Julie in CA Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 Maybe some of you know that I bake professionally (maybe some of you don't). I do the desserts for a local restaurant, I decorate custom cakes, and occasionally I agree to do large wedding/anniversary cakes. I try to avoid doing wedding cakes because even though they always turn out beautifully in the end, I have an anxiety problem that makes it not a good thing for me to do them. Two weeks ago a friendly aquaintance (kwim about this?), called me and asked me to do a cake for 200 people for Aug. 16th. I told her I couldn't do it, but then was swayed to do it because time was short and the grocery store cake decorator was flaking out on them. Fast-forward to today. I did the cake--it was beautiful, and as I put the finishing touches on, the whole bottom tier caved. I mean CAVED. With a little help, I hoisted off the top 4 tiers, set them on another board, took the large bottom tier to the kitchen, and tried to repair the catastrophic damage. They can serve that cake from the kitchen. It will be fine, & once cut most people won't notice the damage. The 4 tiers left standing on the table still look really good, and most people will not notice that anything went wrong. Here's the catch....*I* noticed that the next tier up doesn't look completely stable to me. As long as that cake makes it through the reception without completely caving, everything can be salvaged. Please pray (if you're the type that does). I was feeling so *blessed* this morning. The reception site had beautiful music playing, it was peaceful, and I actually thought the cake was going beautifully, and was very stable. Why, oh why did I agree to do this cake after saying no?! I really REALLY am praying the cake stays intact for the reception, which is going on right about now. I'm sure someone will call me later if it doesn't make it....:crying: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hoggirl Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 :grouphug: I will pray that your cake holds together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryM Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 Oh, I can feel your anxiety over this! Praying. DO let us know what the outcome was. I bet it went well though and was just lovely and delicious! Mary Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieAir Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 Ugh. I've prayed for you and the cake both. I know exactly what you mean about the anxiety and this is why I haven't pursued decorating professionally. I've made a few wedding cakes and large anniversary cakes, but the anxiety really gets me. I feel anxious just reading your post! Please update us on how everything went when you get back. I have noticed that most people usually do not even see the flaws that are so glaringly obvious to the person who decorated the cake. It was really kind of you to take this on and help them out even when you felt you didn't have the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 I'd be sick too...I'd feel like a tightrope walker without a net! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 Prayers heading out for you and the cake. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wheezie Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 Ack! I'd be sick too. :( I'm praying! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 Holding you and your cake up in prayer. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brigitte Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 I am sure all will be fine. But, I do understand how you feel. When I did Mary Kay a lot of women did wedding make-up, but I refused. I did not want that responsibility. What if the make up looked awful on camera? I hope you get a positive report soon that will ease your mind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMindy Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 I'm praying!! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 Any news? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragons in the flower bed Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 I've never prayed for a cake before, but I will be mentally bolstering it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NevadaRabbit Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 I really REALLY am praying the cake stays intact for the reception, which is going on right about now. I'm sure someone will call me later if it doesn't make it....:crying: :grouphug: I'm praying for your cake and for your peace of mind, Julie! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in the Kootenays Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 Praying here!! Let us know how it turns out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie in CA Posted August 16, 2008 Author Share Posted August 16, 2008 I wasn't actually a guest at this wedding, so I won't know until afterwards if the cake made it through or not. I know quite a few people who were attending the wedding, so someone will let me know later on. Thanks to all of you for your kindness & prayers. Intellectually, I know that this isn't as big of a deal as it feels to me right now. No one died. It's just a cake. The bigger issue, I think, is my anxiety level. I have high blood pressure, and have been trying to keep stress at a manageable level. This is definitely not a "manageable level." I feel sick. That combined with the fact that I can't seem to stop weeping about this is making my kids nervous. What is wrong with me :ohmy: I've seriously got to get a grip. There are never times when I've made a mistake, only times when I should've tried harder to do the right thing (even when I've tried my best). That's probably not the healthiest attitude, huh? Thanks all, Julie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 Try to calm down. Even if the worst happens and the cake collapses they'll have fun talking about it on all their anniversaries. And if they don't, they're donkeys. Quit scaring the kids and don't make yourself sick. It's not worth it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sleepy Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 Oh, I hope the cake survived! I'm the kind of person who would be (literally) sick with worry, too. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie in CA Posted August 16, 2008 Author Share Posted August 16, 2008 My sil was at the wedding and called to tell me that the cake looked fine to her. The bride and groom were just cutting the cake, and so far, it was standing just fine. I'm a tiny bit better. What a lovely answered prayer. Still, at what point do you seek professional help for anxiety? (I might be there) Definitely the end of my wedding cake days, though. Thanks again, Julie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vida Winter Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 Praying here! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mysticamethyst Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 I am glad that everything is worked out in the end, but how about a picture of the cake? Wedding cakes make me so nervous, I have one in September and I am getting butterflies just thinking about it. Good for you for surviving another one.:grouphug::001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nicole M Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 Try to calm down. Even if the worst happens and the cake collapses they'll have fun talking about it on all their anniversaries. And if they don't, they're donkeys. Quit scaring the kids and don't make yourself sick. It's not worth it. Exactly. Even if the cake did cave, I'll bet my bottom dollar that it's not an omen that the marriage will collapse too, kwim? On the other hand, the whole wedding "business" has gotten totally out of hand. It's a production of the worst kind: major financial investment for a show that does not have any real rehearsal time. No Hollywood financier would invest in this kind of disaster-waiting-to-happen. My own hubby is a professional photographer and hates to do weddings for this very reason. So you do have a choice, just say no to weddings if they stress you out that much. That's much less costly than counseling, too! :D Glad it worked out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jugglin'5 Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 My sil was at the wedding and called to tell me that the cake looked fine to her. The bride and groom were just cutting the cake, and so far, it was standing just fine. I'm a tiny bit better. What a lovely answered prayer. Still, at what point do you seek professional help for anxiety? (I might be there) Definitely the end of my wedding cake days, though. Thanks again, Julie This situation would have made me anxious too, what with the unknown results, the interminable waiting, the somebody-somewhere-will-be-angry-with-me-and-there-is-nothing-I-can-do-about-it; so, I don't think you are in need of professional help. Gosh, I never really thought about what a high stress job baking could be!:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissel Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 Ugh, my chest was getting tight just reading your story :grouphug: I'm so relieved for you that everything went fine! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KAR120C Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 Glad it made it through! Still, at what point do you seek professional help for anxiety? (I might be there) Definitely the end of my wedding cake days, though. I think if you can recognize and avoid the specific situation that sends you into a tailspin then you probably don't need professional help... Unless avoiding the situation has you turning your whole life upside down. It sounds like this is a single type of avoidable situation and it might very well be enough to do just as you are doing and avoid it! :) Now if you were scared of your kitchen... or if any kind of baking made you nervous... or attending weddings... that would be so inconvenient as to make professional help necessary. But honestly I'd be a basket case if I'd made a wedding cake and had reason to believe it wasn't going to make it to the reception! That's perfectly healthy! (Not that I'm the measure of "perfectly healthy" mind you! LOL) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 I was a wedding photographer for a bunch of years. I've seen some doozies of emergencies. Praying for peace, *stability* and a stress free reception. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lwilliams1922 Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 so glad it turned out well :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kris Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 Whew!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KAR120C Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 The Kid (16) Takes Charge -- Art: The Annotated Mona Lisa and sculpting; Comparative Religons; Driver's Ed; English: Analytical Grammar' date=' Writing Strands 6, Teaching the Essay, Teaching the Research Paper; [b']Latin[/b]: Wheelock's; Math: Saxon Algebra 1; Science: Chemistry Concepts and Problems and Experiences in Chemistry; Taekowndo; History: Spielvogel, History of the World and reading list. I mis-read your sig as saying your DS was studying Comparative Religions in Driver's Ed... which somehow struck me as funny! ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kris Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 I mis-read your sig as saying your DS was studying Comparative Religions in Driver's Ed... which somehow struck me as funny! ;) LOL! Well -- this kid *will* try anything! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 My eldest sister's cake caved - but it still tasted delicious! I am so glad that your cake came through ok. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Governess Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 My dad has suffered from anxiety problems for all his life, and I have too when I was at my most hormonal (after dd1 was born and during high school). I think that it is time to seek help if your anxiety is impairing your quality of life - keeping you from doing things that you love and enjoy, keeping you from the life you want to be living. I'm so glad that your cake made it!! And I hope you can relax now. Feeling anxious is the pits, especially when it's about something you can't fix or control. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in Orlando Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 I was holding my breath reading this thread! I'm so glad the cake made it! Any chance you took pictures of it? I can't even make a pan of brownies come out level (not exaggerating) ... I cannot imagine tackling something like a wedding cake. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CLHCO Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 Still, at what point do you seek professional help for anxiety? (I might be there) Definitely the end of my wedding cake days, though. I don't know if it's time or not for professional help. You are the only one who can answer that. I do know that you are very wise to put your foot down and never do another wedding cake, at least until you're stronger in this area. Your best bet would be to make a mental note of your stress level in relation to certain responsibilities. It may be chemical and it could just be that you are not at a point in your life where you can handle the added stress of certain things. If it's the latter, being aware of what triggers it will go a long way in keeping you sane! I remember I developed a regular case of IBS when my girls were very young. I was sick so often. It was 100% stress related. At the time I was driving a bit too far for a part time job as a choir director for a Unitarian Church. I normally love directing music. In this case though, the music coordinator I worked with was an older lady from Russia who went to some important conservatory and looked her nose down on me a great deal. I was worried my conducting wasn't steady enough (which she said it wasn't but I still swear she couldn't keep tempo), or I would slip up in some way. To top it off, this was a Unitarian church so I had to tip-toe around to make sure I was "diverse" in my music selections. It made me so nervous to not know what on earth to have people sing, if someone would think it too religious, not religious enough, not diverse enough, etc. The IBS added to this then magnified it because I was then facing all this while feeling awful at times. It was a nasty cycle. I quit and 12 years later, my IBS has never returned. Sometimes it's the situations we place ourselves in that causes these things. In this case, didn't need professional help, I needed to quit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie in CA Posted August 18, 2008 Author Share Posted August 18, 2008 I spoke to the mother of the bride this morning--they are generally the ones who will notice if things aren't just right, especially if they are the ones paying for the cake. Apparently she was very pleased, and never noticed that the cake wasn't perfect. She refused my offer of a partial refund, insisting that if I give any refund at all that it go to the church her dd and son-in-law will be attending. It was a relief that she was happy, because I had heard that she is sometimes difficult to satisfy. I still don't feel very good about the whole thing, and I definitely just don't need the stress of wedding cakes. The money I make and the satisfaction after a cake is successfully completed is just not worth the anxiety that I experience for weeks over each and every one. Thanks to all of you for bearing with me while I vented some of the stress here. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted August 18, 2008 Share Posted August 18, 2008 About 9 years ago, a similar thing happened to me. I delivered a cake to the local country club and put it on the custom built table to client had made for the wedding cake. The cake was positioned in a window and I was nervous but was told the ac would be cranked up shortly. Fifteen minutes later, I got a call from the country club and rushed back there to find two employees actually holding the cake up. Yes, the top three tiers cavedin on the bottom one. I grabbed the top three tiers and dh took the bottom tier off. We rushed to the kitchen and fixed it with a dummy cake, and rolled the whole thing back into the room just as the guests arrived...with the bride and groom leading the way. We told them what had happened and that the bottom tier was in the kitchen being sliced to serve. I tell you all of this because that couple continues to buy cakes from me today and sends me tons of referrals for wedding cakes. They surprised me by giving me the table that had been made for the cake (I have a spectacular table that can roll a wedding cake into a room...what a presentation!) and they turned the worst day of my professional life into a lesson. I know that I can only do my best and that accidents will happen and that I do my best for every customer. I do not, however, do any more paid wedding cakes. I lasted about 7 years after that one and now only do wedding cakes that mean something to me...dd helped me make hers three years ago and I made the wedding cake for dd's best childhood friend. I have teenagers and adult children...I really don't need the added stress of wedding cakes! Glad your situation turned out well!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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