Do You Feel Like an Outsider as a Classical Homeschooler?

[Bookaddict]

Hi Everyone,

 

While My kids are still in pre-school we have decided to homeschool and do many of the things Susan recommends in the WTM as well as other learning opportunities. In the meantime, I am enjoying reading as much as I can about classical homeschooling, education in general, homeschool techniques, etc. There are not too many homeschool groups in our city, in fact, only two that I know of and I sort of feel like an outsider even amongst the other homeschoolers. Out of the 200 families that homeschool, not one is a classical homeschooler much less heard of it. When people ask about it and I explain, most of the homeschool moms seem to hint that perhaps this much "rigor" is over doing it and anything is better than public school. 

 

The other two things that seems to occur in both groups is  a) each person much homeschool in their own way however little or much that may be and any way is acceptable and b) that these homeschool groups are mostly for socialization so please don't discuss your actual curriculum or methods. The groups seem to be so concerned with hurting anyone's feelings that almost NO ONE ever talks about what works for them or didn't and what we can/should be doing differently than public schools or learning from each other. I completely agree that everyone will find their own niche, method, schedule, etc...but I also had hoped to find other homeschoolers who wanted to share what they are doing so we can all learn from each other. I was particularly excited because my kids were not in grade school yet so I could draw on the knowledge of others. But most of the time, I get the reaction that it is a very private personal matter and how rude to ask about or share about other methods. I also get that Classical curriculum seems to be overboard and that I must somehow be a "tiger mom" or something of the sort in order to actually put such a focus on the educational aspect of homeschooling.

 

Does anyone else get this? Do you find it hard with non classical homeschoolers or any homeschooling parent to discuss the actual aspect of the educating taking place at home?

 

Thanks!

[quark]

This sounds quite a lot like one of the homeschooling groups I belong to. Maybe it's the same one lol. Anyway, I do feel like an outsider and I'm not even a classical homeschooler! My thoughts...trust your instincts and do what you have to do. And when you really need to discuss curriculum, come to the Hive. I visit a number of homeschooling forums but haven't found a better fit for myself than the WTM forums.

[MinivanMom]

Asking a homeschooling mom what her philosophy is or what curriculum she uses is similar to asking a pregnant woman if she's planning to have a natural childbirth or asking a new mom whether she is breastfeeding. The topic is so controversial and creates such passionate feelings that it's taboo. It falls under the rule about what not to talk about in social settings: Do not discuss religion, politics, breastfeeding, or curriculum.

 

I have never found a group setting where it was socially acceptable to discuss curriculum. If I want to discuss homeschool philosophy, educational research, or curriculum then I come here.

[Hunter]

Welcome BookAddict. Discuss curriculum here. At the group just have fun.

[EmilyGF]

Asking a homeschooling mom what her philosophy is or what curriculum she uses is similar to asking a pregnant woman if she's planning to have a natural childbirth or asking a new mom whether she is breastfeeding. The topic is so controversial and creates such passionate feelings that it's taboo. It falls under the rule about what not to talk about in social settings: Do not discuss religion, politics, breastfeeding, or curriculum.

 

I have never found a group setting where it was socially acceptable to discuss curriculum. If I want to discuss homeschool philosophy, educational research, or curriculum then I come here.

 

Also, many new moms have a certain philosophy that changes over the years - just like parents may change in their parenting style, and even ones who don't often mellow. The same thing, I believe, happens with homeschoolers.

 

Emily

[JudoMom]

Hi Everyone,

 

While My kids are still in pre-school we have decided to homeschool and do many of the things Susan recommends in the WTM as well as other learning opportunities. In the meantime, I am enjoying reading as much as I can about classical homeschooling, education in general, homeschool techniques, etc. There are not too many homeschool groups in our city, in fact, only two that I know of and I sort of feel like an outsider even amongst the other homeschoolers. Out of the 200 families that homeschool, not one is a classical homeschooler much less heard of it. When people ask about it and I explain, most of the homeschool moms seem to hint that perhaps this much "rigor" is over doing it and anything is better than public school. 

 

The other two things that seems to occur in both groups is  a) each person much homeschool in their own way however little or much that may be and any way is acceptable and B) that these homeschool groups are mostly for socialization so please don't discuss your actual curriculum or methods. The groups seem to be so concerned with hurting anyone's feelings that almost NO ONE ever talks about what works for them or didn't and what we can/should be doing differently than public schools or learning from each other. I completely agree that everyone will find their own niche, method, schedule, etc...but I also had hoped to find other homeschoolers who wanted to share what they are doing so we can all learn from each other. I was particularly excited because my kids were not in grade school yet so I could draw on the knowledge of others. But most of the time, I get the reaction that it is a very private personal matter and how rude to ask about or share about other methods. I also get that Classical curriculum seems to be overboard and that I must somehow be a "tiger mom" or something of the sort in order to actually put such a focus on the educational aspect of homeschooling.

 

Does anyone else get this? Do you find it hard with non classical homeschoolers or any homeschooling parent to discuss the actual aspect of the educating taking place at home?

 

Thanks!

 

Gosh, that is a bummer!  I'm always more than willing to share what worked/didn't work for us with anyone IRL.  I've recently met a handful of new homeschoolers and have a few discussions.  I do try to stress that what works for me might not work for them, but I at least try to give them jumping off points.  

 

I did talk to one lady when my oldest was 6 and she informed me that "she tried WTM one year and it was too rigorous and too much and she never knew anyone to stick with it beyond a year."  I still have opportunity to see her now and again, and I wish it would come up that we're still following the method :lol:.

[freesia]

Asking a homeschooling mom what her philosophy is or what curriculum she uses is similar to asking a pregnant woman if she's planning to have a natural childbirth or asking a new mom whether she is breastfeeding. The topic is so controversial and creates such passionate feelings that it's taboo. It falls under the rule about what not to talk about in social settings: Do not discuss religion, politics, breastfeeding, or curriculum.

 

I have never found a group setting where it was socially acceptable to discuss curriculum. If I want to discuss homeschool philosophy, educational research, or curriculum then I come here.

Really? Wow! That is not my experience at all. I've lived just south of Vancouver, BC and,now, in the mid Atlantic States. Our Mother's meetings start with someone sharing about their day (complete with curriculum). We have meetings on "Teaching Foreign Language" or "Teaching Math". We often chat curriculum and sometimes have to make ourselves talk about something else. LOL

[Bookaddict]

Asking a homeschooling mom what her philosophy is or what curriculum she uses is similar to asking a pregnant woman if she's planning to have a natural childbirth or asking a new mom whether she is breastfeeding. The topic is so controversial and creates such passionate feelings that it's taboo. It falls under the rule about what not to talk about in social settings: Do not discuss religion, politics, breastfeeding, or curriculum.

 

I have never found a group setting where it was socially acceptable to discuss curriculum. If I want to discuss homeschool philosophy, educational research, or curriculum then I come here.

I understand what you mean about it being taboo because it is a very passionate topic (for most people) in itself and it is personal to each parent and I have found what works with each child too. I guess I was surprised to see it be taboo in a HOMESCHOOL group. I belong to other mom's groups and yes, the education topic is even more taboo because many are all over the place: private school, public school, family school, homeschool, etc but those other groups were usually more outright in saying this is a social group. I would find it very odd if these social groups were offended or sort of tabbooed questions like "which parks do you like?" or "where are some free things to take kids indoors in the winter?" 

 

It seems to me that this is precisely the kind of support a homeschool group should offer-HOMESCHOOLING support in the actual schooling aspect. I am newer to the forums here(and falling quickly in love) but still there is something about good old-fashioned person to person contact that I wish for. I have no problem with groups who say that they are strictly a socialization tool for homeschool kids. I was simply hoping to find both sorts of groups-actual schooling support/talk/learning/etc and socialization.  

 

I was just curious if anyone else had come across this and since they have....Perhaps, I have discovered not a problem peculiar to Homeschoolers but to our society at large. We simply don't talk about things that might ignite passions or differences. 

[regentrude]

Wow, I have NEVER felt this way at all! In fact, it's one of the first topics of conversation! Do you all not have "curriculum nights" or things like that? Surely there are others out there that feel the same way you do. Most moms I know would enjoy talking to a prospective homeschooler about different curricula.

 

I NEVER experienced that. When I joined a group as a beginning homeschooler, I thought that we would talk about homeschooling, LOL. Nope. Nobody talks about curriculum. We are not even truly classical, just academically oriented - it's very lonely.

[Bookaddict]

Really? Wow! That is not my experience at all. I've lived just south of Vancouver, BC and,now, in the mid Atlantic States. Our Mother's meetings start with someone sharing about their day (complete with curriculum). We have meetings on "Teaching Foreign Language" or "Teaching Math". We often chat curriculum and sometimes have to make ourselves talk about something else. LOL

I am so glad to hear this! I have come to the conclusion that perhaps the only way to get the sort of support I want or to have the sort of group that fosters this support for those who want it-is to start my own. My DH graduates in December and we are planning on moving out of state to a larger city (we have always had this as a goal before we met separately, together and now still with kids). We are considering Washington DC, Silicon Valley area or NYC. We shall see where he gets hired! But I hope the larger cities might just have some well-established groups already :)

[Bookaddict]

I NEVER experienced that. When I joined a group as a beginning homeschooler, I thought that we would talk about homeschooling, LOL. Nope. Nobody talks about curriculum. We are not even truly classical, just academically oriented - it's very lonely.

This is a good idea! A curriculum night. Make it the sole focus of the get together and then everyone who attends KNOWS that this will be a topic of discussion and those who don't want to or are uncomfortable don't have to attend. Thanks!

[freesia]

I am so glad to hear this! I have come to the conclusion that perhaps the only way to get the sort of support I want or to have the sort of group that fosters this support for those who want it-is to start my own. My DH graduates in December and we are planning on moving out of state to a larger city (we have always had this as a goal before we met separately, together and now still with kids). We are considering Washington DC, Silicon Valley area or NYC. We shall see where he gets hired! But I hope the larger cities might just have some well-established groups already :)

I think in those areas you should be able to find the support you need/want--or at least "like-minded" folks with whom you can start such a group.

[trulycrabby]

Gee Whiz; I've been making homeschooling faux pas right and left! It's the first question I ask!!! :o  :o  :o  :o  :o :o  :o  :o  :o  

 

The thing is, there's no judgement from me regarding what they use; unschooling, classical, klingon curriculum, it's all good. I've learned so much from just asking the question that I probably won't stop. :p

[Bookaddict]

I NEVER experienced that. When I joined a group as a beginning homeschooler, I thought that we would talk about homeschooling, LOL. Nope. Nobody talks about curriculum. We are not even truly classical, just academically oriented - it's very lonely.

I completely get what you mean! It can be very lonely. While I am always up for socializing, I really wanted to talk about homeschooling with other people who had chosen the less traveled road. I love how you put it "academically oriented". I was surprised at how many other families didn't think academics were a big part of homeschooling. 

[regentrude]

I am sorry!  That's too bad. :(  Maybe it's because I'm from the south and we find out your entire family history within 15 minutes of meeting you (just kidding, sort of :) )

 

I don't know what that would have to do with it ... we sure talk and get close. But I am the ONLY academically inclined homeschooler in our entire group, everybody else is extremely laid back or unschools. We don't fit with the conservative Christian group either.

I think my kids are the only ones in our group who are not academically behind same age public school students.

[waa510]

Yes, very often. My experience is similar to regentrude's in that I think we are the ONLY academically oriented homeschoolers in the area.....who are not Christian. I think being a minority within a minority ( in the sense that we aren't Christian and a large portion of hsers are) makes it very difficult to connect. The group often bashes WTM, doing any organized work, teaching kids to read before age 9, etc. I do a lot of smiling and nodding.

 

It has led to some awkward situations when my 7 yr old was reading her book aloud to the group of 7-10yr olds who are not yet reading :/ OK, that was actually a little funny ;)

[RegularMom]

I very rarely discuss curriculum in social circles. If people ask me direct questions, I'll answer. But I make those answers as brief as possible. I've found myself too often mired in unexpected comparisons and passive aggressive competitions over the years regarding not only which curriculum is the best to use, but also who in the group is the most knowledgeable about all curricula. 

 

sigh... I homeschool classically and very imperfectly. But I am pleased with the progress my daughters are making each year. It's good enough for me. I just stay out of it now. :) Good luck to you. And welcome. 

[Guest]

How interesting this is! I have been a part of 3 large groups since we've started homeschooling and every single one of them has specifically asked on the registration paper what curriculum you use. I am going to a curriculum mom's night out tonight. It's a group that I just joined, and while I don't feel the need to see anything, it will be interesting to see what this new group of ladies is like, as I don't know them well. In groups I've been in, the majority use all Abeka, and they aren't super excited to talk about it, but there are not rules that we can't discuss it. I would find that odd.

 

Edited: brain is fuzzy as I just woke up from sleeping off a migraine. Hope my post makes sense.

[Santi]

Yes, very often. My experience is similar to regentrude's in that I think we are the ONLY academically oriented homeschoolers in the area.....who are not Christian. I think being a minority within a minority ( in the sense that we aren't Christian and a large portion of users are) makes it very difficult to connect. The group often bashes WTM, doing any organized work, teaching kids to read before age 9, etc. I do a lot of smiling and nodding.

 

It has led to some awkward situations when my 7 yr old was reading her book aloud to the group of 7-10yr olds :/ OK, that was actually a little funny ;)

This has been our experience too. We also seem to live near a number of aggressive people. One lady asked me what the point of homeschooling is if I'm just going to teach my kid "the liberal kind of (expletive) they'd learn in public school."

[Farrar]

Well, first up, I'm not really classical...  just classically influenced.  But no.  We fit in just fine.  And even if we were more rigorously classical, I know places we'd fit in fine as well.  And many (though not all) of my homeschool pals irl like to talk curriculum.

[Bookaddict]

This has been our experience too. We also seem to live near a number of aggressive people. One lady asked me what the point of homeschooling is if I'm just going to teach my kid "the liberal kind of (expletive) they'd learn in public school."

This is funny because while we are very religious and that forms much of our lives-I often feel overwhelmed in the Christian groups just like you. It is as if homeschooling as a Christian or from a Christian perspective automatically means academics are NOT important. I am not generalizing all Christians or religious groups this way-it has just been my experience. Many times I have been told by other parents that "we are raising Saints NOT scholars." Since they started it, I usually respond with "why not raise SAINTS and SCHOLARS or Saintly Scholars?"  :laugh:

[8filltheheart]

For me, it really depends. There are some people I do not discuss homeschooling with (my own sister being on of them. We are on opposite end spectrums on what constitutes academic-oriented education). I am more than happy to answer specific questions or offer curriculum suggestions when directly asked, but unless I am around a bunch of homeschool newbies, I don't talk "shop". I have learned over the yrs that our educational goals don't easily align with others and that those differences and really don't mesh well in general conversation.

 

However, I am currently part of a group that does meet specifically to discuss homeschooling curriculum and teaching techniques. The topics are decided prior to the meeting and a broad range of philosophical POV are discussed over time. If something pertains to us, I engage in discussion. When it doesn't, I simply listen and observe.

[WTMCassandra]

I do feel like an outsider a lot IRL. I am considered "tiger mom" here, although in the context of this board, I am average. Lots of unschooling and relaxed schooling, as well as a lot of public-school partnership members. However, most people are willing to talk about curriculum at least to some degree. Most of the time people ask me, and I consult The Hive, LOL!

 

I hang out here a lot because I feel like I mostly fit in here.

[Hunter]

There are those that HOMEschool and those that homeSCHOOL. They are not the same thing. I have done both at different times. My parenting style went through some swings while I was raising my boys and of course that resulted in different curriculum, methods and expectations.

 

On this board, I think I am considered pretty anti-rigor, but that is only in context of this board in the year 2013. Back in the 90s in my hometown I was thought of as a "tigermom" even when I was in a less rigorous HOMEschooling phase.

 

I really respect both HOMEschoolers and homeSCHOOLERS. I don't think either philosophy is superior to the other.

 

But when I want to talk about where I'm currently at, it's really nice to find likeminded folks to talk shop with. It can be lonely to be different.

[ThatHomeschoolDad]

I like talking curriculum, but I seem to be surrounded by unschoolers. I also sense a certain uncomfortable comparison that people are loath to approach, lest one kid not measure up to another in terms of rigor or level.

[HS Mom in NC]

I belong to two groups. 

PE group:

 

At PE we have all different types of philosophies and curriculum represented by the 20+ families. This is the widest mix of homeschoolers I hang around and it's perfectly OK to ask, "Which curriculum do you use?"  Understand that they're only asking you what they asked you.  After you answer, it may or may not be followed up with, "Why did you choose that?" or "What do you like about it?" or something like, "Tell me about it in more detail." Some people are scouting out other people who use what they do to talk shop with them.  Some people are comparing and contrasting options. Others are making homeschooler chit chat. If you answer more than asked they may interpret it as you recruiting or going on and on for no good reason.  My advice is to only answer the question asked and then follow where it leads from there-if it goes anywhere.

 

The Art Class:

 

We hire an artist to teach and the moms and littles hang out. This is one of those unlisted, invitation only groups that very few people know about.  People get invited to it because one of the few members think they will be a good mix with group. The 4 of us either do TWTM, another version of Classical Education, or a hybrid of both those categories.  Since these are very close, long term, personal relationships it's viewed as a refuge type group where everyone "gets it" already.  We are willing to expand to make it worth the teacher's time when necessary. Classical Moms tend to have a certain kind of personality so mixing people into the group carefully matters. It's a no "drama mama" environment.

 

Welcome to homeschool reality.

Many homeschoolers are terribly insecure.  It's sad but true.  Having a conversation about why we chose a Classical Education over the other options causes the insecure homeschoolers to take general discussions about goals, content, approaches, rigor, what "essential" includes, and the like, personally as criticism of anyone choosing something different. It's just treacherous territory. 

 

I don't take it personally when people say Classical Education focuses on what they consider unnecessary things. I don't take it personally when some Christians consider Classical Education somehow categorically secular humanist. (?!?!??!?!)  It's not about me personally, it's about a philosophy in general.  Too many homeschoolers just don't understand the difference between personal attacks and discussing issues. It creates an environment that is hyper-sensitive and frankly, hysterical. 

[T'smom]

I've met up with a few other homeschoolers recently (a few families from a list serve group started having park days and we developed a 'core' group that is usually present. We're all pretty new, most of us having Kers or 1st graders, but we like to talk curriculum. I've loaned the WTM to 2 of them who then went out and bought FLL, WWE, and SOTW! So now some of us can get together and build pyramids or do cave painting activities! We also discuss particular issues we're having and how other people solve them, with school or behavior. I really like this group!

 

On a local Facebook group I'm on, someone asked for recs for cheap 1st grade materials and I almost choked when the first response was "oh, we just got one of those 1st grade workbooks at Costco for like $10 and it has everything in it!" Those may be people I shouldn't discuss curriculum with!

[HS Mom in NC]

This is funny because while we are very religious and that forms much of our lives-I often feel overwhelmed in the Christian groups just like you. It is as if homeschooling as a Christian or from a Christian perspective automatically means academics are NOT important. I am not generalizing all Christians or religious groups this way-it has just been my experience. Many times I have been told by other parents that "we are raising Saints NOT scholars." Since they started it, I usually respond with "why not raise SAINTS and SCHOLARS or Saintly Scholars?"  :laugh:

 

I've heard this too!  As a Christian I'm often horrified at the implication that it's an either/or situation.  It's simply not true that parents have to choose one over the other and still be in God's will.  I cringe to think of the bad PR that attitude brings on all homeschoolers, Christian or not. I'm so glad to see you respond so reasonably.  I've been kicking around the idea of writing an article to newbies about pitfalls to avoid, and this is one of those I've been thinking about lately.

 

Or scholarly saints.

[Bookaddict]

I belong to two groups. 

 

PE group:

 

At PE we have all different types of philosophies and curriculum represented by the 20+ families. This is the widest mix of homeschoolers I hang around and it's perfectly OK to ask, "Which curriculum do you use?"  Understand that they're only asking you what they asked you.  After you answer, it may or may not be followed up with, "Why did you choose that?" or "What do you like about it?" or something like, "Tell me about it in more detail." Some people are scouting out other people who use what they do to talk shop with them.  Some people are comparing and contrasting options. Others are making homeschooler chit chat. If you answer more than asked they may interpret it as you recruiting or going on and on for no good reason.  My advice is to only ask the question answered and then follow where it leads from there-if it goes anywhere.

 

The Art Class:

 

We hire an artist to teach and the moms and littles hang out. This is one of those unlisted, invitation only groups that very few people know about.  People get invited to it because one of the few members think they will be a good mix with group. The 4 of us either do TWTM, another version of Classical Education, or a hybrid of both those categories.  Since these are very close, long term, personal relationships it's viewed as a refuge type group where everyone "gets it" already.  We are willing to expand to make it worth the teacher's time when necessary. Classical Moms tend to have a certain kind of personality so mixing people into the group carefully matters. It's a no "drama mama" environment.

 

Welcome to homeschool reality.

 

Many homeschoolers are terribly insecure.  It's sad but true.  Having a conversation about why we chose a Classical Education over the other options causes the insecure homeschoolers to take general discussions about goals, content, approaches, rigor, what "essential" includes, and the like personally as criticism of anyone choosing something different. It's just treacherous territory. 

 

I don't take it personally when people say Classical Education focuses on what they consider unnecessary things. I don't take it personally when some Christians consider Classical Education somehow categorically secular humanist. (?!?!??!?!)  It's not about me personally, it's about a philosophy in general.  Too many homeschoolers just don't understand the difference between personal attacks and discussing issues. It creates an environment that is hyper-sensitive and frankly, hysterical. 

Absolutely well said! I completely agree that discussing issues does not equal personal attacks. And bringing up why someone chose something or asking about what they do does not mean judging. Nor does sharing what we have chosen. I have run into what you say are insecure homeschoolers. Sometimes, the mention of anything about the actual schooling part brings out a fear of personal attacks.

[Incognito]

Asking a homeschooling mom what her philosophy is or what curriculum she uses is similar to asking a pregnant woman if she's planning to have a natural childbirth or asking a new mom whether she is breastfeeding. The topic is so controversial and creates such passionate feelings that it's taboo. It falls under the rule about what not to talk about in social settings: Do not discuss religion, politics, breastfeeding, or curriculum.

 

I have never found a group setting where it was socially acceptable to discuss curriculum. If I want to discuss homeschool philosophy, educational research, or curriculum then I come here.

 

I agree with your correlation - it is a very personal matter. 

 

I've been lucky enough to find a couple of places where people are happy to talk curriculum in real life.  However, there is rarely anything I haven't already heard/seen here on the Hive. :)

 

OP - people may just be intimidated by you talking about something rigorous and your kids aren't school aged yet.  Also, people who don't do it don't get it.  They think you are forcing your kids to sit and study primary sources on ancient history or something - they don't know about the resources available that ARE suitable for young children.

[NotAVampireLvr]

I have mostly looked online for advice about curriculum.  We are rigorous compared to some which is frustating because I really don't feel like we are. I posted on FB once about looking for math recommendations for my 6 yo kindergartener and I had homeschool friends breathing down my neck because *gasp* I was doing something more than counting beans! The best advice I got was from my public school friends (I have some teacher friends) that took the time to review my options - I think they were genuinely curious and in the end I took THEIR advice! 

 

I have found my Catholic homeschool group to be much more rigorous and inline with what I'm doing, so that was a refreshing connection I've made in the past 3-4 months.

[RootAnn]

Hmm. I don't generally ask about natural birthing, but I usually know within an hour or so if the new mom is breast feeding or bottle feeding.  :laugh:

 

Most of the parents in our local homeschool group don't talk about curriculum, but I do. I'm a curriculum junkie. I am the one that asks what math program you use or what you are going to use for high school. Most of the time, if a new mom starts asking about something particular, I can direct her to the family or families that use that so she can see it in person and talk about what works or doesn't work. We don't discuss "rigor" or types of education (classical/ CM / unschooling).

 

One of my friends read part of WTM (1st edition) years ago when she was getting ready to pull her kids from school. One of the lasting impressions she has is that it was Too Much. She still asks what I'm using, why I'm using it, and how it is going when she is thinking about what to use the following year. We've generally found that whatever her boys like, my girls dislike. So, if we like it, she figures they won't.  :lol:

 

I am looked somewhat askance on in Catholic circles because I don't use any of the usual Catholic materials (Mother of Divine Grace, Kolbe, Seton, OLV, CHC, etc. ) How could I possibly not use these if I'm really a Catholic?!  :ohmy:   But no one completely shuns me. It is too hard because I'm kinda a big personality. (Not necessarily a good thing.  :patriot:  )

[a27mom]

It is so interesting to see how people have such different perspectives based on their experience.

 

There are 3 different classical conversations groups in our county, which only has a population of about 170,000. Homeschooling is quite mainstream around here to the point that I pick up a lot of homeschool, classical resources at garage sales. Classical homeschooling is pretty popular, Plenty of WTM resources at the used homeschool materials store.

 

Homeschooling is a very acceptable choice in my area. So, I think the fact that homeschoolers here aren't constantly on guard for attacks, makes it a less defensive environment in general. Discussing curriculum is pretty normal, and curriculum differences are ok, and expected. Granted I don't know a lot of not Christian homeschoolers. So I don't know how it is in a completely secular environment.

[KrissiK]

I am the only Classical homeschooler in my group. I don't feel like an outsider at all. We are all so different. We don't discuss curriculum, either. I'm glad. I don't want to. I just want friends that I can shoot the breeze with and not think about school for a while. But, I do think it's like as was mentioned before, homeschooling decisions ( the choice to do it, and the choices of methodology and curriculum) are very personal. As a homeschooling mom, I have chosen what I believe to be the best for my children. However, if I meet you and you have different curriculum choices, etc. and you've chosen it because you believe it is the best and tell me all about it, then I will somehow feel inferior. Same with other parenting choices. It's sad, really, that parenting and all that goes with it has to have such high standards.

[My3girls]

Yes, I'm odd man out when it comes to rigor, but most of the people I meet up with want to talk curriculum. I don't mind that we do more as long as they don't tell my kids! Lol. I find the only time school curriculum becomes taboo in my neck of the woods is when homeschoolers and public schoolers meet up. Usually, the public schoolers feel judged.

[HS Mom in NC]

I like talking curriculum, but I seem to be surrounded by unschoolers. I also sense a certain uncomfortable comparison that people are loath to approach, lest one kid not measure up to another in terms of rigor or level.

 

I'm really lucky with the unschooling group I've been around.  They're a huge group and very welcoming to all kinds even though the majority are unschoolers. They're very willing to allow people to discuss what they do and why when it comes up without anyone seeming upset, hurt or offended.  I think they're used to it because they're such a wide range of unschoolers that they're comfortable with differences. 

 

I've met unschoolers who are fairly isolated or from small groups who are stunned that there are other variations of unschooling. I think so many are just insecure and hyper-vigilant about defending unschooling because they're easy targets for criticism from people who often have very little actual knowledge of what unschooling is or can be. 

[2_girls_mommy]

No I don't worry about being an outsider.  And yes, you learn as you go to let others do their thing and to do your own as far as curriculum and to focus on what you have in common in your homeschool groups. 

 

We, at this point, have met enough people that we know with whom we have things in common. We gravitate towards them for educational activities (latin class and club, Robotics team, etc,) but other things in our homeschool group (our new one has a co-op, but is also a support group, so we have field trips, mom nights, etc.) we do with others and I have no idea how they homeschool.  We are in those classes for fellowship, friendship, field trips, PE class or whatever.   I only have one close friend with whom we actually talk a lot about our curriculum.  The rest of us may bring up something we are doing or ask something here or there.  But in general I don't know what people are doing on a regular basis.  I see the good results of their kids, so I know they are doing fine. 

 

We belonged to a co-op before for years that was about half and half.  Half of the families were pretty rigorous or at least were regularly educating.  Others were more unschoolers and their kids couldn't read or write at very high ages IMO.  But we made it work.  Everyone joined together to form classes that worked and that they were interested in.  I didn't put my kids in with some of the moms that I felt weren't going to put a lot of effort into their classes.  And some probably didn't put their kids with us because they knew effort was going to be expected of the kids.  But there were plenty of things we could still do all together, and the kids enjoyed playing together.

 

I do the classical part of my educating at home for the most part.   I use co-ops and outside things for expanding on, enrichment, and socialization and for things that are better in groups.  But the others may be doing their stuff at home very differently and using the outside stuff for something different in their curricula.  We still can hang out.

[HS Mom in NC]

Some homeschoolers are afraid to discuss homeschooling curriculum and approaches because they don't know much.  There are some new homeschoolers who didn't ever bother doing any research.  They just ask a few friends for recommendations and then pick what's common between them.  They didn't do their homework before they started homeschooling or if they had to do "emergency" homeschooling because of a bad ps situation, some of them never did get around to comparing and selecting curriculum conscientiously. They tend to be the ones that pick something, experiment with it, are usually eventually dissatisfied with it, and pick something else because it's popular.  They just don't have anything to contribute to the conversation without revealing that they're ignorant on the topic.

Some choose homeschooling programs that are DVDs their child watches and then the child does the workbooks. Since they're not doing the hands on curriculum selection for each subject and they're not doing some or all of the hands on teaching, they have little to talk shop about with a homeschooler who does more or all hands on instruction themselves. This would be true of some parents whose kids do online private or public school.

 

We're also seeing more parents in our area who co-op everything.  They just drive their kids from one to the other and never teach any of the co-ops themselves (they pay a fee.)  They also use some of the public or private school part time options for their kids where again, they're not doing some or all of the teaching themselves. Having little or no hands on teaching experience makes having a conversation with someone who does have lots of experience awkward.   (I don't consider supervising explaining the homework a teacher assigned teaching or homeschooling in this context.  If that were the case most people whose kids are in public or private school could claim to be homeschoolers too-they're not.)

[Mom22ns]

When I first started homeschooling, every homeschool function I went to I tried to talk about curriculum. Boy did I get a cold shoulder. My experience is similar to Regentrude and others who say that academic standards for homeschoolers in the area tend to be low and curriculum is a banned topic. I even got together with two moms from these boards and only one of them would discuss curriculum with me. I used to have a couple of friends that would compare notes with me now and then, but I left the venue where we had contact and haven't really kept in touch.

 

These boards have been my haven for the last 5+ years. If I want to know about different curriculum options, what people are using, how they use it, if they like it, if not why... I come here. I am so grateful to SWB for these boards!

[LibraryLover]

People change over time. When my dc was young, we were very relaxed/unschoo-ly, although never no school-y.  It worked out fine. We ramped up as dc got older.  When my child was 6, I probably looked like I didn't care much about academics as I was looking at the bigger picture of education; getting them excited, telling stories, reading-reading-reading, going to museums (maybe looking like we were doing too many field trips?) counting plates and silverware instead of counting bears etc. Are the children in your group very young?

 

I do remember times feeling like I might be looking like I was pushing my kid compared to some others, but our group was pretty diverse; some were doing more, even at young ages, and some were doing less. People were supportive of individual choice, and we were able to talk about it. We even had meetings without children where we specifically discussed various resources. We passed around Saxon, Singapore, Calvert, Waldorf, WTM materials  etc.  Maybe the unschoolers thought some of it crazy, but nobody said anything negative.

[8filltheheart]

When I first started homeschooling, every homeschool function I went to I tried to talk about curriculum. Boy did I get a cold shoulder. My experience is similar to Regentrude and others who say that academic standards for homeschoolers in the area tend to be low and curriculum is a banned topic. I even got together with two moms from these boards and only one of them would discuss curriculum with me. I used to have a couple of friends that would compare notes with me now and then, but I left the venue where we had contact and haven't really kept in touch.

 

These boards have been my haven for the last 5+ years. If I want to know about different curriculum options, what people are using, how they use it, if they like it, if not why... I come here. I am so grateful to SWB for these boards!

 

One thing that I am sure younger homeschoolers probably find frustrating when they specifically ask for curriculum suggestions is that most of the time for younger kids my response is that I don't use a textbook or a pre-fab plan and create my own.    ;)

 

[idnib]

The person I talk with the most about curriculum is my neighbor. She's not a homeschooler and her children are in the local public school but she was formerly a Montessori teacher and is always interested in talking with me about educational methods and materials. We have great discussions.

 

I have trouble talking about curriculum with homeschool moms I know IRL. The only ones I know are unschoolers and I think they think I'm too hard on my kids (said directly) and that I'm not teaching them to think for themselves (implied).

 

One of my best friends is an unschooler and until recently we never spoke about curriculum. Her kids are not as far along in math, reading, or writing, but they can cook, knit, fix things around the house, do nature studies, and excel at serious sports. They are impressive kids but not very academically focused, which is not surprising given that the parents are the same way. Recently her daughter told her she wanted to go to a charter school for high school. It's a STEM charter and she would need to take an algebra test to get in. Well she's not ready for algebra and so my friend asked me for advice on what to do. I gave her some pointers on books/models (from here, I've haven't taught my own kids Algebra yet!)  but soon realized she really didn't want my advice/options despite asking for them. She didn't feel comfortable with me telling her our plans and seemed upset my DS is on a track (for now!) for Algebra earlier than her DD.  My friend has decided her daughter will "pick it up on her own" and got her a book. It's a prose book about Algebra, not a textbook. I am very concerned about this upcoming test but I'm keeping my mouth shut and hoping it works out.

 

I really wish we hadn't talked about schooling and curricula and now it's the elephant in the room.

 

Sorry, I had to get this off my chest.  :blushing:

[8filltheheart]

  but soon realized she really didn't want my advice/options despite asking for them. She didn't feel comfortable with me telling her our plans and seemed upset my DS is on a track (for now!) for Algebra earlier than her DD. 

 

I really wish we hadn't talked about schooling and curricula and now it's the elephant in the room.

 

Unfortunately, this has been our experience many times now.  I no longer talk specifics with moms that have been homeschooling a while.   I cannot talk to my sister about homeschooling.....at all.    I learned a long time ago that she asks a question and doesn't want a real answer.   She wants affirmation of her POV.

 

[Farrar]

This is interesting that so many people have experienced a "don't talk curriculum" taboo.  One I've seen is there's a sort of taboo to talking about public school curricula - as in, "don't tell me what public school kids are doing because I don't want to compare."  But most homeschoolers I know seem curious about what products, games, books, etc. are out there that other homeschoolers enjoy.

 

There can be a thing with insecurity though, that's so true.  Or oversensitivity, as if you saying that something worked or didn't is somehow part of a competition.  Competitive homeschooling.  Ugh.  Who wants to do that?

[LiveforLaughter]

I'm an outsider for even homeschooling.  ;) There is a small homeschool group in our area, but it is religious and probably only has about 30 families. The only people I know who homeschool, in this area, are my own family. All of my friends kids are in PS.

 

 

[Maela]

Among homeschoolers in my area, I feel like an outsider because we're not Christian, because I'm happy with only two kids, because we "do too much at too young of an age."  I've also damaged my children by teaching them to read at four (even though they both were very interested in learning) and using workbooks.  We're not really classical but use SotW, FLL, and WWE.  , 

 

Almost all of the parents I've talked to at our homeschool charter are very into unit studies, and I just can't get into it.

 

 

ETA: oh, also wanted to say that I've experienced that whole "curriculum is hush-hush."  There are only a couple of moms I've been able to talk with about curriculum and not feel like I'm breaking an unspoken rule.  And they're not as knowledgeable as you all here, so...

[idnib]

Unfortunately, this has been our experience many times now.  I no longer talk specifics with moms that have been homeschooling a while.   I cannot talk to my sister about homeschooling.....at all.    I learned a long time ago that she asks a question and doesn't want a real answer.   She wants affirmation of her POV.

 

 

Is she a homeschooler with a different philosophy than you or ???

 

Sorry about your situation. 

[8filltheheart]

Is she a homeschooler with a different philosophy than you or ???

 

Sorry about your situation.

It really isn't about homeschooling philosophy. It is really more about how we view our children and education in general. She just sees education as a list of subjects to rush through to get to the other end and that all courses are equal and what you use/do doesn't really matter as long as the box gets checked off. I imagine our differences existing regardless of the "where's" of education taking place.

 

It isn't a problem now that I have learned not to engage. I listen and only give vague responses. Our families function very differently with very different interpersonal relationships. It is no different than lots of other topics where people appear to share core values bc of some label but when you really start discussing what the label means, you actually don't see a lot of commonality. We might be sisters that both homeschool, but those words don't really over lap any stereotyped reality.

[Heidi]

Nm

[MomintheMountains]

I haven't really experienced what has been described here. Since beginning our homeschooling journey, I have lived in two larger cities and two small towns in the midwest and southwest and have been involved in many groups and co-ops. Each has had a different atmosphere and focus, but none have had a "curriculum taboo". I find that moms usually enjoy discussing methodology and curriculum. Maybe it has something to do with the groups I have sought out?