fairfarmhand Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 The last few months have been extremely taxing financially. Actually the whole year has been one financial mess after another. Dh and I sat down and paid bills last night. That leaves me very frustrated this morning because of what we have left to use for the holidays. Even if we are very careful this year, we will STILL end up this year in the hole. I've tried counting my blessings. I've tried praying. I've tried thinking of those less fortunate than me. I've tried everything I know to adjust my attitude, but honestly, the thankful feelings are not there right now. I mentally "know" that I AM blessed. I have a great family and more than I deserve, but I can't generate the feelings. I'm frustrated and annoyed with the holidays showing up when we are so far in debt. I'm also frustrated and annoyed with myself for not feeling the way that I wish I was feeling. How can I get to where I need to be? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 One moment at a time. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 :grouphug: The things you are unhappy about are real and no fun and just plain stink. I think the best you can do sometimes is to fake it so you don't ruin the holiday for other people. :grouphug: again Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Delirium Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 :grouphug: Money problems suck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotSoObvious Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 My mantra (especially right now) is, "this too shall pass!" Hang in there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LostSurprise Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 Sometimes it helps me to allow myself time to grieve. Its normal to be frustrated, sad, or angry, but it helps to have a cut off point.Then (hopefully) all of the emotion is out and I can move on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WistfulRidge Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 If I manage to figure it out I'll let you know... :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 Remember, you can give thanks without feeling thankful. Sometimes, feelings follow actions, so act thankful. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twoxcell Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 I have no advice really but I wanted to tell you, you are not alone in this. We have had a very rough year too, sewer problems, bathroom repair, appliances dying left and right, and I have been sick for what seems like the entire year. :( Hang in there things will get better. For now keep you family close and try to look for the positives. We are blessed no matter what is happening to us. I was just listening to this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommymilkies Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 I've been feeling the same way :( I know we've been in worse times, but facing zero money for the holidays and kids' birthdays because of bad financial moves and less income has made this a very depressing season. I'm not feeling very thankful. More bitter and depressed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommymilkies Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 I've been feeling the same way :( I know we've been in worse times, but facing zero money for my bills, the holidays, and kids' birthdays because of bad financial moves and less income has made this a very depressing season. I'm not feeling very thankful. More bitter and depressed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happyhomemaker Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 I think the guilt and pressure that come with not feeling the "right" way can be harmful and make us feel worse than if we had just stuck to our original feelings. You've had a tough year. It's ok not to feel thankful sometimes, and you shouldn't pressure yourself to feel a certain way just because the calendar says you should. Maybe make Thanksgiving more about just enjoying a nice day with your family this year and not about how thankful you may or may not feel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 You know what? I would just let yourself feel what you feel, without guilt. I agree with a PP about putting pressure on yourself. I definitely understand where you're coming from. Don't stress about it; just acknowledge that yes, no matter how blessed you might be or how you might be better off than others, your personal situation is still lousy and tough for you. No pressure! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwickimom Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 I am right there with you. I had a miscarriage, DH had something terrible happen to him, my van broke down, the medical bills are rolling in and today- my frige decides to die. :glare: We had JUST paid off all our debt, but of course didn't have enough time to get a good savings going to cover all the crap that creeps up. EVERY single time we get out of debt, this happens. And then it all just goes downhill. I don't even like being debt free because I know the hell that is to follow. I know its not the end of the world and people are much worse off than we are, but I am bitter about it. I just wanna be left alone, ya know?? Anyways, obviously no advice I did all the things you did and I just don't feel any better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 :grouphug: I am in the same position and don't have any advice. I intellectually know that I am blessed with lots to be thankful for but I don't feel it. Of course this makes me feel worse. Know that others are thinking of you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nono Posted November 20, 2012 Share Posted November 20, 2012 You know....I think it's b.s. to always be thankful. Sometimes, life just stinks! But the good news is that life works like a sine wave. So know that maybe this is the bottom. (NO! You don't have to be grateful for that. Just aware...) :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted November 20, 2012 Share Posted November 20, 2012 :grouphug: The things you are unhappy about are real and no fun and just plain stink. I think the best you can do sometimes is to fake it so you don't ruin the holiday for other people. :grouphug: again Exactly this. I use the phrase, "Fake it until I make it." I'm in the same boat. My dad's funeral, thousands of dollars in van repairs, 2 broken arms (at the same time!) which we had to pay money up front, unexpected medical bills for me from testing I didn't know I would have to pay out of pocket for (I just love surprises) and now, dh won't be working the month of December and maybe January. Awesome. Add to that that I miss my dad like I never thought was possible and my MIL being a giant pill.... well, I'm plastering a smile on my face and faking it. My kids are so important right now. And I'm so glad I have them to keep me grounded. But, thankful, no. And then I feel guilty for not being super thankful because I *am* so much better off. *sigh* :grouphug: for all of us that are in this place right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted November 20, 2012 Share Posted November 20, 2012 Humor. I think little things like: marriage is so you have someone to help you through all those tough times you'd've never had if only you'd stayed single. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted November 20, 2012 Share Posted November 20, 2012 :grouphug: I'm there, my lower keeps getting lower. I've given up thinking things can be better really. I'm trying to be content with what is the here and now and it's not working. Thankfully I have some distractions, they don't take care of the problems, but they get me through the day. I try to get up each day and find some small victory in the day. This year our pear tree gave us almost no good pears, the drought was awful. Last week all the leaves were brilliant red, it was beautiful. I was busy and thought I needed to take a picture of it to share. My neighbor died after a long battle with lung cancer recently and last year she loved our pears. I thought it might be a fitting honor, take a nice picture. Anyway, a storm came through that night and I had been too busy to get a picture, maybe too distracted with other things. The next day the tree was nearly bare, it was terrible looking. The tree that last year gave joy to so many people (we had people stop and picking pears) was glorious for one day this year. A tree that has stood for years, long before we lived here, was glorious for one day. Lately, I've felt like I'd like to have just one good day, one glorious brilliant red day. I missed my chance to mark the joy of that day because of something I did that I don't even remember doing. My point? Maybe it's that we need to stop and find the joy, it's fleeting. Maybe it's that some years we have one good day, and another year will be better. We just have to weather the bad years, the winter, and wait for our spring. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted November 20, 2012 Share Posted November 20, 2012 :grouphug: I'm there, my lower keeps getting lower. I've given up thinking things can be better really. I'm trying to be content with what is the here and now and it's not working. Thankfully I have some distractions, they don't take care of the problems, but they get me through the day. I try to get up each day and find some small victory in the day. This year our pear tree gave us almost no good pears, the drought was awful. Last week all the leaves were brilliant red, it was beautiful. I was busy and thought I needed to take a picture of it to share. My neighbor died after a long battle with lung cancer recently and last year she loved our pears. I thought it might be a fitting honor, take a nice picture. Anyway, a storm came through that night and I had been too busy to get a picture, maybe too distracted with other things. The next day the tree was nearly bare, it was terrible looking. The tree that last year gave joy to so many people (we had people stop and picking pears) was glorious for one day this year. A tree that has stood for years, long before we lived here, was glorious for one day. Lately, I've felt like I'd like to have just one good day, one glorious brilliant red day. I missed my chance to mark the joy of that day because of something I did that I don't even remember doing. My point? Maybe it's that we need to stop and find the joy, it's fleeting. Maybe it's that some years we have one good day, and another year will be better. We just have to weather the bad years, the winter, and wait for our spring. Thank you for this, EL. And hugs to you. You will have a good day again. You really will. Maybe just not when you want it. I hope, I hope, I hope it's soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted November 20, 2012 Share Posted November 20, 2012 Thank you for this, EL. And hugs to you. You will have a good day again. You really will. Maybe just not when you want it. I hope, I hope, I hope it's soon. Thank you. I've been thinking of you and hope this week holds peace for you. Many hugs in return. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted November 20, 2012 Share Posted November 20, 2012 OP, I feel exactly the same way. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted November 20, 2012 Author Share Posted November 20, 2012 Okay, so I had a long talk with God about this yesterday. I decided that, while I can't feel thankful for many of the circumstances of my life, I still can praise and worship Him. So that's what I did. I had to go out to pay bills without children yesterday and I listened to praise music and worshiped even without giving thanks. And today, I am feeling a little better. Less annoyed. Less irritated and frustrated. I still don't feel very thankful, but I will go ahead and give thanks. After all, that is the command...Give thanks in all things. It's a good thing that the verse doesn't say, "Feel thankful in all things!" Thank you all for listening yesterday. It helped to hear that others feel the same way and that it is okay to not feel like thankful all of the time. To all of you who are struggling, I am not going to give you a formulaic answer about "How to Feel Thankful." I just know that even when my feelings and my attitude are not where they ought to be, I need to take it to God. Even if I magically don't start feeling the way that I should, I know that he wants me to turn to him. That's why God is our Father. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abbeygurl4 Posted November 20, 2012 Share Posted November 20, 2012 The last few months have been extremely taxing financially. Actually the whole year has been one financial mess after another. Dh and I sat down and paid bills last night. That leaves me very frustrated this morning because of what we have left to use for the holidays. Even if we are very careful this year, we will STILL end up this year in the hole. I've tried counting my blessings. I've tried praying. I've tried thinking of those less fortunate than me. I've tried everything I know to adjust my attitude, but honestly, the thankful feelings are not there right now. I mentally "know" that I AM blessed. I have a great family and more than I deserve, but I can't generate the feelings. I'm frustrated and annoyed with the holidays showing up when we are so far in debt. I'm also frustrated and annoyed with myself for not feeling the way that I wish I was feeling. How can I get to where I need to be? Me, too, all the above. I'd like to skip all of November and December. Sorry you feel like this. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted November 20, 2012 Share Posted November 20, 2012 Ditto to pretty much everything everyone has said. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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