Do you teach your kids manners and etiquette?

[treestarfae]

If so how so?

[tammyw]

Yes, by modelling the behaviour I want them to show. We talk about stuff a lot also.

[TammyinTN]

Yes--when they were small we had fancy dinners at home, practiced shaking hands and how we would act when meeting someone new. Basically we tried to always model the way we wanted our children to act and speak.

[Ellie]

Of course. Constant modeling, instruction, correction, every day for 18 years. :D

[justamouse]

Of course. As it comes up. I prep them before they encounter a new situation.

 

If we are going somewhere, we run over the rules before we get out of the car.

 

At home we eat at table, cloth napkins and they all have good manners.

[Lily_Grace]

Manners, by modeling and expecting. Etiquette is learned through games. We have a popular one here where I put a dish of pennies or beads by each person's plate. If you are caught breaking a rule of etiquette, the one who caught you gets to take a token from your dish. The person with the most tokens at the end of the meal gets to choose the evening activity. :)

[J-rap]

All of the above. We would also do some real-life practices. For example -- after church when everyone was gabbing and the kids were just eager to head home (we live two blocks away so they would walk), we would tell them they could leave after they spoke with 3 adults, asking them a polite question, etc. (We would give them ones to choose from, if they wanted. :)

[Catwoman]

I have found that if the parents don't have good manners, they can try to teach their kids until they're blue in the face, and the kids still won't have good manners.

 

If you want your kids to learn good manners and proper etiquette, you need to be sure you are modeling those behaviors for them every day as part of your regular routine, and not just "when we go to Grandma's," or whatever.

 

I also think it's a good idea to prep your kids for new situations even though they already have good manners at home, as justamouse already suggested. The problem is that many people quickly give their kids a set of instructions about how to behave in a new situation and then wonder why the poor kid messes up, when it's really their own fault for not having modeled the proper behavior all along. A child isn't going to have a solid foundation in manners and etiquette if no standard of behavior is demonstrated and enforced at home.

[Hwin]

Every day. In addition to modeling and prompting, we do a lot of prepping and role playing. We do it because we have to.

[happypamama]

Yes, by modeling, and discussion/direct instruction as it comes up. Like, we didn't do a specific lesson on writing thank-you notes, just as a random thing, but when the kids needed to write notes for gifts, we talked about how to write them.

[DianeW88]

Absolutely!! When they're kindy age, it's part of our curriculum. We use a manners book that I had as a young girl (back in the Stone Age), that discusses how we behave in all kinds of different situations. I am a fanatic about table manners, so that is something that has been modeled and discussed at mealtimes since my children were little. Each of them has been to fancy restaurants where exceptional manners are expected, and they can all negotiate a table service with multiple forks, knives, spoons, glasses and plates. One of my biggest pet peeves today is children that act like little animals when they are out in public....especially when they're at a restaurant. Drives. Me. Bonkers.

[violamama]

What everybody else said.

 

I would love to hear how people teach little guys (mine are 4 & 7) to not jump on the faux pas of others. My 4 year old will loudly remark on poor behavior, and has trouble letting things slide. We've been talking about being like ducks, always looking for ways to be extra kind but letting the offenses and mistakes of others roll right off... Ideas on how to practice?

[NotSoObvious]

Nag, nag, and nag some more. Basically. ;)

 

The Etiquette Factory is cute and helped when they were a little younger.

[Elinor Everywhere]

Absolutely!! When they're kindy age, it's part of our curriculum. We use a manners book that I had as a young girl (back in the Stone Age), that discusses how we behave in all kinds of different situations. I am a fanatic about table manners, so that is something that has been modeled and discussed at mealtimes since my children were little. Each of them has been to fancy restaurants where exceptional manners are expected, and they can all negotiate a table service with multiple forks, knives, spoons, glasses and plates. One of my biggest pet peeves today is children that act like little animals when they are out in public....especially when they're at a restaurant. Drives. Me. Bonkers.

 

 

This is our approach, too, minus the book. When the kids were young we role-played shaking hands with a firm grip while maintaining eye contact. I can't believe how many compliments I receive on that bit of behavior, even now when they are 15! My dh is also a table-manners stickler, and both kids use a knife/fork properly and are comfortable in the most sophisticated of restaurants. We also travel abroad a lot and they learn that many kids around the world are just as polite. And also, they learn that many are not. I also get a lot of compliments on their usage of "please" and "thank you" when I'm not around. My son't ROTC instructors tell me he is the most polite kid they've ever taught.

[pehp]

Absolutely! I'm a stickler. Modeling ALL THE TIME....the way my parents taught me! Rudeness, poor manners and lack of etiquette are not allowed in our family.....we speak to each other in a kind and civilized manner....parents held to a high standard. I cannot teach my children something that I do not practice.

[I.Dup.]

We need to work on table manners. They are not animals at the table (we get compliments when we are out all the time), but I wouldn't trust them to take them to a fancy restaurant.

 

I do teach them other manners though- please, thank you, treating each other and everyone with kindness, etc. They are required to call dh and I "sir" and "maam"...I know that's very controversial here but dh grew up in the south so it's very much just a part of our culture and seen as very respectful. They get a lot of compliments even here in the Pac NW when people hear them addressing adults that way. :)

[unsinkable]

Just one of them.

[LMA]

Yes, we teach the children, but it's more than just manners. Etiquette involves knowing what to do at weddings, funerals, parties, when to give a gift, etc. It is important to teach children how to dress for special occasions, how to introduce a person to someone else, how to act in church, writing thank you notes, etc. Table manners should be used whether you eat in the car or at a restaurant.

[Arcadia]

Etiquette for dummies 2nd Edition PDF in case anyone want to read http://entreoasis.com/resources/pdf/173090608063023.pdf

Etiquette and manners were taught in my elementary school (convent/catholic school) but not in hubby's.

We teach our kids and remind them when the situation arises.

[*Lulu*]

What everybody else said.

 

I would love to hear how people teach little guys (mine are 4 & 7) to not jump on the faux pas of others. My 4 year old will loudly remark on poor behavior, and has trouble letting things slide. We've been talking about being like ducks, always looking for ways to be extra kind but letting the offenses and mistakes of others roll right off... Ideas on how to practice?

 

We teach our children that the greatest display of poor manners is pointing out poor manners in others. The only time it is proper to correct the poor manners of someone else is if they are either A, your adolescent child, or B, your student or some similar charge. (Or people on the internet- people on the internet are in constant need of correction! :p ) We have plenty of opportunity to practice this at home since mine have to bite thier tongues to keep from correcting each other!

 

We teach through modeling, discussion, and occasionally very specific "training" if I know we are struggling with a certain principle or about to encounter a very new situation.

[Catwoman]

We need to work on table manners. They are not animals at the table (we get compliments when we are out all the time), but I wouldn't trust them to take them to a fancy restaurant.

 

I think the trick is to just do it. We have always brought our ds to all kinds of restaurants, and he did just fine; I'm sure your kids would, too. If kids are basically good at the table, the only real reminder they might need is to keep their speaking volume low -- but they probably already know that from eating in other restaurants, anyway. There really isn't much more to it.

 

My biggest complaint about kids at restaurants is when the parents don't require them to remain in their seats, and when they let them shout at each other or act really rambunctious, because it's disturbing to everyone around them. But my ds doesn't do that stuff at home, so it would never occur to him to do it at a restaurant, and I'll bet your kids are the same way.

 

I have to admit that sometimes I can't help but wonder what some families' homes must look like, when I see a family in a restaurant and everything is spilling all over the place (and the mom pretends not to notice,) the baby is throwing food on the floor (and the mom pretends not to notice,) the other kids are running around or yelling (and the mom pretends not to notice,) and then the entire family gets up and leaves a huge mess for the restaurant staff to clean up (because apparently they didn't notice that they turned the place into a disaster area.) And I also wonder how the moms stand the constant commotion and upheaval. I don't know how they ever manage to enjoy a meal with so much activity going on around them the whole time!

[Freckles]

yes! my FIL introduced this rhyme into our home. I'm not sure who the original author is. Start with the child's name. I will use Susie for example.

"Susie, Susie, well and able,

get your elbows off the table!

This is not a horse's stable,

but a proper dining table!"

 

I also have demanded they use a knife and fork properly when cutting food. We are from the South. Yes Ma'am, and yes Sir are requirements.

 

Please and thank you are still magic words in our home. And nothing gives me the shivers more than a fishy limp handshake. Shake like you mean it. :)

[Plink]

Absolutely! Manners and character are high on my priority list.

 

When the kids were little they loved the Goops poems. We still recite "The goops, they lick their fingers...." on a regular basis.

 

You can get a free e-copy of the book here: http://books.google.com/books/about/Goops_and_how_to_be_Them.html?id=s4gaAAAAMAAJ