Is being a SAHM hard work?

[Murphy101]

Well, for me I think I need to have intellectually challenging conversations.  I don't get that as a a SAHHM.  My kids are getting older so we can talk about some things, but still they do not have the years of experience.   The conversation can really be about anything.  I just honestly need that "fix".  

That is the number one reason I struggle.

 

Me too.

 

I guess to me this is no different than the ladies and gentlemen of times past spending hours writing letters to/from each other. It was not unusual even for strangers to pen questions or suggestions and such to each other. Granted we can do it probably way more with the www, but still, I do not think this is an unusual or new phenomena to need this communication with those outside our home or even work lives.

[Murphy101]

I'm not policing diddly. Not even my kids. If they are being quiet - I am dozing or surfing or watching tv.

 

A certain person confided that they had a stomach bug the other day. And then they visited me. You know. The person who recently had gallbladder surgery. Jerk. So guess who spent most of the morning over a trash can? Yeah. Me. And guess who got puked on by her 2 year old within an hour of her husband going in to work? Me. And guess who sorta chewed a certain person out when they called to see how she was doing and then said oh so casually, "oh yeah. I had that the other morning, but I felt better by that evening. You should feel better soon I bet." Wait. Wasn't that the evening you dropped by? Wth? I am still healing from surgery?! I can't sneeze without my eyes watering. Do you have an idea how much puking hurt? And I have 10 kids?! I can't be getting down in the floor with puke buckets and picking up a crying sick 2 year old?! Wth were you thinking?!

 

Not my finest friend moment. But seriously w.t.h. *smh*

[SKL]

I'm not policing diddly. Not even my kids. If they are being quiet - I am dozing or surfing or watching tv.

 

A certain person confided that they had a stomach bug the other day. And then they visited me. You know. The person who recently had gallbladder surgery. Jerk. So guess who spent most of the morning over a trash can? Yeah. Me. And guess who got puked on by her 2 year old within an hour of her husband going in to work? Me. And guess who sorta chewed a certain person out when they called to see how she was doing and then said oh so casually, "oh yeah. I had that the other morning, but I felt better by that evening. You should feel better soon I bet." Wait. Wasn't that the evening you dropped by? Wth? I am still healing from surgery?! I can't sneeze without my eyes watering. Do you have an idea how much puking hurt? And I have 10 kids?! I can't be getting down in the floor with puke buckets and picking up a crying sick 2 year old?! Wth were you thinking?!

 

Not my finest friend moment. But seriously w.t.h. *smh*

 

You told her off?  I don't blame you.

 

[Shellydon]

Yes, that would certainly suck. 

 

The life you described is certainly easy, but I would guess that it is pretty rare.  Most SAHMs that homeschool don't have the luxury of time off in the evenings and a full night away from home each week. 

[Joker]

The life you described is certainly easy, but I would guess that it is pretty rare. Most SAHMs that homeschool don't have the luxury of time off in the evenings and a full night away from home each week.

I think what you describe is rare though because I don't know any SAHMs (who are married) who say they have such little time to themselves.

[Guest]

The life you described is certainly easy, but I would guess that it is pretty rare.  Most SAHMs that homeschool don't have the luxury of time off in the evenings and a full night away from home each week. 

 

Maybe it's a regional thing, then. I know gobs of SAHMs, some homeschool and others don't. The far majority of them do get time off fairly regularly, even when they have little kids. In fact, before I had kids, I used to go every Thursday evening out with my SIL.  We did a little shopping and then met up with 3-5 friends for dinner at The Outback. This was something she started when her own kids were tiny.  After I started to have kids, I resumed this night out most weeks. (It ended when our friendship went cold.) But the point of the story is that these were all SAHMs (except one, who was a WOHM); all had kids under 10 years old. 

 

I also belong to a Bunco group. We play (or talk and eat) one Thursday every month. Same thing there. Everybody has kids. Now, the kids are going off to college and getting their first boyfriends and so on - different phase of life. But, the point of that story - the group continues. It is something like 14 years going now. When we started, everyone had babies and preschoolers. 

 

I could cite many other examples. There's a group of moms, mostly homeschoolers, whom I go to dinner with about every six months or so. Nobody has ever said this is impossible due to a complete inability to ever leave home for a few hours. I was in a Bible Study group at one point in my past. Same story, there. I went every week. No big deal. 

 

I don't know. The friends I know and all my SILs and my sister are not so hampered they can't go out for a few hours in ten years. I truly cannot imagine who has that situation for so long, unless there is something extreme happening in the household, like children who have a mental illness or something like that. But just every-day SAHMs? (Regardless of whether or not they also homeschool?) What would make it impossible for average, every-day SAHMs to have no possibility of a night off for ten years?

[Murphy101]

The life you described is certainly easy, but I would guess that it is pretty rare.  Most SAHMs that homeschool don't have the luxury of time off in the evenings and a full night away from home each week.

 

The vast majority of the moms I know leave children at home or wherever at least once or twice or more a week. I was the rare exception and still am. They leave them at home so they can go volunteer at whatever. They leave them at home to go to home school groups meeting nights. They leave them at home to go to office events with their spouses. They leave them at home to go meet the girls friends for brunch or whatever. They all either had a husband, older kids, other relatives, or paid for sitters. It doesn't seem to matter whether they home school or not. Most moms I know do that.

 

I rarely did any of that for majority of my parenting years. My husband traveled and I could never count that he could babysit. My older kids weren't old enough to be left in charge of how many younger siblings they had. Now they are, but they have their own life and it's rare they can babysit for me. And we've never had extended family that could help out or money for babysitters.

[Murphy101]

However, I do make my home time have some sacred time. Partly to compensate for that I guess. I absolutely get some time to just put my feet under a blanket and surf the net or knit or whatever. Sometimes I only get it at 6am or 11pm, but I get it. It's not unusual to find me on a beautiful day letting the kids play war games out front, while I sit on the patio bench sipping wine and pinning stuff on Pinterest or whatever. It isn't like that every day. And 10 years ago I'd never have thought I'd be doing it. But it's not unusual or atypical IMO either.

[Spryte]

I don't like this thread. Nobody knows anybody's parenting/work/family or time off situation.

 

Great! For those who find it easy.

Hugs to those who don't.

I agree. There are too many factors here. Our kids are different, our homes are different, our bodies and level of wellness are different.

 

I hope that everyone who finds it hard at times finds some respite this season, and that those who find it easy enjoy every moment.

[SKL]

I've never really had "me time" as it's usually defined.  But I enjoy some of my duties so much that it feels like "me time."  I guess I'm lucky to be wired that way.

[Upennmama]

As many others have said, it really depends. How many kids, how much money (because having money makes life easier in many ways), health issues, behavioral issues, marriage, how much help you have available to you, what your husband's job and hours are, etc. Having 1-2 kids, a DH working 40 hours/week at a relatively relaxed job, and decent income might not be too taxing, or it might. It also depends on your temperament- introvert or extrovert, how much order and control you like to have, and what type of work you'd be doing otherwise. I bet data entry would be easier than my job, but I bet underwater welder is harder. :)

 

I have 6 kids, some with special needs (medical) and we foster. We are very involved in ministry, and I care for an aging parent. I HS. My job is certainly hard, and I think not many people could do t well. I need to be extremely organized, patient, careful, and plan my life well in order to stay on budget, meet my responsibilities, and meet my kids' and husband's needs. It is hard, but many jobs are hard in different ways. It requires a certain set of skills which I have learned to do well, just as I am sure waitressing or doctoring also require specific skill sets, and both are also hard jobs. Getting into a silly contest over which is harder is ridiculous and non-productive.

[Shellydon]

Maybe it's a regional thing, then. I know gobs of SAHMs, some homeschool and others don't. The far majority of them do get time off fairly regularly, even when they have little kids. In fact, before I had kids, I used to go every Thursday evening out with my SIL.  We did a little shopping and then met up with 3-5 friends for dinner at The Outback. This was something she started when her own kids were tiny.  After I started to have kids, I resumed this night out most weeks. (It ended when our friendship went cold.) But the point of the story is that these were all SAHMs (except one, who was a WOHM); all had kids under 10 years old. 

 

I also belong to a Bunco group. We play (or talk and eat) one Thursday every month. Same thing there. Everybody has kids. Now, the kids are going off to college and getting their first boyfriends and so on - different phase of life. But, the point of that story - the group continues. It is something like 14 years going now. When we started, everyone had babies and preschoolers. 

 

I could cite many other examples. There's a group of moms, mostly homeschoolers, whom I go to dinner with about every six months or so. Nobody has ever said this is impossible due to a complete inability to ever leave home for a few hours. I was in a Bible Study group at one point in my past. Same story, there. I went every week. No big deal. 

 

I don't know. The friends I know and all my SILs and my sister are not so hampered they can't go out for a few hours in ten years. I truly cannot imagine who has that situation for so long, unless there is something extreme happening in the household, like children who have a mental illness or something like that. But just every-day SAHMs? (Regardless of whether or not they also homeschool?) What would make it impossible for average, every-day SAHMs to have no possibility of a night off for ten years?

 

Maybe it is regional then.  The SAHM moms I know that do lots of 'me' time are able to do so because  they put their children in preschool beginning at age 2 (and tend to be well off).  Those moms do go out with friends during the day 2-3 days per week.  Then their children go to public school and they do whatever they want.  The homeschooling moms I know don't have that time. Some because their DHs are working 2 jobs so they can stay home, some because they work at night to be able to homeschool, many because that is not the family dynamic.   It is 11:25 here and I just got done mopping and am about to get into bed.  Another long day tomorrow - school from 8:30-12:30.  Music lessons 1:30-3:30, Girl Scouts 4-6, dinner, clean up, kids in bed, I fold laundry, clean some more then hop into bed.  Pretty typical.  Please understand, I am not complaining.  I am just trying to help those that think that staying at home/homeschooling is easy have a different perspective.  Anytime you are doing any job and you have lots of help and lots of down time, that job is much, much easier.

 

[Jenny in Florida]

This absolutely has to be why you think SAHM is not hard.  Up until 2 years ago, I could count on one hand the number of times I left the house without a baby/toddler in tow.   Once a week time off a luxury that will never happen.   If you had zero (seriously zero) break from motherhood for 10 years-- and after that only got a break once a month, I think you'd feel very different.

 

Yes, there were an awful lot of things kind of glossed over in that description, weren't there? Like the fact that there are husbands around who are willing (and able) to provide these kinds of breaks. And then, in a follow-up post, that we're talking about whole groups of women who apparently have the money to go shopping recreationally and eat at restaurants multiple times a month . . .

 

I can see why some of us find the whole motherhood gig easier than others do.

 

I do feel it necessary to point out that I'm in no way whining about my life. I made my choices for very good reasons, and I wouldn't change most of them. I like my life and my family (most of the time). I'm proud of my kids, who are interesting, vibrant, creative, accomplished people. And I treasure the bonds I've built with them over the years. I have nothing but fond memories of those tons of messy craft projects we did together, many of which made liberal use of the dreaded glitter. I've loved the pets we have and those who are no longer with us, each and every one of whom has enriched our lives in ways that more than make up for the hair and messes and smell they've introduced into our home. I've found being a mom hands down the most fascinating and valuable thing I've ever done . . . and it also happens to be the most challenging.

 

Challenging isn't "bad." It's just, not easy. For me, working full time was easy. But I would much rather be where I am.

[SKL]

So, I'd like to know what kind of full-time jobs folks have done as WOHMs that have been "easy."  (I am NOT saying SAHM is easy, by the way, just wanting to listen to the other side.)

[Guest submarines]

Yes, there were an awful lot of things kind of glossed over in that description, weren't there? Like the fact that there are husbands around who are willing (and able) to provide these kinds of breaks. And then, in a follow-up post, that we're talking about whole groups of women who apparently have the money to go shopping recreationally and eat at restaurants multiple times a month . . .

 

I can see why some of us find the whole motherhood gig easier than others do.

 

I do feel it necessary to point out that I'm in no way whining about my life. I made my choices for very good reasons, and I wouldn't change most of them. I like my life and my family (most of the time). I'm proud of my kids, who are interesting, vibrant, creative, accomplished people. And I treasure the bonds I've built with them over the years. I have nothing but fond memories of those tons of messy craft projects we did together, many of which made liberal use of the dreaded glitter. I've loved the pets we have and those who are no longer with us, each and every one of whom has enriched our lives in ways that more than make up for the hair and messes and smell they've introduced into our home. I've found being a mom hands down the most fascinating and valuable thing I've ever done . . . and it also happens to be the most challenging.

 

Challenging isn't "bad." It's just, not easy. For me, working full time was easy. But I would much rather be where I am.

:hurray: :hurray: :hurray: great post

[Jenny in Florida]

So, I'd like to know what kind of full-time jobs folks have done as WOHMs that have been "easy."  (I am NOT saying SAHM is easy, by the way, just wanting to listen to the other side.)

 

I was an editor and technical writer pre-kids, and I continued to work on a freelance basis for the first couple of years after my daughter was born.

 

I worked retail for another three years when my kids were little, nearly full time for a while when my husband was un/underemployed.

 

I now work part-time doing online tutoring.

[SKL]

Yeah, challenging is good.  And, I never heard anyone say that parenting (at home or otherwise) is not challenging.

My then-6yo was complaining about her dance/gymnastics class.  She said, "I would rather be in a class that was more challenging."  It's human nature to gravitate toward challenge IMO.  Otherwise some of us would not be parents (or moms of many) in the first place.

 

I guess we aren't all defining "hard" and "challenging" the same way.

[Joker]

Yes, there were an awful lot of things kind of glossed over in that description, weren't there? Like the fact that there are husbands around who are willing (and able) to provide these kinds of breaks. And then, in a follow-up post, that we're talking about whole groups of women who apparently have the money to go shopping recreationally and eat at restaurants multiple times a month . . .

 

I can see why some of us find the whole motherhood gig easier than others do.

 

 

I am one who said it wasn't hard. Dh was in the Marine Corps after oldest was born and I still was given alone time after he came home. We had zero extra (and not enough to even pay our bills) for years but I was still given free time. He wanted that time with his children and much as I needed time alone. There was never any shopping or restaurants for me. I would read or take a bath. Sometimes I went to the library. I get many husbands can't do what he did, but it was something important to him. It also doesn't mean all the women who are given free time are wealthy and spending it eating or shopping.

 

I never intended to make anyone feel bad, but I was surprised by how many said they had zero free time or breaks. It's just not my experience or the experience of those around me. I feel for those who have it more difficult. With that, I think I will exit this thread and move on to more productive things.

[LibraryLover]

I struggled with the first few weeks/months of motherhood. It was pretty hormonal and exhausting, even with a great partner and family support. I was the one who was healing, swollen, nursing, not sleeping well due to newborn needs.  That time was very difficult, even if joyful.

[swellmomma]

So, I'd like to know what kind of full-time jobs folks have done as WOHMs that have been "easy."  (I am NOT saying SAHM is easy, by the way, just wanting to listen to the other side.)

 

The bulk of my WOHM experience has been in daycare and I find that easy and fun.  I do better with other people's children and the ones driving me nuts I know go home by 6pm.  I also worked as a medical office assistant in a ped's clinic.  I loved that job and found it easy and exciting every day.  Aside from my role in answering phones, medical billing etc I also removed the acupuncture cups and needles from adult patients, and had consults with families who had children Dx with ADHD as the ped felt I knew more about that than he did.  It was very rewarding.  Currently I work 2 jobs equalling an average of 42 hrs a week and after xmas that will bump up to 50 hrs a week between the 2.  One is again in childcare, specifically school aged care, so more about mentoring than childminding like preK is.  THe other is a cook and cleaner in a diner.  That one is not necessarily easy but it is not really hard either.  Compared to being home with the kids and their issues I find the jobs easy.  At both places I have adults to speak to, people who value me, adults to switch off with if I need a 5 minute break, and a solid sense of accomplishment.  At home I have behaviour needs kids that just drain me emotionally and physically.  A never ending slew of chores (typical of running a home, but still draining, at work there is an end to tasks each day, at home there is not).  At home I have kids who are insomniacs due to their adhd, and who are not particularily safe if left awake unsupervised, so I must stay up later than them, and yet I also have early risers that still need a lot of supervision so I must be "on" constantly with very little sleep.  At work there is lulls, and down periods, and a set end time each day when I know I can walk away from it all.

 

Don't get me wrong, I actually miss being home exclusively, and wish I didn't have to work so much away from home BUT in many ways working is easier.  Now of course I still have everything waiting for me at home so that aspect doesn't change.  What has changed is work has created the respite I desperately needed.  I have never hired a babysitter, I could not afford to hire a trained adult which is what I would need to do due to ds15s needs.  A young teen just doesn't cut it when you have a child that likes to play with fire and run away etc.  When we lived in the city my folks would sometimes watch some of the kids but they don't like ds15 and don't really want him in their home.  They find him to be too much work.  So it was rare and now that we live 2 hours away it is even more so.  I have no irl friends, and even if I did I did not have the means to be going out weekly etc.  I was on my own with the kids when the oldest were 2.5 yrs and 18 months, before that I could not count on my ex because he was a drunk so I couldn't leave the kids with him even when we were still together to go out.  In fact back then I wanted to join a 5 am aquasize class just to fit in some me time and he flipped out and forbid it because it would mean he would have to get up earlier than he wanted to if one of the kids woke up (and since they were babies that was a possibility).  That was only twice a week.  I have always been very isolated as a mom, being a SAHM made it that much more.  Back when I lived in the city I did try to talk to each of my neighbors a little bit each day and that helped make life easier.  So did the boys next door that helped take on some of the outdoor chores to lift that burden off me.  That made it slightly easier, but that doesn't happen out here. 

 

Anyway, It's not that I find working harder or easier than staying home, Or that I prefer it (I don't in the end I prefer being a SAHM because I actually feel that is the right thing for a mom to be, but working is necessary) but there is significant aspects of Working outside the home that are easier than staying home full time.  Just as there are aspects of staying home that are easier than working.

[Audrey]

Yeah, challenging is good.  And, I never heard anyone say that parenting (at home or otherwise) is not challenging.

My then-6yo was complaining about her dance/gymnastics class.  She said, "I would rather be in a class that was more challenging."  It's human nature to gravitate toward challenge IMO.  Otherwise some of us would not be parents (or moms of many) in the first place.

 

I guess we aren't all defining "hard" and "challenging" the same way.

 

 

We don't all define "work" the same way, either.

 

For me, I can't think of parenting or marriage in the same term as "work."  Being a parent, being a spouse -- those are relationships.  I realize that many people refer to parenting and marriages as "hard work," but in my mind, that simply does not compute.  To me, relationships are not work.  Work is an entirely separate and unrelated concept from relationships. 

 

Semantics? Perhaps, but it's important to define your terms anyway.

[SKL]

I don't know what % of working moms have this situation, but my job actually never ends.  I just got an email after midnight asking for help on a document my client needs to submit by tomorrow morning.  My to-do list is nagging at me all the time and there's no clear cut-off except when I "have" to go do something with/for my kids.  So I have to leave by 5:45 to get my kids from aftercare, but I often get pressure to skip the evening activities, let the kids hang out while I work, put the kids to bed early so I can get more work done at night, hire someone to pick up the kids in my place, etc.  I always take work on vacations.  My previous three jobs were similarly demanding.  One boss kindly asked me if I had enough work to keep me busy over Labor Day weekend.  :P  Maybe I just attract these kinds of bosses.  :P

[Ausmumof3]

We don't all define "work" the same way, either.

 

For me, I can't think of parenting or marriage in the same term as "work." Being a parent, being a spouse -- those are relationships. I realize that many people refer to parenting and marriages as "hard work," but in my mind, that simply does not compute. To me, relationships are not work. Work is an entirely separate and unrelated concept from relationships.

 

Semantics? Perhaps, but it's important to define your terms anyway.

What do you define a child care workers job as? Why is it defined differently for your own children? I don't define doing stuff with dh as work but I define changing nappies, washing faces and educating as work. I enjoy the education bit but that doesn't make it work any less than a teacher who enjoys the job isn't working.

 

Skl that sounds like hard work. My dh tends to attract those kind of requests because he has a hard time saying no and he follows through on his commitments. If you are happy with it that's ok but it is also ok to be unavailable sometimes.

 

I am not in the never get a break camp but I always feel like I am stealing time and find myself on edge about what the kids are getting up to. The most relaxing time for me is when I'm feeding ds because I know exactly where he is.

 

Going out on my own or with just dh has happened maybe 10 times in 7 and a half years. That's ok. It's what I signed up for and I love my kids.

[Guest]

I am one who said it wasn't hard. Dh was in the Marine Corps after oldest was born and I still was given alone time after he came home. We had zero extra (and not enough to even pay our bills) for years but I was still given free time. He wanted that time with his children and much as I needed time alone. There was never any shopping or restaurants for me. I would read or take a bath. Sometimes I went to the library. I get many husbands can't do what he did, but it was something important to him. It also doesn't mean all the women who are given free time are wealthy and spending it eating or shopping.

 

I never intended to make anyone feel bad, but I was surprised by how many said they had zero free time or breaks. It's just not my experience or the experience of those around me. I feel for those who have it more difficult. With that, I think I will exit this thread and move on to more productive things.

 

Me, too. 

 

For my part, I'm not trying to convince anyone who finds it hard that it isn't. If one has reasons why it's hard and they never get a break, I feel for them. If they have no husband, or their husband doesn't care, or their husband works 90 hours a week or is deployed overseas, or they have multiple children who are hard to manage, ill, delayed, disturbed or just very "imaginative" and not in a good way, then I'm sorry for them. I do see how such situations are difficult and painful. I do not think it's typical, but I figure it would be hard. 

 

Yes, there were an awful lot of things kind of glossed over in that description, weren't there? Like the fact that there are husbands around who are willing (and able) to provide these kinds of breaks. And then, in a follow-up post, that we're talking about whole groups of women who apparently have the money to go shopping recreationally and eat at restaurants multiple times a month . . .

 

I can see why some of us find the whole motherhood gig easier than others do.

 

I do feel it necessary to point out that I'm in no way whining about my life. I made my choices for very good reasons, and I wouldn't change most of them. I like my life and my family (most of the time). I'm proud of my kids, who are interesting, vibrant, creative, accomplished people. And I treasure the bonds I've built with them over the years. I have nothing but fond memories of those tons of messy craft projects we did together, many of which made liberal use of the dreaded glitter. I've loved the pets we have and those who are no longer with us, each and every one of whom has enriched our lives in ways that more than make up for the hair and messes and smell they've introduced into our home. I've found being a mom hands down the most fascinating and valuable thing I've ever done . . . and it also happens to be the most challenging.

 

Challenging isn't "bad." It's just, not easy. For me, working full time was easy. But I would much rather be where I am.

 

Glossed over? Do you not see my multiple references to my awareness that not everybody has a husband, or a kind-hearted husband, or children who aren't setting fire to the cat the moment you turn around? And money - yes, I am fortunate enough that buying a baked potato at a restaurant once a week isn't a financial crisis, but did you not see that I also said "sometimes I just went to the library"? It costs nothing to go play a dice game with friends. It costs nothing to go to a Bible study group. 

 

I get that you (and others) are not whining about your life. I get that you would have it no other way. What I don't understand is why Sheldon views the never-get-a-break, relentless parenting job as "common" and the luxurious, amazingly posh hour under a blanket surfing the web as "rare." I'm trying hard to imagine what an ordinary SAHM, in an ordinary situation, would find so all-consuming in managing children who are not babies. I'm trying to imagine why it would be unthinkable to tell one's husband (if one has a husband) that you need a couple hours to connect with a friend, go to the library or just pick up household necessities in relative peace. Are we talking about husbands who are deaf to your needs? Or are we talking about non-existent husbands? Or are we talking about having never told one's husband that this is a necessary part of our mental health? I don't get it, that's all. 

[SKL]

Maybe the reason it is not common for a SAHM to have time to relax is that once parenting stops being so all-consuming, many if not most of them join the paid workforce.

[mytwomonkeys]

my children are not special needs so i do get breaks.  only when they were very little did my children need constant supervision, so i gave them naps and a bedtime to help me then.  as they got older, they learned to play independently, leaving me time to tend to the things i needed.  so for my situation, getting downtime was not dependent on my husband alone.  

[Jenny in Florida]

We don't all define "work" the same way, either.

 

For me, I can't think of parenting or marriage in the same term as "work."  Being a parent, being a spouse -- those are relationships.  I realize that many people refer to parenting and marriages as "hard work," but in my mind, that simply does not compute.  To me, relationships are not work.  Work is an entirely separate and unrelated concept from relationships. 

 

When I say "work," I don't mean the relationship part of it, although that isn't always easy around here, either. I'm talking about work, the kinds of things other people get paid to do that I do because I'm a homeschooling mom.

 

For example: My daughter was in an early entrance college program 800 miles from home for four years. She was quite young when she enrolled, and there was no major airport close to the campus. The combination of her age (which meant following special rules to fly as an unaccompanied minor), the location (which meant a limited number of flights from here to there) and our financial situation meant that the most efficient and economical way to get her between campus and home was for me to drive back and forth each time, dropping her off on campus at the beginning of each semester and each break, bringing her back home at the end of each semester and each break. All told, it meant nine 1600-mile round trips each year. Because my husband works and didn't have the necessary flexibility of schedule (not to mention he still suffers from a back injury he incurred when he was in his 20s that makes driving painful), I was elected to make those drives. To save money and time, I typically drove from Florida to Virginia in one day, 800 miles and about 13 hours. I would stay overnight, do the necessary dropping off or picking up, helping with packing or unloading as required, then drive back the next day.

 

I did those trips nine times a year for four years. Even with audiobooks and my dog for company, I'm sorry, but that was work.

 

Changing the cat littler is work.

 

Mowing and edging the lawn is work.

 

Cleaning the house is work.

 

Washing, hanging to dry and ironing dance costumes and dance gear that is too delicate to be washed and dried on normal machine cycles is work.

 

Gathering materials and writing my own curricula because I can't afford to buy what we need was work.

 

Proofreading essays and assignments for the kid taking college classes is work. (In fact, I get paid to do that very thing for students to whom I am not biologically connected.) Proofreading memos for my husband before he sends them to his boss is work, too.

 

Spending several hours a week trying to teach a teenage girl with anxiety issues who doesn't actually want to learn how to drive is work.

 

Coordinating fundraisers for my son's choir's upcoming trip to NYC is work.

 

Acting as unpaid therapist to two profoundly gifted kids who came factory installed with some of the emotional issues that tend to accompany that kind of intelligence is work, especially when one or both of them is in need of that kind of attention at midnight on a day when I've been up since 6:00 am doing the things listed above.

 

When I say "work," I mean work, not relationships.

[Audrey]

 

Calling their work 'relationship' glosses over their need for respite, decent pay, safe conditions, support.

I don't call a paid childcare worker's job a relationship.  That is a job. That is work.  There may be components of relationship in it, but it is not a primary/familial relationship.

 

On the other hand, I birthed a child.  I care for him and have an invested relationship with him.  That is not work. 

 

 

I'm probably not explaining myself well in this.  I'm not making a judgment on how other people view relationships and work.  I was trying to explain why I don't feel like I can relate to these types of conversations that use the term work to apply to familial relationships.  I don't think that way.  I don't believe I'm the only one who thinks the way I do about it, but I certainly would not proclaim that my way is right/better/the only way.  I do not mean to convey that at all.  I am just trying to explain how I see the issue.

[Guest]

 

Quill, it isn't as simple as just insisting one has needs.

 

There are many reasons it can be more complicated than that, and not everyone wants to go into that online.

 

Money issues, an absent husband - physically or emotionally - money issues, parenting styles, child's issues, money issues, partner working two or more jobs, not wanting to impose on friends or relatives.

 

I understand that. I don't view it as typical. I don't view those factors as a given for most mothers who SAH. 

 

A few of the posters in this thread seem like they are hostile, resentful that I would have the gall to admit that I have open time to do what I enjoy pretty regularly.  Perhaps they would be horrified to see how restful my day was today, what with snow canceling everything on the docket. The only real work I did today was put up sheeting on my chicken run with dh and hang a heat lamp. Oh, and I ordered a couple of Christmas presents on-line. I did no homeschooling, because dd's school was cancelled and the boys resent it if she gets off and they don't. Besides which playing in the snow is fun and good exercise. 

[Audrey]

When I say "work," I don't mean the relationship part of it, although that isn't always easy around here, either. I'm talking about work, the kinds of things other people get paid to do that I do because I'm a homeschooling mom.

 

For example: My daughter was in an early entrance college program 800 miles from home for four years. She was quite young when she enrolled, and there was no major airport close to the campus. The combination of her age (which meant following special rules to fly as an unaccompanied minor), the location (which meant a limited number of flights from here to there) and our financial situation meant that the most efficient and economical way to get her between campus and home was for me to drive back and forth each time, dropping her off on campus at the beginning of each semester and each break, bringing her back home at the end of each semester and each break. All told, it meant nine 1600-mile round trips each year. Because my husband works and didn't have the necessary flexibility of schedule (not to mention he still suffers from a back injury he incurred when he was in his 20s that makes driving painful), I was elected to make those drives. To save money and time, I typically drove from Florida to Virginia in one day, 800 miles and about 13 hours. I would stay overnight, do the necessary dropping off or picking up, helping with packing or unloading as required, then drive back the next day.

 

I did those trips nine times a year for four years. Even with audiobooks and my dog for company, I'm sorry, but that was work.

 

Changing the cat littler is work.

 

Mowing and edging the lawn is work.

 

Cleaning the house is work.

 

Washing, hanging to dry and ironing dance costumes and dance gear that is too delicate to be washed and dried on normal machine cycles is work.

 

Gathering materials and writing my own curricula because I can't afford to buy what we need was work.

 

Proofreading essays and assignments for the kid taking college classes is work. (In fact, I get paid to do that very thing for students to whom I am not biologically connected.) Proofreading memos for my husband before he sends them to his boss is work, too.

 

Spending several hours a week trying to teach a teenage girl with anxiety issues who doesn't actually want to learn how to drive is work.

 

Coordinating fundraisers for my son's choir's upcoming trip to NYC is work.

 

Acting as unpaid therapist to two profoundly gifted kids who came factory installed with some of the emotional issues that tend to accompany that kind of intelligence is work, especially when one or both of them is in need of that kind of attention at midnight on a day when I've been up since 6:00 am doing the things listed above.

 

When I say "work," I mean work, not relationships.

 

 

We just think differently on this issue.  Nearly all of the things you listed are not things I would call work.  They are things I do because I committed to a certain relationship with my family/child/partner.  The stuff I do in my relationship may take effort, but I just don't define it in the context that I define work. 

 

 

Again, I'm not trying to make any judgment on how others see their efforts, work or relationships. It is to each person to define these terms for themselves.  I was only trying to demonstrate that not everyone thinks of work in the same terms as others.  This is what sometimes makes it difficult to converse in topics like this one -- the differences in understanding of the terminology at hand.

[Guest]

You know, piggybacking a little bit on what Audrey said: 

 

One thing I determined early in my motherhood journey was that I was going to do my best not to regale others with how busy I am.  One of my SILs did this ALL*THE*TIME. It's pretty much a joke within the family and with other moms who know her.  She would have told you she wasn't complaining. But it always sounded like she was. If you were unwise enough to merely say, "How was your weekend?" you would get a detailed hour-by-hour recount of all the far-away soccer games, 4-H animal activities, school events, social events, etc., etc. she had attended. She loved to brag about how many zillion miles she's put on her van. It was so, so annoying. 

 

So, maybe that influences some of my understanding of my role as a mother. I very rarely tell other mothers about what my schedule looks like because I have chosen everything I have on it. If my kids are in sports or activities, then that is a choice dh and/or I have made and there's no reason to blab about how busy we may be. 

 

Audrey is right in that the investments I put into taking care of my kids *are* relational. They may be work in the objective sense, i.e., if I wash their clothes instead of hiring a laundress, that is physical work that I have to do. But I wash the clothes because I care about the people who need clean clothing. If I drove 800 miles to take my dd to a college learning enrichment program, I would only do this because she's precious to me. (FTR, I probably would say no!) I definitely wouldn't do it for anyone but family, even for pay. 

[Ausmumof3]

So do you only define work as something you do for monetary gain?

 

From reading here I do think there is a difference in aus with culture, most of the mums I know do not get the kind of breaks described in these posts. Those who do, would get it only after they had put all the kids to bed and made sure everything was done.

 

For me it probably started when I had to have driving lessons when ds was 18 months old. He screamed the entire time I was gone for about three months straight. He would start from the minute the instructors car appeared in the driveway. That made it hard for Dh to care for him and probably impacted on my ability to leave the kids.

 

I think it is easier for the mums I know who have older kids.

 

Most of my mum friends have between two and four preschoolers or homeschool or work part time.

 

Quill, I think it's great that you had that kind of life, but that doesn't translate to a blanket statement of being a Sahm isn't hard.

[Guest]

 

Quill, I think it's great that you had that kind of life, but that doesn't translate to a blanket statement of being a Sahm isn't hard. 

 

*shrug* Whatev. Didn't know an unpopular opinion could be wrong. 

[Jenny in Florida]

You know, piggybacking a little bit on what Audrey said: 

 

One thing I determined early in my motherhood journey was that I was going to do my best not to regale others with how busy I am.  One of my SILs did this ALL*THE*TIME. It's pretty much a joke within the family and with other moms who know her.  She would have told you she wasn't complaining. But it always sounded like she was. If you were unwise enough to merely say, "How was your weekend?" you would get a detailed hour-by-hour recount of all the far-away soccer games, 4-H animal activities, school events, social events, etc., etc. she had attended. She loved to brag about how many zillion miles she's put on her van. It was so, so annoying. 

 

So, maybe that influences some of my understanding of my role as a mother. I very rarely tell other mothers about what my schedule looks like because I have chosen everything I have on it. If my kids are in sports or activities, then that is a choice dh and/or I have made and there's no reason to blab about how busy we may be. 

 

Audrey is right in that the investments I put into taking care of my kids *are* relational. They may be work in the objective sense, i.e., if I wash their clothes instead of hiring a laundress, that is physical work that I have to do. But I wash the clothes because I care about the people who need clean clothing. If I drove 800 miles to take my dd to a college learning enrichment program, I would only do this because she's precious to me. (FTR, I probably would say no!) I definitely wouldn't do it for anyone but family, even for pay. 

 

For the record, please note that I have been listing these things only in response to direct challenges from others about why, exactly, I have so little downtime. My schedule and responsibilities are not things I go around spouting off about in the normal course of conversation. (If you asked me your hypothetical how-was-your-weekend question, you'd likely get a response along the lines of, "Busy, but good. Son had a dance competition, and I saw Daughter's show on Saturday. It was a really great production. What about you?") In this case, in this conversation, the facts are relevant.

 

And, of course I do these things because my family is precious to me. Again, I'm not complaining or whining or trying to get out of doing any of the things I do. For the most part, these responsibilities are the result of choices I made and are an expression of my love and caring for my family. I'm genuinely grateful that I have the energy and (internal) resources to be able to do these things as much and as often as I do. I recognize that my efforts have value and allow my kids to do lots of things others have no opportunity to experience, and I know in my heart that my support contributes to their successes. But that does not mean these things are not "work," in that they do require effort and time and result in me not having the kinds of breaks you seem to take for granted.

 

Edit: I'm not entirely sure this matters a lot, but it's been bugging me. The program in which my daughter was enrolled was not "enrichment." It was college, full time, regular college. She enrolled at age 12 and graduated with her B.A. at 16. The reason I feel it may be significant to correct this is that it may illustrate some of the reasons I've made the choices I have and, consequently, why my life may be more challenging than that of other moms. I don't have "typical" kids. I had a daughter who, at 12, was wilting both academically and socially being stuck at home. Because of her age, none of the local programs offering appropriate educational challenges would accept her. Because of her intelligence and academic level, none of the programs open to her locally were worthwhile. She was bored and unhappy and spiraling into depression. At some point, we all agreed that the early entrance program was the best option for her. And, because of the factors I outlined above, one of the reasons it was feasible for her to go was that I was willing and able to make those drives. I suppose I "could" have said no, as you said you would have. But I didn't see any good reason to refuse, and it's not in my nature to deny my kid that kind of opportunity in the name of my own comfort and convenience.

[Shellydon]

I understand that. I don't view it as typical. I don't view those factors as a given for most mothers who SAH. 

 

A few of the posters in this thread seem like they are hostile, resentful that I would have the gall to admit that I have open time to do what I enjoy pretty regularly.  Perhaps they would be horrified to see how restful my day was today, what with snow canceling everything on the docket. The only real work I did today was put up sheeting on my chicken run with dh and hang a heat lamp. Oh, and I ordered a couple of Christmas presents on-line. I did no homeschooling, because dd's school was cancelled and the boys resent it if she gets off and they don't. Besides which playing in the snow is fun and good exercise. 

 

I have a DH that would not tolerate that kind of sitting around from his wife.  At all.  And if I am honest, if my DH sat around and did very little, I wouldn't like it either. There is so much to be done each day -- home repairs, cleaning that just hanging out and playing is never an option.  Perhaps you all are able to pay for those things to be done.  At our house, DH does 99% of the home repairs. His  current project is replacing a rock patio and installing an attic ladder.  He also has to fix the blinker on my vehicle tonight, clean the chimney and help me put a book shelf together.  If spent the day doing next to nothing, while he spent the day working then has to come home and work on household/automobile tasks-- he would not be happy and I wouldn't blame him.  In my area, the only SAHMs that have lots of restful do nothing kind of days (or alternately go out and play or do lunch) are those that are wealthy and able to pay for work to be done.  This is not a bad thing, as it provides jobs for other people, but we are not able to afford it.  If I went back to work, we would be able to afford full time private school for 4 kids, a weekly house keeper plus some awesome vacations, but that is not what we've decide is important right now.

[Murphy101]

I think life and relationships are work. To me work is work, whether I get paid or not.

 

I think we all have choices about our priorities and sometimes that's harder to balance than other times.

 

It's not a competition. My life is a reflection of my life. Not what anyone else's life should be.

[Ausmumof3]

Martha, I tried to like your post but can't? I really like that approach.

[Dandelion]

I posted way back on page 1 of this thread (eons ago  ;) ), and have only loosely kept up with it since.

 

However, I'd have to agree with those who say that it's impossible to come to any sort of agreement on this topic.  There's such a diversity of experiences, circumstances, mindsets, and opinions that you could explain yourself all day long and people on the other end of spectrum still wouldn't agree.

 

"Hard" and "hard work" are completely subjective terms.  I think the sharing of experiences is great.  It's so interesting to hear how other moms see and experience their lives.  But there will never be agreement on whether being a SAHM mom is hard work. 

[Murphy101]

I'm wondering how much family size, class and work patterns impact on the amount of work one does.

Oh I'm not going to go there. It's a dark icky place of stereotypes, classism, resentment and presumption.

 

I know for a fact the majority of homeschool families leave their older kids to babysit and do a lot more than I ever have for their younger kids. I am not saying they are wrong. I'm saying dh and I purposely decided not to parent that way for us. And sure, to other people, that made a lot more work for us.

 

My dh traveled a LOT and he is my only family. I know many military moms solo parent great. They just go about life same as always. I never could manage that. I really felt I had to drastically reduce our outside commitments during those years in order to be a better mother and wife. And it was still really really hard on our marriage and family.

 

I could go on about things. But the bottom line is that class, family size, work attitudes don't matter. We are all just doing what we feel we gotta do.

[Χά�ων]

So, I'd like to know what kind of full-time jobs folks have done as WOHMs that have been "easy." (I am NOT saying SAHM is easy, by the way, just wanting to listen to the other side.)

I managed a company in 3 midwest states including frequent travel. DS always went with me. I did it all but I kept normal business hours except one weekend every other month. I found that prioritizing my time and minimizing online distractions to be the key to keeping everything under control. Often I was done early enough to miss rush hour. :D

[Above The Rowan]

I posted way back on page 1 of this thread (eons ago ;) ), and have only loosely kept up with it since.

 

However, I'd have to agree with those who say that it's impossible to come to any sort of agreement on this topic. There's such a diversity of experiences, circumstances, mindsets, and opinions that you could explain yourself all day long and people on the other end of spectrum still wouldn't agree.

 

"Hard" and "hard work" are completely subjective terms. I think the sharing of experiences is great. It's so interesting to hear how other moms see and experience their lives. But there will never be agreement on whether being a SAHM mom is hard work.

I agree.

 

I have only kept up on this one here and there. Interesting to see others' experiences. Although the level of busy-ness some of you mamas have has made me look around and feel like a slacker for how un-busy I feel these days. I think I'm still in bliss mode from having left my high stress job to be a SAHM and homeschool. Plus keeping the house is just not a huge deal around here. Stuff gets done by us all collectively and we are pretty laid back.

 

Everyone's experiences are subjective and I think it would be better to just empathize with others' experiences instead of attacking and defending.

[Guest]

 

Perhaps they would be horrified to see how restful my day was today

 Wow, Sheldon. I was right! 

 

I don't have paid domestic help. Neither does dh. It's just no big deal to take care of what needs to be done here. Maybe I'm just really relaxed. Maybe my standards are unforgivably low. Maybe. *shrug* 

[Dandelion]

 Maybe I'm just really relaxed. 

 

I think this is a key point.

 

By nature, I am not a relaxed person.  I'm a Type A with perfectionist/idealist tendencies.  I'm working on becoming more relaxed, because I know that will reduce a lot of the stress I bring on myself with my impossible ideals and standards. By becoming more relaxed, I can spend more time enjoying and less time stressing about everything.  

 

This definitely factors into my perception of SAHM-hood. 

[Soror]

 

I know for a fact the majority of homeschool families leave their older kids to babysit and do a lot more than I ever have for their younger kids. I am not saying they are wrong. I'm saying dh and I purposely decided not to parent that way for us. And sure, to other people, that made a lot more work for us.

 

 

Hmm, I don't think most of the hs'ers I know don't do this but perhaps I'm wrong. I know for certain most don't use babysitters as that is not something the vast majority can afford around here on one income.  I cannot think of anyone who has any kind of help and most have hubbies that work a lot of hrs.

 

Our family has chosen to keep the little ones close as well. If I got a once a month break it would be really good month. In the last 13mo. since the new baby was born I think I've had 2, maybe 3 couple hr stints completely by myself.  

 

My dh goes through spurts on working, sometimes his schedule is decent and allows him time to help and sometimes it is so busy we hardly see each other, the last 5 months were like that and it sucked. 

 

We generally do all our own work around here as well and I have generally been the uber Type A that stays super busy, you know you shouldn't sit unless you are eating. However, my thyroid and hormones bonked out in my last pregnancy and God had different plans. I just didn't have it in me physically or mentally to do much of anything. I had to focus on the very basics and organize my time well and prioritize. I realized that focusing on our relationships was much more important and many things could wait. Anyway, I'm still not quite right and cannot do near what I usually do and if I think about it much it really bothers me but I've also learned that relaxing is quite nice as well.

 

On the bad days it feels like a heck of alot of work but mostly I enjoy it as with little energy even doing the basics (cooking, cleaning, schooling is enough to wear me out). I do have hrs of relaxing these days, although the vast majority of that time is with the baby nursing as she nurses a ton(hrs at a time). I feel guilty at times that I'm not near as busy as I usually am and there are more things I need to do but I'm trying to focus on enjoying the time.  So, I feel quite bad saying my life is hard. There have been certain periods that were very difficult, sleep dep is considered a torture method :) Mostly it is the mental challenge though, the lack of downtime and needing adult interaction that is difficult at times.

[Joker]

I have a DH that would not tolerate that kind of sitting around from his wife.  At all.  And if I am honest, if my DH sat around and did very little, I wouldn't like it either. There is so much to be done each day -- home repairs, cleaning that just hanging out and playing is never an option.  Perhaps you all are able to pay for those things to be done.  At our house, DH does 99% of the home repairs. His  current project is replacing a rock patio and installing an attic ladder.  He also has to fix the blinker on my vehicle tonight, clean the chimney and help me put a book shelf together.  If spent the day doing next to nothing, while he spent the day working then has to come home and work on household/automobile tasks-- he would not be happy and I wouldn't blame him.  In my area, the only SAHMs that have lots of restful do nothing kind of days (or alternately go out and play or do lunch) are those that are wealthy and able to pay for work to be done.  This is not a bad thing, as it provides jobs for other people, but we are not able to afford it.  If I went back to work, we would be able to afford full time private school for 4 kids, a weekly house keeper plus some awesome vacations, but that is not what we've decide is important right now.

 

Our home is only 1000 sq. ft. and is only six years old. There are no home repairs needed at this moment. I can seriously clean the entire home in three hours. That's if I need to do everything at once. I usually spend one hour a day cleaning because there just isn't that much to do. Laundry only needs to be done twice a week. We have no patio, no chimney, nothing to put together for the house (because, again, it is tiny and there is no room for anything else). Automobile tasks take no time at all and if it's more than changing a bulb we take it to a local garage.

 

I have never assumed it is easy for everyone and I know I have it good. I was genuinely surprised at how many said they have so little time to themselves, though. The SAHMs I know do not have others doing their work for them either, but they have easy days here and there.

 

Also, I love it when my dh sits around and does nothing on the weekends. He is busy during the week with work and I love just hanging out without constantly thinking about the next thing that needs to get done. I think there is definitely something to personalities coming into play regarding how relaxed and easy one might find their life.

[Soror]

 

Also, I love it when my dh sits around and does nothing on the weekends. He is busy during the week with work and I love just hanging out without constantly thinking about the next thing that needs to get done. I think there is definitely something to personalities coming into play regarding how relaxed and easy one might find their life.

Same here. We spent years working on finishing the house and then when we were finishing it burned down and every spare minute of what little we had went to working on the rebuild and this was at the same time #2 was born and dh was working like a madman. He didn't hardly see dd#1 until she was 6 months as he was so busy. It's not worth it. There will always be things to do.  We quite enjoy actually taking some time off these days, what a novel concept!

[Murphy101]

I see no virtue in being so busy that a person can't just sit and relax sometimes. Busy is not a virtue. And just relaxing/enjoying life is not lazy.

[Wheres Toto]

Unfortunately I don't think the mom who handles all the childcare, housework and never gets a break is that uncommon.  I know when I was in mom's club (my kids were 3 and 5 when I stopped), most of the other moms in my group did not get the breaks I did.  They had to ask their husbands for permission to take a break from the kids, and then it seemed completely at the whim of their husbands mood.  Some didn't trust their husbands to properly monitor the kids for a variety of reasons.

 

My husband takes the kids and visits his mother for the weekend about once a month, and has since dd stopped nursing.    Once a week when oldest dd has a shorter night of dance, I would go hang out in Panera for a couple hours instead of going back home.  Even though I didn't get those breaks with Ex, I was still surprised at how uncommon it was to have a husband that WANTED time alone with his kids.

 

I did say to Dh when we first were discussing kids that he was never going to be "babysitting" the kids like he's doing me some huge favor.  They are his kids too, he's parenting not babysitting.

 

I've did the SAHM to two not-quite-neurotypical young kids for 8 years, I did the WOHM for 11 years, and now I'm doing the WOHM bit again.  They are hard/easy in different ways.  I am enjoying getting out of the house, doing something that I'm good at and appreciated for (I'm a lousy housekeeper and dh has always cooked dinner).  I definitely enjoy the paycheck and the benefits that are the reason I'm working again.  But I also enjoyed and took a lot of satisfaction from homeschooling, and I really enjoyed being home with my kids.  I miss the weekday field trips and spending time with other moms and being involved in their daily schooling.  

 

I don't find being a SAHM hard work.  I find endless laundry, cleaning, mediating, and not getting quiet hard.

[swellmomma]

I hope I didn't give the impression that I spout off how busy I am to everyone all the time or to anyone who asks how my weekend was etc.  Listing out the details in this thread or in a tackle thread is different and pertinent to the discussion, not the same as whining or trying to play the martyr etc.  I will say something else popped up at work today that made me think of this thread.  As a mom of any sort, whether SAHM, WAHM, WOHM you have to wait 18 years until the child is launched into adulthood for any way of knowing if you have done a good job, and you have to wait (hopefully) many more years before a promotion (to gramma).  Whereas at work as soon as your hard work is recognized there is appreciation shown, promotions etc.  I think that is what sucks and leads to moms feeling it is hard regardless.  Recognition and appreciation for what you are doing is a huge boost to make you feel valued and ease a lot of burden you may be feeling over the challenges.  If you have a spouse that shows his support of what you are doing as a mom, and kids turning out pretty good (especially when outsiders comment on how well behaved your child is etc) you get that boost.  When you don't have that and the only comments you hear about your kids/family are disparaging and you feel like there is no end in sight it sure can make things feel far harder than perhaps they are.  It affects your perceptions of things a great deal.  Perhaps that is why I find working so easy in that inregard, physically it is hard work but that hard work is recognized.  After 1 month back at the afterschool care I was named assistant director of the program, a position I will officially hold after the break.  At the diner I have been put into a supervisory role as well after only 2 months there.  Hard work is recognized, appreciated and rewarded in the workforce.  At home, there is simply more work without that proverbial pat on the back and despite anyone's belief that they don't need that, they really do even if it only comes rarely.  It lifts a great many burdens when you get it and makes you feel more satisfied in the role you have chosen.

[Shellydon]

Our home is only 1000 sq. ft. and is only six years old. There are no home repairs needed at this moment. I can seriously clean the entire home in three hours. That's if I need to do everything at once. I usually spend one hour a day cleaning because there just isn't that much to do. Laundry only needs to be done twice a week. We have no patio, no chimney, nothing to put together for the house (because, again, it is tiny and there is no room for anything else). Automobile tasks take no time at all and if it's more than changing a bulb we take it to a local garage.

 

I have never assumed it is easy for everyone and I know I have it good. I was genuinely surprised at how many said they have so little time to themselves, though. The SAHMs I know do not have others doing their work for them either, but they have easy days here and there.

 

Also, I love it when my dh sits around and does nothing on the weekends. He is busy during the week with work and I love just hanging out without constantly thinking about the next thing that needs to get done. I think there is definitely something to personalities coming into play regarding how relaxed and easy one might find their life.

 

I would love a house new enough that nothing breaks. :)!  Ours is 30 years old.  The upside is that it is paid for.