s/o: Are activities how homeschoolers 'socialize'?

[momacacia]

This is a s/o of "Are kids involved in too many activities?"

 

I have been wondering if activities are how homeschooled kids 'socialize,' versus the old fashioned playdate or having friends over. We passed the playdate age a few years ago with oldest dd, it seems, and we are more involved in music than sports as far as extra curriculars. Even the sports we've chosen so far (tennis) is an individual sport, while other friends play soccer and softball. So her only really 'group activity' outside our family is CC and Sunday school. We know a lovely group of girls from CC, but there doesn't seem to be a lot of having friends over going on. Birthday parties, yes, but not just come on over Thursday afternoon to play for 3 hours in our backyard or basement. Maybe we're too busy schooling? Or maybe sports and group Suzuki is where we socialize?

 

Is this how it's done? Kids don't actually play in backyards freely anymore, but just see each other at sporting events? Am I missing something? Are we outcasts because we don't get invited on playdates anymore? :laugh:

[NicAnn]

I think that's normal. We don't do a lot of playdates, though we do a lot of park days.

[Starr]

Invite people to your house. They'll be delighted. You can have the fun house and yard all the kids want to come visit. 

[catz]

I think it's a lot more work to individually fill your social calendar with one off play dates. Although, I absolutely love it when we do work it out. We do that sometimes. We also have a free form homeschool standing park day set, which is great. We live in a kid friendly neighborhood, although as kids age, they tend to be busier. There was a comment that kids don't make friends at their activities but that has been extremely far for the truth for us. My kids both have wonderful friends they've made through longer term activities.

 

So, for us, I would say it is a mix.

[JustEm]

As a kid, it was my responsibility to invite friends over to my house.  I'd call them on the phone, ask them if they wanted/could come over, and they'd ask their parents. If the parent said no because of no transportation I'd see if my parents would pick my friend up.  If it was no for some other reason then we'd either find a day that the parent was ok with or we'd leave it up in the air.

 

Some kids just don't think to call up another kid to hang out anymore from my experience. They rely on their parents to do that and in that case the parent is more likely to pick people they see regularly because they can just make arrangements during their kid's practice

[Carrie12345]

My daughters and the other girls on the block are finally at an age where they can all go out and ride bikes or play in the yards. Unfortunately, there weren't any kids here around oldest ds's age when he was homeschooled.

[Parrothead]

Luckily my friends have kids my dd's age so we all get together often.

[Arcadia]

Depends on the neighborhood. Where I stay, playdates are arranged during school recess by the kids themselves from kindergarten. So once older stop going to a brick and mortar school, both playdates and birthday parties invites stop. Most of my neighborhood homes do not have a backyard though.

 

ETA:

We are also not church goers and some play dates are arranged during Sunday schools and VBS.

[Ellie]

It can be. My dc "socialized" with each other and with their father and me :D but there was also church. I didn't do "play dates" (never even heard that term used for school-aged children until I started posting here, lol), but we did get together occasionally with friends--usually the whole family, not just the children--and there were neighbors.

[Joyofsixreboot]

For my older kids activities are where they see kids. We are in a rural area so the few families we know are miles away. Not convenient. I so seldom see kids outside playing I can count it on one hand. It makes me sad I can't just let them hang with friends but that seems to be the way it is. At least in our world.

[Tess in the Burbs]

Kids are too busy regardless of school choice. I invite people over. But it's less often b/c no one has 2 hours to just play.

 

But my dd has school friends and they are busier than we are-not having play dates. It's weekend sleepovers.

 

But I agree...people do the activities but not the one on one friendship time

[mumto2]

My kids socialize with people of all ages. Some of Dds favorite friends are in their eighties and belong to her patchwork group. She is also a magnet for the under five set.....she will definately run Sunday School at church in the future! Same for ds, his friends span the decades age wise.

 

For same age friends we do meet them through activities via home ed groups and church. I generally organize their meetings but distance is a big factor there. Many groups have regular meets for the younger set and we have started including the bigs more.

[mom31257]

Activities are mainly how my kids socialize, but I include church in that, too. My ds has a best friend right across the street. My dd doesn't have friends who live nearly as close as that. She has two main group of friends, her church friends and her homeschool friends. The homeschool friends mostly live 30-45 minutes away, so she shes them at her Spanish class and co-op classes. We always stay after Spanish for socializing because the Spanish teacher has tea for all us moms afterward. I guess that's a pre-arranged social time, so maybe that counts as a playdate.

 

Playdates otherwise are something that don't happen for us much, either. I don't consider us to be outcasts. Ds and the friend across the street play together several days a week, but I don't really count that as an arranged playdate since they live so close. For dd, she is able to communicate with her friends through her ipod and laptop a great deal, and since she shes them on a regular basis, I'm not sure she feels a need to get together separately.

[GSOchristie]

Mine are little, but I specifically call a parent and invite the kid over if Asher wants to play with them.  Most of the parents I know don't want kids over at their house because having an extra kid the ages of my kids is a lot of extra work.  I am willing to do it once a week when school is in session, more in the summer.  But it seems from what I read on here, as the kids age they are friends with their teammates or Scout groups or co-op members.  My best friends have kids the same ages of my kids, so I will invite them over once a week as a family, I talk to the mom and our kids play.  But like someone said, socializing is just done whenever, wherever, at the grocery store, at a nursing home, at the library.

[MommaOfalotta]

Dd socializes the most in church. She has a ton of cousins and they play outside after services, and she has gone to their house and swam during the summer. She just adores them and I'm so happy she has cousins to grow up with, like I did. She also has friends in co-op. I don't see her talk to her "friends" much. I mean I know she must talk to them at some point because they seem to like her but shes just a shy one sometimes.

 

I think Dd needs to see people more often or for longer periods (maybe even one on one) to get used to them, and to get talkative around them. So for us I think play dates will help. I agree with you on it being hard to plan something like this.

 

Now, for the kids who have no problem talking and making new friends, these co-ops and actitivies can be great. Although for some activities you really aren't allowed much time to socialize, just like PS. Example: Gymnastics, Ballet, Tball... anything we have had dd in. Oh the kids would talk and horseplay but they were supposed to be listening. Dd is a by the book kind of gal and wants to listen to the teacher and not goof off (not at home, mind you ;) ) So basically what I'm rambling on about comes down to this: Some kids can socialize just fine in extra currics while other children need more of a one on one, or more time to warm up to someone.

 

 

ETA: Dd socializes the most with family. My mom alone has 12 brothers and sisters, plus their kids, and their kids.. and their kids.. so there are cousins everywhere.

[GSOchristie]

I also think it depends on you kid's level of extroverted-ness.  My six year old THRIVES on being around lots of other people, the more the merrier, so I feel like I need to either get him out there where the people are, or have the people over here.  My four year old gets a little overwhelmed with too much of other people, so he will be content to just chill at home with his TMNT :).  

[Luckymama]

When dd started homeschooling at age 10 she was already past the age of play dates and into the age of sleepovers. During the school year she has a sleepover, either here or at another house, once or twice a month. Summer is a bit trickier with varying vacation times, though kids will get together to swim a few times a month. Play dates when she was in private school were at first arranged by the other parent and me (while waiting for pick-up), then we switched to dd calling another child or vice versa as someone up thread mentioned.

 

Dd's friends are from her activities (ballet, Lego League, and formerly Scouts). There are no girls in this neighborhood near her age anymore after one moved back to Iceland. The neighborhood is crawling with boys!

[Mommyof4ks]

I think that is true. Maybe you can be the field trip coordinator for CC. We did some park days and such with CC friends. Once dd entered Challenge we stared having sleepovers.

[Dmmetler]

Activities are definitely how we make social connections. I will say, though, that actual unstructured PLAYTIME with other kids happens because I'm the "easy mom" who is willing to let your 4th grader get off at the bus stop near my house after school, walk to my house and spend a few hours with DD in the back yard before I drive the girls to tumbling class, and drop your DD off at your house on our way back. One thing we found is that, in our area, a majority of the kids are doing extended day at school and then their parents pick them up and take them to sports practice or whatever. They're simply not HOME to play after school hours. By being able and willing to occasionally take one of these kids for that after school time, DD gets the social time she needs and the parents (and kids) think I'm great.

 

For homeschooled kids, I host interest groups at my house which are partly educational, but also partly a chance for the kids to play and socialize-so I end up with a bunch of Gods and Goddesses battling in my back yard, while another group paints canopic jars and death masks, and a third builds scenes with legos (that's what I had yesterday, for example), and moms (plus our one classical homeschool dad) chat. That gives BOTH DD and I social time.

 

But in both cases, I've found I have to be the one who puts it out there and makes the effort.

[morganvicky98]

No, not at all. In today's day and age where creativity rules, you need to be creative in parenting as well. Look for and even develop your own scenarios for your children to socialize. Bear in mind that kids have varying social needs.

[Gentlemommy]

My dd is the same age as yours and we still do 'play dates'!! Well, they are inclusive 'family dates' lol. My best friends are also homeschoolers and we get together (well, not anymore, we just moved out of state :-() at least twice a week. Just to play. Moms chat and drink coffee or tea, kids play for hours. Sometimes we meet at each others house, but mostly we go to the park, the lake, science center, ect. I am a huge believer in kids having PLAY time. I do not want all of my kids socializing to be structured class type things. I don't think they even have the opportunity TO socialize there.

[Wabi Sabi]

It's partially how they socialize, but mostly activities are ways to explore their interests. That said, they've made many good friends in their various classes/activities. We frequently socialize with quite a few of the kids in their activities outside of class time as well: park days, playdates, sleepovers, field trips, etc. They also play with the neighborhood kids in the afternoons and on weekends.