WWYD re: a senior trip

[Seasider]

A student organization has a track record of making an out of the country service project trip each year in which the high school seniors participate. This is a much anticipated trip; kids start talking about it as 6th graders, dreaming and speculating about the destination. Every year to date it has been an international travel opportunity.

 

This year, one class member's parents are adamantly opposed to travel outside of the US. The mom in particular is very vocal about it. This is a tiger mom, her child must excel in everything and lives on a very short leash (that's not my opinion, it's long been observed and commented upon by many). They have been involved in this organization for several years and know the history of the international trip.

 

The other students are facing a conundrum. They have waited years for this travel opportunity, yet feel that to advocate for what they've expected will mean one member will not be allowed to go, and that due to the one person, the rest of the class will be made to take a domestic trip rather than an international one. This is especially disappointing because this group has historically done two trips ( an educational domestic trip the first year and an international service trip the next), and this year it was announced there would be only one trip, the second year trip. So they already feel short changed. Cost is not the issue.

 

I need help to see both sides if this issue. Let me know what you think.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I think that in this case the majority should rule.  I realize that one person will not get to go but hopefully later in his/her life they can travel abroad.  

[bettyandbob]

I would advocate for the international trip. This has been the expectation for years, there's no safety issue with how the trips have gone, there's no government safety concern. The issue is one parent's concern. One parent who doesn't reflect the group. I would not worry about the one missing student. That is a problem for her family to handle. If the class did a domestic trip she might not enjoy it anyway because her presence changed the program. There's also a chance of other students grumbling not quietly enough behind her back that the trip change is her fault. If that happens she might not go.

[Lara in Colo]

I vote for the international trip (as long as it is to a safe place) and to let the bitterness of losing out be directed on the mom,  not the child.

 

I would be afraid that otherwise, the child would have lots of guilt about her friends losing out and have several friends be less than nice about it towards him/her. 

[Harriet Vane]

Push for the international trip.

[BYE]

.

[Snickerdoodle]

International trip all the way!

 

 

[Word Nerd]

I would not change the plan to take an international trip just because of one family's objection. There's no guarantee that the parents will allow the child to go on the domestic trip either or that they wouldn't throw another fit unless they got their way. I feel bad for the kid to have to be at the center of the drama and to have to miss out, but it isn't the group's fault.

[jelbe5]

I agree that the majority should rule. Life is full of risks but I do not think decisions should based on fear alone. I also don't think one parent should have the power to make the final decision. If that parent has concerns then they don't need to participate.

[Little Nyssa]

I think it is kindness on the part of the majority of students to consider that their classmate would not be able to go, and to think about changing their plans for that person's sake.

But, I would want more information before I am sure what to think about the situation:

What is that one parent's objection? Is it fear for safety? Or racism? Or wanting to control what the whole group does? Is she afraid of child going without her-- then can't she go as a chaperone? (though I am guessing she is not much fun to be with!)

Could they compromise and go to Canada-- though perhaps there is not the same scope for service projects there as in other countries-- also I just realized I don't know if you are in the U.S. to start with.

[Starr]

I bet the child will be allowed to go if it ends up international. Or the mom will accompany the group. She won't really leave him out.

[gardenmom5]

there is a balance here - there are areas that I would be hesitant to send a child given the political situations.  but - if it's just a mom who wants to be a helicopter - I'm not sympathetic.  trip as planned.

 

only 1ds did a foreign trip.  he was really excited - and it did draw from the community/rotary club.  they prepped and shipped tens of thousands (possibly hundreds of thousands) of dollars worth of computer equipment for hospitals and schools.  this is now a country to which they will never go back.  the shipment was confiscated by customs.  the US State dept even ended up involved.  the supposition is the equipment ended up on the black market.  it was the first time this group planned a two-day stop-over in munich on the way home, and they desperately needed it after the fiasco of that trip.  all their hard work to donate to help schools and a hospital ended up going to line the pockets of thieves.

[Tap]

Depends on WHY the group goes where they go.  Sometimes, it seems like kid travel internationally for groups, that really make no sense other than to say...I went to Mexico to help the poor.   Honestly, if they put half of the money from the flight into a service project with reasonable airfare, no extra immunizations, passports, and mosquito nets....they would be able to make a bigger impact on a domestic project!

 

My son did a project in Haiti, but it was a specific project and it was with a group that was already planning the trip.  When I asked him later if he felt he would go on another international mission trip, he said he felt his time was of more use locally.  

 

 

Just because the group has always traveled internationally, doesn't mean they have to continue status quo.  That is unless there isn't another way to achieve the groups goals.  

 

 

I say either the leaders need to make a decision for the group, without ANY parents input.  OR they should put it up for vote with all the parents.  One parent should not sway the leaders decision or be of any more value than another parents.

[Halftime Hope]

The leadership that is planning the trip should announce that this year will be no different than previous years.  The trip will go as is customary.  If parents have ever been allowed to go, the mom could go along.  However, the leadership would need to set clear expectations and boundaries for her involvement.

 

The leadership could make it easier for themselves by planning a trip that goes to a very safe region of the world: Caribbean or central American countries come to mind.

[Seasider]

Thanks for your replies. Nyssa, your kind hearted reply is what many if the kids feel they have to do. But it's not what they want, not what they've anticipated. They are trying to decide just how hard to advocate for their out of the country experience.

 

From a parental perspective, I agree that there are just as many projects that could be done domestically. But I think there's great value in having our (dare I say silver-spoon raised?) kids lay eyes on the simple daily living conditions of the majority of the world's inhabitants. To be stretched out of their cultural comfort zone. To navigate an airport. To learn how not to be an Ugly American.

 

Patty Joanna, I enjoyed your cookie example. It's so true, being dedicated to certain ideals affects the way one lives. This situation is no different. You've given me a good talking point. My kid is asking me to get involved in this situation, and I think I will, I just want to be very diplomatic about it and speak very carefully.

 

As far as voting, the kids do vote on a destination, but I am afraid that they may be presented with a full domestic slate of options, so in effect a straw poll.

 

I appreciate everyone's thoughts, thanks.

[Night Elf]

If they change their plans for this one woman, they are giving her an enormous amount of power. She might be used to  getting her own way and I think she needs to realize that the world doesn't revolve around her family. I say push for the international trip. It's customary and depending on where they go, there may be no valid reason to change the trip regardless of what that woman says.