Dun, dun, dun - and the saga continues. Tutoring student...

[Harriet Vane]

I'm not entirely certain that the mom shouldn't be reported. She sounds uncaring and neglectful.

 

I can understand why you've been worried about that poor little girl. :(

 

While the parenting doesn't seem the greatest, nothing Aimee has written is criminal abuse or neglect.

[AimeeM]

I don't know. Now I'm questioning my own sanity. Mom just said that the child has three bottles of the antibiotic, in her purse, which she had with her when she picked her up? I didn't see her purse all day. I know I looked in it yesterday. I think. Gah.

 

And no, I don't think it's criminal. Not something I'm comfortable with on any level, but doubtfully criminal.

[RanchGirl]

if you don't have any clothes she can wear, can you at least wrap her up in a blanket?  this poor child.

[AimeeM]

if you don't have any clothes she can wear, can you at least wrap her up in a blanket?  this poor child.

 

I covered her in a blanket when she slept on the couch and I heated up the car before we got in this morning. I'm sure my husband has some extra sweaters somewhere that she could wear, but I'm lost on the pants - and that's the part that would be cold and exposed walking in and out (and she can't go in a store wrapped in a blanket).

[Cinder]

 (and she can't go in a store wrapped in a blanket).

 

Yeah, she can. It's not any worse than going to the store in pajamas, which happens a lot around here.  :rolleyes: 

[AimeeM]

Yeah, she can. It's not any worse than going to the store in pajamas, which happens a lot around here.  :rolleyes:

 

Lol, I guess... but wouldn't her legs still be pretty exposed? And she would be mortified (really, she would be, knowing her personality).

[Seasider]

This lie (from the mom)...

 

was supposed to accomplish exactly this...

A lie like this is quite effective because you stop questioning the liar and start questioning yourself. It could have happened like she said, right? Wrong. Tell her you need the antibiotics in your hand before her daughter will be let inside your home.

Yes. Google gaslighting.

 

You need to check for everything BEFORE mom leaves the child. This driving away business is ridiculous.

[Seasider]

Sorry, double post

[Word Nerd]

Why would she send 3 bottles of antibiotics even if that were true?

[Anne]

Who would BUY three bottles of antibiotics???!!!

  :glare:

 

Anne

 

[AimeeM]

My husband's eyes crossed at that too. What doctor prescribes three bottles of antibiotics?

On that note, I *know*, without a doubt, that the one day she did come with the antibiotics, there were NOT three bottles in her purse. Maybe mom meant she has extras at home... but why and what doctor would give that? I have three kids - I'm no stranger to antibiotics. Even at my medically fragile kiddo's worst, he was never given three bottles of antibiotics.

 

My other concern - is she contagious if she hasn't been getting the properly prescribed doses, on target with the correct times? I know that even on what should have been day 5 of her antibiotics (Thursday, if she had been getting them since Sunday), she felt like crap (slept all day, coughing, didn't eat anything, etc).

[Chris in VA]

Can you not call her during the day? Can you not say "The antibiotics are not here ("they are in her purse")--Ok let me check the purse--the antibiotics are not in her purse" and "She needs a coat and pants--come bring them."

 

I can see her saying she can't leave work--my response would be, Well you are going to have to, because you need to pick her up, Toots.

 

I mean, if she were deathly ill, she'd be picking her up early.

 

My goodness. 

[AimeeM]

Can you not call her during the day? Can you not say "The antibiotics are not here ("they are in her purse")--Ok let me check the purse--the antibiotics are not in her purse" and "She needs a coat and pants--come bring them."

 

I can see her saying she can't leave work--my response would be, Well you are going to have to, because you need to pick her up, Toots.

 

I mean, if she were deathly ill, she'd be picking her up early.

 

My goodness. 

 

I don't know that she would pick her up ill. She usually brings her when she's ill. I will certainly try to call, but she ignores the majority of my texts, but when it suits her, so I'm not holding my breath that she would pick up.

[AimeeM]

I should clarify that if she brings her again without her antibiotics, or properly dressed, I plan on immediately addressing it - at all costs.

[TXBeth]

The other problem I see is that if the antibiotics were indeed in her purse all day, that means they weren't in the fridge and probably need to be replaced.

[AimeeM]

The other problem I see is that if the antibiotics were indeed in her purse all day, that means they weren't in the fridge and probably need to be replaced.

 

Valid. I'm not sure. It was pink amoxicillian liquid.

[AimeeM]

When I googled it, Amoxicillian (pure) doesn't need to be refrigerated - it's recommended to improve taste though.

[LMV]

My husband's eyes crossed at that too. What doctor prescribes three bottles of antibiotics?

On that note, I *know*, without a doubt, that the one day she did come with the antibiotics, there were NOT three bottles in her purse. Maybe mom meant she has extras at home... but why and what doctor would give that? I have three kids - I'm no stranger to antibiotics. Even at my medically fragile kiddo's worst, he was never given three bottles of antibiotics.

 

My other concern - is she contagious if she hasn't been getting the properly prescribed doses, on target with the correct times? I know that even on what should have been day 5 of her antibiotics (Thursday, if she had been getting them since Sunday), she felt like crap (slept all day, coughing, didn't eat anything, etc).

 

She's nine right?   If the physician she saw dosed the Amoxicillin appropriately to treat sinusitis and she can't swallow pills then it may take three bottles to have a sufficient volume of suspension to complete the course. Depending on how much she weighs (and how accomodating the pharmacy where her mom filled the prescription) is she might get away with two bottles.

 

As far as contagiousness, bacterial sinusitis generally isn't contagious.  If there was a preceding viral infection and the child is still contagious from that then there is that (but antibioitcs won't impact that aspect one bit). If she isn't improving clinically then that is a different issue and presumably her mother will represent her for re-evaluation.

[Tap]

Who would BUY three bottles of antibiotics???!!!

  :glare:

 

Anne

 

 

My husband's eyes crossed at that too. What doctor prescribes three bottles of antibiotics?

On that note, I *know*, without a doubt, that the one day she did come with the antibiotics, there were NOT three bottles in her purse. Maybe mom meant she has extras at home... but why and what doctor would give that? I have three kids - I'm no stranger to antibiotics. Even at my medically fragile kiddo's worst, he was never given three bottles of antibiotics.

 

My other concern - is she contagious if she hasn't been getting the properly prescribed doses, on target with the correct times? I know that even on what should have been day 5 of her antibiotics (Thursday, if she had been getting them since Sunday), she felt like crap (slept all day, coughing, didn't eat anything, etc).

I work in pharmacy.  There are times that kids are given 2 or 3 bottles of antibiotics if we don't have the right strength and need to substitute a lower strength (you have to give them double the normal volume), if we only have small bottles so we need to give more of the bottles to get the same volume, or if it is a longer dose (10 days vs. 7).  Three bottles is not common, but does happen.  Is is best to spread doses out evenly but it isn't that big of a deal if they are generally spread out over the day.  Like one in the am, one after she gets home, and one at bed.  

 

There was also mention about it being refrigerated.  Amoxicillin doesn't need to be kept in the fridge, it just tastes better if it is.  Amox, is the most common pink med, but there are others that may need to be.  You can check the bottle when you see it next to see if there is a refrigerate sticker. 

[Catwoman]

It still doesn't make sense to me that the kid would have all three bottles of antibiotics with her, unless she was on three different medications -- and it seems quite unlikely that a doctor would have prescribed three different antibiotics for her.

[Seasider]

I should clarify that if she brings her again without her antibiotics, or properly dressed, I plan on immediately addressing it - at all costs.

Might this involve packing up the child and delivering her to her mother's place of work? If she arrived at my home Monday morning sans antibiotics, underdressed, and still visibly ill, I'd be considering this. But that's just me.

[Chris in VA]

It must be so frustrating, to not have her respond! (And the "my goodness" at the end of my post was directed at her, not you, btw.)

 

I do recall a desperate mom--she lived for a short time in my apartment complex when I lived in FL. Ds was just a baby. She had three young kids. I often heard her yelling at her oldest, who was probably under 10, and had to do chores. One summer day, she showed up at my door with all three, neatly dressed, hair brushed nicely, and asked if I could take them and watch them that day while she went to work. She said she'd been absent so much because of them that she was going to lose her job (as a waitress, I believe). I took them, feeling a great deal of pity. 

 

The middle child, probably 4 or 5, was sick with a cold. She felt miserable. I called the mom after about 3 hours and asked her to pick them up as she was clearly not feeling well. IME, a mom always put her child first. In my SAHM, married-to-a-wonderful-man, have-all-I-need life...

 

I wish I could redo that whole situation, and help her find reasonable, reliable care, even if it wasn't me. I can see her now as a single, desperate mom, who wasn't coping well, loved her kids but was borderline abusive, just...stuck. (She'd even made a comment, in jest, but revelatory, about how she loved babies, but then they grow up.)

 

That's not the same as your situation, for sure, and I don't mention it to make you feel bad IN ANY WAY. I do NOT think you have handled this in a way that is wrong or negative or whatever.

 

I am just relating a story about a woman who may have been coming from the same place as your client--I don't really know. Being chronically desperate is not an excuse for the behavior, but it does help me understand and be merciful. Of course, the merciful thing is NOT to enable. It is most likely (actually, I'd say "clearly" at this point) NOT your role to guide her, but she does seem to need help from somewhere, and I hope she finds it. 

 

As I know you do--because you have shown yourself to be a compassionate and helpful person, Aimee.

[AimeeM]

I would do anything to help her find adequate care elsewhere, honestly. If she were to come to me tomorrow and say "Aimee, I hate that this didn't work out - could you help me place A elsewhere? Somewhere safe and pleasant?" - I would spend as much time as necessary trying to do that.

Unfortunately, that would include telling her the child needs to be in school, and she may not want to hear that. I feel like she's exhausted her resources for finding someone who will adequately educated her child for the amount of money she can spend.

 

I do so wish that I could have done this in a... kinder way. Unfortunately I know her well enough to know that had I acted the least bit hesitant, or too kind, she would have guilted me into continuing... and I would have fallen for it - hook, line, and sinker.

It must be so frustrating, to not have her respond! (And the "my goodness" at the end of my post was directed at her, not you, btw.)

 

I do recall a desperate mom--she lived for a short time in my apartment complex when I lived in FL. Ds was just a baby. She had three young kids. I often heard her yelling at her oldest, who was probably under 10, and had to do chores. One summer day, she showed up at my door with all three, neatly dressed, hair brushed nicely, and asked if I could take them and watch them that day while she went to work. She said she'd been absent so much because of them that she was going to lose her job (as a waitress, I believe). I took them, feeling a great deal of pity. 

 

The middle child, probably 4 or 5, was sick with a cold. She felt miserable. I called the mom after about 3 hours and asked her to pick them up as she was clearly not feeling well. IME, a mom always put her child first. In my SAHM, married-to-a-wonderful-man, have-all-I-need life...

 

I wish I could redo that whole situation, and help her find reasonable, reliable care, even if it wasn't me. I can see her now as a single, desperate mom, who wasn't coping well, loved her kids but was borderline abusive, just...stuck. (She'd even made a comment, in jest, but revelatory, about how she loved babies, but then they grow up.)

 

That's not the same as your situation, for sure, and I don't mention it to make you feel bad IN ANY WAY. I do NOT think you have handled this in a way that is wrong or negative or whatever.

 

I am just relating a story about a woman who may have been coming from the same place as your client--I don't really know. Being chronically desperate is not an excuse for the behavior, but it does help me understand and be merciful. Of course, the merciful thing is NOT to enable. It is most likely (actually, I'd say "clearly" at this point) NOT your role to guide her, but she does seem to need help from somewhere, and I hope she finds it. 

 

As I know you do--because you have shown yourself to be a compassionate and helpful person, Aimee.

 

[AimeeM]

Might this involve packing up the child and delivering her to her mother's place of work? If she arrived at my home Monday morning sans antibiotics, underdressed, and still visibly ill, I'd be considering this. But that's just me.

 

Knowing me, probably not.

 

[AimeeM]

She's nine right?   If the physician she saw dosed the Amoxicillin appropriately to treat sinusitis and she can't swallow pills then it may take three bottles to have a sufficient volume of suspension to complete the course. Depending on how much she weighs (and how accomodating the pharmacy where her mom filled the prescription) is she might get away with two bottles.

 

As far as contagiousness, bacterial sinusitis generally isn't contagious.  If there was a preceding viral infection and the child is still contagious from that then there is that (but antibioitcs won't impact that aspect one bit). If she isn't improving clinically then that is a different issue and presumably her mother will represent her for re-evaluation.

 

That makes sense. I think. I just don't recall my children ever being prescribed three bottles - but they've never been treated for sinusitis.

[Chris in VA]

I would do anything to help her find adequate care elsewhere, honestly. If she were to come to me tomorrow and say "Aimee, I hate that this didn't work out - could you help me place A elsewhere? Somewhere safe and pleasant?" - I would spend as much time as necessary trying to do that.

Unfortunately, that would include telling her the child needs to be in school, and she may not want to hear that. I feel like she's exhausted her resources for finding someone who will adequately educated her child for the amount of money she can spend.

 

I do so wish that I could have done this in a... kinder way. Unfortunately I know her well enough to know that had I acted the least bit hesitant, or too kind, she would have guilted me into continuing... and I would have fallen for it - hook, line, and sinker.

 

Pls don't beat yourself up--you DID do it in a kind way! It's not kind to enable.

 

Hope it all ends soon.  :grouphug:

[DragonFaerie]

I have been following this story with great interest.  I am appalled at this woman's lack of care or concern for her child!  When my children are ANYWHERE besides at home with me, I constantly monitor my phone in case they need me.  I cannot fathom ignoring texts from someone who is caring for MY CHILD.  What if there was an emergency?  What is my child was on the way to the hospital?  What if my child is just upset and needs Mama?  How can that woman just ignore you when you are caring for her child?  I realize ignoring the texts is just a small part of this woman's parenting failures, but geez!  Aimee, for the record, you are a saint for all you have already done for this woman and her daughter.  You should have absolutely no qualms about focusing on the needs of your own family now.  This woman obviously can not or will not learn from your example.

[AimeeM]

Well, she really only seems to ignore texts when A isn't here. She just isn't consistent, which is worrisome to me... and I have no back up numbers to call in case of an emergency.

Oddly enough, after the last set of texts, the child is appropriately dressed (although no coat, but she is dressed in pants and with a sweater and boots) and has her meds with her today, lol.

[Dashka]

I've been a silent watcher for this whole affair, due to everyone else giving all the advice needed. But I just had to say that I feel a tiny bit sorry for the woman... Can you imagine how confused she must be now that you're standing up to her? :D. Poor thing didn't know what she was getting into when she started treating you like a mat... She didn't realize that you weren't just on your own, but that you have an entire Hive behind you! I'm realizing the power of that strength :)

 

Go go Aimee! You're doing great!

[Jean in Newcastle]

Well, she really only seems to ignore texts when A isn't here. She just isn't consistent, which is worrisome to me... and I have no back up numbers to call in case of an emergency.

Oddly enough, after the last set of texts, the child is appropriately dressed (although no coat, but she is dressed in pants and with a sweater and boots) and has her meds with her today, lol.

Great!  14 more days. . . 

[DragonFaerie]

I've been a silent watcher for this whole affair, due to everyone else giving all the advice needed. But I just had to say that I feel a tiny bit sorry for the woman... Can you imagine how confused she must be now that you're standing up to her? :D. Poor thing didn't know what she was getting into when she started treating you like a mat... She didn't realize that you weren't just on your own, but that you have an entire Hive behind you! I'm realizing the power of that strength :)

 

Go go Aimee! You're doing great!

 

The Power of the Hive!!!  We should probably come with a warning label. :D

[AimeeM]

I've been a silent watcher for this whole affair, due to everyone else giving all the advice needed. But I just had to say that I feel a tiny bit sorry for the woman... Can you imagine how confused she must be now that you're standing up to her? :D. Poor thing didn't know what she was getting into when she started treating you like a mat... She didn't realize that you weren't just on your own, but that you have an entire Hive behind you! I'm realizing the power of that strength :)

 

Go go Aimee! You're doing great!

 

The Hive has done amazing things for me, I'll tell ya!

 

[AimeeM]

Great!  14 more days. . . 

 

That seems like an awfully long time...

[Jean in Newcastle]

That seems like an awfully long time...

Every day it gets smaller. . .     

[school17777]

Aimee,  Are you almost done watching the girl?  How's it going?

[Jean in Newcastle]

So was today  your last day?  Or is it tomorrow?  Or did things end earlier since your son has been sick?  

[Catwoman]

I've been wondering, too. I'm pretty sure that Aimee told us a while back that Thursday was her last day.

[AimeeM]

Apparently it's today (last day). She's here, I mean. Lol. It is the 15th, so I suppose the wording in my letter was up for interpretation. Mom has been really weird - some days not showing, then sending a text 30 minutes after A is supposed to be here, saying that she took the day off, was keeping A home, or something (oddly enough, things that she couldn't do before, even when the child was sick or had been sick). She has also been coming to get her early, not telling me about it, and I guess just assuming I would be home - even though I leave the house AT LEAST every afternoon, same time, to pick up Red from school, never mind other appointments etc.

 

So, today is the last day, lol.

[Seasider]

I hope all goes smoothly.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Apparently it's today (last day). She's here, I mean. Lol. It is the 15th, so I suppose the wording in my letter was up for interpretation. Mom has been really weird - some days not showing, then sending a text 30 minutes after A is supposed to be here, saying that she took the day off, was keeping A home, or something (oddly enough, things that she couldn't do before, even when the child was sick or had been sick). She has also been coming to get her early, not telling me about it, and I guess just assuming I would be home - even though I leave the house AT LEAST every afternoon, same time, to pick up Red from school, never mind other appointments etc.

 

So, today is the last day, lol.

If she shows up on Monday do not open the door!  (She may just choose to ignore it all and assume that you will suck it up and continue to take her daughter.)

[Wildcat]

I hope all goes smoothly.

 

Me, too.

[hillfarm]

Great that today is the last day, but be prepared for what might happen next week. Have some responses prepared and ready in case she shows up with the child in tow, expecting more time, in case she calls you in a panic for you to go get the child at some other location where things aren't working out, or she starts claiming you owe her something (money, those missing meds, the dd's lost jacket, whatever).

 

If it were me, I think I would screen calls and ignore her texts and emails until after Thanksgiving. If she learns that under absolutely no circumstances will you be pulled back into her crisis living, then she will leave you alone. But if she can give you a big sob story about how the poor child is at XYZ school or after school care and is sick, scared, crying, alone, etc. (with the veiled implication that it is YOUR fault for kicking her out) and how you are the only one in the world who can go and remedy the situation, then she will continue to abuse your concern for her child. If it's such a big deal, then she should be the one to go take care of it.

 

I have read this ongoing saga with great interest. But for the grace of God, I would have been in a similar situation. An acquaintance asked me if I would homeschool her dd, who was having terrible trouble in ps with bullying and being left behind academically. PTL I was so busy and stressed out at the exact moment she asked me, because I thoughtlessly and truthfully responded, "Are you kidding? They call it homeschooling because YOU do it in YOUR OWN HOME! I'll be glad to dig out a catalog or two if you want to look at the curriculum choices available to you."

 

Good luck with this. You have gone way beyond the minimum with all you have done so far. But things are at the point now where the mother needs to step up and take responsibility for her child.