Please share how you feel about housework - CC

[HSMom2One]

When I was a young wife and mother I enjoyed keeping house, but now that I'm much older and I'm much busier with work outside the home and homeschooling, I find housework to be such a drudge. I love a clean, organized home, but it all too often seems impossible for me to achieve and so I find it to be a source of depression at times. My home isn't filthy, but I don't come close to being the homemaker that I would like to be. I do get help from family, but the majority of chores still falls on my shoulders. I know a lot of moms here have talked about letting it go and not having housework be a priority. If this is you, doesn't it get to you after awhile? How do you manage, cope, persevere?

 

Lately I've been working on my attitude, trying to take on more thankfulness as I meditate on the many blessings I have. When I'm doing the dishes, I thank God for the food we have that is the reason we have dirty dishes. When I'm folding laundry I thank Him for clean water and electricity. As I'm tackling the endless dusting, vacuuming and other chores I am giving thanks for the fact that we have this shelter and roof over our heads that offers us warmth, protection and light. As I do these things, I also think about my dear family and how much I love them. Yet even though I'm working on taking on a new attitude, I still find myself lacking in joy. Then today I remembered listening to "The Practice of the Presence of God" by Brother Lawrence, and decided to listen to it again. I'm hoping that I'll get inspired and once again love serving others through keeping my home. (If you have never heard this recording and would like to,

is a link.)

 

I'm interested in hearing from others about attitude and feelings about doing housework. Do you struggle like I do, or do you find joy and fulfillment in it? I hope my poll covers enough choices, but as always -- if I've left something out, please feel free to post your thoughts.

 

Blessings,

Lucinda

[Impish]

Generally, resent the carp outta it. It's never ending, trying to drain the ocean w/a teaspoon that has holes in it, kind of feeling.

 

Add in RSD and 1 handed, and it's even more fun. :glare:

 

I know I need to change my 'tude, so I'll be following this thread.

[justLisa]

Well, I think cleaning sucks. I don't have a bad attitude about it really, because not everything is really that important to me. I always have a clean kitchen, and laundry done. I clean the bathrooms often and vacuum. I don't really prioritize keeping a huge list of chores.

[Impish]

It's never done. That's the problem. It's only rewarding for the first few seconds after it's done. Then you have to start over.

 

It's up there with dental work. Ugh.

I get knocked out for dental work. Just sayin.

[elegantlion]

I'd rather have dental work, at least you have a pretty smile after that.

 

We're not messy people by nature, and we have a smaller home, so cleaning is a huge thing. Pet hair and dishes are my main source of frustration.

 

It's the never done aspect that I don't like. Over the years we've developed systems to keep the mess to a minimum, so it does take minimal effort.

[HSMom2One]

Well, instead of a poll I'm going to list the options here and you can pick one and share your thoughts.

 

 

1. I find great joy and fulfillment in keeping a tidy, organized home for my family and do my chores without fail.
   
2. I feel overwhelmed often about housework, but I manage to get it done anyway.
   
3. Doing household chores is completely depressing for me, and I only do what has to be done.
   
4. If it weren't for help from dh and dc, our house would be a pit.
   
5. Because homeschooling and caring for children are more important than keeping house, I give myself permission to let it go.
   
6. We prefer that "lived in" look and only clean our house if company's coming.
   
7. I hate housework and just don't care if my house is clean.
   

Thanks for your input!

 

 

Blessings,

Lucinda

[Denisemomof4]

I hate doing housework now. I really wish I could snap my fingers or twitch my nose to get it all spotless and organized.

[shanvan]

When I was a young wife and mother I enjoyed keeping house, but now that I'm much older and I'm much busier with work outside the home and homeschooling, I find housework to be such a drudge. I love a clean, organized home, but it all too often seems impossible for me to achieve and so I find it to be a source of depression at times. My home isn't filthy, but I don't come close to being the homemaker that I would like to be. I do get help from family, but the majority of chores still falls on my shoulders. I know a lot of moms here have talked about letting it go and not having housework be a priority. If this is you, doesn't it get to you after awhile? How do you manage, cope, persevere?

 

I am right there with you. Yes, it gets to me, and usually not 'after a while'....more like right away! Yes, it can become a source of depression for me at times. I especially get frustrated b/c I now have an auto-immune disorder and fibromyalgia, so what I can do in a day is nowhere near what I used to be able to do. I have to pace myself and if I overdo, then I will pay for it.

 

I find housework a drudge when I am too busy to properly complete tasks. Yesterday I thoroughly cleaned the main bathroom and I enjoyed it b/c of the results and b/c that was the only thing I had to accomplish at that time. I feel much better when I have the time set aside to focus on nothing but cleaning. It helps me clear my mind. I'm trying to set aside time this summer for decluttering and deep cleaning and then set up some routines and responsibilities that we can try to keep in place for the school year.

 

Lately I've been working on my attitude, trying to take on more thankfulness as I meditate on the many blessings I have. When I'm doing the dishes, I thank God for the food we have that is the reason we have dirty dishes. When I'm folding laundry I thank Him for clean water and electricity. As I'm tackling the endless dusting, vacuuming and other chores I am giving thanks for the fact that we have this shelter and roof over our heads that offers us warmth, protection and light. As I do these things, I also think about my dear family and how much I love them. Yet even though I'm working on taking on a new attitude, I still find myself lacking in joy. Then today I remembered listening to "The Practice of the Presence of God" by Brother Lawrence, and decided to listen to it again. I'm hoping that I'll get inspired and once again love serving others through keeping my home. (If you have never heard this recording and would like to,

is a link.)

 

I'm interested in hearing from others about attitude and feelings about doing housework. Do you struggle like I do, or do you find joy and fulfillment in it? I hope my poll covers enough choices, but as always -- if I've left something out, please feel free to post your thoughts.

 

Blessings,

Lucinda

 

:bigear:I also would like to hear what others have to say about cleaning. I have lowered my expectations somewhat, but I'm not sure that is the answer for me, b/c I feel pretty much the same way you do. I think developing a thankful attitude can be a help. I do also enjoy listening to classical music or a good sermon or book makes me happier to do the housework. Sometimes I enjoy it more if I get everyone involved. Then the kids and I motivate one another and we each have an area of the house we are responsible for. If I do some rearranging and reorganizing we all seem to enjoy it...especially if we are just doing it for ourselves and not b/c someone else is coming over.

 

When I start to feel depressed about it I do one of 2 things. I either tell myself that God has given me more important things to accomplish, or I make a plan and get started.

 

I am convinced that if I could just get around to clearing out a lot of the clutter, I would have an easier time of cleaning. I've got to make that happen before summer ends. We are hanging onto too many things we just will not have time to use.

 

I am also convinced that a regular routine is probably key to trying to keep the housework manageable. Around here we just don't seem to have regular routine days, though. Yet again, this fall, I'll attempt to begin a more regular cleaning schedule. I may set aside a cleaning day every other week or so for us to really get the house in order so it doesn't get so out of hand.

[shanvan]

I'd rather have dental work, at least you have a pretty smile after that.

 

We're not messy people by nature, and we have a smaller home, so cleaning is a huge thing. Pet hair and dishes are my main source of frustration.

It's the never done aspect that I don't like. Over the years we've developed systems to keep the mess to a minimum, so it does take minimal effort.

 

You've named the big issues here too. Pet hair, dishes, and a small home. It's really hard to vacuum properly when your furniture is in the way and takes up most of the room.

[Mommyof4ks]

I will go with 4, but that changes from time to time.

 

My house is never really clean, but it is usually presentable, and I am ok with that most of the time. Once or twice a year I do a good deep cleaning of the whole house, and that makes me feel great. The rest of the year I just try to keep big tasks done, and I depend on the kids to help me with that.

 

The problem with house work is that it is never done. :(

[6wishes]

#5. My husband likes a clean house though, so while I'm not always up on the actual cleaning, I do try and keepit picked up with the kid's help.

[shanvan]

Well, instead of a poll I'm going to list the options here and you can pick one and share your thoughts.

 

 

 

1. I find great joy and fulfillment in keeping a tidy, organized home for my family and do my chores without fail.

2. I feel overwhelmed often about housework, but I manage to get it done anyway.

3. Doing household chores is completely depressing for me, and I only do what has to be done.

4. If it weren't for help from dh and dc, our house would be a pit.

5. Because homeschooling and caring for children are more important than keeping house, I give myself permission to let it go.

6. We prefer that "lived in" look and only clean our house if company's coming.

7. I hate housework and just don't care if my house is clean.

 

Thanks for your input!

 

 

Blessings,

Lucinda

 

All of the above at various times of the month and seasons of the year.

 

I forgot to mention the somewhat less healthy things I do when I am depressed about the cleaning...

 

....go to Barnes & Noble for iced tea and browsing

....get lost in a book so I won't see what is around me

....make plans with a friend so I really won't have time to get any of the cleaning done

....eat chocolate or ice cream

[Mommyfaithe]

Housework is the bane of my existence....and literally drains every drop of happiness from my life....yet, I can not stand a dirty house! I try to have kids do chores....and they hate housework as much as I do. I would pay someone in a minute to clean.....but I just can't find someone! My house is also where our business is...and we homeschool...AND we are under renovation....so, clean up is not so simple:glare:

[MeghanL]

I am unable to do it all, so at seasons in my life when housecleaning takes away from other things that I find fulfillment, we hire a housekeeper.

 

I just took a break for about 7 months from having one, but am starting up again this week since the fall is bringing so many added responsibilities. I am starting a co-op, I'm organizing a lego league, I'm the organizer of a homeschool meetup group, I'm involved in a classics book club, my son started therapy for Asperger's and we have individual & group sessions to attend, I am making exercise a bigger priority in my life and I'll be doing 3rd grade, K & preK homeschooling. Since all those things bring me fulfillment & are things I really enjoy and housekeeping is something I do not enjoy, we are fortunate enough that I can outsource it. Since the housekeeper comes every other week, it costs about $120/month. One thing we don't do though, is have the kids enrolled in tons of fee based activities. Since we're not paying for swimming, dancing, etc times 3, we have the funds for me to have help without breaking the bank.

 

Would outsourcing the cleaning be something you would be able to do to free up time to pursue that which you do enjoy?

[Ellie]

1. I find great joy and fulfillment in keeping a tidy, organized home for my family and do my chores without fail.
   

2. I feel overwhelmed often about housework, but I manage to get it done anyway.
   
3. Doing household chores is completely depressing for me, and I only do what has to be done.
   
4. If it weren't for help from dh and dc, our house would be a pit.
   
5. Because homeschooling and caring for children are more important than keeping house, I give myself permission to let it go.
   
6. We prefer that "lived in" look and only clean our house if company's coming.
   
7. I hate housework and just don't care if my house is clean.

Don't hate me if I chose #1 (although not always "without fail"). :D

[SKL]

I actually enjoy housework. I just wish I had more time to do it. Sometimes I play "hookey" from work (I work at home) just to tackle some storage space or pile of stuff that's been getting on my nerves.

 

But I also believe that a really clean house is a "nice-to-have." If anyone in your family considers it some kind of a sin to have dust and clutter around, that person needs to change his/her attitude.

 

Try prioritizing the really unavoidable stuff vs. the stuff that isn't going to kill anyone. If your kitchen is free of stinky, greasy food leavings, your toilet isn't foul, and you can walk through each room of your home, that's good enough on a really hard day.

 

Set aside regular times when everyone at home is doing housework. Even if it's little stuff, if you're cleaning, so are they - and with a respectful attitude. The kids will be slow and may not really make a dent in the chore, but the resentment of "I am a doormat" won't be there.

 

Now if you're never getting time to get down to the serious stuff (like washing the kitchen/bathroom floors), hire someone for a few hours once in a while. It's better than waiting until you have the gumption to do it without resenting anyone. It's not that expensive and it can help you make a fresh start going forward. Plus, it's giving someone else an opportunity to earn a few bucks that they may really need.

[HSMom2One]

Would outsourcing the cleaning be something you would be able to do to free up time to pursue that which you do enjoy?

 

In a perfect world, I would certainly opt for that - especially since my elderly mother lives with us, I homeschool and work outside the home. But, gosh, no. It just isn't in our budget right now since dh is unemployed and going to school.

 

Don't hate me if I chose #1 (although not always "without fail"). :D

 

I don't hate you. You are my role model. :)

 

Set aside regular times when everyone at home is doing housework. Even if it's little stuff, if you're cleaning, so are they - and with a respectful attitude. The kids will be slow and may not really make a dent in the chore, but the resentment of "I am a doormat" won't be there.

 

Well SKL, I only have one kid at home and she does help me quite a bit. Dh also helps, but I really don't want to order him around, and the only other one in the house is my mom, age 82. As to outsourcing, please read above comments.

 

Blessings,

Lucinda

Edited July 29, 2012 by HSMom2One

[ksr5377]

It's never done. That's the problem. It's only rewarding for the first few seconds after it's done. Then you have to start over.

 

It's up there with dental work. Ugh.

 

I think this is the problem, it lasts for MINUTES. When DH complains about mowing the yard once EVERY SINGLE WEEK it kind of makes me want to throw something at him. I am lucky that he helps out tremendously inside as well, but it's usually just picking up whatever I'm behind on, he doesn't have set things to do. I also think it's hard to keep the right attitude when it's something you get basically no recognition for. If you're terrible about it everyone knows, but if you're good at keeping up with things it's just the way it should be, you know?

[Halcyon]

Well, instead of a poll I'm going to list the options here and you can pick one and share your thoughts.

 

 

1. I find great joy and fulfillment in keeping a tidy, organized home for my family and do my chores without fail.
   
2. I feel overwhelmed often about housework, but I manage to get it done anyway.
   
3. Doing household chores is completely depressing for me, and I only do what has to be done.
   
4. If it weren't for help from dh and dc, our house would be a pit.
   
5. Because homeschooling and caring for children are more important than keeping house, I give myself permission to let it go.
   
6. We prefer that "lived in" look and only clean our house if company's coming.
   
7. I hate housework and just don't care if my house is clean.
   

Thanks for your input!

 

 

Blessings,

Lucinda

 

Number 2. I am often just plain worn out by how much needs to be done, and that it NEVER ends (i think thats the hardest part). My mom is obsessed with a clean house, and i often feel that i cant possibly live up to that standard. Ten i remember that i cannot clean all day.

 

I think the thing that bothers me too is the judgment from my extended family if my house isnt neat as a pin.

[LaxMom]

8. I feel overwhelmed, I hate it with every fiber of my being, and with the help of my husband and children, my house IS a pit. :glare:

 

I may just be feeling snippy because I'm on the third day of dejunking my dining room and have more to go. And I know there is laundry backing up while I dejunk. And other chores to be done.

 

Sigh.

[SKL]

Dh also helps, but I really don't want to order him around

 

How about this idea instead. He has certain areas of the house that are his responsibility. He can keep those areas as neat or as disastrous as he likes. (And you avoid the temptation to interfere with that.) Obviously you would want to be strategic about what part is his, LOL. It can be communicated very peacefully, in the context of "I am having such a hard time keeping up with everything, I just have to drop or delegate a few things."

 

I bought a house with two women who previously always lived with their moms and never had to clean anything. They were happy to let me do all the cleaning, despite the long hours I worked. If I complained, they said "who's asking you to clean it? Just leave it and we'll hire maids." I had huge student loan debts, so I resisted the maids option for a long time, but finally gave in (and have never looked back). We only have them for 3 hours per month, give or take. I also forced myself to tolerate a lower standard of day-to-day neatness, up to a point. As I learned to pick my battles, I managed to get the others to change their worst behaviors.

 

Peace - life's too short to fill it with angst over dust bunnies.

[Gentlemommy]

I guess I'm ambivalent about it...I don't hate it, but it doesn't exactly bring me joy lol. Having a nice, clean house DOES though, so I keep it that way. (Most of the time. ;) I have a toddler who seems to strew stuff around all day.)

 

I'd say my house is pretty clean and tidy, as in, I don't worry if someone just stops by. A few things that have helped-

 

We moved about a year ago, and I decluttered like a mad woman. Seriously, probably 70% of our stuff! That has been the biggest help. Every week or so, I pick one area and declutter. Get rid of anything we haven't used in the past few months, random bits of paper, ect.

 

I do have routines, and I try to work in ten minute intervals during the day. Most things only take a few minutes to maintain, kwim? Once I realized that, it was easier to just DO it rather than putting it off. If I do a little everyday, I rarely spend more than an hour (in ten minute segments) per day on chores. That's not much.

 

I also have my kids follow 'rules' and do chores that help-

Shoes off at the garage

Food only at the table

Both the 4 and 7 year old clear their own plates and put them into the sink or DW

They both know how to wipe the table down after meals

Both put the clean dishes away

We all use my bathtub/shower that way I only have to clean one daily-the other I just wipe down bi-weekly

They brush their teeth in my bathroom as well, and know to wipe the counter and sink dry when they finish

They both know how to use the Clorox toilet wand ;)

I keep Lysol wipes in each bathroom and we wipe the toilets and counters down daily

They both dust-their bedroom, the toddlers room, living room, and school room

they both put their own laundry away

Dd7 can throw a load of laundry in the washer with supervision and switch it to the dryer

They make their own beds

They vacuum their room and the toddlers room

Of course, the jobs aren't done perfectly. BUT having them do the chores (1) helps keep things semi clean, and I can spread out MY cleaning. So for example, I let them vacuum their bedrooms on Wednesday, and I do it again Saturday. I do check their work to make sure it gets done well. And (2) they are MUCH more aware of how hard it is to clean up and are more mindful about the messes they make. This has been a really unexpected thing, but it's awesome. Dd7 has been saying "Mom, can I help you with anything?" or "Is there anything I can do?" quite a bit lately, all on her own without promoting from us.

 

We have a dog (samoyed, so a LOT of fur!!!) and cat as well, I hear you on the pet hair everywhere! I have just resolved myself to vacuuming the main areas of the house daily. I used to get upset that it would be hairy an hour late, but now I just know it will happen. Same with mopping the kitchen. It must happen daily, at least once, sometimes twice. It doesn't take long, just maybe ten minutes, so not too bad.

I'm not a good deep cleaner though. However, I've found that doing things daily kind of eliminates the need for deep cleaning. I don't scrub my shower. :001_huh:I do spray it down and wipe it quickly with a cloth. My shower always looks clean. I don't put rubber gloves on and get on my knees and scrub the toilets like my mom did lol. I just wipe it daily with Lysol wipes, and the kids use the Clorox toilet wand. Three minutes, tops.

 

Sorry for my rambling...I just realized how long this got! Sheesh! :tongue_smilie:

Edited July 30, 2012 by Gentlemommy

[Unicorn.]

Generally, resent the carp outta it. It's never ending, trying to drain the ocean w/a teaspoon that has holes in it, kind of feeling.

 

This. Exactly. I don't think I need to change my attitude about it though. I think the other 4 people living in this house need to step up, do more, and keep clean what has already been cleaned.

[chepyl]

I hate doing housework now. I really wish I could snap my fingers or twitch my nose to get it all spotless and organized.

 

Mary Poppins gave me a complex about cleaning :) I was disappointed when my toys did not move when I snapped!

 

I love a clean house. We have too much stuff and too little space. I have been working to get rid of stuff for two years. We had a garage sale last October and then put the leftovers on the curb. It cleared at least four truckbeds worth of stuff from our house!!

 

I actually like to clean, I find it relaxing and fulfilling when I am not days from my due date. Right now, it just has to be done and I hate it!

[brendag]

I have a housework loop and a homeschool loop. It keeps me on track. I like having a clean house, but would rather do other things for sure. The problem is if we were to get a maid service, I would clean before they came! :tongue_smilie:

 

Brenda

[FO4UR]

I do not enjoy housework at all.

[LadyMSews]

This:

 

4. If it weren't for help from dh and dc, our house would be a pit.

 

I am finally, thankfully, to the stage where my oldest dc do their chores with a level of competence that is helpful in a meaningful way. I haven't washed dishes in months, except if someone is sick or gone. :) But I still loath housework. Like many others, it's the way it is so temporary...and I feel the same way about cooking. I spend 40 minutes or more preparing a meal that is eaten is less than 15 minutes. :(.

 

I've tried many times to make housework my worship, to look on it as a sacrifice joyfully given, to count the ways I am thankful that I have a house to work in...but deep down, my attitude is still stuck in a pit of poutiness that if any of my dc showed, they'd be sorry, lol.

 

Training my dc to do their chores well has helped. Decluttering and organizing have helped. Sucking it up and just getting it done helps a teeny bit. :) We used to have someone come clean every 2 weeks, but we can't afford it anymore. :( We gave up our cleaning lady for music lessons.

[FO4UR]

 

I've tried many times to make housework my worship, to look on it as a sacrifice joyfully given, to count the ways I am thankful that I have a house to work in...but deep down, my attitude is still stuck in a pit of poutiness that if any of my dc showed, they'd be sorry, lol.

 

 

 

 

 

I think this sentiment...that housework should be a woman's worship...is a lie straight from the pits of ____.

 

I would NEVER go to someone else's house, trash it, and just leave to let other people deal with my messes. I would NEVER go into my children's rooms and dump their clothes and toys and expect them to clean up the messes I made. I would NEVER expect my dh to work all day, come home and cook and do the dishes while I watched the game, etc.... Why should I clean up other people's messes? Why should I work all day only to cook and clean all night? What am I teaching if I allow that to go on? Being female, being a wife, a mother does not mean that I am doomed to a life of involuntary servitude. Being in a family does mean that I do my part, like it or not.

 

 

I can be thankful for my home, my family, food, clothes, etc...without desiring to be the unpaid servant for these people who say they are my family. They can do their parts of the housework, whether they like it not also.

 

 

I think it's a great service to children to be taught chores. #1 - They need to learn responsibility. #2 - They need to learn to take care of themselves when they leave home. #3 - They need to learn to NOT take advantage of other people's time and generosity. (Even if you are their mom...)

[pehp]

I am somewhere between 1 & 2 in the poll.

 

I love a clean and tidy house. I sometimes feel overwhelmed.

 

Keeping clutter at bay as much as possible helps a lot!!! It is not easy (& we have a tiny house and are always doing some home renovation project or another!!!!)....I routinely deliver stuff to Goodwill.

 

Routines help. Daily work--cooking, keeping the kitchen cleaned up, sweeping, laundry, trash and recycling taken out, tidying. I can do these in small bits of time....helps a lot. I try to wipe the bathrooms down a couple days a week and windex the glass in the front and back doors. It keeps things reasonably clean. I dust less often, vacuum once a week. I try to mop weekly with the bona mop--very easy. My house is never perfect, but I've made my peace with that.

 

I do not sweep the porch often, scrub anything frequently, worry much about

my son's room, wash the shower curtain regularly (I do it when I think it

needs it), etc etc. I love to clean and organize....but with 2 small children I accept that there are limits!!!!

 

My goals are clean clothes, good meals (I don't love cooking but it is a huge priority because we are healthy eaters!), sanitary conditions.....and less visual

clutter (although it is usually lurking around!!). I get my 5 yo to help.

 

I really love organizing. I could probably spend all day every day organizing. But again...with 2 little ones, what is most important?

 

I look at housekeeping as necessary, and because it is necessary I try to embrace it. But I also have tried hard to come to a point where I do not stress over it. I think a happy medium is possible!

[Guest]

Number 2. I am often just plain worn out by how much needs to be done, and that it NEVER ends (i think thats the hardest part). My mom is obsessed with a clean house, and i often feel that i cant possibly live up to that standard. Ten i remember that i cannot clean all day.

 

I think the thing that bothers me too is the judgment from my extended family if my house isnt neat as a pin.

 

:iagree:

I actually did enjoy it back in the day. Now it is more overwhelming, but I can't let it go. I was raised in a house that was always spotless and it is ingrained in me. For better or for worse. :tongue_smilie: