realize that these two parents have ask these VERY different children do Good must have made them unique?! And for a purpose?! I am very tall oriented. Having do many forced me to slow down, sit back, and appreciate them as individuals. I am desperately glad I had so many. I needed it to soften my edges honestly.

 

 

So, for me personally, I'd say I am more emotionally aware of them as individuals than I wold have been with just a couple because of my personal flaws... I.e., a tendency to hurry, to overpower gentle personalities, generalize. I really needed all of these kids to help me see them as people rather than just "my" kids.

 

 

I "only" have 4 but I think having more than the typical number has affected me likewise, not that it wouldn't happen with just 1 or 2  or that it effects everyone similarly but having more certainly helped me. I do think I'm a better mom as well and I love seeing their personalities, all so unique, I love seeing their relationships. I do love having them in the house and if I could skip pregnancy and babyhood I'd love to have more right now.

[icollectkids]

I have a question.  For those who have many (define that however you want) what were most of your pregnancies like?  I only have 2 and both pregnancies were quite hard on me.  I can't imagine doing that again.  I can't imagine anyone having 9 difficult pregnancies, but maybe my tolerance is lower.

 

I don't think that's a rude question, but in case it is...sorry.  LOL

 

My pregnancies are super easy. Morning sickness is usually pretty mild. Mild enough to somewhat function mostly....

 

I'm 21 wks pg right now and I feel great. :) Ask me again come August/September... lol

[TexasMomma]

My pregnancies are super easy. Morning sickness is usually pretty mild. Mild enough to somewhat function mostly....

 

I'm 21 wks pg right now and I feel great. :) Ask me again come August/September... lol

I'll just have you be my surrogate, ok? lol J/K... Instead I'll just request a few visits from you during my next one :) lol

[icollectkids]

I'll just have you be my surrogate, ok? lol J/K... Instead I'll just request a few visits from you during my next one :) lol

 

I'll share the baby snuggles! Esp when they are screaming their tiny little cute heads off.... ;)

[TexasMomma]

Do you have someone that will watch all your kids so you can go on a date night? Do you take all the kids along to appointments?

[icollectkids]

Do you have someone that will watch all your kids so you can go on a date night? Do you take all the kids along to appointments?

 

Yes and no!

 

My inlaws are half a mile across the street and watch the kids when we need it. They sometimes even say 'Hey, y'all wanna go out this weekend?? We'll watch the kids!' Yesterday they actually offered to have them all for a weekend in June so we can do something for our anniversary. :D I *heart* my inlaws!!

 

dh works from home. I leave all 'unnecessary' kids at home when I have an appointment somewhere.

[saraha]

I was the one that requested the "moms of many" thread. :-) I think of "many" as 6 or more. I guess it's because you have to start driving a different kind of vehicle. Ha ha! 

 

Here are my preliminary questions, but I have about 2,000 more...

 

Did you originally want a large family, or did it just evolve over time?   For us it evolved over time.  Number 4 was a surprise, then after that it was easy!

 

If you originally wanted a big family, why?

 

What kind of car do you drive?  We drive a Chevy Astro van that seats 8

 

Does everyone ever go out to eat together?  Yes, but always fast food or Frisch's with their holiday coupons.  Mostly we eat Taco Bell when we need to eat out since they have $2 meals that everyone likes and all 8 of us can eat for like $20

 

How in the world do you get everyone to the doctor and dentist for check ups in a year?   For the dentist and eye doctor, we schedule a block of time in advance and we all go at the same time.  We only go to the regular doctor when someone needs to.

 

[Excelsior! Academy]

How do your children feel about being one of many? I know lots of large families and for some of them the children love being in a large family (and the older ones are even starting their own large families), but I also know several whose kids resent it. They feel like they have missed out on many opportunities in life because their "mom and dad won't stop having more babies." That's a quote...not my words.

 

They resent that there is never any money for extras, they can't take music lessons or play sports, or go to the movies with their friends, etc., because the family is tapped out trying to feed 11 children. My son's best friend carries loads of resentment against his parents right now because he wants to do all the things his friends are doing but his parents tell him he can't because they are a large family and they just don't have the money. He loves his siblings! But he is sad and I feel for him. Tonight especially because there is a group of them going to see Spider-Man and he can't go and my son feels bad for him.

 

How do you deal with those feelings?

 

My situation is very different from most large families.  Ours was a family decision.  We my nieces and nephews first came to live with us it was mainly dh and my choice, but it was temporary.  When we got them a this time (much more permanent) it was a family decision.  We talked to each child individually and counseled with some close friends before getting the children.  When our final bio child was born everyone was thrilled.  They beg almost daily for us to have another.  They know what it is like to have fewer children.  They remember going from fewer to many and they *all* still *want* more.  We are not sure whether we will have more or not. 

 

 

 

I have a question.  For those who have many (define that however you want) what were most of your pregnancies like?  I only have 2 and both pregnancies were quite hard on me.  I can't imagine doing that again.  I can't imagine anyone having 9 difficult pregnancies, but maybe my tolerance is lower.

 

I don't think that's a rude question, but in case it is...sorry.  LOL

I have only had 5 babies to term.  My first 4 pregnancies were hard.  I threw up a dozen times a day and had to be put on medication just to eat and keep it down.  My last pregnancy at 35 was literally a breeze.  Other than normal pg things like peeing a billion times a night it was great with *no* morning sickness.   Who da' thunk it.

 

 

Do you have someone that will watch all your kids so you can go on a date night? Do you take all the kids along to appointments?

When they were younger we had no one to watch them.  No. one.  There aren't many people you can call up and say, "Can you watch 4 or 9 children."  We actually had a couple that was planning on watching our then 8 dc so we could get time away.  When they found out that I was preg with #9 they renigged becaused "Obviously, we were finding ways to spend time together."  Now that we have older children we can get take out and Netflix for the kids and slip away for a few hours. 

 

Appointments were really hard when they were younger.  Yes, we took them all.

 

[Soror]

Yeah this is what I assumed.  My first was so hard I am surprised I had 2.  I was put on bed rest for weeks.  I felt sick the entire time.  I had contractions for months.  Then they put me on medication to help with that and it made me feel awful.  I had heartburn and acid reflux from HELL. 

 

With my second I didn't feel as bad overall (still had the reflux from HELL), but I broke my tail bone during the delivery and I had dire back and hip pain that wasn't resolved with physical therapy until about a year later.  I couldn't hold my son much because I was just in so much darn pain.  Slings and carriers?  Forget it.  I couldn't have possibly used something like that.  So I felt rather robbed.

I've been on different boards with a fair amount of large families and their pregnancies are generally like everyone else's, some are easy and some are hard, some really hard. For those that have a conviction about such things (size of family, use of birth control, etc) the difficulty of pregnancy is not really a factor into the decision, unless it is life threatening in some way. 

[tori@thehomefront]

I haven't made it through all posts yet, and I'm not technically "qualified" to post ( having only 5), but I have to say thank you to all MOM who posted. You made my day! Nice to hear from others that make me *not* feel like a weirdo. ;)

[Hypatia.]

I only have 5, but I'll go ahead an answer since mine may be a little different than some others.

 

Neither DH or I are from large families.  DH does have 3 siblings, but the youngest two are from his dad's 2nd marriage and they aren't very close since he was much older.  I have one brother.  We were only planning on 2 (hahahahaha), but surprises happen even when preventing.  Yes, we do believe in birth control and use it, I think it's a wonderful thing (even though I'm having difficulties finding the one that works for me).

 

When they see us out in town, I get a lot of assumptions that we are a religious, conservative family since we have several kids, DH was in the military, and we homeschool.  Nope, I'm a bleeding heart tree-hugging liberal atheist, we just enjoy sex.  I get a lot of "Don't you know what causes that? wink wink", and depending on my mood I'll give them an extremely frank answer that will hopefully stop them from asking that again.  By far the oddest comment I've gotten was a lady that, after cooing over then-newborn DS3, said that I had been consorting with fairies.   :huh:  We just backed slowly away from the crazy.

 

I do have what some would call a picky eater.  She has sensory processing issues, no amount of "not acknowledging" them will make them go away.  We work with them (if we're having shepherd's pie, for example, then we'll leave her meat, veggies, and potatoes separate and there's always plenty of carrots, apples, or other healthy things) and the other kids don't mind.  Just because I do it for DD1 doesn't mean that all of them expect their food that way.

 

Do you have someone that will watch all your kids so you can go on a date night? Do you take all the kids along to appointments?

 

With appointments, they usually all come along.  We all have the same PCM at the local military hospital and he's used to seeing all the kids along.  For dentist appointments I schedule them all at once.  We have an awesome pediatric dentist and last time I just took all 5 kids in, I go in the small room with the younger two and the older 3 were out in the open bay area.   I saw the same homebirth midwife for my last 4 births and all the kids were always there at each appointment.  (I don't do internal exams, so that was never an issue.)  The would sit and read or play on the iPad, and she would show the older ones how to take my blood pressure or let them listen to the heartbeat on the fetoscope.

 

One of my close friends also has 5 kids.  We'll watch each others kids for special occasions, appointments, emergencies, and we can each pick up the others' family if needed (after a car accident before).  We do go out to eat all together, though I usually go out with my girlfriend and her 3 kids.  So we'll roll into the local Red Robin or whatever with the 2 of us and 10 kids (or more if another friend is along), no big deal.

[busymama7]

I've been on different boards with a fair amount of large families and their pregnancies are generally like everyone else's, some are easy and some are hard, some really hard. For those that have a conviction about such things (size of family, use of birth control, etc) the difficulty of pregnancy is not really a factor into the decision, unless it is life threatening in some way.

Yes this. There is a post up thread about my pregnancies so I won't repeat. But no, the difficulty of my pregnancies is really not a factor.

[momto10blessings]

How do your children feel about being one of many? I know lots of large families and for some of them the children love being in a large family (and the older ones are even starting their own large families), but I also know several whose kids resent it. They feel like they have missed out on many opportunities in life because their "mom and dad won't stop having more babies." That's a quote...not my words.

 

They resent that there is never any money for extras, they can't take music lessons or play sports, or go to the movies with their friends, etc., because the family is tapped out trying to feed 11 children. My son's best friend carries loads of resentment against his parents right now because he wants to do all the things his friends are doing but his parents tell him he can't because they are a large family and they just don't have the money. He loves his siblings! But he is sad and I feel for him. Tonight especially because there is a group of them going to see Spider-Man and he can't go and my son feels bad for him.

 

How do you deal with those feelings?

I'd just like to bring up that some families with only 1-2 kids may not be able to afford activities, lessons, movie tickets, etc. it's not necessarily a large family thing.

 

My kids have never really brought it up. Sure, they may not be able to do every single activity that they would like or go to every event or summer camp... I think it's good for kids to not have it ALL. I do look into cheap or low cost events, camps, activities, etc.

 

Honestly, it I'd think that maybe your son's friend has outside influences feeding those thoughts to him. I just really can't imagine my older kids thinking or saying something like that.

 

My older boys earn money by going to work with dad or doing various jobs for friends and family members. If there is something they want to do that I can't or don't want to pay for, they are welcome to pay for it themselves. Quite often it turns out that they decide it's not worth spending money on, so they miss out.

[Heather in Neverland]

I'd just like to bring up that some families with only 1-2 kids may not be able to afford activities, lessons, movie tickets, etc. it's not necessarily a large family thing.

 

My kids have never really brought it up. Sure, they may not be able to do every single activity that they would like or go to every event or summer camp... I think it's good for kids to not have it ALL. I do look into cheap or low cost events, camps, activities, etc.

 

Honestly, it I'd think that maybe your son's friend has outside influences feeding those thoughts to him. I just really can't imagine my older kids thinking or saying something like that.

 

My older boys earn money by going to work with dad or doing various jobs for friends and family members. If there is something they want to do that I can't or don't want to pay for, they are welcome to pay for it themselves. Quite often it turns out that they decide it's not worth spending money on, so they miss out.

As I think about it, I think one major difference is lifestyle. My son's friend (and all his siblings) go to school. They are not homeschooled. So he has a lot more opportunities to "compare" what his peers are doing to what he is able to do. When all your friends at school are doing something and you want to be a part of it, those feelings may surface.

 

Perhaps larger families that homeschool find their friendships and community more within their family and there is less "comparing" of lives?

 

Right or wrong it is how he feels and he is hurting. Maybe it is just teen angst that he will outgrow?

[saraha]

As I think about it, I think one major difference is lifestyle. My son's friend (and all his siblings) go to school. They are not homeschooled. So he has a lot more opportunities to "compare" what his peers are doing to what he is able to do. When all your friends at school are doing something and you want to be a part of it, those feelings may surface.

 

Perhaps larger families that homeschool find their friendships and community more within their family and there is less "comparing" of lives?

 

Right or wrong it is how he feels and he is hurting. Maybe it is just teen angst that he will outgrow?

 

I think you are right about comparing with other school kids.  I have a couple of kids who I know would suddenly feel so put upon for not having what everyone else has, if they were around it.  Fortunately for us, there are very few kids in their lives that have a lot of "things" and they don't envy those kids for other reasons.  Even I feel a little jealous after visiting my sister, who has no kids, because she has an immaculate house, has spare money to go places etc.  So I definitely think the amount of exposure plays a role.

 

[eternalsummer]

We were poorish when I was young.  There were activities I couldn't do, and times I couldn't spend the same amount of $ as other kids in my school.  I never resented my parents for not choosing more financially lucrative professions.

 

(My parents only had 2 kids, btw.)

 

He's a teenager.

 

 

 

[mommaduck]

8 children here :)

[eternalsummer]

Regarding having more mouths to feed in case of financial insecurity/disaster, or the higher chance of having a kid that has a disability of some sort and needs extra care, or not being able to spend as much time on that kid because of having many other kids - 

 

Having larger families spreads out the pain and difficulty and sacrifice from these things.  In the way that some countries have nationalized/socialized support structures (like guaranteed health care, financial assistance, housing, etc.), a large family (esp. a large extended family, for whose formation large immediate families are necessary) socializes, to an extent, the amount each person would be required to sacrifice in an event like that - but it also makes it less likely for people to have to go without support, or fall through the cracks.

 

Stable families, esp. large ones, are the least invasive form of societal regulation in this way.

[BlsdMama]

What about special needs?  My middle child has processing issues that have not only required a chunk of change for therapy and testing, but also various accommodations/extra help with school work/things that would be difficult to accomplish in a family of many children.  I look at large families and how well they function and can't help but wonder, do they just not have a kid like mine?  What would they do if they did?  And then I wonder if they do and they just manage it way better than me . . . so what do special needs look like in your large family?

 

Dyslexia is hereditary.  If a parent has it, he/she will pass it down to 50% of their children.  My DH is dyslexic. :) 

 

What does it look like in our family?  Well, rather than running to a tutor for three kids 2-3 times a week, my oldest and I learned to tutor.  We took a few workshops and we're using Barton.  (Level 3, Level 4, Level 4) and it appears (simply from looking at speech patterns) we have two up and coming.  We'll see.

 

Having Ana (oldest) tutor has been amazing.  She is planning on getting certified and using tutoring to help pay for college expenses.  She's had all day long classes for the past three weeks and I've had to tutor all three students and let me tell you what, I can't wait for her to come back! ;) 

 

One of our children has severe working memory issues.  We also know he has some kind of sensory thing going on and so we are waiting to close on the house, unpack, and start working with him and a therapist.  We're on a steep learning curve.

 

Accomodations take a lot.  We revamp plans.  My plans for my very bright, very academic freshman was to hand over the curriculum and let him go at his quick pace.  Then I found out we had to "remediate" for dyslexia.  He isn't allowed to READ (at all) until the end of Level 4.  No kidding.  Do you know how hard this has been?  Rebuy audio versions of science, history, lit.....  No grammar, no writing, no anything, except Barton.  We found this out just before a cross country move to....... To NO house, lol.  We've lived with family (and our stuff in storage except basics) for FIVE months now.  (Acreages are hard to find in a bad Iowa winter.)  We hope to close next week.  I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to normalcy  AND he's in Level 4 now.

[Carrie12345]

Re: Special Needs

 

We went through ASD evals while I had an infant and was pregnant, then they (and therapies) continued while I had a toddler and newborn.  It was so hard to manage with just those 3 kids.  It never got harder with 4 or 5, though.  I don't imagine it would be any harder with twice that many, mostly b/c I figure the age span would be wide enough to make it even easier than those 2 babies and a preschooler juggling days! :svengo:

[Entropymama]

I have a question.  For those who have many (define that however you want) what were most of your pregnancies like?  I only have 2 and both pregnancies were quite hard on me.  I can't imagine doing that again.  I can't imagine anyone having 9 difficult pregnancies, but maybe my tolerance is lower.

 

I don't think that's a rude question, but in case it is...sorry.  LOL

 

I hate being pregnant. I've been on medication for nausea and for heartburn. I have trouble gaining weight because I'm sick all the time. I have scoliosis and by the end the back pain is just awful. I LOVE labor and delivery, not because I love pain but because it means the pregnancy is over! Every single time I say I will never do it again. For us it isn't conviction to have lots of kids or anything like that. It's just that once you're pregnant, well... 

 

Someone asked how our kids feel about having lots of siblings.. they're the ones who keep asking us to have more! 

 

As for going on dates, we have no family close by and babysitters are expensive. We don't get out as much as we'd like. We do have one very sweet older woman who watches them for free on occasion. Now that they're getting older it's a little easier. My 12 yo can babysit for an hour, or we'll farm out the older three to sleepovers and get a babysitter for the little two - then it's not as expensive. I foresee this getting even easier in the next few  years as the big kids get old enough to watch the little kids. I do intend to pay my kids for babysitting, but it's different when it's going back into the family. That just means a pair of shoes I don't have to buy! 

[Maplecat]

I have a question about large family dynamics. Where did you experience the tipping point where more kids was not necessarily more work. I've often heard that once you have three, additional kids just slip right in. My husband and I joke that we are already well broken-in.

[icollectkids]

I have a question about large family dynamics. Where did you experience the tipping point where more kids was not necessarily more work. I've often heard that once you have three, additional kids just slip right in. My husband and I joke that we are already well broken-in.

 

I think it's probably a different # for each family. For me, after I had 4....'what's one more?' Granted, my #4 was NOT a walk in the park. It was my hardest pg and she was not a happy, easy going baby. After we survived her babayhood I felt like we could survive anything.

 

Thankfully #5 was by far my easiest baby ever!

[shage]

As I think about it, I think one major difference is lifestyle. My son's friend (and all his siblings) go to school. They are not homeschooled. So he has a lot more opportunities to "compare" what his peers are doing to what he is able to do. When all your friends at school are doing something and you want to be a part of it, those feelings may surface.

 

Perhaps larger families that homeschool find their friendships and community more within their family and there is less "comparing" of lives?

 

Right or wrong it is how he feels and he is hurting. Maybe it is just teen angst that he will outgrow?

 

Our kids are homeschooled but we deal a little bit with financial disparity.  Because we fixed up and sold several homes for profit early in our marriage, we now live in nice house in a high cost of living area yet on a moderate income.  For years we only had one car.  There is no way getting around the fact that most of our neighbors have much smaller families than we do plus have incomes significantly higher.

 

How we deal with it: 

 

(1) Encourage contentment.  Probably one of the one most useful life skills and better learned sooner than later.

 

(2) Hospitality.  We have a very open home and encourage kids to hang out here.  If we can't afford to send kids to a theater, I would host a movie night as an alternative.  We host many homeschool activities because it is more efficient for me not to have to transport.

 

(3) Encourage independence.  We teach them how to use public transportation from a young age.  And once they hit 12 or so, they figure out ways to make their own money.  Work is part of their education.

 

(4) Creativity.  We can't afford expensive vacations yet we have camped in many of the national parks.  We can't travel overseas, but we can host exchange students.  Can't travel the world--bring the world to you.  It's not that complicated.

 

Much of this is in how you frame it.  Any family has some drawback to it, but there are always positives too. 

[AngelBee]

I am a mama of 9 :)

[Tmhearn]

I have a question about large family dynamics. Where did you experience the tipping point where more kids was not necessarily more work. I've often heard that once you have three, additional kids just slip right in. My husband and I joke that we are already well broken-in.

Yes, I'd love to hear opinions on this as well. My theory is that it also depends on how the spacing is between kids. I only have 4 kids. My oldest was 8 when the youngest was born. So, we have not seen a lot of help out of older ones yet. I'm guessing you have to have 5 or 6 before that starts happening...

[fairfarmhand]

I have a question about large family dynamics. Where did you experience the tipping point where more kids was not necessarily more work. I've often heard that once you have three, additional kids just slip right in. My husband and I joke that we are already well broken-in.

I only have four.

 

People who have said that to me, have 3 or fewer children. They don't know what they are talking about.

 

I think it depends on spacing and the challenges of YOUR particular kids.

 

My oldest is 10 year older than her brother. She's been helpful over time babysitting and stuff, but she also has a very challenging personality.

 

The years when I was dealing with toddler tantrums and teen tantrums were awful.

 

So I don't think there's a magical number.

[momto10blessings]

I have a question about large family dynamics. Where did you experience the tipping point where more kids was not necessarily more work. I've often heard that once you have three, additional kids just slip right in. My husband and I joke that we are already well broken-in.

I think that 4 kids and under was easy. 5 kids was a little hectic. 6 and up is nuts. I have 9. In my opinion it doesn't get easier. Sure, I have more help with older kids and there's more people to pitch in with cleaning the house, etc. But, each kid is another one to spend time with, nourish his/her interests, educate, worry about his/her health and well being, keep track of activities and friends and on and on and on. Not to mention more things (books, toys, socks, coats, clothes,etc) to keep track of and take care of, I've just never understood the thought that "once you have x number of kids, you may as well have 20"...

[mommaduck]

I've seen a few questions here, but haven't gone through the entire thread yet.

 

I don't do pregnancy well, but I do do delivery well. You'd think one hyperemesis pregnancy would have slowed me down, but I've had three HG pregnancies and the last one turned my entire immune system against me. Yes, we are finally done. Eleven pregnancies and eight living children, I realized that I can't keep being pregnant, sick, nursing, etc, the rest of my life...it'd either kill me or put undue burden on my family. I needed to be MOM again and be here for my husband's and kids.

 

Special Needs: we haven't really had that issue in the same way other's have had. We have one child that has had certain issues with her immune system and we've dealt with that as it's come. She's actually a very active and happy child. She just hits these speed bumps and has to make changes to her diet and learn what she can and can't do. She always finds a way to keep going and keep active. Another child is ADHD and we deal with that.

 

Date Nights: Okay, we didn't really have any when the older kids were young. If we went out (once or twice a year), we would go as a family to a nice restaurant. It was good for the kids and good for all of us. We made use of free zoo's, free science centers, free museums (we were blessed at the time to live where those existed), and we did a lot of picnics at parks and the lake. I did get to the point where I would have DH watch the kids and let me go to the bookstore/cafe for a couple of hours by myself and let me recharge. As the older kids grew, I could finally go to the store up the street by myself and as teenagers we now have babysitters so that DH and I can go out once in awhile to eat or talk (even if it's an hour at the local Subway...it doesn't have to be expensive, it just has to be time together).

 

Activities: Our family is a fan of walking...a lot. We love to take walks. We live three to five miles outside of town and my husband and teenagers will walk all the way into town and back. When we lived in a city, we let our older children go with a friend's set of children and the group would walk to the county park that was just outside the city...and back. We find things to do. In one place, it was free museums and parks. In another, it was scholarships for tennis camp, religious camp, and Greek School. Here, it's the boonies and spending time with family and neighbours. It's not always easy when you are new to a place, but you learn to find things that work for you and your family. Our family loves card games. We've also had a blast with read alouds. When the power has gone out due to a storm (this past winter, it went out for almost a week...the entire state was in a state of emergency) we had a blast huddling under blankets, knitting and crocheting, and having turns reading out loud. Honestly, it's no different than having two or three kids.

 

My nephew did move in with us this year. He only has one sibling. His biggest complaint was the noise level. It's rarely quiet here. There isn't a lot of privacy or places to go hide. If you want to be left alone, your best bet is to take a shower or go for a walk through the woods. This is life. My view is to learn to accept it and learn not to gripe at people for acting their ages (aka, little children will play and make noise). Eventually, we would like to get property and put on an extra house for the older children that are quickly coming of age, so they can be home, go to college locally, and still have some space. They love this idea.

 

The bears in the house are laundry and dishes. I hate both and they never end. It's constant.

 

Family dynamics: depends upon spacing and personalities.

[Guest]

How can I be a good and supportive friend to you without being a clueless wannabe?

 

I get that it's not cool to say "you certainly have your hands full" or to look too longingly at those beautiful stairstep look-alike siblings I always wanted and never got and to get comfortable leaving my kid with your husband and older kids a bit faster than I would otherwise so we can have "Mommy playdates", but it never even occurred to me how exciting it would be to you to make a U-Turn in my teeny tiny car or I would have offered to let you drive it instead of just offering to save you a few gallons of gas.

 

 

[mom2bee]

As one of many children I have to ask: Do you have a favorite child?

My parents deflect this question by saying: "I love all of my children" or some such squack, but I'm not asking "do you love one child more than the other(s)"

I'm asking if you have a child that is your favorite?

 

I have often heard adult parents say "Its impossible for a parent to have a favorite child" and I have known people who will profess that they or their sibling was the 'favorite'. Personally I have never, ever, not once believed the parents (on the 'impossible' part.). I have, since I was a child, thought that they were lying/avoiding the question.

Do you agree that "it is 'impossible' for a parent to have a favorite child"?

[momto10blessings]

As one of many children I have to ask: Do you have a favorite child?

My parents deflect this question by saying: "I love all of my children" or some such squack, but I'm not asking "do you love one child more than the other(s)"

I'm asking if you have a child that is your favorite?

 

I have often heard adult parents say "Its impossible for a parent to have a favorite child" and I have known people who will profess that they or their sibling was the 'favorite'. Personally I have never, ever, not once believed the parents (on the 'impossible' part.). I have, since I was a child, thought that they were lying/avoiding the question.

Do you agree that "it is 'impossible' for a parent to have a favorite child"?

I'm trying to think of who's my favorite and I seriously can't say that I like one child more than the others. Each kid is so different, I love different parts of each child the most. For example, one of my children is really good at fixing stuff, one is awesome with babies, one can make you laugh without even trying, one is so sweet and sensitive.... It may be easy to say who is the easiest to parent at this moment. My relationship with each child is so unique and different, I just can't see how one would chose a favorite.

[momto10blessings]

How can I be a good and supportive friend to you without being a clueless wannabe?

 

I get that it's not cool to say "you certainly have your hands full" or to look too longingly at those beautiful stairstep look-alike siblings I always wanted and never got and to get comfortable leaving my kid with your husband and older kids a bit faster than I would otherwise so we can have "Mommy playdates", but it never even occurred to me how exciting it would be to you to make a U-Turn in my teeny tiny car or I would have offered to let you drive it instead of just offering to save you a few gallons of gas.

Hugs. Sorry you weren't able to have your stair steppers. I have many friends who wanted big families but were never blessed with the opportunity. I've seen how tough it can be for them.

[BlsdMama]

Hugs. Sorry you weren't able to have your stair steppers. I have many friends who wanted big families but were never blessed with the opportunity. I've seen how tough it can be for them.

Yes.

[Gil]

As one of many children I have to ask: Do you have a favorite child?...

 

Do you agree that "it is 'impossible' for a parent to have a favorite child"?

 

I am a dad of two, not a mom of many. I do not have a favorite child.

 

For whether or not is is impossible, well no. It isn't. I know a mom of 5 who, out of her own mouth, said she does. She treats her favorite drastically different from the other four. Just, in the little day-to-day things. She isn't unkind to her other kids, just...favors the one. She and the favorite child just 'click' on a more emotional and intimate level than with any of her other kids. Getting along with her favorite is effortless, they fit each other.

 

I kind of understand what she means when she says the 'fit' each other better. Though I don't feel that same way about how my kids personally fit with me

 

My eldest son is so easy to parent. Buddy is the sort of kid who wants my approval and takes his role in the family as "secondary man of the family" aka "Big brother" seriously. He is kind and sensitive and smart. He is loving and gentle and protective of his brother. Buddy was the perfect 'first child' (ya'know--the one that makes you feel like the best parent in the world, ever! Its easy to think: "clearly I am doing everything right to have such a great kid." with Buddy as your first kid.) Buddy understands 'no' to mean the opposite of yes, he takes 'no' as a refusal of permission and respects that.

 

But, Buddy is also a mystery to me, the way his mind works and the way that he processes the world. He is empathetic and a thinker. He internalizes stuff and it is difficult for me to get into his mind and know whats up with him until he decides to tell me. I don't love him any more or less because of it, it is who he is.

 

Then there is Pal. My live-wire, wild child, put-up-yer-dukes, I-dare-ya, Pal is my "can go a million miles a minute but amazingly doesn't miss a beat" kid. He is funny and loud and lively. He adores, admires, respects and dotes on his big brother. He hangs on Buddies everyword most days... He lives with me because its all that he can afford. And because Buddy is here. lol.

But seriously, Pal doesn't long to please me, he doesn't fear my disapproval and yet...I get Pal. Its effortless and almost creepy. I understand him and often times when I ask him "Why in the world would you do that?" or  "What were you thinking Pal!" But the moment I ask, I know.

 

Whatever Pal thinks, he says and he ususally means it too! I don't have to worry or wonder about what he is thinking because he will tell me. The child was born without a social-graces filter and he's yet to develop tact. He is impulsive too--I really, really, really have to watch him. Yet, few things that he does 'surprise' me really. The kid is seriously a free spirit whose physical form may very well have been an after thought. My moms friends look at Pal and they say "Wow, Pal, you act just like your daddy when he was your age" So, there's that.

 

I don't love Pal more or less because of who he is and how he is. I honestly couldn't tally up all I like about my kids and pick a 'favorite'. I love them both very much, even though I like different things about them as individuals.