Kinda JAWM... I can't believe what I heard as the opening "speech" at a friend's son's 1st grade graduation..

[Um_2_4]

OK, putting the whole grade promotion ceremony thing aside....that needs its own topic...

The introduction was given by one of the teachers and he was reading a poem, and part of it was about "the parents are in a panic" the kids are home for the summer, they don't know what to do, kids are in to trouble, making messes and parents pulling out their hair (paraphrasing there, but this went on for a whole stanza, you get the idea). This was not a joke poem (there were some one liners in it), but most of it was kind of serious, like about friends made, field trips they went on, thanks to the teachers, saying goodbye to those kids moving on to junior high, etc.

I was kinda miffed, this is a pet peeve of mine. All those "woe is me, my kids are home for the summer" blogs and news articles are irritating enough. This was read in front of all the students and families and parents actually clapped, nodded their heads and laughed when this part was read. How is this encouraging parent/child closeness/bonds ??

I totally understand some parents have to work and it can be a struggle to find care for them, I get that, it is the attitude that irks me. If I was in those shoes (working and needing day camps, etc) I would totally play it up as "WOW, what fun you are going to have this summer. I am so glad you get to go try this movie/robots/gymnastics camp this year. and I'm going to try to work out some time just for us (day trip, day off at home with a film festival ,etc)." Not "Oh man, now I need to find someone to take care of you... oh no".

DH thought I took it personally, I told him, no I'm just really sad for those kids having to listen to this.

[nmoira]

OK, putting the whole grade promotion ceremony thing aside....that needs its own topic...

The introduction was given by one of the teachers and he was reading a poem, and part of it was about "the parents are in a panic" the kids are home for the summer, they don't know what to do, kids are in to trouble, making messes and parents pulling out their hair (paraphrasing there, but this went on for a whole stanza, you get the idea). This was not a joke poem (there were some one liners in it), but most of it was kind of serious, like about friends made, field trips they went on, thanks to the teachers, saying goodbye to those kids moving on to junior high, etc.

I was kinda miffed, this is a pet peeve of mine. All those "woe is me, my kids are home for the summer" blogs and news articles are irritating enough. This was read in front of all the students and families and parents actually clapped, nodded their heads and laughed when this part was read. How is this encouraging parent/child closeness/bonds ??

I totally understand some parents have to work and it can be a struggle to find care for them, I get that, it is the attitude that irks me. If I was in those shoes (working and needing day camps, etc) I would totally play it up as "WOW, what fun you are going to have this summer. I am so glad you get to go try this movie/robots/gymnastics camp this year. and I'm going to try to work out some time just for us (day trip, day off at home with a film festival ,etc)." Not "Oh man, now I need to find someone to take care of you... oh no".

DH thought I took it personally, I told him, no I'm just really sad for those kids having to listen to this.

 

I'll admit to being baffled by these kinds of sentiments. We all have challenges, we benefit from bonding over these and shared experiences, and we are creatures of ritual. There's a reason those parents are nodding; not because they are demonstrating a lack of love for their children, but because the challenge of a disruption of the status quo is something they can identify with. You're not part of that club, but think about the threads here about getting back to schooling after a break. *gasp* Or about kids fussing over math lessons. Or any of the dozen or so common complaints/vents on these boards. We share those frustrations and challenges, no? Does that mean we shouldn't be homeschooling or that we don't love our kids enough to never be frustrated? Um, no.

 

ETA: I just noticed the JAWM part. I'll delete if you like... But I just don't think one need be sad for the kids over the comments made. :)

[Petrichor]

Incredibly distasteful reading that in front of the kids. OR in front of the parents for that matter. Saying stuff like that in front of kids tells them it's ok to act up and that their parents can't handle them. AND it tells the kids that their parents can't handle them/don't want to and just want to "deal with" the kids.

 

Reading stuff like that to parents encourages the "kids are annoying/a bother" mindset, which I do believe is harmful.

[Butter]

Totally distasteful and innapropriate (1st grade graduation? wow...). I have a feeling some of the parents probably agreed with the sentiments unfortunately, but I bet a lot didn't. At least 1 in 3 of my public schooling FB friends post stuff like that (some of them have kids old enough to be on FB and read those statuses, sometimes even responding to them!). BUT 2 in 3 are so happy to have their kids home for the summer. The teachers probably thought it was funny. And it might have been in the right situation. In front of kids like that, not so much.

[BakersDozen]

We've witnessed this IRL - parents talking this way in front of their precious dc who are squirming and trying to look like they don't hear/notice. It is so sad.

[NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too]

Incredibly distasteful reading that in front of the kids. OR in front of the parents for that matter. Saying stuff like that in front of kids tells them it's ok to act up and that their parents can't handle them. AND it tells the kids that their parents can't handle them/don't want to and just want to "deal with" the kids.

 

Reading stuff like that to parents encourages the "kids are annoying/a bother" mindset, which I do believe is harmful.

 

 

It also encourages that mindset that says, "your children are leaving the care and guidance of the "professionals" and venturing into the unsure hands of the amateurs (you)."....

[Um_2_4]

I am not talking about if those feelings are truly had or not, valid or not, nor how many of the parents really agreed or just clapped to go along with the crowd.. My thing is reading that out loud to a room full of kids and parents....And as others posted the message it sends

If we moms want to get together (virtually or IRL) to commiserate with one another over struggles after a break or in math lessons, that is one thing. Saying it out loud in front of the kiddos...? Different ball game there.

[unsinkable]

I will just agree with you. :-)

 

Does Um mean mean Mama?

[bettyandbob]

I dunno. I guess I agree with your dh. I've worked full time, I've stayed home full time and I've worked part time.

 

The intent was probably more silly than you thought.

 

As another poster said change in routine is stressful. Planning a whole summer of activities is hard. Imagine trying to find 7-8 weeks of day camps that are run well, that you can afford, that your child will enjoy. Imagine redo going your work schedule weekly because of the timing of different camps and locations. Or trying to get a shortened wor week when you know there's a big project coming up. So, when dealing with the day amp thing your schedule and your child's routine changes weekly. That's hard.

 

even if you want to be with your dc more, it can be very hard to figure out what to do with a special few days or week. If it's not in your routine, you and your child are dealing with something new. New is special, but new is also hard. Of course astray at home parent doesn't run out of her house at 10am wondering what to do the rest of the day. There's a routine. The kids know what's next. Children respond well to predictability and routine, but so do adults.

[PrairieSong]

I am not talking about if those feelings are truly had or not, valid or not, nor how many of the parents really agreed or just clapped to go along with the crowd.. My thing is reading that out loud to a room full of kids and parents....And as others posted the message it sends

If we moms want to get together (virtually or IRL) to commiserate with one another over struggles after a break or in math lessons, that is one thing. Saying it out loud in front of the kiddos...? Different ball game there.

 

 

I agree. Totally inappropriate to be saying all that in front of the kids.

 

[Alexigail]

I would be bothered by it too. I know that these are real issues parents face and real feelings. I'd love to see more support for parents, especially those who have children with special needs who depend on their routines etc. But I agree this was neither the time nor the place for those kinds of things. Kids shouldn't be made to feel like a burden and parents shouldn't be made to feel helpless.

[Um_2_4]

Again, I totally understand about the feelings/issues some parents deal with of scheduling, changes in routine, finding affordable care. THAT is not the issue I have. Especially for my friends who have kids with special needs, etc. She has a real struggle in the summer (and she stays at home) so I GET it.

 

It is the public commentary about kid/parent relationships......How parents don't know to parent their own children and only the "school system" can do it for them....

[Heather in Neverland]

It also sends the message that school being out for summer is good for kids, bad for parents ... But school back in session in the fall means happy parents and crabby kids. Is that really the message we want to send our kids? That learning = misery?

[gardenmom5]

that riled me even with my olders who went to ps. I think it's that there are women who can't handle kids. I've occasionally wanted to ask women who say such things, why did they have kids?

[Um_2_4]

Does Um mean mean Mama?

 

 

Yes it does... Mom to 4....LOL

[MFA323]

In a lot of ways I understand the sentiment. I'm home with my kids all the time, but I'm sure it would be a shock to have the kids in school seven hours a day during the year and then home 24/7 for the summer. The big problem here is that it was said in front of the kids. It's one thing for moms to vent and bond over coffee while the kids run around in the yard. It's another thing to say it to the kids directly.

[PrairieSong]

 

 

Yes it does... Mom to 4....LOL

 

 

You have FOUR kids? FOUR??? Oh my gosh, how do you stand it??? (Be sure to look at my sig line).

[Sparkle]

Yes, this attitude bothers me, too. I had a clerk at the supermarket telling me about their great new shop-at-home service so "you don't have to bring your kids with you and having them asking you for stuff while you're trying to shop" in front of my dd. I'm thinking, "My dd rarely asks for anything, and she is my HELPER, not an annoyance." I get it, I know when kids are little it's a pain to have to pack them into their car seats, etc. when all you need is to run to the store for a gallon of milk, but I wish people wouldn't have the attitude that kids are automatically a a burden. I've trained my kids to be good helpers and I frequently get compliments on them, and they are a blessing to me. Anyway, those types of comments are not appropriate in front of kids.

[beaners]

That sort of thing annoys me too.

[PrairieSong]

Yeah what is with the sentiment that children and parents are supposed to find each other annoying and impossible to live with. The only real living happens when you are away from each other.

 

People must think I'm out of my ever living mind for voluntarily spending more time with my kids than what is typical.

 

 

I'm out of my ever livin' mind and have been for decades. It's wonderful.

[PrairieSong]

Yes, this attitude bothers me, too. I had a clerk at the supermarket telling me about their great new shop-at-home service so "you don't have to bring your kids with you and having them asking you for stuff while you're trying to shop" in front of my dd. I'm thinking, "My dd rarely asks for anything, and she is my HELPER, not an annoyance." I get it, I know when kids are little it's a pain to have to pack them into their car seats, etc. when all you need is to run to the store for a gallon of milk, but I wish people wouldn't have the attitude that kids are automatically a a burden. I've trained my kids to be good helpers and I frequently get compliments on them, and they are a blessing to me. Anyway, those types of comments are not appropriate in front of kids.

 

 

I had my three young daughters with me in a store once, years ago. The littlest was in the cart and they were all happy, but an older woman came up to me and started saying, "Oh honey, I know how HARD it is. It will get better...". And on and on. It was really funny. I assured her that I was fine...and I did not tell her I had a little boy at home, too. Later we had three more kids. I think some people assume everyone who has young kids is suffering all the time. Sure, it's hard work and you have bad days sometimes, but there is so much JOY in being a mom. I always looked forward to summer break, the three years that our oldest two attended school.

[AK_Mom4]

I will agree with you. Completely!

 

I am greatly enjoying having three kids "home" for the summer and am looking forward to having the oldest back here when he gets his break later in July. We have lazy mornings and busy afternoons - just the opposite of our school year routine. Lots of games and laughing and even a few house projects are getting done.

 

And - yes - I did enjoy summers even when they were all younger and the older ones were in public school. Summer was always SOOOO much easier than keeping up with the school-day hectic schedule!

[Um_2_4]

:lol: :lol: Ya gals crack me up sometimes! I get the same comments at stores about "lugging" all 4 (how shocking :tongue_smilie: ) kids around. They are my helpers also. Should have seen us out when the twins were babies. I had that double snap and go, DS (6-7 at the time) would push the shopping cart, we were like a parade in stores. Many older people were like "how wonderful", "they are such good helpers" ,etc. Usually positive. Other commentators not so much.

 

Even my friends who have 4-5 kids, act shocked about "how I can possibly homeschool them all", "surely you'll send DS oldest to school when he hits x grade or now that the twins are getting ready for Kg" etc.... etc....IN FRONT OF MY KIDS.....

 

I guess that is my pet peeve... IN FRONT OF THE KIDS....

[gardenmom5]

Yes, this attitude bothers me, too. I had a clerk at the supermarket telling me about their great new shop-at-home service so "you don't have to bring your kids with you and having them asking you for stuff while you're trying to shop" in front of my dd.

ah - for the wusses who can't say "no" to a child. stores loves those types of parents, they make lots of money off of them.

[Luanne]

Even if it was meant as a sort of joke. Small children (yes, 6 and 7 year olds are small children) won't necessarily take it that way. They still take things pretty much literally. I think as a child that would have made me feel very unwanted.

[freeindeed]

I agree with you. :)

[G5052]

Yes, I never like this type of thing either.

 

Mine are teens, so of course everything I hear is about how horrible they are. They are teens. Pure, and simple -- deal with it. I sort of like mine, even when they're being irritating.

[Luanne]

 

Truth be told at 6 or 7 I probably would have zoned out and not heard a word of it. LOL

 

But as a parent, I don't appreciate it.

 

 

Now that I think about it, I probably would have too from being trained to do so sitting through long church services. My daughter on the other hand would have totally picked up on it. She was very aware of everything from a very young age.

[musicianmom]

I like to shop without my kids because my oldest doesn't stop talking, my youngest is slow moving, and my middle likes to pick at her siblings. I end up taking twice as long because I can't concentrate.

[JennifersLost]

I can't stand those kind of commercials and messages, either. I always loved having my children around me and even when they were a pain it the patootie I never wanted to foist them off on a school district. I think it's pretty inappropriate in that kind of a speech, but then...maybe that's the way the speaker feels about kids. I guess our kids are going to hear all kinds of things we don't like. View it as an opportunity to talk to your own child about how that's NOT the way you feel and you're a little sorry for those that do feel that way.

[Um_2_4]

I can't stand those kind of commercials and messages, either. I always loved having my children around me and even when they were a pain it the patootie I never wanted to foist them off on a school district. I think it's pretty inappropriate in that kind of a speech, but then...maybe that's the way the speaker feels about kids. I guess our kids are going to hear all kinds of things we don't like. View it as an opportunity to talk to your own child about how that's NOT the way you feel and you're a little sorry for those that do feel that way.

 

My DS9 and I actually had a heart to heart last night that was partially prompted by this speech and by the behavior of some of the kids. One of his friends goes there and he was with his "school friends" and behaving in a way that neither DS nor I approved of (kind of shocking actually). So I was pleased with how DS talked about it and his attitude... so good mom/son night overall.