Have you ever moved away and been homesick? Did you get over it? How?

[lovetobehome]

I had wanted to move to the south for years, and now that I am here, I am really homesick. I have been gone 6 months. I had been in our old home for 8 years...and I miss my friends, my kids friends, my church, etcetera.

Have you moved away and had similar feelings, even if you had wanted the move? How did you cope with it? How long did it take to feel like your new place was 'home'?

Just looking for some understanding, or thoughts, or tips. Thanks.

[DianeW88]

I moved from Delaware to Utah to go to college when I was 19. I even already had a boyfriend out here, but I still missed my home state, friends and family like crazy for about the first six months. Then I got married and moved to Denver. It didn't take nearly as long to adjust. Maybe because I had a new family and a new job. After living there for 12 years, my dh was transferred back to Utah. We've been here for 13 years now. It probably took me about three months to feel completely at home. The best thing to do is to get very busy and very involved with your new community. I'm LDS, so I immediately had a ward full of new friends, and we were involved by the first two weeks. If you can find a church, community organization or club to be involved with...it makes things so much easier.

[regentrude]

I have moved overseas 11 years ago. I am still homesick, especially around the holidays. I still miss my friends (I lived in the same city for 30 years, except for two years abroad) where all my family is and my childhood friends. Sometimes it is really tough.

What helped to make this place "home" is to jump right into a full busy life, work a job that I enjoy, make connections with people, enjoy the outdoors.

[Mabeline]

I get really attached to places so it usually takes me about two years to acclimate to the new weather. It takes me at least 6 months to start feeling like the new place is home. I try and jump right in and get to now the area. I find the library first and see if there are any library programs we might like. I also like to get involved in church and try to get to know people there. They are also a good place to ask about what there is to do around.

Also, let yourself grieve the old home. I miss my old town, and friends. I let myself feel sad about it and talk to my kids about missing their old friends. Change is hard, but it can also be exciting and fun.

[missiemick]

I've moved quite a bit and every time there's been a bit of sadness. I've found that the more I get involved, the better (faster) I feel.

[hsbeth]

We moved from New England to GA almost seven years ago, we very much wanted the move BUT I did struggle with a few bouts of homesickness. As I remember it peaked at about the 6-24mth mark. After we'd been here about two years I really began to settle in and from year 3 or so and fully feel that our new location is "home".

 

My situation may be different in that most all of our family and childhood friends remained in the region we left. We had some extended family here, but none that we were very close to. The first few years we made several trips back to New England and remained in very close contact with several friends there and our old church. As time has passed many of those ties have diminished and this has helped.

 

Making new friends can be difficult. We made lots of acquaintances, but I missed the intimacy of some of our previous friendships. Relationships take time to build and it requires patience. I think having less contact with some of our older friends helped me to find more time to really invest in new ones.

 

We don't talk or visit often with folks in New England anymore which presents another set of issues in a way. We are now so enmeshed here that it's hard to break away to visit, which I know hurts some of our friends and family's feelings. Although we extend frequent invitations, very few have taken us up on our offer to visit with us here. I, in turn, become frustrated with those who expect us to spend our limited vacation time and budget to always travel back to New England. Also sometimes our friends don't understand that on our infrequent trips we often have a family celebration or gathering that is the focus for the visit, so we aren't able to see others. It's not that we publicize our trips, but with FB and the like often folks realize when we have been up.

 

I'm rambling at this point, but yes, in my case it got better. And as I recall, you are likely in the window of time that is the most difficult. The newness has worn off and the reality has set it. Spending time investing in new relationships and limiting contact with things that make you feel homesick should help.

[Erica in OR]

Yes. It eventually did get better. It helped to meet another homeschooling family that our whole family clicked with, the husband, wife, and kids. I agree that plugging in to community activities helped us too, like jumping in to storytime at the library since my kids were the right age for it so the children's librarian knew who we were and would chat with us at other times, attending the summer farmers market, getting the kids into the local gymnastics school. Our church was definitely a source of support and friendship too. Before we moved, at my request, DH agreed that we would commit to traveling back to see family once a year. We've held to that, except in some extreme circumstances.

 

Hang in there!

 

Erica in OR

[Arcadia]

Seven years here and still homesick. We moved when we were 32 so lots of childhood friends. We could finally afford to go back home last year for a month long vacation. It is particularly bad during cultural festivals. It gets boring on local holidays since we have no family to visit. Hubby is an introvert and not as bothered as he gets busy with work. He misses the food..

[fraidycat]

In order here:

 

Yes

Somewhat

By making a "new life" (ie: getting involved)

 

Longer answers:

 

My DH is military so I moved away from home to be with him - and we've moved several times since then.

 

The longer I'm away, the less "homesick" I am. It's an ongoing process. As the "new normal" becomes...well, normal. I do still, however, get a little sad when all of the family is gathered together for holidays and special occasions that we can't be there for.

 

This last move has been my personal best as far as feeling "at home" the quickest. The largest (if not only) part of this is the fact that I now homeschool, so in an effort to find socializing opportunities for the kids, I also get to (must) socialize. I've met a small, yet wonderful group of ladies that I get to interact with on a weekly (sometimes more) basis. I now feel like I have real friends, instead of just acquaintances.

[lovetobehome]

I just read an article, I found this helpful:

 

Homesickness isn't necessarily about home. And neither is it exactly an illness, experts said.

Instead, it stems from our instinctive need for love, protection and security -- feelings and qualities usually associated with home, said Josh Klapow, a clinical psychologist and associate professor at the University of Alabama's School of Public Health. When these qualities aren't present in a new environment, we begin to long for them -- and hence home.

[Orthodox6]

Absolutely can relate! When we left the city where we were in graduate school, I had lived there for eight years and had deep roots. During the first Saturday evening Vespers service at our new parish, it hit me so hard that we never were going back, that I cried throughout the whole service. (embarrassingly noticeable, to be truthful). We did not yet have any children, so it was only DH and I trying to settle in. Fortunately, the new parish took us in quickly. Otherwise, I couldn't have borne it. I never had been unemployed for more than 36 hours, and this time it took nearly six months to find a professional position. In addition, as a Texan, I was highly negative about moving to the South. Between the new parish, and the other local parish (where we had both relatives and family friends from the same part of Greece), we developed a support network faster than would have been the case in most locations.

 

Ten years later, we moved back to Texas -- and I was miserable at the prospect of leaving the incredible and wonderful people with whom we had built close ties. We had some relatives here, though. Again, the new parish took us in lovingly. Our boys (three by that point) weathered the move far better than we had anticipated. Shortly after we arrived, an unknown man driving down the street stopped and in genuine friendliness, corralled DH and our older boys into his scout group. Other good things happened socially, which also helped. In fact, the only thing that never has worked out socially was homeschooling. (. . . but I've told that tale before)

 

Summing it up, church was the best help for settling in quickly and comfortably. Sports activities for the children was a mixed bag, because of ingrained exclusiveness. Scout groups were good to us. Neighborhood can make or break the situation. Our first one back here was wonderful. Where we live now, nobody knows anybody -- or seems to care.

 

As already posted, go right ahead and miss your previous home! You can use the same set of loving attitudes which you had there to share yourself and your family with new people. I honestly, honestly, never thought that I would have such loyal, stellar, priceless friends here as I did before -- yet I do ! ! ! You and your family are a new gift to the people where you live now ! ! !

[lovetobehome]

I was hoping to ask some of you some questions via private message, but nothing I send is going through....are the boards down?

[Orthodox6]

(oops)

[Freckles]

Yes!! Again and again and again. The longest I've lived someplace as an adult is two years. We are about to hit the 2 year mark here pretty soon. I will always miss Texas. I'm an oddity in S. California. It gets better by being involved in your new community. :grouphug: :grouphug:

[mumto2]

I still miss where we lived when my kids were little. I loved the town, the neighborhood, and my beautiful fenced in yard. Since I was the only home ed mom there my life would probably not be great now. I understand this. I also know it was a great time in my life which is what I probably miss most.

 

[TN Mama]

I moved around a lot as a young person, but lived in TN for longer than I've lived anywhere else (15 years). I met & married my husband there, had my daughters there, found my faith there, and met some of the most wonderful friends there. And my mom & sister both live in the state (not in the same town, but less than 3 hours away). Dh's family all lived within 30 minutes of us.

 

Then we moved.

 

We've been gone for about a year & a half, and there are days when I'm really sad to be away. Mostly I try to be positive about being in this new place. We immediately started going to church and getting involved. I joined homeschool groups, met people through kids' sports, etc. Basically I put myself out there like I never had before. Some people say they think it's easy for me. It's not. But this is where we live now. I could let myself be miserable, but it wouldn't do anyone any good, and probably would be really bad for my husband and kids. I have moments where I want to just cry. I miss seeing my niece & nephew, or being able to get to my best friend's house in 7 minutes - my driveway to hers. But, I'm a big girl, and this is life.

 

And I found out I really do like living here. I've made friends, good friends. Maybe not people who know me like my friends of 12 years back home, but people I know I'll be friends with if we were to ever move again. Mostly I wish Oklahoma was just much closer to Tennessee.

[Runningmom80]

We moved from OH to CA 10 years ago. It took about 6-8 months until it felt like home and I wasn't homesick. I was only 22, no kids, and it was a move to a way better place, and it still took that long to not be homesick.

 

We moved back to OH 6 years ago, and still miss CA! Lol. It's a process.

[Heather in Neverland]

I have been in Malaysia for 3.5 years now and I don't miss Michigan but I miss my family there.

 

For us, it took a good 6 months before it stopped feeling like an extended vacation, then another year to settle into a routine and a life here. Now, it IS home to us. In fact, when we were in the states for 6 weeks this past summer my ds said something about "when are we going home?" because he missed his home HERE. My mom chucked a mental at that!! :lol: She said rather vehemently, "THIS is your home!" Ds was a bit confused.

[TravelingChris]

For me, who does move a lot, it takes between 6 months and a year to feel comfortable, except if I was moving back to a place I lived before which is a bit easier. Though actually one of my hardest moves was from FL, where I had never lived before, to the same DC suburb where I lived in high school and anyway, I had lived in DC or DC suburbs until I went to college. That move was hard because we moved a few days before CHristmas and the darkness and the cold were a shock. In particular, the darkness through us all into a bad case of SAD. But it wasn't really moving back to the same place- it was moving back to the same place with an additional 3 million people (how much the population of DC and suburbs changed in 28 years). It still took really about nine or ten months.

[nd293]

I've made 2 international moves to countries where we knew no-one and had no company support. It took at least a year to feel 'normal'. I once read an article which outlined stages, similar to the stages of grieving. It's very, very hard, and major bouts of homesickness can be triggered by small things even after you feel at home and settled.

[lynn]

It's hard to move and put down new roots. I've done it 9 times in the past 22 years. If you plan on staying at your new location start embracing it. Call the chamber of commerce for newcomer information. Visit the library, museum, zoo's, look up local events, are there any Newcomers or Mom's clubs near you? Can you volunteer somewhere, get to know people in your community? Get out and explore your new area.

[hsmom2011]

n/m

[somo_chickenlady]

We moved away 22 months ago...and just moved back yesterday. We never got over it, and we were miserable there, especially since we moved to an extremely rural area (5 miles outside of a town of 80 people) and we were never accepted there. We were about 7-8 hours away from all of our family and where we both grew up.

[Roadrunner]

I moved 18 years ago to a new culture. This is definitely home now, but I still sometimes feel like a rootless tree. I miss my family and childhood friends terribly. I don't ever look at old photographs. It's too painful.