Tell me about when you felt very stressed out and just wanted to quit homeschooling

[lynn]

I am at that point.  Maybe it's my age and hormones but I feel I just don't want to deal with it any longer. My kids are good but have their days as I posted last week.  I feel like even though I follow WTM and have put together a strong curriculumfor my kids it's not enough.  kwim.   They get outside interaction, they have friends.  I am just tired.  I want to do my own thing.  I want to go back to school.  Is that to selfish?    Tell me your story.  How did you push through?  Should I push through.  At what point do you have to be true to yourself and do what you feel is best for your kids?  Where's the balance or do you put them in school for a while and take a breather?   

 

Sorry for rambling.  Having a moment here.....

[Melissa in Australia]

:grouphug:

[alef]

Can you go ahead with school for yourself while still homeschooling, even if just one class at a time? I'm doing that, not because I really need to but because I want to.

 

As far as putting the kids in school goes, I think the answer would depend on your reasons for homeschooling, the quality of the local schools, and other factors. Many homeschoolers do put their kids in school at some point.

[marbel]

Can you go ahead with school for yourself while still homeschooling, even if just one class at a time? I'm doing that, not because I really need to but because I want to.

 

As far as putting the kids in school goes, I think the answer would depend on your reasons for homeschooling, the quality of the local schools, and other factors. Many homeschoolers do put their kids in school at some point.

 

This is about what I was thinking.

 

I have several times over the years felt that I wanted desperately to send my kids to school. (Private tutors being out of the budget.)

 

When that happens to me I think about the reasons we started homeschooling. Are those reasons still valid?  Yes.  Did anything change besides my attitude?  No.   Is homeschooling still the best thing for my kids?  Yes.  (Well, being perfectly honest, the answer is yes for one kid, but "not necessarily" for the other.  But presented with that choice, the other child said no to going to school. Since one would definitely not be going to school, I didn't force the issue.) 

 

So, knowing that, we go on homeschooling.  It is a choice we made, and it's still the right choice.  My personal feelings on a given day about what I'd rather be doing with my life don't matter.  (If that sounds too sacrificial, well... that's parenting, isn't it?)  If there is something I need/want to do that seems to conflict with homeschooling, I have to decide which is best for my family.   Or find a way to do both (as the pp suggested above). 

 

You may find that your reasons for homeschooling are no longer valid and it would be reasonable to send your kids to school.  (I can't imagine sending them to school "for a breather" and then taking them out  again - where's the continuity? - but I guess that might work too.)    Be honest with yourself as you examine this.  Then, come to a conclusion and don't look back.

 

:grouphug:

[*Lulu*]

I have this conversation with myself at least a few times a year. (Truth time, this year has been so hard with other life stuff I've had it a dozen times, out loud with DH, since the summer started.)

 

I've had to come at it from 2 directions:

 

Why am I feeling the urge to stop?

 

Why should we continue?

 

 

A couple years ago when this came up one of my reasons to stop was I could not keep up the amount of reading aloud *I* personally felt was appropriate. So we made a change and now I read a couple of picture books aloud each day to Bug, several times a week his siblings read him more, and we listen to all of our chapter books on audio.

 

We have an issue with our kids having very few, okay zero, friends in the neighborhood. We have had multiple conversations about how putting them in school would provide more social opportunities. This is not something I am able to easily fix, like the books. So I weighed it with our reasons for homeschooling, (special needs, quality of instruction/materials, educational philosiphy, etc.), and determined the pros out weighed the con.

 

I would encourage you to really look at your dissatisfaction. Is there a solution you haven't considered? Are the benefits of putting them in school out weighing the benefits of homeschooling? Only you can answer that.

[*Lulu*]

Another thought:

 

I have some founding documents for our homeschool from when Punk first started. (Goals for his future, a rough scope and sequence, some thoughts about education....) Returning to and re-reading these is very renewing for me. Sometimes I'll go a year without pulling them out; other times I'll pull them out twice in a month. (That would be the last time I counted how many years until Bug leaves for college!)

 

If you determine that homeschooling is what you are going to continue with, I would strongly encourage you to search out something that you personally find renewing. Maybe it is something small like re-reading goals. Maybe it is learning a new skill, volunteering once a month, setting a day aside for yourself to be home alone every few weeks, etc. Whatever will make a difference to you personally, seek it out and consider it important. The most awesome curriculum and cool manipulative items in the world are not as vital to homeschooling as a teacher who is energized and present.

 

In other words, Mom is people too!

 

((Hugs))

[marbel]

<snip>

 

If you determine that homeschooling is what you are going to continue with, I would strongly encourage you to search out something that you personally find renewing. Maybe it is something small like re-reading goals. Maybe it is learning a new skill, volunteering once a month, setting a day aside for yourself to be home alone every few weeks, etc. Whatever will make a difference to you personally, seek it out and consider it important. The most awesome curriculum and cool manipulative items in the world are not as vital to homeschooling as a teacher who is energized and present.

 

In other words, Mom is people too!

 

((Hugs))

 

That is beautiful.

 

I hadn't thought of this for a while, but I have a binder labeled "Homeschool Inspiration."  It is just a random collection of articles, pages of conversations from a now-defunct homeschool message board based on the idea of "identify-directed" homeschooling, and other stuff that helps me remember the good things about this lifestyle.  It really does help.  

 

I think it's time to pull it out now! 

[Night Elf]

This may not help completely, but can one of the older kids handle a subject with your youngest? That would be one less thing you'd have to worry about.

[Chris in VA]

I didn't push through.

 

I regret it.

 

I was dealing with some heavy family stuff, and gave up a lot at the time that really meant something to me, including homeschooling.

Had I been able to figure it out, I'd probably be homeschooling today, because giving up for one year and then not being able to solve or whatever the problems meant it snowballed to not ever homeschooling again.

 

I did the best I could--it is what it is--and all that crap.

 

I encourage you to follow the advice of those PP who said find something good for yourself and find a way to push through.

 

Not to say bm school is a terrible end--dd is doing well. 

 

But I still regret putting her there. 

[Murphy101]

I just suck it up. (((Hugs)))

 

Really though that's what I do. I know home schooling is best for us and I know I'm giving them a decent or better education.

 

I think in any job, people just feel that way after 10, 15, 20 years doing a job that had very little daily gratification sometimes.

 

But I am also enjoying being at a different phase of the game too.

 

I've lost a ton of weight and plan to continue to lose more. This makes me feel better emotionally and physically and gives me more energy.

 

I try really hard, because it is really hard, to make time to catch up with friends when I can. Schedule a coffee date with them if nothing else.

 

Pray more. I can't make it to church as much as I'd like, but make a conscious effort pray as I can. Even in the desert, a moment of solitude and reflection can be a balm to the spirit.

 

Find something different to do. Think big! I put in a huge garden in the front and back yards. (Huge is relative but considering I had never gardened before, anything not contained in one planter pot is huge to me!). I installed a pool and used it as much as I could.

[rieshy]

Oh, no, you are not rambling!!!  And by your siggy we are close to the same age/stage of life.  I feel EXACTLY that way. 

 

I have several friends my age IRL that have one or two in college with a last few at home still homeschooling.  We recently had a conversation about how we all felt "done" except we aren't.  It was very encouraging to me, in a backwards sort of way.

 

This has been a hard year.  For me- there is no choice, I cannot put my children in school because of my 7 yo's health issues.  I've got to finish this crazy race, but my takeaway after talking with my friends was not to beat myself up over no longer being dewey eyed.  There have been ups and downs before and I'm sure there will be ups and downs before my last kindergartner graduates.  I have decided to simplify this year.  I'm going back to basics this school year and am going to do a smaller schedule really well instead of spreading myself too thin.  

 

One thing I did 2 weeks ago was write down on one page my schedule, my homeschool schedule, my family's schedule- including all the kid's part time jobs, my husband's schedule my tutoring schedule and work I do for my husband's business schedule, and church schedule.  It was impossible- no real life person could have accomplished all that and maintain their sanity or even a modicum of civility.  No wonder I was failing at everything.  

 

I plan on making greater use of our tutorial next year for what next year will be my 10th grader and 7th grader (We've never started our kids in tutorial before high school before) because I need the help.  

 

I started taking martial arts with my teens this summer and will continue it- it's something fun we do together yet I've gotten into it in with a passion this fall I didn't expect.  It's turned out to be something for me.  It's unbelievably relaxing to be the Student and not the facilitator or teacher.  I swear they sprinkle something on the dojo mat that takes worry and stress away.

 

I've lowered my expectations as a homemaker, and gardener (I love to garden).  That may sound stupid to some but I'm a perfectionist- so having a bedraggled garden makes me insane.  This year I'm simplifying my garden so it can handle very little maintenance.  

 

I am still feeling my way out of the funk- hormomes don't help either, but starting taking iron did:)

 

Whether or not you decide to keep homeschooling is very personal but I second the poster who mentioned that having kids in school won't really net you all that much more time.  

 

Good luck!

[Alenee]

I changed a few things and feel very good about it. My curriculum wasn't working for my two younger kids so we found new things that DO work. I also took a CNA training class this summer and am working in the evenings. This has helped me so much! I find I'm more focused at home now. Lastly, I did put my eldest in school. She wanted to go to high school and I wasn't satisfied with the curriculum options in our price range. She is goal oriented and our high school is perfect for that. This is working for us. At times, I'm concerned the younger two aren't getting enough but I felt the same way about my eldest and the reality is, she's holding her own and doing quite well at the school.

 

I'm sorry you're feeling discouraged. :grouphug: I hope you get some inspiration from this thread.

[hillfarm]

I went through that crisis about this time last year. My dd was 14 and we were dealing with a lot of the relationship/separation stuff that moms and teen girls go through.

 

I realized that our schooling did not meet my standards for her education. She was skating through the subjects that came easily to her and seriously struggling in those that were hard for her. She knew how to manipulate me and how to distract me so that she could get out of doing hard work in a subject she disliked. Her work ethic was in the toilet.

 

Although I have always loved doing homeschool and had pegged a lot of my personal and our family identity to being homeschoolers, I realized that something had to change. Because my dd's education is more important to me than any social or political ideal. After a lot of tears and self examination, I decided to quit.

 

We started one of the online public schools. The learning curve was tough, but we are now in our second semester with it and doing fairly well. I am dd's fulltime mother and sometime friend, but no longer have to deal with the conflicts as her teacher. That was important to our relationship. She is getting used to public school accountability, pacing, and general logistics, which is a good preparation for her to be able to participate in our district's pseo/community college option for 11th and 12th grades.

 

However, I have found that I still can't get away from homeschooling! I am not satisfied with her learning in Spanish and Physics, so I told her this am that I will be "teaching" her those subjects with the online materials. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. We will also probably homeschool a short economics course next summer to fulfill one of those goofy state graduation requirements (she has already taken the personal finance course, but that didn't have the required amount of econ in it, so she can take a whole college course to get about 1/3 of a required credit, or we can do it as a homeschool course for 60 hours...)

 

It was really tough for me to admit that it was time for me to give up being a full time homeschooler. I have loved and fully embraced this lifestyle. But times and things change and IMO, it is important to honestly assess the situation and determine whether needs have changed and how best to meet them.

[Dana]

My son and I were having major clashes last year. I didn't feel I could put him in a traditional school because of his allergies, but he wasn't listening to me and I was getting angrier and angrier with him. I went on strike and stopped teaching him. I was going to put him in a virtual charter, but dh stepped up and chose to teach instead.

 

So for about 3 or so months, dh would come home from work and teach our son.

I don't think it have worked if it hadn't been dh's choice.

He got to see where some of my frustration was and ds's attitude improved over time.

 

:grouphug: it's a tough place to be.

[prairiewindmomma]

For me, when I really start to burn out, I:

1. remind myself of why we're homeschooling

2. read some inspirational material

3. take Fridays off entirely for a month to sew and craft

4. Start to reinforce lunchtime quiet hour again

5. make sure household discipline structure is in place (Am I following through with consequences or letting stuff slide because I'm tired?)

6. Text dh asking him to re-stock the chocolate shelf. (This is a code phrase whereby he not only buys me good Belgian chocolate, but starts making sure I get out on my own for time with friends, to exercise, etc.)

7. Let go of all of the extras and give myself some grace. School doesn't need to be perfect to be good. Gaps happen.

 

Usually for me, the perfect storm is life stress + kids testing limits + me feeling like I'm not doing enough (perfectionism trap). I'll add and add and add stuff until I can't carry any more of the burden and then I fall apart, feeling inadequate. The key for me isn't to load myself (and my family) up with too much stuff. I regularly sketch out all of our school schedule and to-do items into a daytimer type of schedule only to discover that I'm a special kind of crazy for thinking I can do it all. I can, for short bursts of time, but not at a sustained pace.

[gingersmom]

I don't think their is anything wrong with deciding homeschooling is no longer right for you.

 

We all began homeschooling for different reasons. My reason is 100% different than anyone else's. 

 

My daughter was home schooled for 2 years and was more than ready to go back to private high school where she is thriving. 

 

My son is in 8th grade (home for 7 years)  and probably should have gone back this year but we are making it work (some days are better than others) and he will be off to a private high school next year.

 

 

[Upward Journey]

I am at that point. Maybe it's my age and hormones but I feel I just don't want to deal with it any longer. My kids are good but have their days as I posted last week. I feel like even though I follow WTM and have put together a strong curriculumfor my kids it's not enough. kwim. They get outside interaction, they have friends. I am just tired. I want to do my own thing. I want to go back to school. Is that to selfish? Tell me your story. How did you push through? Should I push through. At what point do you have to be true to yourself and do what you feel is best for your kids? Where's the balance or do you put them in school for a while and take a breather?

 

Sorry for rambling. Having a moment here.....

I'm pushing through right now. This is year 16 of homeschooling. I'm tired. I want to be done. I have a 3rd grader so that's not really on the table at the moment. Lucky (or not) for them we moved to another country last year and I can't legally work OR go to school. If I could, I think they'd all be in b&m school this year, and I would get a part time job and start taking accounting classes.

 

Last year was a total.bust. as far as school goes. Granted we made a big move and we've all had to adjust to living in an apartment in a city, Dad coming home for lunch everyday and most of our books still being in the US, still even with all those things factored in, it should have been better. I think it just comes down to me being tired :( physically, but mostly mentally. It seems that most of my friends that have kids my age are starting on the next stage in life, I'm ready to do that too. I just can't seem to motivate myself to go that extra mile like I did with my older children.

[alef]

I'm not in a BTDT position, but I remember hearing SWB say that one of her children would have been better off going to high school (I think that was in an interview about teaching high school?) I also remember reading or hearing her say I think in the past couple years that she was taking a break of sorts by outsourcing most things. 

 

Which is to say, there's nothing wrong with re-evaluating and making changes along the way. 

 

When I think of sending the kids to school, though, I think of school schedules and homework and having to make sure everyone in the family meets a bunch of external requirements and demands and it just sounds exhausting.

[Upward Journey]

Oh, no, you are not rambling!!!  And by your siggy we are close to the same age/stage of life.  I feel EXACTLY that way.  My kids are 18, 16 and 11.  I married my hubby in 1990.     I notice your oldest are 17 and 19.  

 

For me, it is like I have done it with my oldest ones.  I did a good job.  I liked it.  But now I'm tired.  I think of all the energy it is going to take from my 11 year old and I'm just not sure I want to do it.  I'm tired of having to put my life on hold.  And not only do you have a 12yo but a 6yo.  You are going to have to do it for even longer than I am.  For me, I'm just not sure I can do this for another 7years.  You have 12 more years......

 

I don't have any answers and I will be listening to see what others say.  I, too, am ready to have my own life again.

 

 

This! EXACTLY this!

[T'smom]

That would be Right. Now.

[whitestavern]

When it got to the point where I felt my attitude towards homeschooling was affecting my ability to teach and/or parent well, I knew things had to change. DD had been asking to go back to school for a couple of years and I was a bit worried about just sending her off to high school without any "traditional" schooling, so off she went this year. I must say it's been the best thing for my daughter, my son (who's still at home) and myself. DD is very happy and doing very well at a local parochial school. DS and I are really enjoying school this year as well. Best of all, I am much less stressed and able to focus on ds. We're both really enjoying the homeschooling experience again. As homeschooling moms, in our heart of hearts I think we really know when it's time to quit. I know there were times on and off over the years where I was ready yo give up but didn't. This past year the feeling was just much more intense...enough to make a change. Hugs, and best of luck in whatever you decide.

[Pretty in Pink]

I don't even know.

 

I feel like this frequently.

 

We've been HSing for 11 years. I wonder if it's been a mistake sometimes, or if it's no longer the best fit for one child or another.

 

We live in a remote area with no options. There is one public school and no private schools.

 

And so, we go on.

 

I think my eldest would benefit from traditional school at this point. I wish we had more choices here.

 

I don't know what the answer is. I've been thinking about enrolling him for a few months now. I have all the paperwork lined up and ready to go. I just don't know what to do for him.

 

[Pretty in Pink]

I don't even know.

 

I feel like this frequently.

 

We've been HSing for 11 years. I wonder if it's been a mistake sometimes, or if it's no longer the best fit for one child or another.

 

We live in a remote area with no options. There is one public school and no private schools.

 

And so, we go on.

 

I think my eldest would benefit from traditional school at this point. I wish we had more choices here.

 

I don't know what the answer is. I've been thinking about enrolling him for a few months now. I have all the paperwork lined up and ready to go. I just don't know what to do for him.