TranquilMind Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 I would like to thank everyone for the advice that I have recieved, we talked last night and he has left the house. I told him I would change the locks in 3 days so he had time to get his stuff out. The kids and I are at my moms house for the next 3 days while he is getting his stuff. There was no yelling he said he was wrong and he understands why I want him out. I don't know what my next steps are but I am just going to take it one day at a time. I am taking my son and daughter to their doctor to figure out the type of help they need to get through this on Monday, and we will just go from there. Thanks again everyone for your supportive words. It makes me a little nervous that you are leaving the locks unchanged for three days. I hope you make sure that you are NOT alone at home during this time (with only the kids). I used to work at the Prosecutor's office, and well....just don't be alone if you leave the house available to him. A better move would be to put all of his stuff in the garage and he can have access to only that (unless garage is attached to the house). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brilliant Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 It makes me a little nervous that you are leaving the locks unchanged for three days. I hope you make sure that you are NOT alone at home during this time (with only the kids). I used to work at the Prosecutor's office, and well....just don't be alone if you leave the house available to him. A better move would be to put all of his stuff in the garage and he can have access to only that (unless garage is attached to the house). She said she & the kids are staying with her mom for those 3 days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 It makes me a little nervous that you are leaving the locks unchanged for three days. I hope you make sure that you are NOT alone at home during this time (with only the kids). I used to work at the Prosecutor's office, and well....just don't be alone if you leave the house available to him. A better move would be to put all of his stuff in the garage and he can have access to only that (unless garage is attached to the house). :iagree: I know you're staying at your mom's house, but if you go back for something, don't go alone. Also, please be sure you didn't leave any important paperwork, cash, or valuables in the house. I know you probably think he won't steal anything that isn't his, but when relationships break up, people can get very greedy, very quickly. And if there are joint bank accounts, have them frozen immediately. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 She said she & the kids are staying with her mom for those 3 days. Oh, ok. I must have missed that in the thread. I hope she does not go back alone. Pissed-off, desperate men (or people) are dangerous. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 :iagree: I know you're staying at your mom's house, but if you go back for something, don't go alone. Also, please be sure you didn't leave any important paperwork, cash, or valuables in the house. I know you probably think he won't steal anything that isn't his, but when relationships break up, people can get very greedy, very quickly. And if there are joint bank accounts, have them frozen immediately. Don't have them frozen. Take the money out! At least half, and now. If he drains it first, she won't get anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagle Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 I had tears welling up reading your latest post. I am SO relieved you made your decision so quickly and acted upon it right away. You are so brave and your children will know that they are your number one priority. GOOD FOR YOU!! I'm so proud of you. *hugs* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 :grouphug: Hugs to you and your kids as you go forward. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 I wouldn't count on finding your stuff there or in very good condition when you get back. Someone who leaves peacefully can change their tune pretty fast after thinking over what is happening. I agree that you should not go back alone and you should get out anything that is irreplaceable/valuable to you and withdraw half of any joint accounts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 If a guy doesn't adore your kids damn near as much as you do, he's no use at all. :iagree: When my mother was single and dating, hoping to find a life partner, her mantra was, "Love me, love my kids." I would like to thank everyone for the advice that I have recieved, we talked last night and he has left the house. I told him I would change the locks in 3 days so he had time to get his stuff out. The kids and I are at my moms house for the next 3 days while he is getting his stuff. There was no yelling he said he was wrong and he understands why I want him out. I don't know what my next steps are but I am just going to take it one day at a time. I am taking my son and daughter to their doctor to figure out the type of help they need to get through this on Monday, and we will just go from there. Thanks again everyone for your supportive words. I'm so glad you and your kids got out. Please don't be tempted to give him another chance, if he tries to talk you into it. He already had another chance and he blew it. Things will not change. Best of luck to you. You are doing the right thing for yourself and your kids (even the ones you had with him). :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 I would like to thank everyone for the advice that I have recieved, we talked last night and he has left the house. I told him I would change the locks in 3 days so he had time to get his stuff out. The kids and I are at my moms house for the next 3 days while he is getting his stuff. There was no yelling he said he was wrong and he understands why I want him out. I hope all goes peacefully, but some abusers would take this opportunity to trash the house out of spite. I'm glad you're kids are away, and I wish you the best in getting them what they need. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scrub Jay Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 Great news. And, yes, please be extra safe these next three days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dtsmamtj Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 I had tears welling up reading your latest post. I am SO relieved you made your decision so quickly and acted upon it right away. You are so brave and your children will know that they are your number one priority. GOOD FOR YOU!! I'm so proud of you. *hugs* :iagree: :hurray: :hurray: :hurray: :hurray: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hot Lava Mama Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 You have reason to be incredibly proud of yourself right now. Many, many women would choose to ignore this, think it will be better, pretend it isn't as bad as you thought, etc. You are doing the right thing. We are all rooting for you! Times will be rocky for a while, but you will look back and be grateful you had the courage to do this. You are awesome! Your kids will now see you as a hero and an angel! :) Hot Lava Mama Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alexigail Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 Best wishes for you all. It's obvious that you're a very strong woman. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beaners Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 Oh, ok. I must have missed that in the thread. I hope she does not go back alone. Pissed-off, desperate men (or people) are dangerous. Without sounding too scary, yes, please be careful. A very good friend of mine disappeared six years ago, on the night she was signing divorce papers. Her son's custody was eventually awarded to her abusive ex-husband. You're doing the right thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 I would like to thank everyone for the advice that I have received, we talked last night and he has left the house. I told him I would change the locks in 3 days so he had time to get his stuff out. The kids and I are at my mom's house for the next 3 days while he is getting his stuff. There was no yelling he said he was wrong and he understands why I want him out. I don't know what my next steps are but I am just going to take it one day at a time. I am taking my son and daughter to their doctor to figure out the type of help they need to get through this on Monday, and we will just go from there. Thanks again everyone for your supportive words. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Well done!! Be strong! Don't back down!! You can get through this!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charcat13 Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 That is wonderful news. Stay safe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grover Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 Do you have to give him three days free reign in the house? Is there someone (bigger than him) who could be there? Or could you sort out his stuff and have it available for him? Please keep safe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 Please have someone with you when you return to the house, just in case. :iagree: The police will be happy to escort you to your house and make sure everything is safe if you give them a call and explain the situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 :iagree: The police will be happy to escort you to your house and make sure everything is safe if you give them a call and explain the situation. Be careful with police involvement depending on whose names are on the ownership/lease of the house or even just the fact that he's lived there. Depending on your local laws, if he refuses to leave they can't make him, assuming he hasn't committed some crime, and you can get in trouble for doing things like changing locks. And if police are there when he refuses to leave, so you decide that you must leave, he can refuse to let you take anything from the house but emergency necessities (clothes, toiletries, medicine), enforceable by those kind police officers you called. Find out about that kind of stuff before you find yourself in that position. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 Be careful with police involvement depending on whose names are on the ownership/lease of the house or even just the fact that he's lived there. Depending on your local laws, if he refuses to leave they can't make him, assuming he hasn't committed some crime, and you can get in trouble for doing things like changing locks. And if police are there when he refuses to leave, so you decide that you must leave, he can refuse to let you take anything from the house but emergency necessities (clothes, toiletries, medicine), enforceable by those kind police officers you called. Find out about that kind of stuff before you find yourself in that position. If he's there when she goes back, she's going to be much safer with the police present. If he refuses to leave, it's not like she's going to magically be able to get him out anyway. I think it's really irresponsible to advise a woman in a potentially abusive and dangerous situation that it's probably better not to call the police if she needs them. Good grief. :glare: I've been in this situation. You can buy a new toothbrush or tv. You can't buy your own life back, or that of your children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 Regardless, it is important to know that women who leave/make the spouse leave are at the most risk during the time after the break up. Please be careful. Also, for those who have not been in this situation or known others who are, being MORE at risk during this time is one reason women stay or get back together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Little Nyssa Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 I feel uncomfortable with this situation because he agreed just to up and leave, seemingly so easily. I hope he is not keeping some thoughts of getting back at her or hurting someone or damaging something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaleidoscope Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 Thinking of you during this time! I'm about 2 weeks ahead of you on this path, it's not easy but worth it for our children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaffodilDreams Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 I feel uncomfortable with this situation because he agreed just to up and leave, seemingly so easily. I hope he is not keeping some thoughts of getting back at her or hurting someone or damaging something. I agree, but for OP's sake, I hope we're wrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 If he's there when she goes back, she's going to be much safer with the police present. If he refuses to leave, it's not like she's going to magically be able to get him out anyway. I think it's really irresponsible to advise a woman in a potentially abusive and dangerous situation that it's probably better not to call the police if she needs them. Good grief. :glare: I've been in this situation. You can buy a new toothbrush or tv. You can't buy your own life back, or that of your children. I have personal experience with this too. And it would have been a lot better off with a large male friend/family member than with the police. I did not advise her not to call the police, I said to make sure she knows what the consequences would be of having them present. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ruby Rose Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 So proud of you!!!!! You are brave woman who knows her worth! Maintain caution as others have said, but you are off to a great start! We are thinking of you and wishing you nothing but the best. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 I would like to thank everyone for the advice that I have recieved, we talked last night and he has left the house. I told him I would change the locks in 3 days so he had time to get his stuff out. The kids and I are at my moms house for the next 3 days while he is getting his stuff. There was no yelling he said he was wrong and he understands why I want him out. I don't know what my next steps are but I am just going to take it one day at a time. I am taking my son and daughter to their doctor to figure out the type of help they need to get through this on Monday, and we will just go from there. Thanks again everyone for your supportive words. :grouphug: Dear, courageous mama. I honor you for making this choice. I echo the others - be on high alert. Be very careful and don't go back there alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jhschool Posted March 16, 2013 Share Posted March 16, 2013 I think you are a wonderful mother. I just prayed that God will take care of you and your little family and keep you safe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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