Aspasia Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 I've been babysitting three boys since September, one from one family and two from another. We only watch them one day a week, which is the only way I've lasted this long. The extra money for the relatively small effort has been really, really nice. The problem is that these boys are not very nice. They bring language and behaviors into our home that I don't care for. They're more physically aggressive than we tolerate in our own children (their moms both have two and three boys and tell me this is normal, but it's not normal for our family). They are also very relationally aggressive--lots of exclusionary stuff that my kids just don't understand. And they are super disrespectful to me when I try to address these things. Dh has been telling me for months that he doesn't care about the money and thinks I should stop the babysitting. (The days that we babysit are rough on our kids, and he has to listen to me offload all my stress at the end of it as well.) I have mentioned to the moms when someone has a particularly bad day or does something truly shocking, so it's not like they don't know. And last week one of them told me that her 4-year-old had been sent to the office at preschool for talking back to the teacher! The other mom told me her kid had shaken his fist in his preschool teacher's face, in anger. This was pretty validating for me, because I was worried that maybe I was just too uptight, but turns out these kids really do have some issues. They have great parents, though. It's not like these moms aren't trying to handle things. Anyway, I think I've had it. I'm just done with the way they treat my kids, my house, our things. I'm done with their defiant, disrespectful attitudes. How do I end this? Dh says I should just use my pregnancy as an excuse (due next month). But I wonder if I should be more straightforward about why this hasn't worked very well for us. And then, do I give some kind of a two-week notice or something? One of the moms uses this time to do homework for grad school. The other one uses it for yoga and errands and stuff like that (I'm not totally sure what). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 Give them two weeks notice and use the pregnancy as your excuse. I don't see any point in saying anything more than that, and I think it's best to end things on a pleasant note if possible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 yes, if you want to stay friends say that pregnancy and handling the boys is more than you can deal with. Yes, give a 2 week notice. Obviously, they already know they have issues. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 Give them a week or two of notice. Tell them the truth, or tell them that you're exhausted from pregnancy, or that you need a rest before the baby comes. All of those reasons are probably true or valid. Just end it. You'll be happier. Do they know each other? Maybe they can swap childcare with each other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cjzimmer1 Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 I would give them two weeks notice. I would say something like, with the baby coming, I'm finding it harder and harder to keep up with the boys and need some time to get things in order here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snickerdoodle Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 Give them a week or two of notice. <snip> tell them that you're exhausted from pregnancy, or that you need a rest before the baby comes. Yep. But I wonder if I should be more straightforward about why this hasn't worked very well for us. There isn't much hope that this method will end well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elisabet1 Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 Do use the pregnancy as an excuse. Congrats on the baby!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
readwithem Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 I don't think you need an excuse, unless they ask. Just give them the two weeks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aspasia Posted April 2, 2014 Author Share Posted April 2, 2014 You're right. I don't think I would ever have the guts to give my real explanation anyway (I'm kind of a weeny when it comes to stuff like that, and I really like these ladies). Pregnancy excuse it is. And it is kinda legit--I AM extra tired. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 You're right. I don't think I would ever have the guts to give my real explanation anyway (I'm kind of a weeny when it comes to stuff like that, and I really like these ladies). Pregnancy excuse it is. And it is kinda legit--I AM extra tired. I'd do the two-week notice and be done with it. However, based upon the bolded, if you were to ever choose to do babysitting again, I would definitely be more firm about the rules of behavior in your house and not tolerate behavior that you would not allow your children to do. Your house, your rules. Most kids can learn this. If you don't have parental support for enforcing the rules in your house, then you don't want these people as clients. You sound like such a sweet person and sometimes being too nice can lead to you allowing treatment that you don't deserve. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 A two week notice is more than generous considering they know you are about to deliver and they are not using it for work daycare. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 Give two weeks notice, and blame it on the pregnancy. It will be easier on you, and you said the parents already know the kids have issues and are working on it, so it's not like you need to give them a heads up. Also if in the future you find the boys have settled down and you are willing to babysit again (or just desperately need the money, or whatever) you won't have burned any bridges. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 Give them two weeks notice and use the pregnancy as your excuse. I don't see any point in saying anything more than that, and I think it's best to end things on a pleasant note if possible. This. The wonderful ladies of the forum gave me the same advice and followed through with giving me the push I needed to so, in a somewhat similar situation (although in my case is was more mom as the issue than the kids). Good luck. It isn't easy. I wouldn't engage in *why*, unless directly asked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CupOCoffee Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 Give the two weeks notice, yes. Blame it on the pregnancy, idk. If you say something like that it's more than you can handle right now, that you need to time to adjust for the new baby, or anything along that line they may look for a date in the future when you WILL be adjusted to the new baby. Don't give them any reason to hope that you just need a temporary break... Congrats on the new little one arriving. May is a glorious month to be born in ;) ~coffee~ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JuanitaL Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 You're right. I don't think I would ever have the guts to give my real explanation anyway (I'm kind of a weeny when it comes to stuff like that, and I really like these ladies). Pregnancy excuse it is. And it is kinda legit--I AM extra tired. Would they need to find alternative arrangements (at least for a while) immediately after you delivered anyway? If you're due in a month - that's only 4 weeks, what if you delivered a week early? In your situation, I would give them 2 weeks notice and then relish the (relative) peace with your own kids prior to a new addition. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 This. The wonderful ladies of the forum gave me the same advice and followed through with giving me the push I needed to so, in a somewhat similar situation (although in my case is was more mom as the issue than the kids). Good luck. It isn't easy. I wouldn't engage in *why*, unless directly asked. I remember that -- are you still in touch with the mom and her dd? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
readwithem Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 I wouldn't engage in *why*, unless directly asked. This. By engaging in the "why" you leave the door open for when they "why" (i.e. pregnancy) is no longer an issue. You don't owe them an explanation. Simply "it doesn't work for me/my family" if asked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 I remember that -- are you still in touch with the mom and her dd? Not at all. After I gave her the letter with my notice, she didn't speak to me at all. In fact, she stopped communicating even when she decided to keep the child home for the day, etc... until I finally texted her that if she didn't inform me she wasn't dropping the child off, I would assume we were ending our relationship immediately, lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 Not at all. After I gave her the letter with my notice, she didn't speak to me at all. In fact, she stopped communicating even when she decided to keep the child home for the day, etc... until I finally texted her that if she didn't inform me she wasn't dropping the child off, I would assume we were ending our relationship immediately, lol. I remembered she wasn't communicating after you gave her your notice, but I wondered if she'd ever gotten back in touch with you since then. She turned out to be such a phony -- burdening you with all of her personal problems and then ditching you as soon as you couldn't do anything for her anymore (or put up with her garbage!!!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
readwithem Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 Give the two weeks notice, yes. Blame it on the pregnancy, idk. If you say something like that it's more than you can handle right now, that you need to time to adjust for the new baby, or anything along that line they may look for a date in the future when you WILL be adjusted to the new baby. Don't give them any reason to hope that you just need a temporary break... Sorry I couldn't get multi quote to work - but I agree with this - especially the bolded. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SproutMamaK Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 I'd blame the pregnancy and mention afterwards that "since our family will need time to adjust after this baby is born, I at this point have not decided when (if ever) I will be able to provide childcare again. There is a good possibility that I may not offer servives again for quite some time, if at all, so it would be wise for you to search for more long-term childcare." That way you kind of shut the door on them asking to come back, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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